:D New chapter! I'm not giving anything away. I don't like to ruin stuff. Haha, enjoy!


Chapter 37

The next couple of weeks were quiet, both in his missions and his mail. He had only gotten two short letters from Allison in two weeks. He started to worry; was she really willing to make this work? Needing to clear his head, he walked to Ethan's room. He knocked on the door and told him that he was going down to the bar, if wanted to come with me. He ended up going with a huge crowd of guys; fifteen at least. They went and had, what ended up being, more than a few beers. Ben was on his third one when he heard scrambling and yelling behind him. He turned around and saw a huge crowd of people.

He pushed through the crowd and saw that two men that he had come with were fighting with two other guys from the bar. Though Ben was only on his third one, a bunch of the guys he was with were on their seventh and eighth. Ethan was standing beside him and they watched, along with many others, as the four men fought. The two men that were with Ben were getting beat up pretty badly. Ben leaned towards Ethan,

"We have to help them."

"What? No way; I'm not getting kicked out of the Force."

"Just help me pull them off of each other." Ethan sighed,

"Why do we have to be the ones to do it?"

"Because no one else is doing anything." He didn't say anything right away, but he finally nodded,

"Fine, let's do it quick though."

Ben nodded and they pushed through the crowd, where the four men were fighting. They were all on top of each other and Ben grabbed Sam while Ethan grabbed Taylor, the two guys they had come with. Ben easily grabbed Sam, but Ethan had trouble with Taylor. When Ben grabbed Sam and pulled him up, a couple of men they came with, grabbed him and pulled him away from the fight.

Ben turned to Ethan and he was still having trouble with Taylor. They were on the ground and Taylor had the other guy in a headlock. Ethan was grabbing at Taylor's arms and Ben grabbed Taylor's hands and pulled them apart, releasing the man's head. Ethan grabbed Taylor and pulled him into the crowd, away from the fight. Ben stood up and turned just in time to hear Ethan yell his name and see the man's fist right in front of his face. He got punched right about the eye and he quickly dodged another one of the man's punches. Though he shouldn't have, Ben punched him in the face. He fell on the ground and, by then, a couple of men, probably his friends, pushed through the crowd and grabbed the man and dragged him away. Ben touched above his eye, feeling blood run down the side of his face, and wiped it off. Ethan came up behind him,

"Hey, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Well, come on; let's get out of here before the lieutenants hear about this."


They quickly went back to the base and they all headed to their rooms. Ben went and took a shower and put on his sweatpants and a t-shirt. He looked in the mirror and saw a scar above his eye, along with his other scar from his fight with Seth. Thinking of Seth reminded him of Allison. He sat own on his bed and pulled out his letter from Tyler, paying close attention to end

"In my honest opinion, I wouldn't want the person I loved to be in so much pain, just because of me."

He read that line over and over again and read how he described what his girlfriend was going through. He sighed and put down the letter and decided to give Allison a call. He had not used his call for this month yet, so he walked to where the phone was and dialed her number. She picked up on the fifth ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Allison, it's Ben."

"Hey! Hold on a minute, let me go outside. Hold on guys, I'll be right back." He heard her say. A couple of seconds later, she said,

"Okay, that's better. So hi! How are you doing?" He smiling loving this kind of enthusiastic conversation He prayed wanting this phone call to be different; he wasn't in the mood for arguing tonight.

"I'm good; I just got back from the bar. Where are you? Did I interrupt something?" He unintentionally asked with an edge but, thankfully, she didn't notice.

"No, you didn't interrupt at all; I'm just having dinner with a couple of my friends. So, you've been drinking?"

"Yeah, but don't worry, I'm not drunk; I'm completely sober." She laughed,

"Okay, good."

"I had to break up a fight though, which wasn't very fun."

"What? Are you okay?" He nodded,

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"You shouldn't be fighting, Ben."

"I wasn't fighting-"

"You know you can get kicked out of the Air Force for that, right?" She interrupted."

