When Skoodge had been asked, by Voel himself, to help train the Irken newcomers in the ways of combat, he had actually been flattered. It was the first time that Skoodge had felt respected by his leaders. It had been a big move for Voel to ask anything of him, especially something like this. Skoodge was supposed to help train combat and fighting techniques, while Tenn would handle marksmanship, and while Zim would help in weapons. He didn't know quite what to expect. These were cooks, cleaners, lawyers, retail workers, and journalists. They had never seen combat (well the fast-food Irkens at Sloogorgh's might have seen something similar during the foodening) but it wasn't real combat with other races. Still he was top of his class for a reason. He knew his job and he knew what it took to try and do it well. What he did not know, however, was how truly and completely terrible all these Irkens would be in the field.

"Dav don't apologize to Sizz-Lorr! You are supposed to be fighting in mortal combat!"

"B-but he's my boss!" Dav squeaked, antennae going straight up as he was called out.

"Yes but remember what we are doing? We are pretending..." Skoodge trailed off allowing Dav a chance to finish for him.

"Pretending... that he is an enemy Irken...?" It was almost a question the way Dav's voice inflection shifted upward at the end and his head tilted to the side, squinting at Skoodge as if he had just grown a second head.

"Right. And if this were the throws of battle and Sizz-Lorr was a brainwashed Elite under the control of the Control Brains, would you take the time to formally apologize between every hit?" Skoodge pressed.

"Yes?" Dav asked hesitantly.

"No!" Skoodge threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. "NO!" He pinched the area of skin between his eyes feeling a bit of his already dwindling hope in the plan dissipate like water on a hot day, or like a human female's romantic interest in the Membrane Clone after hearing him talk. Dav looked between Sizz-Lorr and Skoodge clearly distraught.

"But that is customer service 101! Always apologize especially when it wasn't actually your fault!"

"Mothra be praised," Skoodge took a deep breath, "Dav this isn't customer service. It's war, man." He placed a hand on Dav's shoulder, sounding defeated.

"To be fair, on Foodcourtia, those are very similar." Sizz-Lorr interjected. Skoodge shook his head.

"Okay, Dav, you need to tap into your anger. You need to harness your inner warrior. You're Irken, for Mothra's sake. Aren't you?"

"Yes?" Dav blinked.

"Okay then," Skoodge would need to change his tactics, try talking to Dav on his own level, "act like I am a rude critic lying about your food on all of my reviews."

"That's horrible!"

"It is horrible, so now what will you do?" Skoodge was actually shorter than Dav, so perhaps it would be easier for the fast food Irken to use aggression with him versus the taller Sizz-Lorr.

"I will march up to you and ask you to stop!"

"Okay," Skoodge took an aggressive stance of his own, invading Dav's space, lifting himself on his PAK legs to get into Dav's face. "And what if I don't want to stop!"

"Then I will write a very sternly worded letter to your supervisor and they will not like what I have to say!" Dav was letting Skoodge take the dominant position, despite being on the taller side for an Irken, Dav was incredibly passive. It was a little strange, to be honest. This wasn't even difficult military tactics; this was basic training and should have been downloaded into his PAK already. Yes they were all cut from the Collective, but that just stopped a flow of new information and should have had no effect on information already downloaded.

"N... no." Skoodge sighed. "You two keep... keep sparring, I am going to see how the others are doing." He turned, seeing Tenn working with a group of lawyer Irkens at the shooting range, and Zim ranting to the journalist Irkens while they vigorously took notes. Zeke was filming the whole thing excitedly. Skoodge watched the fast-food Irkens stumble over each other for a bit longer before seeking out Voel and Therron. This was supposed to be their war, Rodamnit, he was not about to deal with the brunt himself. He ventured deeper into the Syndicate base. Out of habit, he dodged around the security cameras, skirting the walls, moving from blind spot to blind spot. The movements came naturally to him. He happened, at last, upon Captain Rose who was currently beating the shit out of her human cadet. Dib held up his hand and she stopped.

"Take five. I gotta sit for a second." He pleaded, hunched over on the ground. The Captain knelt down, helping him to his feet.

"Your reflexes still need work, but your resilient, I'll give you that."

"You are really fast." Dib wheezed, getting to his feet with a visible wince.

"You think I'm tough? Try fighting Carrius in hand to hand or bladed weapon combat, the guy is a beast." She mused. "Why don't you head to med bay and see if you can get patched up? I will check up on you in a few."

