A/N: Hola! I'm back, and I'm pretty sure this chapter didn't take as long as the last, so that's improvement, right? I've been thinking about this chapter for quite some time, and even now I'm not too proud of it, it didn't really come out the way I wanted it to. I hope you all like it, however!
Reviewers: Ah! Amazing amazing amazing! Keep them coming, and if everybody who read could review, even if it's just one word, I'd be happy! You don't have to, though.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter
"James was ecstatic."
Harry and Ginny bolted up from their boxes and spun around, eyes wide.
"Remus!" Ginny gasped, clutching her heart. "You startled me."
"Could you not sleep either?" Harry asked.
"No, I couldn't," Remus said, "I actually came up here to take a look around."
"So Lily finally said yes?" Ginny asked happily. "I can't believe it."
"We couldn't either," Remus said, "James was bounding around like a kangaroo the whole night. It was rather unnerving, seeing as he was wearing the infamous leopard print long underwear."
Harry laughed, "It's two in the morning, but I'm wide awake, would you like to watch another?"
"I'm up for it!" Ginny said happily, already resuming her spot on the floor.
"As am I," Remus said, already enlarging the next tape. He looked at Harry seriously as it began to play, "You doing alright?"
"I'm okay, the tapes can't get any more surprising or saddening, right?" He attempted to keep his voice light.
Remus smiled, "I'm proud of you Harry."
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"Unbutton your shirt, James." Sirius demanded.
"Keep it down, Sirius," James pleaded, glancing around the crowded common room nervously.
More than half of the students scattered around the room were staring at James and Sirius with wide, uneasy eyes.
"Prongs." Sirius said impatiently. "You have been chasing Lily for seven years. Tonight's the night where you can't mess things up. It's your first date with her. Now, do you want my help or not?"
James tugged at his collar uneasily and nodded.
"Good." Sirius said, "Now unbutton your shirt."
"Oh for Merlin's sake!" Remus rubbed at his temples, "Stop yelling that!"
After unbuttoning the first button on his white collared shirt, James looked at Sirius expectantly. "Well?"
"Keep going." Sirius tapped his foot on the thick rug.
"That's it." Remus said, standing up and sending his books tumbling to the floor. "Both of you, upstairs."
"You coming, Wormtail?" Sirius called to Peter who was seated across from a third year, sweat dripping down his face.
"No." Peter said firmly, "The game is getting intense."
James rolled his eyes and followed Sirius and Remus up the stairs to their dorm, leaving Peter to play Wizard's Chess. They were halfway up the stairs when they heard a snickering voice.
"Oh James…do take off your shirt." Cackled a fifth year boy.
"Sod off." James said through gritted teeth, continuing to trudge up the stairs.
"I can understand why you'd want to go upstairs though," The boy said, flicking his brown hair out of his eyes, "Sirius will be up there, and I bet if asked nicely, he'll take off his shirt too."
James let out his unmistakable war cry and attempted to lunge down the stairs towards the tall, built boy.
Remus pushed him back up the stairs, "Up…we go…James…" He heaved, his face turning a light shade of pink from having to restrain his friend from plunging down the stairs.
James finally stopped attempting to get pass Remus, and turned around to walk back up the stairs, his fists clenched.
"And I bet," The boy sneered from the bottom of the steps, the whole common room now intently listening, "He'll take off his pants for you, too!"
Sirius and James simultaneously released the screech of their war cries, and leapt down the stairs.
"Oh bugger." Remus sighed, before he was pushed down the stairs by his friends, sending all three of them tumbling to the bottom in a heap.
Sirius and James scrambled to their feet as the fifth year strode away.
"You are far too young to be making sexual jokes like that young man!" James shrieked to his retreating back. "FAR TOO YOUNG."
"You think you're Mr. Tough Guy, don't you?" Sirius yelled menacingly, "Well what about if we owl your mother, huh? Let's see you make sexual references in front of her!"
"Get up the stairs now." Remus yelled, his voice itching with anger. "Up, up, UP!"
Sirius and James obliged, sprinting up the stairs and into the room.
"Now," Remus said as his two friends plopped down on their bed, "Sirius, can you please calmly explain to us why you were asking James to unbutton his shirt?"
"Girls find it sexy." Sirius said matter of factly.
At this James hurriedly unbuttoned three more of his buttons, revealing a bit of his toned chest.
Sirius shook his head, "This isn't good, James."
"What?" James asked nervously, "What isn't good?"
"You, my friend, are missing the key to winning a girls heart."
"What's that!" James cried.
"Chest hair."
Remus burst out laughing, stamping his feet on the floor and clutching his stomach.
"You…don't even…have chest hair…Sirius…" Remus said in between his uproarious laughter.
"Do too." Sirius said proudly, unbuttoning his shirt and whipping it open, "Walah."
"Sirius." Remus said seriously.
"That's one chest hair." James finished, looking at the tiny, black curl.
"More than you have gentlemen." Sirius said cockily, buttoning his shirt back up.
