I'm noticed a complete lack in feedback lately? Is everyone on vacation or do you guys just hate what I've done to my fic? Let me know. I'll try to fix any problems you have. I love you guys too much not to.

Chapter 21 – It's Only in My Head

Honda was signed out of the hospital at nine the next morning. His mother was waiting for him in front of the sign out desk. She looked better than the last time Honda had seen her. She had not been crying, but instead had a warm smile on her face, "How you feeling, Kiddo?" she kissed his cheek with a mother's gentle care. She looked a little skeptical about seeing Honda being wheeled out by a nurse.

Honda smiled back, "I'm great. Don't worry about the wheelchair. It's just so I don't trip and sue the hospital or something. I'm perfectly fine." It was true. He was feeling physically fine. However, his mind was having a harder time getting back to "fine". Jou was being operated on at that exact moment. Honda couldn't think of anything else.

"Well, I borrowed the neighbor's car so you wouldn't have to walk home in your condition. Let's go home, shall we?"

"Gee, Ma. You didn't have to do that." Honda felt a little embarrassed and a tad guilty for making his mother go to such lengths to make him comfortable.

"Nonsense." His mother said as she picked up his suitcase, "My job is to make sure you're in safe hands." She walked beside him as the nurse led Honda out the door in his wheelchair, making sure not to run over too many bumps in the sidewalk.

The drive home was quiet. Honda's mother did not bring up very much because of his condition. However, she didn't fail to notice the anxiety in her son's eyes, "Hiroto?" she gave that tone.

He shook his head, continuing his staring out the window, "It's nothing, Ma."

"Don't give me that." She said as she parked the car on the side of the road, "I'm not moving this car until you tell me what's wrong."

Honda looked over and said softly, "Jou's had an operation."

His mother's eyebrows rose, "Why didn't you tell me?" she immediately stepped on the pedal and turned the car back in the direction of the hospital, making other driver's honk their horns and give her rude gestures. She looked just as nervous as Honda, "What's wrong with him? Did something happen?"

Honda shrugged, "I don't know. All I know is that it's his heart. He had the operation earlier this morning."

They returned to the hospital and Honda's mother had barely parked when she opened the door, "Let's go, Hiroto!" she ran back inside and pushed the button for the elevator.

Honda was not surprised by her reaction. He was expecting her to act this way. He only followed and walked into the elevator, "Mom, please relax. I'm sure he's lying in his bed just fine."

"I'm sure you're right." She replied. The elevator reached their floor and they both walked out, "He's practically another son to me, you know? You two have been such great friends and I can't help but make sure he's safe too. You two are the world to me. I would never allow anything horrible to happen to either of you."

Honda put an arm around his mother as they down the low corridor that led to Jou's room. He was breathing a little easier now. His mother was right. They were one happy family. As they approached Jou's door, they noticed that it was already open. Were other people visiting too? Honda walked inside to see that there was no Jou lying in his bed. There were no flowers or "get well soon" balloons. Shizuka's smell was now replaced with vomit and iodine. Honda's body turned cold. A nurse was changing the bed sheets when she saw him. She asked, "Can I help you?"

Honda's mother was just as surprised as him, but she was able to speak, "Um yes. Is Jounouchi Katsuya staying in this room?"

"Jounouchi Katsuya?" The nurse had an innocent look on her face. She was suddenly grim, "Oh…I'm sorry. Mr. Jounouchi had his operation this morning. It was quite difficult. I hate to tell you such horrible news." She bowed with sympathy, "He didn't pull through." She stood up again, "Were you family?"

With the most expressionless face he could make, he nodded at her and responded with a, "Yes…yes we were."

x-x-x

Nothing could be said. Nothing could be done. Honda was practically dead to the world as well. He did not talk to anyone afterwards. His walk out of the hospital was robotic and habitual. His mother did not speak either. She was trying her best not to cry in front of her son. If he wasn't going to do it, she had no right to do so.

They got in the car and Honda choked out, "Seto."

Honda's mother looked over at him and asked in a whisper, "Seto?"

"Kaiba."

She had not been aware of anything that was going on in Honda's life so she knew nothing about Seto Kaiba's involvement with Jou or even Honda for that matter. She asked, "Seto Kaiba? The billionaire? What about him, Sweetie?"

"Take me to KaibaCorp. Right now." His turned to face her and she gasped from the intensity that pounced out at her through his eyes. She nodded quickly and said, "S-sure." Already driving, she turned the corner to go farther uptown. She knew where KaibaCorp was just as well as anyone else in Domino.