"Sounds like a plan." As Dib started limping away, the Captain called out to him.

"And please remember that Lor is working right now? I don't want a repeat of what happened last time." Her eyes narrowed and Dib's face turned an interesting shade of red.

"Hey don't blame me! Paul was supposed to-"

"It's pronounced Pawl."

"Forget it!" Flustered, the Membrane Clone stormed off in quite a hurry despite his injuries.

"That training seems to be going well." As Skoodge spoke, the Captain let out a cry, whirling around and nearly blasting the Irken in the face with her pistol.

"Sweet All-Mother, how in the fuck are you so sneaky!?" The Captain placed a hand over the location of her primary, cardiac organ, which for her species was in the middle of her chest.

"It's my job to be sneaky. I was an Invader, after all." Skoodge had been shot at many times by far worse than a Syndicate Captain so he didn't bat an eye. "Have you seen Voel?"

"He and Therron were in the navigation chambers. They are probably still there. Q was uh... helping them out I believe. " She gave a knowing look to the robust Irken who nodded.

"So expect good moods all around. " Skoodge made a face. "Fan-fucking-tastic." Q had to be getting some sort of chaotic enjoyment out if the misery of the Tallests. Skoodge suspected the reasoning was some sort of revenge on Voel for his injury. It was unusual for a Parasite to stick around this long in one location, they were typically fickle creatures. Though, the Irken logs had them as being non-intelligent and that seemed to be a straight up lie, so Skoodge was beginning to doubt the veracity of Irken intelligence.

Skoodge entered the Syndicate Navigation Chambers to find Voel looking over a map of Irk's home galaxy and Therron hitting Q (who was hanging off of the ceiling like an Earth-bat) with a broom. It was the first time in recent memory that Skoodge had ever recalled seeing Therron actually use a broom, even if it was not for its intended purpose.

"Therron leave him alone." Voel looked tried as he didn't bother turning to face the commotion behind him. "You're just bothering me at this point."

"All I did was offer my services," Q still had that translation device on his neck, and the cool, smooth voice was making Therron more agitated.

"Stop with the sexy speak!" Therron managed to almost get a hit on Q, but the Parasite, head caved inward, causing the broom to fall just short of its intended target. "You're weirdly sultry voice is a distraction!"

"You like it~" Q purred back.

"I don't even think you like it." Voel spoke up, eyes never leaving the map. "You are just doing it because it bothers Therron." Q melted into a pile of liquid flesh, dripping down off the ceiling, getting bits of himself on Therron's broom before the pile splattered on the floor, pulling itself together into the humanoid form if Q lying on his stomach, resting a cheek on his hand, grin bisecting his face.

"You wound me, Tallest Red, and after I so selflessly offered my services to you for combat training. "

"Combat training?" Red made a motion as if to roll his eyes. "Q, you would slaughter them. They're civilians."

"I would slaughter them for educational purposes. "

"Uh huh." Voel seemed unconvinced of Q's alleged good intentions.

"Hey Voel, about training..." Skoodge spoke up and Therron let out a loud cry, reeling back as if he had been slapped across his face.

"How long have you been standing there!?" Therron demanded angrily. Skoodge shrugged.

"Not long."

"Well announce yourself next time and ask if there is anything you can do for me because I have an empty drink that needs refilling!" Therron waved a fruity smelling cup in Skoodge's face.

"Ask Tak to get it for you."

"I can't!" Therron sighed dramatically. "Don't you think I've tried!? But no! Voel has her getting specs for Syndicate ships. Which is NOT more important than my drink, Voel!"

"Yes it is." Voel retorted without missing a beat. "Tak is a good pilot, she knows Syndicate technology, she needs to find the best ship to get us back to Irk when the time comes."

"Ugh, fine." Therron huffed. "Then it falls back on you, Skoodge."

"Skoodge is busy too." Voel's reply caught Skoodge a bit off guard. "He is training our army; he is one of our generals now." Voel had never once stood up for him before. "General Skoodge, what have you to report?" Voel turned to face him. Skoodge shook off the feeling of surprise and straightened his posture into a proper Irken salute.

... General Skoodge...

It had a nice ring to it.

"Maybe he is finally quitting this disaster. " Q suggested, looking lazily up at the group.

"I think the human is in the med bay getting patched up after the Captain beat him up. He probably took a hit to his ego, why not feed on his misery and actually gain sustenance?" Skoodge gestured to the door. Q perked up.

