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Rating: Mature
Archive Warning: author chose not to use ARCHIVE warnings
Categories: F/M
Fandom: Love and Coffee (Light Novel)- Hikigaya Hachiman
Relationships: Nagatomo Etsuji/Arakaki Akane
Characters: Nagatomo Etsuji, Arakaki Akane, Machiko Mei, Kanawa Kagami
Additional Tags: Canon Continuation, Bittersweet, Slowburn, Eventual Fluff, NagatomoBeingEdgyAf, ArakakiAkaneBeingBestGirl, Nagatomo/ArakakiBeingAnAdorableMess, SomeDramaButMostlyFluff
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2021-03-04 Updated: 2023-09-23 Words: 154,598 Chapters: 37 Comments: 2145 Kudos: 9732 Bookmarks: 1957 Hits: 175,965
A LATTE PLEASE (WITH A HINT OF LOVE)
definitelynotetsuji
Summary: Nagatomo Etsuji and Arakaki Akane have never really known… well, how to live. But together, they might just figure it out. And consume an ungodly amount of coffee along the way, of course.
Notes:The Love and Coffee anime is getting nearer and nearer! Given that this is, y'know, probably the most exciting thing ever, my inspiration is at an all-time high. Chapters are quite literally flying out of my ass. Like shit, my beta's struggling to keep up the pace. As usual, thanks to Feezerdog for reading my stuff and putting up with my crappy plot developments.
This chapter's also exciting from a landmark perspective. We just broke 150,000 words, which is far more than I ever anticipated writing. It's my longest fanfic by far. I started this story as a means of giving myself a quick fix of Etsuji/Akane fluff. It just so happens that you guys, my awesome readers, have a similar Love and Coffee related addiction, lmao.
Now before we get to the chapter, let's respond to some comments/reviews.
In response to a question from iworshipAkane: Do you have an ending to this story in mind?
Answer: Nope, not especially. My reason for that is because reality doesn't have an ending either. This story is a canon continuation (and a way for us to keep enjoying Hikigaya-sensei's creation as he writes Volume 6… seriously, that guy just doesn't like writing…); but more than that, it's become a way for me to give the characters I love a life of their own.
Not just Nagatomo and Arakaki, but Machiko and Kanawa too. You Etsuji/Akane purists will hate me for saying this, but I honestly love ALL of the characters in Love and Coffee, not just my main ship.
I've taken Etsuji and Akane past high school, out of university and into the wide wide world, far beyond the limits of the cafe where they met. But so what? Why shouldn't the ending of this story be that it never gets an ending? Doing so would consign these characters to fiction. Hikigaya-sensei describes them so beautifully that it's only fair I keep them alive.
So yeah. That's a super elongated answer to a simple question, but whatever.
K, that's enough prevarication. Here's your chapter! Enjoy your weekly dose of fluff, injected into your veins by I, definitelynotetsuji! Drop a comment and a kudos if ur feeling kind.
Chapter 37: The Pregnancy Test
... Akane stared down at the result, and wondered how her and Etsuji's life was about to change. The reality of the situation hit her head on. The decisions that would have to be made. The preparations accounted for. The financial situation. All of it hit her like a ten-tonne pile of bricks.
What will Etsuji think? She thought...
September 26th 2023, 7:11 PM
I did it. I actually fucking did it.
Not write Love and Coffee, of course. That's asking far too much, and remains in the ground of scientific impossibility. What I 'actually fucking did' is sit down and read some Love and Coffee fanfiction.
As is a continual wonder to me, there are chumps out there who genuinely think my light novel series is worth something more than dirt. These chumps, trying their upmost to elevate said dirt into a fandom of quality, have been hard at work writing fics and drawing art at the double.
In the absence of a trashy author to write their trash for them, these morons have decided they might as well write it themselves. And y'know what? Fair enough. While I'm sitting here on my ass, staring at a keyboard which defiantly refuses to produce a single sentence, they're doing something productive. They produce shit, but hey, it's productive nonetheless.
I promised myself awhile ago, alongside many promises of mine that themselves promise not to be fulfilled, to have a look and see what these fic writers have come up with. I figured it would be funny. It's funny to read the 28 Sins website's waifu wars, so why wouldn't this be funny too?
