"So you said you want to go to St. Louis?" Luke asked as he reached into the bag next to him to pull out some maps. They had left the hotel in the morning and drove across the street to a small diner they had noticed the night before.
"Yeah, it always sounded like a nice place to go. You watch the movies and all you can think is Judy Garland going 'clang, clang, clang, goes the train'," she half-sang, half-joked. He nodded, opening the maps in front of him. "What's that?"
He furrowed his eyebrows, glancing up at her. "Maps. Don't tell me you've never seen a map."
"On the wall of the classroom in elementary school, yes. But Rory and I are anti-maps."
"Well I'm not going to guide myself by the yellow brick road."
"Could be fun." He glanced up to find her grinning at him and he knew she was just playing with him.
She adjusted herself in her chair, tucking her leg underneath her, so that she could lean over the maps as well. "So Don Quioxte, those maps tell you in exactly what direction we should go so that I can tan on the way to St. Louis."
"Only if you're planning on tanning from the driver's seat." She raised her eyebrows, a smile slowly spreading over her face.
"You're going to let me drive? Mr. Super-Possessive About His Old Green Truck, is going to let me drive? I think my heart just stopped." Luke rolled his eyes. With a sigh, he folded up the maps.
"Yes, you're going to drive so I that I can chose the music. If I have to listen to one more hippy, flowery, disco song, I'm going to go nuts."
"What makes you think that just because I'm driving, I won't be choosing the music?"
Luke ignored her comment as he finished putting the maps away. He then opened the menu, annoying Lorelai as he blatantly ignored her as he read through it very carefully. She huffed and sighed, clearly getting frustrated with their lack of conversation. Finally she grabbed the menu out from in front of him.
"Hey!" he exclaimed.
"I brought you for company, now talk to me."
He stared at her like she was crazy. "Are you eight years old?" She grinned.
"When I feel like it."
He sighed taking the menu back from her and adjusting himself in his chair. Folding the menu next to him, he folded his hands in front of him and looked at her, a compliant expression on his face. "Okay, what would you like to talk about?" She shrugged, not really knowing how or what to answer.
In the silence of the moment, she began to wonder why she had brought him along. Really, she knew that she hadn't actually asked him at all, that he had agreed to come before she had actually realized that in a way she had asked him. But still, she could have said no, she could have said she'd prefer to go alone (okay, not an option) or with someone else or not go at all. She had choices. So why Luke? She wasn't sure at this point, but she was pretty positive that after a month alone together, she would have her answer.
"You talked to Rory last night after we got back?" he asked, after noticing her eyes glaze.
"Yup. She's going blond and learning to surf like a real California girl," Lorelai joked, but Luke could tell she hadn't put the same enthusiasm behind it as her usual jokes.
She looked up to find his eyes boring into her and was forced to look away, flustered. Something about his look made her wonder if he was reading her mind. How did he know her that well? He served her coffee, she let out a stream of jokes. When in their time together had he ever really gotten to know more about her than her patterns of caffeination and sarcasm?
With a sigh, she laid her hand on the table, the tips of her fingers tracing indistinct patterns on the Formica. "I miss her," Lorelai finally admitted softly.
Luke almost feels his heart stop with her confession. Had Lorelai Gilmore just let him into her mind just a bit? At the same time, he wondered why this made him feel so special, it wasn't like she had told him she loved him. But he was sure that Lorelai didn't often let people see past the shield she put up.
"She'll be back soon," he assured her, but she didn't look up at him or pause her movements. He quickly reached out and laid his hand over hers, his heart skipping a beat at the warm sensation of touching Lorelai's hand for the first time and the realization that she was allowing him to do it. "Hey." She slowly looked up to match his gaze. "It's all right to miss her. But don't let that keep you from enjoying yourself."
He watched as a smile slowly spread across her face and she looked at him in a way that made him feel like he had just saved her precious cat from a tree. Even though he really felt that he hadn't done much, it didn't matter, because Lorelai was giving him that look and deep within him, he knew that was enough to last a lifetime.
