Zim held to the bottom of the prized spear, his feet not even touching the ground any longer as Voel had lifted the spear into a defensive position. Had this been a more dangerous fight, Zim might, might have thought about letting this go. But CB had (weirdly) this under control so the former Invader was fine simply hanging on and trying to look threatening. "Good boy CB, you show that intruder who is the boss! The boss is ZIM!"
"Woah, woah, woah!" The little Irken recoiled not looking terrified so much as... offended by the machine holding it to the ground. Maybe Zim was misreading the expression- surely there was terror in those little, round, red eyes. "Hands off the goods you mechanized maniac!" Yep, there had to be terror in there somewhere.
" Um... " The central light on CB's helmet dimmed from the top and bottom, moving slowly until there was only central glowing area, as if the robot was narrowing its eye. " No? "
"Who even are you?" Tenn still had her gun raised, peering around CB at the Irken who was slapping at the robot to get it off. Seeing as how the Irken was so small, it only seemed to be a mild bother to the AI who looked more confused than anything else. "D... does anyone here know this guy?"
"No." Skoodge shook his head.
"I don't..." Zim shrugged.
"He leaves no impression on me at all. I'm literally staring at him and he's so short, I'm not even sure I'll remember him when I look away." Tallest Purple looked away huffily. Zim made a face. Now that they were no longer the Tallests, and the idolatry had subsided, Zim was able to admit he had always had a very distinct dislike of Therron in particular.
"Wait..." Voel was squinting at the tiny Irken trying to sort through his memory banks. "You're the Irken from the store on Ielea-12!"
"Bingo!" The Irken gave finger guns over the robot's shoulder. "You always were the smart one, huh?" The way the Irken spoke was very informal and it had traces of a rural-Irk accent, which was unexpected seeing as how he had made it all the way to Earth. That was a long trip- longer when it was accompanied by the constant, relentless singing of a broken SIR- and it was uncharacteristic of rural Irkens to have the ability to travel this far.
"Hey!" Therron interjected himself into the conversation, interrupting Zim's train of thought. "He's not the smart one! I am! He couldn't remember the word armada! He thinks lasers are cool! How is he the smart one!?"
"Fine he's got war-smarts, you've got political eloquence, is that what you want to hear?" The Irken craned its head to give Therron an annoyed look.
"And also I'm the good looking one." Therron ignored the obvious irritation on the newcomer's face in order to further stroke his own ego.
"Matter of opinion, pal." The Irken shrugged.
"Why I never-" Before Therron could finish, the smaller cut him off.
"So is anyone gonna call off this machine? Or am I just supposed to lie here till I die? I mean c'mon the least you could do is get me a magazine." The Irken tried to look to the Tallests but his angle wasn't the best.
"You can release him," Voel replied at last. "I doubt he could hurt us if he wanted, plus he isn't acting like the other Irkens. He hasn't talked about how much he loves the Control Brains." CB turned his head to look at Voel, then back at his hostage.
" I do not take orders from you ."
"You shut your mouth; I am the Tallest. You say you are Irken. You will respect me." Voel rose up to his full height, trying to intimidate the computer but CB just ignored him.
" Master, what should I do ?"
Zim blinked, that was a direct request to him. He... was the one in charge here. Not Voel. It was his brilliance that had created CB and thus he should decide what to do. "We have to kill him." Zim nodded, seriously.
"Zim, no." Skoodge very quickly put both hands to his shoulders.
Zim frowned as he thought over the suggestion. No... it really didn't make much sense upon further reflection. It was one of those bad-ideas. One of the ones that would come directly from his PAK into his brain. The very state of his defect, he had been dealing with it since he was a smeet. He had gotten pretty good at telling bad-ideas from his own, real thoughts. "Hm... you're right. Let's not do that. CB, release him."
" Yes master. " CB stood up, finally letting the smaller Irken get up off of the ground. The Irken quickly got to his feet sweeping a hand over his antennae, straightening himself out, fixing his clothing, wiping off the dust and Tostito crumbs.
"Well isn't this just the crazy congregation? We have Tallests Red and Purple, or should I say regular Voel and Therron-"
"You shall NOT say that." Voel's eyes narrowed dangerously but the intruder continued his analysis, undeterred by the threat.
"Invaders Skoodge and Tenn, some weird Syndicate aliens, and Defect Zim with his army of automatons."
