CHAPTER 2 - Tears prelude


Vadim Kiselev "Rain Prelude"


August 1784

- Leave it, Grandma. I'll help you wash up - said Andre, taking the big pot from the old lady's hands and putting it in the sink filled with water.

- Thank you, my boy - Marie replied, sitting down heavily at the kitchen table. She rubbed her ragged hands hard against each other, trying to ease the pain in her fingers. There were days like today when working was a real pain for her. She was already old enough. Fortunately, the grandson was always ready to help her. He was such a nice boy. She looked at his hunched back - Andre?

- Uhm - he let her know that he heard, busy washing up

- Don't you think there's something wrong with Oscar lately?

Andre flinched, but quickly recovered.

- No, I don't think so. Are you talking about something specific, Grandma?

- I am not surprised that you didn't notice it - pouted the old lady - You haven't talked to each other lately. Did you argue?

- No, nothing like that, Grandma - lied Andre.

Grandma was completely wrong. After all, they were talking. "Yes, Oscar." "No, Oscar", "As you wish". And the longer "Should I bring the horses, Oscar?" And "Are we going to Versailles tomorrow, Oscar?". Guess that can count as a conversation, right?

Andre sighed. Nothing had been the same since that night in the end of June.

Marie watched the silent grandson for a moment, then resumed the interrupted topic.

- Maybe Oscar is sick? - she wondered aloud - She's been so pale lately and has hardly eaten anything. I fetch full plates from her dining room as if she hasn't even tasted anything. Perhaps Lasonne should examine her?

- She's fine, Grandma. I can see that he has dinner at Versailles every day. Maybe she's just not hungry in the morning. Besides, she's been working so much lately. She should rest.

- You're probably right - Marie propped her head with her hands - Take care of her, Andre, okay?

- Of course, Grandma, I'm not doing anything else - he replied with a forced smile, and immediately turned back to the sink, lest Grandma would see the sadness in his eyes.

Oscar was lying. That night changed everything between them. They were no longer friends, and any closeness between them was completely gone. They were like two complete strangers now. Oscar was always rather strict, reticent, very sedate. But now she was also cold as an iceberg. As if her heart, instead of melting that night, had frozen into a chunk of ice. Andre was tormented many times by the question of why she had done it. When he held her in his arms then and felt her tremble, he thought that the heaven had finally opened to him. That Oscar had unexpectedly returned his feelings. But it wasn't like that. The next day and every other, Oscar's behavior reassured him that he mistook heaven for hell. And he would have given anything to have had that night in June never happen. That he could remain with her as a good friend until the end of his days. This moment of passion was not worth ending in this hell. But it was too late and it was impossible to undo what they had done then.

- Damn, Andre! I asked you to take more care of her! - Marie shouted at him, and he stood still, staring at her in consternation.

- But Grandma, what are you talking about? - he got angry - I don't even know what happened to her! She had been acting normally all day. It wasn't until we were going home that she just stopped, got off her horse and started throwing up. She was shouting at me not to come over! Then she passed out. I didn't wait a moment, just brought her home. How else could I help her?

- Yes, I know, sorry, sweetheart - the old lady took his hand and squeezed it gently - I'm just so worried about her. I told you a long time ago that something was wrong and you refused to believe me!

- You were right, Grandma, as always - he nodded.

- Why is this Lasonne sitting there so long? - Marie began to wonder - I hope Oscar is not seriously ill..

...

- I am sorry the examintation took so long and was rather unpleasant - Lasonne smiled, slightly embarrassed - but I didn't want to miss anything.

- Don't worry, Doctor - Oscar said reassuringly - Well, what's wrong with me?

- A few more questions, if possible - he replied, and she nodded - Have you eaten anything new, Mademoiselle? Some fish? Something that seemed stale? Today or in the past few days?

Oscar replied negatively to each of the questions.

- Hmm - Lasonne muttered - Is the vomiting repeated or is it just today?

- I have been throwing up for some time, Doctor - Oscar replied dispassionately - Mainly in the morning.

- I understand - the doctor looked at her carefully for a moment, then looked away – Is your monthly bleeding coming normally?

Oscar blushed because the question was embarrassing for her.

- I haven't had them in a while - she replied, her voice a little less confident

- In a while? How long exactly? - Lasonne asked, looking at her again - When was the last time you had it?

Oscar thought a long time before answering.

- I don't remember exactly, but probably in June.. Yes, in June.

The doctor counted in his head.

- But more at the beginning or at the end of the month?

