"Captain, Acrilia is our closest non-Empire planet that boarders the Empire." Tak was still out of place in the Syndicate in Dib's opinion, but maybe that was just because she had tried to replace his planet's molten core with snacks.
"Ah yes, Acrilia, lovely planet I've been there." The Captain sounded pleased as she surveyed the brightly colored world floating before them as a detailed hologram. The bits of Tangean writing that Dib could read were almost like things that would be in a tour guide: beautiful, luxurious, peaceful.
"Oh, our moms went there for their anniversary!" Carrius piped up. "Saw the photos and I must say I was impressed. Good taste, Tak."
"Tak does not have good taste; she is simply stating obvious facts about the planet's location." Zim scoffed. Dib stifled a laugh. He had to admit it was impressive how long Zim was willing to hold a grudge.
"Acrilia is in the Intergalactic Unity. They should be sympathetic toward a Syndicate Ranger ship." Captain Rose was deep in thought. "Tak, hail the Solar."
"Shouldn't that be the Communications Officer's job?" Tak narrowed her eyes, looking over at Carrius. Dib had seen a bit of animosity between the two, given that Carrius had been unofficially acting as First Officer before Tak had transferred on.
"Bitch, I worked security before my promotion, not Communications." Carrius retorted.
"Carrius!" The Captain reprimanded him quickly.
"Sorry," Carrius corrected, "First Officer Bitch, I was a Security Chief." Dib saw Captain Rose almost choke on her drink as she coughed, trying to pass off her amusement as simply clearing her throat.
"And now you are my underling." Tak had her eyes narrowed. "So, hail the Solar."
"Technically, you're both First Officer." Captain Rose had finally recovered herself. "Carrius has been filling in the role since Ron ended up being an Invader in disguise-" she was cut off by Tenn.
"Sorry about that by the way!"
"And since I like to promote from within, and your transfer is still in a trial period," Captain Rose ignored the apology. "I would be a little more accommodating to your crewmembers. The Nova hasn't had a proper Communications Officer in a while."
"You can't have two First Officers!" Tak protested. "It's in the name: First officer- logically someone has to be second."
"Rao be praised," Lor grumbled walking to the control panel, "I'll hail the Solar. It's like three buttons." Dib had to admit, he enjoyed hearing Lor use alien slang or phrases- even if it was still in that Texas accent. He began typing and sure enough it took him no time at all to have Captain Fluorine on the holographic screen.
"Greetings Captain Rose." The yellow skinned alien in the transparent helmet, greeted her fellow leader.
"Captain Fluorine, we are going to stop on Acrilia for supplies. We have no idea how long we'll be in Empire controlled space so it is best to prepare."
"Agreed. Acrilia and the Intergalactic Unity have always had a positive relationship with the Syndicate. We will stop as well."
"Meet you on the surface then." Captain Rose tapped a button on her chair and the screen vanished. "This may also be a good boost for morale." She looked specifically at Vero who was sitting on the floor again, and Therron who was looking aggravated at having to stop at all.
"Captain, taking us to a beautiful resort planet isn't subtle at all. I don't love you. And I never will." Therron crossed his arms. "The majestic purple skies of Acrilia won't change that."
"Uh huh. Well, we need fuel. And food." The Captain was no longer looking in his direction as she seemed to be calculating her supplies. "Oh Membranes," she addressed the family as a unit. "The mild climate for Acrilia should suit you. There is enough oxygen for you to be comfortable on land without breathing assistance."
"Our first alien planet! I can't wait to get samples!" His father seemed a little too eager to land.
"I feel like I shouldn't have to say this... but I'm going to say it anyway:" the Captain gave his father a stern look, "you can't take samples of the citizens."
"Good to know!" His dad put his hands on his hips. "That narrows down things considerably. But I can still work with what we have!"
"Right." The Captain had her eyes narrowed. "Carrius, set coordinates for Acrilia!"
"Yes Captain!" Carrius turned to the control panel but Tak swatted his hand out of the way.
"I can do it!" She argued. The Captain rubbed her forehead looking frustrated.
"I don't care who does it, so long as it gets done."
"We should get supplies too," Voel looked to his team of Irkens. "Especially food and any hunting equipment. We may need traps for the wildlife."
"I know what to use." Zeke piped up helpfully. "Acrilia will have some decent repellents."
"You know this planet?" Dib asked, looking over to Lor who had returned to his side after playing the role of a Communications Officer to settle the stupid dispute between Carrius and Tak. "Carrius said your moms went there."
"Yeah, never been myself though." Lor replied with a shrug. "It's a big tourist area so they have lots of variety of fuel and food. They do a great deal of trade with other governments. They aren't Syndicate, but we have a really good relationship with the Intergalactic Unity which is their governing body."
"Space is a lot more politics than I was expecting." Dib rested his arm around Lor's shoulders.
"It can be a nightmare keeping track of it all." Lor made a face. "Mom has a big flowchart of relationships that she's always updating. But you might like Acrilia! It's fancy like that restaurant we went to."
"I didn't think the restaurant was that fancy." Dib replied, thinking back on it. It was funny to remember sitting at dinner accusing Lor of being an alien. He had been right, to be fair, but it seemed so long ago, now.
"The food was good though. Earth food is actually incredible. So, try not to be disappointed by everyone else." Lor leaned into him.
"Irken food looks gross, but it wasn't bad. Just kind of bland. Sizz-Lorr made me some."
"Sizz-Lorr has good food- but an Irken's squeedleyspooch is actually pretty sensitive so the food is all bland like that-except Skoodge's for some reason apparently? The food is high in protein though." Lor was thoughtful. "I used to eat it a lot growing up. I actually have a crazy high appetite when I use my abilities."
"That explains all the groceries you kept ordering." Dib teased him a bit. "And that time you ate that whole extra-large meat lover's pizza by yourself."
"To be fair, you dared me."
"And that's when I knew I loved you." He pecks Lor on the nose. "That alone should have told me you were an alien. No one eats that much Bloaty's without getting sick."
"All right everyone!" The Captain spoke, getting to her feet, and cutting Dib and Lor's talk short. "We will send down an initial landing party and send for the rest of you once we are sure things are still peaceful on Acrilia." She walked down from her elevated platform that housed her Captain's chair. "Tak, Carrius, Lor, Dib: you're with me." She had her hands behind her back, standing tall. Dib was excited; he was truly becoming a part of the crew for a group of peaceful aliens. He looked behind the Captain to see Acrilia: it was a brightly colored mix of purples, pinks, blues, greens, and golds. It looked somewhat akin to an art project of mixed, colorful sands. The planet swallowed them in a swirl of bright colors before Dib was able to see bright, neon green sands with pink waters stretching as far as the eye could see. The buildings were all welcoming, cheerfully colorful with signs in languages he didn't speak. The ship landed in what seemed to be a docking bay. The Captain led them to the exit as the door lowered and they were greeted by a pastel pink creature with multiple sets of crystal blue eyes four sets in the front, and two sets that Dib saw on the back of their head. The mouth was located where a human would have a sternum.
"Welcome to Acrilia, Syndicate Rangers. What can we do for you?" The creature's voice was surprisingly guttural given the rounded and gentle appearance.
"I am Captain Allison Rose of the GST Nova." The Captain spoke in a very professional manner. "My crew and I are looking to resupply."
"Yes, we are happy to accommodate our Syndicate friends." The eyes all blinked out of synch with one another before all shifting at once to look at Tak. "My apologies, is that an Irken?"