"It's Invader Zim, actually." Zim corrected, not appreciative of being accused of being Defective. While it was true his PAK did sometimes force-feed strange thoughts into his head- he was not defective. In fact, he was the most-not-defective Irken ever.
"I know what I said, asshole." The Irken surveyed the group with mild interest.
"You've said a lot of stuff, and all of it is terrible." Therron had his arms crossed, glaring daggers at the smaller who spoke as if he were nine feet tall.
"Well you spew a lot of bullshit too, Therron , and you don't hear me complaining." The tiny Irken whirled around, firing back without missing a beat.
Voel pinched the bit of skin between his eyes as Therron reeled, mouth agape. "But what you haven't told us, is who the actual fuck, you think you are you little sac of shit." It had been a long time since Zim had seen Voel this upset- at least- not at him. He had to admit there was a not-small part of himself that was enjoying watching this smaller trash talk his former leaders to their faces. Zim respected the Tallest position, and would never have sat by idly while they were insulted. However, as Skoodge mentioned at every chance- these were not the Tallests. And Voel and Therron had this coming for years. Especially Therron.
"Isn't it obvious?" The Irken smirked. "I'm Zeke."
"Who?" Therron looked blankly at Voel.
"No. Fucking. Way." Voel looked torn between disbelief and pure, unbridled rage. "You can't be. You're that writer that's had all of Irk fucking questioning everything we do!? Do you KNOW how many mothra-damned INTERVIEWS we have to do undoing the damage caused by your fucking articles!?" Voel made a move toward Zeke but was knocked to the side as Skoodge jumped in between them, using his PAK legs to give him an extra jolt of speed.
He landed in front of Zeke, looking rather excited. "I absolutely love your magazine! I've read every copy you released until I left Irk."
"Did I just get pushed aside by Skoodge !?" The reality of how far they had fallen was starting to sink in for Voel, Zim could see it in his expression.
"Don't you dare give him praise!" Therron pulled Skoodge back, away. "That little asshole has been causing us all kinds of problems!" Skoodge looked up at Therron, looking mildly annoyed, before turning away from him to talk to Zeke again.
"Do you have a copy of Almighty Tallests : Irk's Greatest Deception ? I saw it in Tenn's memory but I didn't get a chance to read it."
"For the great Invader Skoodge, I'll even sign it." Zeke winked at Skoodge snapping his fingers and pointing in his direction. Zim was unimpressed.
"So you got tailed?" Zim took a moment to turn to CB who he had carefully instructed to keep an eye on the Tallests in case of an emergency. It was good for Voel and Therron that Zim's genius had anticipated foul play, or they would have been worse off than just being stranded on Earth. However, he expected his Control Brain prototype to be able to detect an Irken ship following them. Especially given Zeke's size and status, Zim doubted he could afford Invader-quality technology.
" I preferred to think of it as a conga line for two ships. "
"Hmm, when you put it like that it does sound fun." Zim admitted thoughtfully.
" Right ?"
"So," Zim turned back to Zeke who was talking to Skoodge, ignoring the fact that both Therron and Voel looked ready to actively attack. "You're some sort of, sensationalist... tabloid... writer for lies?" Zim had not read any of Zeke's articles, but he had gotten summaries from Skoodge and they all sounded like various stabs at the Tallests and their power over Irk.
"Lies? I don't write lies, Zim. I'm an investigative journalist. I write truth." Zeke's eyes narrowed. "I take great pride in my work."
"Truth? You write things like: The Tallests: Losing Irkens?" Therron quoted one of the titles Zim recalled seeing Skoodge reading.
"Didn't you?" Zeke lifted one antenna, the other still flat against his head. "There are cases of multiple Irkens going missing within the past few cycles and not a single news source was reporting on it. In fact, Invader Tenn was reported missing quite a while back."
"Okay, bad example." Voel growled. "What about the article you wrote about Therron spending all of that monies on... some... ride..." As he spoke, he slowly lost that vigor. "Okay but the one about us being controlled is..." Voel stopped dead.
"Is... what?" Zeke questioned.
"You have a mighty smug smirk on your face for someone who is punting-sized." The growl was back in Voel's voice as he drew himself up to his full height. "You are wanted on Irk. You're not a journalist- you're a criminal!"
"I can't believe this is Zeke. I've had snacks bigger than him..." Therron was muttering more to himself than the others in the room.
"I'm going to actually kill him." Voel tightened his grip on the spear.