The waitress, who looked like something out of the fifties, walked over to their table. "What do ya want?" she asked, seeming less than interested in actually getting them what they wanted.
"Pancakes, side of bacon," Lorelai requested, not losing an inch of smile on her face. "Oh and coffee, lots of it." Luke rolled his eyes at this, even though he had known it was coming.
"Just a half a grapefruit for me." Lorelai smirked as the waitress walked away. Luke shook his head in amazement. "I'll never know how you can eat like that and look like that," he said with a wave in her direction.
"How can you eat like that and look like that?" He glanced down at himself, confused.
"Are you calling me fat?"
"No, I…" She blushed, suddenly realizing how her question had come off. "I mean, you look all… buff or… I don't really know what you've got under that flannel… but I…" She rolled her eyes, watching him start to grin in response to her stammering, feeling herself blush even more.
True, she had often wondered what body he kept under that flannel. With his eating habits, she was sure it was a nice body, but who could tell? All she knew was, if she looked back at him now and he saw the flush to her face and the grin she couldn't keep off of it, he'd know again what she was really thinking, but this time without ever having to read her mind.
"So you weren't lying when you said you knew how to drive a stick," Luke commented as they drove along that afternoon.
"Dirty!" She grinned hearing Luke's sigh to her right.
"So I think we should graduate," he said. She glanced over at him to see if he was motioning to indicate as to what he was getting at but he made no movements.
"From…? Hey, did I tell you I was thinking about taking some business courses at that school up in Hartford?"
"Really?"
"Yeah, you know, Sookie and I still want to open our own inn someday and I thought it would be helpful, you know, so I could manage the business end of the whole shebang."
He nodded like he was really mulling the idea of Lorelai and Sookie opening their own inn over in his mind. For a moment, she wondered what he was thinking, that maybe he thought she couldn't do it, she couldn't focus enough to be able to get it all together. But then he looked over at her and gave her a smile, one of those that he kept for certain moments, that made her feel like Midas had just touched her with his golden finger. He added a nod, letting her know without having to say it exactly what he thought of her plan.
"I meant, I think we should switch license plate games. We should do Rory's version," he suggested.
"You think you're ready for that? I mean, I'm no Harvard-bound fourteen year old."
"She's really going to go there?"
"No doubt in my mind," Lorelai replied without a moment's hesitation. She could only imagine what her parents would say the moment she and Rory announced it was official.
But Luke just went on as if her word were the gospel, turning on the music with a flick of his fingers. "You got anything better than this?" he asked as the Eagles began Hotel California. Lorelai shook her head and grinned, wanting to listen to the lyrics of the song she knew so well. For all the times she had heard the song, she had never really taken the time to figure out what they were trying to get at with saying. And she said we are all just prisoners here of our own device. A person who needed an escape went to Hotel California, an escape from the life they lead, but they'll never be able to leave. She knew full well that this trip was just an escape from a life she never wanted to attempt, a life without Rory. What would it even be like? She couldn't imagine it.
Hearing Luke shuffle agitatedly in his seat, she glanced over at him, allowing her eyes travel over him in the few moments before they had to return to the road in front of her. Suddenly she knew, a life without Rory would still have Luke, and for some reason, she wasn't so worried about losing Rory anymore.
"Little Rock," Luke grunted. She glanced up to see a car with the license plate from Arkansas passing her and smiled to herself. Okay Luke Danes, two can play this game, she thought to herself.
"Baton Rouge."
It was early the next evening before Luke drove them into St. Louis. They had passed quite a few fruit stands along the road before Lorelai couldn't hold it in anymore and begged Luke to let her stop and check out the fruit. Possibly the idea that Lorelai was, for once, asking to eat something healthy, made him quickly give into her request. So they stopped at two of them and browsed and tried a few pieces of melon before picking out some of the best smelling peaches Luke could ever have imagined. He considered for a moment possibly writing down where this stand was so that he could get some another time for his homemade peach pie that his sister loved. Then again, he couldn't remember Lorelai ever eating the peach pie and that must mean something, so he quickly gave up that idea and bought some blueberries instead.
