Well, here it is. This is the last chapter of Part two, so next chapter begins part three. Exciting/ nerve-wracking! This chapter is really short compared to my others, but it's not boring, by any means.
Chapter 38
Writing the letter to Allison was one of the hardest things he knew he would ever have to do. He ended up using ten sheets of paper, starting over nine times before writing something that sounded decent. The hard part wasn't writing the letter, but actually putting it in the mailbox and sending it. Once he dropped it in, there was no going back. He ended up holding it for two days after he had finished writing it before he finally dropped it in the mailbox. He stared at it for almost ten minutes, knowing that he was going to break Allison's heart. He finally turned and headed back to his room, with tears in his eyes.
He went to his room and locked the door, trying to disconnect with the rest of the world going on around him. He sat on his bed, imagining what Allison was going to think when she read it. He was going to break her heart; something he thought he would never do. He felt his own heart breaking as he realized that he would never see or hold Allison in his arms again.
He put his head in his hands, tears falling down his face, but he knew he had no other choice. Allison was now free; free to do whatever she wanted without him being in the back of her mind, making her depressed. She was free of the sadness and anxiety and free of him. He heard a knock on his door and heard Ethan's voice call out,
"Ben, are you in there?"
"Go away, Ethan."
"Come on, open the door."
"No, leave me alone."
"I'm not going anywhere until you open the door; you're going to look gay with a guy waiting outside of your bedroom." Ben sighed and reluctantly got up and opened the door.
"I'm not gay." He said, turning around and sitting down on his bed Ethan nodded and came in and closed the door,
"I know, you're too in love with Allison to be gay." Ben lied back down on his bed and stared at the ceiling while Ethan sat down in the chair across from him. He sighed,
"You did it, didn't you?" Ben didn't answer right away, but he finally nodded,
"Yeah, I just put it in the mailbox about a half hour ago." Ethan sighed and shook his head,
"Jesus, that must have been one of the hardest things you've ever done. What'd you tell her?" Ben sighed and sat up and shrugged his shoulders,
"I told her that, ever since I was little, I had been imagining what the 'perfect girl' looked like. I told her my dad used to tell me that my future wife was walking the Earth at that very moment. I knew when I saw her that she was the one I wanted to marry. From that first conversation we had at Ruby Tuesdays that day, to us standing at the airport and me telling her that I was going to marry her, I knew that the 'perfect girl' I grew up imagining was nothing compared to her.
I told her that she was the best thing that ever happened to me and that she would always have her own space in my heart. She was, and always will be, the very first girl that I ever loved and wanted to marry but," He looked down and Ethan said,
"But what?" Ben shook his head,
"But I couldn't do it anymore. I told her that she deserves so much more than what I can give her and I told her she never did anything wrong. I didn't want her to hurt any longer and I told her she needed to find someone that would give her what she wanted and what she deserved. And I asked her to not write me back." Ethan raised his eyebrow and Ben shrugged his shoulders,
"And that's it; it's sitting in the mailbox right now."
"Did you tell her that you loved her?" He didn't answer right away, but finally shook his head,
"No, I didn't." Ethan raised his eyebrow again,
"What? Why not?"
"Because if I did she would think that she was the one who did something wrong. I don't want her thinking that," He looked down again,
"It's better if she thinks I fell out of the love with her."
"Ben, she's going to hate you." He shrugged his shoulders,
"Maybe that's a good thing. If she thinks I fell out of love with her, she won't blame herself for it. That's what I want; I don't want her to think she did anything wrong."
"Wow, that's the craziest thing I've ever heard."
"I know." Ethan smiled,
"I've never seen someone love another person like you love Allison."
"I never thought I would love someone as much as I love Allison. But it's over and we both have to move on."
"You are one lovesick guy, do you know that?" Ben laughed sadly,
"I know."
The next couple of days were hard; harder than Ben thought it would be. Every second, he imagined, would be the second that Allison would read the letter. After four days, he knew that she had already read it; he would usually get a letter back on the fourth day. But he didn't get a letter back and that was the beginning of the third week since he had received a letter from Allison.
He was sitting on his bed, five days after he had written the letter when Lieutenant Randolph knocked on his door. Since his door was open, en looked up and said,
"Hey, Lieutenant, come on in, sir."
"There won't be any need for that. I was just coming to tell you that you have a phone call." Ben raised his eyebrow,
"Someone's calling for me? I didn't know people could call the base."
"They can. For a fee of course, though." Ben stood up,
"Do you know who it is?"
"No, she didn't say, but she's crying up a storm. I could barely understand what she was saying through the sobs." Ben's heart sank, knowing exactly who was on the other line. He cleared his throat,
"Where can I take the call, sir?"
"I transferred it to the phone right down the hall for you."
"Okay. Thank you, sir."
"No problem." The lieutenant turned and headed back to his office and Ben began, what seemed like, the longest walk down to the phone. When he finally reached it, he picked it up and took a deep breath and put it to his ear,
"Hello?" He didn't hear crying, but he heard Allison breathing heavily,
"Ben?" He heard the sadness in her voice, only by her simply saying his name. He closed his eyes,
"Hey, Allison." She didn't say anything right away, but, finally, after a long period of silence, she said,
"I got your letter."
"Allison-"
"Please don't do this, Ben." He looked down, wanting to hell her how much he loved her and how much he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, but he forced himself to say,
"Allison, I can't do this anymore." She started to cry,
"Did I do something wrong, Ben? I'm sorry I haven't replied back to your letters, I've been so busy and I know that's not an excuse. Listen, Ben, I love you. I love you so much, please don't do this." He shook his head, getting tears in his eyes,
"I have to; I've made my decision." She didn't say anything for the longest time but, she finally said,
"You're a coward, Ben."
"What?"
"You promised me all of these things that you had no intention of doing. What about the whole 'I'm going to marry you when I come back?' Was that just a line to try and get me to stay with you? Did you have any intention of marrying me or was it all just a lie? 'I always keep my promises, you have nothing to worry about, Allison.' What about that, Ben?" He looked down, more tears forming in his eyes because he knew what he was about to say was going to kill her, as well as him.
"I lied, Allison. I had no intention of marrying you, you're right. I said it because I wanted you to stay with me and I was willing to say anything to get you to stay." She began to cry harder,
"I don't believe that; I know you, Ben. Something happened to make you feel this way. You told me in the letter that I was the first person you ever loved and the first person that you wanted to marry. Please don't lie to me, Ben. You said that I needed to find someone that makes me happy and that will give me what I want I've already found him; I'm talking to him right now. Ben, the perfect guy I grew up imagining doesn't hold a candle to you. You told me that same exact thing; I don't understand why you're doing this if we both feel this way."
"I can't tell you, Allison. I just know that this is for the best."
"Why? How is breaking up for the best? Best for whom, Ben?" He sighed,
"It's best for both of us."
"No, it's not; it's not better for me. How do you know what's better for me, Ben. I'm sorry for fighting with you, I've regretted it so much and I feel so horrible after it happens. Please, Ben." He sighed, more tears coming in his eyes. She continued to talk and, while she was talking, he whispered,
"I love you." She stopped talking,
"What'd you say? I didn't hear you."
He shook his head and hung up the phone He put the phone on the receiver, his hand still on it, and looked down, tears now streaming down his face.
Oh noooooooooooo. I know you guys are prolly so mad at me. But, let me just say, this story is not over, by any means. We've still got a ways to go. Hope you will still stick with me as it continues! Please review! :)
