QUESTION: What the heck is this little review reply thingy that I've noticed? How does it work? What does it do? GAH!

I am sooo insanely sorry that it's been so long since I've updated. It wasn't really that long I guess… like 2 weeks… but I still feel horrible. I don't want to hurry it up though, because it's ending at 15 chapters. AND THIS IS THE 14TH! Adjfhkjafdkhkadfh. I might write a nice little epilogue if I get enough reviews… hint hint…

Chapter 14

"You told him you thought bladders were navy?" asks Andra incredulously.

"I told you," I say crossly, "it was Professor Titchy that planted that idea in my mind. From grade two."

Andra has serious listening problems, really.

"Besides, it's not that far-fetched. I'm sure the human anatomy consists of many navy organs," I say thoughtfully.

Andra raises an eyebrow. "Uhm, no."

Psh. Shows what she knows. I remember learning about that from grade two… we're filled with organs consisting of a rainbow of colors… lime, lilac, maroon, burgundy… I mean really, who doesn't know that?

"Yes," I say wearily, "yes, inner organs are very colorful."

Andra opens her mouth and closes it. "Never mind."

We both sigh.

Wait… why is she sighing? I'm sighing because I know one of my best friends is out of her mind. I bet Andra thinks she's right. Poor girl. I'll let her have her fantasies, though. That's what friends are for.

"I suppose it's time for us to get to bed," I say. I wonder if Andra needs any help getting ready? She seems to be a bit… special… tonight (with the whole thinking internal organs aren't colorful). "Need any help?" I ask Andra kindly.

Andra stares at me. "Erm… no. I wonder where Eliza is."

"Eliza," I growl softly. TRAITOR.

"What is it?"

"She told James stuff. About me."

Andra snorted. "What could she tell him?"

Let me ponder that thought… Uhh, she told him about my spaghetti liking! And my outer space fascination! Those are private details; friends aren't supposed to share that information with your boyfriend! That's like, friendship rule number one! And Eliza has broken it! Broken it! Shattered it into tiny pieces! And then stomped on them! In tap dancing shoes! And she had Sirius help!

"Uhh… Lily? Are you all right?" asks Andra.

Oh, right. Hand motioning. Facial contortions. These are starting to become a major problem. People are going to start thinking I'm insane or something! Haha. Imagine that.

"Well… G'night, Lily," says Andra cautiously.

What's she so afraid of? I bet she thinks I'm insane. Everyone seems to be under that illusion lately. I blame James.

James… he's really not bad at planning dinners, you know. If only he didn't use your traitor of a friend's information to make it better… it did help, though… hum…

Lemons… meringue…

"Lily!"

Mmm… pie…

"LILY!"

Shut up… lemons…

"AARGH!" I yell as freezing cold water devours my entire body. "WHAT!" I shout, sitting up and looking around wildly. "What was that for?" I ask, spotting Eliza.

"You weren't waking up!" she says simply.

"Oh… well that makes sen---"

Wait.

"It's Saturday, you twit," I say.

"So?" asks Eliza.

"Well, then there's no reason to wake up early," I say impatiently, gesturing at the clock, which reads 7:35.

"But I had to find out about your date!"

Oh. She wanted to know about me. Well, I guess that's okay. I just wish I wasn't wet…

Eliza whispers something, and all of the sudden I'm warm and dry.

"How did you---" I ask.

"Hand gestures," Eliza says simply.

"Ahh." The obsessive motioning. Big problem, I tell you. "Well, what do you want to know?" I ask smugly. I feel special!

"Just… how it went," says Eliza nonchalantly. Too nonchalantly. Hmm. "What'd you have for dinner?"

"Spa---"

AHA!

"AHA!" I say. "You're just dying to know if your traitorishness worked!"

I am so clever.

"'Traitorishness'?" asks Eliza confusedly. "All I did was tell the man you liked spaghetti."

SHE'S A TRAITOR I TELL YOU!

I cough. "Traitor." I cough again, twice. Slick, Lily, slick.

"Oh, how very slick of you," says Eliza, rolling her eyes.

Told you I was slick.

"But if you were half as slick as you think you are"--- how does she know that I know that I'm slick? --- "then you would realize that you've been fooled," Eliza continues.

I stare at her blankly.

Tricked? Me?

"What?"

Eliza's smirking now. Smirking is not good. Especially on Eliza.

WHAT IS SHE ON ABOUT!

I grunt.

Not what I was aiming for, but I think I got my point across.

Eliza folds her arms. "Do you even remember what you were anticipating about your dinner last night?"

"Of course I do," I say automatically.

"And that would be?"

"Uhm," I say.

Eliza's smirk widens.

