Authors Notes
I do not own The Hobbit
I am so sorry for how long it has been between updates
The cave had been found the next day. We'd all agreed that we would like to sleep first. I was exhausted and fell onto my bedroll. I had unpleasant dreams but not nearly enough for me to wake up screaming. Bilbo woke me up with breakfast and I'd packed my bag on autopilot. The gag-inducing smell of the cave nearly made me throw up and I was several feet from the entrance.
"You know what, I think I'll stay out here, in the fresh air." I gave the cave a look. "Have fun with that." I walked over to the trees and sat in the shade. I unloaded my gun shoving the unused bullets back into my pocket. Waiting for my companions to come back out I looked around, the trolls must have uprooted the trees while coming in and out because there were none nearby. Bilbo came and sat with me as well as Ori. I put a hand on Bilbo's shoulder and gave him a look.
"Bilbo we really have to work on your improv. You started out ok but from there… it was…," I made a plummeting motion with my hand and an airplane crash noise. "You walked straight off the cliff you were trying to avoid, there's no other way to explain it."
Ori looked like he really wanted to laugh but a guilty look and Bilbo's reddening face stopped him. Bilbo didn't deny it but cleared his throat uncomfortably. Ori made a sympathetic face and took pity on him.
"Miss Razena, your weapon-"
"My gun?"
"Yes your gun, I was wondering how it worked." He asked subconsciously, holding his book tighter. 'Right, scribe, gotta take some precautions.'
"I'll tell you to the best of my ability Ori but you've got to promise me you won't write it down. I really don't want someone to remake it." He looks down at his book and gently places it down in the grass beside him.
"I promise, miss." I smile brightly and I explain what I know which admittedly isn't much. I pulled out my gun from my holster and carefully showed him the different parts. I slowly take it apart explaining each piece and its importance. Ori leans forward hanging on to every word his eyes wide in fascination.
I'm just putting the last piece into its place when the group that went in exited the cave. They bore new swords and bulging gold pouches. Are trolls like dragons? They certainly had no need for any of that stuff. Gandalf meandered out last and called Bilbo over.
"You're being summoned Bilbo," I gesture, unneededly, towards Gandalf as Bilbo was getting up. Then caught a glimmer of something in Gandalf's hands I leaned towards Bilbo excitedly. "Do you think he found something in the cave for you?"
He gives me a fond smile while dusting off his trousers. "I am not sure but if he has you will be the first person I tell." I watched as he walked off to the wizard.
He handed Bilbo what looked like a short sword but for the hobbit, it was longer than his arm. Bilbo, the gentle soul he was, tried to refuse. Gandalf seemed to insist and finally, Bilbo accepted. I made a mental note to ask Dwalin if Bilbo could join our training sessions. The group had slowly gathered back together now that everyone was here.
A moment later we heard rustling in the bushes.
"Somethings coming!" Thorin shouted, drawing his new sword. There was a chorus of clinging as numerous weapons were unsheathed at once.
"Stay together! Hurry now! Arm yourselves!" Gandalf moved to the front with a sword and a staff. So the wizard could duel wield, neat. 'Not important right now Razena!' I drew mine as well not confident enough in making a clean shot with so many other people in close range.
"Thieves! Fire! Murder!" Woodsy Santa atop a sleigh pulled by giant bunnies came crashing through the bushes screaming. I lowered my sword in shock and did a double-take. Was this man real? I tried my best not to recoil in disgust when I took in more details. The man had a trail of white flaking bird poop running down the side of his face.
"Radagast," Gandalf laughed relieved and lowered his weapon. "It's Radagast the Brown. Well… What on earth are you doing here?"
"I was looking for you, Gandalf." He answered his eyes wide gleaming with either fear or madness. "Somethings wrong. Something's terribly wrong."
"Yes?" Gandalf raised a brow
"Oh. Just give me a minute. Oh. I had a thought and now I've lost it." Radagast's face scrunched up in frustration. "It was right there on the tip of my tongue," his eyes went wide and he reached into his mouth. He continued to speak around his hand.
"Oh. It's not a thought at all. It's a silly old...stick insect." He held up a stick insect that was at least as long as my finger. I gagged and took a step back noticing Bilbo scrunch up his nose beside me. Gandalf pulled him out of hearing distance from the company. Bofur answered my question before I even opened my mouth.
"Wizard business," he patted me on the shoulder. "Best we stay out of their way." There was much agreement from the surrounding dwarves though Thorins' ever-present scowl had deepened.
'Maybe this wizard was more competent than the great Gandalf...looks can be deceiving.' I glanced back at the pair. He seemed sane enough at the moment. What would I prefer? A mad competent wizard or a cryptic semi-competent one? I rested against a tree and shook my head. I wasn't being fair to Gandalf the vandalizing delinquent. But you know what they say first impressions are important and Gandalf had made a very poor one.
I slid down the tree and closed my eyes relishing the feeling of the sun on my skin. My mind was soon covered in a blanket as I began to doze off.