"That," Captain Rose spoke a little more sternly than before, "is a Syndicate First Officer."
"I do not think we can accommodate an Irken at present." The greeter had not stopped looking at Tak. "Things are... tense with the Empire. We fear being Invaded."
"She'swith us." The Captain reiterated. "Tak, show him your identification." Tak sighed and pulled a badge out of her uniform. Dib could see the Tangean writing on it- he had a similar one of his own now, tucked away in his suit.
"Yes." The sleek skinned alien looked unconvinced "But it could be an Invader."
"If I was invading, why in the fuck would I do so as an Irken!?" Tak spat back rather annoyed. "That's not how Invasion works!"
"Tak, temper." The Captain didn't actually sound too upset, more like a tired mother rounding up her toddlers at the grocery store. "But also," she looked back to the greeter, "she has a point. That's not how Invasion works." The bulbous eyes of the greeter looked Tak over for a moment.
"Above-sea access only." The greeter said at last.
"That's fine. I don't want to go to your underwater buildings anyway." Tak retorted, crossing her arms over her chest. The greeter handed Captain Rose a translucent card that seemed to be made of glass, attached to some sort of cord. She looped it over her neck like a necklace. He handed one to Carrius and Lor who did the same. Dib got one as well, it felt warm to the touch and he could see digital writing displayed on the glass. He couldn't read the text, but he did recognize the Syndicate insignia on the side. He saw Tak get one as well, though hers was orange while everyone else had a blue one.
"We have passengers as well," the Captain continued, "mostly humans." She gestured to Dib, "such as this."
"Hu...man?" The greeter tilted it's smooth, circular head to the side. "Such large craniums. Are these new to the Syndicate?"
"Only this one has the large head, but our medic assures us it's a normal variant." Captain Rose replied, patting Dib on the back.
"My head is not big..." Dib protested under his breath. He felt Lor take his hand and give it a little squeeze.
"Don't worry hon, I like your head. It suits you."
"I... thanks." There was no use fighting them on this.
"We'll bring our passengers through at your earliest convenience." Captain Rose had ignored Dib's protest entirely.
"I can give them passes now." The greeter replied pleasantly.
"Perfect! Dib, let's get your family." She gestured for Dib to follow her as she walked back on the ship. "All right everyone: seems the current state of things has the Acrilians a little on edge in regards to Irkens. So congrats, you're all humans for the day."
"Humans? But they suck!" Therron protested. He quickly looked over to Gaz who had finally come up from the lab and was still on her GameStation. "No offense."
"No, you're right." Gaz didn't bother looking up. "People fucking suck."
"Mostpeople~" Moira mused as she narrowed her mismatched eyes at his father. "I like a few of them."
"This will be easy." Zim pressed a button on his PAK and the new disguise Skoodge had helped him create, shimmered over his Irken form. "Zim has been playing human for years!"
"Fortunately, they're easy to mimic and a lack of general knowledge of them works in our favor." Skoodge turned into the rusty haired, plump human Dib had seen him be at the Cafe. Unlike Zim, Skoodge had added to his height.
"Well, if it's what needs to be done..." Voel sighed as he pressed a button on his gauntlets. Dib had seen his human disguise before but he had improved it since their last encounter. Voel was a red headed, broad shouldered, militaristic looking man with five o'clock shadow.
"But humans are so lame." Therron changed to a blonde, slicked back hair, professional attire, a much thinner build than Voel had chosen.
"I'm actually starting to like them!" Tenn also increased her height, taking on bright green eyes, and long, dark black hair that she flipped over her shoulder. "Plus, hair is fun!"
"Vero do you even have a human disguise?" Voel's eyes remained crimson, even in human form as he looked down at Vero.
"Yeah yeah," Vero lazily pressed the button on his own Tallest's armor. He took on bright red hair like Voel, though he chose to make his eyes blue. If Dib had to guess, Vero's human persona looked the closest to his own age.
"I have always wanted to get some good pictures of Acrilia to pop on my vacation articles!" Zeke popped on a human disguise of his own with darker hair and skin.
"Are you coming?" The Captain looked to Q. "I mean, personally, I hope not. But we can't stop you if you decide to join us. Though be aware we will deny any association with you."
"No way." The answer took Dib by surprise. "This territory belongs to H. I'm on good terms with her and I'm not stepping on her toes by hunting on her turf."
"There's a Parasite here? And you know this without getting off of the ship?" The Captain raised an eyebrow.
"Yes. Actually, I do. We can sense each other within a pretty sizable radius. Plus, I know she moved to these hunting grounds when M went missing."
"Planets. Please call them planets, not hunting grounds." The Captain pinched the bridge of her nose.
"Potato, potato."
"That isn't the way the Earth-saying goes. You just said potato twice." The Captain looked remarkably unimpressed.
"Can I go on the planet?" CB perked up, he had GIR on his shoulders.
"Can you keep that SIR under control?" Captain Rose asked.
"No one can do that. I am not a god."
"Then maybe it's best you keep an eye on him here." She replied.
"Nonsense! GIR will be fine. We'll let him tire himself out and CB can come on the planet with us!" Zim interrupted. "What if he needs things!?"
"Isn't he a machine?" The Captain didn't sound convinced.
"Yes, but I really want to go. Plus, GIR won't be a bother. He is still singing his song." To be fair the SIR was still happily mouthing away several iterations of the word 'Doom'. It did seem as if GIR was preoccupied.
"Fine." The Captain finally relented. "But the Syndicate isn't liable for any damages."
"Fair enough. Voel and Therron can pay because they're the ones who lost Irk." Zim seemed satisfied with the answer.
"We didn't lose Irk!" Therron protested. "It was stolen by the Control Brains."
"How about," the Captain spoke a little more loudly, "no one talks about Irk because you are all supposed to be humans."
"Very well." Voel sounded more serious in his human form, but maybe it was just because Dib could read his expressions better when he had eyebrows.
"All right, follow me, stay polite, and stay in line. You are supposed to be Syndicate." The Captain spoke very strictly but her personality did almost a one eighty as she exited the ship and was instantly smiling and cheerful. "Welcome Earthlings to the absolutely breathtaking world of Acrilia!"
"Oh, it is lovely!" Moira looked genuinely impressed.
"Look at the skin texture on our host!" Dib's father was clearly excited. "The slimy texture combined with the slender structure suggests an amphibious nature! Fascinating!"
"Acrilia is both on land and under water," the greeter explained as if it were a teacher talking to an eager class of children. "As Syndicate you will have access to either area." The greeter was giving out blue passes. "If your biology is not compatible with underwater survival, a liaison can be sent on your behalf for anything you might need. Please, enjoy our shops and beaches at your leisure."
"Thank you; thank you." The Captain did the Syndicate salute with a bow. "Come along humans." She gestured for everyone to follow her they exited the docking area and Dib was struck by a sudden warmth. It was surprisingly not unpleasant, but it was hot. "Lor you'll need to do the underwater work. You don't need to breathe."
"Yes, Captain!" He nodded.
"The rest of you, stay in this area. I don't want anyone wandering off too far. We're supposed to meet up with the Solar. Get your supplies and if you have time, relax." The Captain looked behind her at her crew and the disguised Irkens. "This is your last moment of peace before we get to the Empire."
"We'll definitely need to stock up on food and fuel. The other Irken ships won't be able to land here. We'll have to get enough for them." Voel was deep in thought.
