"Good morning everyone!" Zim strode into the dining room of the Massive Mark-02 Electric Boogaloo, the automatic doors sweeping aside with a satisfying swish as he walked through the halls, back straight, arms behind his back. He saw Voel look briefly up at the clock before looking back to Zim.
"It's five in the afternoon." Zim sighed, shaking his head.
"No no, Voel you're missing the point. This is important for the reconstruction of the Irken family unit." This was one of the things Zim had reestablished as Tallest, and the plan had been to help Irk by leading by example. "The family breakfast is a staple of family culture. You lived on Earth. You should understand. I wake up, say good morning, and we all eat waffles!" Again, Voel looked at the clock, this time actively pointing to it.
"But it's five in the afternoon. And you weren't even asleep, you were meeting with the Intergalactic Unity about a trade agreement."
"Voel," Zim sighed shaking his head, tisking a bit, "if you get held down by the details, you will never enjoy your breakfast." Voel opened his mouth as if to respond, but thought better of it, and closed it again.
"I mean, fair. I do like waffles."
"Of course, everyone does. It's practically illegal not to."
"Zim." Voel narrowed his eyes for a moment. Zim shook his head.
"I said practically, Voel. I won't make it actually illegal. I'm not Therron." To his surprise, Voel laughed.
"You've got me there," Voel smiled, wiggling his antennae teasingly, "Tallest Zim."
"I know. I am amazing and witty." Zim looked around the room, disapproving of its vacantness. "Where are the others?"
"Shit if I know," Voel shrugged. "I just came in here to get chips then you started the whole: 'good morning' bit. Wasn't Skoodge just with you in that meeting?"
"Yes, he's finishing things up. It went very well but it was long and Zim was ready for waffles." Zim knew Skoodge could handle the rest of the meeting. The Intergalactic Unity loved him. Everyone did. Skoodge was the perfect right hand, he could put all of Zim's ideas and plans into words the other leaders could understand. "He'll be done soon." This wouldn't do at all. Skoodge and Voel were now accounted for... but where was everyone else? "CB!"
"Yes father?" The hologram shimmered into view.
"Why is no one here for family breakfast!?" Zim gestured to the empty dining area with dismay.
"Because it is an idea you conceptualized on your way over here and you have shared the information with literally no one."
"They should have known." Zin countered, "they should have heard my idea in the Collective."
"The Collective does not work that way anymore. Nor... did it ever... now that I am thinking about it."
"Nonsense! It is a great idea that transcended time and space! They should have felt it in their very spooches!" Zim slammed his fist into his open palm for emphasis.
"Even if that was true, they still need time to arrive."
"Very well, you have a point." Zim conceded. CB did, on occasion, bring up good points. It wasn't surprising, he took after Zim as far as his intellect. Zim wasn't sure why CB chose to look like that though, Zim supposed CB hadn't inherited his good looks. It was unfortunate for CB, and Zim had been hoping the human persona was a phase, but decided, since it had not changed in the six years of CB's life, that Zim would just have to love him anyway. He straightened his posture, looking at the hologram. "Summon everyone at once!"
"Affirmative, Almighty Tallest Dad."
"Are you really going to let him call you that?" Voel asked, one hand in the bag of chips he had been in the process of retrieving when Zim had walked in.
"Vero calls me that." Zim shrugged.
"Yeah, but should you really let Vero call you that either?" Voel questioned, pointedly. He paused, reflecting for a moment, before sighing dejectedly. "I guess he'll just end up calling you what he wants regardless of what anyone says, so never mind."
"Now!" Zim ignored Voel's rant for the time being, "what should I do to occupy time until we can have breakfast?"
"Dinner." Voel corrected.
"Waffles." Zim corrected Voel's correction. "CB, do I have anything on my agenda today?"
"Let me see..." the holographic form of CB took the time to materialize a little notebook with a unicorn on it and the word: planner in sparkling Irken lettering across the top. He took the planner, flipping through it. "Hmmm... yes... I see. It says to ask Sym because your agenda is not my job."
"Good point." Zim realized Sym would be the better Irken to ask, as the word 'Agenda' was quite literally in her job title. "I will go talk to Sym! Where is she right now?"
"Her office, I assume."
"Don't you know? Can't you... like... track her or something?" Voel folded his arms over his chest, arching one if his antennae. "I mean, you're a Control Brain... last I checked."