"You're mental." James said, "How am I supposed to sprout chest hair in," He checked his watch, "TEN MINUTES!"
Sirius grinned, "Oh, young Prongs, you have so much to learn." He said, yanking open his trunk and rummaging threw it.
"No." James said quickly, "I am not wearing a dress, or-or slippers, or even make-up. I don't care if it will help sprout chest hair or not."
"Are you suggesting that I would make my friend dress up like a girl?" Sirius said, poking his head out from behind his trunk. He pulled out a tall, black item.
"Is that a marker?" Remus asked, slightly alarmed.
Sirius nodded and strode over to James. "Since I am such a good friend, I am going to create chest hair for you."
"No…" James said, stepping back, "It's okay."
"PRONGS!" He barked, "Do you want Lily to find you irresistible or not?"
"Of course, but…"
"Then just trust me." Sirius interrupted, taking off the cap of the marker and placing it against James' chest. He squinted his eyes in concentration and began drawing small squiggles.
"Make it more realistic." Remus said, snatching the marker from him and making the "hairs" slightly less curly.
"Remus, I know what I'm doing," Sirius growled, taking the marker back and making more hairs.
"Sirius, give it to me! You're going to make him look like he has some sort of skin disease!" Remus cried, grabbing the marker and quickly drawing hairs before Sirius took it back.
"No! He'll look sexy, that's what he'll look like!" Sirius yelled.
"STOP!" James shrieked, moving to stand in front of the mirror. His face changed to sheer terror. "I look like a gorilla." He mumbled in a barely audible voice.
"Er…I guess we got a bit carried away." Sirius smiled sheepishly.
"A bit?" James said angrily, "A BIT! I look like I have fungi sprouting from my chest!"
"You know," Sirius said, "Lily's into Herbology geeks, I bet. Just pretend like you're attempting to grow a plant and BAM! She'll fall in love."
"Not funny, Sirius." James said angrily.
"Well, your date is in about two minutes, at least show her you are punctual!" Remus said, trying to keep his voice light.
James checked his watch and sprinted out the door, charging straight for the Portrait Hole.
"James!" Lily cried. "How are you?"
James spun around, "Er…Lily!"
Her eyes widened, "Um…hi…" She said, staring straight at his chest. "Uh…so…"
James instinctively crossed his arms, "Would you uh…like to get going?"
Lily shook herself slightly, "Sure." She smiled.
James gulped, "Okay. This way…"
"So." Lily said, "Are you…feeling okay?"
James nodded, "Why would you ask that?"
"No reason," Lily said quickly.
'She thinks I have a skin disease.' James thought, his face glowing a deep shade of crimson, 'I can't button up my shirt now or she'll know I'm trying to hide something.' He paused, 'And when this date is over, I've got to remember to…'
"Smack Sirius with my shoe." James said through gritted teeth.
"Excuse me?" Lily asked, turning to look at him.
James closed his eyes, "I said that out loud, didn't I?"
"Yeah." Lily breathed, smiling slightly. "So where are we going?"
"Well," James said, "Since Hogsmeade isn't for a few more weeks, I decided to take you to a special room."
They continued walking in silence, Lily taking quick glances out of the corner of her eyes of James' chest. Finally, they arrived at a portrait of a bowl of fruit.
"The kitchens?" Lily asked, not bothering to hide her lack of excitement.
"You know about this?"
Lily nodded, "I found out about it in fifth year…not that I've ever gone!" She added as James raised her eyebrows. "It's against school rules."
"I doubt any one will mind this time." James said, tickling the pear. The door swung open and he stepped aside to allow her in first.
"Over here," James said, leading her over to a small table in the middle of the room.
There was a candle set in the middle of a brilliant table cloth with nice plate settings.
"Wow." Lily said quietly. "The kitchens were a good idea."
James laughed and sat down. "So…not like I mind or anything but…why did you agree to go out with me?"
"No use beating around the bush," Lily said, trying to keep her voice light.
"May Wallice take your orders?" Beamed a small elf, his eyes glistening in the candle light.
"I'll take a glass of tea and some pasta." Lily smiled gently.
"I'll have water and steak." James watched as the little house elf scurried away.
Almost a minute later they had their drinks. "Your meals be comings soon!" The elf squeaked.
"Thank you," Lily took her tea between her palms and took a large sip. "James…I think you know that you've changed. Maybe you haven't, maybe I'm just looking at your positive qualities other than your pompous, arrogant, stupid, rude-"
"I get it." James said, choking slightly on his cold water.
"Anyways, I don't know James, maybe I've finally fallen for the Great Potter Charm…but I think it's more than that. Really…" She took another sip, "Since you and I have been made Heads, I think I'm finally starting to see the chemistry you've been talking about."
"Wow." James said, "I er…wow."
"Mr. Potter always has a ways with his words." The elf smiled, placing a plate in front of each of them.
"Now it's time for me to ask you a question." Lily said, "How'd you manage to set up all this?"
