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Chapter three: home sweet home

Sirius Black was sitting in his new home, in front of the fireplace. He still couldn't believe it. Three months ago, he was still a pitiful, dirty-looking dog running after a rat somewhere in Bulgaria, and now…

Now, after two months and a half of uninterrupted trial, interrogation and custody, he was free. Free, and wealthy, because of the ten thousand Galleons the Ministry gave him along with an official apology.

He was free. Rehabilitated. He still couldn't believe it.

He had bought himself a house, a little cottage near Hogsmeade. He already had a job, the Headmaster of Hogwarts himself having proposed him the DADA teacher post for next year. Now, if only he could find Harry…

It made him sick to think of what Vernon Dursley had done to his Godson. In fact, if he could get his hands in the pig, he thought he might actually be capable of murder…

And he would do it the minute Albus Dumbledore would declare Harry dead. But for now, he would wait… the old Headmaster thought Harry was alive, and that was all he needed to allow himself to hope too. One day, Harry would join him home. And until this day, he just had to make as sweet a home as he could…

The flames briskly became green and Sirius immediately grabbed his new-acquired wand, just to relax when he saw who had arrived. He allowed himself to smile, something that seldom happened these days.

"Moony!"

"Hey Padfoot! How are you?" Remus asked his old friend, smiling too. Sirius looked much better than the last time he saw him… He shuddered at the thought. So emaciated, dirty and shaking…

But now, everything was all right. Sirius had been rehabilitated, given a lot of money from what he heard, and even if he was still entirely too thin in Remus' opinion, he didn't look like he was starving anymore. More than that, he was clean, shaved, and he had a new haircut. All in all, he didn't look like a raving maniac anymore.

He couldn't resist at the urge to hold his friend. The wolf's instincts, he knew. The full moon was just a fortnight away. He didn't care. For now, he just wanted to make sure his friend was okay, and if the wolf needed something more than just a sight's reassurance, then so be it. He needed to hold him, to realise that he wasn't dreaming and that yes, Sirius was innocent, as he always had known, deep inside, and that yes, he was here with him.

So he held his friend tight, but quickly released him when he realised that the hug wasn't shared. It hurt him, or at least until he saw the other's face. Sirius didn't look like he was disgusted to be hug by a werewolf, or embarrassed, but rather sad instead.

Remus had to fight an urge to ask him if he really had been in love with him at seventeen, but he knew that was stupid. After all, it wasn't as if Sirius could have lied, not under Veritaserum… And he was way too scared to ask if he still felt something for him.

Okay, small talk then, he decided.

"So, how are you doing? New home, new life, and even new job I heard? Got a place for an old friend in all that?"

"Maybe… And yeah, Dumbledore actually offered me to teach! Can you believe it? The actual owner of the detention's maximal number's record now have the power to hand them himself…"

"Yeah, that's rather strange. If anyone had told me years ago that you would become a teacher, I'd probably not have believed them…"

"That's because you thought I was a murderer, then."

"Right."

"You really did think that, didn't you?"

"Unfortunately. And you'll probably never know how sorry I am for that. But Sirius, what else could I think? There were a lot of bystanders, that day, who claimed to see you kill these muggles, and P-Peter… And I thought that James would have told me if he intended to change the plan… Why didn't he? Ever since I've known you switched, I've wondered. Did he suspect me of being the spy? Did you?"

The hurt look on Remus' face was too much to take for Sirius. Remus was usually so collected, hiding all emotions… To hear that despair in his voice, begging him to reassure him, to tell him that of course he trusted him and always had… That he had never judge him untrustworthy just because he was a werewolf…

But Sirius had. He remembered, eight years ago, when Harry was just a toddler, when James and Lily were forced to go into hiding... How they knew there was a spy within the Marauders because too many times Death Eaters appeared at the secret location where the Potters were momentarily hiding. Sirius knew he wasn't the spy, and James was the target, so it only left Peter and Remus… Sirius trusted Remus with his life and always had, but suspecting Peter seemed so ridiculous. Still, he wasn't about to favour him above Remus, but James talked him into it. Prongs, of course, knew of his 'affection' for the werewolf, and said it affected his opinion… And finally, Sirius had let himself be convinced. Of course, when it came to Remus, he was blind. So James and Peter had to be right, Remus had to be the spy. He was a werewolf, after all. A beast. Untrustworthy…