"I try not to Invade Irken's privacy, it is rude."
"Since when do you have a conscience!?" Voel demanded starting to argue with CB, but Zim was no longer interested in whether or not CB was tracking Irkens; or in Voel's unnecessary rant about ethics or whatever.
"I will go find her!" He continued through the dining area, straight toward the door on the other side. Voel reached out, and gently redirected Zim back toward the door he had entered through.
"Sym's office is that way."
"Zim knew this. I was simply testing you, Voel. And you passed. You may continue to be a General."
"Thank you." He smirked.
"Now," Zim spoke with authority, gesturing dramatically toward the door, "I shall go see Sym."
"Do you want me to come with you?" Voel offered.
"No." Zim shook his head. "You must stay here and make sure everyone comes to eat waffles. If Vero gets here first there will be none left for the rest of us."
"No... that's true." Voel sighed. It seemed he too recalled the incident when Vero had snacked his way through Sizz-Lorr's entire supply of fries. Vero had quite an insatiable appetite, which was normal for a growing Irken.
"I will return!" Zim walked back out of the doors, trusting that Voel could take care of protecting the food while he was away. The cooking staff aboard the Massive were the best of the best when it came to Irken cuisine. Especially Chef Dan. That was an Irken who could cook. (Of course, there were like five chefs named Dan on the Massive- but there was one Dan that was the Supreme-Ultra-Dan. The best cook of them all. He deserved some recognition- maybe Zim could start back the employee of the month program).
"Zim!" Zim blinked, only to realize he had nearly walked into Skoodge. "Hey, we are well on our way to establishing a great relationship with the Intergalactic Unity. Turns out, they were impressed by Therron's last gala he threw. They think Irkens have come a long way."
"Of course, we have. We're amazing." Zim replied as-a-matter-of-factly. "Every Empire should want to be our friend."
"Well, the Syndicate has put in a very good word for us, for sure." Skoodge looked remarkably pleased.
"They had better," Zim replied quickly. "Or Dib is fired." Skoodge sighed, pinching the area between his eyes, shaking his head.
"Darling please, we've been over this before: Dib doesn't work for you."
"Irrelevant." Zim waved off Skoodge's point as it didn't matter. "He is still in charge of making sure the Syndicate continues to love me. Which is not even a hard job because I'm the best Tallest there has ever been."
"I mean..." Skoodge leaned in so their antennae brushed together, "you're by far my favorite."
"Obviously." Zim couldn't help but smile. Things had been different ever since he took charge. There had been some resistance- some Taller Irkens didn't appreciate that Zim was tall: metaphorically rather than literally. There were some Irkens that thought Xia and IX had been making progress overall- but they were a vast minority whose voices were drowned out by the overwhelming positivity that had arose from Zim's changes. "I am going to visit Sym, but you must go to the dining hall, and help Voel protect the waffles."
"Waffles?" Skoodge blinked at him uncertainly.
"Yes." Zim met Skoodge's gaze, grabbing both of his hands. "This is an important mission, Skoodge. I am counting on you as both your bondmate and your Tallest. Vero is having another growth spurt, and he. Really. Likes. Waffles." Skoodge's confused expression changed into a grin. He straightened his posture, giving a crisp salute with the hand Zim wasn't holding.
"Yes Almighty Tallest Zim. It is a difficult mission, but I won't fail."
"Good. I'm counting on you, Vice Tallest Skoodge."
"Vice Tallest? Is that the position title we decided on?" Skoodge raised one of his antennae.
"No. Zim is still workshopping your title." Zim released Skoodge's hand. "But I must speak with Sym. I will see you at breakfast."
"Isn't it... evening?" Skoodge blinked.
"I know what I said." Zim replied, confidently. He turned, hurrying back down the hall knowing that his breakfast was being left in capable hands. He found Sym in her office, at her computer, either typing or playing a rather intensive game. "Sym!" Zim spoke her name loudly and she glanced over.
"Yes, my Tallest?" It was still weird hearing her be polite to him.
"What is on my agenda today?" He demanded firmly... but gently too. At least, in Zim's mind he had mastered the art of commands.
"You have already done most of the things on your schedule today, sir." She scrolled through her screen for a moment, "though Zeke has put in a request to discuss his progress with you."
