First……I'll proceed to manically huggle everyone who reviewed my previous chapter to death! Mwahahahahaha!...Ok, now that I've got that over with, here's chapter 2...here's a hint: I like reviews ;)
The next morning was bright and cheerful. Ed, being the cheery morning person he was, grumbled and snuggled deeper into his cocoon of warm blankets. He sighed in comfort. He loved drowsy mornings when it seemed so slow and lazy, so peaceful and quiet, so serene, so-
"NII-SAN! WAKE UP! WAKE UP NOOOWWWW!"
…And people thought his little brother was a sweet, polite, lovable, undemanding little dear……sighs……
Al had to threaten Ed on the pain of murder, torture, humiliation, execution and singing (don't ask) before Ed finally consented to get up and stumble ungracefully into the bathroom. No military officers would have problems with negotiations if they had Edward Elric for a brother.
"Ah, Fullmetal, right on time," Mustang greeted Ed as the young boy stomped moodily out of the inn.
"Whatever, lets get this over with, bastard," Ed muttered, shoving his hands into his pockets.
"Good morning, colonel," Al smiled apologetically. He turned to his brother and said, "Well, nii-san. Good luck! I'm off the –uh- Kitty Convention."
"Goodbye Al. Enjoy your pleasant day knowing how much misery I'm about to go through because of you," Ed said with a large, fake, overly sugary smile.
"Eheh, I'll remember," Al sweat dropped. He gazed beseechingly at his brother and mouthed, "Behave,"
Ed merely stuck out his tongue, which was not at all very reassuring. As he walked away, Al felt very thankful he wasn't going to be with the colonel and his brother today.
"Shall we go my young apprentice?" Mustang said with a mock bow.
Ed glared and pointedly walked pass him. Mustang caught up with him easily, having longer legs and all.
"Now, remember. The first thing you've got to know is women are suckers for flattery. Some try not to show it, few are totally unaffected, a lot of them pretend to be cool and calm but most of them blush shyly, provided you lay it in the correct amount of flattery and warmth,"
Ed nodded skeptically; quite certain Winry was one of the few who were not affected.
"Be careful not to lay it on too thickly or even the most innocent ones are bound to get suspicious. This theory has been tested and proven by a certain Jean Havoc," Mustang continued, with a touch of smugness.
Ah, so that was where Havoc was getting those black eyes, Ed concluded. He felt a touch of sympathy for the older man.
"Take this young lady here for example," Mustang nodded towards the direction of a pretty young girl. Suavely, he walked towards her. The girl looked up at him and blushed slightly. Mustang always had that unfair effect on women.
"Hey, baby. If I could set the alphabets I would've put the U and the I together," Mustang said, smoothly, with a charming smirk.
Ed was silently gagging as he watched this little episode. Ergh, even he thought that line was beyond corny and he was only a novice! Kick him! Ed silently cheered for the girl. Slap him! Hit him! Karate chop him! Knee him! Do whatever you want, just inflict immense pain on that womanizing bastard!
To Ed's surprise, the girl blushed even more and smiled shyly.
"I suppose a sweet girl like you won't mind having dinner with pathetic old me tonight?" Mustang mercilessly went on. The girl's eyes widened and she nodded shyly but eagerly.
"Good, pick you up at 7," Mustang called to her as she walked pass. "Take as long as you want to get ready. I don't mind waiting. The results would definitely be worth it."
The girl promptly walked into a lamp post.
Ed gaped, open mouthed. That corny, clichéd, shudder-inducing line actually worked? His opinion of the female IQ dropped considerably.
"Now you try it," Mustang said with a satisfied smirk.
Ed drew in a deep breath and strode purposefully towards a red haired girl sitting on a bench. The girl raised her eyebrows and asked uncertainly, "Um, may I help you?"
"If-If-If," Ed gulped, face flushing "If umm…..if," Mustang groaned into his hands. It was painful to even watch this.
"-IF I COULD SET THE ORGANIZATION OF THE HUMAN BODY I WOULD HAVE PUT YOUR HEART AND MY NERVOUS SYSTEM TOGETHER!"
Many painful minutes later, Mustang suppressed a snicker and tried to look sympathetic for his subordinate who was lying on the ground, rubbing the Mt. Everest on his head.