How could he admit that to Remus, though? And what good would it do? None. He realised it didn't matter what really happened years ago. What mattered was that there was only thing that wouldn't hurt Moony. After all, what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him…

So he finally answered:

"Of course neither James nor I ever suspected you were a spy, Moony! But remember what it was like… We just couldn't risk it. I'm not saying we didn't trust you, 'cos we did, but what was the point of putting you into danger by giving you too much information? We never thought Peter would betray James and Lily to Voldemort! Now, if there had just been James and I, we would have told you, but we let Peter talk us out of it. In fact, the only mistake we ever made was to trust this rat."

Sirius felt a little bad to lie to his friend, but they would never manage to be friends again if Remus knew he had doubted him. Just like Sirius needed to know if Remus had really believed him capable of betraying James…

"But what about you? I can't believe you never once came to see me in Azkaban. If only you had, I could have told you the truth, if you had listened to me… you could have told someone that Peter was an Animagus, maybe even looked for him… Proved my innocence…"

"And who would have listened to a werewolf? Especially one that was a close friend of you?"

"Okay, maybe nobody would have listened. But you would have known. Moony, don't you understand? It doesn't matter to me if the whole bloody world believes I'm guilty, as long as you know I'm not!"

Oops. I said too much. Now he'll ask about what I admitted under Veritaserum the other day, since I've just proven more or less that I still feels the same. Bravo, Sirius. Time to change the subject.

"Well, I don't know what you were thinking, but okay, you didn't know half the facts, and that's partly my fault, so I guess you're even…"

"Look Padfoot, if I had thought about it long enough, I'd probably concluded that it couldn't be you, but the truth is, I just wanted to forget… To my point of view, I had just lost three friends because of the betrayal of another, and I just wanted to forget it all… But really, deep inside I never really-"

"Is this the moment when you swear you never thought it was me? Because if it is, I'd prefer you left right now."

He knew he was being a bloody hypocrite right now, but he didn't care. Sure, he had believed Remus was the spy, and told Moony otherwise not five minutes ago, but he couldn't bear to hear the same from him. Plus, he was embarrassed about what he had said earlier, and right now he just wanted to be alone. Unfortunately, Remus wasn't ready to leave.

"Oh no, you won't get rid of me so easily. Look, I made a giant mistake in thinking you were guilty, I should have known you would never ever betray James… But it's too late, now. Do you want to spend the rest of your life alone because you can't find it in yourself to forgive me? If you do, fine, I'll leave right now. But really, I've spent almost eight years mourning for my three best friends and I think we lost enough time, don't you?"

Saying that, Remus gripped Sirius' shoulders, eyes locked in his eyes, begging him to understand, to accept…

We lost enough time… Yes, that was also Sirius' thoughts. Since he had met the werewolf he had been fascinated by him, and in his fifth year he had understood that he loved him. Of course he had tried to deny it by going out with half the female population of Hogwarts, but finally he had accepted it. He had never told him, never, and as he rotted in Azkaban that was one of the many regrets he had had. If anything, Azkaban had taught him that life was too short to throw away the chance of being happy momentarily. He had never tried to tell Remus how he felt, by fear of being rejected.

But now Remus knew, didn't he? He had heard him admit it under Veritaserum, and he didn't seem to be disgusted by him. On the contrary, he had hugged him earlier… you didn't hug the people you knew loved you, did you? Except if you loved them too…

He had to know or he would regret it. That was the moment… Remus was so close, his hands on his shoulders, his eyes onto his, his breath caressing his face…

Slowly, Sirius raised one of his hands to Remus' cheek, lightly caressing the soft skin, and smiled, murmuring:

"Yes, we lost enough time."

When Remus smiled too, he approached his face to his and lightly kissed his friend's willing lips…