Well… it did make me laugh. But for all the wrong reasons. The laughter it prompted from me was the 'how-the-fuck-have-things-got-to-this' kind of laughter. The 'am-I-really-so-crap-that-fanfic-writers-are-now-showing-me-up?' kind of laughter.
The first fic I stumbled across was, predictably, the most popular one. I typed in 'Love and Coffee Fanfiction' into the search engine and the first one that popped up was 'A Latte Please (With A Hint of Love' on Pixiv. Then I found out it was actually a translation of a super popular English language one, originally written on some site called Archive Of Our Own.
Whatever. I went back to the Pixiv translated version- which by the way, was fucking long- and started reading.
I didn't read all of it, cause no fanfiction writer deserves that kind of attention, and the thing went on for eons. But I wasted a good few hours reading the first ten chapters. Those alone were about 50,000 words.
It didn't show me up in terms of quality. Not in the slightest. I may be a shitty writer, but I'm not that shitty. The most I can say for this writer, a dude who calls himself 'definitelynotetsuji', is that it was readable. Intoxicatingly sentimental, nauseating, saccharine and whatever other word you can think of for 'fluffy', but still readable.
The way that he showed me up, and the reason I found it so painfully funny, was the dedication. I mean seriously. This fic, 'A Latte Please (With A Hint of Love)', seemed to go on forever.
He wrote sentence after sentence after sentence in honour of Etsuji and Akane. He brought them together (however implausibly) and wrote about their lives like every word was a part of some masterfully crappy symphony.
There's some gratifying about reading a writer's work, no matter the quality, when they're fully in the grip of Writing Fever. It's that delicious buzz that rushes through your soul when the story is just forming. The buzz that sometimes lasts long enough to carry you to the end.
With Love and Coffee, I haven't felt that buzz in a long time.
Shit. I'm jealous of a fucking fanfic author. Now you see why this is so funny?
This guy, definitelynotetsuji. His writing fever buzz was so strong I almost felt myself getting secondhand inspiration. Or maybe it wasn't secondhand. Maybe it was just the strangulation of memory. The memory of the initial Love and Coffee buzz that took hold of me back then.
It's probably inaccurate to call it a buzz, because writing about Yukinoshita Yukino never felt particularly gratifying, or even that exciting. It felt mandatory somehow, like paying taxes or breathing. Writing Love and Coffee, writing about Yukinoshita Yukino, was something I couldn't not do. Or that's how I perceive it in hindsight.
This is all because of that fucking home interview. That's the reason I tortured myself by reading that dumb ass fan fiction, and why I'm trying to write this recount again instead of Love and Coffee. Writing about her in distorted light novel form isn't enough for me anymore- now, it only works to do so in the form of a fully fledged recount.
I knew that the interview was coming up. I knew it was due on the 26th. After much persistence, Katsomoto had finally persuaded me to let some anodyne journalist into my house and ask me some predictable, anodyne questions.
The excitement around Love and Coffee has never been greater because of the upcoming anime- both KyoAni and Shogakukan have been pestering Katsomoto for authorial comments. I gave in mostly so that the guy could catch a break. He might be just as much a nuisance as the anime, but goddamnit does he work hard. Much harder than me, I might add.
They turned up at 1 in the afternoon, which was the time they'd scheduled in. It was a perfectly reasonable time for any normal human being to turn up. But I've got into a bad habit of, y'know, not sleeping, so when they turned up I was borderline passed out on the couch. She had to ring the bell about fifty times before I answered.
And yes, you heard that right Computer-San. She. There was an actual, living woman in my house. And a non-too attractive one at that. We're living in crazy times. Or I am, at least.
It can't have been very encouraging from her perspective. Girl turns up for what must be one of the biggest scoops in her life, and not only do I take years to answer the door, but when I do I'm wearing clothes that are two days old and probably smell like a whole troop of orangutans. Just perfect.
Still, seeing her made me regret not coming to the door sooner. Aesthetically speaking, she was the highlight of my month- not much of a compliment considering I've spent the entirety of said month indoors, but there you go. She had silver blue hair and purple flecked eyes. Her clothes screamed 'I am a working woman', if such a thing were possible. And no, not in that sense.
When she told me her name, which was 'Kawa'-something, she looked at me expectantly. All she got was a blank stare, at which point she flushed over.
"… We were in the same class at Sobu High. That was why the paper chose me for the interview."
"Oh."
"… Oh?"