"Allison, I wasn't fighting." He said, his voice rising.

"I was just giving you some advice…"

"I don't need your advice; I tried to tell you I wasn't fighting but you kept interrupting me." He snapped.

"Well, fine then. I was just trying to keep you from getting kicked out."

"You would love that, wouldn't you?"

"What is your problem, Ben? Why are you so touchy? You're probably drunk and, for all I know, you were the one fighting and someone else had to stop you."

"I was not fighting! Jesus, will you listen to me for two seconds?"

"You know what? I've got to go; my friends are waiting for me inside."

"Yeah, we wouldn't want to keep them waiting." He snapped again. She sighed,

"Call me back when you're sober. Goodbye, Ben."


He hung up the phone and looked down. He heard someone come up behind him and he turned around to see Ethan approaching.

"Wow, I'm surprised she hasn't broken up with you already; do you always talk to her like that?"

"Shut up, Ethan."

"I mean, I'm just saying; if you talked to me like that, I wouldn't be staying with you." He stood up and walked back to his room, not responding to Ethan's comment. He went inside and kicked his end table and sat down on his bed. He heard a knock on his door and he looked and saw that his door wasn't closed. Ethan was standing in the doorway and Ben shook his head,

"Go away, Ethan, I don't want to hear any more about how bad a boyfriend I am." Ethan shook his head,

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I've just never heard you argue with her before."

"Oh, we've argued," He said, standing up,

"We've argued more in the last three months than I've ever argued in my entire life. I'm so sick of it, I can't even have one single conversation with her without of us yelling and both of us arguing. I'm tired of it and I don't know what to do."

"I don't know what to tell you, Ben. Just try your best not to argue with her from now on."

"You don't think I've tried to do that? I called her and I tried to have a decent conversation with her, but she kept saying 'You shouldn't be fighting' and 'You can get kicked out for fighting.'" Ethan shrugged his shoulders,

"Well that's all true, right? You shouldn't be fighting and you can be kicked out for it."

"But I wasn't fighting and I tried to tell her that but she kept interrupting me."

"Aww, did Allison hurt little Ben's feelings? Did she interrupt him while he was trying to talk?" He shook his head,

"You know what, whatever; I'm done trying to have a conversation with you." Ethan laughed,

"Lighten up, I was kidding. But I heard your conversation with her and it sounded like you were orchestrating some of the argument as well. 'I don't need your advice' and 'we wouldn't want them to wait.' What did you expect her to say, Ben?" He sighed,

"I know, it's just sometimes when I talk to her, I just get…angry. I don't know why, I love her to death and I love talking to her, but I just get mad when I talk to her. Everything she says just makes me angry."

"Ben, that's not good."

"I know that, and I hate myself for feeling that way; I can't help it though." Ethan sat down on his bed,

"Do you want my honest opinion, Ben?"

"Sure."

"Okay, don't get mad, but I think that you and Allison need some time apart."

"What?" Ethan stood up,

"Look, just hear me out; if you're constantly arguing back and forth, you probably need some time apart."

"Time apart? We've been apart for eight freaking months. The last thing we need is time apart."

"I'm just saying-"

"Well, I'm just saying the last thing we need is time apart. I love her too much to let her go. She's sacrificed so much for me, I'm not going to break up with her" Ethan shook his head,

"Well, don't tell me that, Ben, tell her."

"I can't, I've already used my phone call for this month."

"Well, write her and apologize." He nodded,

"I will."


After he talked with Ethan, he sat down on his bed and took out a piece of paper and a pen. He wrote to Allison and told her that he was, once again, sorry for yelling and arguing with her. He hated when they argued and he knew she did, too. He had wasted a phone call to her and he regretted it. He finished writing the letter and put it on the table beside his bed and climbed into the bed and turned off the light and went to sleep.

He put the letter in their 'mailbox' the next day and Ethan came up to him while he was dropping it in.

"Did you write a letter to Allison?"

"Yeah, I wrote it last night."

"You apologize to her?"

