"All right crew, this is our moment," Dib watched in awe as the Captain stood before the crew all of whom had gathered on the bridge of the ship (as well as the Irkens and their robot stowaways, but that was not the point). Her voice was clear, precise and commanded even Dib's attention. (Shame her lectures were never this entrancing). "We are just outside of the Massive's radar. Soon we will take a small crew, board the ship, and make our way to the Tallest's chambers and demand answers! We will tell them what we have discovered! We will bring witnesses. And, most importantly, we will tell those assholes if they want a war; then the Syndicate will give one to them!" The cheers that filled the bridge nearly drowned out the quick protests from the chubby Invader in the front.
"W-wait!" Skoodge quickly elbowed his way to the head of the group. "You're Syndicate! You're supposed to be peaceful ."
"We are peaceful, Mister Skoodge. But do not confuse a dislike of fighting to an unwillingness to protect ourselves." The Captain stood tall, hands behind her back as her retort was met with more vigorous cheering from the Syndicate crew. "I am here to see if it is a war your Tallest want and, if it is, I will give them hell."
Dib could see Zim roll his eyes. "I can see why the Romulan is so trigger-happy. You know for Syndicate Rangers you're awfully shooty." The small ex-Invader came up to barely the Captain's waist, as he struggled to join Skoodge in the front.
"I've been trapped on a primitive planet for two very long years because of your people's attack, Mister Zim. I have been separated from home. My family. Forced to teach primitive space-math to a bunch of Vogon-brained troglodytes! " The Captain spoke firmly, bending at the waist to get more in the Irken's face. "So forgive me for being shooty ." She paused, side-glancing to Dib. "Ah yes, no offense about the… troglodyte comment. I mean it respectfully it's just… you don't even have light-travel. But really I loved humans, you were… you were great."
"Don't lie." Dib frowned.
"No it's true. I like pizza. You guys should do more with that. It's fantastic."
"I liked reality TV." Carrius (formerly Conner- Dib was getting better about using their real names. Though, he had yet to figure out the Captain's. Everyone just used her title.) piped up, standing behind the Captain taking notes.
"Oh yeah! I liked Space drama." Lor added. "You guys have a lot of good entertainment. If we do invite Earth into the Syndicate, I hope they take over the entertainment industry,"
"Hi, yeah- can we focus on you NOT declaring war as soon as you get on the Massive?" Skoodge waved his hand, jumping up to try to get everyone's attention. "I mean I love CSI Special Housewives of the Shores of Love too- but we're talking about Irk. Not Earth."
"My mission is to avoid war, of course." The Captain spoke calmly. "But I want it to be known that if it comes to it, we are willing to fight." She straightened herself back up. "Now, I will bring a small landing party with me to the Massive. If there is war on the horizon, I don't anticipate a warm welcome so stealth will most likely be our best option for securing a meeting. That is why the landing party must stay small: just essentials. That, and we're taking Skoodge's ship. So… not a lot of room." She took a deep breath, surveying the room. "Zim, Skoodge, Dragx, the creepy computer, and myself will go to the Massive."
"Wait, am I creepy Computer ?" CB was holding a wriggling GIR in his arms looking to the Syndicate Rangers around him for answers. "Does she not know my name ?"
"Computer!" The Captain pointed toward CB, "You will go in ahead of us."
"I have a name . We have been together for four months you should know it ."
"I assume you are constructed to survive in space?"
"Wait! Why are you not bringing the Kryptonian?" Skoodge interrupted pointing to Lor. "He's way stronger and faster than Dragx."
"Because Lor is a doctor . I need security personnel." She heaved a frustrated sigh. "He can't even shoot a gun."
"This is true. Failed weapons training twice." Lor confirmed. Dib gave him an amused look trying to remember how he had thought his old roommate was some sort of intergalactic spy. Four months on a ship with him had cleared up Dib's perception quite a bit.
"Lor," Skoodge tented his fingers together, lowering his hands in Lor's direction. "You can shoot lasers from your face. You do not need a gun."
"Yeah but that's not really reliab-" Lor was cut off.
"Look I promise that your skill set will be vital to this mission. I know the Tallest. We'll need invulnerability." Skoodge looked back to the Captain. "The Kryptonian goes." She looked at Lor then at the hulking rock-like man she had originally ordered to go with them. "Look if nothing else Lor is short and kind of scrawny, he'll fit better in my ship."
"Hey!"
"Very well." The Captain cut short Lor's protests. "Dragx, stand down, Lor you're on security."
"Wait, why!?" Lor looked unconvinced. "That weapon Tenn brought was pretty effective against me! I'm not trained for security."
"The odds of them using that sort of weapon are low since this is the Massive and that gun was specifically designed for terrestrial use. It has a high level of instability and firing it in our pressurized war-ship would be colossally stupid. Plus the rest of your species is pretty much dead so the odds of them having another way to deal with you outside of chucking you into the power core are very low." Skoodge put a hand on Lor's arm, patting him once.
