Chapter 42

As Capricorn worked his way back into the court of the Adderhead, he hadn't written to Meggie or even checked his journal to see if she had written herself. He wasn't worried about it as he knew she would understand that he was working toward expanding their kingdom. He didn't worry about Meggie, not after what had happened between Dustfinger and her, she had proved herself a queen, but as he worked each day towards his takeover, he longed for her. She was with him and so as the night ended one night, he entered his tent finding that he couldn't sleep that night without speaking to Meggie. Nearly two months had passed since they been together.

"We've been separated so long" thought Capricorn the time settling on his heart as he opened his journal to contact her for the first time since they were last together. When he opened his journal though he expected to find her elegant handwriting flowing across the page. He thought they'd be something from her asking him to speak to her when he could. Meggie hadn't written to him since the doctor began staying in the dungeons. Her mind kept returning to that moment when the man she trusted had transformed into something evil. Meggie couldn't shake the image or the feelings it caused in her. She couldn't shake the questioning fear that it might be a sign that their empire was meant to fall or the feeling that she was completely unequipped to lead the men around her. Meggie felt like a little girl again, afraid, as she had been when she was first brought here, and when Mo was all she knew. She didn't want Capricorn to see that though, maybe that was why she couldn't write to him in those days and why Capricorn saw nothing when his journal opened.

"Meggie" whispered Capricorn when he first laid eyes on the blank pages of his journal a fear in his veins that something was not right. Without hesitation as her name passed his lips, Capricorn wrote it on the page too, and after he waited for a response. He could feel his heart beating rapidly within his throat as he watched her name stand alone on the page. He waited then he continued to wait feeling his nerves fraying as no response appeared after several minutes.

"Do you really want him to see what a failure you are?" thought Meggie when she first saw the flash telling her that Capricorn had written her and as she laid in their bed, Meggie knew the answer. In the months that the doctor had been locked away, she had been told that he had returned to the doctor who nursed her back to life, but in the dungeon he remained. Meggie was loath to free for fear of the man that lay within his bones. She hadn't spoken to Capricorn about it and didn't want to now but was unsure how to avoid it as she watched her journal in the midst of that flash. Since the doctor had been locked away, Meggie hadn't known how to proceed with her life, and so in that vain it seemed to stop. Meggie had hidden herself away, at least as best as was possible considering she was the queen. She rarely left her bedroom keeping it dark with only the low glow of a few candles keeping her company. She left only once a day. She would go to the throne room where she would read riches from a story. As soon as she had though, she would leave her guards to store them away as she returned to her room, and it was there she stayed until it came time to leave again. She hadn't written Capricorn, not because she didn't long for him, but because she did. As soon as everything had happened the first thought that entered her mind had been to run to him for whatever answer there was to be had, but Meggie found Mortola in her head as the urge filled her heart. Because that was exactly why she thought Meggie was holding him back. Meggie couldn't stand on her own and where before she thought that she could, she found a doubt entering her mind now. Because her first instinct shouldn't be to run to him to protect her. She should be protecting herself, but Meggie found herself unable to do that.

To cower in his shadow and bury her head in his chest seemed to be her way. She longed for him, it ached at her, and yet shamed her as well. It was her job now to keep everything he'd built standing and yet, she found herself crumbling in the face of fear. Meggie didn't want to let him down. She didn't want to feel the blow of his words when he realized the mistake he had made in loving her, in even marrying her, and she didn't want to see the regret that would be laced into his words written on the page. Meggie didn't know how to tell him of her failure. Since coming to know him as more then the monster her father had painted him to be, Meggie had wanted to show him that she was more then a woman in need of protection, but also someone worthy to stand by his side. She wanted him to have pride in her and as she laid there, she didn't know how he could have any of that. Yet as that flash came, Meggie knew she couldn't leave him waiting for her that she needed to speak to him even if she had to tell him of the failure she was turning out to be, and with that thought heavy on her mind, Meggie opened her journal. She still didn't write anything though as she stared at the page searching for the words to say.

"What do I say to him?" whispered Meggie closing the journal as soon as she opened it. Meggie felt lost beyond words. She didn't know what to do or who to trust anymore. There had been a time when Mo was the only one, she trusted, but then Capricorn had taken his place. Capricorn had held her in his thrall completely and then as the doctor became her friend, she gave him her trust too, but it had been shattered that day with his alter ego came out to wrap his hands around her throat. As that thought flowed through her mind, the journal glowed again then again after that, and Meggie still didn't have the words to face him. For the first time in weeks, Meggie broke her routine, and left her bedroom. Her footsteps were fast, her dress flowing behind her as she held her journal pressed to her chest with a single pen lodged in the pages, and she didn't stop not even when her guards stopped to question her. Meggie didn't stop until she reached the throne room and locked the door from the inside, she sat alone, and she opened her journal once more as she sat in her throne laying it across her knees.

"Meggie" she saw her name first.

"Talk to me, my love" came after that and Meggie found herself caressing the paper in longing for him.

"Meggie, please say something. Are you alright? I have so much I wish to tell you. Please, say something" his tone held desperation now. Meggie felt her heart pang from within her throat as those words appeared. He longed for her as she did him and she knew if she denied him now, she would be punishing him as well as herself. Meggie would never do that as she held her pen in hand still trying to find the words that were needed in that moment. It brought words to her pen.

"Don't worry, my love, everything's fine" Meggie knew it was a lie, the first lie she'd ever let pass between them, and she only hoped he would believe her. Capricorn sensed an uneasiness in those words the second they appeared.

"Has something happened? You took such a long time to answer me" the question shook Meggie more then she wanted to admit as she sat there with her pen poised against the page.

