Whoo here's the next chapter! I'm so tired right now, but I wanted to go ahead and get this up. Hope you enjoy! :)
Chapter 21
Ben and Allison spent all of their remaining free time together. They went bowling and had picnics downtown on the waterfront. She had practice for the church every night so they spent all of their days together. He spent time with this father while she was at practice and he told her about the time he was spending with Allison. On Tuesday night, he came home and his dad was sitting in the living room. When Ben came in, he stood up, with something in his hand. He looked down at what his dad was holding, and then looked back up at him,
"What is it, dad?"
"This came in the mail today, Ben. It's from the Air Force."
His dad handed it to him and left the room. He sat down on the couch and opened it up, dreading what he was about to read. When he got done reading it, he put it down and sighed; he could feel his heart start to ache. He knew it was coming, but to officially see it and see how long he was going to be gone for was heartbreaking. He sighed again and put his head in his hands.
The rest of the evening went by slowly. He went outside and backed his truck up to the garage and hooked the boat trailer up to it. He told Allison that he would take her out fishing in the river. He put all of the rods and reels in the back seat and headed inside. When he went inside, his dad didn't say anything to him; he probably figured Ben still needed to be alone. His eyes were drawn to the letter sitting on the table. He had thought about it for almost two hours; long after he had read it.
Eighteen months; he would be away from everyone and everything he loved for eighteen months. He thought continuously of this, and of Allison. He had to tell her and he was scared of her reaction; what if she said she couldn't do it? It wouldn't be fair to make her wait a year and a half for him. He had been running through a million scenarios in his head ever since he had read it. He didn't know what he would do if she said she couldn't do it. He loved her so much and, though they had only met a little over two weeks ago, he couldn't imagine her not being in his life. Two weeks; it had only been two weeks since he had met her, but it felt like he had known her forever.
He went and got in the shower and then went in the living room where his father was sitting in his recliner. Ben sat down on the couch and they were silent for a while before his father asked,
"How long do you go back for?"
"Eighteen months." His father sighed and shook his head. They were silent again until he asked,
"Does Allison have any idea?" He swallowed the lump in his throat and shook his head,"
"No, she thinks I'm only going to be gone for half of that time."
"You didn't give her any warning at all that it was going to be longer?" He shook his head and his dad sighed,
"Oh, Ben, you should have at least prepared her for it; this is going to blindside her."
"I know, I've been thinking about it ever since I read it."
"Well, you need to tell her as soon as you see her again." He nodded and they were silent once again. After a couple of minutes, Ben said,
"Well I'm going to head to bed, okay?"
"Okay, and hey, if I don't see you in the morning, good luck." He gave a weak smile,
"Thanks."
He drove to Allison's house the next morning, with the letter in his pocket. When he got to her house, he walked up to the door and knocked on it. When she stepped out the front door, he smiled and couldn't help but stare at her. She had on a pair of shorts and a spaghetti strap tank top over her bathing suit. She had on a pair of sunglasses and a picnic basket in her hand; she had promised to make them a picnic lunch to eat on the boat. When she walked out, she smiles and stood up on her tiptoes and kissed him.
They unloaded the boat at the Kure Beach marina. They rode out, but not too far out. She had made it perfectly clear that she wanted to be able to see the shore. They rode around for about fifteen minutes before he let Allison drive. She came up and sat on his lap and he showed her where the throttle was and what to do. Though she gunned it a couple of times at first, she quickly got the hang of it. She drove for about twenty minutes until she handed the controls back to him. She stayed on his lap, one arm around his neck, as he found a good spot for them to fish.
They ended up fishing for about an hour and a half before taking a break and eating the lunch Allison had packed. She had packed him a peanut butter sandwich and a pack of Doritos, which he had asked for the night before. She had packed for herself a turkey sandwich and a pack of Doritos, also.
They ate at the back of the boat on the 'couch.' They talked about different things and he told her that his father was going to come to her church on Sunday to watch her sing; this excited her to no end. He then felt the elephant hanging in his pocket. He had still avoided the subject; he didn't want to ruin their last full day together. He had promised himself that he would tell her before the afternoon was over.
They finished eating and fished a couple of more hours before he put his rod down and took his shirt off.
"Are you hot?"
"Yeah, a little bit." He shrugged his shoulder,
"Let's go swimming"
"What? In the ocean?" He laughed,
"Yeah in the ocean; where else would we go swimming?"
"But there are sharks and jellyfish in there…"
"Don't worry about them, they won't mess with you. They're more scared of you than you are of them."
"I don't think so…"
"Well you stay up here and be hot then."
He then hopped over the edge of the boat and into the water. He heard her call his name as he jumped and, a couple of seconds later, he popped back up.
"Come on!"
"No it's too cold."
"Fine; I guess I'll have to enjoy this all by myself." He floated on his back and she seemed to be debating until she finally took off her tank top and slipped off her shorts. He smiled and popped back up to face her.