"Well, you don't have a very memorable name."
I couldn't say the same for her face, and once she'd mentioned it, I did half recall someone who bore a similarity to her at Sobu High. I'm tempted to say second year? She didn't have much of a reason to lie, so I just shrugged and let her in.
I offered her a coffee and led her into the living room (in other words, the bare minimum that politeness demanded), and then sat opposite her. She perched on my couch with noticeable discomfort. I clearly didn't want her here- an attractive journalist is still a journalist, and if she deserved it, I had more than enough resentment in my heart to share.
Thankfully, Kawa-something must be used to dealing with anti-social loners, or otherwise was one herself. I'm tempted to say the latter, for once the initial discomfort had passed and she'd accepted that my conduct would be anything but professional, things settled down well.
She got straight to the point, no doubt sensing I'd appreciate her moving at a brusque pace- the sooner we finished, the sooner I could get back to not writing Love and Coffee. Or reading Love and Coffee fan fiction. Fucking hell. What a stupid thing to do with my day.
The first few questions were standard. "When did you first get the idea for Love and Coffee?", or "What inspired Nagatomo Etsuji?". The totally dime-a-dozen questions that any old moron could come up with, and believe me, they have. The amount of times I've had to say 'it all started in New York…' is unbelievable.
But just as my faith in Kawa-something was starting to dwindle, she pulled out her big guns. Heh. How unfortunate that's not a euphemism.
The first question to hint at some original and independent thought was as follows.
Kawa: Is there something about Love and Coffee, artistic or otherwise, that you regret?
Me: Hmm… as much as I, uh, appreciate my fans, some of the lifestyle changes are a bit inconvenient, blah blah blah… (Actual Answer: Writing it at all.)
Kawa: And that bothers you?
Me: I think it would bother anyone to hear a dude shout 'hey, you're the guy who wrote L and C' in a public toilet. (Actual Answer: Of course it fucking does.)
She'd smirked at that. Kawa: Did that really happen?
I nodded, rolling my eyes. She pressed on, no doubt happier for the ice-breaker. My MAXX Coffee was already half finished at that point.
Kawa: After much speculation, it was KyoAni who finally broke the deal to adapt Love and Coffee into an anime. Did you have a role in the negotiations?
Me: KyoAni are a great company, and I'm sure they'll do a great job. They definitely have my blessing. (Actual Answer: I avoided them at all cost.)
Kawa: What do you think convinced your team they were the right studio?
Me: They're magnificent track record. Violet Evergarden, A Silent Voice and the new Free! movies are all masterpieces blah blah blah… (Actual Answer: A whole lot of yen probably.)
Kawa: Thus fur, Eguchi Takuya has been confirmed as Etsuji, Hayami Saori as Akane, Touyama Nao as Kagami and Sakura Ayane as Mei. Have any of the seiyuus contacted you for advice about their characters?
Me: I've refrained from guiding them too strongly. It'll be beneficial for the story if they come up with their own interpretation of the characters blah blah blah... (Actual Answer: They tried to. I ignored them.)
Kawa: That's interesting for you to say… Other authors might be more dictatorial about their creation…?
Me: One of the joys of Love and Coffee for me is that everyone has their own interpretation… (Actual Answer: Other authors CARE about their creation.)
It was at this point that I decided to test her a little. If ever I'm forced to take an interview, it's customary for me to take revenge by prodding the interviewer right back. Once, I asked a guy if they knew Etsuji's name, and they genuinely didn't. Pretty sure he got sacked not long after.
Me: For example, what's your interpretation of the series, Kawa-something?
She looked up from her notepad in surprise, no doubt used to interviewing people who didn't care what about anyone except themselves. Kawa: … You're asking?
Me: Sure. What would you say the series is about, ultimately?
Kawa-something must have gleaned this was some sort've test. That if she gave a solid answer I might give her something interesting. And so, a determined look crossed her face.
It made her look kinda hot. Well, hotter than she was already. What? No one else is gonna read this shitty pseudo diary.
Although I suppose that's what Yukinoshita Yukino thought when she was in Pirellis. Irony is a strange thing, Computer-Chan.
Kawa: Well, I'm saying this in regard to the first four volumes. I haven't read the fifth one yet, so I can't claim knowledge of the whole series.
Me: That's alright. (At least she's honest).
