'Where's my sandwich?'

Vanya forced herself to chuckle and roll her eyes, but it came out a bit choked. She wanted to ask him if he knew what happened and that he was under the shower for so long. He looked positively lost like his mind drifted away. But maybe there was still time for that. For now, she led him to the kitchen in front of the tower of sandwiches she prepared for him earlier.

She didn't even bother to hide the fact that she was waiting for him to start to eat once they sat down ignoring her own plate.

He watched the first sandwich for a moment like he was getting familiar with it not yet biting just admiring it in a way. Vanya felt the pressure and ball inside her throat returning making it hard to sit straight without a sound as she once again realized it. He was back. He came back. And whenever he was, it was not nice at all.

When she was younger and bitter locked inside their nightmarish mansion, she used to think Five left them all on purpose in search of a better life. She imagined he got somewhere nice and cozy much better than the dad's house, and that he lived the perfect life and forgot about them. It never lasted long, and an adult Vanya could blame it on teenage mood and rebellion, but she hoped it wasn't true and Five ended somewhere bad regretting leaving the house, them, and her. She knew it was cruel, childish, selfish and all the shades of horrible to have such thoughts but when she was the most upset because of dad and the ignorance of her siblings. She really wished that was the case. Now she hated herself for it, even more, realizing that it was true, Five really was someplace horrible.

She knew Five would never wish her such horrible things. He was a good brother who cared for her and called her a companion and friend always treating her like she belonged even if he sometimes wasn't all nice and was his usual self, stubborn and cold he still treated her the same as the others. She didn't feel like such an outsider when she was with him. She didn't feel like she was different when she was with him.

Five took a bite letting out a moan and smiling a bit as he chewed, 'Gosh, it still tastes amazing. No, scratch that it tastes so much better. You wouldn't believe the shit I ate before and-,' he cut the speech as he finished his first bite and looked at her before he full-on frowned the way he used to when he couldn't understand why the numbers in his formulas weren't adding up.

'You- you're crying?' he asked and his frown softened into worry before he reached out for her and she let out a choked sound pushing a hand over her mouth. She didn't realize she was crying honestly. She thought she was just feeling sad, but now that he said it she felt hot tears running down her face and her mouth letting out these sounds even with her covered hands.

Five reached out for her other hand instantly. Like it was the most natural thing. He was back less than a day, and he just knew he could touch her and how to touch her to make her feel better, and she just couldn't handle any of that now.

He stood up and helped her out of the chair before pulling her into his arms, and she shook her head letting herself cry.

'Where were you?' she sobbed, 'Why couldn't you eat peanut butter sandwiches? Didn't they allow you any?' she cried against him not sure he was making out what was she saying, but he didn't seem to mind as he just held her close like he always would when she got emotional.

'No, don't comfort me,' she said at one point trying to push free, 'You-you were lost somewhere bad, I should be the one comforting you and not-,' she tried to look away to brush her nose against her sleeve so he wouldn't see because she had no napkin lying around. It was only then she realized she skipped her pills today.

Five just moved her head closer to him and kissed the side of her face as she wouldn't turn toward to face him until she calmed down a bit. This was ridiculous and so stupid. Why did she act so stupid?

She hiccupped and shook her head again. She didn't deserve him to comfort her. He was the one who suffered, and she wished he'd suffer letting that horrible angry thought into the world and making it come true. She wrote a book exposing all of her siblings in the worst way imaginable, and she was a horrible sister, and person and now she skipped her medication and was crying against Five's chest like a baby while she should be comforting him.

She untangled herself out of his arms and rushed to her coat grabbing her pills knowing it would be the only thing that would help her.

'You still take those?' she heard Five ask as she took one and swallowed it without water.

She didn't answer at first making sure she swallowed before nodded, 'I have to.'

He didn't answer just continued to watch them for a moment before he looked back at the sandwiches and took another one letting out a sigh, 'Still good.'

She came back holding onto the bottle of pills tightly. The stress of yesterday and today threw her off her schedule she needed to be more careful not to miss out again.

'I'm glad,' she said and sighed, 'You still haven't answered my question.' They both noticed.

He continued to chew now eying the sandwiches rather than her before he frowned a bit, 'I'm not sure I want to.'

She gripped the bottle, 'Because of my…I can handle it now. I just skipped a few pills.'

He looked at her and then at the bottle almost like he was analyzing what she told him which made her want to defend herself, 'I never do that, but yesterday was different. It isn't every day your long-lost brother returns.'