"Fuel is in the underwater section so just give your orders to Lor." The Captain nodded to her medic.
"Send it to my reader, I gotta change." Lor quickly dismissed himself as Dib finally took a moment to look around. The sand was an almost glowing green, the water was pink, deepening into a dark purple the further it got from shore. He could see locals and creatures of other species going in and out of the water, some were diving and others seemed to just be lounging around.
Great.
A fucking beach planet.
Dib had never liked the beach. It was loud, crowded, bright, and hot.
"Back!" In an instant, Lor had returned, but had shed his uniform, and was now wearing what almost looked like a bathing suit save for a few bits of technology around the pockets. Dib looked him up and down for a moment.
Okay. Maybe the beach wasn't so bad.
"There are also some snacks I need from the underwater section. You can pick those up while you're down there." Therron was already typing away.
"Okay, sure." Lor didn't seem too bothered by all the orders.
"Zim will do above ground food shopping!" Zim volunteered. "Dib! Skoodge! CB, come help carry things!"
"You can't order around my Science Officer." Captain Rose pointed out, though she didn't sound particularly annoyed.
"I do kind of want to go look around." Dib figured Lor would be busy for a bit with getting everything the others were ordering.
"If that's what you want to do, then have at it." Captain Rose gave a dismissive wave and Zim grabbed Dib by the hand and started to drag him away from the shore toward the array of busy stores that lined the beach.
"See ya!" Lor gave him a wave as he was swallowed up by the crowd. There had to be hundreds of different types of aliens running in and out of stores, playing in the water and along the shore. A few would see him and point whispering amongst themselves. Zim seemed to be oblivious to the attention. Or, more accurately, he probably just didn't care.
"I guess no one has seen a human before." Dib mused as he saw another alien stare at him before giving a nod that must have been meaningful- but it was lost on Dib. "But why are they not paying as much attention to you guys?" Skoodge and Zim were also wearing human facades but everyone seemed solely focused on him. "And if you are about to say it's because of my head, I fucking swear-" he didn't get to finish his threat because Skoodge answered him.
"It's because you're wearing a Syndicate Ranger uniform. Acrilia is on the outskirts of Intergalactic Unity territory and boarders the Irken Empire. News of the impending war has reached Acrilia by now, for sure. They're staring because they know why you're here."
"And also, because your head is unnaturally huge." Zim added helpfully.
"Zim, what the fuck did I just say about my head-"
"This store should have good stuff!" Zim didn't even seem to hear him- which was unsurprising. "CB analyze the layout and find us the best snacks!"
"They have signs we could just-"
"ANALYZE OUR DESTINATION!"
"There are plenty of snacks that can be consumed by Irkens."
"Find them!"
"But father we can just look at the signs to see-"
"FIND THEM WITH YOUR SUPERIOR BRAIN!"
"This way." CB sighed opening the door. GIR was riding on his shoulders, wearing his unconvincing dog suit. However, Dib doubted these aliens knew what a dog was supposed to look like so this was probably fine. GIR was talking, but CB had him still muted so there was no telling what the SIR was on about. "The next twelve aisles have snacks Irkens will find both delicious and high in energy. Ideal for Invaders."
"Very good my robot minion. You have hacked their delectable grocery security systems and found our information!"
"I am just reading the signs." Dib heard CB grumble under his breath. "I am not going to hack a grocery store. I have some standards."
"Do you, though?" Dib smirked walking passed him.
"These. Lots of this too..." Zim was running up and down the aisles grabbing boxes of food Dib couldn't begin to recognize and tossing them at Skoodge, CB, and himself. Skoodge had actually grabbed a cart and was simply placing everything neatly inside as it was thrown in their direction. They went up and down the maze-like aisles of the store, guided by CB before eventually they had so much food that only Dib was tall enough to push the cart.
"Isn't this overkill? Aren't Therron and them also food shopping?" Dib asked as he struggled to not spill any of the packages as he tried to navigate through the crowd.
"It is highly unlikely Therron will actually do anything so mundane as grocery shopping." Skoodge replied dryly. "And if by some miracle he does, it won't be a good variety of food. We have a lot of Irkens with different preferences. And we do have a few Tallers." Without even looking, Skoodge caught a box that was toppling from the top of the food mountain, and tossed it smoothly back on top. "The really tall Irkens like Voel, Therron, and Vero eat a lot more than an Irken of our size."
"I mean that makes sense... but can't you guys like eat anything? Isn't that how you conquered that planet that made you famous?" Dib recalled Zim recounting the story of Skoodge's exploits to him at some point.
"I mean it's not ideal. But we can eat pretty much whatever we want in the sense that our bodies can process it. But just because we can gain nutrition from something, however, doesn't make eating it a pleasant experience." Skoodge replied, looking a bit nauseous from a memory Dib might have unintentionally invoked.
"Here!" Zim made it to the cashier who began ringing up everything with a series of floating drone-like scanners.
"Oh!" As the pile of food was packed away by the same, scanning drones, and was placed in a bag that seemed to be able to hold a lot more than it looked like it should- the cashier took notice of Dib behind the mass of food. "You're a Ranger!" The cashier was the same sort of sleek, bulbous-eyed creature as the greeter. There were multiple arms all moving in serpentine fashion to help pack things away.
"Oh, yeah." Dib was a bit taken aback by the recognition, despite Skoodge saying it was to be expected.
"Are you going to put a stop to the Irkens?" The cashier was staring at him but it didn't have a face that Dib could read well.
"That's... um..." Dib fumbled for a moment, "classified."
"You have the full backing of the Unity! It's all over the news!" The cashier sounded truly excited. "It is about time someone stood up to the Irken Empire!" At this point, the line was getting longer, but some of the other aliens were starting to stare at Dib too. He could hear whispers spreading through the crowd.
"The Irken Empire isn't that bad!" Zim protested, but Skoodge quickly grabbed his arm and shook his head, holding a finger to his lips.
"They had Acrilia on the list for Impending Doom originally but we were able to negotiate with the Tallests when Impending Doom II launched. Now that those two are gone, they're back to being the violent threat we feared would return." Another native had spoken up in the next aisle.
"Good luck, Ranger!" A different alien called out to Dib.
"Oh, thanks." Dib looked to his disguised Irken friends but they were avoiding the crowd. "I guess I can just pay for this and-"
"I'll pay for the Ranger!" Another patron volunteered.
"So will I!" Came another excited voice.
"No need, take it. Acrilia and the Intergalactic Unity support you!" The cashier waved to Dib as he grabbed the bag that somehow was able to hold a mountain of food without being bulky or heavy, and quickly hurried out.
"Thank you!" Dib called awkwardly back over his shoulder.
"Well, that's not good." Skoodge looked deeply troubled by what had transpired in the store.
"Not good? Did you see all the food we just got for free?" Zim scoffed. "That was awesome. Come Dib, let's use your status for more free stuff."
"No. Zim." Skoodge looked distressed. "The Galactic Unity has been on okay terms with the Empire since Therron and Voel negotiated with them after Impending Doom failed. If they turn against us too this war could get out of control." Skoodge took a deep breath, deep in thought. "Failure really isn't an option here. That's two massive governments that the Control Brains have pissed off."
"We won't fail. Zim never fails!" Zim replied confidently. He put an arm around Skoodge's shoulders, pacing their foreheads together. "Now, let's use Dib to get more free stuff!"
