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Section II: Questions You Want Answered Part I
An interview is to be conducted with our favorite Marauders via Wilber Lovegood, editor of the Marauder's Guidebook. Each will be asked questions submitted by the Official Marauders Fan Club of Hogwarts (OMFCH in short) which consists of 177 members, still growing.
Actions will be scripted in brackets (…)
Editor: Hello Marauders! As you already know, today I'm going to -
James: Yes, yes. An interview. Now move it. You have exactly fifteen minutes before our next prank –
Sirius: - make that ten minutes.
James: Thank you, Sirius.
Remus: (scowls) Sorry about doing this in a rush, Wilber. But James and Sirius insisted
on trying their new acid powder thing on Severus –
Peter: (gasps) We are trying what on Mr. Snape?
Sirius: (impatiently) Our all-new Annihilative Acid Powder, Peter. It's not lethal or anything. (cackles) Heck, we're just going to give him a new, more mutated look. (cackles again) Oh, and what did I say about calling Snivellus MR. SNAPE, Peter
Peter: Er –
James: - don't even think about using the I'm-not-feeling-so-well excuse again. You used that this morning when we went hexing Avery.
Peter: But what if I really am feeling unwell –
James: (threateningly) Don't push it, Peter.
Peter: Yes sir James sir.
Editor: (laughs) You Marauders lead the most interesting lives –
Remus: Uh, not to rush you or anything, Wilber. But…the interview?
Editor: Ah, of course, of course. (takes out cue cards) Okay, the first question is for Sirius…hmm, what kind of girls do you prefer to date, in terms of their Houses?
James: (wears an expression that says you-must-be-kidding-me)
Remus: (wears similar expression as person above)
Sirius: Ehh…difficult question you asked there, Mr. Editor. But, what can I say? Hufflepuff girls are practically zombies on dates…and Ravenclaw girls are just a tad too conservative for their own goods. And obviously, not even a thousand Crucios could ever make me go out with a Slytherin. So that leaves me – the lovely Gryffindor girls.
Editor: Ah, sums it up for all of us Gryffindor guys. Second question, for James. (eagerly) Is it true that you are stuck with a permanent Itchy-Hair Hex and is that the reason why you have to rumple your hair so much? You know, to ease the itchiness?
Sirius: (laughs in the most deafening volume – the word 'deafening' is stressed) AHAHAHAHA! ITCHY HAIR HEX? (now falling off the chair due to his uncontrollable laughter – the word uncontrollable is stressed, as well)
James: (makes obscene gesture with hand)
Editor: Er, okay…I take that as a 'no'. (looks around nervously) Oh, and Sirius? You can stop laughing now. People are staring.
Sirius: (unable to answer due to hysteric laughter) (now turning into a delicate shade of purple…from lack of oxygen, I suppose)
Editor: Anyway, next question, for Remus. What would you say are the most important keys to success in terms of academics?
Remus: Wait, I can't hear you. STOP LAUGHING SO LOUD, SIRIUS! Say that again?
Editor: (repeats question)
Remus: My apologies, Wilber. But Black here is laughing like a freaking madman…allow me. (takes out wand and points it at Sirius) Silencio!
(thankfully the maniacal laughter of Sirius Black can no longer be heard)
Editor: Thank you Remus. So, I was saying, being the nerd – I mean, scholar, that you are, what would you say is the key to academic success?
Remus: Ah, that's an easy one. Four simple words, my friend - stay awake in class.
Editor: Valuable advice indeed. I'll try to remember that…now, for Peter –
James: Sorry to interrupt, Wilber. But…Sirius, get a grip of yourself! (looks at the muted – though still laughing – Marauder on the floor with contempt) WOULD YOU STOP LAUGHING ALREADY?! Jeez, the question wasn't even funny. What was that? An Itchy-Hair Hex? Goddammit, I don't even think it's a real hex!
Sirius: (now turning green)
Peter: (tugs the sleeve of the near-death, though still laughing, Marauder) Are you alright, Sirius? You are scaring me…
Sirius: (once again, subject is unable to answer as he is now turning white, and is no longer laughing)
Our interview shall be adjourned here as Sirius Black is now falling into a coma-like state and does not look to be in the condition of an interview.
Editor's Note from Wilber Lovegood
I should not, for the love of Merlin, be held responsible should anything happen to Sirius.
Jeez, all I did was ask the question. If anyone is to blame, BLAME IT ON THE OMFCH PEOPLE!
