Here's the next chapter! Hope you guys enjoy! :)


Chapter 34

He stared out of the window almost the entire plane ride. He saw a fellow Air Force recruit and Ben wondered if he was hurting as much as Ben was. They showed a couple of movies but he wasn't really up for watching anything. After what had seemed like days, the plane finally began descending into Afghanistan.

The cab driver picked him up from the airport and drove him to the base. When they got there, he got his things out of the trunk and tipped the driver. He turned around to face the base as he slung his bag over his shoulder and began walking. He was surprised that Tyler wasn't out there to greet him, but figured he was either busy with something or waiting for him in his room.

He finally got to his room and opened the door. What he saw nearly shocked him; the room was almost completely empty. He understood why his side was empty; he had just gotten back, but he couldn't understand why Tyler's side of the room was empty. He put his bag down on his bed when he heard a knock on the door. He turned around and saw one of his buddies standing in the doorway.

"Hey, Ben, welcome back." He crossed the room and came over to him and extended his hand and Ben took it and smiled,

"Hey, Ethan, thank you." Ethan looked around, losing the smile on his face.,

It's a shame, isn't it?"

"What's a shame?"

"You don't know?"

"Know what?" He asked, curious. Ethan sighed,

"Tyler got killed in his mission, Ben." His stomach dropped,

"What?" Ethan nodded,

"He flew into a huge cloud of smoke, the hugest cloud I've ever seen, and I don't know I guess he panicked. His plane crashed in the woods. We found him and he was dead when we got to him, Ben. There wasn't anything any of us could do."

Ben looked away and walked over to the window and looked out of it. He couldn't believe it; he had just gotten a letter from him a couple of days ago. He kept picturing Tyler in the cockpit of the plane panicking and wondering what to do. Ethan interrupted his thoughts and said,

"We found a letter in here when we came and packed up his things; it's for you."

"For me?" Ethan nodded and reached into his back pocket and pulled out the letter and handed it to him. Ben took it and Ethan said,

"Well, I have to head back to the cafeteria; welcome back and I'm sorry for the loss."

"Thank you, I appreciate it."

Ethan nodded and went out of the room and closed the door, leaving Ben alone. When he was gone, Ben took a deep breath and looked down at the letter, still not fully believing that Tyler was gone and hoping it was all a joke. He hoped Tyler would come busting through the door, with Ethan beside him saying that he was only kidding. But it didn't look like that was going to happen; no matter how much Ben was praying.

When he was ready, he looked back down at the envelope in his hands and took another deep breath. He tore open the envelope and unfolded the paper and began reading, imagining Tyler sitting at the desk across the room. He sighed and began reading,

Ben,

You have been an excellent friend and roommate. You have made my time in the Air Force truly memorable, especially the first time we went flying together. You were my big brother and my best friend, by far. You showed me around and kept me under protection. I look up to you as a recruit, as a man, as a brother, and as a friend.

I'm getting ready to head out on this mission and I'm kind of nervous; they say it's a huge fire. If I don't come back, I just wanted to tell you how much you've impacted my life and how much you've changed it. I told you my girlfriend broke up with me, right? I still can't believe it. I'm still devastated and I don't know when I'm ever going to recover from it.

But I'm mentioning this because I have something to tell you. Do you remember when Matt's wife filed for divorce? And the reasons for doing so? I realized that my girlfriend broke up with me for the same exact same reasons. Matt's wife divorced him. She said it was too hard for her; she couldn't handle the stress it put on her. She said the two weeks we spend together when I'm home are the happiest and most wonderful weeks of her life but when they're over, she becomes 'severely depressed' and she can 'barely function.' Those were her own words. She's worried all of the time and she said she can't do it anymore; her mental health depended on it.

I love her so much, Ben. I know I'm only 19 and I'm supposedly too young to know what love feels like, but I can promise you I know what it is and I love her with all of my heart. I realized after I talked to her; I called her on the phone after she sent me that letter that as much as I love her, I can't be with her. If I truly love her, I'll let her go. If being with me causes her so much pain, I wouldn't want her to be with me. I want her to be happy and obviously being with me doesn't make her happy. I want to be the guy that makes her happy, but I'm not. She deserves way more than I can give her and I'm glad she'll finally be able to find someone who can give her what she deserves.

You're probably wondering why I'm telling you all of this; I thought it would be obvious. I don't really have any family and you're, by far, my best friend. I needed to let all of this out and tell it to someone; you were the first person to come to mind. I hope you're doing okay and, hopefully, I'll see you when you come back. If something happens and I don't, well, just know how much you've affected my life. Thanks for being the person I told this all to; like you had a choice, right? Once again, hope you're doing all right.

Tyler


After reading Tyler's letter, he was speechless. Like the last letter Tyler had written to him, he was reminded of how mature Tyler actually was. To have his girlfriend break up with him and for him to think and rationalize as clear as he was, was amazing. He read the letter again, paying attention to the reasons Tyler's girlfriend broke up with him.