"Ooooh, That does sound promising." Q slithered passed Skoodge and out of the door. Figures he couldn't miss a meal. Now, Dib could be bothered for a few hours instead of the ex-Tallests and the other Irkens. Skoodge sighed, composing himself before he started.

"Sir, I know you want these Irkens to be a military, and I know your expectations weren't high, but... I think maybe your expectations should be zero. "

"That isn't good news Skoodge. " Voel narrowed his eyes. "Go back out and try that again, I want good news."

"The good news is that maybe we'll die quickly." Skoodge gave him a double thumbs up. Voel looked unamused by the forced enthusiasm. "Look I know you want an army but these Irkens are just... just terrible. The worst hit I have taken was a blow to my ego from one of the journalist Irkens saying the camera may have subtracted ten pounds in my case. I mean they are actually, unfathomably bad. I can't even get them to properly execute basic training."

"That's impossible. " Voel crossed his arms over his chest. "Every Irken had to go through basic training. It was mandatory."

"I am telling you, they have no combat skill whatsoever." Skoodge insisted.

"That doesn't make sense!" Voel reiterated his point. "All Irkens serve five years of basic training. It was the law. It's not like anyone could..." he looked at Therron, slowly. "You didn't... you couldn't... it takes two signatures to un-make a law. You would have needed me to agree!" There was a long moment of silence as Voel glared down Therron who was sitting against a back wall, as far away from them as he could get. Finally, Therron begrudgingly caved.

"Ugh, I hid it in the Probing Day reports you signed off on." Voel was livid, Skoodge could see the anger glinting in his eyes.

"You UNDID the MILITARY MANDATE!?"

"I knew you never read those reports all the way through."

"Therron! What the ABSOLUTE FUCK!?"

"First of all, after Spork, there was actually a work deficit and we needed to shunt the work force through more quickly for civilian jobs, but also you know it is just a long time and that really good waiter at Floogian's was about to go into his military mandate..."

"Is this about Gil the waiter!?"

"He was a good waiter, Voel!"

"He was a terrible waiter! He was just tall and told you that you looked nice every time we went! He never even got our orders right!"

"You know sometimes being a waiter is less about the food and more about the experience. "

"It is entirely about the food- Therron this isn't the fucking point- you took away military training and so now every one of these younger civilians is completely new to the idea of fighting and we are going up against the Mothra-damned Elites!" Voel spun around his heel, pacing back and forth, speaking a string of Irken swears that Skoodge was not ready to translate after such a horrendous day.

"There's a lot of yelling in here," Zim poked his head in the door. He must have given up on or simply forgotten about his own group of trainees. "Zim wishes to yell too!"

"Great!" Voel didn't sound like this was actually great. "So now two of our Generals have wandered in here. Zim I don't suppose you have good news?"

"Ha!" Zim laughed, puffing out his chest proudly. "Of course Zim has great news! I have successfully taught the journalist Irkens to catch GIR!"

"Is... that something they needed to know how to do?" Voel looked a tad disheartened.

"I suppose it could help with general reflexes," Skoodge patted Zim on the arm. "Good work."

"Yes, I am truly amazing. I know. But even in all of my greatness, I have a few concerns I would like to bring up."

"Ah yes, please do," Voel gestured in front of himself, "my day can't possibly get worse."

"Voel you have us training an army, I see, a very bad, pitiful, weak army." Zim began, Voel sighed heavily.

"Yes that does seem to be the case because Therron apparently got rid of our military mandate. Sizz-Lorr and Zeke probably are old enough to have basic training but these younger generations..." Voel trailed off, massaging the sides of his head. It was true, Sizz-Lorr and Zeke seemed to be much older Irkens than even Skoodge or the Tallests.

"Yes well an army isn't really what we need, is it? We were all Elites once, even Therron for some reason." Zim continued, unabashed by Voel's annoyance at Therron. "We have seen the ground troops of Irk. Fighting them with what we have will be a disaster." Zim had seen the problem too, and that was saying something. As smart as Zim was, he often overlooked glaring logical flaws in favor of crazy schemes. It was part of what made Zim so fun- and also what made him a terrible Invader.

"Yeah, I got that from Skoodge's lovely: 'we are going to die quickly' speech." Voel replied dryly.

"Yes well, we are going about this all wrong." Zim replied as-a-matter-a-factly. "We are thinking about this from the perspective of soldiers. You are thinking like the Tallests: justified wrath searing through your veins like a marching band of rabid weasels. You do as the weasels command. But you must ignore their weasely wrath! We need to think about this differently. This isn't a war."