"What if they throw me into the power core?"
"Well you'd probably die because it's made of the same stuff as that weapon's battery... so just don't let them do that. Got that?"
"Not really-"
"GREAT! Now we leave!" Zim instructed, thrusting his finger in a direction that was definitely not that of Skoodge's cruiser, but no one corrected him.
"Yes. Now, Computer, we were discussing your part in this." The Captain turned back to CB who looked genuinely offended by her refusal to use his name. (Which technically she was, as Dib knew the 'C' in CB stood for Computer . So… technically she was just using his first name.)
"Wait!" Dib interjected as he realized she was done calling out names. "What about me?" The Captain pinched the bridge of her nose looking annoyed.
"Yes, Mr. Membrane? What about you?"
"Why am I not in the landing party? I'm a key witness!"
"So is Q, and we are not bringing him." The Captain replied pointedly.
"Yeah but Q sucks." Dib was not about to miss a chance to get aboard the vessel of the Irken Leaders. "Plus, the Tallest know me. They've seen me on Zim's video calls. They like me."
"Ehhhh…." Zim made a vague gesture with his hand that was not helping Dib's case at all. "They don't hate you, I guess."
"Exactly! And, I'm good with computers! Even Irken Computers! I once rewired an Irken ship AND reprogrammed its personality!"
"And how did that go for you?" The Captain raised an eyebrow and Dib was briefly met with memories of the ship trying to throw itself into a trash vortex, that he had to quickly shake off.
"That's not important. What is important is that I did it!"
"Yes but we are bringing two actual Irkens and their AI with us. I think we have our computer needs covered." The Captain gestured to Zim, Skoodge, and CB in turn. Dib was entering panic mode. Sure he could wait until the rest of the crew were invited on board, but, then he would miss the entire infiltration mission!
"Y-yeah but I've infiltrated Zim's base before. So I know all about getting past Irken defenses!"
"You know who else can do that, the two Invaders ." The Captain's arms were crossed, eyes narrowed. Dib's mind was in overdrive. The Captain turned away from him, while he was thinking, back to CB. "I want you to go ahead of everyone. We'll be docking in Skoodge's cruiser and we will need to make sure the docking crew do not raise any sort of alarm to the higher decks. You need to be a distraction. I trust you are powerful enough to handle that."
" Yes. That is feasible -"
"CB! If he's going to be a distraction, we'll need a way to communicate with him! He's in my phone. He talks to me all the time, he..." Dib swallowed his pride, "he's my best friend!"
"I thought we were best friends…" Lor looked hurt but Dib gave him a quick look that made him temporarily silence.
"I assume Zim is capable of that." The Captain gestured to the small Irken.
"Yeah, but… do you really trust Zim ?" Dib also gestured toward his long-time frienemy.
"Wait! Hey! Do not insult the amazingness of ZIM!"
"Oh, that is a good point." The Captain looked contemplative.
"I believe my best friend should also go on the trip. We go on dangerous trips a lot and if he is not there, I will be sad. " It seemed Dib's little comment had gotten CB to side with him at least. The Captain rubbed her eyes with one hand and shook her head. She looked to Dib and reached into her bag, pulling out the Hyperspheres his father and step-mother had sent. She walked over placing them firmly in Dib's hand as she looked him directly in the eye.
"You can come, but if you die I'm not liable."
"Fair enough." Dib closed his hand around the weapons, placing them in the pocket of his cloak. "But I'm not worried."
"You should be." She looked him up and down, those pale blue eyes sizing him up. "I don't think a human should be going on this mission. You don't have a lot of durability or endurance. But you are persistent, and I don't even think Lor should be going, but here we are. So do me a favor and if you have to die, don't traumatize my medic. Oh and you'll need this," she pinned something metallic and glowing to the center of Dib's shirt, "hit that button in the center and a space suit that supplies oxygen will appear around you. It's a safety precaution."
"I won't die." He gave her an annoyed look. It seemed the overall opinion of humans on the ship wasn't great. He couldn't believe CB was his only way into the landing party. The Captain ignored the dirty look he was giving her and turned back to CB.
"So that distraction, do you think you can get the Irkens in the landing bay off our trail."
"Oh yes, absolutely ." CB seemed surprisingly willing to help given how he typically was more irritable. Dib wondered vaguely if it was because the AI was being given its own task without someone holding it back. (He also wondered if, given the only time in human history they had allowed for that freedom, this was a good idea. But CB was Irken, perhaps that was different enough. Still, Dib didn't like the idea. It left him with a bit of uneasiness.) "It will not take much time to cause a proper distraction. I assume we are not aiming to cause casualties ."
"Yes, please don't kill the Irkens. We probably went to the Academy with some of them." Zim ordered quickly.