"Well," James said, "The Marauders and I have been coming down here for quite some time and…well let's just say they've taken a liking towards us." He nodded his head towards the back of the House Elf that was walking away.
"Oh…" Lily suddenly narrowed her eyes as James leaned back in her chair, "I have another question."
"Shoot." He said, taking a large sip of water.
"Why are you wearing fake chest hair?"
James spit out his water all over his steak as he began thumping his chest. "I er…don't know what you're talking about…"
"Oh…" Lily said, "I thought it was…fake. I'm sorry."
James grinned, she was buying it! "Yeah well…" He spoke in his manly voice, "These babies are real." He jammed his thumb towards his chest.
"Well you may not know this about me but…" Lily slowly stood up and walked over to him, "I find chest hair incredibly sexy."
"Really?" James squeaking, "I mean er…really?" He quickly returned to his deep voice.
Lily nodded, "Merlin James…you are such a hunk."
James glanced down, and once he made sure she had no glass slippers attached to her feet, he averted his attention back to her.
"You are pretty hunky yourself…" James growled. "Or I mean…beautiful." He stood up and leaned in towards Lily.
"James…" Lily whispered seductively, "This whole monkey look really works for you."
"What?" James asked, confused.
Lily swiped her finger over his "chest hair," leaving a large smear mark across his chest. "AHA!" She cried triumphantly, pointing to her now dark finger.
"Lily…I can explain." James pleaded.
"Relax." Lily laughed, "It's not like I caught you snogging another girl, I just found you with…drawn on chest hair."
"Somehow, that doesn't seem like much difference. They're both pretty bad." James admitted.
"Why did you draw on chest hair?" She blurted out, "That's kind of creepy."
He sighed, "Sirius said girls would find it sexy. Then again Sirius says girls think Sirius dancing seductively with his single chest hair showing is sexy to, so I really can't take what he says seriously…"
"James." Lily interupted, "I find sweet, caring, loyal, funny guys sexy. Not guys who have a load of chest hair."
"So…" James said, "Do you find me…you know, sexy?"
"No." Lily said, smiling and sitting back down.
"Well…why not?" James asked.
"You don't have enough arm hair." She said seriously.
James gasped and clutched his arm as Lily rolled her eyes. True enough, it was an awkward, chest haired date, but it was their date nonetheless, and for some strange, unknown reason, they wouldn't have had it any other way.
James wandered back up to the dorm room in a daze, humming softly under his breath and skipping spontaneously. He skipped a little too high, however, and when he came back down crashed on the stairs.
He swung open the door to his room and beamed, that was until he heard several hideous screeches. The room seemed to shake, everyone seemed petrified, and James started screaming himself. It stopped a few moments later, and James leaned on to the dresser for support. The room was dark, the rest of the Marauders had obviously been asleep until he had arrived. The only substance that was giving off light was the brightness from the common room, the door still being open.
A toe slowly stepped its way into the ray of light, and James furrowed his brow. Sirius soon appeared, hunched over. He was shielding his eyes and his lips were quivering, "What…" He asked in a strangled whisper, "Has she done to you?"
Remus came out of the darkness as well, shielding his eyes from the brightness of the doorway, his hands shaking.
And finally Peter came into view, squinting into the light. A single tear slipped from his eye and Remus clamped a hand down on his shoulder in support.
"Remus, Sirius…" James said cautiously, "You two drew the chest hair on me."
"Oh!" Remus said as recognition dawned on him.
"Oh yeah…" Sirius smiled, turning on a light. "So, how was your date?"
"Amazing!" James said happily.
"So she didn't find out about the fake chest hair, eh?" Sirius asked, "Told you it would work."
"Actually, no." James said, "She figured it out herself and was…to say the least, scared."
"Oh." Sirius said, twirling his finger around his single chest hair. "Better luck next time mate."
"But that's the thing!" James said happily, "She agreed to a second. There's going to be more and more and MORE!"
"Good for you, mate." Remus said sincerely.
"Hey…" James said thoughtfully, "You know that old camera? What do you say we get it out and film how happy I am."
"Actually…" Sirius said, gulping, "The camera has been with you the whole time."
"WHAT!" James shrieked.
"Accio invisibility cloak!" Remus demanded, and at once the cloak flew off of the camera.
"Do you mean to tell me that…that the whole 'me not having any chest hair' is now caught on tape?" James was shaking with anger now.
"James," Remus sighed, "I thought we'd already established chest hair wasn't important."
But James was already chasing after Sirius was desperately trying to protect the camera, he shielded it with his arms and popped up so that only his mouth was visible.
"That concludes another episode of Pursuing Lily Evans!" Sirius said happily.
A/N: Truth be told, I'm nervous of what you are all going to think. Well, of course the moral of this chapter isn't chest hair, but it's the fact that Lily won't like him unless he's completely himself. This is probabaly one of the only chapters with morals, though. Er...woops...haha...
Anyways, please please please review. You can tell me ideas for other chapters, give me compliments, critisism, or anything to help me improve my writing/update faster.
Thanks and love you all, Lilly.
