New chapterrr. yayayayayay! My last two chapters were kinda short, so I made this one long! I love longer chapters, don't y'all? More bang fo yo buck! Haha, enjoy!


Chapter 40

They fished every afternoon for the entire week. The day after they arrived, Ben took his surfboard and went surfing the entire afternoon. He was a little rusty at first and he wiped out more than a few times, but he quickly got the hang of it again. He surfed every day after that and, by the time the week was over, he was severely sunburnt. His back and face, especially, were on fire. The top of his shoulders were red, but not as red as his back and face.

When Friday came, they packed up all of their things and put them in the truck. While his dad was putting all of the fishing gear in the truck, Ben was packing all of his clothes into his bag. While he was packing, he looked on top of his dresser and saw the picture of him and Allison that he had found a week before.

He looked at it for a minute, trying to decide if he was going to leave it here or take it with him. He stared at the picture and finally put it in his bag. He slung his bag over his shoulder and headed outside to meet his dad. He had just finished loading the truck and he put the tailgate up. Ben put his bag in the back seat and they both got in and headed home. While they were driving, his dad said,

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, Chris and Madison invited us to go out on the boat with them tomorrow, do you want to go?"

"Yeah, that sounds like fun."

"They said their daughter, Lilah, is coming, too. She's 24 and has a degree in law; she's single, too." Ben shook his head,

"Dad, don't even think about it."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not going to be set up with some girl I don't even know." His dad shook his head,

"I'm not setting you up with her. Even if I was, what would be wrong with that? You're single and so is she."

"I'm not looking for a relationship."

"Why not? It's been two years, Ben."

"This has nothing to do with Allison."

"Oh, really? What did you do with that picture of you and her kissing? Did you leave it at the beach house?" He didn't answer right away and his dad said,

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

'You know what? Can you just shut up, please?"

"Hey, don't talk to me like that." Ben sighed,

"I'm just not looking to date anyone right now, okay?"

"Fine, but we're still going tomorrow."

They drove for about five more minutes in silence until his dad said,

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have tried to-"

"It's fine, dad." He interrupted.

"No, it's not. I know you still love Allison, Ben. Hell, I still love her, too; she was one of the nicest girls I ever met. She was the perfect one for you, too."

"Yeah thanks dad, I know."

"She was, Ben. She was willing to stay with you, too. But I understand why you broke it off with her."

"You're about the only one who does." He shook his head,

"I don't think so. I think Allison understands why you did it."

"I seriously doubt it. I know she doesn't understand; she probably hates me." They pulled into the driveway and Ben turned off the truck. His dad shrugged his shoulders,

"That's not what she told me." Ben's heart stopped,

"What?"

"Here, come with me."

They went inside and Ben basically pushed his father through the house. They went to his dad's room and he grabbed a letter off of his drawer and handed it to Ben. He raised his eyebrow,

"Why did she write you a letter?"

"Go ahead, read it." Ben sat down on his dad's bed, anxious to read it. He opened it up and began reading,

Dear Mr. Carter,

How are you doing? It's been a while since I've talked to you since you- know- what happened. I told you he hung up on me, didn't I? I was so angry but, more than that, I was hurt. We were together for over three years. It seemed like so much longer than that, I feel like I've known him all of my life; like I've loved him all of my life. It hurt me that he felt he couldn't tell me what I did wrong. I'll always wonder and I don't know if I'll ever get an answer.

I still love your son, Mr. Carter. I know that's crazy to say after everything that's happened, but I do. I love him with all of my heart. He told me that I deserved so much more than what he could give me. That made me so sad, Mr. Carter. He gave me all I ever wanted and he never knew and will never know that. I never told him and I made him feel like he wasn't enough. You don't know how hard I cried when I read that

He told me that I deserved someone who would make me happy and be there for me. Did he not know that he was all of that to me? That he made me happy? Happier than I had ever been in my entire life? I feel so bad, Mr. Carter. I never told him and he went our whole relationship not knowing how much he meant to me.

I love your son, Mr. Carter and I think I always will. I don't blame him for breaking up with me; I was a horrible girlfriend and it's him who deserves more than me. I have to go now, but I'll talk to you again soon, Mr. Carter. Hope you're doing well.