"Slow it there ace." Zeke held up both of his hands. "Before you go impaling me, or pissing off that weird computer body guard Zim has-"
" I would not stop him. I am not personally invested in whether you live or die ." CB interjected, cutting the journalist/criminal off.
"Right." Zeke frowned slightly. "Well before you kill me. I should ask if you really want to murder the only Irken here who knows what's happening on Irk."
"You have news from home!?" Tenn finally dropped her gun. The entire time the former Tallests and Zeke had been fighting, Tenn had been looking ready to fire. However, at news of Irk, she immediately lowered her weapon.
"Damn right I do. I saw what the masses were told in regards to your... shall we say- forced eviction?" He looked to Voel and Therron who had calmed their rage only slightly. It seemed their curiosity was the only thing stronger than the current, bitter hate that they seemed to harbor for this tiny Irken. Zim had to admit, it was nice to have someone else to draw the ire of the taller Irkens.
"Care to show us?" Skoodge looked to Zim for just a moment as he made the suggestion. "Zim has some technology from the Syndicate that can display the information in your PAK for us to watch. It can be..." he trailed off searching for the right word, " facilitated by CB." Zim let out a breath he did not realize he had been holding.
He knew Skoodge did not trust CB one hundred percent, and after the incident with the Control Brains, Zim feared that mistrust was only growing. However, Skoodge carefully circumvented the fact that CB was... well... a Control Brain himself. It was best (especially with the Dib human nearby) that they not look too deeply into Zim's brilliant creation.
"You took some of our technology?" Lor looked a bit confused.
"Not really ' took ' we... ' adapted ' it." Skoodge patted the doctor on the hand trying to reassure him. "And Zim got it from Vort so really they stole it."
"This is all true." Zim affirmed the lie with the utmost confidence. "Blame Vort. They are just terrible about divulging the technological secrets of other races. They also have the universe's comfiest couch- in case you are looking to visit them for sweet revenge."
"That couch does sound nice." Lor nodded thoughtfully.
"I guess it would be more dramatic to show you what I saw..." Zeke shrugged. "And writing your reactions from my perspective would really draw in more readers. Think about it," He continued talking as CB began to open his PAK, "Zeke watches as the Tallests see the current state of Irk. A single tear drips from Purple's eye as he realizes how they failed."
"We didn't fail !" Voel spat at the same time Therron shouted: "I'm not CRYING !"
All at once, everyone fell silent as the room illuminated with a beautiful, three-dimensional projection of the capitol city of Irk. Zim recognized it instantly. The looming buildings, the screens and news tickers floating on every corner. Like with Tenn's memories. CB had implanted a weird... make-shift Zeke-doll to orient the image. As he saw the dark sky overhead, the twinkling lights in the buildings that rose high into the night... Zim felt homesick.
It had been far too long since he had seen Irk proper.
" Emergency! Emergency! Emergency !" All at once the little news tickers changed their crawl to red, blinking letters. Panic swept through the crowd of Irkens walking through the city. Like a well-oiled machine, all heads turned to look at the screens as the anchor flickered out of view and was replaced by... Sym?
Yuck.
"Citizens of Irk. I am Sym, Secretary of Agenda for Tallests Red and Purple. News has just come to us that the Syndicate has murdered our beloved leaders." The gasp that swept through the streets was audible. Zim heard several Irkens cry out. Sym looked genuinely upset as well, which was a little odd considering that Zim had assumed she had no soul. "We have video of the incident in question. Please deactivate the video feed for the smeetery as this imagery can be disturbing."
The image flickered to the control room of the Massive. Captain Rose was standing there: "I am Captain Rose of the G.S.T. Nova. You have violated a treaty between the Syndicate and the Empire." Zim blinked, he recalled these sentences not having been consecutive.
The screen flickered to Therron, reeling back. "You brought a parasite!?" Q was before him in his corrupted, Irken form the unblinking, seven red eyes boring into the camera as if knowing it was there. The dialogue was being taken all out of order.
"We've been allied since Tallest Miyuki..." Voel was speaking now. "No..." They were focused solely on Voel. "No that doesn't make sense... They wanted a fight. They killed Tenn." Everyone turned and looked at the real Voel who was standing very quietly toward the back.
"I didn't say that! This is from when I was talking to the Control Brain! They're cutting up everything to make it sound bad!"
"That would mean war..." Virtual Voel continued, looking rather concerned.
