Whoa, two updates in one night? I'm good. And both chapters were/ are pretty long. I hope you guys are enjoying it. I don't want you guys to be mad at me for what happens in this chapter... Gah, let me just hush. Cue reading.


Chapter 36

The next three months were very quiet and somewhat boring. He did the same thing every day. He jogged in the morning, ate breakfast, and flew with his friends in the afternoon. After they flew, they would sit outside and watch the sun go down. He also went to different classes and went to 'church' on Sundays.

The base had recently gotten a Playstation, along with a Rockband game with all of the instruments. He had been playing that a lot with his buddies and had picked up pretty quickly on the drums. He was getting better at them and they played almost every day.

He had continued to receive letters from Allison and his father, too, of course. Nothing much had changed for either of them and they continued to do the same things they always did. He had written to Allison after their argument, telling her how sorry he was for arguing and yelling at her and how much he regretted it ever happening. She apologized also and said that she was so proud of him for what he did. She said that she was sorry for making it seem like she was only concerned for her own and his safety, and not the safety of the other people that Ben had saved. She said she loved him and was proud of what he was doing.

His dad had also written him letters; they had some new neighbors move in about a month ago. His dad had gone over and greeted them and welcomed them to the neighborhood. He had also had dinner with them a couple of nights, too. They were a middle-aged couple; the woman was 47 and the husband had just turned 50. He said that the couple was really nice people and that he had enjoyed spending time with them. They went out on their boat a lot with their older children and their family and had actually invited Ben and his father to come and go with them one day.

He had told his dad about his mission and his response was basically like Allison's. He said he was proud of him for having enough courage to run back out and save them, but told him to also be careful and safe as best he could. Ben told him that, in the three months since that mission, they were trying to figure out who was flying the planes that day. The fighter pilot had not been able to find the two planes so, therefore, they got away.

All had been quiet besides that one incident. He had been doing the same thing for the past three months and he had to admit, it was getting kind of boring. The only exciting thing was when Ethan tried to pick up one of the bartenders down at the bar; he was sadly turned down, to put it lightly. Besides going to the bar, they flew almost every afternoon and sat in the mess hall, talking about anything and everything.


He woke up on March 4th and it started out as just another morning. He got up and went jogging with Ethan and Zack and went and took a shower after. He put on his clothes and was walking down to the cafeteria when he saw Ethan running up to him. He looked scared and worried and Ben held out his hand,

"Whoa, what happened?"

"Have you been to the cafeteria yet?"

"No, I was just heading down there now, why?""

"You need to come see something."

"What is it?"

"Just follow me." Ben followed him down to the cafeteria, where a huge group of men were standing.

"What's going on?" Ethan sighed and turned to face him,

"Jesus, I can't let you read this off of a cafeteria door. They released the third list, Ben." He looked away for a minute, then looked back up at him,

"Your name is on it."

That was when his heart sunk to his knees.

"What?"

"They put it up and I was going to come get you earlier, but I was already down here. So I looked and I saw your name." He looked away, his vision suddenly getting blurry. He shook his head, not believing it, and started to push through the crowd of me to see the list. He finally got to the door and immediately started looking for his name. His name was near the bottom and, when he saw it, his heart immediately dropped and he thought of Allison.

He pushed back through the crowd and headed towards his room. He heard Ethan call his name, but he didn't stop. He went back to his room and closed his door. He sat down on his bed and put his head in his hands. He couldn't believe that his name was on that list.

How was he going to tell Allison? It was hard enough to go eighteen more months, now they have to wait another four years to finally be together for good. He wondered what spending time with Allison for more than two weeks felt like. In the entire time he had known her, he had never spent two weeks at a time with her. Experiencing that feeling was now four years away and the thought of it made him sick.

He was scared to tell her. He didn't know how she would react and it made him as nervous as he could be. Their relationship had enough strain on it as it was and adding this information to the emotional strain scared him. He thought about how he was going to tell her for almost thirty minutes before he heard a knock on his door.

"Who is it?" He yelled from his bed.

"It's Ethan, open the door."

"I don't want any visitors, Ethan."

"Open the door, Ben! I have to tell you something."

"I don't want to talk to anybody."

"It's about the lists!" This got his attention. He got up and opened the door and let Ethan in.

"Look, I know you're upset and you're probably mad as hell, but I have to tell you something. I wouldn't bother you if it wasn't important."

"It's okay, now what is it?"