Love,

Allison

When Ben finished reading, he put the letter down and put his head in his hands, tears starting to fall from his eyes. He felt his dad put his hand on his back and Ben stood up.

"How long has it been since she wrote that?" His dad sighed,

"Ben-"

"How long?"

"I got it about a month after you broke up with her. I know what you're thinking; it's not your fault." Ben shook his head,

"I didn't want this; this is the exact opposite of what I wanted! She thinks she did everything wrong when she didn't do anything; she did everything right." He shook his head,

"Breaking up with her made her think that she was the one who did something wrong." He shook his head again,

"I have to go talk to her." His dad raised his eyebrow,

"What? Ben, no, it's been two years."

"I don't care! I don't want her thinking that she was the one who did something wrong."

"Ben, she wrote that letter two years ago! She was heartbroken. Of course she's going to think that she did something wrong! If someone breaks up with you, you look at yourself and the mistakes you've made. You don't look at the other person and say 'Oh, it must've been something they did, not me.' She was heartbroken, Ben. It's been two years since she wrote that. Look here, after the sadness comes the angriness. After you get hurt, the pain turns to anger. I'm not saying she's mad at you ball all I'm saying it that you don't need to call her." Ben didn't say anything right away, but he finally sighed and nodded,

"You're right she's probably happy with someone else. Me calling her would only make things worse." His dad sighed,

"It wouldn't make it worse but I don't see what difference it could make. It's been too long, Ben." He nodded and picked up the letter and handed it to him. His dad shook his head,

"You keep it."

"Why would I keep it? It's a letter to you."

"Yeah, about you. Just keep it; put it with the rest of calling her would only make things worse." His dad sighed,

"It wouldn't make it worse but I don't see what difference it could make. It's been too long, Ben." He nodded and picked up the letter and handed it to him. His dad shook his head,

"You keep it."

"Why would I keep it? It's a letter to you."

"Yeah, about you. Just keep it; put it with the rest of our letters from her." He nodded and picked it up and was heading to his room when he realized something. He turned back around to face him,

"Wait, when did you say you got this?"

"About a month after you broke up with her, why?"

"And you didn't tell me? You finally decide to tell me two years after the fact?"

"Well, Ben, it's really not any of your business."

'None of my business? My girlfriend is none of my business? Why'd you tell me now, then?" His dad shrugged his shoulders,

"I don't know, what does it matter anyway?"

"What does it matter? She still felt like she did something wrong, which is exactly what I didn't want to happen! It broke my heart to break up with her; I did it so she can be happy to know, for sure, that she did absolutely nothing wrong. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Ben, it's not my fault you broke up with her. It was your decision; not mine. If Allison writes to me, it's none of your business." He nodded,

"You're right, it's not your fault; I made the decision and I was the one who broke up with her. But if you would've told me, I could've called her. I could've told her that I was sorry and stupid for ever breaking up with her and that everything I said was a lie. I could've told her that I loved her and that I wanted, more than anything, to be with her and to marry her. I'm not blaming you, this is all of my fault; but you could've helped me save my relationship." He took the letter out of his pocket and put it back on his dad's bed and went to his room.


He woke up the next morning at 7:00. It took him a couple of minutes to wake up and he went and quickly ate a pop-tart and skimmed the newspaper. His father was nowhere to be seen and, frankly Ben didn't care. He was still angry with his father for not telling him about the letter. He didn't want to argue anymore, so he dropped it; for now.

After he finished eating, he went and put on his bathing suit and a t-shirt; he had almost forgotten they were going on the boat with his neighbors. After he finished, he went in the living room and looked out of the window; his dad was standing on the front porch and Ben sighed and went out there.

He went out on the front porch and stood with his father and told him good morning before his dad went inside to grab his keys. Ben looked next door and saw a young girl, mid-20's maybe, standing on their front porch. He figured it was probably Lilah, Chris and Madison's daughter. Ben couldn't really get a good look at her and he wondered what was taking his dad so long.