"This will complicate my plan. " CB frowned, looking deep in thought. He was quiet a moment, Dib tilted his head to the side as he saw the lights on CB's helmet pulsing gently. "I can work within the parameters provided. You may head to your vessel. I will leave immediately. "
"What was with the pause?" Skoodge had his eyes narrowed. It may have just been in Dib's imagination, but Skoodge looked a tad suspicious of the android.
"I was analyzing. I must leave now to assure the greatest probability of success ."
"Wait what w-" Skoodge sighed as CB ran off without another word. "I don't like that he won't tell us his plan, Zim."
"CB is an AI of action, not of words!" Zim did not seem to share Skoodge's concern, but rather looked proud. "He takes after me that way."
"Let's get to the cruiser," the Captain interjected herself into the conversation as she pushed forward. "We will have quite the task ahead of us. With the addition of Dib we'll have a bit more difficulty fitting everyone."
"We can make it work." Lor replied optimistically as they headed to their own docking area. The Voot cruiser looked a lot smaller than Dib recalled. He had fit with ease, with Gaz, in Tak's ship back in the day... then again... he had been twelve and not 6'2". He looked around at the others. At least Lor was kind of short and thin... and both Irkens were small, but the Captain... she was his height if not a bit taller. He could see the issue.
It took... considerable effort for all five of them to fit in a ship meant for just Skoodge and his SIR. (Dib wasn't sure whether Skoodge had even brought his SIR to Earth, he'd never once seen it, but he had heard it mentioned once or twice.)
"Can you please try to move your leg?" Lor was in the middle, driver's seat, half sitting on Dib's knee as he was squished off to the left side with the Captain mirroring him on the right both of them having to put their limbs wherever they would fit.
"I really can't." Dib looked apologetically to him.
"I don't see the 're Tangean," Zim (who was sitting on Skoodge, who was sitting on Lor) looked back at the Captain, "why not just ghost yourself into a more comfortable position?" It was such an obvious solution.
"Because if I make myself intangible, I might fall out of the ship." The Captain retorted bitterly.
"Zim doesn't see the big deal, it is not so uncomfortable." The smallest member of the ship sure had the biggest mouth. Dib glared at his old rival.
"That's because you're up front because you just haaaad to drive." Dib shot back. He saw the Captain's hand ghost through both Lor and Skoodge's bodies in order to flick Zim on the back of his head. Dib didn't stop her, feeling this was justified as Zim made a noise of protest.
"You just said-"
"We hadn't taken off yet." She looked smugly at the former Invader as she drew her hand out of the other two passengers and put it back where it was. Lor and Skoodge both shivered as she moved through them.
"Ugh," Lor made a face, "that feels so... weird every time."
"You'll be fine, doctor." The Captain seemed unempathetic. Dib had to admit, it was weird to hear his roommate called 'Doctor' so frequently now. No matter how many times he saw Lor working on the ships medical bay, he still thought of him as his roommate who had trouble working the thermostat and had to get Dib to help him.
Skoodge's ship blinked for a moment, the clear glass shield in the front illuminating quite suddenly with the message: Incoming Transmission. Zim eagerly pressed the button to accept and the single blue eye-like light, that Dib knew to be CB, appeared on the screen.
"Mission complete: I have secured the docking bay ." The little blue light pulsed with every word spoken.
"Why does he have access to directly transmit to my cruiser?" Skoodge craned to look at Zim in front of him.
"Great work my minion! We are on our way!" Zim began to start the ship.
"Did you give him my direct frequency?"
"Affirmative. "
"Or the security clearance? This is supposed to be a confidential line." Skoodge's barrage of questions was getting entirely ignored as the screen disconnected from CB and Zim began to lift off. Dib was relieved to be on the way because his legs were starting to cramp.
The ship shuttered for a moment before lurching forward. Surprisingly, the transition into the vast, void of space was smooth. Dib had anticipated Zim to be a far worse pilot. Before them, Dib could see the outline of a large, maroon, starship adorned with a colorful version of the Irken Emblem- this one sporting a wide, surprisingly threatening smile. The Massive truly lived up to its name, Dib felt painfully small in comparison to the awe-inspiring testament to the technological superiority of the Irkens. He even saw the Captain's eyes widen as she took in its form.
They swooped downward toward one of the lower aspects of the ship, as they approached, a door light flashed blue and the door lowered itself, engulfing the tiny cruiser. Once it was closed, there was a pleasant 'ding' and the ship doors opened letting Dib and the Captain free. Dib fell gracelessly on his face looking over to see the Captain had apparently just ghosted herself out, standing as tall and refined as ever. Zim hopped off of Skoodge, who hopped off of Lor and all three of them disembarked into what could only be described as utter chaos.
Lights were flashing, Irkens in uniforms were running past the ship and the new arrivals completely oblivious to their entrance. It also appeared half of the docking area was currently on fire. Dib was at a loss as CB's android form emerged from the smoke, arms behind his back as he stood like a soldier greeting the rest of his troop.
