AN: I hope you guys will be as pleased with this chapter as I am. Finally the angst stuff ends with this chapter. It was getting annoying anyway. This chapter is dialogue and comma happy. I like commas for some reason. I'm anxious to write the consummation of Rikuo and Kaza's relationship, and this chapter is one giant step in that direction. As always, I appreciate reviews.
The Pygmalion Effect
chapter 7
Saiga loved the rain. He could smell it from miles away. When he was a boy in the country, he remembered how fresh the air smelled when the first sheet of water fell and mixed with the earth. Thousands of tiny meteors crashing and destroying dusty dirt sent that wonderful smell right to Saiga, just for him. In the city, the experience was not quite the same. Dirt is replaced with hot asphalt. The smell sent up from summer rain and the road is often noxious. The union makes fumes and ugly grey steam.
But there is one moment, right before the rain hits the ground, that Saiga can smell the pure water.
Kakei was making coffee in the kitchen.
Saiga stripped their bed and remade it.
The fitted mattress sheet was too big. So were the sheets and the comforter. The pillow cases lay flat without pillows. Saiga didn't want to put his pillows into those cases. Kakei said it was silly. Didn't he just put a stranger's bed clothes on their bed?
"But I have to put my face on my pillow. It's different," Saiga explained.
The sheets were very clean and white, but the stain was there in the threads. Molecules and memories are ingrained; you can't get them out with bleach. Saiga sniffed the air. Behind the scent of Kakei's strong coffee and the lingering odor of fresh linen, he could smell the rain. In it came. It even talked to Kakei. It declined a cup of coffee. The bedroom door opened.
Kazahaya dully smiled at Saiga. He had no expression when he saw the bed; his attention was pulled away when Kakei entered the room.
"Look at the poor boy," Kakei said. He ran a hand through Kazahaya's hair. "He's been running errands for me all day and he's soaked to the bone."
"It's okay. I like the rain." Saiga grunted and Kakei snapped a serious reprimand.
"Now Saiga-san," Kakei teased (his teases and punishments were often the same) as he appraised Saiga's bed-making skills. "We can't help that the bed is the wrong size. This will have to do, and honestly it will not make a difference. Kaza-kun, go dry yourself, get something warm in you, and come right back. Rikuo will be gone for two hours at least so it's best we get this done as soon as possible." Kazahaya nodded and left the room. He frowned at the look Saiga was giving him.
When Kakei was sure Kazahaya was out of earshot, he turned on Saiga.
Sharply he said, "I know you don't approve of this, but don't make it harder than it is."
Saiga cut the air with his hand. "This is…insane!"
"Then don't be here! I can handle this myself. Leave."
"You act like a child sometimes Kakei." Saiga slammed the door behind him. With shaking hands he made a cup of coffee. Lots of sugar. It wouldn't calm his nerves. He stood at the kitchen counter and stared at the white tiles and the black grout. Kakei wanted the grout black because he wouldn't have to clean it as much.
"I'm sorry, Saiga." Kakei's soft whisper floated to Saiga's ear just as suddenly as warm arms enveloped his waist. Their fights were short and the makeup fast. Kakei buried his face into Saiga's strong back. He knew his lover hated this, and so did he, but it was something Kazahaya needed.
Saiga repeated something Kakei had said a week earlier.
"What Kaza needs, Kaza gets. Remember?"
A sigh was Kakei's answer.
"This…this is all for his sake." Saiga spun around and looked down at Kakei. His eyes were glossy from the glare of his glasses. "Are you ever going to tell him why?"
Kakei grinned. "Maybe. For now we'll just keep it to ourselves."
--
Kazahaya wanted to hurry. He slipped on warm, dry clothing as quick as he could. The mirror reflected a boy who looked like he just stepped out of the shower and was preparing for a normal day. Maybe he was going on a date with a lover, maybe he was getting ready for work. If any of that were true, Kazahaya would count himself lucky.
In reality, it was the end of the day and his so-called lover was miles away doing busy work to get him as far away from the drugstore as possible. Kazahaya thought, I'd rather be working than preparing for this.
Thinking about it made his head hurt.
When he started to dry his hair, his hands slowed. The towel barely moved over strands of dripping gold hair. The mirror swirled and time seemed to stop.
I…I don't know if I can do this, Kazahaya thought, but if I don't my mind and my body will continue to react against each other. Who knows what will happen?
Kazahaya never managed to completely dry his hair. He trudged downstairs to Kakei and Saiga's apartment to finish what his rapist started months earlier.
The disconnect, the sever between his logical mind and his unthinking body.
"You are feeling calm, Kaza-kun?" Kakei led the boy into the bedroom. He only nodded. Saiga was standing by the bed with his arms crossed tightly. The crinkles in his jacket were mad and jagged. His jaw was set firm. If he was looking into his eyes, Kazahaya wouldn't know. He only saw black sunglasses fitted on an unsure face.
Kakei motioned at the bed.
Kakei felt shame now, not for himself, but for Kazahaya. Would he feel shame afterwards? Would this inevitable violation feel as deep as the physical touches experienced during the day and night? Is the mind capable of making memories seem so real? Kakei knew these were stupid questions. The answers were so obvious. Kazahaya had proved several times that the mind is capable of making the body feel what it wants.
