CHAPTER 13 - House of laughter and tears
Vadim Kiselev - It's Raining Again, Childhood Dreams
A scratch of a feather pen. The words appeared on the paper in Andre's neat handwriting. Short break. The tip of the pen slowly dipping in the inkwell. Another few words. After a dozen minutes, the entire page was written in small letters, a sentence under the sentence, so as not to waste paper. Andre leaned back in his chair, clasped his hands behind the back of his neck, and stared at the gray outside the window for a long time. Then he suddenly looked away from the window and wrote a few more sentences.
Oscar sat leaning against the wall on a bench at the table, watching his every move. The way he held the pen in his fingers. Hand movement while writing. Everything was so familiar, yet so fascinatingly new. Why had I never noticed how easily he poured his thoughts onto paper?
But Oscar saw something else now. She could clearly see how the skin on his fingers had thickened from the hard work. Previously, there was only a distinct mark on his right hand from holding a sword. Now the mark vanished among the furrows and corns as if it had never been there.
The mark disappeared just like their life together, which was long over..
Andre finished his work with a familiar, elegant gesture, then rolled up the paper and placed it in an envelope. With a satisfied sigh, he stretched, then got up and walked over to the table where both women were sitting. The movement was so fast that Oscar managed to look away at the last moment. She didn't want Andre to know she was watching him stealthily.
- I can take him if you want - he said to Oscar, pointing to the boy lying on her lap.
Lusien was very bored with the rain falling all day, so Oscar offered to read to him. The child brought his favorite fairy tale book and made himself comfortable with his head resting on her lap. By the third story, the boy was sleeping soundly, cuddled in the fabric of her dress.
- No need - Oscar replied, looking at Andre with surprise - I feel better today, and he is not that heavy yet. Let him get a little sleep.
Andre nodded and turned to look at his grandmother, who was sitting at the far end of the table by the window, mending clothes.
- I will go check if the roof over the stable is not leaking again - he said to her in a serious tone - I don't want to repeat the situation from last summer, when we had knee-deep water there.
- It's a good idea - admitted Marie - I hope it stops raining soon, otherwise everyone's harvest will be in serious danger.
Andre nodded again, then put on his coat and left. Behind the porch, the world disappeared under a curtain of rain.
Oscar sat dumbfounded for a moment. Andre had not yet spoken such a kind word to her since she arrived. Certainly not so directly. In fact, he hardly spoke to her, as if she wasn't there at all. Oscar thought she would just get used to it. She accepted it even though she was not used to being ignored. However, at that moment she thought that maybe not all was lost. When she looked at the nanny's face, she read the same surprise and hope on it.
- You see? - the old lady smiled with relief - I told you that he would not be angry forever. It's been three weeks now, it's about time..
Oscar wasn't sure she wanted to talk about it. She still didn't understand herself and her own feelings. She didn't know what she really wanted from herself, from Andre, from life. So she decided that this was not the time to start discussing it. Her emotions were too shaky and she could break under the tender touch of the nanny's fingers. And it wasn't a good idea at all..
She thought for a moment about what Andre had just said. Leaking roof. She looked up at the ceiling above her own head. The beams supporting the ceiling were freshly whitewashed, but it was clear that the house was past its heyday. Oscar realized only now that she was so preoccupied with her own anguish that she hadn't actually asked about anything about this place. Nor their lives here. She did not want to make the same mistake that was her past sin. The error of ignorance and disinterest.
- This house, Nanny - she said to the old woman - What is this house? Who does it belong to?
- It belongs to me - Marie replied a little hesitantly, and Oscar had the impression that the subject was delicate to her. - This is my family home. This is where I come from..
- Oh! - Oscar blurted out. - So it's exactly what I thought then!
The old lady looked at her with eyebrows raised high in surprise.
- When.. When you disappeared.. - Oscar explained in a voice full of emotions - I looked for you everywhere.. I found Andre's birth certificate, and then the house where his grandparents and parents lived. The house where Andre was born.
- Really? - Marie was surprised once again during this conversation. She had not expected such determination from the woman she remembered before leaving the de Jarjayes Manor.
- Yes! Yes! - Oscar replied feverishly - It's true! I was able to talk to your old friend there, Nanny. Madame Meyer!
- Oh, it's nice to hear that old Eleanor is still alive - laughed Marie. - I suppose you haven't been able to learn anything useful from her after all.
