Chapter 48

Meggie read his message with a splinter in her heart. Any contact with him was better then not knowing where he was or when she would hear from him again, but the temptation it posed made something in her heart ache. The words made her long for him. She was suddenly tempted to ask him to take the potion and though she knew the risks the temptation was there all the same. Meggie almost thought it would have been worth it if only to see him again, but still she read his words without ever asking him. That was one risk she just couldn't take.

"I love you too" wrote Meggie in return before closing her journal to continue with her day. She walked to the throne room and just as expected her guards lined the walls. As she stood at her podium as she started to read, she didn't know how to feel.

She felt the breeze as she read and then the clink of coins as they fell into the room. When she turned the guards were gathering gold coins from the floor and as she moved to her throne, Meggie couldn't shake that feeling in her gut. Something massively important was missing from her life. Meggie could feel it, the emptiness of a missing piece as she sat there, and though her guards surrounded her, she felt completely alone. At first, she thought that missing piece was her husband. That she was suddenly feeling his absence anew, but she knew it wasn't that somehow. This empty feeling was different somehow and the longer she sat there the more uncertain Meggie felt. She had no idea what that missing piece could be. Most of all, she kept thinking of Capricorn, visualizing it as he rode through fire, and all to conquer as was his place. It was the adventure that was her husband's existence that Meggie truly envied in her husband. She always stayed behind when he went away to conquer the surrounding villages, she always lay waiting to see what spoils he returned with, but in truth, part of her always longed to be the one bringing those spoils home. She wanted the fire and the chaos that Capricorn could only describe so well in the stories he told. She wanted to ride by his side as he rode into battle, but that never seemed to be her place. Meggie always found herself playing the beautiful damsel instead.

One thing Meggie could say for certain was that her husband had always known his place in the world. In his world he was the Firestarter, the chaos bringer, and the one that people feared. In this world he was the king commanding an army. He never questioned the role he was meant to play and yet as she sat there, Meggie could scarcely say the same. Because unlike Capricorn she constantly found herself questioning the role she must play. She wanted things that seemed destiny to never be. It was something she had told herself once she was at peace with, but now as she found herself alone waiting on the man, she loved to return to her she wasn't sure of anything. There was a time when she believed her place was to be Mo's daughter. She had believed that right up until the moment that Capricorn had found her. They had fallen in love so unexpectedly and in that Meggie found the entire outlook of her life had changed. Suddenly, here was someone who wanted to build her up, and make her more then just some little girl hiding behind her father's back. He was the first to see her as the beautiful woman she had become and the only one to ever push her out from someone else's shadow. The only one to make her stand solely alone within her own and yet even Capricorn had certain roles that he needed her to play. She had started out as his companion, someone for him to speak with, and laugh with until their timid friendship had blossomed into love. As his lover, she'd been uncertain at first, unsure of what was expected of her, and what he wanted her for. Capricorn had been so patient in the beginning. He'd taken everything so slow with her and together they found their connection as two lovers that only grew when he kneeled before he and made him his wife. Being his wife had also her his queen and those were the roles that Meggie struggled with now. She was now a wife whose husband was too far away and a queen struggling to know what to do without her king there to tell her. It had always been so easy when he was here and as she sat there alone; Meggie missed him because without him she felt so unsure of herself. She couldn't shake the feeling that she wasn't doing something right despite everything he told her before they'd been so cruelly separated. That had become all too apparent when she read him into Inkheart and now, as queen, she had been floundering ever since.

Meggie wanted him to return and see that she had honored him by seeing that their kingdom continued to thrive. She wanted him to be proud of the job she was doing, but with each passing day, Meggie became all the more certain that he would be displeased with her when he returned. Sometimes though, she thought if she could lead her men the way he did that she could be the leader he needed her to be, but she had no idea how to lead them. She had watched Capricorn so many times, but when it came to doing the same, she didn't think herself capable of doing the same. And yet, in that moment, as she sat there Meggie wasn't afraid to try.

"I want to be more to him then a pretty face and a voice that can make our kingdom richer" thought Meggie finding in that moment that the gift she'd once learned to value so much was not enough anymore. She wanted him to return to find his vaults overflowing with riches, yes, but she wanted more. The truth was she wanted some adventures to boast of late at night when they were alone. She wanted to have great tales of the things she'd done just as she knew he would have, but so far all she had were scant tales of how she'd read gold coins from a few lines of text. She wanted to make him proud by being more then the little wife standing on the sidelines while her husband claimed all the glory for himself. All she'd done was read for him and sit on his throne to wait.

Meggie didn't want to sit waiting anymore and at the thought, she rose. She was tired of thinking of the disappoint she would be when Capricorn returned. She was sick of waiting to see what would happen. Meggie suddenly decided she wasn't going to wait anymore. She was going to act and with that thought, she marched down to where her guards were filling the vaults with gold, and for a moment she watched them do so her mind already made up.

"If you could stand at attention, please" snapped Meggie suddenly, startling the guards as they filled the vaults with coins, but as soon as she spoke, they were moving quickly to follow her command.

"I've got quite the adventure in store for us" said Meggie seeing as she walked in front of them as each man looked at her with uncertainty. That uncertainty excited her for reasons she didn't completely understand. She wanted to surprise them, to give them this, and show them that their queen was not as fragile as they might believe. After all, she knew that was what they thought of her, and today she was ready to prove that assessment wrong with the announcement she was about to make.

"I want you all to finish here and then prepare for us to leave in the next few days. We're going to go pillage a few villages and raise some hell" said Meggie her voice low and dangerous. They stared at her until one brave guard stepped up to face her.

"My lady, the king gave specific orders to keep you safe, going to pillage the surrounding villages will not do that" said the guard getting a chill when she only gave him a cold stare in response.