"Well it isn't going to be one until the Syndicate decide to fully commit and give us a military backing." Skoodge nearly smirked at the idea.

"We don't have time to wait for all the red tape the Syndicate puts down to clear out of the way. You think they can declare war in a timely manner? They take two years to put up a water fountain." Skoodge pointed out, recalling the exact incident in question as he had heard Tak complaining to Captain Fluorine about it at dinner one night. Apparently, things had not gone quickly enough for her, or anyone else.

"All right then, what are you suggesting?" Voel looked down at the two smaller Irkens, Skoodge was surprised by how serious he was coming across. A part of Skoodge was suspicious that all of Voel's niceties and trust had been for show, but it seemed like he was genuinely interested in their advice. Zim took a deep breath as he went to the galaxy hologram Voel had been looking into, and pulled Irk from the array of planets. He blew up the image, large enough to make a point, and drew the single circular emblem for the Invader in the center-

"We are Invaders, Voel, we have to do what we are best at."

"Invade Irk!? Are you defective!?" Voel withdrew a bit, staring at Zim's little drawing as if it had leaped out of the hologram and slapped him across his face. "We can't Invade our home planet! Even Skoodge and Tenn couldn't pull a stunt like that. It's insane."

"They'll be looking for us too," surprisingly, Therron spoke up, "blending in is key to invasion and our best Invaders are wanted a criminal and dead."

"I'm surprised you know that," Voel narrowed his eyes at Therron, looking him up and down with a judgmental sort of disapproval.

"Hey I know stuff!" Therron retorted indignantly. "Who do you think had to make light of all the Invasion techniques when we were being grilled by dignitaries? I talked our way out of so many tight spots!"

"Look the point is we don't have the Irkens for a large-scale invasion. Maybe we have enough for like, a small catering operation, but that's it." Voel ignored Therron's protests.

"Ah, I miss catering." Therron sighed wistfully.

"Well yes, it is true that Therron being terrible has put us in a bind," Zim began. Therron quickly cut him off.

"HEY!"

"But right now, his terribleness isn't the point." Zim continued, not seeming to have heard Therron's protest. "We have two top Invaders. Here. Myself and Skoodge. Three if you count Tenn. Back to two if you count Tak." He lowered his voice to a whisper that was still a bit of a shout. "Tak really is that terrible." He returned to his normal speaking volume. "We could copy the coding basics into the other Irkens... 'sort of' " he made little quotation marks with his fingers "recoding them if you will. They won't be great Invaders and they'll still need a lot of practice and a strong battle plan, but it will be much easier."

"Great plan and all, and by that I mean it's stupid," Therron scoffed, "because we don't even have a Control Brain so we can't do major PAK coding, you dumbass."

"Well... hmm..." Voel's reaction surprised Skoodge as the fallen leader cleared his throat looking uncomfortable. Skoodge had long ago figured out the secret meaning in CB's name but he was under the impression that outside of Zim himself, he was the only one who knew. But Voel's roundabout reaction gave him reason to question if he had figured it out as well. "Zim I'm not so sure we should be putting a job that big on CB. He is awfully young, isn't he?"

So he did know.

"Why would Zim's home security system be able to recode our PAKs?" Therron was getting visibly upset by the revelation as Skoodge saw him putting the pieces together. "That would make him a..." Therron whirled around to face Zim. "That faceless abomination you pieced together from scraps is a fucking Control Brain!? Zim, that's creepy- even for you it- i-it's disturbing." He seemed legitimately upset, which was rarer than one might think.

"It's... not as bad as you think..." Voel was hesitant, and Skoodge could understand why. (What he couldn't understand was why Voel was at all lenient toward CB. Was his relationship in the past with Zim still clouding his judgement? No... Voel had shown on multiple occasions he was able to put his mission before all else- it must be something else.) "I mean... CB isn't... as bad... I don't think..." There was a lot of uncertainty, but, honestly. It was more than Skoodge expected.

"The Control Brains tried to kill us Voel! They almost succeeded with you! If I hadn't-" Therron was very rarely one to be so passionate about a serious matter. It seemed the Control Brains had left a lasting scar, perhaps not a physical one, but they had left their mark.

"I know what you did, Therron, and thank you." Voel was very calm, genuine in his gratitude toward his peer. "Your quick thinking saved us both. But you can't deny that CB also played a role in our rescue. I've spoken with him... he's not... like them. If anything,..." there was the slightest hint of a smile on Voel's lips, "he's more like Zim."