"Voel!" It suddenly cut to Therron looking horrified as Voel was on the ground. The real Voel winced and Zim realized that this must have been when the Control Brains tried to kill him. The video feed went dead and in the subsequent silence, Zim could hear the sounds of Irkens sobbing out loud. He had not felt such fear and sadness in the people of Irk since Tallest Miyuki's untimely demise. Spork, of course, was sad too- however- he had not had a long reign.
"No no, they fucked with that footage- they're trying to frame the Syndicate!" Voel looked nearly panicked as he saw the reaction of the crowd. "W- we're not DEAD!" The screens on Irk lit back up and Sym was back in focus.
"We know it was painful to witness..." Her voice shook. "However, people of Irk, you must not lose hope. I bring you, our Tallests-Rising." The screen shifted and Sym was accompanied by... Zim blinked. The weird door guards? "Introducing your future Tallests: Xia and Vero!" And with that the feed was cut off. Voel grabbed Zeke, nearly jerking his PAK off with the force of disconnecting him from the wires that allowed for the display to be projected.
"XIA AND VERO!? ARE YOU SHITTING ME!?" He slammed Zeke into a wall. "They probably launched the War Protocol instantly."
"Calm down ya fucking giant." Zeke pulled at Voel's hands trying to dislodge them from his uniform. "When I left, those two were still in training. Technically, until they finish, there is no 'official' Tallest for Irk." The look of relief that washed over Voel's face was surprising, as he let Zeke drop to the ground, taking a deep breath.
"How long do we have till they're out of training?" Zim recalled that Voel and Therron had taken quite a bit of time in their training. It had been a long time since they had been given the title, and the memories were jumbled with other- more important memories- such as all the lyrics to the Bloaty's Pizza Hog jingle... however, Zim recalled it being a lot of training.
"That I'm not sure. I left quick to follow my hunch about you two still being alive." Zeke replied with a shrug. "So, I'm not sure how that turned out."
"We're dead, the planet's ready to declare war, they're in a political power vacuum and you... leave ?" Voel gave the reporter a completely flabbergasted look.
"I had to follow my lead. A good story is one about the Rising Tallests and their possible war plans. A better story is one where I prove that not only are you both alive- but the Syndicate was framed." He tapped the side of his head with a confident expression. "You may be tall, but you have no nose for news."
"Well can't you just download the updated information? We're all cut off from the Collective, so it's out of the question. But you..."
" He is disconnected as well ." Voel slowly turned to look at CB.
"How did you know-"
"Why are you disconnected!?" Therron cut off Voel's thoughts and Zim sighed a very soft little sigh of relief.
"Because Irkens are going missing? Our Tallests were "murdered"? The Syndicate of all Organizations is the one accused of doing it? I may not be an Invader but I don't think there are Syndicate Assassins, and if there were- the paperwork for political murders would be far more trouble than it would be worth to just end an alliance with Irk. This is all some crazy conspiracy-level coincidence. I disconnected myself before I go missing too. Ya know?"
"So you know nothing." Zim tilted his head to one side.
"Nothing? Were you listening?" Zeke looked offended. Zim had been listening, but only because Zeke spoke at a very understandable volume unlike every other Irken who just mumbled unless they were upset. (Skoodge had been easier to hear recently, though. Perhaps living with Zim had broken him of his mumbling obsession).
"Yes. But you started sounding crazy so I was tuning you out."
"I know that I have one hell of a story!" Zeke clapped his hands together. "This is going to be more popular than: Tallest Miyuki was an Inside Job!"
"But we have no idea what is happening back at home." Tenn replied pointedly.
"Nah I got an Irken on the inside. Been leaking me information for years." Zeke replied confidently.
Therron scoffed. "Three smallers in a trenchcoat?"
"I'm not telling." Zeke turned his whole body away from Therron to look at Zim. "Thing is, Zim, signals to Irk are down, as I'm sure you've guessed. But with this sweet set up you have; I might be able to open up some kind of communication line to let our masses know our Tallests aren't dead." Zim narrowed his eyes, not liking the direction this was headed.
"So you want to stay in my house."
"Yes."
"Fine." Zim sighed. "But this is just another mouth for Zim to feed with Dib's credit card."
Dib, who had been very quiet for the entire exchange, finally spoke up. "I'm sorry; what the fuck did you just say?"
Way shorter chapter this week but it is so chock-full of plot information I hope it is enough to keep you going till next week! The plot thickens!