"Tsk, tsk. The Fullmetal alchemist, beaten senseless to the ground by a female armed with nothing but a handbag," smirked the colonel "Be sure to add that into your record."
"The handbag was made out of friggin' crocodile skin, you moron," Ed glared murderously at the oh-so-sympathetic colonel.
"Ah well, since the flattering tactic won't work on you, let's move on to another strategy," Mustang suggested, quickly changing the subject "Unlike flattering, the use of the brain and imagination, which you notably lack, is not required in this particular strategy."
"Stuff it, bastard," Ed growled.
"Any experienced person in this field would note the one thing most women are powerless against is," Mustang paused for dramatic effect "Cuteness."
"Wha-?" Ed blinked.
"Cuteness!" Mustang growled, exasperated "You know, kawainess, adorableness, sweet, endearing. Am I going too fast for your intellectually challenged mind?"
"What has cuteness got to do with anything?" Ed asked, still looking blank.
"Well, my dear, naïve pupil, if women have one weakness, it's the fearsome power of cuteness," Mustang nodded wisely.
"So? Does this mean you dress up in a bunny suit or something whenever you ask a girl out?"
"No. The men aren't the ones supposed to look cute," Mustang explained, with strained patience.
"Then who or what is supposed to be cute?" Ed demanded, clearly still confused and not very happy about it.
Mustang sighed, "Must I spell everything out for you?"
Ed's answer was merely a glare.
"Fine, women in general are suckers for anything remotely cute," Mustang explained "Like little kids, kittens, puppies, and doggies."
You got that right, Ed thought darkly as he was reminded of a certain 'evil, manipulative, lecherous' dog.
"Now, to demonstrate," Mustang dragged Ed towards another lady who was buying some gossip magazine.
"Good morning, ma'am," Mustang grinned. The woman merely smiled politely back. She obviously wasn't as naïve as the other girl Mustang was going to date that night.
"Say hi, Eddie," Mustang patted Ed fondly on the back. Ed glared at him and was about to open his mouth to scream when Mustang cut him off.
"He's my ten year old nephew," Mustang explained to the woman "His parents are living abroad so this little mite is living here with me."
What? Ten! Ed was going red from rage as he clenched his fist.
"Awww, he's so cute!" exclaimed the woman, patting Ed's burning face fondly "Such rosy cheeks! And look at that adorable pout! He's so endearing! You must be so proud of him."
The women bent down and engulfed Ed in a suffocating hug. The boy squirmed uncomfortably in her grasp.
"Aww, the sweet lad's shy," the woman smiled, ruffling his golden hair "He's ten? He's rather short for his age, isn't he?"
Mustang coughed as he hid his wide smirk. Ed was rapidly working up a rant. Noticing this, Mustang quickly engaged to woman into conversation.
"You like little kids?" Mustang asked.
"Oh yes!" she answered, brightly "I'm a kindergarten teacher, you see."
"I knew it! Kindergarten teachers always have this certain sweet, lovely smile," Mustang replied, suavely "You, of course, are an understatement of this."
The woman blushed slightly and smiled, "You joke a lot, Mr-?"
"Mustang," answered the colonel, grinning charmingly "You can just call me Roy, of course, no need to be formal. May I know your name, miss? I always make a point to know the name of a sweet face like yours."
Ed noticed the woman was slowly letting her guard down. He won't allow that pervert to score again! He grinned evilly and adorably shuffled to Mustang's side. Ed tugged at Mustang's sleeve and pouted in a way that would make even Scar go "awwwwww".
Ed used his best cute-little-boy voice and whined, "Grandpa, how much longer are we gonna stay here? Mommy said you promised to take me out for a sundae. I'm hungry, grandpa!"
The woman stared at Mustang in horror. She turned to Ed shakily asked, "What do you mean 'grandpa'? Isn't he your uncle, sweetie?"
Ed blinked his determinedly wide and innocent eyes and answered in the same high, little-boy voice, "Grandpa always tells young girls that I'm his nephew but he's actually just my old grandpa!"
The woman gaped and glared murderously at a bewildered and horrified Mustang.
"Grandpa's always talking to younger girls like you, ma'am!" Ed finished magnificently.
"But-But-But," stuttered Mustang, quivering visibly under the woman's glare.