By the time Zim was satisfied with everything they had gotten, the group had been gone for several hours. It was still warm, but the Syndicate uniform was temperature regulated and Dib found the heat didn't really bother him much. He was just a little tired from carrying things and running from store to store.
He made it back to the beachfront in time to see Carrius and Tenn had found water guns and were currently having an all-out war with one another. Therron was laid out on a chair, surrounded by supplies that Dib assumed Lor had brought up. Voel was drawing something in the sand and explaining it to Vero who was lying close enough to the water's edge that the waves were washing over him. Tak was with Captain Rose who had decided to lay out in the sun, talking to a hologram on her communicator. The Solar crew was also around now. Dib only recognized D3R1K who was in a dress and floppy hat and sprawled out over the sand; and Pawl who was as far away from the water's edge as he could be, eyeing it skeptically with his ears back. (Seemed the resemblances to a cat were not just physical). Even Zeke was taking photos on the water and avidly typing up a story. Dib's parents were in the water with flasks and vials and it looked like they were gathering samples. He had no idea where Gaz had run off to.
Dib walked to the Captain as Zim rushed to join the water gun fight. "Hey is Lor back yet?"
"He's going back and forth with Captain Fluorine; he should be back soon." The Captain replied, lounging lazily under the sun her blue skin gaining a slight golden sheen. She too had shed her uniform for something more like a swimsuit back on Earth.
"Are... you tanning?" Dib had to look her over.
"Humanstan, Cadet Membrane, Tangeansyellow." The Captain replied looking away from her communicator for a moment. "And I am mostly just relaxing. We have a lot ahead of us, tensions we're high on the ship. Everyone needed a break."
"No... that... that's fair." Dib recalled Therron and Tak and Zim all at one another's throats. Things had been getting a little volatile.
"It's been a long trip for everyone, and what's waiting for us on Irk isn't going to be pleasant." She relaxed back.
"But you can handle it, my love." The voice from her communicator reminded Dib that she had been on it before he walked over. He looked to see a human man on the screen, blonde hair, blue eyes, average build. "But I miss you my danger panda!"
"Danger panda?" Dib echoed in confusion. Who was this? He didn't recognize the human disguise at all.
"I miss you too, my love." The Captain replied in a far gentler tone than Dib had ever heard before.
"Wait... who is that?" Dib looked at the screen in confusion.
"My husband, Cadet. If you actually paid attention in class, you might remember him." The Captain replied dryly. Dib had to think back. He vaguely remembered seeing this man once or twice in the classroom, dropping things off for the Captain's human persona.
"Wait, he's Syndicate too?" Captain Rose had definitely said the only Syndicate that were trapped on Earth were herself, Carrius, Lor and Ron/Tenn. Maybe he had transferred in?
"Only through marriage, I suppose." The man laughed, rubbing the back of his head. "I'm human too."
"W-wait! Your husband is a human!?" Dib was actually floored by the revelation. He was just now learning the Captain was married (Carrius and Lor had both mentioned that she might be- but even they didn't sound too sure).
"Don't sound so surprised, Cadet. Keep in mind, before you ever got involved, I was on Earth for two years." She sounded more amused than anything else. "A lot can happen in two years."
"And he knows you're an alien?" Dib had only been privy to the information after catching Lor himself.
"Of course. We're married." She replied as-a-matter-of-factly. "Got married shortly before that whole ordeal with you and the Irkens, actually." She let out a small, nostalgic sigh. "I don't know why you're acting so surprised; you're dating an alien too."
Dib's face reddened more than he would like to admit as he cleared his throat. "I thought you hated humans though. You're always calling us primitive and dumb."
"Humans, en mass, are stupid. On an individual basis, however, I quite like them." She refuted his point rather quickly. "I like you, don't I? I like your father and stepmother, your sister, and I adore Gary." Her eyes narrowed playfully as she looked back at the screen of her communicator.
"Listen here you spicy Space Captain: you come back safe." Her husband (apparently named Gary?) returned the playful gaze.
"How did Lor and Carrius not realize you were married?" Dib asked. Every time Therron had insisted the Captain adored him, Lor and Carrius had mentioned that they had thought she was married but they never sounded sure. If this was so recent there was no way they wouldn't have known.
"Earth weddings are weird so we just eloped at a courthouse. Less complicated. I don't think my medic or my new First Officer like to pry into my private affairs." She shrugged.
"Wait so is Rose your married name? Is Rosenberg your married name?" Dib was willing to believe that Rose might have been Gary's last name- but knowing what he did about the completely bewildering Syndicate naming trends, he doubted it.
"That would be a no~" Gary shot Dib some finger guns. "I took her last name since on Tangea they don't change their names when they get hitched. Can't wait to visit your home when all of this is over, Allie."
"You will love it." She smiled looking genuinely quite happy.
"INCOMING!" Tenn squeaked out a warning as the Captain artfully dodged to the side to avoid getting splashed by the bright pink water.
"That's a foul!" Carrius was hiding behind a trashcan, water pistol still drawn.
"Don't look at me! That was Zim!" Tenn protested.
"HAHAHA ZIM WILL WIN THESE WATER WARS!" While Dib had been talking to the Captain, Zim had somehow gotten both hands on water guns and had joined Carrius and Tenn in their ongoing war. Skoodge was playing along as well; though, CB and GIR were distracted playing in the sand. (Well, GIR was. CB seemed to be content just to watch.)
"I thought you guys didn't like water!" Dib called as he ran out to get a better view of the fight (and give the Captain time alone).
"That's just Earth's water." Skoodge explained. "It's not that the water itself hurts us, it's the pollutants."
"JOIN US VOEL YOU COWARD!" Zim demanded firing directly at Voel. The disguised Irken didn't even blink.
"I am plotting right now." Voel remarked, sounding annoyed.
"WHAT IF I TAKE YOUR PRECIOUS SMEET!" Zim grabbed Vero and, with considerable effort, lifted him up. Of course, Vero was so tall he was still touching the ground, however Zim didn't seem to notice, or care.
"Welp, I've been abducted. Goodbye father." Vero stood slightly and actually helped Zim drag him away.
"Vero, come on." Voel glared at him.
"Sorry, the war has claimed me." Vero waved to Voel as Zim handed him one of the guns.
"Hey!" Dib was distracted from the fight as he heard a familiar voice. Lor had surfaced from the water, hair dripping and sticking to his face. He had two large metal canisters, one slung over each shoulder, despite both being nearly twice his size. Captain Fluorine was beside him carrying just one of the same canisters. She was still in the same space suit Dib had seen her wearing on Earth. "You're back from shopping!" Lor put the canisters down beside Captain Rose before running back to Dib.
"Yeah, we got a ton of food. Mostly for free." Dib put an arm around Lor, ignoring that it got his uniform a little wet.
"Really? We've been coming across that same thing with the fuel. Irk is not popular right now." Lor sounded concerned, icy blue eyes looking over to Tak who was keeping to herself, though she had put on her human disguise as well.
"Hey, did you know the Captain is married to a human named Gary?" Dib didn't feel like dwelling too much on the negative aspects of their adventures at the moment. Everyone was in pretty high spirits and he didn't feel like being the one to bring them all back to reality.
"Okay so they are married. I wasn't really sure. They've been together for a while." Lor replied, looking back up at him. Dib had to laugh, at least he wasn't the only one out of the loop on this. He leaned in giving Lor a kiss.
"I missed you." He lifted the much shorter medic's chin up.