She looked lonely, from what he could tell, and he decided to walk over there He walked down the porch steps and through the low-cut bushes to their yard. She must have seen him coming, because she motioned towards him,

"I would be careful if I were you, those bushes have thorns in them." Ben nodded and walked up the porch steps where she was standing,

"Thank you, I'll keep that in mind next time I think about cutting through." She laughed and held out her hand,

"I'm Lilah." He smiled and shook her hand,

"I'm Ben, the next door neighbor."

"Do you always cut through my parent's bushes or do you go around like a normal person?"

"I'm sorry." She smiled and waved it off,

"It's okay, I never liked those bushes anyway." He smiled and nodded,

"So, are you going out on the boat today?"

"Yep, I'm in the need of a tan, I'm getting a little white."

"You're not white at all; you've got more of a tan than I do." She laughed,

"Whatever, you're way darker than me." He smiled and looked at her; she was pretty; no doubt about it. She had long brown hair and despite what she said, her skin was a deep brown. She had on a pair of jean shorts and a tank top with sunglasses on top of her head. She had her bathing suit on underneath her clothes and Ben realized he was staring. Thankfully, she didn't notice.

"So, why haven't I met you before? I've been over here tons of times and I've never seen you."

"I'm in the Air Force, so I'm away for nine months at a time." She raised her eyebrow,

"Wow, who would want to do that?"

He shrugged his shoulders and was immediately reminded of the first time Allison found out that he was in the Air Force. It was a completely different response than Lilah's; while Lilah had looked down on his job, Allison had thanked him for serving his country.

"I'm sorry; I shouldn't have said that about your job; you obviously love doing it."

"It's okay. It can get boring and old at times."


His dad then came out on their porch at the same time Chris and Madison did. They got all of their stuff together and they got on their way. Chris and Madison sat up front and Ben, Lilah and his father sat in the back. Lilah was between him and his father and they were pretty closer; closer than Ben would have liked. Chris and Madison talked mostly to his father, mostly about neighborhood things, and he and Lilah sat, feeling a little awkward.

They rode in silence until they reached the boat ramp. Chris backed he ruck up to the ramp and he got out, as well as Ben and his dad. They helped Chris unload the boat and got it into the water. Ben hopped into the boat and kept it from drifting away. Chris and his father went and got all of the stuff out of the truck and Madison and Lilah got out. Madison helped get some of the stuff out of the truck and Lilah came and joined him in the boat.

He helped her into it and she sat back of the boat on the little sofa. Chris, Madison and his father got into the boat and put everything down and Chris started the boat.

"Can I do anything, Chris? Do you need any help?"

"Nope, we're just going to head out and maybe do some tubing if you want to. Y'all just sit down and relax, there's a radio in the bag." Ben nodded and his dad and Madison sat down on the other sofa on the side of the boat and he sat down beside Lilah. She smiled,

"It's so beautiful today." He nodded and slipped his shirt and sandals off. He caught Lilah staring and she smiled. He smiled too and he grabbed his bag and took out his sunscreen and sat back down. She took off her shorts and her shirt and put her sunglasses on and sat back down beside him. He put sunscreen on his face and shoulders and he heard Lilah say,

"Wow, your back is blood red. How long have you been outside?"

"I've been at beach all week."

"You know here's such a thing as sunscreen, right?" He smiled,

"I know and I used a lot of it, but I was out in the water and I didn't have time to put some on."

"Yeah, and you paid for it, didn't you?" He smiled and nodded,

"Yeah, my face and back are really burnt."

"Well, you definitely need some sunscreen on your back. Do you want me to help you?"

He didn't want her to; plain and simple. Like he had told his father, he wasn't ready to start anything with another girl, no matter who it was. Every time he looked at Lilah, he saw Allison. He knew it was wrong and it wasn't fair to Lilah, but he couldn't help it. No matter how much he didn't want her to, his back was already burnt and he couldn't afford for it to get even more burnt.

"Sure, if you want to." She laughed,

"If I want to? I'm helping you out and keeping you from being in anymore pain."

"Fine, will you, please, put sunscreen on my back so I won't get burnt?"

"Sure, I'll help you out; here, turn around."