"To reach the Tallest, you must head up and to the right. " He gestured to a door and it flashed blue and opened for them.
"What in Mothra's name did you do!?" Skoodge looked around with a mix of awe and complete horror as he surveyed the destruction.
"Very little. I simply did my duties. " As if on cue, a high pitched, tinny scream reverberated through the chamber as GIR ran by holding a laser that Dib assumed belonged to one of the guards. The Irkens seemed incapable of stopping him. "I also cut all communication to the exterior decks. But you should be swift... this is more difficult than I anticipated ." Dib blinked, something seemed off to him about that last line. It looked for a second like CB had faltered, an unnatural pause more like a computer glitching than a human thinking. But that may have all been in his head.
"Let's move." The Captain didn't seem offput by CB's momentary hesitation and instead made a dash for the door. The Irkens followed suit. Lor only realized where they were going a moment later but in a flash was through the door and Dib became painfully aware that he was the physically weakest of the group despite his genetic modifications from being cloned.
"The lobby should be ahead of us." Skoodge used his PAK legs to scurry to the front of the group as they headed up a rather long ramp. "In there should be the Tallest's Chief of Agenda. That is who you have to get through to meet them."
"Do you know the Irken who has the position currently?" The Captain asked.
"Ugh I hope not." Zim made a face. "The Irken who held the title the last time I needed a meeting was this absolutely awful former Elite. She had no respect for ZIM!" Zim puffed his chest a tad indignantly as he recollected the incident in question.
"So all we need to do is talk to the Irken and we'll be good to see your leaders?" The Captain spoke easily, not sounding at all winded despite the fact that they were all running up the steep metal ramp. the thudding of Syndicate standard-issue boots combined with the clicking of PAK legs on the metallic, tiles was making Dib's head spin just a bit- though that could also be due to the air in the Massive. Dib really should have checked the oxygen levels before deciding to run a mini-marathon.
"Well, in theory." Skoodge seemed less sure of the plan. Up ahead, they could see a door. It was looming, a sheen silver color decorated with the same emblem. It slid open as they drew close into a silver room with the same maroon walls as the Massive's exterior. There were screens with the logo and Irken writing scrolling underneath. Before them, a single Irken sat at a semi-circular desk, typing away on a holographic screen. The Irken did not bother looking up as they came in, but Dib happened to look over just in time to see Zim wince.
"Oh great, Sym." Zim grumbled nearly inaudibly. The Irken at the desk raised one of her curled antenna and her large brown eyes glanced over at the group. She opened her mouth and a serious of hissing and chirping sounds tumbled out.
Dib blinked. "What?"
"Analyzed: 'What'." A female voice, now speaking English replaced the hissing sounds. "Is this language understandable?"
"Oh... um..." Dib had not expected her voice to change to something so human. "Yeah. Thanks." She was no longer looking at them.
"State your name and business."
"Allison Rose, Captain of the G.S.T. Nova. I am here on behalf of the Galactic Syndicate to speak to your Tallest about a recent break in our treaty." The Captain spoke with authority, standing up to her full height, but the gesture was wasted as the Irken continued to look at her screen.
"Do you have an appointment?"
"No. Contact was cut-"
"You need an appointment to see the Tallest." The Irken, Sym, did not let the Captain even finish her explanation.
"Yes, but we could not make one because your communications are down." The Captain narrowed her eyes, speaking a little more severely.
"We made communications with Foodcourtia this afternoon. If you are unable to connect to the Massive then the error sounds like it is likely on your end."
"It's not." The Captain was clenching her jaw, trying to maintain a smile despite the fact that Dib could see the anger rising behind those pupil-less blue eyes. "We were able to reach Capitol Planet using our communication systems so-"
"This sounds like it is more of your problem." The Irken finally looked up, her round eyes narrowed in an annoyed expression. She instantly looked back down. "No appointment, no Tallest. Thank you and please don't come again." The Captain had about as much of the Irken woman's attitude as she was willing to take and in a quick, fluid motion she slammed both her hands on the silver desk loud enough that the SMACK reverberated around the little room. Sym did not even flinch at the noise, only pausing her typing long enough to give an annoyed little sigh.
"Listen here, this is a matter of Intergalactic urgency!" The Captain leaned forward. "Our Empires stand at the brink of an all-out war and your Tallest need to answer some questions."
"Oh my!" The Irken brought a gloved hand to her mouth looking taken-aback. "That is serious!" She stood and Dib had to do a double take. He had seen Zim and Skoodge and had assumed that the Irkens all hovered around the same height, but this Irken was shockingly tall . She was more slender, elegant than Dib was accustomed to seeing, she had to be about six feet, and rather than the red and pink overcoat over the black body suit that both Zim and Skoodge wore, this Irken was dressed in more flowing robes of bright blues and golds. "I suppose I should have let you finish." She swept past the group with enchanting fluidity as she walked over to a series of switches on the wall. "Let me rout you to our Tallest." She pressed a switch and the floor beneath the group gave way causing everyone to fall down a long drop below.
