AN: Nope, still don't own Teen Titans… yes, I know, let's cry together.
Chapter 10: A Mistake?
Another month passed and nothing had changed. Raven had yet to find an apartment and so she was still staying with Robin and Starfire. Starfire had attempted to talk to Raven multiple times, but Raven refused. And Robin and Cyborg tried to do the same with Beast Boy. But they all felt like they weren't making any progress with either one of them. So they decided to just give up on the whole thing. Or at least leave it alone for a little while.
Raven and Starfire were home alone once more and this time Starfire had roped Raven into helping her plan her baby shower. True, it wasn't going to be for another four months, but Starfire needed a list of things she hoped to get as gifts so she wouldn't have to go out and buy them herself. The two were sitting on Starfire's bed looking through a few baby and parenting magazines.
"Raven, please write down that I shall need one of these," said Starfire, pointing in one of the magazines. Raven was acting as her official scribe.
"A changing table?" said Raven.
"Yes, I shall need one of those," said Starfire. "Oh, and one of these."
Raven quickly jotted down the various items and wrote whom she thought would be able to get them for Starfire. "Do you know what you're having yet?" asked Raven.
"No," said Starfire. "But I shall find out the next time I go to the hospital. And look! I am starting to show." Starfire lifted her shirt and showed Raven the slight bulge that was developing in her stomach. "Is it not wonderful?"
"Wow, I can't believe it," said Raven, genuinely surprised. "A few weeks ago you didn't really look all that different. Now you actually look… pregnant."
"I know!" said Starfire gleefully. "Is it not amazing?"
Raven gave a small smile then grew quiet for a moment. "Kori?" she asked at last.
"Yes?" asked Starfire.
"What's it like?" asked Raven.
"What is what like?" asked Starfire, growing confused.
"Being pregnant?" asked Raven.
"Oh, it is most extraordinary," said Starfire with a smile. "Just knowing that I have a baby within me is a wonderful feeling. And watching my body change for the little bumgorf makes me realize why they say pregnancy is a, what is the word? Oh yes, a miracle."
"But," started Raven. "But aren't you… scared?"
"Why would I be scared?" asked Starfire.
"Well, you know, aren't you scared about giving birth?" asked Raven. "Or about how you'll raise it? Aren't you nervous that they'll grow up and, I don't know, hate you or something?"
Starfire thought for a moment. "I suppose I am a little afraid," said Starfire. "But I do not believe I shall care about the pain once I hold my baby in my arms. And as long as I am a good mother I do not think my child shall have a reason to hate me."
"But how do you know you'll be a good mother?" asked Raven. "I mean, have you known all your life that motherhood would come easily to you?"
"Motherhood does not come easily for anyone, Raven," said Starfire. "Before I became pregnant with my bumgorf, I was quite interested in babies, but at the same time I was nervous. I knew that taking care of a baby would be different from taking care of Silkie, so I was not sure I would know what to do, since I did not know how to take care of Silkie when I was first entrusted to take care of him. But, once I became pregnant, I knew that I would be able to be a mother."
"Really?" asked Raven. "Just like that?"
"Well, perhaps it was not until the second month of my pregnancy, but in a way yes," said Starfire.
Raven thought about all of this and grew quiet again. Starfire could see that she was deep in thought, but she wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not.
"Raven, would you like to see the baby clothing I have already bought?" asked Starfire. "I am quite curious to see if you approve or not."
"Sure," said Raven.
Starfire smiled and went to her closet. She quickly rummaged through it and found the bags she wanted. She sat back down next to Raven and emptied the bag out onto the bed. Little, soft outfits of yellow and white covered the magazines the two had been looking through.
"Are they not adorable?" asked Starfire.
Raven gave her a small smile and picked up one of the outfits. It was the tiniest pare of jumpers she had ever seen. They were yellow and had a little duck on the pocket. They were extremely soft and Raven held them up in front of her.
"I was told that that could be worn by both a girl and a boy bumgorf," said Starfire. "Do you believe they look cute?"
"I think… these are precious," said Raven, a smile growing on her face. "They're so small."
"Then you like them?" asked Starfire. Raven nodded and put them down. "Please, what do you think of these?" Starfire held up a pair of white socks that were so small Raven thought they would only fit her thumb.
"I can't believe how tiny they are," said Raven, still smiling. "Are baby's feet really this small?"
Starfire giggled and said, "Yes, they are."
"I can't believe it," said Raven. "I mean, I knew babies were small but I didn't know they were this small. It really opens your eyes."
"Opens your eyes?" asked Starfire.
