HAWKE

"Serena!" I shout at the top of my lungs.

The Dalish is sprinting toward Hightown at full speed, making it difficult for me to keep up.

I've chased her all the way from Lowtown on instinct. Something inside me told me I had to—that I must. But she won't bloody listen, no matter how many times I call out her name!

"Serena, wait!" I yell, as she hurries through the chantry courtyard, up the nearby steps. "Blasted, stubborn elf . . ."

How did she even get so fast?

I sprint up the steps two at a time, my chest heaving. The breath almost knocked out of me from pushing it so hard, while wearing full armor.

I catch a glimpse of her storming into Fenris's mansion at the top. She slams the door shut behind her, just as I run up to it. I try to burst inside after her, but the door hardly budges. It's like she's physically blocking it from the other side.

"Serena . . .?" I whisper.

Silence.

My heart races. I don't know what to say, what to do. But I know I have to say something. Something to clear the air. To clarify what in Andraste's name is going on.

"Serena, listen. I—"

"Stop! Stop right there, Hawke!" she snaps, and I flinch.

She really must be sitting in front of the door. Her voice sounds far too low to the ground otherwise.

"I'm-I'm fine," she stutters, but her words sound . . . wobbly, weak, as if she's fighting back tears. "Really. I just . . . I have a lot going through my mind right now. But I'm-I'm alright. I'm happy for you. And Isabela. Really. She's a good person, deep down. I know it."

Isabela? What is she . . , ?

Wait.

"Serena, are you . . . ? Are you crying?" I ask.

"What? No! Of course not. I'm fine. I—"

I force the door open with my shoulder using every drop of strength I've got. Serena falls forward, letting out a quiet yelp. She looks up at me with rivers of tears streaking down her face, her eye-whites tinged a darkening red. "H-Hawke . . ." she whispers.

She tries to scoot away from me.

My heart throbs.

I fight the urge to lean down and pull her into my arms.

The feelings I've been trying to suppress overflow. "I'm in love with you," I whisper, squatting down in front of her, defeated "I have been for the past three years. I—"

I reach out to touch her cheek.

She recoils from it. "Wait, Hawke. Stop. Don't . . . I can't. I—" She shakes her head and gawps up at me with fearful, watery eyes. The teal depths lost in a turbulent storm. "I can't."

"Why?" My lungs constrict. "Is it . . . because of Fenris?"

"Yes! No! I don't know!" She buries one hand in her roots. "This is all so . . . so complicated. And confusing. I just—" She curls up tight into a ball, to the point where she hides her face, as if to disappear. "I just want some peace in my life! Just a bit. Is that so much to ask?"

"Of course not," I whisper.

Serena snaps up again. She unwinds a bit from her death-clenching hold on herself, but it'd be inaccurate to say she looked any more at ease.

"I also wish to have some more peace in my life. Maker knows we never seem to have enough of it. But that doesn't mean we can't seek that peace out together."

Serena relaxes a bit more—her internal storm slowly quelling. Yet, still cautious.

"You don't need to do everything on your own, Serena. I'm not asking anything of you," I insist. "I only wished to tell you how I feel, so you wouldn't misunderstand. But please, let me still remain by your side. We can work through whatever's bothering you together. As friends."

"Can we?" she asks, but her question almost comes out like a plea. "I don't think things can be that simple."

"Our lives are never simple," I joke. "But we can at least try."

Serena hesitates.

She bites down on her bottom lip and looks away. "Ir abelas, Hawke," she whispers. "I-I need some time. To think about this. All of it."

My chest squeezes again. "I understand." I pat her on the head. "Take all the time you need. But tell me . . . Do you . . . feel anything for me at all? Can you at least indulge me that much?"

Serena's eyes widen to the size of apples. "What? Yes! Of course! I—" She glances away again. A slight blush blooms at the top of her cheeks. "I do care for you, Hawke," she whispers, "as much as I might not want to. But things—my life—it's a total mess. And I . . . I need to figure some things out. On my own. I need to reflect, both on how I feel as well as some things involving my past."

Her fists clench around the half-obscured necklace around her neck.

"I know I haven't told you much about it," she continues, lowering head. "But . . . I've lost several important people in my life. Ones I cared for and trusted in deeply. A lot. And I . . . I still grieve those losses. More than you or anyone else knows. They haunt me, both in my dreams and while I'm awake. And because of that I . . . It's difficult for me to seek out . . . happiness. Alone or otherwise. It's something I've been struggling to work on for years, to let people in. And I still need some more time, it seems."