Well... almost everyone.
The Irken cleared her throat, looking down at the open floor then at Lor who was floating above the pit, looking down as well. Lor blinked.
"Oh, did you want me... in the..." he trailed off as he met her stern gaze. "Right..."
Dib saw Lor fly down to join them as the ceiling closed up and they found themselves in a small room filled with chairs. "Lor, did you seriously just follow us down here?" The Captain looked annoyed as Lor landed back on the ground.
"She seemed like she wanted me to go with you and I didn't want to get separated from the group." Lor replied earnestly. Dib and the Captain both sighed in unison. "So, what is this place?" He ignored the obvious annoyance from the others as he sat in one of the provided chairs.
"I suppose we should ask our Irkens ." The Captain looked to Zim and Skoodge who had caught themselves with their PAK legs on the wall and were only just now getting to the bottom of the drop. Skoodge looked equally perplexed.
"I've never seen this place before." He shook his head.
"Are you ready:" A deep voice overhead projected into the room. "To meet..." The voice was using English, which Dib was both confused by, and grateful for. "YOUR TALLEST!? Take your seats and the orientation will begin."
"Oh, it seems this is not some sort of trap..." The Captain took a very hesitant seat.
"ZIM WANTS FRONT SEAT!" Zim jumped into the front row, Skoodge taking the seat beside him. Lor took a seat toward the back and Dib decided going next to the guy who could fly was probably in his best interest. As soon as they were seated, the lights in the room dimmed and the wall in front of them illuminated with an image of an Irken in very regal looking attire.
"So, you are here to see the Tallest!?" The Irken on the screen spoke with the same authoritative voice as the previous recording. Dib was a little surprised by the variation in Irken clothing. Seeing as he had only really seen the Invader outfit on Zim, Skoodge, and Tenn and the Tallest armor (at least he assumed the outfits Red and Purple wore were specific to the Tallest) he had just assumed all Irkens had the same clothing. The figure on the screen made a deep bow.
"WELL YOU CAN'T!" At full volume, the Purple armored Tallest announced himself, swooping in and knocking the announcer-Irken to the side. "We're busy and you don't have an appointment; next time try being important."
"Oh, this is just delightful ." The Captain looked ready to murder someone.
"We know how much you wanted to see us," the recording continued seamlessly, "because we are just the greatest thing since Mothra herself. Aren't we amazing?" at this point the purple leader reached off screen dragging the red one into the frame as well.
"Of course we're amazing." The red guy looked a tad annoyed. "That goes without saying."
"It's too bad you didn't make an appointment to see us! You got so close!" The purple Irken feigned a look of dismay. "You poor pitiful Irkens, or whatever else you are."
"You should have made an appointment." The tall red-armored Irken confirmed, nodding seriously. "We're too busy to be interrupted."
"Yeah! We have lots of duties! Like eating, and sleeping, and being adored, and..." Purple was counting on his fingers (he only had three so, really, he had listed enough tasks for one hand- though none of them were really urgent) but trailed off trying to think of more aspects of the Tallest's daily routine. He looked over to his co-leader who sighed.
"And going over mission logs, leading the Massive, and making big... plans for military... stuff..." this time the red one looked to his purple companion.
"Strategizing military operations?"
"Yeah, that's what I said."
"Ah!" Dib let out a yelp as the floor shifted beneath him and restraints popped out from under the chairs, latching everyone into their seat. The Captain easily phased out of her own but stayed sitting as the screen opened up to reveal a little pathway.
"Wait, it's a ride? I thought it was just a movie." Lor probably could also have escaped his restraints, but for the moment he seemed content to just see where this was going.
"And you are both absolutely certain you have no idea what this is about?" The Captain shot the two Irkens in the front row a dirty look. Skoodge looked embarrassed as he had his head in both his hands, covering his face, his antennae both tilted forward. Zim seemed to honestly be enjoying himself, swinging his legs like a child on a rollercoaster, his antennae up and tilted slightly back, as the ride began sliding down the hall.
"This is new to us." Skoodge assured her. "But it has Tallest Purple written all over it." He looked up for a moment. "Quite literally, he autographed it." He pointed to some Irken writing on the ceiling. He put his head back down.
"Hey! You! Pay attention!" The voice of the purple leader made everyone jump. The Captain had a gun pulled out, pointed at the screen.
"I thought this was prerecorded." The Captain demanded answers from the screen, her gun raised.