He looked at her again and took another bite momentarily closing his eyes in the appreciation of how delicious the sandwich was, 'I don't want to talk about it.'

She loosened her hold on the bottle, 'Oh.'

His eyes softened at her as he swallowed, 'It's not because of you-It's not…I don't want to talk about it because it's not relevant yet.'

Five let the sandwich go and brushed his hair. A nervous tic. He was stressed. Something he only did when he was frustrated. Five always looked collected, smooth, like he could handle anything and nothing every shocked or surprised him. Everything was counted on, expected, considered. Five Hargreeves was hard to surprise or get under his skin. But Vanya knew better. Vanya used to watch him closely. She used to watch all of them closer, and she knew their façades, the masks they created. Some were for the public, the others for each other. Vanya saw threw many of them. Maybe it was easier to see through Five's because they were so close. They used to be.

'Maybe it would make you feel better,' she tried and set the bottle on the fridge. She would put it to her bathroom's cupboard later.

'Talking about our feelings to make it better how very therapeutic and not-Hargreeveslike of you,' he said maybe to insult her and make her drop it, maybe to joke and change the topic. It didn't work.

She shrugged her shoulders, 'I was never a part of the family, why start now?'

He looked up at her again something changed in his eyes, 'Wrong.'

Vanya blinked confused by the heated look in his eyes, 'You were never a part of the academy. You were always part of the family.'

She grimaced. She could tell they were changing the conversation to her. She didn't like it one bit, 'There wasn't a difference.'

Five shook his head, 'There was and there is. And if you thought there wasn't, why keep the name? In the hospital, you still said your name was Vanya Hargreeves. Why not just change it if you weren't part of the family?' he asked.

Low blow.

He must have caught sensed it because again his face softened almost to a look, she would call apologetic in Five's case, 'I didn't mean it like a bad thing. I was just trying to prove-'

'Your point I know,' she said calmly feeling the pills kicking in. She forgot he could be unbearable when he wanted to prove he was right. Sometimes even cruel even if he didn't mean to.

He watched her for a moment before he said something she didn't hear very often from him if at all, 'I'm sorry, it wasn't my intention to hurt your feeling. You should know that.'

She nodded. She knew that much was true. Five used the word sorry very rarely and if he did use it he meant it.

Vanya went to sit down and eat her sandwich, 'I guess, there is still a part of me which want to be a part of the family even if I know I can't.'

'That's not true,' he tried to argue, but she raised her hand, 'You…you were gone a long time, Five. Things changed. We changed for better or worse.'

His face was tense now. He probably didn't think of that possibility or maybe he just tried to avoid it in his mind. Vanya did as well for obvious reasons. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to bring it up especially when he looked at her again and requested, 'Tell me,' in a way she knew she couldn't refuse.

She shook her head, 'Just things happened.' She wrote a devious book about their family and alienated everyone. They all hated her now. Everyone except Ben, who was dead and Five, who she had to lie to as long as possible about the book and what she did. She knew it was horrible. Maybe worse than wishing him to have a bad life in a moment of jealousy and rage, but she selfishly wanted to lie to him and keep him in her life at least a bit longer. She knew once the bubble would burst, and he would figure it out he would hate her with the same passion and disgust the others did, but for now, she could enjoy his company.

She licked her lips and took in a deep breath, 'I don't know if you're aware, and maybe I shouldn't even say this but, uh, Ben…Ben's…' How long was it since she last said it out loud? She couldn't recall. Maybe at the funeral where she was more asleep than awake at times overdosing on too many pills to numb the crushing pain, she felt every time she looked at Klaus's red from crying or being high eyes. Maybe when she said it out loud when they all came home, and Klaus looked at her without really looking at her.

'Why wasn't it me? Why wasn't it you?' he asked her then before making his way up the stairs. She wasn't even allowed to go to the funeral which was a public affair of a fallen hero. She took a lot of pills that week everything was a dream or a nightmare now when she thought about it. Maybe it was just in her mind.

'I know,' said Five spearing her of actually saying it out loud. His expression revealing as much as hers would, but she was always good in reading him, and she knew what he felt.

'Oh,' was all Vanya allowed herself to say or not say before she grimaced, 'I still sometimes…it's still sometimes hard to get used to it. Whenever I think about everyone and where they are and what they are doing I…I think of him and then realize that he isn't here anymore…it's strange.'