You know what, I don't even know why I'm friends with that smirking, arm folding, traitor that's currently pestering me. That's all she ever does! PESTER. (That's such a cool word, by the way. Like PUBERT. Only that's not a word. And it's not really cool. So, uhmm, never mind.)

"Do the letters M-A-P mean anything to you, Lily?" asks Eliza, rolling her eyes.

"Nothing at all," I say truthfully. "Why do you ask?"

"I don't know why we put up with her," says Andra, coming in from the bathroom. "And to think she's Head Girl!"

My friends are terrible. I mean, if they were good friends, they'd insult me behind my back. I really need to get them a friendship manual or something, because they're definitely lacking in certain departments.

"Yeah, and this hand motioning habit she's acquired lately!" says Eliza. "I think it's James; she's been acting even odder than usual since they started going out."

"Yeah! And the way she's always---"

"Can we get back on topic, please?" I say, irritated.

"Right," says Eliza, shaking her head. "So you don't remember the map at all?"

I shake my head. Would I really be at the mercy of you if I did? Honestly, woman.

"You were freaking out about it a week ago," says Andra. "Before patrols. Remember? After you got the news about the Ministry break-in? Does this sound familiar at all?" she says, adopting a kindly tone that would be fitting if you were conversing with an extremely dim-witted four year-old.

"I'm really not catching on here, so if you could just tell me what you're on about---"

"You know what?" says Eliza, smirking even more. "I don't think we should. I mean, if you don't remember, then what's the point in causing the trouble? I'm sure James would prefer it if you didn't remember about the map, since he was so content on keeping it quiet earlier."

NOOOO!

They HAVE to tell me! THEY HAVE TO, DAMNIT!

"Ohhhhh," I say, playing along. "The map. Why didn't you say so?"

"So you do remember!" says Eliza.

(Heheheh.)

"I knew you would," Eliza says, while Andra surveys me suspiciously.

"So you remember that James was going to tell you why he didn't show up for patrols that one night? And about that mysterious 'map'?" Eliza asks earnestly.

I do now sucka.

"Now I do!" I say, stepping past an appalled Eliza and into the bathroom.

"I can't believe you fell for that! You're so thick, Eliza, honestly," I hear Andra saying exasperatedly.

I sure am slick.

(A/N: Normally, I'd end it here, but I don't want to make the last chapter too scrunched together, so I'll keep going a little ways. Remember—lots of reviewsepilogue!)

All right.

So now it's time to find James.

And demand that he tell me about the map and his absence at patrols.

You know, as much as I'd like to plead their idiocy/insanity (which is saying something, since I'm, you know, Lily), it's really a good thing I have Eliza and Andra, or else James would have fooled me without me ever knowing!

Okay. So. Where would I go on a Saturday if I was James?

Library?

Nah.

Kitchens?

Maybe, but it's too soon after breakfast.

Quidditch Pitch?

Bingo.

"Hey, Lily," says James, flying over to where I'm sitting in the stands. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, nothing much," I say casually. "What are you doing down here alone? Where's Sirius?"

"I'm not sure… inside somewhere, probably. I just wanted to come down alone, to, you know, clear my mind. I'm glad you could join me, though," he adds, flashing me a gorgeous smile.

I smile back tentatively. I am such a goner.

Must be strong, Lily! Weaklings don't get information about maps!

"But anyways," I say abruptly. "I just remembered that you never told me about that map of yours!"

James furrows his brow. "What map?"

DON'T PLAY DUMB WITH ME, BOY!

"You know, that one you were talking about in the Astronomy Tower the other day," I say. "I was just wondering, you know, not to be nosy, or anything…"

James grins. "Oh, of course not. Well, I guess I could show you tonight? That is, if you really want to know. It's honestly nothing special."

"You seemed pretty worried about it when you were talking about it," I say, pressing for information.

"It's nothing, really," says James, smiling reassuringly. "Just a little secret."

Bwahaha. Secret.

I look at him pleadingly. Work the magic, emerald eyes!

James sighs. "But I guess it's time I told you; you deserve to know, since it's probably going to affect you, too."

"As long as you don't mind," I say quickly.

"Nah, its fine. I'll tell you about it during patrols. There are just a couple of things I have to set straight with the boys first, that's all."

He tore his eyes from me, gazing over the Hogwarts grounds.

"It's beautiful here, isn't it," he says quietly. "I'm really going to miss it next year…"

Turning back to me, he says, "Come on, I'll give you a ride back to the castle."

A/N: Dun dun dun dun! Anyways, I'm thinking the ending will be more romantic (ahem… sappy) then humorous, but if I do end up writing an epilogue, I have a good comedy plan for that. So. Anyways. Hope this made a little bit of sense.

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