"This is a recording." The recording of the purple Irken replied as if on cue. "However, our trial runs have shown this is when Irkens start talking and you shouldn't be talking. You should be focused on us. Always." He looked pleased with himself. As the ride moved on, the projection of the Tallest continued to play on a screen that floated continuously in front of the seats. Dib blinked as suddenly he heard faint music accompanied by the strange hissing sounds that Dib was beginning to realize was Irken being spoken out loud. It was weird, rhythmic hissing that vaguely reminded him of a ride he once went on with his father and sister when he was very young. (He didn't remember the trip itself as it had been a long time ago, but the tone and tempo was so similar, Dib wondered if the Irkens had somehow heard the tune and adopted it, or if it was such an obnoxious melody it actually transcended time and space.) On either side Dib began to see little animatronic Irkens waving and dancing and singing. Skoodge had his hands over his head, Zim was bouncing his head along with the melody. Lor and the Captain were just staring at each other at a loss.
And just as Dib assumed he was going to be spared the actual ear-worm of a song in a language he understood: the song repeated in English.
Your Tallest are here
They're just so supreme
And we know seeing them
Is a smaller's dream
But you can't
Cause you're short
Or perhaps
You're a Vort
It's a tall world after all.
It's a tall world after all
It's a tall world after all
It's a tall world after all
It's a tall, tall world
To see Purple and Red
Is truly sublime
But alas you're too lame
So don't suck next time
Hope you had
A good trip
Now get the fuck
Off our ship
It's a tall world after all.
As the little Irken voices launched into the refrain again, Dib was strongly considering jumping off of the moving platform and risking the fall into the empty pit that seemed to be beneath them. Skoodge finally looked up: "This is where our tax dollars are going. This."
"I like it, it's catchy." Zim replied as-a-matter-of-factly.
"Thank you for trying to see us today you needy peons!" The screen began to lift but they could still hear the voice of the purple Irken leader. "Please enjoy a commemorative photo!" There was a flash of light and one of the animatronic Irkens handed a printed photo to Dib who just happened to be in the correct seat. The various expressions were actually a little funny, and there was some Irken writing on the bottom. "Now get out! I don't even want my recorded self to look at you any longer!"
The restraints retracted and in a fluid motion the floating platform tilted forward with great force laughing the group into a tunnel. Lor reached over, grabbing Dib, hitting the button on his chest that activated a space suit to surround him as the group were sucked through the tunnel toward the void of space. Lor managed to grab the top of the tunnel, digging his hands into the metal as he caught Dib with one arm and the Captain with the other. He braced himself as Skoodge and Zim both crashed into his chest. Skoodge and Zim both extended their PAK legs to try to ease the weight off of Lor as he held for a few heart-pounding seconds before the doors at the end of the tunnel slid shut.
All at once everyone crashed onto the ground. Dib found himself gasping for air despite have plenty provided in the space suit the Captain had given him. The Captain was also suited up as she got to her knees, strands of red hair falling out of her tight ponytail. She looked around as she got to her feet. "Is everyone all right?" Her voice sounded a tad synthetic and Dib realized he was hearing it over a small transmitter in the seat. Lor, Zim, and Skoodge looked at one another before nodding.
"I'm fine but, how do we get out of here...?" Dib looked around. He wasn't sure if, even after the door closed, there was breathable air in the tunnel so he kept the suit on.
"We can't go back the way we came..." Skoodge gestured to the sealed off opposite end of the tunnel, now quite a ways above them. "That's bound to trigger every alarm we have."
"There might be another entrance." Zim sat down looking contemplative. "Those singing robots probably require some maintenance, so there must be a door for the staff." Everyone gave the small ex-Invader a surprised look. Zim blinked. "Zim considered a similar structure for when Earth was under Irken rule." He explained with a shrug.
"I could see if we can hack into the Massive's current blueprints. Gaz is still back home with Tak's ship. She may be able to pull up something." Dib was ready to prove his use on this mission. The Captain gave a nod, looking a tad impressed.
"Go ahead, contact her."
Dib pulled out his phone, which was in the suit as well, so he had to draw his arms back inside to operate it. He dialed his home number and prayed to whatever deity was listening that his father and step-mother were preoccupied. Fortunately, the screen flickered on to a half-interest Gaz already sitting in the seat of Tak's ship. "Gaz I need you to..." the recognition of where she was sitting finally set in. Dib opened his mouth and closed it again, puzzled by her location.
"You want me to give you blueprints to the updated Massive." She was already typing on the Irken keyboard, faster than even Dib himself.
"Y-yeah but... no offense, how did you know?" Dib was at a loss for an explanation. His sister was intuitive, yes, and brilliant just as any Membrane was- but she wasn't psychic.
Gaz let out a slow, long, arduous sigh. "CB told me, if you must know."
"O...kay..." Dib drew out the word as he tried to piece together this new bit of information. "There are a few issues with that. One being how does he know what we need, and another being how in the fuck did he tell you?"
