Chapter 18
"I … I didn't think you'd come," Harry finally said numbly. "Is it safe? For you to be here, I mean."
Snape nodded. Harry noticed that he looked haggard and pale, but he was so relieved to see the man standing in front of him that he ignored that for now. Even as recently as a few weeks ago he would have never imaged he'd be so glad to see Snape.
"I knew that it was important to you," the man said simply.
His voice was hoarse and drawn, and Harry had to sudden impulse to reach out and steady him. He was hesitant however. While they had been living in the same house and playing at father and son, they hadn't really reached the point of open touching yet. Harry wasn't sure how Snape would reach if he acted like he saw weakness either.
"Do you want to come in, Sir," he finally asked.
"I do not think that is a good idea," came the reply.
"Oh."
Harry's heart sank. He had a sudden vision of Snape visiting him briefly to wish him well on his birthday and then disappearing again on his secret spying mission. It must have shown on his face, because Snape raised an eyebrow.
"Whatever you're about to say, I suggest you wait until I have finished."
Harry nodded, holding in the mixed emotions of anger, fear, relief and doubt that were warring within him. He fought between his twin desires to bunch Snape in the jaw or envelope him in a hug. Instead, he just folded his arms and waited as instructed.
"You should enjoy your party, Harry," Snape continued in a low voice that, while firm, was not unsympathetic. "I am safe. I am not going anywhere. I will go get some rest and we will talk more in the morning."
"Wait, what?" Harry cried. That was not a satisfactory response. "You're staying?"
"I am staying," Snape said.
"But how? What about—"
Holding up a hand, Snape stopped him from further questions or protests. "As I said, I will tell you in the morning. It is done though. I will tell you as much as I can, but I will not tell you more than that. No doubt it will not be enough to satisfy you, but it will be as much as you will get. You will have to accept that. You will not pester me about it."
"But-"
"Harry," Snape said, "I am tired. I need to go and take some potions and get some rest. I have not slept in forty-eight hours. Go back to your party."
"But I don't want to!" Harry said. "I want to see you. I want to talk to you, and find out where you've been … or if you don't want to talk about it now that's okay too. I will just sit with you. Or I can take care of you. Let me help take care of you! What potions do you need? Do you need a pain potion? I can get it for you."
Harry stepped forward frantically, trying to see for himself if and where Snape was injured. He knew he probably sounded deranged, but he needed to be with the man now. After all they had been through, this was the closest he had to a family.
"No," Snape said sternly. "You will do what you are told. You have two choices, Harry. You can go back to your party, or you can go up to your room because you are being punished for disobedience. Either way, you are not coming anywhere with me."
Harry frowned, ready to start arguing again. Snape sighed and put his hand on Harry's shoulder gently. It was the first softness he had felt from the man since he'd arrived.
"Harry, I am tired. I know you have probably been worried. I am fine. Go back to your party. Is this really how you want to spend this evening? Do you want to get in trouble right now?" Snape asked quietly.
"No, Sir," Harry shook his head.
"Good boy." Snape clapped his hand gently on Harry's shoulder and turned and went down the hall out of sight.
As soon as he left, Harry found himself slinking to the floor in tears. He did not even realize it when he found himself starting to cry. It was a catharsis of emotion that needed a release. Snape had become important to him. He had spent so much time worrying about him, and whether or not he was alive or dead, whether he was being tortured and how, and when or if he would come home, that all of that pent-up emotion had to go somewhere.
"Harry, is that you?"
Hermione must have called his name several times, because the look she gave him when she kneeled down in front of him was one of genuine concern. She watched him carefully before saying anything, and then handed him a handkerchief.
"Are you okay?" She asked gently. "What happened? Did he leave?"
"I'm okay, Hermione," Harry said as he dried his eyes. Part of him was embarrassed that she found him crying in the hallway like a toddler, but a larger part cared less. They had seen each other in far worse over the years. She had certainly seen him cry before. "He didn't leave. He's upstairs. He wouldn't let me go with him. He said he needed to rest."
"Well, that's good, isn't it?" Hermione said brightly. "He's going to stay then? He's just tired? Or is he injured?"
"I'm not really sure," Harry said carefully. "He didn't really tell me. I tried to get him to let me go help him, but he said I had to go back to the party. He wouldn't let me go with him, Hermione!"
If Hermione was taken aback by the bitterness in Harry's voice, she didn't let on. She just nodded and reached out to take his hand. Despite the tension between them lately, he let her.
"Well, he's back," she said, "that's all that matters."
Harry nodded, feeling empty. He knew he should just be happy Snape was back, but instead he was full of questions about what had happened while he was gone. Looking up at Hermione, he grimaced.