"Will you catch me?"
"Of course."
"Do you promise?" He smiled,
"I promise."
She nodded before holding her nose and jumping over the side of the boat. He caught her and she popped back up. He smiled,
"See, that wasn't bad at all, was it?"
"No, it wasn't; it was fun, actually. Let's do it again."
They spent the next hour in the water. They jumped off of the side of the boat, hand in hand, over and over again. He also held her as she floated on her back. He held her head as she extended her arms on both sides and closed her eyes. He smiled and couldn't help but stare at her as she lay out before him. He looked at his watch and saw that it was nearing 3:00. Though it was still early, he knew the time was coming for him to tell her the truth about how long he would be returning to Afghanistan for. She adjusted her body, breaking his concentration. He smiled and kissed her stomach as she laughed and squirmed.
"Oh, you're ticklish right there?" She laughed,
"No, of course not."
"I think you are." He kissed her stomach again and she squirmed and sat up, splashing him,
"Stop, it tickles." He laughed and splashed her back,
"What? You just said it didn't tickle."
They splashed back and forth for a few minutes until he said,
"Okay, okay, I give up."
"Good, that's what I was hoping for." He smiled as she said,
"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm waterlogged."
"Me too, do you want to head back?" She shrugged her shoulders,
"Well, how about we cuddle up on the boat and dry off for a few?" He smiled, how could he say no to that?
They swam to the back of the boat and he helped her stand up on the propeller and get in. After he helped her in, he did the same thing and hopped in. He sat down and leaned up against the side of the boat. She sat down in between his legs and leaned her head against his chest.
They sat, cuddling and laughing and kissing for the next hour. They talked about her church practices and he told her what he and his dad had been doing while she was practicing. Afterwards, there was a silence and Ben knew the time was near for him to tell her the truth. A knot formed in his throat as he realized the time was now. He reached for her hand,
"Allison I have to tell you something."
"What is it?"
He took a deep breath and got up and walked across the boat and got the letter out of his shirt pocket. He picked it up and flattened it out against his chest and took a deep breath before turning around and handing it to her. She looked at him,
"What's that?"
"Read it."
She took it, reluctantly, and started to read it. He sat on the edge of the boat, across from her, and put his elbows on his knees. When she was done reading it, she looked up at him with a curious expression,
"I don't understand."
"Allison-"
"I thought you said nine months?"
"It usually is nine months."
"Then why does this say eighteen months?" He saw tears start to form in her eyes and his heart started to ache,
"Because I only went back for a couple of days; I was on a two-week leave before and then I only went back for a couple of days before I was granted an emergency leave because of my mom." She shook her head in confusion.
"Allison-"
"Wait, did you know that you would be going back for longer than nine months?"
He looked away, wishing he had been honest with her from the beginning and wishing he didn't have to say what he was about to.
"Yeah, I knew."
"And you didn't tell me?" He could hear the hurt in her voice and his heart started to ache even more. He knelt down in front of her,
"No, and I'm sorry. I didn't want you to worry about it; I didn't know for sure if it would be longer, I just found out yesterday."
"But you were pretty sure, weren't you?" He sighed and nodded, admitting the truth,
"Yeah, I knew it was going to be longer."
She looked away and he saw tears start to fall down her cheeks and her lip started to quiver. He felt tears start to form in his own eyes and he reached for her hand,
"Allison-" She shook her head and turned her head away from him. He looked down and she finally asked,
"Can we head back to the truck?"
The ride back to the marina and the forty-five minute ride back to her house were silent. She was hurt and upset and he knew it was all because of him. He wished he would have been honest with her and wished he could change it. When they got back to her house, they pulled into the driveway. When they walked in, she walked to the kitchen to put up the picnic basket and he waited for her in the living room. He waited for a couple of minutes and, when she didn't come back, he walked in the kitchen. She was standing in the middle of the kitchen, with her head down.
He took a couple of steps closer to her and realized she was crying silently. He stopped and she turned to face him. He could see the tears on her cheeks. He hated this; he hated seeing Allison this way. He wanted to see her smile, he wanted her to be happy and he hated that he was the reason they were being replaced with tears and sadness. She looked at him and said, barely audible,
"Please leave me alone, Ben."
"Allison-"
"Please, Ben, just leave me alone. I need to change before we go back out anyway."
Though he wanted to talk to her so they could work this out, he forced himself to leave. He walked out the front door and pounded down the steps, cursing himself and the letter and everything it stood for.
When he got back to his house, it was already going on 6:00. He figured he would leave to go back to Allison's house at 6:15. With the drive back home and the drive to her house again, that would give her nearly an hour to get ready and to be alone. His father was in the living room, but Ben didn't walk, in there, for he realized he needed some time alone, as well. He took a quick shower and put on a pair of jeans and a thin, long-sleeve shirt. He went to grab his keys off of the kitchen table as his father walked in to meet him. They didn't say anything at first, but then his father asked,
"How was your day?" Ben knew what he really wanted to know, so he skipped the introduction,
"I told her."