"Sorry, it's an expression," said Raven. "And everything is so soft. It's hard to believe they'll be worn by your baby soon."
Starfire showed Raven every little article of clothing she had. She couldn't believe that Raven actually wanted to see it all. After all of that talk about wanting nothing to do with children, she sure was getting excited over little socks and outfits.
Ravens mind was racing with different thoughts. She pictured Starfire's baby wearing all of these little outfits. Its little feet in the little socks. Starfire had everything from one pieces to little farmer jeans with seashells on them for when they went to the beach. Of course everything was unisex, so it wouldn't matter if Starfire had a boy or a girl. But, no matter what, it was all adorable.
Later that day Raven went to her room with the newspaper to try looking for an apartment again. But, for some odd reason, she couldn't get the thought of babies out of her head. She felt queer about that whole thing. It was almost as if she had felt something within her change or click. Either way, she was feeling a little bit sick about it.
Robin, along with Cyborg, had headed over to Beast Boy's for the evening. And this time they really were going to just hang out and have some guy time. Currently, they were down in the basement playing video games. At the moment it was Robin and Beast Boy battling it out while Cyborg was getting himself a drink from the wet bar.
"Oh, you're so going down!" said Robin with an evil smile as his thumbs worked as fast as lightning against the controller.
"Not this time," beast Boy responded and worked even faster.
"Man, you sure got a nice set up down here," said Cyborg, taking a sip of his drink.
"I know," said Beast Boy with a smile, his eyes never leaving the screen. "Raven did it for my birthday."
"She did all of this?" asked Cyborg, shocked, as he looked around the room more thoroughly.
"Yeah, I couldn't believe it," said Beast Boy. "She gave me the best birthday of my life."
"She musta spent over a thousand dollars," said Cyborg. "This is all top of the line stuff."
"I know," said Beast Boy. "And she used her own money, too. I think that might have been why she first got that job at the Y."
"Well, it would've been odd if she had used your inheritance money to pay for your birthday gift," said Robin.
"That's true," laughed Beast Boy. He stopped laughing and let out a soft sigh. This did not go unnoticed by Cyborg and Robin.
"You okay, man?" asked Cyborg.
"Huh? Oh yeah, I'm fine," said Beast Boy with a fake smile.
"You don't sound fine," said Robin. "Is something bothering you?"
"No," said Beast Boy, shaking his head.
"Come on, man, ya can't hide anythin from us," said Cyborg.
"Well…" started Beast Boy. "No, you guys will just yell at me or something."
"Gar, just tell us," said Robin.
"Yeah, man, we won't yell at ya," said Cyborg.
"Fine," sighed Beast Boy. "I kinda… miss her."
"Raven?" asked Robin.
"Yeah," said Beast Boy. "It's been two months since I've even seen her and I can't get her out of my mind. Is that wrong?"
"Well that's because you still care about her," said Cyborg.
"Maybe you should try talking to her now," said Robin.
"How can I?" asked Beast Boy. "After two months… I don't think I can." Beast Boy gave up on the videogame and threw his controller down. "She probably doesn't want me back anyway. After all I've done to her."
"Gar, I'm sure if ya just went to her and tried to talk things out she'll listen," said Cyborg.
"And I know for a fact that she still loves you," said Robin. "Whether she'll forgive you or not is another thing entirely."
"Oh God, what have I done?" he asked, putting his face in his hands. "I've ruined everything." It was finally hitting him, all at once. "She was the best thing that ever happened to me and I treated her like she meant nothing to me! What am I gonna do? I just want her back, now. I miss her so much."
"Glad to see you finally comin to your senses," said Cyborg.
"I know!" shouted Beast Boy. "I made a mistake. It's been two months and I can't take it anymore! Every moment she's not here at home with me I'm miserable."
"But what about that whole thing where you were never so happy?" asked Robin.
"I lied!" yelled Beast Boy. "Of course I'm not happy. I've been in denial and I can't take it anymore. I miss watching her read on the back porch. I miss hearing her teakettle whistling. I miss watching her meditate. I miss seeing her in my arms every morning. She means everything to me. I don't even want children anymore, I just want her! I just want her!"
He could feel angry, desperate tears fall from his eyes. He couldn't take it anymore. No one had ever shown him the kind of love that Raven showed him, and no one would ever love him as much again. He knew that. He knew that she was his one and only. Every moment she was away from him he felt like he was dying. Yes, he wanted children. But he only wanted them with her, no other woman. And if she didn't want children than he accepted that. He just wanted her, for now and forever.
"Then maybe you should go tell her that," said Robin.