"Missed you too!" Lor returned his kiss. "I have been running like fifty fuel tanks up from the underwater city and let me tell you it is pretty monotonous. At least I had Captain Fluorine to help."
"Are you done?" Dib raised an eyebrow.
"Rao, I hope so." Lor let out a long breath, rolling his head on his shoulders. "That is a lot of heavy lifting."
"Not heavy for you, Superboy." Dib teased.
"Huh?" The reference seemed to be lost on Lor.
"Never mind." Dib laughed, shaking his head. "Where did Gaz go off to anyway?"
"There's an arcade around-"
"Say no more." Dib put a hand to Lor's lips. "You wanna go find her?"
"Sure!" Lor replied brightly. "We'll probably be leaving soon anyway."
"Did you get any time to relax?" Dib questioned.
"I guess, kinda. This is relaxing right now." Dib's cheeks reddened a bit at Lor's response, but he quickly dismissed the sensation as being from the heat of the beach, as he grabbed Lor's hand and they walked back into the crowd.
"You think you can find the building?" Dib asked.
"Yeah, I can read the Tangean signs." He gestured to the street signs which were scrolling past in a series of unrecognizable characters from languages Dib had never seen before.
"So, are you from Tangea?" He had heard the Captain mention the name of the planet.
"No. I'm from Capitol Planet. I just have Tangean moms. There are a lot of Tangeans on Capitol Planet because it's close to Tangea, so it's easy to get confused if you're not from the Syndicate." Lor explained.
"Huh, I can't wait to visit when this is all over." Exploring alien worlds was what Dib lived for.
"Definitely! You'll have to meet my moms! They REALLY want me to bring you home." Lor spoke excitedly. "I used to get embarrassed by bringing people home to meet them, but compared toyour parents, I think they'll fit right in."
"Yeah, dad and Moira are something else, alright."
"Huh..." Lor stopped for a moment, squinting in the crowd.
"Something wrong?" Dib came to a stop as well.
"Huh?" Lor blinked. "Oh... no. I don't... think so..."
"... Lor?" Dib was a little concerned.
"Sorry... big crowds like this can get a little overwhelming for my super senses..." Lor rubbed the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. He blinked a few times before looking back up at Dib with a smile. "I'm okay!"
"You sure?" Dib was concerned. It wasn't often that Lor seemed distressed. In fact, Dib had seen him walk off an explosion to the face.
"Yeah! Yeah! Plus, I think I found your sister." He grinned pulling Dib by the hand toward one of the buildings. It sounded like loud chanting. In fact, as Dib drew closer, he realized there waschanting.
"GAZ!"
"GAZ!"
"GAZ!"
"GAZ!"
"GAZ!"
Over and over aliens were chanting his sister's name. They rounded the corner to see Gaz playing some sort of alien game, surrounded by excited onlookers of all species. It was some sort of virtual reality game, she was wearing a helmet and seemed to be fighting something that Dib couldn't see. The screen behind her displayed an Acrilian avatar fighting off some sort of massive aquatic creature. He could see what he assumed to be the score, skyrocketing with every move. Good to know his sister was still a beast at any game she touched- even the alien ones.
"Gaz! We gotta go!" Dib tried to raise his voice over the chanting masses. Gaz held up a single finger to silence him. She whirled around, making a series of complicated movements that the little avatar matched, dodging a hell of bullets that rained down. She finished by moving her arm up, the avatar slicing through the monster which exploded into text and the crowd of onlookers burst into wild cheers.
"Okay, I'm done." She pulled off the helmet looking to her brother and his boyfriend. "I just had to prove a point." The aliens around her were excited beyond belief, chattering in a language Dib didn't quite recognize. It was too quiet for his Syndicate translator to pick up on and without the Irkens nearby to translate, he would need to ask Lor. But the Medic seemed just as excited by Gaz's victory as everyone else.
"I have never even gotten to the underwater lord's fortress, never the less gotten to fight AND beat him!"
"I thought you'd never been to this planet?" Dib questioned.
"I haven't. I have this game at home." Lor replied cheerfully.
"I like some of the combat system it used, I might incorporate it in my own game." Gaz ran her fingers through her hair to get rid of the helmet hair. "If we get shit like this from joining the Syndicate, you guys can fucking have Earth."
"I mean you will get all of our gaming systems that are sold in all the other Syndicate worlds-" Lor began. Gaz grabbed him by his bare shoulders, shaking him.
"Sign. us. the. fuck. up."
"That's... not how it works?" Lor blinked.
"Bullshit. Your mom is the Chairman!"
"That's definitelynot how it works." Dib pulled his sister back. "The Syndicate are more about paperwork than nepotism. But I think if we pull this Irk Mission off, we have a real shot at being invited to join." Gaz nodded, pulling a rather large gun out of her bag and cocking it, causing a series of hisses to erupt.
"Bring it."
"Is that the fucking cobra gun!?" Dib jumped back a bit. "Why do you have that!?"
"Protection." Gaz replied flatly. "Don't act so scared I'm not going to fire it." She put the gun back in her bag. "So, are we finally done here?"
"Yeah." Dib took Lor's hand again as they began to head back. "I think we got everything we needed and the other Irkens are not allowed to land here right now for political reasons."
"Damn, I was hoping CB could come to the arcade with me." She seemed to actually be enjoying herself. It was rare that Gaz invested herself in Dib's hobbies, so he was pleased to see his whole family seemed to be enjoying the epic space quest.
"Isn't his being a computer basically cheating?" Lor questioned.
"Depends on the game. " Gaz gave a shrug as they returned to the beach to see that Tenn and Carrius had now gotten everyone involved in their water gun fight. Captain Rose and Captain Fluorine were teaming up to take on Voel who had Zim on his shoulders trying to shoot at the two Syndicate Captains. A misfire from Zim hit the sleeping Pawl who had found a peaceful spot in the sun. The felinoid's ears went straight back as he let out a hiss jumping up.
"So you have chosen death." Pawl's yellow eyes narrowed.
"Pawl!" Carrius slid Pawl a water gun and the medic of the Solar blasted Zim straight in the face. Zim fell dramatically, getting caught by CB.
"Avenge... Zim... avenge... your papa..."
"Father no!"
"I LOVE VENGEANCE!" GIR began rolling over Zim in the sand as CB took Zim's weapon and began firing at Pawl who was artfully dodging every shot. Dib surveyed the fight to see Skoodge was standing off to the side. He seemed to be looking at something.
"I'm joining the fight." Gaz informed him before quickly seeing the Membranes had jury-rigged a water cannon and were assisting as needed in the water war.
"Yeah, have at it." Dib looked to Lor. "You going too?"
"Nah I would rather stay with you." He grinned. "Also, I might get too intense and break one of the water guns. I am pretty sure they're all rentals."
"Fair enough." Dib had been wondering where the endless supply of water weapons had stemmed from. He and Lor walked over to Skoodge who was being rather quiet- which did seem to be in character for him. However, Dib hadn't seen him blink for over a minute. "What are you looking at?" Skoodge jumped whirling around aggressively before recognizing Dib and Lor.
"Oh... just..." he turned back, frowning. "I think someone has been tailing us... I thought it might be the Parasite, at first. But I found H in the casino. Turns out she runs it."
"That... is actually brilliant for a Parasite." Dib had to give her credit for that setup. And also, he now knew to avoid the casinos at all cost. Q was more than enough Parasite for one lifetime. "So, then who is following us?"