He, reluctantly, turned around on the seat and she squeezed some sunscreen into her hands. He felt her put her hands on his back and begin to spread the sunscreen all over. When she was done, he turned back around,

"Thank you." She smiled,

"You're welcome."

They rode out for about ten more minutes, over a bunch of waves before Chris asked if they wanted to start tubing. His dad and Madison said no but Ben said,

"Yeah, I'll do it." Lilah nodded,

"Me, too." Chris cut the engine and got the tube ready. He was placing it in the water when Ben felt Lilah grab his hand. He turned and looked down at her hand in his.

"Ben, I've never done this before, will you go with me?" He looked up at her and she looked almost scared,

"Lilah I-"

"Please, Ben? I know I'm going to fall off and I'm going to be scared as I don't know what when I wipe out and I'm left out there alone. I know the boat's going to come right back, but I'm scared of the ocean." He sighed; he really didn't want to give Lilah the wrong idea, but she genuinely looked scared.

"Okay, I'll go with you."

When the tube was ready, Ben went to the side of the bat and climbed on the tube. He lied down on his stomach and, when it stopped moving, Lilah came to the side of the boat and Ben held out his hand and helped her onto the tube. She slowly stepped over the side of the boat and onto the tube and lied down beside him. Chris went and started the engine and Ben looked at her,

"All right, there are two straps on each side; you put your hands on both sides and hold on tight. I'll put my arms on top of yours so you'll have a better chance of staying on. I'll put my hands on the other straps beside yours."

"Okay. If I fall off do you promise you'll let go?" As soon as she asked, it immediately made him think of Allison. He looked away from her, remembering all of the times Allison asked him if he promised.

"Ben?" He looked up at her, not realizing that he hadn't answered her question. He nodded,

"Yeah, I promise."

Ben gave Chris the thumbs up and he mashed the accelerator and they were off. He saw Lilah tighten her grip and they rode for a while, getting Lilah used to it before she gave her dad the thumbs up to go faster. She tightened her grip, if that was even possible, and Ben even had to tighten his own grip.

The boat generated a lot of waves and, at the speed they were going, the tube started jumping up in the air. He heard Lilah start to scream and he laughed and screamed along with her. Her screams slowly turned into laughs and they laughed and screamed for a few minutes before he heard her yell,

"Ben, I'm slipping!"

"Hold on, don't let go!" He put a thumbs down to go slower, but Chris didn't see him.

"I'm slipping, Ben!"

He looked at her hand and she only had three fingers holding on. He went to grab her hand, but they hit a huge wave and she let go. She flipped twice in the water and he heard her yell his name. He kept his promise to her and immediately let go. He flipped once in the water and felt himself being pushed underwater as the waves passed over him. He immediately swam to the surface and swam over to Lilah. She was flailing her arms and when he reached her, she threw her arms around his neck,

"You let go!" He pulled away to look at her, but she kept her arms around his neck. She finally loosened her grip and he said,

"I told you I would, didn't I?"


They stayed in the water for about forty-five more minutes. Ben and Lilah got on the tube a couple of more times and Lilah wiped out each time. Like he promised, he let go on each occasion. After the fifth time, Lilah decided she was done and Ben went by himself. With Lilah not with him, he was able to do more tricks and was able to go faster. He had been tubing many times before and he had learned a lot of tricks when he had gone with his friends back in high school.

After he was done tubing, they went back to shore and went and had the lunch that Madison had packed for them. Chris, Madison and his father ate at one of the picnic tables and Ben and Lilah ate at the shore, on the sand.

Ben had gotten his plate first and had sat down on the sand when Lilah came up and sat down beside him. He sighed; he liked Lilah, she was nice and sweet but he knew that he couldn't start a relationship with her, nor, quite frankly, did he want to. It wasn't Lilah, he just didn't want a relationship at all, no matter who it was. While he was thinking, Lilah said,

"So, I saw you when you were tubing; all of those tricks were pretty impressive."

"Thanks. I've been tubing since I was in high school. I used to go every weekend and I guess you could say I got pretty good at it." She smiled and laughed and they took a few bites of their food before she asked,

"With moves like those you probably have a girlfriend, right?" He got a sudden lump in his throat,

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, you're a really sweet guy who obviously keeps his promises. You have a great sense of humor, not to mention you're really hot."

