Chapter 55
When Capricorn had closed his eyes, the potion working to reunite him with the woman that he loved, he had felt the weight that he carried laying heavy on his shoulders, but when his eyes opened again there had been a substantial change. Another weight seemed to be added to all the rest now. It weighed on him more then anything else ever had and yet, he worked hard not to show it as he exited his tent to rejoin the cause that had brought him back to the Inkworld. Everything Meggie had said was weighing there and yet, he found he couldn't say it. He couldn't say that Meggie was with child, yet he didn't know why even as he did.
"What if saying it out loud ruins it all, just as it was ruined before, and yet the words are there all the same. The woman I love is carrying my child. I am to be a father. It all seems too incomprehensible to be true" thought Capricorn his heart seeming to race at the thought even as he remembered the look of her when he had seen her last.
Because last time this news had come with the possibility of losing Meggie and in the end, they had lost that child to the hands of her father and his mother.
Just the thought of history repeating kept Capricorn from revealing the truth to anyone. He left his tent that day without appearing to have any change. He showed his inner secrets to no one, not Basta or Gemini, and especially not his mother or Silvertongue. They were the last people he wanted to receive the news, for he wouldn't risk any harm coming to Meggie or the child she carried. He would never let any harm come to her at all, not ever again, but he never dwelled on that as their camp was torn down again so they could start out on the road. Capricorn was always silent on the road, but today, more so. He liked the ride, be it slow or a quick brisk movement through the trees, he found his thoughts moved freely as he rode, and this was no different. He looked at the people all around him, Basta with Silvertongue roped to his side, and Gemini just behind him with their mother riding at the back of the caravan. Yet, Capricorn felt the secrets he kept from all of them as well. Secrets that he knew could not remain so forever, especially the latest, which part of him longed to boast of even as another feared the result.
"Silence may be my great gift" thought Capricorn as the road moved him into a soft lull as he kept picturing Meggie as she had looked in his arms not hours ago his mind forcing him to wonder if she would still look this way when he saw her next.
That all he thought of was Meggie and the child she carried and that he wanted to be there with her. He wanted to watch her grow large and to notice the way her skin started to glow.
"I want to feel her beautiful wrath as she brings our child forth, to pace around waiting for whatever is to come, and greet her in the birthing chamber to the sight of her nursing a little babe at her breast. I don't want to come home to a child born, or to no Meggie at all. I don't want to miss my time with her, but I also refuse to disappoint her by coming home a failure. No choice is much of one at all" thought Capricorn suddenly regretting his choice to come here, for now it seemed he might pay the ultimate price as the future seemed to play out before his eyes.
With a few short words from Meggie, everything had changed, and whatever priorities that had existed within his mind were now suddenly inconsistent. Before, when all he had wanted was to be a king, not just in one, but both worlds, now there was more. He wanted Meggie by his side, he wanted their child to know him as its father, but one dream seemed to be preventing the other. For somehow, he sensed that he would not be with his wife at her most crucial moment. Instead, he would be where he was now, and that thought didn't settle anything within him. Instead, he was a soldier trying to expand his kingdom, and he didn't know how long that would take which worried him even more.
"What if I miss it all. What if I am not there to share a life with Meggie, a life with our child, and I betray them both. Meggie will never forgive me, I know, she won't" thought Capricorn, picturing a future where he returned to a wife bitter with resentment, and a child who failed to recognize him as its father.
Meggie had always forgiven him even at the worst times. When he had shown her his beastly side, she had reacted, but forgiven him. She had remained by him despite whatever he asked of her, but he wasn't sure if she could forgive this. If he abandoned her forever for the sake of this conquest, she would wait on him, but forever would be too long of that he was certain. Meggie was the one thing he needed and losing her was something he couldn't risk. He knew he had to move up everything they were doing, for Meggie, for their child, and build his kingdom before it risked him everything, he held most dear.
Capricorn was so absorbed in these thoughts that he didn't notice Gemini move to ride beside him in the caravan. She was silent as she watched him and when he turned only to see her there, Capricorn knew she sensed the discontent in him. She seemed to look into his eyes and know that there was a something weighing on him more then anything else ever had and instantly, he longed to tell her. For Gemini, of all people had always been his secret keeper.
"How was your time with your wife?" said Gemini there was no malice in her voice, yet she did not look at him.
He honestly didn't know how to confide in her, especially concerning Meggie, after what had passed between the two of them. They had never fought so severely before, but no one had ever stood between them to the extent that Meggie did. Gemini was his councilor, his sister, and his guide. Meggie was his wife, she would be mother to his children, and his queen. Her influence had far outreached his sister and Capricorn sensed that Gemini knew this just by the fight she had put up over him using the potion before. He had seen it in her words which spoke of her disrespect for the woman she failed to even know. He saw it more so now as he looked at her, her eyes refusing to meet his own at the mere mention of his queen, and even as he looked at her, he didn't know how to begin to tell her.
"What if this makes her hatred towards Meggie all the worse? What if this leads to Gemini trying to hurt her just as our mother did?" thought Capricorn, suddenly distrusting his sister in a way that he couldn't remember ever experiencing before.
This baby might be their last chance. After everything they had lost before, he didn't know if Meggie could survive the loss of another child or if another child would be possible if another baby was lost. If he told Gemini and she did something to hurt Meggie, he wouldn't be able to forgive her, and after what their mother had done, he knew Gemini had the magic in her possession to do far worse. His indecision haunted him even as he looked at her feeling the wicked echo of the paste in the way she held herself now.
It bothered him until he blinked only to find that she was looking at him now.
"Meggie's reasons were sound for needing to see me. She had some news to share with me that was of the utmost importance" whispered Capricorn everything still playing uncertainly in his head.
Yet, at the same time, he kept seeing Meggie, not as she had been when he'd seen her last, but as she'd been that day when their last child was taken. There had been so much blood on the floor that day. Her eyes had been glassy as she stared at him at the brink of death, but then he remembered the words the doctor had spoken when he left the throne room that day. He hadn't known he'd wanted a child with her until that moment, when one had been taken from them so suddenly, and only now as the prospect of being a father came upon him again did Capricorn truly realize how much he wanted to share this with her. He didn't want to lose this child, not like they had the last one, and that alone made him feel the need to tell Gemini the truth.
"I must find out if that potion could harm the baby, for no other reason, I must speak the truth to Gemini" thought Capricorn looking at her more distinctly now, for if not her, he would have to go to his mother, and that option was worse than the one before him now.
Gemini was his last option.
"Sister, the news that Meggie gave me, it is of the utmost importance that I speak with you. Alone, where no one can hear us, will you ride ahead with me?" said Capricorn not waiting for an answer as he separated himself from the others in the caravan.
Gemini looked after him then a look up misunderstanding glimmering in her eyes before she dared follow. He was not usually so vague in his word to her, but now there was no other way to be. This was not just about him, but about Meggie and a life more precious then any other. He wouldn't jeopardize it especially as he rode away from all who could ever deem to be a threat to him and his family.
She followed him immediately, neither of them stopping until the caravan was behind them, and they were alone mere miles from where the Adderheads castle resided. Capricorn immediately slowed into a trot and looking at Gemini, he found the words still stuck in his throat.
"What is it, brother" whispered Gemini, he suddenly took her hand then, and that was when she knew whatever he had to say was far bigger than she expected.
