Hey, hey, hey new chapter! There's only one more chapter after this one before the epilogue. Whaa? It's definatley bittersweet. We'll finally get to see how it ends, but then it'll be over :( But, for now, we're still going strong! Hope you enjoy!

A huge thanks to McaGirl13 for your amazing reviews. Haha I didn't even think about putting her into a mental institution, but that cracked me up. That would be a huge, huge shock. Even I would be shocked. Haha thanks so much for your reviews :)


Chapter 51

She ended up crying until Rachel got back to her apartment, fifteen minutes later. She knocked on the door and Allison yelled that it was open. Her head was in her hands and tears were streaming down her face as Rachel came in.

"Hey, sorry it took me forever, this guy in front of me was being a jerk to the lady behind the desk and they had to get management and security- it was horrible." She was saying as she came in. She walked into the living room and only then did she see was crying,

"Hey, hey, what happened? Why are you crying?" She came over and sat down beside her and put her arm around her. She continued to cry and then, finally, said,

"Ben's father just left."

"Oh my, what did he want? Did he hear anything about Ben?" She shook her head,

"No, he brought me a letter."

"From who?" She looked down and picked it up off of the table and handed it to her,

"Ben accidently put it in an envelope addressed to his father. He got it a couple of days after Ben went missing in action and he didn't want to give it to me because he didn't want to upset me any more than I already was. It's a short letter but just knowing he wrote it right before he went mission just gets to me. Go ahead and read it." Her sister opened it up and read it quickly before sighing and putting it back on the table. Allison looked down and said,

"He had everything planned out and he was so set on coming home and being with me. I distracted him from his job; he couldn't focus on what he needed to do. Rachel, I'm the reason he's mission in action." Rachel raised her eyebrows and put both of her hands on Allison's face,

"Don't you dare believe that! What are you talking about? You had nothing to do with Ben going missing. A tragic thing has happened to him, for whatever reason that may be, and you couldn't have done one thing to stop it. If anything, you would be the reason he's fighting so hard to stay alive." Allison nodded as more tears fell down her cheeks,

"It's just, I didn't feel anything. Aren't you supposed to feel something when something happens to the person you love? I didn't feel a thing, Rachel."

"Allison, Ben loved you more than anything in the world; more than life itself is what he told me. And I know for a fact that you loved him with all of your heart. You two were crazy in love- a blind man could see that. Just because you didn't feel anything doesn't mean that you weren't in love or that it was your fault." Allison nodded again and Rachel held her as tears continued to fall down her cheeks.

While they were hugging, Allison's phone rang. Rachel said she would answer it for her and got up and went in the kitchen to get it. She almost immediately came back into the living room.

"Hey, it's the director of music from the church; do you want to talk to him or do you want me to take a message?" She shook her head and wiped her cheeks,

"No, I'll talk to him, give it here." She handed her the phone and Allison answered,

"Hello?"

"Hey Allison, its Chris from the church."

"Hey Chris, how are you?"

"I'm good. I'm sorry to disturb you but I have to ask a huge favor from you."

"What is it?"

"Well you know we scheduled Amy to lead the worship this week. She said something came up and won't be able to make it to the 4:00 service. I was wondering if you would be able to cover for her." She raised her eyebrow,

"Chris that's tomorrow, I haven't even practiced."

"I know its short notice but you're the only one who can do it. They're both songs you've sung before and you've sung them a million times. I'll even run the C.D. by your house. Please? We need you." She sighed and looked down,

"Okay, I'll do it."

"Yes! Thank so much, Allison."

"You're welcome; you know how much I love the church, Chris."

"I know. Well, I'll be by there to drop off the C.D. in about an hour if that's okay."

"Yep, that's fine, I'll see you then."

"Okay, bye."

"Bye."

She hung up the phone and Rachel immediately asked what he wanted. She told her what their conversation was about and that he was coming in an hour to drop off the C.D. with the songs on it. Rachel sighed,

"Well there goes our afternoon."

"Hey, that's not true. I have so many movies we can watch until he gets here; then we can go hang out and have fun." She thought about it for a second and then nodded,

"Alright, what movie?"


They ended up choosing A Walk to Remember. It was one of Allison's favorite movies, as well as one of Rachel's. Chris didn't end up coming until three hours later. By the time Allison heard a knock on the door, it was already 4:00. She and Rachel were both mad that he had taken so long and, as soon as Allison opened the door, he started apologizing.

"I'm so sorry I'm late. There were things at the church that needed to be tended to and, on the way here, there was a huge wreck and I've been stuck in traffic for the last hour." She shook her head,

"Oh it's fine; I was just watching some movies with my sister. Do you want to come in?"

"Oh no, that's okay; I don't want to keep you. I'll just give you the C.D. so you can continue spending time with your sister."

"Are you sure?" He nodded, taking the C.D. out of his bag.