Luke watched Lorelai's expression as he pulled into the parking space by the St. Louis arch. It was almost better than looking at the structure itself. Her eyes were as blue as the feathers of a jaybird, glittering, not mischievously as they often were, but delightedly. Her mouth was open, her pink lips parted in awe. Her whole face was lit up as if something amazing was happening in front of her, but nothing was. All that was in front of them was the tall silver arch, gleaming out of the bluish-purplish-pinkish sky of nightfall.
Slowly Lorelai grabbed the handle on the door and exited the truck, not for a moment taking her eyes off of the arch. Luke followed suit, walking to stand in front of the truck to wait for her to walk over. "This is just…wow," Lorelai said huskily in that voice that took Luke's breath away completely, it was so sexy. He wanted just to whisk her away, show her all the beautiful things everywhere in the world just to get her to say those words like that again.
"I never knew that a tall steel arch could be that amazing," Luke said with obvious sarcasm.
"That's because you're not seeing what I'm seeing. Come over here," she said, holding out her hand to him, making his heart drop. Timidly he walked over to her, letting her wrap her hand around his elbow. He stared at her hand touching his red flannel as she returned her eyes to the arch. "Do you see it?"
"Yes, I see it," he uttered breathlessly, his eyes still focused on her hand. Then realizing what she meant, he glanced up at the arch. Sure, it was tall and silver but somehow, standing there with Lorelai's hand around his elbow, truly made it seem like a different structure altogether. It was magnificent and majestic. He wondered if Paris had gotten the nickname The City of Love by people who stared up at the Eiffel Tower with its dark, metal majesty rising out of the sky. Because all he knew right now, right at this moment, he was falling in love, with the arch, with the city, but most of all, with Lorelai Gilmore.
"You want to go up?" she asked and he glanced over at her.
"You can do that?" She smirked.
"Yeah, you big dope, we can do that." He nodded, his throat too dry at this point to actually respond. She let go of his arm and motioned for her to follow him.
The instant her hand left his elbow all his senses came back to him. He watched her walk away for a moment before actually following. It was true, he had known from almost the moment he met Lorelai that he had feelings for her. She was beautiful, but it was more than that. She was the light of day even late into the night. She could light up a whole dark room with just her voice and her smile and the joy she brought along with it. He knew that the past few days when he had comforted her in her glum moments, he was mostly doing it so to bring back that part of her. Only now, at this moment, just after witnessing her giddiness and amazement at the beauty that was the St. Louis arch, did he actually realize it was more than just feelings, he was in love.
"Come on Luke!" she called, not wanting to waste a moment.
They bought the tickets and after a trip on the tram, along with a museum tour through the United States in the 1800s that Luke would rather forget, found themselves looking out from the highest point of the arch. Lorelai stared out the window, watching the night sky envelope the large city. "Rory would have loved this," she said softly. "You think that she would have rather done this with me than what she's doing with Christopher?"
Luke was struck for a moment. Was she really asking him this or was her question rhetorical? "Well I – I don't really know Christopher," he stammered. She rolled her eyes, not moving her gaze from the city before her. "Lorelai, I've known Rory just as long as I've known you, minus a day, and from what I've seen, she'd love to be anywhere with you."
"Yeah, but she's not. She's with Christopher," Lorelai said bitterly, which made Luke wonder what she was really annoyed about.
"Are you angry that she went and left you alone for a month? Or are you angry that Christopher didn't ask you also?" She stepped back away from the window and glanced over at him wide-eyed.
"I don't want to be with Christopher if that's what you're asking."
"Well that was, actually, kind of what I was asking, Lorelai. I mean, he is Rory's father. And I have considered that maybe, even though you didn't want to marry him when you were pregnant with Rory, that maybe now that you're older, you'd like to reconsider."
