"Here, Mr. Gandalf, can't you do something about this deluge?" Dori called done with being soaked. I, for one, didn't mind all too much, truthfully I was considering breaking out the soap. I could smell myself and huuu boy did the dwarves need a bath.
"It is raining, Master Dwarf," Gandalf turned a little in his saddle to answer. "And it will continue to rain until the rain is done. If you wish to change the weather of the world, you should find yourself another Wizard." Dori sighs disappointed and I snickered pulling off my hood to let the rain run through my hair. Tilting my head back to the water also hit my face. Was it the smartest decision? No. Did it feel fantastic? Yes. Was I going to regret it later? Probably.
"Are there any?" Bilbo asked curious his nose twitching from the raindrops falling from his hood.
"What?"
"Other Wizards." Bilbo clarified.
"There are five of us," Gandalf answered. "The greatest of our order is Saruman the White. Then there are the two Blue Wizards... Do you know, I've quite forgotten their names."
"And who is the fifth?"
"Well, that would be Radagast the Brown."
"Is he a great Wizard? Or is he more like you?" Bilbo asks slyly and I barked out a laugh which got me a dirty look from Gandalf. That look found its way to Bilbo who merely looked back expectantly.
"I think he's a very great Wizard, in his own way." He finally answered looking forward. "He's a gentle soul who prefers the company of animals to others. He keeps a watchful eye over the vast forest lands to the east. And a good thing too. For always evil will look to find a foothold in this world."
"Are they all men?" I blurted out. "No dwarfs or elves, I mean? But elves have magic too what amount of magic qualifies someone to be a wizard?"
"It is true all of us take the form of men. And while it is true that the Elves have magic, magic itself does not qualify one to be a wizard."
"You said 'take the form of'. Does that mean you can choose what you look like?"
"In some regards, I suppose." He hummed and Bilbo jumped back on the question train.
"Can you change form at will?" Oris' hand twitches. If it wasn't raining I'm sure he'd be writing all of this down. Gandalf hums but doesn't give a definitive answer. I take it as a yes.
"Will you do it right now?" I bounce on my horse a little, much to the amusement of some of the others around me. I asked half out of curiosity and half to get on his nerves.
"For the love of Eru, child." Gandalf looks down exasperated. "I will not."
"But you could." I pointed out a giant smile on my face. He sighs but doesn't answer otherwise.
The rain stopped that afternoon. We had stopped for lunch when it slowed to a drizzle then stopped completely. The sun streaming through the leaves improved moods. Their damp clothing keeping them still somewhat grumpy. Except for Bifur but so far it seemed like he was a complete opposite than the rest of his group. Eating greens, not minding showers and he couldn't speak common. So obviously I spent the rest of my afternoon with him. I knew maybe two signs in American sign language. The Hobbits had one but I wasn't supposed to share that unless someone asked. Hobbits were weird like that. The Dwarves had one too and after a short discussion between Bifur and Balin. It was decided that I was allowed to learn it as there was no rule against it. He taught me the sign for hello, goodbye, good morning, goodnight, hungry and thirsty before we settled down for the night.
The next few days I spent most of the afternoon with Bifur. He taught me what signs he could but often had to call to the nearest dwarf for a translation in common. I was so thankful that he understood common as I'd try to sign and speak at the same time. Sometimes stopping in the middle of a sentence because I didn't know the signs to continue. I could understand most of what he was trying to tell me. When he signed slowly anyway. I had breakfast with Bilbo and sometimes we talked for an hour or two. I showed him what I'd learned with Bifur the night before and he'd help me practice. I'd talk to Fili and Kili for a bit, well they talked I listened. They told stories which would more times than not turn into storytime. People chiming in with input or their own stories. Dwalin pulled me away before dinner each night but we didn't 'spar' again. He taught me the forms and had me run through them till my arms were shaking. After I'd gotten an understanding he gave them numbers and shouted them out at random. I'm pretty sure Bilbo fed me and tucked me in one night because I was so tired. Bilbo and I were still at the edge of the camp. We ate dinner together as the dwarves are in a group by the fire. Laughing and telling jokes and stories in their native tongue.