A spine chilling howl jerked me from my sleep. My hand automatically reached for my gun as I sprung to my feet. I spun slowly trying to find out which way the sound had come from. My breathing slowed as I strained my ears. My attention was yanked back to the group by a stuttered question from Bilbo.
"Was that a wolf?" He had a white-knuckled grip on his new blade. I made my way closer to him making a 360 turn, eyes scanning the area. "Are there wolves out there?" He glanced at me as I got closer.
"Wolves?" Bofur clutched his weapon closer and answered Bilbo nervously. "No, that is not a wolf." He, as well as everyone else, was also on the lookout for the creature that was apparently not a wolf.
And he was right. Someone cried out in surprise and the group whirled around.
Something much uglier than a wolf appeared at the top of a hill. Its huge fangs on display as it stalked closer. In two bounds it leaped for Dori and shouts of alarm went up. I haven't even moved a step before Thorin and Nori cut it down.
"Kili! Get your bow!" Was bellowed almost as soon as another huge canine head appeared from the foliage behind Thorin. Kili was quick on the draw and the beast fell, rolling down the hill and hitting its head on a tree. It was still moving. Dwalin came crashing down, hitting the creature as one would a whack-a-mole, as Thorin plunges his sword in guaranteeing the beast's death.
The group had huddled together and I released my grip on Bilbo's arm.
"Warg scouts," Thorin announces after pulling his blade free. "Which means an Orc pack is not far behind."
"Orc pack?" Bilbo stutters in eyes wide in terror. My throat constricted and my stomach tried to force its way up. My cursed mind brought up everything I knew about Orcs. It wasn't a lot. I had read about them in a history book Bilbo had. But just by looking at the dread and fear on the faces of the company told me that we were screwed. Gandalf began advancing on Thorin his face thunderous.
"Who did you tell about your quest beyond your kin?"
"No one."
"Who did you tell?" Gandalf bellowed and everyone watched with bated breath.
"No one, I swear," Thorin replied seriously. I'd believe that, seriously, the man doesn't even want Bilbo and I here when we volunteered to help out. "What in Durin's name is going on?"
"You are being hunted," Gandalf announced gravely.
"We have to get out of here." Dwalins eyes darted around the clearing.
"We can't," Ori calls down from the top of a hill with Bifur close behind. "We have no bolted."
"I'll draw them off." Radagast straightens. Everyone turns to him and all hope I had that he wasn't as crazy as he looked, threw themselves out a window.
"These are Gundabad Wargs." Gandalf didn't move but his tone said he wanted to be shaking Radagast by the shoulders, telling him it was a bad idea. "They will outrun you."
"These are Rhosgobel rabbits," Ratagast shoots back full of confidence, a crazy grin spreading over his face. "I'd like to see them try."
I let go of Bilbo as the madman took off on a sleigh pulled by giant rabbits. The howls of the wargs rise in volume before a gleeful laugh cuts through them. The howls fade a little.
"We must move," Gandalf ushers us a way down before we enter the plain. He pauses to peek out from behind a boulder. The joyful laughter and blood-chilling howls carrying across the rocky plains. My heart was pounding in my chest but my breathing was shallow. Making as little noise as I possibly could while keeping up with everybody.
We ran from boulder to boulder, this way and that, as Ratagast kept leading them around in circles. My breathing was heavier now. More than once I had to grab Bilbo's hand to pull him along his shorter legs not moving fast enough. Hobbits are not marathon runners.
Gandalf noticed first. He softly, but sharply, called for us to stop. taking cover behind the nearest boulder. Most of it is too small for me to stand thankfully not all of it. I smashed up behind the taller section with Gandalf.
"Ori, no!" Thorin whispered, yanking said dwarf behind cover, holding the scruff of his tunic. Not two seconds later Radagast and the warg pack came racing through the field that we would have been in. We watch with bated breath as they run past.
There is sniffing and the sound of heavy paws on crumbling rock above us. My body freezes. My breathing is almost nonexistent. Everyone else is quieting their breathing but it sounds too loud to my ears. Thorin and Kili share a look before Kili slowly draws an arrow. Softly releasing a breath he stepped out and fired quickly.
The warg and its orc rider both hit the ground.
Alive.
I can't help but stare at the imminent danger a few feet from me. It was so different from any other dangerous creature in my life, that for a minute my brain stalled. The warg was the same wolf/big cat amalgamate from the forest but the orc was something different. It was dirty and didn't look at all like what I had pictured. Hours of Skyrim and World of Warcraft created an expectation of green skin and tusks but this wasn't that. It was pale white with scars and deformities. It's pointed ears where the only thing I got kind of right in my head. The thing-orc dressed in a leather loincloth looks up with it-his cold eyes and glares. The warg begins to call out, Gloin and Dwalin bring their weapons down upon the creature. The orc follows its mount's example, the sound of it's/his fighting, paired with the wargs cries of pain drew the remaining groups attention.