"Yes, I apologized to her." Ethan nodded and they walked to the cafeteria. They got their lunch and sat down at a table and began eating. They continued to talk about Allison and Ben said,

"But there was one thing Tyler said at the end of his letter that I can't get out of my head .He said that, in his opinion, he wouldn't want the person he loved to be in so much pain, just on his behalf. He's right, he's absolutely right. I don't want Allison to be in any pain at all, but I don't know if she's feeling the same way that Tyler's girlfriend felt. Or Matt's wife. Or your old girlfriend…"

"Oh come on, Ben, you told me yourself that Allison had to start taking medicine for her nerves; that's got to tell you something, right?" Ben nodded, he thought about that all of the time. Ethan brought his hands together,

"Do you want to know what I think?"

"Sure."

"I think that you should write to her mom." Ben raised his eyebrow,

"For what?"

"Well, you can ask her how Allison's really doing. I mean, her mom has to see how she's really dealing with it all, right?" Ben nodded, liking his idea,

"Yeah, that's actually a really good idea." Ethan nodded and smiled,

"See? There you go; problem solved. Her mom won't lie to you; she'll tell you how Allison really is, just make sure to tell her not to mention anything to Allison about it." Ben nodded,

"I think I'm going to do that."

"Good, now let's finish eating so you can go write to her."


After they finished eating, they threw their trash away and headed back to their rooms. When Ben got to his room, he took out another piece of paper and a pen and began writing to her mom. He started off by telling her that he hoped she was doing well and told her that he was doing well and staying safe, too.

You probably think it's strange that I'm writing to you like this, but I need a huge favor, if you would be so kind. Allison doesn't know I'm writing to you and I'm hoping that it will stay that way so, if you could, could you please not tell her that I'm writing to you?

I just have one question and I ask that you would tell me the honest truth, even if you think I wouldn't want to hear it. I was just wondering if you could tell me how Allison is really doing. She tells me that she's doing fine, and I want to believe her, I just don't think she's telling me the whole truth. I just want to know how she's really coping and dealing with me being here. I honestly want to know and I doubt she would tell me. So, Mrs. Johnson, you're my only hope.

Thank you so much, I really appreciate this. Once again, I hope you're doing well and you'll tell me the honest truth. Hope to hear from you soon

Sincerely,

Ben Carter

He put the letter in the mailbox and lazed around the base for the next couple of days; waiting on a response Not only was he awaiting a letter from Allison's mom, but also a letter from Allison. He had written her the same day as he had written her mom and was hoping he would get both letters on the same day.


Five days after he wrote to both Allison and her mom, he finally received a response. He was standing by himself when he heard the mailman call out his name. He, again, pushed through the crowd and finally reached him. He held out the letter and Ben took it He looked down and saw that there was only one.

"Hey, is there any more for me, or is this is?"

"Nope, that's the only one, Ben." He nodded, disappointedly,

"Okay, well thank you."

"Yep, no problem."

He went back to his room and, while he was walking, he looked down at the letter. It was from Allison's mom; he didn't know whether to be happy, nervous, or sad. He was happy because this meant that she had gotten the letter and, hopefully, told him the honest truth about how Allison was really feeling. He was nervous for the same exact reason and sad because it had now been almost two weeks since he had received a letter from Allison.

When he got to his room, he sat down on his bed and opened the letter. He took a deep breath and began reading. She began by saying that she was doing fine and was happy to hear that he was doing well, also. She said that she had spent a lot of time with Allison since he left eight months ago.

She comes over almost every afternoon, sometimes later depending on her schedule. I'll honor your wishes and tell you the honest truth, even if I think that you're not going to like what you're about to read.

Like I said, she comes over almost every night and we always have dinner together. I always ask her about her day and how she's feeling and she, at first, always replied with 'fine' or 'alright.' We've grown very, very close; closer than we've ever been before. Now, when I ask her, she always tells me how she's really feeling.