Why else had he lost himself in visions?
Kazahaya lay on the bed. The sheets quivered underneath him.
It's just me shaking, he thought.
He said to Kakei and Saiga, "Sometimes they don't want to give up their memories. I'll have to force…" The word force made him stumble. Force. Force. Force. "…it might take a while," he finished with a tremble. Saiga made an awkward gesture with his hand towards the bed.
"Can I sit?" Kazahaya had never heard such a nervous tremor come from Saiga. Kazahaya wanted to say yes, but this was something he had to do alone.
"I can't have any distractions, Saiga-san. I might pick up on your presence." And your emotions. Kazahaya smiled as a lock of damp, golden hair fell across his face. Saiga's breath hitched. He saw something cross Kazahaya's face as the hair came to a rest. The dull glow of the lamp shimmered in Kazahaya's unblinking eyes. Pupils dilated, irises turned into hard facets of unwavering focus…focus not on Saiga, but focus inward.
The vision had come quite suddenly like a summer rain.
Kazahaya expected it, saw the clouds pregnant with rain, but he could never really tell when their grey load would pop. Every corner of the room was cloudy like gauze. He could see an outline…Saiga looming like a guard. With a third eye, ever perceptual, he saw Kakei in a white shadow. The lamp and nightstand to his right shimmered with slow light. Each ray of light, not one whole thing, but infinite molecules of radiance moved with the speed of his human vision. The sound of their ricochet as they hit the walls and each other was a silence so deep that the blood pounding in his head sent out little ripples of vibration. The beat deflected the light away from him and he wondered if he was in darkness if these little lights couldn't touch him.
A more pressing thought entered his mind. Where is the vision? It never took this long…
What is this formless place?
A transition? Could this be the place between visions?
Kazahaya saw the white room throb as he tried to pull himself away.
A thousand mental hands reached out to Kakei and Saiga.
He could not touch them.
A soft whisper, like the exhale of breath entered Kazahaya's mind suddenly. Her voice was tender and filled his body to the point of overflowing. It breathed through his pores.
"Kazahaya. My Wind."
He asked fearfully, Who is it? Who's there?
"Have you already forgotten my voice, brother?"
Kei? Kei! Where are you?
"I am here. I am…everywhere."
Kazahaya thought with a sob, I can't see you.
"You don't have to see me. I'm here my precious, precious Kazahaya."
Like it had done with his body, Kei's voice was now filling the room to bursting. Each syllable was like a bell, a sacred sound. Warmth washed over Kazahaya's skin, what he could feel as his mental skin; the sensation calmed his hard thumping heart to nearly stopping. His mind swam with the lack of blood, but he perceived it as falling asleep. The tiny rays of light in the strange room floated around him now. He remembered a pond…images of strange, almost meaningless things came to him.
You remember that little pond we had…
"The one with minnows. They were happy fish."
Kazahaya smiled. I feel like I'm floating in all this light. Kei, where am I? Where are you? Are you—?
"This is not where you belong. You should go back to your love."
I can't go back Kei. If you can see in my mind—
"Yes, I know. I have rescued you from that fate."
My mind and body are messed up. I have to remember or I'll die!
Kei's twinkling laughter cut through the room. "You won't die, Kaza. It is painful for the mind to be out of order with the body, but don't fear it for death. I fear for your sanity—"
Kazahaya growled in frustration, If it's my sanity…it's the same Kei! I'll go crazy! Let me remember, it won't be so bad.
"No, but what about Rikuo?"
Rikuo.
"You love him?"
I…I love him? I don't know yet.
"He is thinking of you right now. He's coming back for you. He knows."
I don't understand.
"I'm only here to stall, dear brother." Kei's voice was suddenly becoming very small. Her whispers were taking the light. Dull grey was replacing the golden white. Kazahaya's heart stopped beating and what was left of the light rushed into his body with the abandon of stardust being sucked into a black hole.
Kei don't leave me.
"You are strong and you'll be fine. When you wake, your mind and body will be at peace."
Kazahaya felt his eyes begin to absorb the growing darkness.
Kei…no…
"I love you forever. You haven't disappeared with the wind…"
Her voice vanished.
Kazahaya was raised up from the darkness by gentle hands. He had seen nothingness for so long and too many bright lights, so when his eyes opened—his real human eyes—he relished the familiar glow of a simple light bulb in a lamp. A little jog to his body shook him awake.
"Kazahaya." Rikuo's somber voice came to Kazahaya immediately and when the fuzziness of the strange vision left him, he could see Rikuo with perfect clarity.
Kazahaya smiled widely and threw his arms around Rikuo. "Oh, Rikuo."
"I leave you for one second and you get into trouble." Rikuo squeezed Kaza tightly.
Saiga cleared his throat. "Eh…maybe you two would like some privacy?"
"But what did you see? I didn't sense anything—" Kakei had come to Kazahaya's side with a frantic expression. Even his glasses were skewed.