- Yes, you're right - Oscar agreed.
- It does not surprise me at all - Marie grew serious - Oscar.. My life before coming to Paris.. I wanted to leave it behind and not come back to it. Too many bad memories..
- But you did come back here?
- Yes. I had no other choice, right? We had nowhere to go - Marie replied, and Oscar felt her blushing with nerves - Besides.. Lilianne has been dead for several years now.
- Lilianne?
- Yes - said Marie - Lilianne was my sister.
…
This house was built by my father. The land belonged to his family, but the house they lived in was falling apart, so my father decided to build something new. Then he married my mother, and a year after their marriage, Lilianne was born. My mother was in poor health. After her first childbirth, she became very ill and actually had one foot in the grave. My father loved her like a madman and was losing his mind then. At least that's what I heard. However, somehow my mother was rescued. Eight years later I was born. Unfortunately, this second birth completely destroyed my mother's health. She died when I was two weeks old. So I don't remember even a little of her. Lilianne was only less than nine at the time, and suddenly she had to grow up and take care of the house and our father, who couldn't recover from my mother's death.
There was also me, an infant who needed constant care. My sister cared for me no worse than my mother would do. I never missed anything.
I did not think for a long time how this whole situation actually affected Lilianne. My birth took not only her mother, but also her carefree childhood..
Our father was a farmer. As long as he was able, he worked with all his might. But my mother's death left its mark on him, and he was never the same again. He died when I was seven. Then both my sister and I had to grow up quickly. Lilianne found a job at a manor near Saint-Savin. She was a maid there. I had to replace her here and take care of the house. I cooked, washed clothes and took care of the animals. From my sister, I learned everything I can now. When I turned thirteen, I joined her at manor. During the week, we both lived and worked there. We returned home for one or two days. We sold the animals because we were unable to look after them. The garden was overgrown then. It was a difficult time, but at least we had enough to live on.
In the manor where we worked, I met Fabrice, who became my husband a few years later. Fabrice was an orphan, and so were we. He was found in an abandoned house next to his parents' bodies and taken into the manor. When he grew older, he was trained as a blacksmith, and so he continued to work until the end of his days.
The three of us had survived the loss of our parents and this drew us together. We have become practically inseparable. Fabrice was an incredibly nice boy, always sincere and honest. He was also amazingly beautiful. Andre.. Andre resembles him very much.. After some time we both realized, Fabrice and I, that what we felt for each other stopped being a brotherly feeling and turned into something deeper and stronger. We decided to get married. I was sixteen then and Fabrice twenty-two.
When I told Lilianne about our plans, she went berserk. She screamed that I was too young and that she disagreed. Then she cried all night long. I sat outside her door and heard every sob. I didn't understand anything then.
We got our own way and got married secretly a month later. When Lilianne found out about it, she was only sad. Then she asked me where we were going to live. I didn't know what to answer her. Fabrice had no family. Apart from my sister, I also had no one. We planned to go out into the world, meet new places. And then settle down in Paris. Such ordinary, youthful dreams. Very naive.
Lilianne offered us to stay here. In her house.
You probably think this is weird, Oscar. Yes, the house was hers. My father did not write down the last will. Perhaps he did not think he would die so quickly and unexpectedly. After his death, Lilianne arranged for her name to appear on the deed. Nobody objected to that. She was older, and there were no male heirs, and no other relatives at all. Nobody thought about me then. So when the time came, I could only count on her generosity.
And she actually showed it. Or at least that's what I thought at that time.
We left the manor and lived in this house with Lilianne. Fabrice worked as a blacksmith here, in Angles. When I was eighteen Annabelle was born. We were so happy. Belle was the apple of her father's eye, he simply adored her. You know, when I look at Andre sometimes when he looks after Lusien, it reminds me of my husband. He devoted every free moment to his daughter. He carried, rocked, told fairy tales and sang lullabies. He was the greatest father imaginable. In order not to be separated from Belle for too long, he built a forge and a stable next door and moved his work there. There were many orders and we did not lack money. We kept animals again, and my sister and I cultivated the piece of land that was left by our parents. These years have passed so quietly.. If I hadn't been so busy with my marriage and my daughter, I would have noticed that Lilianne was not feeling good. She completely shut down. She hardly spoke to us. She could sit in the forge for hours, watching Fabrice at work. I don't know why it didn't seem strange to me.
We should have left then. Maybe if we left..