Five nodded and continued to eat in slower bites gazing at the plate now his thoughts probably just as grim as hers, 'There were seven of us, and always will be.'

Of course, he understood her. They used to be close, the closest in the house of horrors for a reason.

'Anyway, how are they?' he asked after a moment of both of them regretting the past and their mutual lost, his voice not as down as before, 'The others?'

Vanya blinked gratefully by the change which could ease up the tension and gloomy atmosphere as well as cause her pain and stress as a remind her just how much she ruined everything.

'Well, I don't really keep taps as much as I should,' she said to use it as a cover to why she wasn't in contact with them. She wouldn't lie per se, just tell him what she used to know about them before the book. It shouldn't be so hard or shouldn't make her feel so terrible about herself.

'Most of us moved out at one point or another. Luther is still with dad as far as I know. He still sends him on missions. Sometimes he has an article about him or they mention him and his mission in the news. Not as much as they used to,' she said feeling like she offended their brother who wasn't even here so she added, 'But dad doesn't publicize your missions as much as he used to so-'

'You don't need to speak on his behave in front of me,' he cut her off suddenly and Vanya felt like she should blush in embarrassment, but wasn't sure she did. The pills were definitely kicking in.

She shook her head, 'I'm not, it just sounded-'

'Harsh,' he smirked surprising her a bit, 'Always ready to defend us even when we were jerks to you.'

She bit the inside of her mouth from saying not always.

'You weren't a jerk to me,' she said and his smirk turned into a grimace, 'I forced you to write on my walls while I told you what to write. Doesn't sound like model brother behavior.'

She offered him a small smile at the memory, 'I'm pretty sure you just did that not to make me feel so bored and useless all the time.'

Five took another bit, 'Maybe, but also your handwriting was much better than mine.'

They chuckled at that. Vanya couldn't argue with that logic yet with the way his eyes softened she always expected him to say something more before he looked away and coughed a bit, 'You were telling me about Luther.'

'Right, uh, so he still does the missions, and that's all I know. Usually, when we spoke together over the phone, he talked about that or dad and the house. Pogo and Grace are still there too…I haven't really spoken with them often either,' she said actually feel bad about that. She should at least try to call again, but she was too chicken worried Luther would pick up like last time.

'They're probably alright,' said Five and stood up to take a glass of water, 'Pogo lived with the old man longer than we can even remember, and there isn't much which can upset Grace.'

Vanya nodded, 'I guess. Well, uh, Allison is a big movie star now, so she definitely got her dream come true. She's in L.A most of the time.' She wanted to sue her because of the book but probably decided not to. She left that part out.

Five didn't say anything to that so she carried on forcing her voice not to shake or give anything away, 'Diego is in the police academy last I heard. He lived here for a couple of months after he left the house before he found his own place. I think he was dating someone. I only saw them once on a date.' Right, she did see him and a woman together before the whole book fiasco, but rather than walk over and say hi she walked the other way. She got upset. Diego used to live here. Sure she offered because that was what siblings do, and she really didn't want him to be on the street when he had nowhere to go, so for a time they were living in her small apartment and talking. It might sound ridiculous but Vanya felt like it was the first time they were talking maybe in forever. Not just about the house, the academy, dad, their siblings, but also about themselves. So when Diego moved out, Vanya assumed they would still around in each other's lives. But of course, she was wrong and the moment she saw him with his date she realized just how wrong she was. She knew nothing about his life and where it was heading and he didn't seem to care he didn't know anything about hers. That was before the book after the book he did call, but it was less than civil and sibling friendly.

'I honestly don't know anything about Klaus. He used to call and stop by to crash a couple of years before when he was fed up with the house or his friends or stuff. But then he vanished a bit. Diego sometimes mentioned him, occasionally Luther. We got him committed once to a rehab facility, but it didn't work out. Family therapy wasn't as helpful as the therapist assumed it would be.'

Five chuckled but quickly tried to cover it before he asked the smirk still visible on his face, 'You guys tried family therapy-'

'For Klaus-'

'You,' he closed his eyes and covered his mouth obviously trying to hold back laugher. Vanya let out an annoyed sound, 'Yeah, laugh it out. It went as well as you would expect.' She honestly couldn't believe she thought therapy would help them out. It was ridiculous and made them all avoid eye contact afterward. They didn't try it again. Probably for the best.

Five stopped laughing and took a deep breath, 'Wish I was there.'