"What did the adults do?"
"What do you mean?"
"Don't you think it's weird that none of them followed him out? He's been gone a long time. You'd think they'd want news," Harry said.
"Well, they probably thought the two of you should get some time alone," Hermione said thoughtfully.
"And now?" Harry said. "Will they go and have some secret meeting we aren't allowed in?"
"I don't know, Harry," Hermione said carefully. "Didn't you say Snape was resting?"
"That's what he told me," Harry said with a snort. "Will he though? Doesn't he need to report to Dumbledore? He just left Voldemort! He must have so much important news."
"Harry," Hermione had a warning in her voice, "maybe you should leave this alone."
"Why, Hermione?" Harry asked. "Why should I leave it alone? Don't you think I have a right to know? This war is about me!"
From the look on her face, Harry could tell Hermione thought that Harry was taking that a little too far. He glared at her. He was tired of people not taking him seriously.
"Harry, maybe if they keep information from you, they have a reason," Hermione said.
Harry stood up, anger pulsing through his veins. They had already had this argument. If she wanted to side with Dumbledore and everyone else that was trying to keep things from him, then as far as he was concerned, she was against him too. He walked angrily down the hall, away from the party and ignoring her calls for him to stop.
When he got upstairs, the first thing Harry did was check to see if there was noise around Snape's rooms. Adults could apparate inside the house, after all. There was no one in the hallway, so he walked over to the door and put his ear quietly up to it. He could hear nothing inside, but that didn't mean anything. They probably had used a silencing spell.
Quickly and quietly, Harry went to his room to fetch his extendable ears, hidden at the bottom of his trunk. Then he carefully returned to the hallway and let it creep toward Snape's door. As soon as it was underneath, his efforts were rewarded.
"… was there the entire time?"
"Of course. Do you take me for a fool?"
Harry could hear the voices of Remus and Snape. He was wondering how many people were in there when he heard Sirius's voice come in a harsh bark. The sound made Harry's stomach clench.
"Do you think he can handle it, Snape?"
"He can," Snape said calmly, "I would not have suggested it otherwise."
"He's a …"
Harry did not hear exactly what "he" was, because the comment was cut off by exclamations from the others in the room. There were definitely more people than just Sirius and Remus in the room with Snape.
"Now, boys," Dumbledore said gently, "there's no need for that. Calling names never accomplished anything, did it Sirius?"
"I suppose not, Headmaster," Sirius agreed, not sounding at all sorry for whatever he'd said.
"Remember that whatever you think of him, Lucius is risking his life," Dumbledore said gravely. "If he had not agreed to take over your position as spy, this would never have worked as smoothly as it has.
There was no response from anyone in the room, but Harry's insides had grown cold. He was hoping that he had not heard that right. It couldn't be.
"I don't care, Headmaster," Sirius said, echoing Harry's own thoughts, "I don't trust him. Never have."
"He's been deep undercover from almost as long as Severus has, Sirius," Dumbledore said, a little more stiffly.
"That's not exactly true though, is it," Remus spoke this time," only since the end of Harry's second year. And you had to essentially threaten him into it. I might agree with Sirius here."
"I simply helped him see the threat to his own child that Voldemort was," Dumbledore said, "I did not coerce him. Severus?"
"This is old territory," Snape's tired but firm voice broke in. "I would never have agreed to this fool plan if Lucius was not solid. What do you take me for? My neck is the one on the line!"
"And so is Harry's" Sirius shouted.
"Gentlemen," Dumbledore's voice had a finality to it that Harry recognized. "Nothing can be changed now. We must put faith in the fact that he will do his job, and we will do ours. The end result will be that we will win the war."
There was some mumbling after that, but it seemed to Harry that the meeting was breaking up. He tried to pull the extendable ears back as quickly as he could before he was found with them. Unfortunately, the door opened as he was still pulling it. He wished he had decided to use magic instead, even though Molly didn't allow it.
"Well."
Harry looked up to see that Remus was watching him pull the string of the extendable ear. He shrugged in what he hoped was a nonchalant manner and pulled the last of it up. As he was about to put it in his pocket, Remus held out his hadn't and cleared his throat.
"Oh, come on," Harry tried not to make it sound like he was whining. "No one tells me anything! Don't you think I deserve to know?"
Remus kept his hand out and Harry put the extendable ears into it, slamming them down harder than was strictly necessary. He looked up at Remus with a pout. He really did not want to get in trouble for this, but he was still glad he knew. Processing the information was leaving him reeling.
"I'm keeping this," Remus said. "Since it is your birthday, I won't tell Severus. Do try to stay out of trouble, will you?"