"Has he? Very well. I have found myself with an unexpected lapse in my very busy schedule and I will meet with him. Let him know."
"Right away my Tallest." She pressed a button on her control panel, pressing her fingers to her headset. "Please let Zeke know that the Tallest is ready to meet with him."
"So..." Zim rocked a bit on his heels, unsure of what to say to Sym. In the years since his rise to power she had been both a massive hindrance, and a huge help depending on the day. Her sole loyalty was to the Irken Legal Code which was great- except when Zim wanted to do something more... creative. Sym did not like: thinking outside the metaphorical box that the humans spoke of. In fact, Sym lived in that box. "How are you?"
"I am well, my Tallest." She bowed her head.
"How is Sizz-Lorr? I know Shloogorgh's has been doing really well recently. Vero was complaining about the line." Zim was not the best at small talk, but he was worse at being quiet.
"He just opened a fifth franchise location on Acrilia, thanks to your treaty with the Intergalactic Unity. We are thrilled to report it is thriving. The human menu is surprisingly popular."
"Eh, Earth had good food. Except the stuff that was spicy or filled with their unclean, toxic water." Zim had several bad experiences with the various sauces that slathered many of the human dishes. The water was so putrid and polluted that it burned Zim's skin- nevertheless could he even think about digesting it. "Earth also had great TV." He recalled that Therron still watched something called: Trash TV.
"You have mentioned that; Lo is working on a new series of Irken television shows that use popular human formulas." Sym sounded monotone, but Zim assumed it was just to hide her excitement. Voel and Therron had both told him early on that Sym was just very dry. Zim was starting to see that. She had what Dib had expertly called: a resting bitch face.
"Zim! My Tallest, my buddy!" The doors to Sym's office swooshed open and Zeke strolled in like he owned the entire Massive. "It is good to see you! I have been waiting to catch up!"
"Next time," Sym spoke up from her desk, eyes back on the screen, her tone a little severe, "make an appointment."
"I'm the head of PR, I don't need an appointment." Zeke assured her.
"Everyone needs an appointment." Her stance was firm.
"Right," Zeke turned his focus back to the most important Irken in the room which was, obviously, Zim. "My Tallest your approval rating is through the roof! Irkens are loving the reintroduction of the Irken family unit! Especially that whole... oh what did you call it?" Zeke began flipping through his notes, "that paid time off you get when you adopt a smeet?"
"Zim time." Zim assured him.
"Yeah..." Zeke was still flipping through his notes, "but what did Skoodge call it?"
"Parental leave." Zim replied. It was an okay term for the new act, but honestly, it lacked flair. It was just a bit too literal for Zim's taste.
"Yeah. That." Zeke looked back up from his notes. "Huge hit! Irkens are loving it. And the smeets are thriving. Turns out parental instinct is still strong with Irkens. Also, the farmers love the help from the Syndicate. Those drones they sent us have increased food production by at least twenty percent. Keep this up and you might be our most popular Tallest ever." He winked making little guns with his fingers and firing them with a wing. (Of course, they were not real guns, but rather imitations with just his fingers). "You're the Irken of the hour my friend."
"I am already the best, most popular Tallest, and I am always Iken of the hour." Zim assured him. "But you can keep saying it. I like hearing it."
"Hey the Irkens love you. Most of them, at least. There are still some upset parties, here and there, but they're vastly outnumbered."
"They are also wrong." Zim replied instantly. "Any Irken that doesn't like Zim, is simply wrong. But we can't change the way they think- well..." he paused, "Technically we can. But that is something IX would do and we are better than him. The Collective is only for a sense of community not for rewriting thoughts and feelings. When Irkens realize they love and adore Zim, it will be from their spooches: raw, real feelings. Like when Sym realized I was her favorite Tallest." Zim gestured to the tall, brown eyed Irken still at her desk.
"She adores both of us, I know." Zeke agreed.
"Mmhmm." Sym made a noise of agreement that lacked the enthusiasm that Zim felt she should have had- but he let it slide.
"Oh," Zeke looked back to Zim, "Mothra Elite Dae wanted me to thank you for getting the Elites to help clear out the temples again. Irkens are starting to visit the old Mothra Temples now that they don't have to worry about being devoured alive."
"I mean... worry as much" Zim emphasize. "Anything is possible. I could be devoured alive in this office. It is just not probable."