Kawa: (deep breath) ... For me, I think it's about wish-fulfilment.
Me: (smirks) In other words, you think it's crap?
Kawa-something flinched, thinking she'd offended me, but I just waited for her to continue. It's not like she was wrong.
Eventually, averting her eyes so that the silvery blue hair fell over her eyes, she finished her sentence. Kawa: I didn't mean it quite like that. Sure, a lot of your readers might have enjoyed it for… for those aspects, but I think a good amount of them can see beyond the illustrations.
Me: Then why did you say wish-fulfilment?
Kawa: … It was my brother who suggested I read it. He doesn't usually read, so I was surprised to see him so caught up in a book series, sharing it with everyone he met, blah blah blah…
(What's important is that she said this) Kawa: We both agree that it's a sad story, deep down.
Me: What kind of sad story?
Kawa: You've always insisted that it's not autobiographical, and maybe the the events themselves aren't, but I can't help but think it's drawn on real feelings. A real someone, maybe…?
Again, she wasn't wrong. Kawa-something was quickly proving herself to be one of my least shit interviewers. I indulged her even further.
Me: Sum it up in one word.
Kawa: What?
Me: Sum up your interpretation of Love and Coffee in one word only. Wish-fulfilment is technically two, so it doesn't count.
She spent longer thinking about her first answer this time, but the one she came up with surprised me.
Kawa: … Guilt.
Me: Why?
Kawa: … I'm probably being far too intrusive here-
Me: Say what you want to say. I'm intrigued.
Kawa: I think it's a story about a relationship that never begun. Something which you feel guilty about…
I shrugged, and then said the thing that right now, typing away at my laptop, I'm regretting like a bad night out.
Me: Not bad, Kawa-something. Nothing's quite as simple as that though.
Kawa: So you admit it is based on real experiences? More so than just the famous trip to New York?
I gritted my teeth, realising I'd dug myself a hole, and revealed too much. My highest policy was to say exactly what was required of me as a light novelist, and nothing more. This girl had lulled me into a false sense of security with her insightful answers and sultry good looks. Fuck off, Kawa-something.
Me: Fine. I'll return the favour. You want my summation of Love and Coffee in one word?
Kawa: Our readers would definitely want to know."
It surprised me really. How little I had to think about it. How instinctively this word came to me.
I've spent five years writing Love and Coffee, capturing that elusive strain of inspiration in however many thousand sentences, and all those months of toil suddenly found themselves reduced to a single one. It summarised the contents of my soul as only a succinct word can.
Me: Hope.
Kawa: Hope?
Me: Yes.
Kawa: Would you care to elaborate on that?
Me: Not especially.
She took the hint and wrote down what looked like a sanitised rephrasing. Good interviewer. Wonder what she'll say I'm wearing in the article instead of a two days old clothes? A tuxedo with a designer watch? Thank the light novel gods for editorialising.
If anything good came of this home interview, it's that I'm probably gonna incorporate the dialogue into Love and Coffee Volume 6. The crisscrossing stichomythia seems like a classic Etsuji/Mei 'aggressive flirting' scene. If I ever hit another gold patch with writing, I'll make sure to get that in somewhere.
See, Future Hachiman? I've been considerate enough to write it down. With transcript recorded, or what u can remember of transcript, u won't have to come up with as much original dialogue. Score for economical and creatively bankrupt writing.
SECOND REMINDER: ADD TO VOLUME 6 MASTER DOC
Thank you, Kawa-something. Not for the interview, but for that idea, and also for being the nicest thing I've seen this month. It seems pithy to reiterate that. Your hair was nice and your eyes were even nicer.
The rest of the interview was dry. I admit that she'd proven herself tolerable, but once we'd got back into the standardised question-and-answer there wasn't much else to shout home about. At one point, it seemed like she was onto something, asking about how far Etsuji represented myself, but I slipped out of that maggot-infested hole with with my customary evasiveness.
She finished up on her notepad, I offered her another coffee (again for politeness) sake and then led her back towards the door. It was all a bit unceremonious, which suited the visit itself, and I could tell that Kawa-something was still reeling from the unexpectedness of it all. I have a reputation for being reclusive, but it would be strange from her perspective anyway.
She said, "Thank you for having me. Your answers were very informative," and then bowed.