The land around us was slowly changing from dense forests to grasslands. The trees were thinning out and the grass was getting higher. That meant we were getting more sun exposure. Thankfully there was still enough shade to keep me from getting a sunburn on the top of my head and my face.
We came upon the first man-made structure I'd seen in days. It was a broken-down home with an equally broken barn. What concerned me was the way it was broken. The roofs were broken in the walls only slightly damaged. This wasn't the work of a fire and it didn't look old enough for time to have done this. That and Gandalf's worried face. If Gandalfs worried we should all be worried. But no one else seemed concerned so I didn't bring it up.
"We'll camp here for the night," Thorin ordered bringing his pony to face the rest of us. "Fili, Kili, look after the ponies. Make sure you stay with them."
"A farmer and his family used to live here." I was close enough to head Gandalf's statement having come closer to inspect the building. wonderful
"Oin, Gloin. Get a fire going." Thorin barked out.
"Aye. Right you are." Gloin and Oin answered moving to do as ordered. I moved away from the house and swung off of my horse. It felt wonderful to stretch my legs. I bend down to touch my toes when Gandalf stormed past.
"Everything all right? Gandalf, where are you going?" Bilbo called out after him. His hand pausing in stroking his ponies nose.
"To seek the company of the only one around here who's got any sense."
"You just passed Bilbo," I snarkily called after him. Both Bilbo and Balin gave me disapproving looks. Bilbo hissing a 'Razena' I shrugged.
"And who's that?" Bilbo turned to call out to Gandalf's back.
"Myself, Mr. Baggins. I've had enough of Dwarves for one day." Gandalf stomped off into the trees. Bilbo and I watched him go the others going on as if nothing was wrong. I stood there for a moment longer before heading off to collect firewood with my buddy who today was Ori.
"Come on, Bombur, we're hungry," Thorin snapped and Bombur and Bilbo started on dinner.
I was sprawled out over my bedroll chest heaving and covered in sweat but my body didn't hurt as much. Hopefully, that meant I was getting stronger. Bilbo said he'd bring me a bowl. Bofur shoved two bowls in his hands and said something. Bilbo gave me an apologetic smile then headed in the direction of Fili and Kili.
I pushed myself up and headed over to the fire. Just in time to see Bofur slap Bomburs' hand with the ladle.
"Stop it. You've had plenty." I snorted at Bombers dejected look. I held out my bowl for stew and smiled at Bofur.
"Aye, it's not a bad stew, Bombur." Gloin patted him on the back as he passed on the way to his bedroll.
"I've had worse." Nori teased then glanced at his older brother. "Dori could've cooked it."
"Hilarious." Dori deadpanned before taking another bite. I snickered and thanked Bofur and Bombur for the stew. I plopped down back on my bedroll and took a bite. My stomach felt like a bottomless pit and I shoveled the rest of the stew into my mouth. I place the bowl down next to me and flop down. Staring up at the darkened sky. I couldn't see many stars yet but the view of the stars here was amazing.
I stared up at the stars for a while just relaxing in the rapidly cooling air. When something came crashing through the bushes, I bolted up hand resting on my gun. Fili frantically gesturing in the way he came.
"Trolls! There are three trolls! They took the ponies and left Bilbo and Kili to deal distract the trolls."
"Hurry!" Thorin ordered. The camp bursts into action. Thankfully armor hadn't been removed yet and weapons were only an arm's length away. I jumped up but Thorin glared at me. "You will be staying here. You will only be more of a hindrance to us. Stay here and out of our way." I opened my mouth to protest, one withering glare from him later and it shut. A lump formed in the back of my throat. With my sword skills at the level they were, I knew he was right. That didn't stop the sting.
I slumped back down on my bedroll and watched them leave. Once they'd left I threw a rock in their direction as hard as I could. This sucked. My eyes drifted over to my pack. I'd been saving my ramen for a special occasion, but maybe using it as a comfort would be better. I grabbed a pot from my mess kit and poured some of my water in it. I put it over the fire and waited for it to boil. After that, I opened the packet and poured in the Ramen and read the directions. It'd been so long and the smell made my mouth water. I let it sit for 3 minutes and kept track of time by counting Mississippis'. I then took the pot off the fire and set it on a rock, pouring in the flavor packet. I stirred it until the seasoning disappeared and then waited a few minutes for it to cool down.