She was severely depressed and could barely function. She was worried all the time and her mental health depended on her decision. He read what Tyler had said about them breaking up; if he truly loved her, he would let her go. He wanted her to be happy and being with him caused her so much pain that he wouldn't have wanted to be with her and keep hurting her.

Reading Tyler's letter couldn't help but make him look at his relationship with Allison, despite how much he tried not to. He wondered if she felt the same way Tyler's girlfriend and Matt's wife had felt. He prayed that his case was different; that the things they did while he was away was enough to keep Allison's worry at bay. Like Tyler, he would never want Allison to e in so much pain, just because of him.

He had to get his mind off of Tyler's letter and the fact that Tyler was gone. He put the letter on the table beside his bed and went down to the cafeteria where Ethan and a few other guys were hanging out. When they saw Ben approaching, they all hooted and hollered and a couple of them came over to him and patted him on the back. They led him to the table and Ethan stood up and patted him on the back as well.

"Ben! How are you? What did the letter say? Here, sit down; move over guys." Ben smiled and sat down and shook his head,

"Nothing, just small talk. But, hey, let's go down to the bar and have a few drinks, my treat."

Everyone hollered again and all stood up and Ben followed them outside. He didn't really want to have a drink, but he couldn't be alone. He needed to clear his mind especially after reading what he had read and the thoughts that had followed; thoughts he never wanted to think again.


The Air Force planned to have a service dedicated to Tyler on October 23rd, almost a month after Ben got back. He woke up on that morning feeling sad and depressed. Nothing much had happened in the month he had been back. He had started flying and loved every second of it. He had gone to a couple of classes and continued to attend the 'church' the recruit had been having in his room.

He had received a few letters from Allison since he'd been back. She had stayed busy; trying to balance her college schedule along with her social life and free time. She had begun hanging out with a group of her friends, going to out to eat and to a couple of karaoke bars downtown. She had described them as an awesome group of people and she was so happy she had met them.

She had continued to sing with her church and had actually gotten her new group of friends to come and check it out. She was pleased to announce that they were now accompanying her every week. Ben wondered what his father thought about that.

Along with letters from Allison, he received letters from his dad, too. He had not mentioned Allison's new group of friends and Ben figured he would ask him the next time he wrote to him. Unlike Allison, his father's schedule remained unchanged. He still went to work at 7:30 and got home at 4:30 every day and continued to attend church with Allison every Sunday.

Ben had also began hanging out with a new crowd; Ethan and the guys he had gone to the bar with his first night back. They were good guys; all had families and were dead set on fighting for their country and returning home to their families. Ben fit in with them pretty well and had begun hanging out with them regularly. They went down to the bar a couple of nights a week and they flew together a lot, also.

He woke up on the morning on Tyler's service and began the day by taking a jog around the base. Before he left, he heard a knock on his door. He opened it and saw Ethan standing there, with his workout clothes on.

"Hey, are you going jogging?"

"Yeah, I was just about to leave."

"You mind if I come with you?" Ben shook his head and smiled,

"No not at all, let's go."

They jogged around the base for about forty-five minutes. They talked mostly about Tyler; Ethan didn't really know him so Ben filled him in. He told him about first meeting Tyler when he had been assigned to be Tyler's 'big buddy' and show him around the base.

"I took him flying; it was the first time he had ever flown before. He told me I was like a big brother." They reached the barracks and they stopped and took a break for a minute. Ben wiped his forehead with his shirt and said,

"His, um, his letter that he wrote to me, the one you gave me when I got back, told me that he had to get out what he was feeling and that I was the person he wanted to let it all out to. His girlfriend left him and the way he was handling it and the things he was saying was amazing. It felt like I was reading something that an eighty year old man with tons of experience would say. I couldn't believe it and the things he said were so true. He tried to think of the positives of them breaking up; I couldn't believe it."

"Wow, that's amazing and how old was he?"

"19." Ethan shook his head,

"Wow, I wish I could've gotten to know him better; I only talked to him a couple of times." Ben nodded,

"Yeah he was a great guy; I just can't believe he's gone."

"I know, it's crazy how fast and quick your life can change. When my girlfriend broke up with me, it was so sudden; I never expected it." Ben looked up at him,

"You're girlfriend broke up with you while you were over here?"

"Yeah, over the phone. She called the base and I was so excited to get a phone call from her because I had not talked to her in months. I picked up the phone and said hey and I was about to ask how she was when she came out and said that it was over. I was shocked and speechless and I didn't say anything for a minute. When I was finally about to say something I said her name and she said 'I'm so sorry' and hung up the phone." Ethan shook his head and continued,

"I haven't spoken or seen her since that day." Ben shook his head,

"Wow, I didn't know that. Why did she break it off?"

"She did it for the same reasons Matt's wife divorced him; she said she couldn't do it, that it was too hard for her and too much for her to deal with. She was sad every day and just couldn't deal with it anymore." Ben glanced away for a second; that was the third person that had split up from their partner because their wife or girlfriend said she couldn't do it.

"Wow, Ethan, I didn't know that."