"Of course. So, here you go; you'll be singing two songs; two you know very well. We're not going to have another practice but I know you'll do great." She nodded and took the C.D.,

"Alright, thanks Chris."

"No problem, I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay, bye Chris."

"Bye Allison."

He walked back down the steps and out to the parking lot. She closed the door and headed back into the living room where they were now watching Baby Mama.

"Finally! We've been waiting for three hours!" Rachel exclaimed. Allison sat down on the couch,

"I know, but he said there were things at church that needed to be attended to and that there was a traffic accident on the way here. Its fine, this is fun anyway." Rachel nodded,

"I agree. So, what songs are you singing?"

"I don't know, let's find out." She turned the C.D. over and the second song that she was supposed to sing made her heart ache. She shook her head,

"I can't do this."

"What? Why not?"

"Look at the fourth song." She said, passing her the C.D. She looked down at it,

"What? Lead Me to the Cross? You sing that one beautifully!"

"That's also the only song that reminds me of Ben." Rachel sighed,

"Allison, really?"

"Yes, really. Do you even know why it reminds me of him?"

"No, why?"

"That's the song I auditioned at the church for so long ago. It was the audition Ben wouldn't let me leave after they had told everyone they weren't accepting any more people. He got up on the stage and begged them to hear me sing. He wouldn't let them say no because he knew how much it meant to me. They finally said yes and that's the song I sung. It was one of the sweetest things someone's ever done for me and I can't hear or sing that song without thinking of him and what he did for me. If I sing this song at church I'm going to think of him and break down in front of the whole congregation. I can't do it, I'm going to have to call Chris and tell him." Rachel shook her head,

"Oh, no you're not. Allison, you need to stop grieving. This used to be your favorite song to sing and it's stupid to let someone ruin that, even if that person is Ben. You know he wouldn't want you to let the church down just because you don't want to think about him. If you wanted to, you could relate everything back to him. For example, the grass; you and Ben lied in the grass and watched the clouds. A hairdryer; you used a hairdryer to get ready with before you went and saw him. See? You can relate anything back to him if you wanted to. But he would be so upset if he found out he was the reason you wouldn't sing at the church." Allison looked down and then smiled and looked back up at her,

"You're pretty awesome, you know?" She smiled and shrugged her shoulders,

"I know, so are you going to sing?" She nodded,

"Yeah, I'll sing. It's something I love to do, right?"


They spent the rest of the day watching movies. They finally fell asleep around midnight. Allison woke up at around 9:30 and ended up lying on the couch for about thirty minutes until she finally got up. Rachel was sound asleep beside her and Allison shook her, trying to wake her up,

"Rachel, get up, it's already 10:00; you have to leave in an hour." Rachel rolled over and Allison shook her even harder,

"Rachel, get up!" She finally opened her eyes,

"What do you want?"

"Hey, I'm trying to help you out. You have to leave in an hour, right?"

"No, I leave at 11."

"That's in an hour, Rachel." She immediately sat up,

"What?"

"Yeah, it's 10:00; that's what I was trying to tell you."

Rachel immediately got up and took a shower and got ready while Allison watched T.V. About forty-five minutes later, Rachel walked into the living room with her bag in her hand. Allison stood up and Rachel looked at her,

"You're still in your pajamas?"

"Yeah, why? I'm not going anywhere until 3:00." She nodded and then said,

"Alright, well, I better head on."

"Okay." They both smiled and hugged each other.

"So, are you going to be okay today? At the church, I mean?" They pulled apart as Allison nodded,

"Yeah, I'll be okay. It's going to be hard, especially since I haven't practiced but I think I'll be okay."

"Yeah you'll be fine, just try not to think about him; practice in your room before you go. I wish I could be there for you."

"It's okay, I understand. And I will, I definitely have to practice before I get up there and sing in front of all of those people. But go ahead and go, I don't want you to have to rush."

"Alright, I'll call you when I get home."

"Okay, I love you."

"Love you, too." They hugged one more time before she picked her bag back up and walked out to the parking lot. Allison closed the door and started getting ready for the day.

She took a shower and got ready. It was surprisingly cool outside; it was mid- October, but it was unusual for the high to be in the mid- fifties. She finished getting ready and put on a pair of jeans and a brown sweater. She put on a pair of matching boots and decided to go to the grocery store. She made a list, like she always did, and put on a black pea coat and walked out the door.


She spent about an hour and a half and, by the time she got home and put everything up, it was already 2:00. It took about fifteen minutes to get to the church and she wanted to get there around 3:00 so she could have time to practice and get ready. When she finished putting up the groceries, she went back to her room and put the C.D. in her stereo. She listened to the other three songs and practiced the other song she would be singing- This is our God. Chris was right- she sang these songs a lot and This is our God was one of her favorites to sing. She sung it all the way through a couple of times and sung it perfectly.

