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Chapter Six: Roger's Story

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"Should I do it?" asked Abigail, sneaking another nervous glance over her shoulder in Eddie Wentwhistle's direction.

Melinda groaned. "You ask one more time and I swear I'm just going to go ask him for you myself." Abigail looked at her in alarm.

"Just do it," Serena said kindly as she heaped more mashed potatoes onto her plate. "I don't know what you're so worried about, everyone knows he likes you."

"No they don't," moaned Abigail. "What if he still likes Egglesby? They've only been broken up a few weeks."

"Yes, but he broke up with her," Lily pointed out patiently.

She was only half paying attention to the conversation, as she had been stealing her own, rather more surreptitious glances in Roger Gray's direction all through dinner.

Lately she had found herself involuntarily scanning the Ravenclaw table each time she entered the Great Hall, just hoping to see him there. He looked so... happy all the time, surrounded by a group of laughing, joking friends, all of whom were older Ravenclaws she didn't know. (She'd almost asked Mena about them once or twice, but she couldn't think how to bring it up without having to explain why she was so interested all of a sudden.) While she longed to be sitting there and laughing with him, just seeing him was enough to brighten her day.

Today, however, during the brief moment she'd allowed her eyes to linger on his face, Lily had seen an unusually gloomy and subdued Roger, and it was bothering her. Though there were too many students between them to afford a clear view, her eyes kept traveling back to the spot where she could occasionally see the back of his head. At least, she was pretty sure it was his head.

Across the table from her, Lupin was trying to look politely interested in the matter of Abigail's date for Slughorn's end-of-term party. Next to him, Pettigrew was tracing designs in his own mashed potatoes with a fork. The two of them had taken to eating meals with the girls while Potter and Black, having not yet fully atoned for their sins, remained in seclusion.

Lupin fit quite naturally in their midst. He alone among his friends could have a conversation with girls that didn't inevitably devolve into bragging or teasing. Pettigrew, however, took more getting used to. He alone among his friends seemed to lose all powers of speech when confronted with members of the gentler sex.

Abigail continued to twist a lock of hair around her finger and fret about Wentwhistle. "What if he's wishing now he hadn't broke up with her? I mean, she's really good looking, isn't she?"

"Well you're better looking," said Lily reflexively, directing her attention back to her own table. Abigail looked unconvinced.

Lily opened her mouth to say something else, but changed her mind and instead gave Lupin a light kick under the table; he looked momentarily confused, then caught her drift. "She's right, you're loads prettier," he said encouragingly. "And Egglesby is far too annoying, no one in the their right mind would miss her."

Abigail beamed at him. "You really think so?"

"Of course," he nodded solemnly. "Wentwhistle'd be a fool to say no."

"Alright then, here I go." She took a deep breath and rose from her seat, casting an appreciative smile at Lupin.

Pettigrew gazed at his friend with indiscreet awe, like he never knew Lupin had it in him to work such magic on girls. Lupin looked faintly embarrassed by this but mostly pretended not to notice.

Lily looked past them and was pleased to note that the back of Roger's head had not left the Ravenclaw table.

Apart from exchanging a couple of polite smiles in the corridors, they hadn't actually run into each other since that day in Hogsmeade three weeks ago. She had been getting more and more agitated about this, to the point where she was embarrassed to admit, even to herself, how much time she spent thinking about it.

But summer was staring them all in the face and she was seized by a stupid desperation to talk to him again before parting ways. He would be back next year, of course, but she didn't want to go two whole months without him. They could send each other owls, maybe even meet.

No, meeting was too much to hope for at this point. Owls were enough.

First, though, she had to talk to him. But when? Where? How? Abigail had reminded her that they could bring a guest to Slughorn's party (she had almost forgotten about Slughorn's party) but Lily was not about to march up and invite Roger in the middle of dinner. She couldn't stand the thought of being rejected and having so many people know about it.

Abigail bounced back a few minutes later looking ecstatic. "He said yes!" she squealed. Lily joined in the chorus of that's-great's and I-told-you-so's, but her mind was still on the Roger Problem.

"I think you're very pretty too," Pettigrew piped up. That jolted Lily out of her thoughts; her head snapped to him, as did everyone else's. He hadn't uttered a word before that all evening.

Pettigrew, quickly realizing his statement hadn't gone over as well as Lupin's, turned pink. "I mean... I knew he would say yes too..." he mumbled to his plate.

Lily felt a small pang of pity for the boy. While Potter and Black were forever having laughs at his expense, their absence seemed to have left him at a bit of a loss. She could sense him trying to deify Lupin in their stead, but Lupin's mild-mannered confidence was much harder to mimic than Black and Potter's bullying bravado.

As they were leaving the Great Hall a few minutes later, Lily automatically looked back to check on the Ravenclaw table. Roger and his friends were also getting up to leave.

Lupin paused in the middle of the entrance hall and said he had some books to return to the library. Pettigrew looked relieved for an excuse to leave the girls. As the two of them waved goodbye, Roger's group emerged from the Great Hall, and Roger, still looking gloomy, waved his own goodbye and headed out the front doors alone.