I melted when I put the first bite in my mouth. Was it wrong that I'd really missed processed foods? It soothed my hurt feelings in a way no other food, besides ice cream, could. I ended up trying to lick the pot clean.
Cleaning the pot and the left out bowls I sat back on a log. Looking in the direction they went I felt the first strings of worry tug at my heart. I knew they were very capable warriors. Dwalin's head was probably hard enough to be a cannonball but they still weren't back. I pursed my lips together and decided I'd give them another half an hour.
I waited on my bedroll. I shoved an extra handful of bullets in my cargo pocket and loaded my gun. Strapping my sword on I waited. Staring expectantly at the woods like they'd walk out covered in blood but victorious. They'd tell me the story before we went to bed tonight and everything would be fine.
They didn't come back.
I waited 30 minutes then fifteen more straining my ears to catch any sign of them crashing through the foliage. Nothing. I stood and followed the trail they made cautiously. A couple minutes of walking later I spotted a light through the trees. I drew my gun and creeping forward I peeked into the camp. My mouth fell open. I know they said trolls but this wasn't what I had pictured. They were huge three times my size and one of there legs were as thick as an oak tree. 'Well, that explains why they didn't come back.' I thought as I stared at the huge spit slowly turning over an even bigger fire. The rest of the dwarves were tied in sacks and tossed to the side.
My sword was going to be useless unless I managed to get to those tied up. I wasn't even sure my bullets would pierce their flesh.
"Oh! That's hot, that's hot, that's hot!" Was a sentiment echoed by most of the dwarves on the spit. Some of them were blowing on the fire as if it would do anything.
"Don't bother cooking them. Let's just sit on them and squash them into jelly." One of the trolls said. They spoke. Oh my god we were all going to die.
"They should be sauteed and grilled with a sprinkle of sage." I blinked slowly at the one that had an apron on. 'I guess even giant creatures want something that tastes nice.'
"Is this really necessary?" Someone shouts out as they go around.
"That does sound quite nice." The first one looked like it was contemplating it.
"Untie me, mister." "Eat someone your own size." I shouldn't find that funny but I did. I muffled my laughter behind my hand.
"Never mind the seasoning. We ain't got all night. Dawn ain't far away. Let's get a move on. I don't fancy being turned to stone."A troll complained and a light bulb went off simultaneously in Bilbo and I heads. He struggled to his feet.
"Wait! You are making a terrible mistake." He shouted looking up upon the creatures. Tiny in comparison, he looked even smaller in his burlap sack.
"You can't reason with them. They're half-wits!" Dori called as he passed by.
"Half-wits? What does that make us?" Even being roasted alive Bofur got snarky. I was quietly moving through the trees.
"I meant with the seasoning." Bilbo stuttered and I froze and raised an invisible eyebrow. 'Really Bilbo?'
"What about the seasoning?" Well, Bilbo had their attention anyway.
"Well, have you smelt them? You're gonna need something stronger than sage before you plate this lot up." He announced loudly and I snickered under my breath. It was a good thing I didn't break out the soap then.
"Traitor!" someone yelled out in outrage. I rolled my eyes. Surely they weren't that dense?
"What do you know about cooking Dwarf?" One asked suspiciously.
"Shut up. Let the flurgaburburhobbit talk." The troll knelt down actually interested in what Bilbo had to say.
"The secret to cooking Dwarf is…" he trailed off eyes glancing around desperate for an idea.
"Yes? Come on. Tell us the secret." The cook presses and Bilbo shifts nervously.
"It's, uh… Yes, I'm telling you. The secret is...to skin them first." He yells out the last part and my heart sinks. Kili and Thorin yell 'no' at the top of their lungs.
"What? Skin us?" Oin asked that dwarf had very selective hearing I swear.