"What did she say?"
"Not much. She told me to leave her alone; that she needed time to think."
"Ben, I told you you should've told her from the beginning."
"I know, and I've spent all day wishing I could go back in time and change it, but I can't. And I'm just going to have to see what she says."
"Yeah, that's the only thing you can do Are you going to see her again tonight?"
"Yeah, I'm about to leave in a minute."
"Okay, and listen, she's probably still upset, so don't expect too much, all right?"
As he drove to Allison's house, his nerves were through the roof. He had no idea what to expect and he prayed the entire way there. He was cared of what she was going to say; she could easily tell him that she couldn't do it. He was praying that wouldn't be the case and, as he approached her house, he knew he would find out in about five minutes. Her mom answered the door and let him in,
"Are you hungry? I have leftovers from last night."
"No thank you. Actually-"
"You were looking for Allison."
"Yes ma'am." Her expression turned sad and he started to worry.
"She's in her room. And, Ben, please don't be too disappointed in her."
Now he was definitely worried. He walked down the hallway to her room and saw that her door was halfway open. Before going in, he took a deep breath and knocked on the door. He stuck his head in and his mouth suddenly became dry; she was sitting on her bed with her head in her hands. He knocked on the door again and she finally looked up at him. He saw tears streaming down her cheeks and she had on the same clothes that she had had on all day, which meant that she didn't get ready while he was gone. His mouth was dry as he asked,
"Are you okay?"
"No, no I don't think so." He didn't know whether to go comfort her or to just stand where he was. He had never been in this position before so he just stood where he was. She didn't say anything for a while but she eventually patted the bed beside her and said,
"Here, come sit down."
He tried to swallow the lump in this throat, but he couldn't. He sat down on the bed beside her and saw that her eyes were red and swollen. He took a deep breath and jumped right in,
"Allison, I'm sorry."
"Ben, don't."
"Just let me get this out. I'm sorry I didn't tell you that it was going to be longer than nine months. I didn't want you to be worried about it and I didn't want you to be upset. I wanted out time together to be perfect and I didn't stop to think about how it might affect you. I'm sorry."
She didn't say anything for a while and Ben began to worry even more. She finally said, without looking at him,
"I don't think I can do this, Ben." His heart dropped,
"What?"
"I can't do this."
He reached for her hand, confused. This couldn't be happening. He loved Allison with all of this heart; it couldn't end just like that.
"Allison, please don't say that. I love you so much, please." She looked away and shook her head, tears flowing from her eyes,
"I can't, Ben." His heart dropped even further and it felt on the verge of breaking.
"What about everything we've been through? I love you, Allison. I told you I was willing to do anything to make this work and I am. Just tell me what you want and I'll do it. But please don't tell me it's over. You're all that matters to me and I…"
He looked away as tears started to fill his eyes. She put her hand on his and he looked at her. She didn't say anything at first and he saw tears fall down her cheeks. She looked away,
"I can't, Ben."
He felt his heart break. He stood up and crossed the room as tears fell down his cheeks. This couldn't be happening. He didn't understand; everything was perfect between them. Now everything seemed to be falling apart. He turned around to face her and she had her head down.
"What happened? Everything was perfect. You're everything I ever wanted, Allison, and I want this more than I've ever wanted anything. What happened? You told me you were willing to take that risk, too." She was crying now and she said, in between the sobs,
"I thought I could. I love you, Ben, and I don't want you to think that I don't. It was easy to say that because we had time left together, but now I'm not so sure. And you didn't do anything wrong; nothing. This is all me and my weakness. But I can't do it, I'm so sorry." Her voice cracked and his heart did the same. He looked away, tears still in his eyes. He was angry, upset, confused, sad and every other emotion.
"So, what? It's over? Just like that?" She didn't say anything and he swallowed the lump that was still in his throat,
"Can I write to you?"
"I think it would be best if we don't talk at all." If his heart was still together at all, it broke when she said this.
"Allison, please-"
"Don't Ben; I'm sorry, I need to be alone."
"So this is it? This is the last time I'm ever going to see you or talk to you?"
"I think so."
He shook his head, his anger starting to come to the surface. He was going to day something, but he decided not to. He took one last look at her and forced himself to walk out of her room and down the hallway. He walked past the kitchen and saw her mom look his way. He didn't say anything, nor did he stop. He pounded down the steps and slammed the door to his truck shut. Allison didn't follow him, nor did she try and stop him.
As he drove back to his house, he was still in shock. Though he knew there was a possibility that she would say she couldn't make it, he never thought it would actually happen. As he drove, he saw more than a couple of people stare at him For what they were seeing was a man with tears streaming down his face, and a man trying to understand how everything in his life had fallen apart so quickly.
Oh no! D: What in the world Heidi... I know, i'm a horrible person. Stay tuned to see what happens! What ya'll thinking about it so far? Give a sista a review! :)