- What does it matter, Doctor? - Oscar got angry because the questions seemed absurd to her. But she saw that the other was looking at her seriously and sighed - Something in the middle of June I think.

June of this year was the time she would most likely completely erase from her memory. She didn't want to go back to it.

Lasonne thought for a few minutes, pushed his glasses up on his nose, viewed his notes, then looked at her very seriously again.

- As your doctor, I have a duty to tell you the truth, whatever it may be - he began a little hesitantly. He saw her nod and continued - Mademoiselle Oscar, I have examined you closely and I'm pretty sure you are expecting a baby. If you remember the bleeding date correctly, the pregnancy will be about ten weeks.

Oscar's hand stopped on its way to the next button on her blouse. She looked at the doctor with eyes wide in surprise.

- What are you talking about, Doctor? - she asked with a lump in her throat

- Mademoiselle, you know that you can always trust me - said the man with concern in his voice - If.. if someone hurt you, maybe you should tell somebody about it.

- Do you really think someone would be bold enough? - Oscar laughed, trying to contain the panic that was overwhelming her. How the hell was that possible?

- I am sorry - the doctor replied, and smiled nervously. At such moments, he rather congratulated future mother. However, congratulations in this situation seemed very inappropriate. Oscar de Jarjayes was not married. She was also the commander of the Royal Guard and a soldier. And her father made her his heir. What would happen to her now? - If then you know who the child's father is.. - he began hesitantly, but she cut him off.

- Of course I know - she hissed angrily - Do you think I'm an idiot?

Lasonne sighed. Talking to Oscar had never been easy and the current situation was one of the most delicate. The only thing that could be worse was telling her she was terminally ill. Although in her case the pregnancy.. No, Lasonne didn't even want to think about it.

- Please forgive me, Mademoiselle - he apologized once again during this conversation - My only point is that you and the child's father should now decide what to do next. There are different ways out of this difficult situation. I think the best option would be to get married quickly before the pregnancy starts to show.

- Hahaha - Oscar suddenly laughed, her laugh being bitter and ironic. In a moment she grew serious - This is not an option, Doctor.

- In that case, you can decide on the abortion procedure - the doctor suggested cautiously, realizing in a second that Oscar's situation was more serious than he first thought - I have a friend, a very good specialist who often conducts such procedures.

- A procedure? - Oscar asked - Is it possible to get rid of this pregnancy?

- Yes - the doctor confirmed.

- Is this procedure safe?

- Conducted by a qualified physician it is safe - Lasonne replied confidently - Of course there are complications sometimes, but not more often than after the birth itself.

- Thank you, Doctor - Oscar nodded - Anything else I should know?

- If you decide for the procedure, it would be good to do it as soon as possible. The pregnancy is already advanced anyway, but the later the more difficult. However, if your decision is different, you should start taking care of yourself. Leave work until the baby is born. Start to eat properly. I'll leave you some herbs to help with the nausea and vomiting. And one more thing.. - he added hesitantly - Unfortunately, I must tell your father about the situation. You know it yourself that I cannot do otherwise.

- Can I ask you for something? - Oscar looked him in the eye intensely - Before you tell my father, I want to think it over. I'm just asking for a couple of days. Tell him what you want today, but not the truth yet.

- Okay - replied the doctor - I'll be back in a few days, check how you are and then I would like to know your decision.

Oscar just nodded. After the doctor left, she was sitting still for a long time, staring at one point on the wall behind the bed. The truth about her health turned out to be more cruel than she had suspected. She touched her belly in disgust. One thing she knew for sure, she did not want this child. That night at the end of June should be the end of her life as a woman. A definite break with her true nature. She put on the dress to make her feel admired by Fersen for a moment. She made love to Andre so that she would never regret not experiencing it. Who would have thought it would end like this?

- You called me, Oscar? - Andre asked, walking uncertainly into her living room. He was rarely there now, but once this room was a place he visited almost every day. He and Oscar often sat until very late in the night, reading or chatting over a glass of wine or cognac. Those were such nice memories.

Oscar was standing by the window with her back to him. From the posture of her body, he immediately understood that she was either angry or downcast. She didn't move for a moment, but then turned away, giving him an icy look. Suddenly, in just one moment, she was beside him and slapped him in the face so hard that he lost his balance. Andre put his fingers to his aching cheek and stared at her in disbelief. She was standing over him, panting with anger and clenching her hands into fists, and he lay on the wooden floor, not even daring to get up.