'Yeah, right. You sure would have loved having a talking stick which no one used and the shouting matches between Luther and Diego and Klaus laughing and commenting everything,' she rolled her eyes at the memory. Not something she liked looking back at. Sure it was a bit funny now if she didn't think about sitting there and the therapist turning to her suggesting she might still be bitter about it and her starting the book afterward which proved her right.

She pushed those thoughts away. She was glad they could just stop there and not skip over Ben.

'You could tell me what you've been up to?' she tried, but Five shot her a smirk, 'Nice try.' It didn't reach his eyes, but she knew better than to push if he really didn't want to talk about it. She hoped he would soon though. It was eating her up from the inside not knowing how to help him deal with it.

'What about you?' he asked after a while.

She was tempted to play with him and tell him that she would if he did the same, but didn't want to push him. She was worried he would get angry and leave and well…she just got him back. Him leaving was scary and not a conversation she wanted to start.

'I'm in an orchestra in town,' she said feeling the inside of her mouth burning as she imagined how she would say next I wrote a book about us. It's horrible. Everyone hates me now.

Five's smirk turned into something softer, a smile, something reserved he only ever showed if he forgot himself or knew no one was there, 'Like you always wanted.'

His expression turned a bit smug though as he crossed his arms looking at her. She was always conflicted about that look. Apart of her wanted to wipe it off his face and another found it…interesting, 'I always knew you would.'

She rolled her eyes, 'Right. Especially after my first two weeks.' She recalled the time of slamming doors and everyone telling her to quit it or stop playing all together.

'Even then. I knew somewhere in that terrible sound is a hidden symphony,' he said, and she shook her head not believing him one bit but still smiling. It was so long ago. So much time had passed. Some memories were hard and painful, but not all of them. Maybe it was more than just some last bits of hope that she could be a real Hargreeves which kept her from changing the name. Maybe it was the memories she didn't want to let go which were inseparable from the family name.

'Anyway, when will I hear you play?' Five asked and Vanya felt the easy mood slipping away a bit, 'Maybe not today. I have a vacation for a reason you know,' she joked hoping it would sound convincing. She didn't confess how she lately felt about her playing. Mediocracy was something she feared all her life like plague. But given her conductor's recent comments about her playing, she definitely felt like she was starting to fall into the category. She wasn't sure what happened. The conductor said she showed an excellent entrance performance, but soon afterward it was like what made her alive and stood out from the other applicants started to fade away the same way she herself felt like she did so many times before. Vanya couldn't explain it. Maybe getting the spot ruined her ambition? Maybe being so alone in her life? Either way, she was scared to play for Five. After she got better in the violin, Five was something of her supporter. He always claimed she was good, and very often wanted her to play for him explaining that classical music helped with mathematical thinking. She was happy someone actually enjoyed her playing not to mention glad she could help him somehow. So if she really had gotten worse, the last person she wanted to play for was Five right now.

After they ate up, Vanya watched as Five went to pick up his black bag and go through his things. She briefly wondered if she should go and see what he had there, but since he didn't come to show her, it felt rude and like she was violating his privacy, so she brushed her curiosity off. Instead, she got to the cleaning of the living room and then picking up a book. Things she would fill her time with on a weekend.

When Five came back to the living room and asked her what she usually did, she was a bit self-aware about introducing him to her Netflix and HBO GO, but he didn't seem in any way judgment about her lack of hobbies.

He sat with her through some shows very interested in Killing Eve which surprised her.

They made dinner afterward. Neither of them was much of a cook, but again Five said he had worse. However, it didn't make her feel better at all.

He helped her with the dishes for a moment pausing which made Vanya wonder if he didn't space out again only to start with a strange expression on his face. She was desperate to know what it meant and what was going on inside his mind.

'You alright?' she asked softly.

Five nodded his expression still odd and eyes hurt actually hurt which made Vanya want to reach out and hug him again, 'I forgot.'

'How to wash the dishes?' she asked blinking at his hand, which were motionless over the sink.

'It's been a while since I had to. That's all.'

'No dad around to claim it would help save the world?' she asked hoping to lighten up.

He replied with a short smirk, but it wasn't genuine. Just something to humor her attempt. Five at least tried. He always tried not to make her feel weird or like a total loser in their family.

They carried on in silence not sure what to talk about. She still wanted to ask about what happened to him. But given his previous reaction and her outburst she held it in. With the pills, she was sure she would take it better but still didn't feel brave enough to ask anymore.