With Eric gone and you away for months and months at a time we both feel that we can talk to each other about anything and everything. I tell her things that I share with no one else and, in return, she shares with me things she shares with no one else.

Ben, I wish I could tell you that she's telling you the truth and that she really is fine but, unfortunately she isn't. I'm only telling you these things because you asked me to tell you the truth, which is what I'm doing. Honestly Ben, I have never seen her in such a state of distress and sadness. She's very depressed and you're right, she had begun taking medication for her depression. She is so proud for what you're doing, but she's constantly worried about you, Ben.

She tries to make it seem like she's fine and happy when she's around other people, but I can see it in her eyes how much she's hurting. She's told me that she cries herself to sleep every single night worrying about you. I'm so sorry to tell you this, Ben; I know it's not what you wanted to hear.

On the positive side of things, she's only getting closer to seeing you again. That's what I keep reminding her; every second that goes by, she's that much closer to seeing you again. I think she's getting better at handling it, but she's a long way away from it, Ben. When she's with you, I've never seen her happier but, when she's away from you, I've never seen her so sad and depressed.

Well, I think I've told you everything there is to tell. I hope you're keeping safe and I hope I've done what you wanted me to. There's no need to write back and say thank you, I know Well, be good and be safe. Hope to see you soon!

Sincerely,

Patricia

He put the letter down and put his head in his hands, with tears in his eyes. Now it was confirmed; him being here was killing Allison. He now had a decision to make; one that would change his life forever.


The next couple of days were the most stressful and hardest days of his life. He had a decision to make and he couldn't make up his mind. After he debated back and forth for three days, he finally asked for Ethan's opinion. They were down at the cafeteria, eating, when Ben pulled out the letter from Allison's mom. He gave it to Ethan and Ethan looked down at it,

"What's this?"

"It's the response I got from Allison's mom."

"What? You didn't tell me she wrote you back." He shrugged his shoulders,

"It's not really something to cheer about."

"Uh-oh, this must me bad." Ben nodded,

"Yeah, it is; go ahead and read it." Ethan unfolded the letter and began reading. When he was done, he put it down and sighed,

"Jesus, Ben, she laid it on pretty thick, didn't she?"

"Yeah, but I told her I wanted the complete and honest truth."

"Well, she definitely gave it to you. What are you going to do?"

"I don't know, I've been going back and forth for three days." Ethan looked at him for a minute before saying,

"You're thinking about breaking up with her, aren't you?" He looked away and didn't answer for a while. But, finally, he nodded and Ethan sighed,

"God, Ben, that's going to kill her."

"I don't have a choice; it's killing her to be with me. I don't want her to endure all of this pain, just for me. I love her too much to make her do that to her."

"You love her enough to let her go?" Ben looked at him, then, reluctantly, nodded,

"Yeah. She'll hurt for a little bit, but she'll be able to move on and find someone that will make her happy and be there for her. I can't do that; I can't be there for her right now. If I stay with her, she'll be in so much pain for four years, not including the pain she's already endured. If I break up with her, she'll be in pain for a short amount of time, but she'll move on. All I want is for her to be happy, and she's not happy with me. She's happy for two weeks out of the year, it seems like." He shook his head,

"I can't keep doing this to her." He looked down and Ethan shook his head,

"This is killing you, isn't it?" Ben nodded,

"More than you could ever imagine. I love her so much, Ethan. But she deserves so much more than what I can give her. She deserves to be happy and, as long as I'm in her life, she's not going to be."

"Well, it seems like you've made up your mind." He looked down, but nodded,

"I have to do it."

"How? Are you going to call her or write to her?"

"I want to do it over the phone but," He shook his head,

"I wouldn't be able to do it if I heard her voice and heard her crying."

"Well, you better go get a pen and some paper." Ben nodded,

"I guess so." Ethan shook his head,

"You're really going to do this, aren't you?" Ben looked at him and finally nodded, with tears in his eyes,

"I have to, I don't have a choice."


Oh no... D: Another sad chapter... and the next one's going to be sad, too. I'm sorry guys! :(