"I didn't see anything. Well, I saw a lot of white light. I heard my sister's voice. She told me that I didn't have to do it, that I was going to be okay. What does it mean?"
Kakei thought for a moment. "I'm not sure. Perhaps we should wait and see if your mind and body decide they want to get along and play nice." Kazahaya smiled and laid his head on Rikuo's shoulder. "I feel a little tired."
"Rikuo why don't you take Kaza up to his bed." Rikuo hefted the light boy in his arms, quite unnecessarily. Kazahaya stifled a giggle for his embarrassment. He wasn't that tired, but knowing Rikuo was taking initiative in his well-being pleased him. Saiga chuckled to himself when he and Kakei were alone. Kakei frowned and began stripping the bed.
"Aw come on, Kakei, don't be so pouty."
"I'm not being pouty. This frustrates me. Kazahaya was supposed to have a vision of the rape. It doesn't make any sense." White sheets fell to the floor carelessly. Kakei would have burned them right there if he had the choice. Saiga recognized the look of a man who was angry with a situation over which he had no control, and when Kakei wasn't in control, he was indeed "pouty" and very unpleasant to be around.
"Eh…I'll go start dinner." Saiga sighed a breath of relief once he was in the kitchen.
Hope Kaza and Rikuo are having it better than us tonight.
--
Rikuo gently tossed Kazahaya on his bed. The boy let out an "oof!" and a giggle.
"You scared me tonight." Kazahaya stopped laughing.
"Saiga told me what you guys were planning tonight. I was waiting."
"Rikuo, I—"
"No! You let me finish." Rikuo stood over Kazahaya like a great judge. He pointed a finger at the accused shrinking into the bed. The last time Rikuo pointed a finger at him, Kazahaya had slapped him, but not this time.
"I thought maybe you had enough sense or at least some respect to listen to me." Rikuo let his hand fall to his side. "But…I had a dream last night about Tsukiko. She told me not to worry about you, that you could make your own decisions. I trust what she tells me, whether or not it was her or just my mind playing tricks on me. I have to trust that you know what you need." Rikuo pulled Kazahaya to him. "I can't always be around to protect you."
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Rikuo." Kazahaya felt a sob coming on.
"It's alright. Hey, don't cry." Rikuo brushed away a tiny tear. He kissed the wet trail it made with tender lips. "You're going to be fine, right? You trust what your sister says?"
"I do. She said saved me from that vision. I hope she did." Kazahaya looked into Rikuo's eyes, dark and heavy with too many worries about his lover.
"If she did, Rikuo, save me from seeing it again, then I'll be free to feel what I want without…humiliation."
"You never told me you felt that way."
"I was afraid to tell you."
"Never be afraid to tell me anything."
"Anything?"
Anything…
--
Another day in the life of Rikuo and Kazahaya at Green Drugstore. It was mundane but they were terribly happy because they were together. Kakei grinned as he walked by with a box in his hand.
"Going to the trash," he said casually. Rikuo shrugged.
"I didn't think someone could be so happy taking out garbage," he mumbled.
"Oh, but it's no ordinary trash Rikuo!" Saiga appeared out of nowhere with a cigarette hanging from his mouth and gave Rikuo a good jab to the arm. "You know," he whispered in Rikuo's ear, "it's been a week since Kazahaya had that vision…I mean…didn't have the vision he thought he was going to have. Kakei's chunking those sheets."
"You don't have to whisper behind my back Saiga-san."
Not at all bothered with being caught gossiping, Saiga yelled, "Hey! Kudo's getting laid tonight!" Saiga laughed noisily and picked Kazahaya up and spun him around in a playful hug.
"Saiga-san! People could be in the store."
"Nah. I always look for innocent ears before I say offensive stuff. Heh, look at your cheeks. They're as red as cherries. Speaking of cherries—"
"Saiga, tease him later, he has work to do." Saiga gave Kazahaya's shoulder a good, friendly squeeze as he followed Kakei into his office.
The deed was done. In a days time the sheets would be in the dump and forgotten.
Kazahaya had been spared reliving the rape by his sister. A whole week had passed and his body quit telling his brain that something bad had happened. Phantom pains disappeared and dark dreams that wouldn't normally haunt an innocent mind gave way to more important things: Rikuo.
Kazahaya giggled when he and Rikuo were alone stocking the shelves. "Saiga-san can be pretty funny." He said it to himself more than anyone, but Rikuo took the opportunity to push himself against his back. He whispered hotly in his ear, "Unless you want to fulfill his little prophecy."
"T-tonight?"
"Is it what you want?" Rikuo boldly reached his hand around and grabbed the object of Kazahaya's release. Rikuo had touched him before but never with such teasing. He massaged between Kaza's legs, arousing a pert erection that was cut down when the bell above the door chimed a warning that it time to stop groping. The chatter of girls came around the corner. They found Rikuo on one side of the aisle and Kazahaya occupied at the end. Each teenager's eye appraised the delicious bodies of both boys. It was like choosing between a juicy steak and an equally delicious juicy steak.
Rikuo and Kazahaya rolled their eyes at the approaching sharks.
Just another day in the life of a Green Drugstore employee.
tbc.
