Chapter 50
In the minutes before the attack as Meggie watched her men prepare for battle there was something inside her that made her numb. She could feel her heart beating, feel an adrenaline-fueled anticipation lacing itself through the fabric of her veins, and in that moment, she wasn't sure she'd ever be ready for this. In her mind, Meggie could keep telling herself that she was ready, but some inner angel standing on her shoulder kept telling her not to do this. And yet when she raised her eyes to where her men were waiting there was one thing she knew as well. That there was no going back, and she looked solely to her men for guidance on how to begin this night. In this they were her guide as she watched them line each car up at the edge of the village and when the time came the headlights came on. They illuminated the village, waking the inhabitants, and then she followed them with strong steps to the kill.
"Time to make you proud, my king" whispered Meggie in that moment unable to feel the ax in her hand as it lay over her shoulder ready to be used the screams and gunfire ringing solid in her ears from its very beginning as the soft smell of death and gun powder filled the air in an all too pleasant way. That scent of gun powder with dirt as it too lifted into the air nearly brought tears to her eyes.
"It smells like him" thought Meggie as she walked the chaos all around her something making her far too tempted to close her eyes to breath in the same scent that was him; she gave into temptation. When she opened her eyes there was no more thinking to be done. Meggie didn't really think about who her first victim would be. She had planned on merciless killing that night, but not who or when or where or anything about that killing at all. That victim came to her though as she was walking that chaos with the smell of fire beginning to fill her nostrils. It was a woman who didn't realize who she was stumbling to for help. Who grabbed Meggie's hand in search of rescue the breath of a word that sounded like help on her lips? When Meggie first looked at her victim, she couldn't deny the second of guilt-ridden pity that filled her for this creature, but that left her with a quick movement as her weapon left the place over her shoulder. She lifted the ax in her two hands suddenly standing before this woman her own eyes daring to look right into those of her victim. That didn't last though as she approached the woman as if to help her and with a decisive swing, Meggie took the woman's head off. That thrumming was still in her veins as the woman's body fell and her head rolled to hit her feet.
When it hit her foot, Meggie kicked it away as she made her way through the chaos using her knives to carve her mark into her victims.
"I think I might like this" whispered Meggie as her fifth victim fell to the wayside her heart beating in its own excitement, but when she turned her heart stopped just as quickly. She hadn't been paying enough attention. She hadn't seen the man coming towards her, she was too high on the drug that this night was letting her experience for the first time, and so when her back hit the ground all the air stored in her lungs left in one second. The man was on top of her now, looking down at her, and even as she could feel her blades fly a few feet away so too could she feel the handle of her ax there waiting to be swung. Meggie felt the wind fly from her lungs as she looked into a stranger's eyes as they burned with rage. Meggie didn't really know what to do in that moment as those eyes accused her of the crimes, she was guilty of. That man's hands grabbed her, holding her hair and her skull strongly in his hands as he slammed what he held into the ground once then twice as Meggie tried to regain control of the situation.
As he did, she couldn't help the daze that filled her eyes. She treated it like a mask as her hands worked to push him away. As one hand pushed at him though, Meggie was always highly aware of the one blade she still had pinned to her belt, and as one hand hit this man who dared to lay his hands on her now, Meggie let the other hand reach for that blade. She took ahold of that blade that man's eyes on her still as he drove her skull into the ground one final time. Meggie let him have that one last blow though as she prepared her blade to end his life.
"Die cagna" exclaimed the man as he served that last blow to her, but he didn't live to speak another word, his head bowing in that moment to look at his prey, and then Meggie made her first move towards her own rescue and his demise as she stuck that blade to the hilt in his belly. He dropped her head roughly against the ground in response. He looked down at her still, there was shock registered on his face, but then she watched as it morphed to rage. Meggie knew then that he would try to strike another blow, but she didn't let him as she let her blade exit his belly before replacing it again then again until looking into his eyes the whole time, she decided to change directions.
Meggie brought the blade to slash through his throat next and as blood spilled across her face then down her neck into her cleavage, Meggie felt powerful. His hands went to his neck as if he could stop what was happening to him, but that did nothing as Meggie pushed him off of her to lay on the ground just beside her. Meggie found in that moment that she couldn't stop looking at him as he gurgled in his final moments. She lay on her elbows watching him die and when he was dead only then did she allow herself to look away. That was when her eyes went to the blade in her hand now covered in cherry red blood that dripped from the steel onto the ground. She liked the feeling of her victims' blood on her. She wished Capricorn could have seen her now though she knew too that it would have given him a momentary heart attack just before the pride overpowered that. That was when Meggie allowed herself to straddle her dead victim, the one who had gotten closer to killing her then all the others, and with a smile she watched the fear that had frozen onto his face in death. It was beautiful, but she knew what would be more beautiful still as she started the first beginnings of her name as she brought her blade to his forehead. When she was done, Meggie kissed both his cheeks her red lipstick leaving its imprint, and when Meggie walked away, she was smiling. Because no one would be able to miss it. They would all know who killed him and that brought her the first joy she'd felt since Capricorn had been gone as she walked through the chaos again looking for her next victim. She liked it, no loved it, it was just as Capricorn had always described, and for the first time she felt like his true queen as she remembered the sight of her name carved into that man's face.