The formality didn't suit her contralto tone of voice at all- I got the sense that talking to Kawa-something outside of a work capacity would be very different. She'd probably insult me more, for one. What was she like back at Sobu High, I wonder?
I probably got a hint after I'd said goodbye, and was about to close the door. Her words were exactly why I felt the need to read that stupid fan fiction.
Partly, I feel I should write them down so that when I read this again, which is surely inevitable, it will act as the equivalent to a slap in the face. Y'know you fucking deserve it, Future Hachiman- this is the second time I'm talking to u in this entry here.
Because Kawa-something gave me some good advice just before I closed the door. She hesitated for a moment and then turned around, looking me right in the eye, and said, "Are you stupid?"
Then, when I was still reeling from the surprise of what she'd said, she started rattling off her complaints. "You smell. You haven't washed your clothes in days. It's disgusting. Your house was disgusting too. Can't you clean it up a little? It can't be helpful to write in a shit-hole like that. And being rude for the sake of being rude is a really shitty habit. Cut it out."
"You finished?" It was all I could manage in the face of that tirade.
Then she surprised me one final time- and u, future Hachiman- by saying this.
"… And most of all… stop thinking what you've written is worthless. No one whose brought so much happiness to so many people deserves to think they're worthless. Them or their work. Do all those things, and you might come across like the person I'm gonna pretend you are in this article."
She bowed again. "I mean it. Do all of those things, Hikigaya-sensei, and you won't come across like an idiot. Idiot."
And then Kawa-something was gone. But her words won't be gone from my life so quickly, because I've written them down here, and she's absolutely right, and YOU, Future Hachiman, need to listen to her.
Hopefully, you did listen to her, and I'm no longer the kind of person who Kawa-something thinks is an idiot.
Hopefully, Future Hachiman is wearing clothes that don't smell, and his house is tidy, and he's just released Love and Coffee Volume 6 to great acclaim and the anime is a great success too and he's finally fucking called Komachi and he's just had great sex with Yukinoshita Yukino who is now his wife and he's living on an island in the Peloponnese with her
Present Hachiman isn't counting on that though, definitely not, because he knows the kind of person who "Hikigaya-sensei" is, and it isn't someone who changes easily.
Likelihood is, Future Hachiman is sat on his bed just like Present Hachiman is doing now, staring at his laptop screen, writing a recount of his experience with Yukinoshita Yukino instead of Love and Coffee, and wondering just how the fuck he's gonna get himself out of this catastrophic mess he calls a life.
If that's the case, as probability all but confirms, then fuck u Hachiman. Present, Future, Past or otherwise. FUCK U
Fuck u for reading a Love and Coffee fan fiction to comfort yourself with the thought that someone is writing your story, even if it's not you, and fuck u for thinking it was a story that ever needed to be told.
Just fuck u, and fuck Love and Coffee.
26th September 2023 8:43 PM
I'm clinging onto the hope that by finishing this recount, and writing down everything that happened with Yukinoshita in full, then the floodlights will finally open on Volume 6, and my life will be magically re-arranged into a picture that makes sense, instead of looking like a Salvador Dali painting.
So this is a vow. The next time I sit down at this computer, I'm going to finish writing it, without anymore interruptions or delays. I, Hikigaya Hachiman, solemnly swear it.
In fact, I'm gonna do it tonight. I'm gonna write it all tonight. TONIGHT. Tofuckingnight.
Just lemme get a coffee first
AN (GOF this time): I've just got back from my uni semester, and my urge to write has absolutely sky-rocketed now that exams and such are over. I have a chapter of A Doll's Eyes in its closing stages, which will be published once I've spruced things up a little, as well as the 'fairytale' sections of a new Frozen Princess chapter.
The real surprise for me though, upon getting back, was Love and Coffee. Suddenly, loads of my old ideas were jumping out at me, as well as some new ones. With my writing set to all systems go, I thought I'd have a go at breaking the block for this story and it proved easier than expected. Hachiman may be struggling with his L and C, but for the first time in literally years I myself didn't seem to be.
So yeah, here we are. I've actually written past this point, but I want the final stages of his New York recount to be their own separate section, firstly because they're long and also because the chapters of this story were always quite episodic anyway. I can't say if this writing fever of mine will last, but I sure hope it does.
It's definitely been awhile, but I hope those of you who got this far enjoyed the chapter, as well as any other soon-to-be updates.