"Tom, get me filleting knife." The cook ordered the stupid looking one. 'Did the have a giant kitchen somewhere?'
"I'll skin you, you little...!" Gloin hisses
"I won't forget that. I won't forget it." Dwalin bares his teeth and pointing at Bilbo angrily as he going spinning by on the spit.
"Oh god damn it Bilbo," I whispered hands tightening on my gun. "Couldn't let them marinate? Oh…" A light bulb went off and I pulled myself up a rock.
"What a load of rubbish." I pull myself over the top and stand. "I've eaten plenty with their skins on. Scarf them, I say, boots and all." The third, and most ugly, moved to round the fire towards the pile of bags.
"Shit" I mumble under my breath and pulled my gun out. I jump into the open on the rock and yelled: "Wait!" With one yell I have the attention of everyone in the clearing. I copied Bilbo's statement from earlier. "You are making a terrible mistake."
"Haven't we heard this before?" Toms squeaky rat voice questions.
"Shut up Tom," I pointed my gun at the stupid one. "I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to-" I looked expectantly at the cook.
"Bert." He raised a finger and informed me. I nodded in thanks.
"Bert, who obviously knows what he's doing." Thank god for ninth grade theater or else I'd be doing as bad as Bilbo.
"It's nice to have my talent appreciated."
"Yes well, skinning them won't do much good." I began talking like I was giving a lecture. "The smell is far too deep to be rid of with just sage and getting rid of the skin. You've got to draw out the smell. Slather them in a base layer of garlic. Let that sit for about half an hour. Then boil them in a stew of other strong veggies and herbs." I nodded like I didn't just make that up.
Halfway through my speech they started to shout and get angry except for Bilbo who sinks back to the ground.
"What kind of veggies?"
"Well, carrots are always good. And you can't forget the tomatoes. Tomatoes get rid of smells nicely. You wouldn't happen to have any would you?"
"The farmer had plenty in his garden."
"Go get them." I made a shooing motion with my hands. No one moved until Bert ordered him off.
"William go get em," William grumbled but left.
"Bert do you have a pot?" he nods. "Alright good, Tom can you go get it and fill it halfway with water?" he lumbered off. "Bert, could you remove the spit please?" He narrowed his eyes. "You're going to need the fire for the pot."
Bert lifts the spit off the fire and unceremoniously drops the spit near the others. I wince as they hit the ground with a thud. William comes back his arms full of tomato plants. Tom lugging the pot came into view a few moments later.
"Alright." I place my hands on my hips. "Secure the pot over the fire, William. Tom, pick the tomatoes off the vines. Bert, squish them in the pot." Once they were out of tomatoes Bert and I started throwing back and forth what other vegetables would go good adding a few every now and then. It continued like this for a good half an hour, after what William thought to be enough he picked up Bombur and held him over the soup.
"Wait! You can't add him yet." I meet Bombers eyes then Williams. "You need to let the mixture boil first."
Bombur was tossed back onto the pile. "Besides you can't add the cloth. It'll completely ruin the texture and flavor." William huffs and comes closer.
"Just how long do you expect us to wait!?" I held my breath as he huffed in my face. Please back up.
"Not too much longer." I glanced at the giant face and gulped. His eyes were narrowed in anger and I prayed that I'd actually find a weak point. I had several in mind but probably not enough time to get it wrong.
"You think I don't know what you're up to. This little ferret is taking us for fools."
"Ferret?" I echo
"Fools?"
I sighed and glanced behind me. The sun was starting to rise but it wouldn't be quick enough. "I tried."
A bang echoed through the forest. Williams's eye exploded as the bullet entered. I really hoped that there was enough force for the bullet to enter the skull. William made a strangled noise before falling to the ground with enough force to shake the rock I was standing on. There was a stillness in the clearing before I shot at Bert. He roars in pain but doesn't fall like William. Meaning I missed. Shit.
My eyes met his and I froze. Adrenaline started pumping through me as my body starts to shake.
"Shit." He took two steps toward me and I shot again. He stumbled back and I cursed again. I'd missed it had hit right between the eyes his skull had cracked but I'd really only succeeded in making him angry. His roar rattled my bones.