"O...kay..." Zeke looked around for a moment as if trying to figure out what, in Sym's office, might devour him alive. (It was obvious the smaller Irken did not realize that Zim meant a wormhole could open up and a gnider could crawl through and eat them. It was the most realistic way they would get eaten in the office.) "Still, the Mothra Elites offer their undying gratitude toward you."
"Yes, well, they proved helpful in our time of need." Zim could not have gotten as far as he did without Mothra Elite Dae and her refugees. CB had told him of their mission, destroying the PAKs that contained back up files for IX. They had been instrumental in their success. "Actually," Zim thought back to his time in the temple, the worn image of the Mothra, statue weathered and damaged from neglect. "We should help them renovate. The temple has seen better days."
"Great idea!" Zeke's antennae perked up, fiercely writing in his notebook. He clasped an arm around Zim's shoulders, waving the other arm at the distance as if showing Zim something amazing on Sym's wall. It looked like a regular wall to Zim, but Zeke was excited. "I can see the headline now: 'Tallest Zim Restores Mothra's Beauty in Gesture of Gratitude to Goddess.' This will be a great piece. We'll get Lo, schedule an interview in front of a restored statue. Maybe time it so it coincides with the Mothra Festival!" Zim could see Zeke's mind racing. "Oh! An unveiling!" He pulled away, but clasped both of Zim's shoulders. "It's a perfect passion project!"
"I can schedule a meeting with Lo." Sym must have at least been partially listening, which made sense as Zim and Zeke were pretty much having a conference in front of her desk.
"Perfect!" Zeke had taken Zim's idea and ran with it. Zeke was good at that. "Now hating Tallest Zim will basically be like saying you hate Mothra. And no Irken hates Mothra."
"Irkens who hate Mothra don't get presents from Godzilla-Clause." Zim nodded thoughtfully. Godzilla-Clause wasn't real, sure, but on the off chance he was- why risk forfeiting free presents?
"True." Zeke remarked with a shrug, before finally releasing Zim. "This is a good angle, my Tallest. I'm loving it. Mothra Elite Dae is going to be so excited when we tell her."
"We could do a volunteer-based system to help renovate- encourage Irkens to get involved. Schedule everything so it leads up to the Mothra festival." Sym was looking at her calendar. "Getting the community involved will guarantee one of our largest festival turnouts. It is also a good chance to get publicity on the success of the Irken family system."
"You have a nose for news Sym! I love it!" Zeke pointed his pen up at her, winking.
"I don't have a nose." She remarked dryly. "None of us do."
"You have a nose where it counts," Zim informed her, "on the inside." She gave him a blank look, actually tearing her gaze away from the screen.
"... right."
"I didn't realize you had such an interest in Irken media." Zeke grinned up at her. "You know," Zeke slicked his antennae back, leaning on the side of Sym's desk as he was not all enough to lean over the top. "If this whole agenda thing doesn't work out for you, I would love to have you in the press."
"I am very happy in my current career, thank you." Sym nudged him away gently with her foot. Zim was mostly just impressed she could see him over the top of her desk. "I have been Chief of Agenda since Tallest Miyuki."
"Offer's open though." Zeke winked at her.
"You are weirdly good at what you do." Zim hated to admit it. It was like when he had to tell Tak that she had done well in the Syndicate. Sym had always been a pain and a half to deal with before he was Tallest. But now that he was her boss, she had been indispensable. She was about the only one who knew the Irken Legal Code inside and out. "We'll need to discuss training you an assistant or something in case you need vacation."
"Sizz-Lorr and I have been discussing the possibility of adopting smeets in the future." She perked up at the mention of time off.
"Good. Very good. We will start looking for an assistant for you." Zim nodded. The status and rank of Sym's job meant that they would have no trouble finding applicants. "You will be able to help us select one that meets your ridiculously high standards."
"Thank you, My Tallest." She sounded genuinely grateful, which for Sym, was unusual to say the very least. Zim cleared his throat, turning quickly on his heel in a way that made his Tallest's cloak flare out dramatically.
"Now! Zim has killed enough of this time! I have murdered it with important Tallests tasks and finally I have earned my waffles!"
"I will block your schedule, sir." Sym nodded to him.
"And I'll get to work on our next big story!" Zeke added excitedly. "This is going to be great!"
