Disclaimer: Own all except the Marauders.

To Sirius Black – for doing my Charms essay every term at only 50 Galleons!

Section I: Introduction – Profiles of Members of Faculty

Marauder II – Sirius Black

Titles:

Manager of the Equipments of Mischief & Co-Director of the Conductivity of Foul Play

Given Name:

Sirius Black

AKAs:

Black/Padfoot/Serious

AKAs You'll Die For Saying:

Siri/Paddie-foot/Dog-foot/Doggie/Doggie-foot (the last pseudonym will be the key to a painful, painful death)

Likes/Hobbies:

Kitchen elves, food, going on dates

Dislikes/Hates:

(refer to The Worst Day of His Life)

The Worst Day of His Life:

The day Mrs Snape became pregnant (no offence to her, of course, since it's not her fault that her son's DNA became genetically mutated and turned out to be a complete slimy git)

Favorite Phrase In the Whole Wide Hogwarts:

Anything with the words "Snape", "alone", and "Hungarian Horntail" in it.

Things that Will Bring Him Apprehension:

Bringing a happy, healthy, and/or mobile Severus Snape into his presence, getting tight on dates.

Most Pissed-Off Moment:

When he only got an "E" for his Transfiguration term paper on becoming an Animagus.

Best Moments:

Every time he successfully pulls a prank on the desired target(s), which, 99 percent of the time, is Severus Snape.

Favorite Subject:

Charms&Lunch

Least Favorite Subjects:

Everything besides Charms and Lunch

Favorite Teacher:

Professor Dumbledore (otherwise known as Bumblebee/Dumbly-dore/Bumly-door)

Least Favorite Teachers:

Everyone besides (refer to 'Favorite Teacher')

Funniest Animal He Had Ever Seen:

Wormtail - the rat with the fat

Favorite Quote:

"Prongsie Prongsie Prongsie Prongsie Prongsie."

x-x-x

Note: This is a specified section which Sirius has so earnestly requested yours truly to include in his personal profile. All data comes from Mr. Black himself…which, I have to admit, is a bit exaggerated...

Number of Dates Per Morning:

Three, with the most popular Gryffindor girls (of the day)

Number of Dates Per Lunch/Noon:

Ten, with every female member of the Magical-Cooking Culinary Association.

Number of Dates Per Evening:

For the fear of this parchment getting befallen in the wrong hands, the specific number shall not be stated as it will bring animosity and immense indignation to the rest of the male population, who are scarcely getting any dates at all.

Tips From Sirius On – What Else, Dating!

Most Favored Gifts Among Girls:

Haven't yet discovered any.

Least Favored Gifts Among Girls:

Pretty dolls (see how easily they get jealous?)

Most Successful Pick-Up Lines:

None needed if you are as good looking as me.

Least Successful Pick-Up Lines:

"If you were a booger, I'd pick you first." (Comment: Dude, you're sick)

"Beww BEWWW Beww (She asks, 'What?') That is the sound of the ambulance coming to pick me up because when I saw you my heart stopped!" (Comment: Three words – lame, LAME, and LAME)

"HEY, you are a girl…wanna go out with me?" (Comment: …4$#12$8#...)