Summary: Contains Serenity spoilers. After discovering the report on Miranda, Mal has alone time to think…until he engages in a discourse with an unknown speaker. However, this interruption may be what he needs to decide what to do next.

A/N 1: I came up with the idea for this fic after I heard a sermon at the Christmas Eve service my neighbors invited our family to attend. The pastor had made a derogatory and highly incorrect comment about Buddhism. Such forms of intolerance like this was what made me have a low opinion of organized religion for the longest time (I'm currently Wiccan). No matter if you believe in one god or goddess, many deities, an unknown force, or no god, we're all united in a belief in something.

A/N 2: The unusual (compared to my other fics) style of this story was inspired by the works of Friedrich Nietzsche. The title is a pun on Thus Spake Zarathustra, to which I allude. As for the identity of the unknown speaker, is it River? The ghost of Shepherd Book? Mal himself? I actually don't know, and I intend to keep it that way because the story changes with the speaker's identity. Anyway, enough of my blabbering; here's the result of all this. –Hana Li

Disclaimer: I don't own Firefly.

Finally Mal Spoke

"God is dead," Malcolm Reynolds declared to no one in particular.

What do you mean? It seemed that he had a listener. Not a big deal except for one small detail: nobody was in the room.

Despite thinking that he was slowly losing his sanity, Mal decided to respond to the voice he heard in his head. "Six years ago, I renounced my faith. In not just the Christian God, but all gods."

It wasn't too long ago that you were a different man.

"It only took two weeks to change my convictions."

So now you deny the existence of a higher power.

"No merciful god worth my devotion would've let the Battle of Serenity Valley end the way it did." Mal found the words coming out of his mouth before he had a chance to consider them. He couldn't remember the last time he was so candid. "Religion is just a handy way for the Alliance to control others."

Is that what you really believe?

The Captain paused for a moment. "Yeah, it's what I believe. People are dumb enough to follow some guy or organization they think is right, but I'm no puppet of some made-up god. I choose my own fate."

By wandering aimlessly? Is this how you want to live out your life?

"If it means bein' free, then sure." He wasn't so confident though. How long could a man last without direction? Shepherd Book always pointed out that he lacked belief, and he initially dismissed it as a segue into another sermon. However, the preacher never gave up on him.

Would you ever change your mind?

Mal snorted. "Maybe if the Alliance miraculously dissolved, but even if that happened, it's too late for me. There's no way they'd let me into heaven."

Who are "they?" You're seeing faith in a rather narrow perspective. Did you ever consider that you could be your own judge? No one is perfect, but salvation can come through one's own actions.

"Now you're just tryin' to get me to have this 'belief' everyone's been hassling me about." Inara was the next to point out the absence of faith. Although he didn't know the details of Buddhism, her message was the same as the Shepherd's: Mal needed a reason for acting, something better than money, survival, or a grudge against the Alliance. He wasn't a bad guy; that was evident from his concern over the welfare of the crew. Nevertheless, he needed to go beyond the microcosm of Serenity to find a higher cause.

Belief is power.

When Inara had suggested that Mal was no match for the Operative, who was so devoted to his convictions that he would die for them, he was insulted. Now he wondered if she had been right. Still he had his doubts. "If belief can make a man stronger, then how come the Alliance is still around?"

You know the answer to that one.

"The Alliance is set in their belief that they're right, that they can play God and 'fix' people. Those sick bastards."

Ah, it all makes sense now. You never actually denied the existence of a higher power, but you chose to not let it influence your life. Your statement on the death of God was directed at the current state of religion, where people worship in a false deity fabricated to establish authority. How Neitzschean, and yet you opposed what could be seen as the Alliance's attempt to create a sort of Superman. Perhaps you were only expressing how your faith in God has failed you.

"Looks like someone decided to get chatty." This was getting absurd. Mal wondered if years of drifting in the black have finally caught up with his sanity. It was a madman who said those three words after all. "What's your point?"

There was a prolonged silence. What do you believe in, Malcolm Reynolds?

He actually took the time to mull over the question. Contrary to what he had told everyone (including himself) in the past six years, he never completely abolished his faith. Otherwise he would've gotten rid of the crucifix he had worn during the war. The report had brought up painful memories of the past, but those memories gave him a reason to fight the Alliance, one that wasn't solely based on self-preservation and hatred, one he was willing to die for.

It's not to say he suddenly found God again. No, the Captain decided that it was much more pragmatic, and fun, to be a blasphemous skeptic. When you want somethin' done, do it yourself. Besides he didn't know of any religion that valued the fallibility of mankind and advocated misbehavior. Nevertheless, the truth had changed him, and he was sure that it would change the rest of the 'verse. He didn't feel so lost anymore because he quit running away. Whatever the hell this sort of faith was, it gave him the strength to face opposition head on.

Finally Mal spoke, "I believe in the future."