"I wouldn't!" Lorelai insisted. "Christopher is… he was a lot like me back then, both wanting to get out of the lives we were destined for, tea with the Vanderbilts, summers on the Vineyard, becoming those blue-blooded rich people with their noses pointing to the sky. Life in Stepford. Ug, can you imagine?"
"No."
"He'd have followed me anywhere, like a little lapdog. The moment I kissed him for the first time, I had him wrapped around my finger. But that's not love. And he's still that same guy." She shrugged. "Why do you think I'd want to be with Christopher?"
"Because he's Rory's father," Luke answered simply.
"Luke, when you were sixteen, didn't you do anything that you regret now?"
He shrugged. There was a whole myriad of things, but the moments he chose to run on the track team instead of spending time with his father rang clearest in his mind. But he couldn't tell Lorelai. How could that even compare? Her bad decision of sex without contraception that changed her life forever was so much different, on a much bigger scale.
"I'm sure there's something. What, did you steal candy from the five and dime?" she pressed.
"No, I… Lorelai, I just…" She scoffed.
"Come on Luke, something. Tell me something about your childhood. Anything. Tell me how you used to tie your sister's braids together or put gum on Sissy Steven's chair. Something."
What did she care? How was him telling the horrid details of his past going to comfort her now when she was hurting?
"Lorelai, just forget it," he tried.
"No, Luke! You want me to tell you all this stuff, open up to you about everything, but you're a complete mystery!"
"No I'm not."
"What do I know about you?"
"There's nothing to know!"
"Bullshit! There's nothing you want me to know. I thought we were friends, close friends, maybe… I don't know more, or something, but close friends open up, they tell each other things they wouldn't tell anyone else and this trip together is the perfect opportunity, but you won't. You just want to remain that grumpy, pessimistic diner guy I know you're not!"
"Lorelai…"
"Just… take me to the hotel." Seething, she folded her arms, not taking one more look out the window, not wanting the magical view to be tainted by the anger spewing inside of her. Stalking over to the elevator, she stayed there with her arms crossed, waiting for him. After a moment, he realized that she was serious and walked over to the elevator as well.
The ride down on the tram and the subsequent drive to a nearby hotel was quiet, more silent than any moment Luke could ever have imagined with Lorelai. The silence was deafening, but he couldn't think quickly enough at this point to do anything about it.
"And you just walked away?" Rory asked that night on the phone. Lorelai sighed sadly.
"Kid, you don't get it. I don't want this whole thing to be all about me. This trip was supposed to be fun, we were supposed to learn about each other, not listen to me complain about my life in-between random scenic views of the continental United States."
"Yeah, but did he know that?"
Lorelai frowned. No, she knew she had never told him that specifically but had hoped that he would just figure it out on his own. Didn't he know her at all?
"You know, all lovers quarrel," Rory commented, a note of glee in her voice.
"Rory!" Lorelai exclaimed, still a little shocked at some of the things that came out of her fourteen year old daughter's mouth sometimes. Although she shouldn't be seeing as who Rory's mother was, but still, sometimes these things reminded her that Rory was growing up so fast.
"I'm just saying… couples fight. But if they love each other, they fix things and make up."
"Wait, so all of a sudden I've gone from being a patron and customer to some crazed woman desperately in love?"
"You said it, Eustacia, not I." Lorelai groaned.
"Well, it's not true, Rory, and I think you would know that if-" Lorelai was interrupted by a knock on the door of her room. She glanced the clock and sighed. "Ug, Rory, sorry, hold on a second, apparently this is Chicago in 1871 and the cow is not being good again."
Setting down the phone, Lorelai walked over to the door, knowing who was there before even opening it. She made sure her expression was in 'slightly ticked off' mode before opening it.
"Get your stuff. Get in the car. I'm taking you somewhere," was all Luke said before he marched away. Lorelai stood there, too shocked to move or retort back down the hallway or even to realize that Luke just saw her in her nightgown for the first time.