"I lost sight of them when you decided to interrupt me." Skoodge sounded a tad annoyed.
"Shouldn't we get out of here?" Lor frowned.
"Depends. It won't do us any good if our stalker reports straight to the Control Brains. We'll lose our element of surprise." Skoodge was scanning the crowd. "Shit... we might actually need to get Q to help us out."
"Q doesn't help anyone." Dib replied flatly. "Plus, he doesn't want to leave the ship."
"I think I see them..." Skoodge was on edge. "But now that I'm not in the Collective, I can't sense anything. I can't tell if they're Irken or not. And using my PAK will get all of Acrilia on my ass." He frowned. "If CB can get close enough, he might be able to get a read... but if they are Irken, they'll sense him too."
"We should get the Captain-" Lor began but Skoodge shook his head.
"I don't think they know I am onto them. We attract too much attention and they might go straight back to the Control Brains and Xia."
"What do we do then?" Dib could not, for the life of him, figure out which alien in the crowd had grabbed Skoodge's attention.
"Get H." Dib immediately was ready to disagree, but Skoodge continued "Parasites are nearly invisible to Irken PAKs. If anyone can get a good read on this intruder without drawing too much attention, it's going to be H or Q. And like you said, Q probably won't help."
"Fuck no! What makes you think H will help?" Dib hated Q. He wasn't about to go asking a different Parasite for help.
"H probably doesn't want the Irkens here anymore than the Acrilians do." Skoodge wasn't even looking at him. "Now hurry. I don't know how long this intruder is going to stay put."
"We can go together," Lor offered but Skoodge shook his head.
"I want you here. If this gets messy, we'll need you to help keep civilians safe."
"But I hate Parasites..." Dib had not grown any fonder of the emotion-eating monstrosities from beyond the stars in all the time he had spent with Q. In fact, Q was not much better as an ally than he was when he was trying to eat Dib's heart, or face, or whatever he was doing the first time they had met.
"Everyone does. But this is important to the mission." Skoodge insisted. Dib sighed, begrudgingly turning to leave. "I'll keep in touch on the communicator." Skoodge gave him a dismissive wave.
"This better stop some horrible Invasion or something." Dib grumbled; fists clenched a bit as he turned to go back into the city.
Of course, finding the casino was a little easier said than done. Dib had the translator Zim had given him held up, trying to make heads or tails of any of the signs. Street names were not super helpful without a good layout of the land. "Ugh, what are you doing?" Dib groaned as he heard the annoyed voice of Therron behind him. It figures the Purple disgraced leader would have little to no interest in the water wars.
"Trying to find the Casino." Dib replied flatly.
"You gamble?" Therron had a brightly colored drink in his (currently human) hand as he took a long, incredulous sip, violet eyes scanning Dib up and down with a skeptical look. "I doubt you even know how to play Globus."
"I don't. I'm looking for H." Dib retorted. He was already going to have to deal with a Parasite. Dealing with Therron on top of all of that seemed like overkill.
"Who the fuck is H?"
"H is the Parasite that Q said was on this planet. Skoodge says she works in the Casino."
"Why would you wantto find a Parasite?" Therron was far better than the other Irkens (save for maybe Skoodge) at emoting with a human face. He looked thoroughly taken aback by Dib's answer.
"Trust me, I don't. " Dib assured him. "But Skoodge thinks there may be an Invader sizing up the Syndicate here." Surprisingly, Therron went quiet for a moment, looking deep in thought.
"I see. Well, you're going the wrong way." He gestured with his free hand for Dib to follow him, both of his arms were loaded down with shopping bags. "This way."
"You're coming with me?" Dib was a bit skeptical as Therron had never been the most helpful of Irkens.
"Of course. It's my fucking planet that's on the line here." Therron's reply surprised Dib. "You don't think I've seen how everyone is treating the Syndicate right now? Xia is undoing every bit of diplomacy that I have been slaving over establishing since I became Tallest. The Unity were a major buyer of Irken wares and now they are refusing to sell Empire brand snacks in their stores? We need that trade!" Therron sounded surprisingly upset.
"You just... didn't strike me as the type to... I dunno... care?" Dib hadn't seen Therron do much other than play the Devil's Advocate since he had arrived on Earth.
"Just because my answer to things isn't to stab them, doesn't mean I don't fucking care." Therron took an angry drink from the funky straw of his brightly colored beverage. "You have no idea how many times I have to make up some arbitrary law to stop Voel from starting an all-out war with any small planet that didn't immediately do what we wanted. 'Xalific-12 doesn't like our offer!? Mark them for Invasion!'." Therron's impression of Voel was actually pretty spot on. He stood, shoulders back, eyes narrowed. His shopping bags flying erratically with the forceful movement of his arms as he gestured at an imaginary version of himself. "'No Red'," Therron was back to portraying himself. "'We can't do that because we need them to like us so we can import food and take some stress off of our struggling famers.' His answer to everything was to point his stupid spear and declare war. It took him years to calm down. And I'm pretty sure it's only because I made things so unbelievably difficult for him, that by the time he actually could declare an Invasion or break an alliance, he was too damn tired to care."
"...oh..." Dib didn't know what to say. It seemed like Therron might actually be smarter than he thought. He had heard both Skoodge and Zim mention that Voel was a bit of a hot head.
"Yeah, I'm not the military genius that Voel is- but I know how to get what I want." Therron seemed to have genuinely taken offense to Dib's comment.
"And you can find the Casino?"
"Of course I can. I was a Navigator for a few years before being Tallest."
"You were a Navigator? I thought you were an Elite."
"I graduated as an Elite but they put me in Navigation because I had zero desire to leave Irk and I'm tall. So, I get what I want." Therron replied as they weaved through the crowds. "And finding a Casino is a simple matter of tracking and reading signs. It's second nature, really." Dib had not really anticipated spending time with Therron today, but the former Tallest was proving surprisingly useful as they came upon a large building that gave Dib the same uneasy feeling as Q's apartment. "Here we go."
"This is.. definitely the place..." Dib made a face, feeling his stomach churned a bit as he saw the patrons exiting the building looking greyer and more lethargic than those that were entering. Therron was looking him over.
"You look like shit."
"I don't like Parasites."
"No one does." Therron opened the door making his way in. Dib followed. The interior was lined with machines, tables, cards, every type of game he could think of though the languages all were different. It was quite busy. Loud music, bright lights, a heavy stench of sweet-smelling smoke lingering in the air leaving a film over all of the machines and patrons. Dib was already feeling his heart race as he scanned the crowd- knowing full well that the Parasite was probably disguised.
"Drinks?" A man came up behind them with a tray of brightly colored drinks balancing on his hand. He was surprisingly human looking, bright blue eyes, jet black hair, suave smile.
"Oh... no we're looking for someone." Dib replied dismissively.
"They're on the house." The waiter gave him a wink. It was a little odd that the alien running this place understood human slang such as 'on the house ' enough to use it in everyday conversation.
"Oh, hey can I have one of these drinks?" Therron was eyeing the tray with desire on his face.
"Yeah, he just says they were free." Dib waved him off.
"Huh?"
"He said they were on the house, Therron. That means free, at least... it does on Earth."
"Why are you talking about a house?"
"Because the waiter just said-"
"The waiter hasn't said anything!"
"Oh fuck." Dib turned again to look at the nicely dressed human looking man with his slender features and winning smile. He... didn't seem to have blinked. "You can't hear him..."