Alone.

Lily's brain kicked into overdrive as she started up the stairs with her friends. She ground to a halt halfway up. "I just remembered, I've been meaning to look up some things in the library," she said, hoping she sounded calmer than she felt. "I think I'll join them."

The others gave her a puzzled look. "Exams are over," said Melinda. "What could you possibly need to look up?"

"Oh, just some good spells to keep my sister away from my things," Lily explained. Luckily they bought it. They had heard a great deal about Petunia over the years, and no doubt saw the wisdom in this move.

Lily turned and hurried back down the stairs with a surge of adrenaline. She had already looked up the spells and of course had no intention of going to the library.

She paused on reaching the front doors, wiped her sweaty hands on her robes, and, steeling herself with a deep breath, stepped out into the breezy summer dusk.

A good many students were out on the grounds taking advantage of the pleasant evening. Happy couples were strolling hand in hand, younger students were playing gobstones, and there was even a pick up game of Quidditch in progress.

As her eyes adjusted to the rapidly fading light, Lily began walking with no real idea where she was headed. The last sliver of sun was slipping behind the distant mountains and already the moon loomed large over the treetops of the Forbidden Forest.

She spotted Clementine Harper and Eustace Womple kissing under the beech tree; and, farther off in the distance, what looked like the silhouette of Roger Gray, moodily skipping stones over the surface of the lake. She started towards him, then slowed down, then stopped altogether, feeling like a large number of doxies had suddenly decided to throw a party in her stomach.

Oh go on… you're not going to get another chance like this….

"Roger?"

He hadn't heard her approaching and looked up in surprise, as though jolted from a nap in the middle of class.

"I--I was just out for a walk," Lily lied. "Saw you alone and thought you might like some company…."

Crickets chirped loudly all around them, while Roger simply continued to look at her. Unlike Potter's, his was a maddeningly inscrutable expression of surprise, and Lily couldn't tell if he was pleased to see her or not. Maybe he was annoyed at having his thoughts interrupted.

"It's alright if you don't," she said quickly, her face getting hot. "I can just go…."

"Huh?" said Roger, finally breaking through his reverie. "Oh no, you don't have to go. Uh, have a seat…." He nodded, indicating the ground next to him. "Sorry," he added as Lily settled herself on the grass. "You got me off guard. I was just… thinking…."

"What about?" she asked, feeling slightly relieved.

"Oh, you know…" he said vaguely, selecting another stone and sending it hopping across the wind-rippled water. Lily pulled off her shoes and socks, waiting for him to expand on this.

"Is anything the matter?" she finally asked. "You look a little… down."

Roger shrugged. "End of the year, going to miss people over the summer, got some older friends leaving… the usual…."

"Mm," said Lily sympathetically.

He resumed his pensive silence, and she slid her feet through the cool grass, scrunching it with her toes. The doxies in her stomach seemed to have decided they'd rather spend a quiet night at home after all.

"Hey," said Roger, turning to her suddenly, "you're Muggle-born, aren't you?"

"Yes…."

"What do your folks think of you being a witch?"

Lily shrugged. "They're happy for me. They think it's a really special gift. Why?"

"And they've always thought that?" he pressed. "Right since you got your letter?"

"I think so," said Lily, unsure where he was going with this. "I mean, back then we were all just happy to know the reason why--er--unusual things seemed to happen when I got mad."

Roger grinned knowingly at her. "Ah, accidental magic…" he said with a reminiscent gleam in his eyes. "Those were the days, no? My teachers and classmates used to be terrified of me."

"My sister was of me. Not that I can blame her really… after all, heavy objects did have a habit of hitting the back of her head when we fought…"

Roger laughed. "What, she didn't do accidental magic too?"

"Oh no, she's never done any magic," Lily replied. "She's a Muggle."

"Wow." Roger stopped laughing and gave a low whistle. "That must make things a tad… awkward…."

Lily nodded darkly. "She hates that I'm a witch, really hates it. After I left for school, she told all our old friends I'd gone mental and had to be sent away."

Roger looked unsure whether to laugh or sympathize. "She was probably just jealous."

"That's what Mum and Dad said. I understand, it can't be easy being Muggle and having a witch for a sister, but still…." Lily sighed.

"No, I know what you mean," said Roger, picking up the pensive look he'd dropped earlier. "I think my mum's been getting a bit jealous of me too lately."

Your mum? thought Lily, but out loud she said, "Lately? Why lately?"

"I don't know really. That's why I was asking about yours…"

Well at least his earlier questions made sense now. Sort of. "So she was fine with you doing magic at first?"

"Well…" said Roger slowly, "it's a bit complicated…."

He plucked a blade of grass and started chewing on it, with the air of one trying to make up his mind. "She's never exactly liked me," he said at last. "She had me when she was really young, you see, and… I think she resents me for ruining her life…."

Lily's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "What?" she yelped.