"I can be in more than one location at one time ." Dib's phone spoke up in CB's voice and Dib nearly dropped it in surprise.
"Yeah he's been helping the connection for all of our calls," Gaz didn't seem at all alarmed by this very creepy revelation. "I used your charger in your room and ever since then he's been hanging out in my phone too. He games with me sometimes. I kicked his ass."
"It was a close game ."
"It wasn't. You just kept trying to cheat."
"It's not cheating if I am a computer and therefore have perfect aim. "
"And Tak's ship is okay with you looking stuff up?" Tak's ship, overall, did seem to like Gaz more than it liked him- but it had never been the most helpful.
"She'll pretty much do whatever so long as I threaten to let you sit in her cockpit again- or plug up CB to her. She doesn't like him at all."
"She does not. " CB confirmed.
"Creepy little program sticks its data where it does not belong !" Tak's ship finally spoke on its own accord. Gaz seemed more or less unaffected by the arguing around her, continuing to type as the ship shuttered in angry protest.
"Well you are obsolete. See I can be insulting too ." CB retorted indignantly.
"Can the robots please shut up so your sister can focus!?" The Captain looked about ready to snap as she made a frustrated gesture in Dib's direction. (Dib was hoping this frustration was at CB and not at himself seeing as how he was helping).
"Okay I got it." After a moment of silence, punctuated only by the sound of typing from Gaz, Dib's sister looked triumphant. "There is a small maintenance hatch on the left side of the tunnel about 7 meters back. I can send the picture to your phone."
"That'd be great." There was a happy little ' Ding ' and the message icon appeared. Dib pressed the button and pulled up a rough, sketchy blueprint. Dib started to move. There was some gravity, but not a lot as he tried to get toward the little door. He didn't really see anything but a little knocking suggested a hollow portion just beneath his hand. Skoodge scurried over nudging Dib out of the way. One of his PAK legs retracted and re-emerged with a small tool that he used to wiggle open a small panel. Dib made a face- that was going to be a tight squeeze- especially for the Captain and himself.
"See, I told you." Zim hopped in first, followed by Skoodge, Lor, Dib, and finally the Captain. Dib had to army crawl on his elbows, dragging himself through the compact little vent, all while trying not to drop the phone as Gaz sent him his next destination.
"You want the tunnel to your right. It should have a vertical slant." Sure enough, there was a split in the tunnel and the group took the path to right. The path began to slant steeply upward and Dib found himself struggling just a bit to make the climb (and trying his best to avoid kicking the Captain in the head). Once in a while he would have to grab Lor's foot to try and hoist himself up. It took a lot of direction, there were far more twists and turns than Dib expected, but finally they reached their destination. "This should be that main lobby area again. Just try not to get thrown back in the pit like a dumbass."
"Thanks Gaz." Dib let out a relieved breath.
"Yeah well, if you died it would upset dad and mom." Gaz smirked. "I'll be here when you inevitably mess up again."
"Thanks..." Dib narrowed his eyes as the call ended. Zim kicked a small hatch and the group came tumbling out of the vent onto the floor in front of Sym. The brown-eyed Irken woman surveyed them with a look of disgust.
"You're back."
"We are! Because we are unstoppable! You cannot throw me out into space! I am Z-" As Zim hopped to his feet and declared his victory, Skoodge leapt from the floor to cover the smaller Irken's mouth with his hand. It seemed the action gave Sym pause as she looked the tiny, ex-invader up and down.
"Wait, you're not Irken Defect, Zim , are you?" She looked as if she had stepped in something incredibly gross as her whole body withdrew.
"Oh no," surprisingly, it was Lor that jumped in. "This is Zod, he's a fry cook." Skoodge slowly turned his head, looking at Lor.
"Where did you get that name?" he asked in a lowered voice.
"I dunno, just came up with it." Lor shrugged. Skoodge lifted a finger, opening his mouth and then shutting it again, shaking his head.
"That's a lot to unpack right there, and we don't have time to do that." He looked back to Sym, straightening up as much as he could. "Zod is with me, I'm Irken Invader Skoodge." That got her attention, she brought a hand up to her mouth, thoughtfully scrutinizing the stout Invader.
"Interesting..." She sat back at her little desk. "But also impossible."
"Excuse me?" Skoodge lifted an antenna.
"Impossible. We just got notice that Invader Skoodge is dead."
"What!? I'm not dead!" Skoodge protested. "I'm standing right fucking here ! Scan my PAK." He turned around and the Irken woman stood back up, practically gliding over to them, placing a hand against his PAK. Her eyes went blank for a moment and she pulled back.
"Yes... Well... I'm sorry I can't let a dead Irken back to see the Tallest. Especially not without an appointment." She crossed her arms.
"I'm not dead ! I'm right here !"
"This is a matter of Intergalactic Importance! Can you not just press the button and open the fucking door!?" The Captain looked as frustrated as Skoodge.