"Very good! Continue doing your job in Zim's absence! Alas! I must go!" He flourished his cape and strode from Sym's office back toward the dining area. This time, when the doors swooshed open for him, everyone should have been waiting with piles of delicious, syrup-y waffles. Zim approached the doors and they obediently slid aside and he was greeted by a SIR flinging itself full force into his chest, screaming all the while.
"IT'S TACO NIGHT!"
"No GIR. It is not Tuesday. And that isn't a law anymore anyways. Tonight! We dine on WAFFLES!" Zim reminded him. He surveyed the room. Skoodge and Voel were there, which he was expecting, Ven had showed up by this point, CB was there in his body, and of course, GIR was back from whatever chaos he had been causing. (Zim had the opportunity now to fix or replace GIR, but he had become accustomed to the quirky little robot. It seemed wrong to change him now.) "Where is everyone?"
"On their way." Ven replied cheerfully. "The invite was kind of sudden."
"And yet, you are here." Zim nodded approvingly to Ven.
"Oh. Yeah. I was just studying on the bridge." Ven pointed toward the back door. "CB said to come, so I did."
"Good. You are now the favorite organic child. Congratulations, Ven." Zim applauded him. "Good work."
"Thanks?" Ven tilted his head uncertainly to the side.
"Zim, we talked about this," Skoodge reminded him, "you can't have a favorite child, man."
"My favorite is just whichever one of them is physically closest." Zim replied with confidence. "That way they can all have a chance. So technically, my overall favorite is GIR, as he is attached to my leg at the moment. Ven is just my favorite non-robot child."
"I am in your PAK as a Control Brain, does that not make me, technically always the favorite?" CB asked, curiously. Zim frowned.
"You raise a good point. I might need to rethink this system."
"I heard there was food!" The doors flung open and Vero came in, followed by a very frustrated looking Xia. "I have officially arrived to eat it!"
"This is stupid." Xia grumbled. "We were in the middle of doing important things! This is a waste of my time!"
"It's not a waste. It's family." Zim knew Xia would take some wearing down. She had yet to adjust to the new Irk.
"I got a summons?" Ara, the Economist, poked her head into the room, perking up suddenly. "Oh! What smells delicious?"
"Why is she here!?" Xia glared daggers at Ara. "Doesn't she have a lecture about farms to give?"
"I'm an Economist, not an Agriculturalist." Ara corrected. "And I already gave one this morning anyway."
"That doesn't explain why you're here." Xia retorted, her antennae back.
"I was invited." Ara replied smugly.
"Hi Ara!" Ven waved cheerfully.
"Hi Ven." Ara waved back.
"Did Fred invite you!?" Xia looked at Ven. "You can't do that!"
"No, I did." Zim interrupted the fight before Xia worked herself up any more than she already was. "And Zim doesn't even know a Fred! Who is this Fred you speak of!? Ara is Skoodge's smeet. That makes her part of the family."
"No, it doesn't." Xia objected.
"Yes, it does." Zim was good at arguing, especially because he was Tallest and pretty much anything he said was law. "Just as much as Base Baby is."
"Base Baby is a pet at best." Xia grumbled.
"Don't be like that Xixi." Vero elbowed her playfully. "Think of it this way: the more members of our family that exist; The more waffles that must exist to feed them. Therefore, we are in a world with more waffles. And that's the kind of world I want to live in." Xia turned her head to look at her tube-mate in disbelief.
"Vero," she blinked, shaking her head in disappointment, "that makes no fucking sense."
"Yes, it does. You just don't want to think about the big picture." Vero countered.
"It really doesn't." Xia glared at him.
"Xia, sit the fuck down and try to enjoy yourself." Voel sighed, rubbing his forehead in exasperation.
"Where is Base baby?" Zim surveyed the group to make certain he had not missed the human, expertly disguised amongst the Irkens.
"I have him!" Tenn called from the door. She had replaced her Invader's uniform with the deep blues of an Academy Professor. Beside her, was a tiny, fleshy human with dark black hair and tanned skin.
"Hi dad!" Base Baby, was really more of a Base Child at this point as it had finally learned to walk and talk in the past five years.
"Gavin! Tenn! You made it!" Zim clapped his hands together. "Now we can finally get eating!" Zim helped Base Baby (or Gavin- Dib had insisted they give him a name better than Base Baby) up to his seat.