"Yeah," he said heavily. "First her parents kicked her out, then dad disappeared after I was born… so now I'm the only one around left to blame…."

"But--but…"

"I know, it doesn't make sense, but I was used to it," he said simply. "But then she started acting jealous too--round about last summer—and… what am I supposed to do about that?" He ran his hands through his hair, looking frustrated. "I think it's because I'm still in school… she was about my age when she had to drop out…."

This was a pretty big revelation for Lily to take in unprepared and she had no idea what to make of it. Well, she knew she didn't like the sound of Roger's mother one bit… but she also couldn't help feeling sorry for the woman….

"How did it--how did it happen?" she asked finally.

"By it you mean me?" he said, sounding slightly amused.

"Well… yes…"

Roger smirked at her. "You see Evans, when a man and a woman love each other--or think they do anyway--"

"Not that, you idiot!" Mercifully it was too dark out for him to see her blushing furiously. She had half a mind to hit him, but summoned up a withering look and gave it instead.

"Sorry," he said, but with a slight mocking smile still playing on his face. "You mean how'd she meet my father and all? Honestly, I don't know very much about it." He lay back in the grass, hands folded behind his head, so that Lily had to look over her shoulder to see his face.

"My Uncle Alfred--he was Mum's brother--said dad was supposed to be this rich kid, just out of school I think. He'd never actually met him though. Suspected he was just acting out against his family or something, being with Mum. Then one day he got bored and I guess went off to find a nice respectable wife… disappeared, left a note saying not to look for him… and, well, that was that…."

"He just left?" said Lily indignantly. She leaned back on her arms, feeling a much purer disdain for Roger's dad than she had for his mum.

"He just left," Roger repeated. "Anyway, that's all I know. Mum never talks about him, and I know better than to ask… bit of a touchy subject with her, for some reason." He sighed heavily. "I don't even know his name…."

"Isn't it Gray?" Lily asked stupidly.

"No," he said quietly, "he and Mum never married. And I guess she doesn't want me to know his name so I can't go after him… not that I would anyway…."

"Why not?"

"What's the use? Doesn't sound like he'd be a very nice person, does he? Or happy to see me…."

"No," she admitted; and, unable to think of anything to add to this, simply lay back and rested her head in the grass beside Roger's.

For the next few minutes, the two of them stared up at the stars in silence. Lily was flattered that Roger had chosen to share with her such personal details of his life, and impressed, too, by how maturely he could talk about them. A warm contentment stole over her, and she thought she wouldn't have minded passing the whole night like this, just lying side by side in the silvery moonlight.

"Well," she said eventually, "you seem to have turned out alright, despite the lousy hand at parents."

He rolled on his side, propping himself up on one elbow, and grinned at her. "Thanks…. Might not have though, if it hadn't been for the whole magic thing…."

"Oh?" said Lily, now oddly unable to meet his eyes. He wasn't leaning especially close, but all of a sudden she was very conscious of the heat emanating from his body. The doxies in her stomach were doing their thing again, and this time they'd invited all their little doxy cousins.

"Oh yeah, I was a little terror as a kid, even without the accidental magic. Lots of issues at home, as the teachers liked to call it."

"At least you grew out of it though, didn't you?"

"Yep," he said cheerfully. "Soon as I left home, I stopped having the issues."

Lily chanced a glance at his face; their eyes met for a moment and she looked away quickly. "It must be hard going back," she whispered.

"Well," he said a little less cheerfully, "can't say I'm looking forward to it…. But at least this is the last summer I'll have to, so I suppose it could be worse."

"And it's only for two months," she pointed out.

"Right," said Roger as he checked his watch. "It's getting a bit late, we should probably go in." He got to his feet. "I mean, two prefects, out past curfew… what would people say?"

"It would be scandalous," Lily said dramatically. She stood up too, brushing bits of grass off her robes.

"You know what would brighten your summer a bit?" she asked as they made their way across the now largely deserted grounds.

"What's that?"

"Writing me letters."

Roger grinned. "Not a bad idea, I suppose. I'll keep that in mind."

Filch, the caretaker, was in the process of closing the oak front doors and shot them a nasty look as they crossed into the entrance hall.

"Oh, I've just remembered," said Lily as they paused to part ways, "Professor Slughorn is having an end-of-term party and I promised to go. Would you like to come?"

Roger turned a disconcertingly shrewd look on her and seemed to search her face for a few moments before responding. "When is it?"

"Lunch on the last day, before the feast," she said, praying she wasn't blushing. He knows… he knows I fancy him….

"Mm, sorry, can't," he said, turning away again. "Ravenclaws are having a party for the seventh years…."

"That's alright," said Lily, a little too brightly.

"Have fun though…."

"You too!"

She walked back to Gryffindor Tower slowly after they'd said their goodnights, trying to understand what had just transpired. Things had been going just peachy until she'd asked him to the party… then he'd given her that--that look, and it was like suddenly he knew far more about her than he should….

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A/N--James and Sirius return next time. They've been forcibly kept out of trouble for two weeks now, and I think they're getting a bit restless.