"I am Capricorn's true queen" whispered Meggie feeling giddy as the rest of the night played out. She always worried that this was the aspect of his life that Meggie would never be able to touch, but now here she stood. She was killer and no longer the victim that her father had made her. She was the one with the weapon in her hand making all these people scared. Capricorn had picked her up when she was broken and afraid and taught her how to be a woman. He had made her his love and showed her how to love. Without him, Meggie knew she would still be that little girl under the thrall of her father, and she loved him all the more in that moment for making her who she was. When she saw him next, she swore to tell him that among other things as the chaos slowly started to come to its close around her.
"I wish Capricorn were here" thought Meggie, it was a thought she found she had every day, and though she had thought this one would be different she was glad it wasn't for as she sat in one of their cars afterward enjoying the blood that covered her, Meggie had never missed him more.
"You should be proud, my lady, you were magnificent" said a guard, his voice low as were his eyes. Meggie didn't look at him as she sat with her eyes closed her heart beating in time with the thrall of the silence around her. She didn't even know if she would answer him until opening her eyes there was only that same stillness in them. She looked out the window, seeing her husbands face in the darkness reflected there, but she also saw her own face. It was covered in blood, so were her hands and her throat and every inch of visible skin. She never would have thought the sight of blood would make her smile, but in that moment it did as she brought her hand to smear the red over her face before bringing the first of ten fingers to her lips. The guards heard the sucking noise before they saw her clean her fingers of the blood, but when she was done their queen only smiled at them as she looked the guard who had addressed her directly in the eye.
"I enjoyed myself very much. We will be doing this many more times…I didn't even have to use the gun you gave me. This may have been the most exciting night of my life" exclaimed Meggie a thrill running her heartbeat now as she looked out the window once more as they drove for a place to make camp. She had her own tent that night, yet Meggie found as she laid in it alone that it still felt too big for her. There was an excitement in her to tell Capricorn of this night, but also a shiver of something beyond that. Because she knew he wouldn't approve of what had taken place here at first, but Meggie had needed this night. She had needed to prove to herself that she was meant to be the woman standing by his side and this night had proven that to her. Yet there were other things she needed to tell him that made her heart jump and her stomach flip. There were times when she wanted to vomit at the thought of the things, she had to tell him and others when she felt something that was a little less then joy, but tonight she honestly didn't know how to feel.
She found herself thinking of Capricorn as she laid in a tent that she imagined was similar to the one he was in now. She had wanted him with her tonight. To slice into that man as he looked on in his way. Meggie longed for him in so many ways, not just sexually or emotionally, but because she needed him sometimes. All the time really, because he made her feel like she wasn't lesser even as she felt that way almost all the time, but tonight that feeling had left her altogether. It had made her feel the way Capricorn always did and, in that moment, she wished more than anything that she could talk to him now.
"I should have made time to write to him" thought Meggie, her journal which was their only tie in their days of separation left back at the castle mostly because she hadn't believed there would-be time to open it to write to him.
"What if every word I have to write him…to tell him angers him? What if I lose him over my actions tonight and the news of what is to come?" thought Meggie, her mind running over with images of the words he would send back to her in the rage he would feel and at the mere thought of it, Meggie unconsciously brought both hands to cradle her stomach. There was a nauseous thrill there that she wanted to blame on the aftershocks of the night she had had. That wasn't it though and she knew it. Meggie couldn't deny that that thrill was something that both frightened her and excited her as much as it made her long for Capricorn. The news she had, she felt, was news best told to him as she looked him in the eye, but that choice was not hers. She had never been more aware of that.
"If only the doctor were in any condition to tell me if I'm overthinking this or maybe I could find someone else to tell me that way I could know for sure" thought Meggie her thoughts zooming in a maze of uncertainty as she thought of the different outcomes she was facing and the consequences they would lead her to.
"And if it's true…I will have to do this all on my own until my husband finds his way back to me" thought Meggie, the thought scaring her more then she cared to admit as she tried to steady her breathing in the midst of the beginnings of a panic. Because the truth was Meggie didn't know what she wanted any of the outcomes to the situation to be. All she could think about was Capricorn and the problem her suspicions could have. Of the future and her fear of doing any of it alone. It made it so she couldn't sleep that night and yet she couldn't cry over what might be coming because she really didn't know how to feel about it. She didn't know what Capricorn wanted or thought. She felt completely in the dark as she considered her fate in the months that were to follow. They had never discussed children. Not even after they'd lost the one at the hands of their parents. They had never considered whether her carrying another was in their future and yet now it could be happening all the same. She had never thought of having his children and yet now if she did, she would do it alone, for years maybe if he took that long to find his way back to her. She thought of Capricorn and she wanted to see his face if she was indeed with his child again.
She wanted to know if a child was even in his frame of mind now or if the time would be wrong to bring a child into this world. The thought kept Meggie from sleeping and when the sun rose, Meggie acted as if nothing had happened, as if nothing was wrong. Yet as they drove to their next village, Meggie couldn't draw her mind from the subject, and she still felt sick about it. Because she didn't know what she wanted or what he wanted or what should be done. She didn't know what she should do.