"MOVE! RUN!" Gandalf bellows and races off and we all take off after him. It's an awful feeling, being hunted. One I had hoped to never feel again. The demented whoops of joy and victorious howls gave them away to their prey. I would have thought it stupid of them if there was some way for us to escape. There were just plains and rocks for miles and with the wargs they could sniff us out if we tried to hide.
The howls and pounding feel slowly get closer.
"There they are!" Gloin booms, pointing at the Oncoming Death. I skidded to a stop only to see them forming almost a u shape in the distance.
"This way!" Gandalf gestures with his staff in a seemingly random direction.
"At times like this," Panting I continued. "I like to take inspiration from influential Models." I remember Dori and started singing under my breath." Just keep running. Just keep running. Just keep running, running, running" Razena sprints alongside Bilbo making sure he keeps up.
Thorin who's at the front of the group stops. A few seconds later I see why two wargs and their riders appear over one of the hills in front of us.
"There's more coming!" Kili yells but when I turn to look at him he's not looking at the same direction as Thorin. Dread curls in my stomach.
I spin and in the distance, in every direction, there is a tiny figure of a warg.
"This is not how I wanted to die!" I shouted and kept Bilbo close.
"Kili!" Thorin bellows from across the plains. "Shoot them!"
Shoot them! I reached down and unholstered my gun. They were not getting close enough for me to find out if any of Dwalins training stuck.
"We're surrounded!" Fili shouted, raising his sword. Kili was picking them off judging from the thwip of a bowstring. We started to gather in a circle as our hunters tightened their perimeter.
"Where's Gandalf!" I heard Bofur shout and at that moment I looked around for the Wizard not seeing him. I turned back to the closing warg pack and held my gun up to shoot a goblin.
"He's abandoned us!" Dwalin announced
"And go where Dwalin?! Because I'd like to follow him!" I shout back and notice the warg Ori shot was particularly angry after a rock hit him/her. I took aim and fired. The brain of the warg splattered onto its rider as it fell backward. The weight of the warg pinned the orc. The bang caused a few of the wargs to visibly jump and even some of the orcs. Ori looked startled and glanced at his slingshot confused. I then saw Fili shuffle over to the confused dwarf and slapped his head, jerking a thumb towards me.
The wargs hesitated but still moved towards us. Kili shot another Orc and I took aim at the closest warg.
"Hold your ground!"
"This way you fools!" At the previously missing wizard's voice, I quickly look over my shoulder. He's standing there behind a rock staff held in the same hand he was using to gesture us to the group of rocks. I gesture to Bilbo with my head before turning back around to cover their retreat. I shoot two more wargs before Thorin calls for Kili and I.
Kili looks back and I give him a nod. He turns to run and I start to back towards the rocks. I see the wargs ahead of us start to charge us. Before turning to follow Kili, I shot the closest wargs in the head causing them to fall limp and dead. Job done, I bolt towards the rock. Keeping an eye out for unnervingly close wargs or orcs, I spot one drawing back a bow aimed at Thorin and quickly take aim and shoot it in the head. I jumped for Thorin as the arrow was released and started its ark for our main dwarf.
I hit him. My weight was enough to unbalance him from where he had been standing on the edge of the rock.
The seconds it took us to hit the floor brought back memories of rolling down grassy hills as a kid and losing control of your descent. Except this was with another person and way more painful. Limbs got smashed by others and my face was pressed into the rocky ground and dragged at one point. I was grateful that when the awful ride finally stopped only his legs landed on me. He was immediately helped up. I waved off the help just wanting to lay there on my back for a minute. I, of course, did not get my wish. A horn sounded in the distance. Everybody tensed and the sound of a fight echoed into our sanctuary.
With a dying screech, an orc tumbled down into the cave. I rolled to the side when everybody jumped back. The body landed where I had just been. I was halfway to standing when I realized that he was dead. I flopped down onto my stomach and rested my sweaty forehead on the cool floor. My cheek stung and everywhere ached with the sign of forming bruises. I was not going to have a good time tomorrow morning.
"I did not...think that through," I laughed a little bit. It wasn't my first time coming down off my adrenaline high but I had thought that I had had enough near-death experiences to where I wouldn't be so shaken up after. I was wrong. I just wanted to lie here and cry but I knew we had to move. I also really didn't want to cry in front of the entire party.
Bilbo kneels down and puts a hand on my back. "Are you alright?"
"Bilbo, can we get a dog?" I tried to hide behind humor. "Where can I get me one of those fluffy puppies? I want one," I looked up at him from the corner of a watery eye. "I really need animal support right now."
Editors summary
The editors crack summary
*Warning: cursing*
To summarise we sprinted around and nearly got ran over a bunch of times. It was a bitch. We try to kill shit and fail hard. Gandalf poofs and we get fucking surrounded. Then we see him and then we all book after him. Surprise! We get surrounded in a few seconds. Gandalf showed up from a hole like a gopher and was like "over here you good for nothing mini men trains." We jumped in and Crushed Razena under hot prince ass.