"Oh right! I'm sorry, grandpa! I forgot you told me not to tell anyone you were my grandpa," Ed faked a childish, apologetic look. "I'm so sorry. Does this mean I don't get my sundae?"
"You-You-" the woman started quivering too "You nasty, old PERVERT! HOW- DARE- YOU- USE- YOUR- LITTLE- GRANDSON- TO- HIT- ON- YOUNG -GIRLS? YOU-YOU'RE A-A- DIRTY- OLD- MAN! USELESS- PERVERT!"
At each separate word, the woman punched the poor colonel hard in the face.
"Hmph!" the woman huffed and turned to stomp away. Mustang lay in a crumpled heap on the ground.
"Tsk, tsk. The Flame Alchemist, beaten senseless to the ground by a woman armed with nothing," Ed smirked, bending over the crumpled heap "Be sure to add that into your record."
Mustang couldn't even manage a glare. He sat up, shocked beyond belief. In the first time in his life…..he got rejected by a girl..…and punched nonetheless. Other than Hawkeye of course but she doesn't count. No man, not even Mustang, had dared to try the barest trace of flirting with her...except the ones who were drunk or plain stupid of course. They were never the same again…in fact; most of them became blond women phobic.
"Um, earth to the Bastard?" Ed waved a hand in front of Mustang's glazed face.
Mustang grabbed Ed's collar can screamed into his face, "I GOT FRICKIN' REJECTED!"
"Uh, yeah. You don't have to tell me. It was pretty obvious," Ed tried to shake the broken men off him.
"I GOT FRICKIN' REJECTED!" Mustang screamed again, rattling Ed until his teeth chattered.
"Yes, I know. The punch marks show up pretty clearly under a bright morning like this," Ed rolled his eyes.
"I.GOT.FRICKIN'.REJECTED!" Mustang was deaf to the outside world; trapped in his own little world of shock and dismay.
"I'm telling you, Hawkeye, I had nothing to do with this! I swear!" Ed tried to explain to a very annoyed Riza Hawkeye.
Due to intense shock, the colonel suffered a nervous breakdown and had to be carted off to the hospital for therapy and treatment.
A hospital attendant at the counter nervously interrupted, "Ano, I'm really sorry but we're kind of full. We only have an economy size room left. It'll be a bit small but-"
"No," Riza cut in firmly "The colonel gets nothing less than a suite."
Riza glared, daring the poor attendant to challenge her. The attendant squeaked, "I-I'll see what I can do. Maybe there are one or two patients checking out today."
"You see to that," Riza nodded, satisfied. She turned to Ed and frowned severely "The colonel was with no one but you when he landed into this condition. It is also a well known fact that you dislike the colonel almost as much as you dislike milk. Do you see the connection here?"
"Hey, just because I don't like to colonel doesn't mean I would get him into trouble like this!" argued Ed, insulted. Riza merely raised an eyebrow.
"Alright, I would," Ed grudgingly admitted "But that does not mean I had anything to do with this case!"
"So you just happened to be there when the colonel mysteriously suffered a nervous breakdown?" Riza demanded, coolly.
"Well, yeah!"
"And you have absolutely nothing to do with this?"
"Well, no- but what if I told you the colonel got hurt while he was busy hitting on girls?"
Riza narrowed her eyes. "You mean the reason why he demanded a sick leave today was so he could hit on girls?"
"Um, yeah?"
Riza abruptly turned to the hospital attendant who was frantically searching for an available suite for the colonel.
"On second thought, the economy size room would do just fine for the colonel," Riza said, in a dangerously pleasant tone "In fact, a broom closet would do even better."
The hospital attendant nodded shakily and squawked, "We'll find the biggest and most comfortable broom closet we have!"
"Oh no," Riza smirked "No need to go through all that trouble. Just find the smallest, dirtiest, most uncomfortable broom closet you have. It would suit the colonel just fine."
Ed shuddered. Hell hath no fury indeed….
"Ah, Edo! Al! You're back!" Winry greeted the two brothers eagerly, giving each of them a big hug, though Al slyly noticed that Ed's hug lasted four minutes longer than his and still counting.
"Nii-san, Winry-san, you can stop hugging now. The people outside are starting to point," Al grinned, amused.
Winry and Ed broke apart abruptly and flushed.