"Lass, don't just stand there!" The shout sounded far. Wait, no, it was just muted by the pounding of blood in my ears. 'Really not important right now brain!'
He didn't have to tell me twice. I didn't know which dwarf it was but I darted away and disappeared into the trees. I ran as quickly but quietly around the camp. The smaller one spun when a twig snapped. He crouched to try to see me in the trees. Mistake.
There was another bang and he howled clutching his eye and fell backward with a thump. The ugly one's roar of anger froze my blood. He charged like a bull. There were screams for me to move. I held my ground and brought my gun up. One bang, then another. One shot in each eye and the beast fell. Skidding to a stop a foot from me. I could see the mess that used to be his eyes. Blood slowly oozes and the dying troll snarls at me. I coughed from the smell of the trolls breath.
I glanced around to check for any more trolls, before putting another round in each. Holstering my gun, I put my hands on my knees as if I'd just run a marathon. The adrenaline, the stench, the screams reminded me of my world. I pushed back the memories and stood. The fire needed to be taken care of and the sacked dwarves released.
"Razena?" Bilbo called out. "Razena are you alright?!" I sucked in a deep breath held it for a second then shakily released it. Sticking on arm out I gave him a thumbs up.
"I'm good. I'm alright." I stood up straight and let out a slow breath. I jogged over to Bilbo and pulled out my sword. The elven blade slicing the ropes easily.
"Free them will you?" I jutted my chin over to the others. Then turned back to the fire and started shoveling dirt on top of it. A minute late another pair of hands were helping me shovel. As they were freed the dwarves helped put out the fire, but they were silent. I didn't say anything and let them work through the shock.
"By the Valar, what happened here?" Gandalf was poking William with his staff.
"Little late to the party aren't you Gandalf?" I placed my hands on my hips and gave him an unimpressed look. A moment later I was tugged into a hug. Bilbo's face pressing into my stomach.
"Bilbo? What," I swallowed, I almost didn't want to ask. "What are you covered in?" It was sticky and gross.
"Oh uh." He let go and shifted. "Troll boogers." I made a loud noise of disgust and started to frantically wipe myself off. I squeaked in surprise as I was swept off of my feet by a newly dressed Bifur. He didn't seem to mind the troll snot. Probably because he'd almost been roasted alive and troll snot really wasn't a concern compared to that.
"I did not think you were serious lass," Dwalin comments from over where he's helping Balin. Everyone was tense around the unknown weapon carried at my thigh. I could feel them taking glances at it. Only Bilbo and Bifur didn't seem to have a problem with it.
"Nor did you say the contraption was so loud," Bilbo grumbles rubbing at his sensitive ears.
"Sorry, Bilbo I wouldn't have used it if I thought I could have distracted them until sunrise." I apologetically patted his back which was thankfully free of troll boogers.
"You two knew?" Thorin leveled us with an accusing glare.
"Now, now, they weren't the only ones," Balin reminded him.
"You as well, Balin?"
Bifur grunted out a sentence. "Exactly!" Bofur nodded. "Not one of us believed the lassie, not even the wizard." Gandalf gave me a look that almost looked apologetic. Almost.
"A weapon that dangerous should not exist." Gandalf stares through narrowed eyes, I fight the urge to slump.
"It shouldn't but it does. I had hoped not to use it at all," Thorin opened his mouth and I tilted my chin up. "I'd like to remind you that I don't take orders from you or anyone else. It's mine and I'll do with it what I believe is best." He snarls but Gandalf draws him away.
They have a heated conversation but this time Gandalf doesn't go storming off but actually seemed to calm Thorin down. Balin going over halfway through seemed to help as well. Everyone seemed appeased about my weapon at least for now anyway.
Thorin, Gandalf, and Balin wandered back over a few minutes later.
"These trolls could not have moved in daylight. There must be a cave nearby." Gandalf announced loudly standing next to one of the dead bodies.
"And we should find it why?" I asked. Bilbo shrugged and Bofur commented as he adjusted his hat.
"Come on lass. Where is your sense of adventure?"