"Voel that's worse." Therron looked flabbergasted by what was transpiring before his very ocular implants.

"No, I have some concerns as well." Mothra be praise, Skoodge never thought he would be siding with Therron.

"Skoodge!" Zim looked annoyed. "You know CB! You trust him!"

"Not entirely..." Skoodge took a deep breath. "I mean Zim, he took over my PAK that one time I yelled at you. He literally controlled my body without any hesitation. That was a major invasion of my privacy." Skoodge had not forgotten that incident- the feeling of his body moving on its own- freezing up as if all his muscles and bones had turned to stone like the old Irken legend of the stone beast in the sea. That helpless feeling had stuck with him.

"Yeah he invaded your privacy but that just makes him a good Invader." Zim tried to shrug off Skoodge's very valid complaint.

"Don't be cute with me Zim; you know what I'm talking about." Skoodge wasn't going to let him play dumb. Zim was smarter than anyone gave him credit for- his way of thinking was just different (bordering at times on un-Irken).

"He was learning. We talked about seizing control of Irkens just because you're scared and how it isn't okay. He's young. He's going to mess up. I mean come on, GIR is older than CB and he still tries to eat the house plants!" Zim insisted.

"Exactly one reason why we shouldn't be gearing up and ready to let him into the PAKs of our already tiny Rebellion. I mean, I'm always a little nervous that he will do something without us giving him instructions. He acts independently a lot and that is actually pretty concerning." It wasn't like Skoodge didn't trust Zim- he did- but Zim wasn't flawless. Zim made mistakes all the time. And sometimes those mistakes had massive consequences.

"Yes, but I made him that way." It was the first time Skoodge had heard Zim admit to CB's free will and how it was apparently intentional. Usually, Zim was content to wave off the behavior with a joke or by playing dumb.

"That doesn't make the behavior acceptable, Zim. You have to keep in mind where you got the parts for CB." That was his biggest issue ever since he had figured it out. It was long ago in Earth's history, but the events caused by a computer had nearly wiped out the human race. The Membranes were currently one of the only technology-based companies that was even daring to traverse into artificial intelligence. And judging from Dib's general paranoia, it was doubtful the clone completely supported the choices of his father.

"From my lab, and from my house." Again, Zim skirted the issue. Skoodge's eyes narrowed. It had to be said. If they were going to let CB play the role of a Control Brain, then even Therron needed all the facts about his origin.

"And where else Zim?" Skoodge pressed.

"My... ship..."

"And where else Zim?"

"I..."

"Where else Zim!?" That... had not been Skoodge. All at once the four Irkens turned to see Dib in the doorway, dragging Q by the collar. (Q must have allowed this, because there was no way on Irk that Dib was able to fight the Parasite). Skoodge had never seen such rage in the human's face, the brown eyes glistening behind the primitive ocular implants as if tears were forming.

"I think you're getting the wrong idea about all of this!" Zim very quickly tried to cover for himself. Seeing the hurt and betrayal plastered all over Dib's face seemed to have caused Zim a great deal of distress. It was hard for Zim to admit, but Skoodge knew this human was Zim's only friend for quite some time. He was important to the former Invader- more so than many of the others here (and certainly more so than Therron).

"Then tell me- tell me you didn't use any parts from that computer that tried to murder all of the humans on Earth." Dib was standing tall, he had tossed Q to the side who was floating in the doorway, sitting cross-legged, watching everything play out.

"I.. Well..." Zim's gaze fell.

"Look me in the eyes, Zim." Dib marched forward standing right in front of the Invader. Zim's antennae were drooping, even if Dib didn't know much about Irken body language (which Skoodge assumed he did- the human was hyper intelligent and observant to an unsettling degree) it was obvious that Zim was riddled with guilt.

"It... wasn't a lot..." Zim finally spoke, but the reply was uncharacteristically quiet- to the point that Skoodge doubted if Zim had even heard himself. The expression on Dib's face was almost unreadable as he looked down at his Irken friend.

"How fucking could you? I thought we were friends." Dib turned on his heel storming straight out of the room. Zim's antennae instantly perked back up.

"Dib! Wait! Dib! Zim can explain!"

But the human didn't even turn around.

"Well well well... it seems like someone has gotten into trouble with his human pet."

Zim whirled to the Parasite, teeth bared. "Shut the fuck up Q."