Suddenly it clicked.
"You're looking for me?" The Parasite tilted its human head to the side, curiously. "You want my help?"
"You're H?" Dib was a bit surprised. He had seen Q play human before but it was not nearly so convincing. Hadn't Skoodge said H was female? With shape-shifters Dib supposed it didn't actually matter...
"I am H. And while I do typically use a female form, it wouldn't have been as effective on you. If I want to break hearts, I need to look like what the patrons want." H smirked. "But since you aren't here to buy..." the body made the same horrible bone cracking sounds as the human form twisted and drained of its color leaving a more curvy, pale, seven eyed form of a Parasite staring, unblinking up at Dib. Like Q, she had scarf-like appendages as well, however, hers seemed to come from her head, wrapping around her hair like a decorative headband.
"Oh shit!?" Therron stumbled back, surprised by her sudden transformation. "Shouldn't you be hiding that you're a Parasite!?"
"Everyone in here is too invested in my operation to care." She balanced the tray on one of her scarf-like appendages and sat back, taking one of the drinks for herself. "I make Acrilia great monies; so, I can pretty much do what I want: so long as no one dies on the premises."
"She says she's too rich for anyone to care, more or less." This was another downside of dealing with the Parasites. Dib became a glorified translator for the Irkens who were unaffected by their parasitic mind powers.
"Fair enough." Therron nodded. "This is a pretty sweet operation you're running. I must say I'm actually impressed."
"You're Irken. You're impressed by anything big and explode-y. Your compliments mean nothing to me."
"She isn't what I'd call flattered." Dib had to resist the urge to snort at H's little commentary.
"She has made this successful buffet for herself- she doesn't need my compliments." Therron actually laughed. "Though such a clever, well-adjusted Parasite like this... it's no wonder Skoodge asked for us to find her."
"What's he playing at?" H was watching Therron with narrowed eyes as she sat back, in the air, her legs crossed in a dainty manner.
"Skoodge is another Irken. He asked for you by name." Dib explained. "We are having some issues with a possible Invader."
"You're Syndicate. You deal with it."
"She doesn't want to help." Dib quickly relayed the information to Therron. "Look, we know your busy, and usually we'd ask Q, but he won't leave the ship."
"Good boy. This is my turf." The fringes on the scarf went razor sharp for a moment and the glass she was holding shattered. She caught the pieces in her other hand, placing them one by one in her mouth like pieces of tongue-splitting popcorn. Dib cringed a bit at the sound.
"H, may I call you H?" Therron had surprising friendliness in his voice given that Therron had always been (to Dib at least) about as friendly as his elementary school peers.
"That is the closest you can get to pronouncing my name so I don't know what else you plan to call me."
"She says yes."
"H, this operation you have here... it's actually brilliant. You can get food from miserable gambling patrons and over-tired families trying to vacation- this is honestly like a paradise to you; at least I assume it is. I don't eat emotions so I have no idea." Therron was acting surprisingly casual toward H. "But surely in all the misery at overpriced souvenirs and drinks- you've picked up on an impending war?"
"Of course I have. But war brings misery. It is only a benefit to me." She nodded.
"And I know you're probably ready to feed on all that war time emotional hell. But let me tell you something about this war:" Dib hadn't needed to translate that time as apparently Therron hadn't really been waiting for an answer and had continued without much pause. "This is less of a back-and-forth battle of tactics and more of an outright universal Invasion. And sure, the initial misery will be a feast. But I've talked to the Control Brains planning this fiasco. Hell, they tried to kill me." H was watching him move about, her eyes never blinking. "They will wipe out all of this. Make it Irken. This beach? Gone. All the miserable vacationers who are spending themselves into economic despair? Gone. Everything will think like an Irken. And then, what are you going to eat?"
"..." H was quiet for a bit, looking hard at Therron, despite being unable to read him properly. Dib had to admit, Therron was making his point loud and clear. "And what, exactly, do you want me to do about this?"
"Skoodge thinks he found an Invader but we need to be sure. You have the ability to detect if something isn't what it seems- even in large crowds- right? You could pinpoint our suspect and we can take things from there." Dib had a pretty good idea of the plan, and technically, if H had wanted to, she could have just gathered the information from his thoughts, but he felt obligated to explain it anyway- if only so Therron could follow the conversation.
"I know it is something simple for such a powerful and rich being," Therron was really laying the compliments on a little thick, in Dib's opinion.
"He really is; but it's nice to hear." H confirmed.
"But it will only be a moment of your time. Then you can get back to your whole operation here and know that once we reclaim Irk, we'll send so many of our delicious, non-Irkens your way. You like Vortions, don't you?"
"I do." She nodded her head, so even though he couldn't hear her, Therron knew she was answering him.
"Exactly. You can't feed on Irkens, but we have sway over other species too." He gave her a confident smile and she shook her head, heaving a heavy sigh, her shoulders drooping, arms crossed over her chest.
"Very well. I've been spoiled with my comfort on Acrilia. I'm not losing it because of Irken incompetence."
"She'll help us." Dib confirmed as Therron looked somewhat relieved. H snapped her fingers and a few tired looking staff in uniforms came to her side. She placed one hand on the cheek of one of the natives and her other hand under the chin of a different alien Dib didn't recognize.
"I'm stepping out, my lovelies~" her voice was surprisingly sweet. Even when Q was being passive, Dib had never found his tone to be this pleasant. "Increase the win rate while I'm gone and as soon as I get back, make it plummet likeJifdlg when I threw him off that roof." Dib took a step back as she rolled her head to look at him. "Oh, don't give me that look." She scoffed sounding truly offended. "He survived." She slowly withdrew her hands from her glassy-eyed employees as she bounced toward the exit. "I think." She stopped just shy of the threshold, her body cracking and warping again until she looked like one of the pastel-skinned natives.
"You won't regret this!" Therron had the tone of an over-eager car salesman. "You'll be back feeding off of the misery of drunken parental figures gambling away their future in no time!"
"I had better be." Though her tone was still sweet, it made Dib's blood run cold. It did feel a little unfair as the threat was really geared towards Therron, who couldn't hear her.
They made their way back to the beach to see the war of the water guns had now ramped up to the point that Carrius was in a fortress made of sand and manning water-turrets that Dib could only assume were his parents' creation as he saw them working vigorously on adding improvements. Zim was trying to lead an all-out rebellion with Tenn but Carrius seemed to be winning. Dib scanned the area for Skoodge and Lor. It took a bit, but he found the two standing far back, closer to the city's edge than the water's. "We brought H."
"Perfect." Skoodge looked to the disguised Parasite. "I think that Dreyxian is an Irken, can you confirm it?" H went quiet for a moment.
"Yes. But it's not the only one. There is also an Acrilian that is disguised. Over there."
"She says yes; but there is a possible Acrilian accomplice." Dib relayed.
"Well fuck. That complicates things." Skoodge looked deeply concerned. "But that is why I wanted to get the Parasite to take a look. I was afraid of missing something like this. We need to capture them before they get any big information to the Control Brains." He went quiet. "Okay, Dib," At least Skoodge had gotten his name right. It only took a year. "Do you still have that EMP you threatened CB with?"
"Yes?" Dib had still carried it around, but more for his own peace of mind.
"It won't do us good on Irk ad it would devastate the planet, but here we might be able to use it. How wide is the range?"
"Not very, about thirty feet in all directions."