"Um, I-I'll go tell granny you're home," Winry mumbled before dashing away. Al could practically see smoke coming out of her ears.
"You must be pretty happy to be home, eh nii-san?" Al nudged his flushing brother.
Ed glared at him and pathetically mumbled "Shut up, Al."
"Ah well, you should've picked up a thing or two from the colonel so you should do fine," Al teased.
"Yeah: only try your corny lines with women who have IQs lower than 20," Ed snapped before collapsing grumpily onto the nearest couch.
Al laughed and said, "Well, I'll go ahead and unpack. Come up and help me after you decide to peel yourself off the couch."
"That won't be anytime soon," Ed yawned "You might as well do all the packing."
Al nodded before taking the suitcases upstairs. He planned to do the unpacking anyway as his brother's idea of unpacking was to shove as many articles of clothing into the wardrobe as possible.
Ed slowly dozed off and was awaken by the sound of tinkling laughter. He cracked open a golden eye and saw Winry cuddling with Den on the rug again. He scowled darkly.
"You might as well marry that damn dog," he snapped at a surprised Winry.
Winry frowned, "What on earth do you mean?"
"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all!" Ed burst out childishly "Continue your sentimental bonding session with that dog."
"That dog has a name, Ed," Winry shot Ed a dirty look.
"That's right! Defend that flea-ridden mutt," sneered Ed in disgust.
"What's wrong with you? Why are you suddenly so mean to Den?" Winry demanded with hands placed firmly on her hips.
"Just look at that dog! He's just using you, Winry! I mean, you treat that bloody dog as if he were some handsome, brawny prince or something!"
"You're being ridiculous!" Winry flared up "I treat Den for what he is: A loyal, trustworthy best friend!"
"I'm also your 'loyal, trustworthy best friend' but do you treat me how you treat that lecherous mutt? NO!" Ed argued; face flushed in anger.
"Why you-" Winry suddenly paused, comprehension dawning at last. She smirked, "Ed? Are you jealous of my relationship with Den?"
Ed blushed wildly and flailed his arms in all directions and screamed, "OF COURSE NOT! WHAT ON EARTH GIVES YOU THAT UTTERLY, UTTERLY UNTRUE IDEA?"
"Oh nothing" Winry smirked even more as she watched Ed go from pink to red to maroon to purple.
"I AM NOT J-" Ed began but was rather nicely interrupted by Winry planting a soft kiss on his lips.
Ed gaped at a triumphant Winry and tried to find the correct words to express his feelings. But as he stared into Winry's soft blue eyes he knew she understood anyway.
Winry smiled softly and snuggled her head into Ed's shoulder. Ed stiffened at first but gradually relaxed. After all, it did feel quite nice and comfortable like that.
Over Winry's shoulder, Ed could see Den staring at both of them. Ed childishly stuck out his tongue at the dog and smugly thought, "Hah! I win this round, you lecherous flea magnet."
Ed could have sworn he saw Den wink at him.
…………………………………………………………………………………..
"So your brother and Winry finally got together?" a completely cured Roy Mustang smirked.
"Yes, colonel," Al replied, smiling amusedly. He had once again snuck off to the colonel's office without telling his brother.
"Good, good. I thought he'd never make it," Mustang grinned "This is all my doing, I presume?"
Al inwardly rolled his eyes but he was spared the prospects of answering when Riza Hawkeye entered the office with a fresh stack of paperwork for the colonel with a certain young pup prancing near around her legs.
"Good morning, First Lieutenant Hawkeye," Al greeted, always to polite one "Isn't that Black Hayate?"
"Yes, it is," Riza smiled a rare, fond smile at the pup. He dashed eagerly towards Al who petted him on the head "He wasn't feeling well this morning so I didn't feel like leaving him alone at home."
"Your paperwork, colonel," Riza dumped the stack onto the new, metal desk; the military treasurer got tired of buying new desks for the colonel over and over again.
"Come on, Black Hayate-gou," Riza called. The pup happily jumped into Riza's open arms. She picked up the pup and walked towards the door.
Black Hayate licked his mistress's face lovingly and Riza's usually steely eyes softened as she affectionately cuddled him closer and lovingly stroked his soft, downy fur.
Mustang grumbled darkly, "You know what, Alphonse? Dogs are evil."