She knew she was avoiding listening to Lead Me to the Cross; she hadn't listened to it since the day Ben was reported missing in action. It was the only song that really reminded her of him and the song that instantly brought his face to her mind.

Finally, when she could put it off no longer, she turned it to the song. The outcome was nothing more than she expected. She managed to hold the tears back until the chorus. She tried to hold them back because she knew she would have to hold them back when she sung at the church.

Then, suddenly, she heard his voice. Though it was coming from inside her head, there was no doubt that it was Ben's.

"Baby, don't think about the bad, think about the good. You'll be fine, I believe in you."

When she heard the voice, she smiled and felt an overwhelming sense of peace. She started the song over and, even though she didn't sing, she was able to listen to it the whole way through without crying. Her eyes got tears in them but she didn't cry as she thought about the time she spent with Ben and the thousands of memories they made together. She didn't think about the fact that he was missing in action and she didn't recall the times they had to say good-bye.

She waited a couple of more minutes before she started the song over again, this time planning to sing. Being able to listen to it turned out to be the easiest part of the process. She ended up crying at the chorus and, even though she filled her thoughts with all of the good memories, there was a voice in the back of her head telling her that he was still missing in action.

She took a deep breath and fixed her hair and got ready to go. Before she left, she made sure everything was off and grabbed the C.D. out of her stereo. While she drove to the church, she listened to Lead Me to the Cross and tried her best to sing it the whole way through. It took about fifteen minutes to get to the church and she was able to listen to it three times. She listened the first two times and, finally, sung it the third time.

When she got there, it was 3:30 and she had thirty minutes to get ready and prepare. She sat by herself and practiced and, finally at 4:00, it was time. Before they went out, Chris came up to her and thanked her again for filling in at such short notice. When she was finished talking to him, they walked out onto the familiar stage.

As they progressed through each song, she became more and more nervous. There were more people on the ground floor as well as the balcony. The lights came on and Jim, the other lead singer, was amazing as usual. When he was finished singing his two songs, he instructed the congregation to turn and greet someone sitting nearby. Allison stepped up to her microphone and got ready to sing 'This is our God.'

She wasn't nervous at all and she sung it with as much passion and love as she always did. It was only when that song ended and the band started to play Lead Me to the Cross did she get nervous. She said a quick prayer and asked God to please be with her as she sung. When it was time for her to start singing, she stepped up to her microphone.


God was with her; that was the only explanation as to how she held it together during the song. There was no doubt that it was hard and she even teared up in the chorus and at the end of the song. The thing that kept her focused was God and the fact that she was singing to him. Only at the very end did she get really emotional and she had to ask Jim to say the prayer after the song.

She was elated that she had kept it together during the song and she was so proud and excited. It was much harder having to sing it up on the stage rather than in her room or in her car. She had the entire congregation looking at her and she wanted to overcome this obstacle as best she could.

After Jim gave the benediction, they walked off stage. It had gotten really emotional at the very end and she had to go sit down and regain herself. Tears were falling down her cheeks as she sat down. She wiped them and Amanda, the pianist, brought her some tissues and insisted Allison tell her what was wrong. She wiped her eyes,

"It's nothing, it's a personal issue. Thanks so much for bringing me the tissues."

"You're welcome, sweetie." Allison gave an embarrassed laugh,

"I bet my mascara is running everywhere, right?" Amanda smiled and shook her head,

"No, you look great, honey." Allison smiled,

"Thank you. Well, I think I'm going to head home if that's okay."

"Of course, I'm right behind you. I stayed at the 11:00 service and listened to him preach. My brother is coming in from Greensboro so I have to get home. Do you want to walk out together?"

"Sure, let's go."

They walked to the door that led out to the lobby and they were almost to it when Chris called Amanda's name. They both turned around and he asked,

"Hey, can you stay for a minute? I need to talk to you about next week's music."

"Sure, but I can't stay long."

"Okay, that's fine; it'll only be a minute."

"All right." She turned to face Allison,

"Go ahead, don't wait for me. I'll see you next week! And I hope you feel better." Allison smiled,

"Thank you, I'll see you next week."

"Alright, bye."

"Bye."

She turned and walked out the door and into the lobby. She walked across the lobby and went out the door she came in and her car was all the way across the parking lot. As she dug through her purse to find her keys, they fell out and landed on the ground. She bent down to pick them up and, when she stood back up, she saw something across the parking lot that made her stop in her tracks.

As she realized what and who that someone was, her heart skipped multiple beats and her stomach fell to her knees. She then felt paralyzed as that someone started walking towards her.


Holy crack, could that be Ben? Is he still alive? How did he survive if that is him? Oh my, I hate cliffhangers, but I think this was a good place to end.

FYI, the next chapter is going to be short. Like really short. But I think you'll like it. And then after that comes the epilogue! So excited! Hope you guys enjoyed it! Please review!