"That won't hit them both..." he frowned. "We'll need CB too. And a good distraction." Skoodge was in full out planning mode. "Something so strange that a computer won't know what to make of it. In that delay we'll EMP one and use CB to deactivate the other."
"Won't the EMP kill the Irken?" Dib had always been a little unclear on it.
"Not if we get the PAK back online in five minutes. We have two Syndicate medics on site." Skoodge looked to Lor. "Think you can keep an Irken from dying?"
"I can probably stabilize the body, sure. But we'll need someone who knows PAK repair." Lor nodded, seriously.
"Zim can do a pretty good job. He fixed mine." Skoodge seemed to have every basis covered. Again, Dib found himself glad that he had faced off with Zim, rather than a real Invader.
"I can take the EMP. I don't carry any electronics and the Irken won't be able to sense me." Dib relayed H's volunteering to Skoodge.
"What is going to stop you from using it on us?" Skoodge narrowed his human eyes at her.
"What would I gain?"
"She says she had nothing to gain." Dib was getting frustrated at being the interpreter. But this was probably better than the deep, sultry baritone that Q had on his translator.
"I don't think she'll betray us." Therron spoke up. "Historically speaking, Parasites operate in a selfish manner. I don't mean that in a bad way. Killing us gains her no food save for maybe some of the Syndicate might be upset- but she has everything to lose from the Control Brains taking over Acrilia. They are a highly intelligent race, Parasites; she isn't going to shoot herself in the foot. It's the same reason Q hasn't really attacked anyone while on the ship." As Therron finished talking, he realized Skoodge and Dib were both staring at him. "What!?" He demanded looking annoyed by their surprise. "I know stuff!"
"Where is this information coming from?" Skoodge looked completely blown away.
"The Syndicate, mostly." Therron shrugged. "Irken research on Parasites isn't great since we don't cross them very often." Everyone still looked shocked so he huffily continued: "We have a Parasite that actively hangs around us. I had to figure out why! I didn't trust him."
"Q is most likely going to make nice with the big-bad space governments for his own protection." H was examining the hands of her Acrilian body. "Last I heard he was injured and M was moving in on his territory. Probably to kill him. But M dropped off the radar a bit ago, so maybe he killed her. I don't really know and I don't care so long as all the others stay far away from Acrilia and the five surrounding planets. They're mine."
"I don't think she'll use it on you guys either." Lor spoke up. Dib had almost forgotten he was no longer the only one who could hear H.
"Fine. We have the medics on standby anyway and since neither of them are Irken, the EMP wouldn't affect them." Skoodge crossed his arms as he cast his gaze downward, still deep in thought. "Now we need CB and a good distraction."
"I... I think I have an idea... for the distraction." Dib hesitantly raised his hand. "I can get CB too."
"I should get Pawl in on the plan since we'll need to stabilize the Irken who gets hit with the EMP." Lor added.
"Good plan." Skoodge nodded to the doctor. "Everyone get in position. We'll wait for Dib's distraction. Therron, help me make sure we keep an eye on the Dreyxian."
"Good luck, hon." Lor took Dib's hand for a moment as everyone began splitting off into groups. He leaned in, giving him a quick kiss before running to find Pawl who was climbing up one of the trees to get away from Vero and his water gun. Dib ran back to his sister who was now Carrius's executioner- according to her name tag and her water-ax.
"Hey Gaz, can I borrow the cobra gun?"
"Why?" She lowered her weapon to look at him.
"It's complicated and I don't have a lot of time." She looked him up and down. Gaz always had a way of telling when things got too serious.
"Yeah sure." She ran to her bag and pulled it out, throwing it to Dib. Dib immediately ran to CB who was mostly staying out of the fight and watching GIR shove sand in the mouth of his dog suit to the point where it was bursting at the seams.
"CB, you need to talk to Skoodge. Like now."
"Is something wrong?"
"Yes. Now go."
"Should I alert father and the others?"
"No no, we have it handled but we need you. This is a situation for a Control Brain."
"But what if-"
"CB you don't have time to argue with me. Argue with Skoodge. Isn't he like your other dad?"
"I... maybe?"
"Good, now go." The comment had at least diffused the conversation before CB psyched himself out again about being a Control Brain. Dib waited until he saw Skoodge and CB deep in conversation and CB nodding before he went to the sand-stuffed GIR and handed him the Cobra-canon.
"WHAT'S THIS!?" the little arms were almost too full to do more than a little wiggle.
"It's a gun that shoots snakes with knives on the end. Go nuts." All the sand exploded out of GIR's dog suit through small holes on the sides as he grabbed the gun excitedly firing it into the air.
"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Dib immediately regretted his decision.
He had to dodge as angry, hissing, cobras fused with knives began to rain down. GIR bolted through the beach and in no time, everything was in complete chaos.
"Cadet Membrane!" Captain Rose caught on quickly as she ran forward, gun drawn, Fluorine and the other Syndicate behind her. "Have you lost your fucking mind!?"
"I can explain, just wait till Skoodge comes back." Dib knew he'd be in trouble. But if it worked...
He turned to see screaming Acrilians and other aliens running in all directions. But... not from GIR? He looked to see the lights were all out in a small area near the boardwalk. H, now back in her Parasite form was holding a limp Irken by the collar. She skipped over, tossing it on the ground at the Captain's feet. Lor and Pawl were instantly on it, trying to stabilize the body.
"Invaders!" He could hear the word translated through Syndicate technology. "INVADERS!"
"Calm down everyone! We have this under control!" Captain Rose flashed her badge as she quickly tried to calm the masses. Acrilian security was beginning to flood in as Skoodge and CB returned, holding a second Irken by the arm. The Irken looked dazed, blinking their crimson eyes in the sun.
"Where am I? What happened?" It was a female Irken, judging by the curled antennae and the voice.
"Zim," Skoodge had finally returned with CB in tow "CB was able to recode this Irken. Do you think to can fix the PAK and get her accomplice recoded?"
"Accomplice? What?" The Irken looked completely out of it. "This isn't the Massive! I'm supposed to be on the Massive!"
"Oh hey!" Therron had strolled back over to see the chaos. "Isn't that the Irken that tried to kill us on Ielea-12?"
"Oh shit! It is!" Voel's eyes widened.
"Can everyone get back on the ship RIGHT NOW!?" Captain Rose looked rather upset at everything that had unfolded. "I want to know what the actual fuck just happened and I want to know five minutes ago! You have NO idea the amount of paperwork you all just cost me!"
"Captain, don't be like that. Look on the bright side!" Zim tried to cheer her up, despite the fact that Dib knew, for a fact, Zim had no idea what was happening. "At least you lost Tak in all of this."
"I'm right here!" Tak retorted, bitterly, from just a little to Zim's left.
"Ah well," Zim gave a little shrug. "Then, I got nothing."
"The bright side is that we stopped these spies from alerting the Control Brains. " Skoodge replied coolly.
"Yeah, but we still have Tak so was it a real win?" Zim questioned.
"Shut up Zim," Tak gritted her teeth, "or I swear I will shoot you."
"No one is shooting anyone. Except me shooting everyone- maybe." The Captain rubbed her head. "So, get back on the ship and we'll sort this all out. By our next stop I want incident reports from all of you! In triplicate! Because we aren't stopping again till Irk."
All right! Next update is the Anniversary chapter for FtGoI! Start thinking of some questions you might want to ask! I'll have the Q&A open starting at next weeks update!