"You were just told some pretty devastating news and I know you probably don't want to hear any more bad news" Ben laughed,

"Believe me, there can't be any worse news than this. Does it involve Allison or my dad?" Ethan shook his head and Ben said,

"Then it can't be that bad; just tell me." Ethan sighed,

"When are you supposed to go on leave?"

"In a year; March 16th; why?"

"Well, add nine months to that." Ben looked up at him,

"What?"

"I just talked to someone who had been put on the last list that came out. He said that, if you get put on that list, you serve the rest of your term and then you have to serve another nine months before you go on leave. So, if you're originally supposed to go on leave on March 16th, you're actually not going to be able to go home until December 16th." Ben stood up, his anger rising more than it already had,

"They can't do that."

"Yeah they can, and they are. I'm sorry, Ben, but I figured you were probably going to call Allison and I wanted you to know before you called her." Ben shook his head,

"I don't believe this. How can they do that? Don't they know that people are devastated from being drafted for another four years? Who do they think they are? They act like people don't have any feelings. How am I going to tell Allison? She's going to be devastated and I have no idea what she's going to say."

"I know, Ben, and I'm truly sorry." Ben sighed,

"I know, and thank you. I didn't mean to yell at you either."

"It's okay, I know you're upset."

"Yeah, that's an understatement." He sighed,

"I have to talk to Allison." Ethan raised his eyebrow,

"You can't. You already used your one phone call this month, haven't you?"

"Yeah, but I don't care; I have to talk to her." Ethan raised his hand,

"Look, I know you're upset, but you can't, Ben-"

"So what? I should tell her over a letter? How shallow is that?"

"They won't let you-"

"I don't give a damn what they say!" He yelled,

"Do you think I want to make this call? Do you think I want to tell her I won't see her for another twenty-one months? That I won't be able to hold her and kiss her for almost two years? I don't and I don't give a damn what they say. I'm going to call her."


He turned and left Ethan alone in the room. He went down the hallway to where the phone was, but a lieutenant stopped him.

"Whoa, didn't I just see you use the phone a couple of weeks ago?"

"Yes, sir, but this is really important."

"Not that important; only one phone call per month." Ben took a deep breath, getting impatient,

"Look, you know that list you just put out? Yeah, I'm on it. I need to call my girlfriend and let her know, please."

"You can call her next month."

"What if I don't have until next month?" He asked, his voice getting loud,

"What if something happens and I don't see next month? Please, I'm begging you, just let me use the phone."

"No, that isn't going to happen." Ben took a deep breath again and pushed by the lieutenant and picked up the phone. The lieutenant came up behind him and grabbed his shoulder,

"Hey, I told you no!"

"Ben!" He heard Ethan yell behind him. Ben yanked his arm away and turned around to face the lieutenant,

"I don't care! Make me run 100 laps, 150 laps, 200 laps, I don't care! Just, please sir, let me make a five minute phone call, please?" The lieutenant looked at him, his nostrils flaring, and Ethan came running up,

"Excuse me, sir?" The lieutenant looked away from Ben and to Ethan,

"What?"

"Well, sir, I haven't used my phone call this month. Can I let Ben take my call?"

"What? Ethan, no-"

"Shut up, Ben." The lieutenant continued to look at Ethan, then slowly loosed his grip on Ben's arm and turned back to him and pointed at him,

"Fine. But you're going to play for your disrespect." Ben nodded,

"Yes, sir; I understand." His nostrils flared a couple of more times before he turned and walked away. Ben walked up to Ethan,

"You didn't have to do that-"

"Don't worry about it, just call her."

"Thank you." Ethan nodded and walked back down the hallway towards his room. Ben turned back towards the phone and said a small prayer before picking up the phone. He dialed her cell phone number and it rang four times before she picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's Ben."

"Ben? Hi! How are you?" He smiled,

"I'm alright, how are you?"

"I'm great now; my day just got a lot better." He smiled, but it soon faded because he knew he was about to ruin her day, and probably more than that.

"Good."

"So, how have you been? Has anything happened over there?" He scratched his head and wished he didn't have to say what he was about to say.

"Allison, I have to tell you something; something that's going to kill me to say."

"What is it?" He heard the fear in her voice but he knew he had to tell her. He took a deep breath,

"Do you remember those lists I told you about?"

"Oh, no." He heard her whisper,

"Yes, I remember."

"They released the third one today." He heard her start to cry and he knew she knew what he was about to say. He looked down and took another deep breath,

"I was on it, Allison." She started crying harder and he looked down again and, for the first time in months, felt tears starting to form in his eyes.

"No, please, no. It's four years, isn't it?"