"Great! I am starving!" Vero clapped his hands together excitedly. Zim snapped his fingers and drones flew in carrying plates stacked high with waffles. He had made sure there were enough chairs for everyone so they could all sit together to partake in the Irken treat. Tenn was not usually on the guest list, as she worked on Graduatia, but she happened to be traveling with Zim on the Massive for an important event and thus, was always invited. As soon as the food was on the table, Vero began shoveling it in his mouth as if he hadn't eaten in years.
"Are you having another growth spurt?" Skoodge remarked watching Vero's ravenousness as he ravaged the breakfast-for-dinner table.
"He better fucking not be." Voel piped up, loudly. "We're already the same height!"
"Your days are numbered, old man." Vero pointed a sticky, dripping fork in Voel's direction as he replied with a mouth stuffed full of waffles.
"It appears the twins are experiencing increased appetite that typically accompanies an increase in height." CB remarked, as he took a bite of the food, carefully cutting each bite into perfectly symmetrical squares.
"What in Mothra's name is a twin?" Xia looked annoyed by the use of Earth terminology. "Look," she put a large bite of waffle in her mouth (despite her obvious protests, she was still eating quite a bit) "I'm getting tall. Vero is just getting fat."
"Rude." Vero protested; mouth stuffed full of food.
"Do you think I'll get tall too?" Ven asked excitedly.
"You're already tall. Don't push your luck." Xia remarked, rolling her eyes.
"Incoming call from Dib." CB spoke up suddenly. Zim blinked, he had been invested in the height conversation, but overall, he supposed he was going to be the Tallest no matter how big the others got. So, it didn't really matter.
"Answer it." Zim waved a hand. Soon a hologram of Dib and Lor appeared floating above the table. "Hello filthy, human Dib."
"Hi Zim." Dib looked mildly amused. "Maybe don't call me a filthy human in front of the human you decided to abduct?"
"But you are filthy. And a human." Dib reminded him. "Base Baby is clean, and practically Irken. Plus, Zim did not abduct anyone. I found the child and by the Earth law of Finders Keepers I was able to keep him. Right?"
"Eh, the law holds up." Skoodge agreed with a shrug. "And Gavin likes it here."
"Yeah!" The kid agreed excitedly.
"You're not offended when Zim calls Dib gross, are you?" Zim decided he might as well ask. Gavin looked thoughtful for a second before shaking his head.
"Nah, he is kinda gross."
"See Dib? You're gross." Zim now had confirmation.
"Wow, insulted by my own best man." Dib placed a hand over his chest, pretending to be hurt by Zim's honest observation. "I'm devastated, Zim. Maybe I need to find someone who doesn't think I'm gross to be in the wedding."
"You can't do that." Zim retorted. "It is called a best man, Dib. I am the Tallest and obviously that makes me the best. Anyone else taking on the role would just be lying."
"Maybe I'll give it to Skoodge. You don't know." Dib shot back.
"Flattered. But Zim's right. He is technically best." Skoodge didn't miss a beat.
"See? Best." Zim had won this argument. "Now I will engage in combat against the other best man until only one of stands, as is typical of Earth weddings."
"Is... that how it works?" Lor blinked, looking a little confused over at Dib. The Membrane Clone sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose.
"No, hun, it's not. Zim doesn't know what he's talking about."
"Yes, I do. I am an expert on Earth culture." Zim reminded him. "I have been to Oh so many Earth weddings. You would not believe how many I attended." Dib raised an eyebrow at him.
"Okay," he crossed his arms over his chest. "Name three. Three weddings you attended while you were on Earth."
"Your parents' wedding." Zim put his hands on the table in triumph.
"You didn't attend my patents' wedding. You snuck in, stole the top tier of the cake, and climbed out through the air vent." Dib countered. "But go on, name two more. I'll wait."
"Well..." Zim thought on it for a moment, "there was..." he was drawing a blank. "It's not important!"
"That's what I thought." Dib had his eyes narrowed, grinning smugly in his incidental victory. "I have gotten Capital Planet into the whole idea of Halloween with some pretty impressive success, if I do say so myself. So, we are definitely having the wedding with the Halloween theme."
"You guys like Halloween?" Skoodge looked to Lor.
"Oh yeah!" Lor's eyes were bright with excitement. "The Membranes kinda started a whole thing here. They have one of those spooky ghost houses where you go to be scared of fake things that are dead but still moving!"