'You could sleep on the bed,' Vanya told him, as she prepared the couch for him. She was pretty sure Five was too tall for her couch. He seriously grew a lot which was still a bit adjustment to her whenever she was standing too close.

'I'll be fine,' he replied, and she tried to tell herself that he was an adult, and she shouldn't question his decisions.

She put the pillow on the couch watching it for a moment not sure what to say which wouldn't make her sound weird or desperate but would also point out please, still be here when I wake up.

When she felt his hand against the side of her head slowly pulling her to look at him she offered him a small smile.

'Thanks, Vanya,' he looked better now, calmer. Not as lost or too aware about everything. She hoped it helped that he was here. She hoped she helped him.

Her palm pressed against his chest.

'You're welcome,' she said feeling warmer inside seeing him like this. Just…better. She really wanted him to be better and not the scary image from before in the bathroom and when she first saw him.

Their hands fell away, and she pushed away any illogical disappointment her mind might produce and went to her room wishing him a good night.

It was still a bit strange, and she felt very self-aware and hyped as she changed her clothes and got to bed. She knew he was there. Really there. Behind her door. It wasn't a dream or fantasy she made up to cope with it all. Five was really back and close. Everything felt the same but wasn't and it was both amazing and scary for her.

She turned off her nightstand lamp and closed her eyes. She needed to sleep. She tried to tell herself this was no different than when Diego stayed with her, that Five was her brother too and he just came for visit and to live with her for an indefinite amount of time. She should have probably asked him about that though. If he didn't want to tell her what he had been up to it was fine, but she should have asked what his plans were. He didn't want to get involved with dad yet which was good, but apart from that…

Vanya really needed to turn off her brain and get some rest. She wouldn't be able to figure this out tonight without Five's input either way.

She let out a sighed forcing herself to accept that and just be glad that Five was here alive and safe now. The rest will find a way to result itself.


Vanya felt confused when she woke up. She wasn't sure why, but she did as she rolled to her side and tried to slowly crack one eye open to look around. Was it time for work already?

It was dark around her. It was still night or early morning.

She rolled to the other side and checked her alarm clock.

It was early. Too early. She never woke up this early even when she slept the whole previous day because she just didn't feel like getting up.

Just then she remembered about Five and got up having a bad feeling about it.

She opened the door as carefully as possible already trying to come up with an excuse if he caught her. She didn't want him to assume she was smothering him or anything. She just wanted to make sure he was alright.

Vanya carefully tiptoed to the living room but paused once she noticed that the couch was empty. Her heart dropped. Was it a dream? The blanket and pillow were still there so no.

He left.

He probably didn't have a choice or maybe he just didn't know how to say goodbye.

So he just… left.

Of course, he left. Did she expect him to stay forever in her living room? He probably had things to do, and she just served her purpose as giving him a place to stay for a while. That was fine…whatever.

She never told him to stay, and he never said he how long he would.

She grimaced at herself pushing the pain which was slowly creeping inside her heart to a different darker corner. She needed her pills.

The wooden floor in her bedroom let out a small crack as she was on her way to her bathroom cabinet to take her pills before she paused in the track.

She found Five on the floor. He was on the other side of her bed opposite from the door and from the looks of it asleep. His head was lying on his arm and from time to time he trembled like he was cold. He looked so at peace it caused Vanya to once again realize how stressed and alerted he was when he was awake. Even when they spoke and joked his eyes sometimes shifted around the room whenever they heard a noise from the outside or became a bit unfocused whenever he must have gone into that place he did when they were in the bathroom. It wasn't good. He wasn't well.

She was confused. Did he sleepwalk? Did he have a nightmare or another episode?

He could have wake her up. Maybe he just didn't know how or didn't want to disturb her. Still, he didn't leave her. He stayed. He stayed close to her.

Vanya grabbed her pillow and blanket and lied down behind him carefully not to wake him up putting her arms around him and the blanket over them. He was warm and alive and in her arms. He was safe. Whatever he had to go through, now he was safe, and as long as he wanted to stay Vanya would gladly let him and keep him close. It was all she ever wanted. To be helpful. To fit somehow into the puzzle of their family, the academy. She couldn't do anything her siblings could, but she could care for and help Five whatever way he needed to. She would do anything he wanted to. Anything to make him feel better, get better.

She buried her face against his neck. She was getting familiar with his scent and breathing again. It lullabied her sleep faster than she would have thought.

It's okay, Five. I got you.


A.N:Hey, I hope everyone is alright and doing okay. Thank you for reading and the support as always. Have a nice day.