"What do I say to him? I can't just say I'm failing miserably" thought Meggie closing her eyes as the thought overcame her. She wasn't ready to tell him of the events that had, so unexpectedly played out right in this very room. Capricorn meanwhile felt an anxiety as he awaited her response and then her answer came as unexpectedly.

"Things have been upsetting her, Capricorn, but you don't need to be thinking about that now. I'll explain more soon, I promise, all I ask is you give me time to do that" Capricorn felt torn in that moment between demanding an answer and letting her have the time she was asking for. He had this instinct within him to protect her and yet, he knew she would not ask this of him if it wasn't what she felt was needed. It took all he had to stay calm as he continued speaking to her as if nothing was wrong. He did that, yet even as he did the knowledge that there was something, she wasn't telling him stayed there at the back of his mind.

His first instinct was to tell her to tell him.

"She may not need that now" thought Capricorn as he looked at her words sensing that she was anxious to forget the subject altogether.

"Are you alright? Has someone hurt you?" he had to know these things if he was to give into her request.

"I'm fine, don't worry, just know that I'll tell you in time, and that I have not been harmed in any way" as her words appeared they eased something in Meggie, but as Capricorn responded he didn't feel the same.

"How are you, my king? What is it you wanted to tell me?" Meggie pressed a kiss into the paper then sending her deepest love as she'd done before.

"I've missed you, my love. I always find myself missing you and wanting you close, but when I wake, you're never there then I remember where I am. I am still as always deeply in love with you and I wanted to tell you of the success we are having here. We have found a place in the Adderheads court with my sisters help and with that place we will make the old man fall" Meggie felt a chill at his words. He was succeeding and at the words her pride in him soared even as her failure seemed to weigh on her more. She could see him as the king then towering over people who cowered in fear when he was a mere henchman. When he was king though, they would cower more, and Meggie wanted that for him as she read his words. She could feel his time coming and yet as it was, she knew it would make her failure all the harder on him once he learned of it.

This meant he was all the closer to returning to her, but also that he was in the center of the lion's den. He wasn't just succeeding but putting himself in danger. Meggie found she feared for him as she searched for what to say. She wanted to praise him even as she wanted to beg him to use caution. Because she wanted to see him again and love him again and have him be more then just a figment created by a potion. She wanted the real man who she had married to come back to her and as his wife, she feared for him.

"What if he is discovered and he is killed" thought Meggie hating the thought even as it passed, her eyes closing to keep her tears at bay, but even as she did that with worlds between them her husband could feel her fear for him in that moment.

"Don't worry, my love, I won't let my guard down enough to be in any danger" Meggie didn't feel at ease at his words. Meggie knew what those words were meant to do. They were meant to ease something within herself, but they didn't. Instead, something inside that she knew to be her love for him swelled, and Meggie felt close to tears. She loved him so much and, in that moment, she feared he didn't know that. She tried to remember when she'd said it to him last, but the memory was faint. In that moment, she found she needed to know that.

"If he dies I will too" whispered Meggie knowing that she couldn't live without him as her fear joined her love. Meggie had been her father's pawn until Capricorn saved her. Capricorn had made her a woman when her father had wanted to keep her a little girl. He had taught her what real strength was and she had taught him what it was to love and be loved in return. Together, they had found something they didn't know they were looking for, and with that her own thoughts continued to pain her. Because she knew he could die and the last thing she wanted was for him to not know how deeply she loved him.

"I love you, so much" Meggie didn't care if he knew why she said it in that moment.

"I need you to know that" Meggie knew that was the only explanation he needed and as it appeared, Capricorn didn't question her, and when he responded there was only one response to give.

"I love you" both were sincere as the words left them.

There was so much more they both needed to say, but their reunion, if it could be called that, was abruptly interrupted. Basta entered his tent and Capricorn found himself silent even as he wanted to be angry. The look in the man's eyes said that this was not his doing and as he looked at the page before him, Capricorn was reluctant to leave her this way.

"Your sister says she must speak with you. She says it is important" whispered Basta his voice soft. He didn't stay long after delivering the message and Capricorn was glad of it. He felt vulnerable as he prepared the words to say goodbye to her again after having just connected with her again. He found himself looking at her picture as he prepared what to say and as he was about to write it, he kissed it. As he did, he longed to kiss the real woman, but promised he would when this was all over. He looked down at the blank page and he could picture her then, waiting as he had been for his response, but still the words stayed in his mind ready to be written. He found he longed for her more then he cared to admit and that he didn't want to part from her so soon. Yet he knew he must for he had a feeling that his sister wouldn't insist on speaking with him if it weren't something dire. As he responded to her, he promised himself that their separation would not be long. That soon he would have her by his side again, but still the pain of being apart did not ease. He missed her. He was still so deeply in love with her that he knew the longer they were apart the more anxious he would feel until he woke up to her by his side once more.

"I'm being called away. I hope you know how much I love you, Meggie, and that you are with me everywhere I go. I love you so much down to the very depth of my soul. You are there. You are my heart" picturing her then with her hand over her heart as she was want to do and wishing he could kiss her as a proper farewell.

"As you are with me. Never forget how much I love you. I know you'll be king there soon and know I await the day we stand together again. Stay safe, my love" Meggie pressed another kiss to the page then a second and a third. As they appeared before him, Capricorn let his fingers linger over the imprint her lips had left. He found himself longing for the real thing as he exited his tent. Gemini stood there all dressed in blue and her eyes belayed nothing as he approached. They walked together until they stood in the shadow of the Adderheads castle.

"I fear you will not like this, brother" said Gemini calmly.

"What is it?" said Capricorn walking beside her not showing anything as he waited for her to continue.