"Yes. I just found out thirty minutes ago; you wouldn't believe my reaction, Allison. I was so angry and upset and you were the first person I thought of. You don't know how much I didn't want to call and tell you this." She was still crying and she sniffled and said, in a voice, barely above a whisper,

"Four more years; do you know how long four years is,Ben?" He sighed,

"I know, Allison, I'm so sorry. I hate it just as much as you do. But it won't be too bad; we can write all the time, like we've been doing and things will work out, I promise."

"How can you promise me that? You don't know how I've been here. You don't know that I cry myself to sleep every night. How can you promise me all of these things when you're thousands of miles away and you have no idea what I'm going through without you?" He raised his eyebrow,

"I ask you all the time in every one of my letters and every time we talk on the phone how you're doing. You've never once mentioned that you cry to sleep every night. How am I supposed to know that? You can't get mad at me for not knowing when you don't tell me."

"Oh, come on, Ben; do you think I'm doing 'just fine' and 'happy' all of the time? 24- 7?"

"That's what you tell me, Allison. If you tell me you're doing fine, then I believe you. Why haven't you told me all of this sooner? Why'd you lie to me and say you were fine if you really weren't?" He heard her sigh,

"I couldn't tell you that, Ben. I don't want you to worry about me; you don't need that on you. You're over there fighting and I don't want you to be worrying about me while you're doing that." Despite the circumstances, he smiled weakly at her concern,

"Thank you. But, Allison, I need you to tell me these things. I love you with all of my heart, you're the most important thing in my life and I honestly and truly want to know how you are." She sighed again,

"Okay, I'll be more honest from now on. But four years, Ben; I'll be graduated from college and, hopefully, be working in the hospital. Who knows what else will be going on in four years?"

"I know." He sighed, preparing to tell her the other bad news,

"Well, since we're both being honest, I have something else to tell you. And it's not good news."

"What? More bad news? I don't think I want to hear it right now, Ben."

"No, Allison, you need to hear this."

"Ben, you just told me some pretty devastating news, I don't know if I can handle any more." He sighed,

"Allison, I won't be coming home in March."

"What?" She breathed,

"Of course you are, you have to. That's when the eighteen months are up." He looked away and ran his hands over his face and closed his eyes,

"I'm not coming home in March, they've extended my term."

"By how long?" She breathed again. He heard the pain and hurt in her voice and he knew his answer would bring her even more pain,

"Nine months." He heard her gasp and she then began to cry again, this time harder.

"Why are they doing this? Do you know how long that is? That's twenty-one months until I see you again. We will have been apart for two years and three months, Ben." He sighed and wanted nothing more than to just hold her in his arms, right then and there.

"I know that. It's going to be really hard. I love you so much and I think that, with our love as strong as it is, we can do it. We can do this, Allison, I know it." She was still crying, harder and harder by the second,

"Why is this happening? Why aren't you sad or upset about this?"

"I am sad, more than anything. I just think we should look at the positive side of things."

"The positive side? What is the positive side? There's nothing positive about this at all!"

"Whoa, why are you yelling at me? Do you think I wanted to call you and tell you all of this? Why do you think I have tears in my eyes right now? I'm not happy about this at all."

"I don't think you understand how serious this really is." He raised his eyebrow,

"I don't understand? How in the world would I not understand? I'm the one that's here! I'm living it! I'm fighting for this country while you're sitting at home."

"What is that supposed to mean? You think it's all peaches and cream over here? You're there, you're busy fighting and you don't have time to really dwell on it. I'm here, where everywhere I see reminds me of you. I'm here with your dad, who misses you like crazy. My friends are here with their boyfriends all of the time and it sickens me to know that I won't see you until when? December? I don't know if you're even alive most of the time, Ben. You think it's easy here without you? Well, I can promise you, it isn't. I'm constantly worried and plagued by the fact that you might get killed. Do you know how that feels every second of every day? I try and take my mind off of you, but I can't. I love you too much." She barely got her last couple of words out because she was crying so hard. The tears in his eyes fell down her cheeks and he looked down, seeing the lieutenant hurrying him to get off of the phone.

"I love you, too, Allison; more than you'll ever know. That's how I know we can make this work. I'm going to give this everything I have, if you will."

"I will." She squeaked out,

"I promise, Ben." The lieutenant came up to him,

"Your time is up, Carter."

"Who is that?" Allison asked.

"It's my lieutenant. He's making me get off the phone. I'm so sorry for calling you and telling you such horrible news. You have no idea how sad and hurt and angry I am. I love you so much and I promise to try as hard as I can to make this work."