"Yeah, I don't really talk about it. As long as she's happy, that's all I care about. Yeah, I still love her, with all of my heart, but I'm glad we broke up. She didn't deserve to feel the way she did while she was with me." He shrugged his shoulders,

"So, that's that. I'm single and ready to mingle. Hey, let's clean up and go have a beer with a couple of the guys before Tyler's service, want to?" Ben nodded, not really listening,

"Yeah, sure, let's do it."

Ethan nodded and headed to his room. Ben followed, still trying to process what Ethan had told him. As he walked to his room, a million scenarios were going through his head, all of them containing Allison.


They went to their barracks and took quick showers and Ben joined them for a couple of beers down at the bar. They stayed for about a half an hour before heading back to the base. When they got back, Ben went to his room and changed into his Air Force uniform. He et Ethan and a couple of other guys; Zack, Dylan, Aiden, and Jack out in the hallway and they headed outside.

The service was nice. At the front of the auditorium was a big picture of Tyler in his Air Force uniform .Ben, Ethan, Zack, Dylan, Aiden and Jack all sat together and watched as the Sergeant talked about Tyler and shed light on what happened the day he died.

"It was a huge cloud of smoke. The forest was ablaze and there were firemen on the ground, as well, trying to put this fire out. Tyler was one of many brave men that wanted, more than anything, to put this fire out. He flew right into the cloud of smoke. He went out of sight; all we could see was the water coming down from his plane. I don't know what exactly happened and I don't think anyone ever will. We think the smoke was just too thick and he couldn't see. He panicked and," He looked away for a minute,

"He lost control of his plane and flew straight into the trees. He was so brave and was willing to do anything to put out that fire. He will be greatly missed."

The service lasted for about forty-five minutes and, at the end, two F-15's flew over in remembrance. When it was over, Ben walked back to his room. When he got there, he lied down on his bed, mentally and physically exhausted. Though he had just come from Tyler's service, he wasn't thinking about Tyler, as wrong as it sounded. He was thinking of something else, something he had never once thought about before.


The next morning, he went jogging with Ethan once again. They jogged for about forty-five minutes and, when they got back to the barracks, Aiden was waiting for them. They stopped and wiped their faces with their shirts and Ethan asked,

"Hey, Aiden, what's up? Aiden looked up at them and he had an almost scared look on his face,

"They've released the second list, guys."

On their way to the cafeteria, Ben had a nervous feeling in his stomach. As soon as Aiden had said that they had released the second list, Ben had immediately thought of Allison. He was praying, over and over again, that he would not see his name on that list. It had been at least three months since they had released the first list and Ben wondered why it had taken them so long to release the second one.

When they reached the cafeteria, it was packed. There was a long almost a mile long with people trying to figure if their time in the Air Force would be extended for another four years. They stood in line for almost an hour. Ben stood with a pit in his stomach, waiting nervously to see the decision the Air Force had made.

After waiting in line for nearly an hour, they finally reached the list, which was taped to the cafeteria door. Before looking at it, Ben took a deep breath and prayed one last time. He finally joined Ethan and Aiden and scanned the list. When he reached the last name on the list, he breathed a sigh of relief and thanked God. His name wasn't on the list; he had made it through. As of right now, he only had fifteen months left.

In fifteen months, he would be with Allison again. He would be holding her in his arms and waking up beside her every morning for the rest of his life. He missed her so much and decided that he would surprise her and give her a call. He left the cafeteria and walked to where the phone was. There was a line and he ended up standing in it for about twenty minutes. He figured he had had the same idea everyone else had and wanted to let his loved one know that he had survived this list.

After twenty minutes, it was finally his turn. Since there was a long line, he was only given five minutes on the phone. It was five minutes more than he had when he woke up that morning and he wouldn't give that up for anything. He dialed her cell phone number and she picked up on the third ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey."

"Ben?" She exclaimed. He grinned, savoring the sound of her voice; it was the first time he had heard it since he left three months ago.

"Yeah, how are you doing?" He laughed,

"God, it's so good to just hear your voice, you have no idea." She laughed,

"Yes I do, I miss you so much, Ben."

"I miss you, too. But, listen, I only have five minutes, there's a huge line for the phone. They, um, they released the second list today." It was quiet on her end and he wondered if she had heard him. She finally asked,

"What did it say?"

"Don't worry, I'm not on it; I made it through." He heard her breathe a sigh of relief, much like his first reaction.

"Thank God, I've been praying every night. I was wondering when they were going to release it. How long has it been since they released the first one? A couple of months, right?"

"Yeah, it's been about three months." He then heard someone yell behind him in line to hurry up. He turned around to look, then turned back, knowing his time was coming to a close.

"You're time is about up, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I think a couple of people are getting pretty upset with me." She laughed and he wanted nothing more than to just continue talking to her, listening to her voice and catching up on everything he had missed while he was here.

"I love you so much, Allison."

"I love you, too, Ben. I should be getting your letter in the mail either today or tomorrow." He smiled,

"Good, I send it a couple of days ago." He heard someone yell to hurry up and he knew they were getting even more impatient.

"Well, I have to go. I love you so much and I'll be home soon."

"Okay, I love you too, Ben."


Mixed emotions again! Hope you guys enjoyed it! Please review! :)