"You think so?" She laughed,

"Umm, yeah. You've got to have a girlfriend." He smiled and shook his head,

"I don't, but thank you for the compliments. They really boosted my self-esteem." She laughed,

"How can you not have a girlfriend?"

He shrugged his shoulders and went to look at her, but her face was already in front of his. Before he knew it, she had kissed him and was proceeding to kiss him again. She kissed him once more and, while her lips were on his, he pushed her away,

"Lilah, I can't."

"Why not? You don't have a girlfriend and I don't have a boyfriend." He sighed and stood up,

"Well just because I don't have a girlfriend doesn't mean I'm not in love with someone else."

She raised her eyebrow and he bent down and picked up his plate and went to throw it away. He walked to the trashcan and she followed him,

"You're in love?"

"Lilah-"

"Just answer the question." He sighed and nodded,

"Yeah, I'm in love." She smiled but he heard the sadness in her voice as she asked

"What's her name?" He looked away,

"Allison."

"Do you want to tell me the story?" He looked at her and she shrugged her shoulders,

"Well you said you don't have a girlfriend, but yet you're in love. Something must have happened." He nodded,

"Yeah, something definitely happened."

"Why don't you tell me? We can go sit at the shore and I can try and help you out."


They went and sat down at the shore and he began the story, starting the day he first talked to Allison at Ruby Tuesdays up until the day he hung up on her, three years later.

"You hung up on her?"

"I had to."

"Why?" He shrugged his shoulders,

"I wanted her to be mad at me. I wanted her to be mad at me because I knew that I deserved it. I guess if she was mad at me, I felt like I had gotten what I deserved." Lilah put her hand on his knee,

"You don't deserve anything like that You love her so much that you were willing to end your relationship and what made you happy so she wouldn't be depressed anymore. In my opinion, that's the sweetest thing someone could do; when you're willing to give up what you want and your entire relationship for her hand her happiness."

"But I hurt her; you didn't hear the pain and sadness in her voice."

"Do you regret your decision?" He shrugged his shoulders,

"I don't know. Yesterday my dad showed me a letter Allison wrote to him a month after we broke up. I wanted her to think that she didn't do anything wrong. That's why I hung up on her; I wanted her to be mad at me so she wouldn't think that she did anything wrong or that it was her fault." He sighed,

"But in the letter, she said how hurt she was that I hung up on her; that she thought I couldn't tell her what she did wrong. She said she still loved me, after everything that happened. She said that I told her that she deserved someone who could make her happy and could give her what she wanted, which I did tell her that, but she said that I was the one who did all of that; I was the one who made her happy.

When I told her that she deserved more than what I could give her, she cried. She feels like she never told me enough and that I went our whole relationship not knowing how much I meant to her. I knew, Lilah, I don't know why she's blaming herself. She ended the letter saying that she didn't blame me for breaking up with her and that she was a horrible girlfriend. She said it's me who deserves more than her." He sighed,

"So, I ended up doing exactly what I didn't want to do; I made her question herself and she thinks she's the one who did something wrong. On one end, I am glad that I ended it, if only knowing that she found someone that can be with her and not make her depressed and be there for her. But, on the other end, I'm crushed because she thinks everything was her fault." She sighed,

"I don't know, Ben. All I can say is that has to be one of the sweetest things I've ever heard and you don't need to be mad at yourself. You didn't break up with her because you don't love her anymore, you broke up with her because you love her enough to let her go, sacrificing your feelings and what you want for her happiness. I envy you, Ben." He smiled,

"Thank you, whether you believe it or not, that really helped me." She smled,

"You're welcome, I'm glad."

They sat together on the shore for a few more minutes until they heard her father call out,

"Hey, you two, are you ready to go?" They turned around to see them and Ben nodded,

"Yeah, we're ready when y'all are!"


Hmmm, see? This story is still interesting! I think. Haha but what do y'all think of Lilah? I thought she was kinda pushy...I mean she just met Ben that morning and she was already kissing him... I don't know, I guess i'm more of an Allison person than a Lilah person. But that's just me. Haha, hope you liked it! Please review!