- I should probably ask why you hit me, Oscar - he said finally, in a very calm voice - I don't know what I was at fault again, but you can just tell me about it.

Oscar seemed a little sobering up. She looked at her own hand in surprise, then without a word she sat down on the couch, rested her elbows on the table, and grabbed her head.

- I'm pregnant - she admitted without preamble.

- What? - Andre shouted, so suddenly that she jumped.

- Don't scare me, Andre! - she scolded him - It's exactly like I said a moment ago. I'm pregnant and this is your fault.

Andre got up from the floor and stared at her in disbelief. For a moment he thought she was joking. Oscar, although usually rather serious, sometimes liked to tease him with some small remarks. But Andre always knew it was just a joke and he never got angry. She was just like that. But this time it was different. Oscar was sitting still, her head propped on her arms, and Andre dismissed the thought of joking in an instant. She had to be serious.

- Holy shit - he blurted out as the truth finally hit him.

- A very good summary - Oscar said sourly, waking from lethargy. She leaned her back against the couch and stared at him again, her eyes icy cold - I wanted you to know about all of this, even though I already made up my mind. Lasonne offered me abortion procedure and I'm going to agree.

- Oscar.. - Andre whispered painfully - Please don't do that..

When he heard about the pregnancy, he was terrified at first. At once a thousand thoughts flashed through his mind. What were they supposed to do now? Would they have to leave the manor? If so, where to go? How did they manage if they couldn't even get married? Only one thing didn't occur to him. That Oscar would want to get rid of this child without hesitation.

- Why wouldn't I do that? - Oscar hissed ironically, and the room temperature seemed to drop to freezing

Andre looked at her as if he really had a stranger in front of him.

- This baby is not to blame for anything, Oscar - he said in a trembling voice, trying to sound calm - Let him be born..

- Nonsense - she pouted - You must know what my situation is. Having a baby is not an option.

- Oscar, I understand that the situation is difficult, but..

- Have you ever wondered why I did it with you then? - she interrupted him.

- Every day - he replied without hesitation, trying to return her gaze, although it was not easy, because the subject was very painful for him.

- I will satisfy your curiosity then - she said with mock joy - I did it because this one time I wanted to feel completely woman. And then end it once and for all. You understand well yourself that I cannot have a baby now.

- It doesn't matter, Oscar, your motives don't matter now - Andre replied, though the pain in his heart was spreading rapidly and he felt himself suffocating. But he didn't care. He had to do everything he could to save this little creature - Now it's just about the baby. Please think it over again. You give birth to him, and then you can immediately return to your original plans. You will give birth and I will take care of everything. You won't have to do anything, give him to me and I will raise him myself. Just give us a chance, Oscar - he begged her, almost with tears in her eyes.

Oscar seemed unresponsive to his pleading tone, and his request clearly upset her.

- It's my body, Andre and I will decide what to do with it* - she hit the table with her fist - I decided to lead a man's life, and pregnancy and the child do not fit into this scheme.

Andre looked at her for a long time without saying a word. The woman he loved so much had just put together a "child" and a "scheme" in one sentence. He wondered if he had ever actually known her. Has she always been so heartless, or was it that June night that changed her beyond recognition?

- Are you sure it's all about fitting in the scheme, Oscar? - he asked her in a calm tone, although he could feel the anger starting to bubble inside him - Or is it that the baby is mine?

- Nonsense - Oscar concluded, not meeting his eyes.

- Really? - Andre's voice began to tremble nervously - Would you have made the same decision if Fersen had been the father of this child? - he added very slowly, emphasizing each word.

She looked up quickly and stared at him in disbelief. They looked at each other for a moment without saying a word. Then she shook her head and looked away.

- I thought so - said Andre. The pill was bitter than he had expected. He turned and was about to leave. He had tried to talk to her calmly so far, but now he felt that he was losing his temper and it would be better if he left immediately. They might end this conversation another time.

- Okay - Oscar said suddenly.

He paused, hand on the doorknob.

- What? I do not understand.

- I will give birth to this child - she replied confidently in her voice - But that's all, Andre. Don't expect anything more from me.

Andre nodded.

- Thank you, Oscar - he replied with evident relief.

He opened the door and left without looking back.


* Be reassured that I am deeply for the right to choose for every woman. So, even if the meaning of this chapter does not confirm it, I am not against abortion in any way!

If you are interested in world news, I am sure you know what the situation in Poland is right now. We are fighting for our women's rights, human rights and citizen's rights, against a regime that wants to introduce us to a Ultracatholic dictatorship. Please, support us!