"Haunted house." Dib corrected. "It's called a haunted house."
"Yeah, Spooky house. I got it." Lor assured him. "Dib was thinkin' we do one after the weddin' so the guests can have fun. We thought you might have ideas about how to make convincing fake dead things."
"He means like zombies and ghosts." Dib explained. "Look, I saw your Halloween costumes back on Earth. And Voel, you have me impressed."
"Good. You should be impressed." Voel nodded, proudly, his antennae perked up. "Armor based on Rodan is impressive and awe-inspiring."
"We are already on our way to Capital Planet." Skoodge pointed out. "So, you'll have to make do with what is already on the Massive or on the planets where we make stops."
"The Massive has everything I need to terrify and wow the citizens of Capital Planet. Plus, I'm sure the Membranes will be helping too." Voel waved off the concern with ease.
"Oh definitely. My family fucking loves Halloween." Dib gave a nod. "I couldn't stop them from helping."
"And y'all are just helping with the reception. I've got the actual ceremony decorations under control." Lor assured them.
"You?" Skoodge lifted one of his antennae looking a tad skeptical. "Aren't you... not the best with Earth holidays?"
"Nonsense! I lived on Earth for like three of their years." Lor retorted, a tad indignantly, "and since Dib brought Halloween to Capital Planet, I've figured out how it works. Now, I have the Halloween tree handled. And the eggs will be both regular Earth Eggs, and the deceptive chocolate filled ones." Zim wasn't entirely sure he was remembering the details of Halloween correctly, but this sounded... not right. He looked at Dib questioningly.
"Lor puts his own spin on the holiday. But hey, the people on Capital Planet love it." Dib put an arm around Lor's shoulders, "and so do I. Halloween trees are actually getting pretty popular."
"Can I dress up as a Halloween Tree?" Vero asked, mouth still full of waffle.
"Do what you want." Dib shrugged.
"This is stupid. This whole trip is going to be a nightmare! We're taking almost a year long journey across space for what!?" Xia stood up, "a fancy bonding party!? You don't need a party for bonding!"
"Xia, sit down and be nice. Dib's one of the heroes of Irk." Voel spoke sternly. "You don't want to go back to prison, do you?" He threatened.
"YES! I very much do! I would LOVE to go back to fucking prison rather than live in this weird little family unit you are trying to construct with robots and the most incompetent members of our society! I mean: Skoodge aside, of course." It seemed despite her hatred; Xia still respected the Conqueror of Blorch. "But! PLEASE send me to jail! I WANT to go!"
"Those robots are your younger brothers. You should be nice." Zim lectured.
"And I am a Control Brain, so you need to be extra nice." CB reminded her as he put another bite of waffle in his mouth, chewing on it carefully.
"You are a shadow of a real Control Br-" Xia stopped herself, watching the android body chew its food. "Are you eating? Why are you eating!?"
"I am hungry." CB looked at his waffles then back to Xia. "I thought this would be self-explanatory."
"You're not hungry, you're a fucking robot!" Xia slammed her hand on the table. "Seriously?" She looked at the others in disbelief. "You are all just fine with this absolute madness?"
"He's hungry, Xixi." Vero reiterated.
"Look, I don't tell CB how to live." Zim shrugged. "If he wants to put food in his mouth, he can clean out his gears later. I can't stop him. Well, I can, but then I would also have to stop GIR." He looked over at the SIR who was pouring syrup over its head, slowly, and purposefully while it made eye contact with Xia. The former Tallest cringed away from the SIR as it stared at her before laughing maniacally.
"I don't see why we even let that thing sit at the table!" Xia scooted her chair back, away from the syrup covered GIR.
"He's not a thing," Zim reminded her, "he's family."
"GIMME A HUG!" GIR spread his sticky, dripping arms out wide and Xia nearly tripped over her own chair trying to get away.
"So how is M, doing speaking of prisoners?" Dib had been watching Xia quietly as GIR began to chase her around.
"She is doing community service. The Syndicate taught us that trick." Zim replied proudly. "We have her helping screen visitors to Irk. We do have her working for Q though, which is killing her on the inside."
"Q has mostly been on Capital Planet. I didn't realize he had a job on Irk." Dib sounded surprised.
