A/N Mmm James angst! It's short yet powerful. Read Are you serious? You seriously think I made up James and the rest? Are you kidding me?
And Everything Else; I've never died. I just want to clarify that.
People say that when you die everything goes so much slower and your senses sharpen. This is partly true. When you die it feels like the world stops. Everything is laid out before you, everything's just barely moving. But things are flying past you at the same time. Your life flies past you. What could have happened flies past; what's going to happen. And you can't stop it.
There's a feeling of helplessness sitting deep in your chest, weighing you down. Because there are ages and ages laid out on front of you and you can't do anything. It's like one of those dreams when you're running away from something and you're running as fast as you can but you're not going anywhere and every few steps you fall over. And then one time when you fall over you can't get up, no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you scramble, you can't get up.
And for the first time in my life I'm scared for myself.
I can hear Lily upstairs telling Harry everything's going to be all right, that Daddy's going to be alright. But Daddy isn't going to be alright. And Daddy doesn't know what to do. And if I don't know what to do then how will Harry cope, how will Harry know what to do?
There's the light coming towards me. The green light that's just a flash, just a flash to normal eyes. And it's funny how now, now that everything's going so slowly, I can see every pinprick of light in it. And it's funny how it looks so pretty. But it's going to kill me. It's going to kill me and even though everything's going so slowly and I could just jump out the way, I could run away. But I can't. And it's going to kill me.
And I'm scared. Because I can't do anything.
And the feeling of helplessness is choking me. I can hear Lily, I can see her, and she's closing her eyes, holding on to Harry and murmuring that Daddy will be fine, that they'll all be fine. But we won't. And I know it, and she knows it. And there's nothing we can do about it.
And I'm going to die. And there's nothing I can do about it.
And I'm scared.