"I love you, too. And I promise to try my hardest, too."


For the next three months, he was punished for disrespecting the lieutenant. He was awoken every morning at 4:00 and was forced to run for two and a half hours in the woods near the base. He threw up every morning for the first four weeks with the lieutenant yelling in his ear.

For three months, Ethan laughed at him. Every time he would come in from running, with sweat pouring down his body, Ethan would look at him and couldn't help but laugh. On his last day of running, he woke up at four a.m. and dragged himself out of bed. He went and ran until 7:00 and it had, surprisingly, gotten easier. After doing it for 90 days in a row, he had become use to it. He ran for a hour each morning before this so he had some practice.

He ran on his last day and, when he was finished, the lieutenant came up to him. Ben was panting and he drank some of his water and the lieutenant put his hand on Ben's shoulder. Ben looked up at him and the lieutenant said

"Well done, Mr. Carter." Ben was surprised,

"Thank you, sir…"

"I made you run at 4:00 in the morning for three months straight. Most people would have ranted and cursed, but you never did. I admire you for that, Carter. You're a strong guy and I'll put in a good word for you." Ben scratched his head,

"Wow, thank you, sir. And, again, I'm sorry for disrespecting you that day; I was angry and upset."

"I know, I understand; this is a hard job. So, how did that conversation go with your girlfriend?" He shrugged his shoulders,

"It went okay, I guess. She was devastated, of course, and we argued a little bit, but I love her and I would do anything for her. I want to make this word and she said she does, too."

"Wow, you're lucky."

"I know."

"No, you really are, Carter." Ben looked at him and he continued,

"I can't tell you how many men lose their wives and girlfriends in this career. Though I'm a lieutenant, I have a major in psychology and I've helped many people deal with losing loved ones. Just be lucky you have a girl that's willing to make this work, because, honestly, I haven't seen one work yet."


As he walked back to his room, he couldn't get what the lieutenant had said out of his mind. As he walked in, Ethan was sitting on his bed.

"Hey Mr. Disrespectful, how was your last day running?"

"It was okay. The lieutenant came up to me and told me that I did a good job and that he admired me for obeying his orders and not complaining about it. We got to talking and he told me how lucky I was to have Allison as my girlfriend. He then proceeded to tell me that he's never seen a relationship in this career work." Ethan laughed,

"Are you serious? What a jerk." Ben nodded and sat down on his bed and put his arms on his knees. Ethan looked over,

"What is it?" He shook his head,

"It's nothing, I just- I don't feel lucky. I mean, I love Allison with all of my heart and I thank God that he put her in my life because I don't know where I would be without her; I wouldn't even consider it living. But I don't know, it's just lately…"

"Did something happen?" He shook his head again,

"No, nothing huge, but we've been getting into arguments all of the time. I don't know what starts half of them but nine times out ten, we're arguing. I hate it so much and we both apologize after, but it seems like the very next second we're arguing again. We're drifting apart somehow, no matter how much I don't like it, it's happening. It sickens me, but I can't do anything about it. I don't want to argue with her and I just end up apologizing just for the sake of having a moment's peace." Ethan shook his head,

"Man, Ben, I'm sorry. I know it's got to be killing you."

"Yeah, it is." He stood up and went across the room and Ethan asked,

"What is it, Ben?" He sighed and shook his head,

"It's just, I'm not as excited to talk on the phone with her as I used to be. I just hate the arguments we have, all of the time. I just sometimes think that, if we don't talk on the phone, it won't give us a chance to argue. I know that sounds bad and, believe me, just hearing her voice puts me in a better mood. But every time we talk, we argue and I'm getting tired of it. I hate feeling this way, but I can't help it. Is it wrong to feel like this?"

"No, it's not wrong. I know exactly how you feel, the exact same thing happened with me and my girlfriend. We had fights all of the time and we eventually just broke up. It's hard for a relationship to make it when all of the odds are stacked against you." Ben nodded and Ethan put his hand on Ben's shoulder,

"But I think you and Allison are the only exception. You both love each other more than I've ever seen two people be. I haven't even met Allison and I know you two are meant to be together. Don't worry; you'll make it through this." Ben nodded,

"Thank you, I appreciate that. I hope you're right."


Poor Ben! And Allison! Good lord Heidi, why are you writing such sad stuff? I promise, all of this has a purpose. You'll just have to continue reading to find out! And please don't send me hate mail haha I know how into stories people can get. I promise, it serves a purpose! Please review! :)