"He video calls us." Zim explained. "He still can't stand being on the same planet as M. But he loves bossing her around."
"C..." Dib blinked, "can you hear him over video?"
"He uses a translator." Zim stuffed another bite of food in his mouth.
"Oh. Last I saw him he wasn't wearing one, but I guess he might have one on him somewhere. I just hope he doesn't decide to show up at the wedding." Dib made a face. Lor looked empathetically over to him.
"We both know he will. We can just keep our distance." Lor assured him. "It's harder to kick him out of places now that he's technically a hero."
"Tell me about it." Dib made a face. "Well," he straightened up, "can't wait till you finally get here for the wedding. We'll keep you updated. Don't be late."
"Zim is NEVER late. Others are just early." Zim replied as-a-matter-of-factly. "But we will be there soon enough. The Massive Mark-02 Electric Boogaloo is red, that means it flies even faster than other not-red-ships."
"... sure Zim." Dib just rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. "Talk to you all later."
"Goodbye fat-headed human pig-smelly!" Zim waved cheerfully.
"Goodbye pig-smelly human!" Gavin parroted with equal enthusiasm.
"The wedding will be fun!" Ara spoke up as the call disconnected. "I've never been to Capital Planet!"
"That's because," Xia spoke from clear on the other side of the room, far away from where GIR was now rolling on the floor, "you are not important enough to travel. Well... you weren't, at least. Not until Zim arbitrarily decided that, because you share fifty percent of your DNA with Skoodge, you suddenly matter, despite being short."
"Xia!" Voel spoke a little more harshly. "Be nice!"
"I am not nice! I am a fierce warrior that you are crushing with banal domestic life!" The door behind her slid open and Xia nearly screamed, color draining from her face as in strode her very. Worst. Nightmare.
"Hello Irkens!" The boisterous voice reverberated off of the walls. "It's uncle Therron! I am joining you for the rest of your trip! I can't wait to tell you ALL about my latest endeavors on Xaldurn Primus!"
This time, Xia did scream.
She rushed to Voel.
"Please, please, PLEASE just send me to prison! Call the Syndicate back! Have THEM arrest me- I am actually begging you!"
"Even if I wanted to do that, Xia, I can't. " Voel shrugged, gently turning her around to face Zim, "I'm not the Tallest."
"This is nice." Vero remarked cheerfully. "Don't you think so? All of this family bonding?" He put an arm around his twin leading her back to her chair.
"I swear Vero I will take your head right the fuck back off of your shoulders. Don't you patronize me you piece of shit-" Vero pushed her back into her seat.
"You don't mean that." He cut off her angry grumbles.
"Yes, I do!" She shot back.
"I like the way things are now!" Ven spoke up. "I don't really understand what an uncle is, but I'm excited for these stories."
"I like you Tim, you're smart!" Therron put an arm around Ven, reaching over and eating the food directly off of his plate.
"It's Ven." Voel corrected. "His name is Ven."
"I answer to anything. It doesn't even have to be close." Ven replied rather agreeably. "So long as you're looking in my direction, I'll answer."
"Your smeets could all have been like this Voel! But no, it took you till Ven to get things right." Therron spoke, mouth full of Ven's food.
"I thought Ven was: too agreeable." Voel narrowed his eyes.
"That was until he started agreeing with me!" Therron continued, "that's a good way of doing things kid. Keep it up. You'll go far."
"Am I gonna go far, Uncle Therron!?" Vero asked excitedly.
"No." Therron replied flatly. "And stop eating so much. You're tall enough."
"Never." Vero shoved a whole waffle in his mouth.
"You know," Skoodge leaned over to Zim as chaos continued to unfold at the table, "you always said that you could make Irk better."
"I did." Zim nodded, enjoying his food and the time he was spending with his make-shift family unit. "And it wasn't even hard."
"Not for you, I know." Skoodge laughed. "You did well."
"We did well." Zim corrected as he looked around him at all the happy Irkens, enjoying food and spending time outside of simply working.
This...
This was nice.
Finally, Irk was as glorious as only Zim knew it could be.
All was well.
THE LAST
OFFICIAL
CHAPTER!
DOING ANOTHER Q&A TO CELEBRATE! ASK AWAY!
Answers will be in a SPECIAL UPDATE IN JULY!
STAY TUNED
JULY 25TH SPECIAL UPDATE!