Annabelle had just turned fourteen when it happened. Fabrice was returning from the Chavigny market when he was attacked. He had a small amount of money with him because he had sold some products from our apiary. He was probably defending himself, so they shot him..
But I lost not only my beloved husband and Annabelle her father then.
I also lost my sister and home. We lost everything.
After Fabrice's funeral, Lilianne said I was to pick up my daughter and leave immediately. When I asked why, she shouted into my face everything that she hadn't had the courage to tell me in these nearly twenty years. She blamed me for killing our mother. That I had wasted her childhood and youth. Most of all, she accused me of taking the man she loved. That I robbed her of her happiness. She said she hated me and didn't want to see me anymore. That she could only bear my presence because Fabrice was here. When he was gone, there was no longer any reason to keep me here. She said.. she felt sick when she looked at me..
It was all so unexpected that I couldn't even defend myself, I didn't know how to object. I just packed the essentials and we left.
Our first common dream, Fabrice's and mine, was to go to Paris. We have never realized this dream. So I thought that he would be glad if he knew that was where we lived. He would be happy if one of our childhood dreams came true.
So I did, and you probably already know the rest.
I haven't visited Angles since then. After I let my sister know where we were staying, I no longer had any contact with her. She never wrote to me or tried to find me. As if I didn't exist for her.
Immediately after Lusien, Andre and I left the Jarjayes Manor, we were visited by Rosalie with a letter from Angles who had somehow arrived at the manor's address. The Angles' local parish priest informed me that my sister had died. So we never saw each other again.
A house that has become my property remains.
Once.. Once I used to think of this place as a house of laughter and tears. It's here I experienced the most beautiful and the worst moments of my life. Now.. I wish only happiness would reign here. So that no one else has to suffer like me. Only, is it possible?
..
- And that's all - finished Marie, unnoticely trying to wipe the tear from her cheek, which was stuck in the wrinkle on her face.
- Your sister - Oscar said after a while in a hoarse voice - She acted mean..
- Yes - admitted the old woman - Her behavior was really disgusting.. I could not prevent the death of our mother. I was also not responsible for the fact that she herself was unable to take care of her happiness and fight for it. Even so, she just kicked us out of the house as if we were strangers to her. She turned out.. to be a really bad person..
Marie looked up and only now noticed two sapphire eyes full of tears staring at her.
- No, no - she began to deny vehemently - That's not what I meant! Oscar..
- Have you ever forgiven her, Nanny? - the woman interrupted her in a whisper - Were you able to forgive her?
Marie looked at her long and seriously.
- A man with a grudge is like someone who drinks poison all the time, every day, sip by sip. Because grudge only kills the one who keeps it inside. Yes - she nodded after a moment - Yes, Oscar. I forgave her a long time ago. I never understood why she did that. And I never forgot how she treated us. But I forgave her. Because everyone deserves forgiveness.
- Thank you.. - Oscar whispered and smiled faintly.
At that moment the door opened and Andre stepped in. Rain was dripping from his coat, and his hair was streaked.
- What a weather! - he complained - It's raining cats and dogs!
He took off his coat and hung it on a hanger, then walked over to the stove to warm his hands. It was only then that he noticed the faces of the two women, which displayed a wide variety of emotions. He looked at their tearful faces in consternation.
- What happened? - he asked surprised - What were you talking about?
- Nothing, absolutely nothing happened - Marie laughed sincerely and immediately changed the subject - You're all wet, honey! - she added. She went to the stove and took a piece of clean cloth from it. - You absolutely must wipe and change right away! You'll catch a cold!
- But, Grandma.. - the man tried to object, but the old woman stood in front of him with a dry shirt, waiting with her hand outstretched to give him the wet one. Andre sighed, cast a confused look at Oscar, then turned his back to her and began to take off his shirt.
Oscar looked down and took care of Lusien, who at the same moment began to wake up, yawning delightfully.
When she looked up she saw Andre's naked back in front of her. She could barely contain a cry of horror. There was a long vertical scar on Andre's body that ran from the back of the neck to the waist. The cut was clean and straight, and the wound must have been deep to leave such a clear mark.
How could someone who had been hurt so badly even survive?!
*Here's another chapter, I hope you enjoy it.
I don't know how it is possible at all, but I managed it nonetheless. I wrote it in last two days, although I had it in my mind quite longer. However, the writing crisis is still there. I don't promise another chapter as soon as this one ;)