Ah. So, that's why she's always keeping her distance.

She's grieving.

That explains why getting information from her sometimes can be worse than extracting a tooth. Bethany and Mother have never been much better.

"It's good that time is just about infinite then, right?" I tease.

Serena glimpses up at me. Her uncertain gaze reminds me more and more of a scolded mabari. Almost to the degree that she'd put Titan to shame.

"Look." I force a smile. "Take all the time you need. I'm not going to rush you, and I'm certain Fenris feels the same. You need to do what's best for you. So, don't feel bad about it. And if you need to talk in the meantime, I'll be here for you. Nothing has to change overnight. We will still always be friends."

Serena pauses.

She seems to consider my words at length, then looks up, and flashes me a touching half-smile. "Thank you, Hawke." She bows her head. "I mean it."

I suppress a faint chuckle and rise to my feet.

Another thought occurs to me, amid our heart-to-heart.

"To clarify one more thing," I stop and rub at the back of my neck. "At the market a few weeks ago. Were you . . . glaring at me? On purpose? Or was I reading too much into that?"

"Glaring at you?" Serena quirks an eyebrow at me. "When?"

"In front of that fruit stand. When I—"

Serena stares at me with a blank expression.

A fresh heat wells up in my cheeks. "Oh, forget about it. I guess it really was nothing," I mutter, turning away.

"Were you bothered by that all this time?"

I spin toward her. "What? So, you did know?"

"I-I wasn't glaring at you," she stammers. "I guess I was . . . glaring at myself?"

I narrow my eyes at her and cross my arms. "Alright. You've lost me."

"I think I lost myself." She laughs.

I grin and help her back onto her feet. Her small hand in mine feels so fragile and delicate to the touch, but I know that's not her physical case. Her emotional state, however, remains another matter entirely it seems.

"Go get some rest," I insist, as I pivot towards the door. "I'll high-tail it back to Lowtown. Hopefully I can catch Isabela before they start to gossip. But that might be a bit of a stretch."

Serena tugs at the back of my armor, stopping me mid-stride. "Wait," she says.

I peek over my shoulder at her.

She avoids looking directly at me, as though shy, embarrassed. "Is . . . Is there anything going on between you and Isabela?" she asks.

Pride and elation swell within me. "Would that bother you?" I smirk.

Serena's jaw drops. If I didn't know any better, I'd think it landed somewhere in the Deep Roads.

"I jest! I jest!" I laugh. "No, there's nothing going on between Isabela and me. We're just friends. Though, she can be a bit . . . touchy-feely sometimes. But none more so than with everyone else."

Serena's shoulders droop. "Oh. Okay. That's good to know."

I can't resist giving her a haughty grin. "Jealous, were we?" I tease.

Serena jolts. "What? No! Of course not!" she scoffs. "Me? Jealous? Who do you take me for, Hawke?" She pivots away and crosses her arms. "Jealous . . ." she huffs.

Her nose crinkles up at the word.

The action makes my spirits soar more than I ever thought possible. "You were jealous. Just admit it," I persist, near floating, enjoying riling her up as I bask in this moment.

Serena rolls her eyes and glares at me. "I was not jealous!" She drops her arms by her sides again, like a small child, throwing a tantrum.

"Alright! Alright! Whatever you say!" I laugh, and I hold my hands up in a defensive position, in case she leaps to fight me over it.

I doubt even in my current sober state I'd stand much of a chance. Not with her lightning fast reflexes. And forget it if she used magic.

I lower my hands once she visibly relaxes again, and I feel my own expression soften. "For the record, though, I've been jealous. I'm happy to hear . . . No, I'm relieved to hear that you might've felt the same."

A new look of vulnerability flickers in her gaze.

For a moment, it looks like she wants to say something, to respond, but a tense silence lingers between us.

Taking that as my cue to leave, I turn for the door again. Maker forbid I push her too much and ruin whatever good progress we've made tonight.

"Goodnight. Get some rest," I insist.

"I'll . . . really think about it all. I promise," Serena calls after me.

"I know." I smile back at her. "Goodnight," I whisper, and then I exit out into the frosty chill of Hightown and shut the mansion's door behind me.