"The Tallest are incredibly busy. No one just goes through that door. They are busy with matters far more delicate than the Syndicate." As she spoke, the door to the lower decks swished opened and another Irken walked in holding several large boxes.
"Pizza." The Irken peeked out from behind the stack taller than he was.
"Oh, yes, right this way." Sym immediately abandoned the conversation with the Syndicate landing party and went back to her desk. She pressed a button and the doors behind her with the smiling logo slid open. The Irken with the pizza boxes began to hurry through. The doors began to shut but stopped.
"Hey, guys." Lor had his foot in the door.
"You! Stop that!" Sym realized what was happening as everyone hurried through the door. "You aren't supposed to- ugh." She looked for a moment, as if she was thinking about following but shrugged, sitting back down. "I'm not paid enough to deal with this."
They hurried along behind the Pizza guy to a new door, this one even larger and more ornate than the first, blocked by to very tall Irkens in matching black armor. "HAULT!" The first Irken to speak was female, holding her weapon forward; she held everyone at bay. "Identify yourselves!"
"Are you with the pizza guy?" The second Irken was male, he seemed bemused by the situation unfolding before him looking at the group without batting an eye.
"W-what? Vero no." The female Irken turned to look at him with deep annoyance in her expression, her long, swooping, curled antennae lying flat back. Her teeth were bared aggressively, her stance looked ready to pounce. "They are clearly intruders."
"I dunno, they could be with the pizza guy." The male shrugged, leaning back against the wall, barely bothering to hold his spear like weapon.
"Why would the pizza guy have a Tangean, two Irkens, a..." she looked at Dib and Lor. "And whatever the fuck these hideous things are supposed to be?" She narrowed her eyes, clearly analyzing them. "A human... and a Kryptonian? How are you different species you look practically the same!?"
"Yeah..." Lor shrugged.
"Look Xia, I dunno how pizza guys are operating now a day. Maybe they're here to like act as security. You know, from pizza bandits." The Irken called Vero seemed remarkably willing to help their cause- or maybe he was just stupid.
"That's not a thing. You just made that up."
"Nuh uh, it could be a thing."
The Captain cleared her throat, drawing herself to her full height as she pressed the button to retract her space suit. "Pizza security. We have reason to believehthe pizza may be in danger." Dib took the opportunity to also remove his own suit.
"Oh shit, see?"
"They're bluffing, Vero." The female Irken looked unconvinced.
"Oh, I'm sorry, is this a fucking joke to you?" Dib was caught off guard by the sudden abrasive stance the Captain was taking. Perhaps she was channeling just how fed up she was with this whole scenario into her impromptu performance. Even the Irken guards seemed taken aback. "Is the wellbeing of a pizza ordered especially for your Tallest a joke?"
"I... well... no..." Xia's hesitation seemed to stem more from confusion than intimidation. Skoodge nodded along seriously.
"We have it on good authority that Zeke is planning an attack on this very pizza." He spoke calmly, without missing a single beat.
"Zeke!?" Xia's antennae stood up.
"The plot thickens." Vero, on the other hand, was leaning on his pole-arm only looking mildly invested in the exchange taking place. "Well I don't wanna get in trouble for letting a pizza get ruined."
"This still sounds suspicious..." The story had at least gotten Xia to somewhat consider letting them through. "Why would Zeke want to go after a pizza? And why would a group on non-Irkens be the best to stop him? They're so... gross... and- HEY!" The door behind the two Irken guards slid open. "Mothra damn it Vero you can't just go letting people in!"
Dib didn't get to hear the rest of the conversation as the Captain grabbed his arm and hurried through the door before Xia was able to close it again. On the other side was a room Dib had only seen in parts. It was the bridge of the Massive, and the many Irkens that surrounded them were all staring in their direction. A single Irken jumped up and ran off.
"We're here to see your Tallest." The Captain walked into the center of the room. All around her eyes of various shapes and colors were following her every move. "And we won't be leaving until we have spoken with them, in person."
"Is that so?" The deeper voice of the red-armored Tallest filled the room and Dib found himself a bit floored by just how tall the two really were. They emerged from a door on the other side of the room and Dib's eyes widened. They had to be roughly seven feet. Their forms surprisingly slender, agile, and sleek looking. As the red one puffed out his chest and bared his teeth in a grimace, Dib was taken aback by how intimidating the two looked in person. He had always expected them to be a lot shorter. He just assumed they were tall by Zim standards, but no, these two were lean and they were looming .
"HEY!" The purple one swooped in behind his counterpart. They moved by wafting through the air, their hovering feet not touching the ground making their height even more apparent. "You're not a second pizza guy!"
THIS CHAPTER! *Takes a deep breath* Okay this one was an absolute JOY to write for you. I honestly hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it because OMFG I actually had a GREAT time. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know your reactions to this chapter in the comments. It has been one of my favorites!