When they got there, Honda did not say goodbye to his mother. He climbed out of the car and started walking. He knew the way to where he wanted to go. He wanted to be nowhere else. He stood in the elevator, going up the thirty or more floors. At the top, he saw Hotaru for the last time, seeing at her desk with her head buried in her arms. He walked straight past her, not having anything to say. He shoved open the heavy doors of Kaiba's office and saw just who he thought he would.

There was Seto Kaiba, sitting in his office chair, staring at the computer screen, but the monitor was not on. Honda had expected no less. He ran over to the desk, jumped over the surface and wrapped in arms around the strong neck of his lover's, "Seto!" he cried as his tears finally came. He couldn't hold back his sorrow anymore, "Seto!"

The billionaire scooped the boy up in his arms, dry-eyed but still filled with sadness, "I know, Hiroto. I know."

"It's no fair!" Honda continued to scream. He pulled away from Kaiba and started to hit him out of desperation, "You said he'd be okay! You said there was nothing to worry about? What now, Seto! He's GONE! He's DEAD!" he wasn't hurting Kaiba, but his punches made him feel so much better. He had felt so lost, so stupid. All this time, he had been ignoring Jou; taking him for granted. Now that Jou was gone, Honda finally realized what he had been missing this whole time; his best friend. "I want my best friend back! BRING HIM BACK, SETO!"

Kaiba held Honda in, squeezing tightly. He waited until Honda had calmed and said softly, "I can't, Hiroto. You have to accept it for what it is."

"N-no. I can't do that." Honda choked out through his sobs. He clung to Kaiba's jacket with the same vulnerability Jou had had before his operation. He remembered that vulnerability and asked Kaiba, "This whole time…was he always that sick?"

"I guess he was. This whole time, I thought it was because he had a separation issue." Kaiba spoke as if he had been thinking about this for some time. "It turns out, he was just holding on to what he thought was important in life. I think he knew there wasn't much time left."

"Why didn't he tell me? Why didn't he tell any of us?" Honda continued to sob in Kaiba's lap. He couldn't stop. There was more to cry about than the loss of Jou. He just needed a good cry, a conclusion to all of the drama that seemed to never disappear from his life.

"I don't know. That's just the kind of person Jou is. He never wanted to burden anyone with his problems." Kaiba grabbed a tissue from his desk's drawer and handed it to Honda, "Wipe your nose. You're going to make my jacket soggy."

Honda took the tissue and blew his nose. He didn't know what else to say. He watched Kaiba's eyes, seeing nothing but a curtain of blue; the shield that Kaiba would never take down. What could he be thinking? Honda asked himself. The billionaire looked as if he hadn't cried. If anything, he looked normal. Was Kaiba even the least bit upset? His boyfriend was gone forever and all he had done was sit in his office? Honda was beyond surprised. The man knew nothing of mourning.

"You don't feel the least bit upset?" Honda asked, throwing his used tissue away.

"Why should I?"

For some reason, Honda couldn't believe what was going on. There was something in Kaiba's eyes. Actually, to be honest, there was nothing in Kaiba's eyes. The image of his beautiful hero had faded and a stone cold CEO sat in his chair with an aura of death surrounding him. Honda got out of Kaiba's lap and backed away, "He loved you!" he shouted, "He loved you and you loved him!"

His stance was strong, "I don't love anyone."

Kaiba's words stopped Honda dead cold. After all they had done together and after all that has happened; Kaiba feels so love towards Honda. How can that be true? Honda asked himself, his stomach turning upside down, I'm such a freaking failure! He said quietly, "Why?"

Kaiba was not expecting such a tiny word to breathe out of Honda's mouth. He cleared his throat and said, "It's the way I am."

"Then change it. Fix it!" Honda cried, "You're horrible! I can't believe how empty you are!" tears that felt like ice went down his face. He had never felt a cooler tear. He thought they were pure and able to clean the cloud that was in front of Honda's eyes. He now could see. He was wrong. He walked over to the door and opened it, looking over his shoulder at Kaiba. He shook his head, saying softly, "You're dead to me." And he closed to door with a soft click.

He walked out of KaibaCorp and didn't look back. He didn't wave at any of his old coworkers and didn't speak a word as he hit the sidewalk in uptown Domino City. He looked left and right, seeing the crowds up people and smelling the smog of urban atmosphere. He couldn't stand it. The racing cars looked so inviting. He had done it once before. There was nothing stopping him from doing it again.

No. There's so way to be sure that I'll actually die.

"There's no such thing as a sure thing." Honda mumbled to himself as he shoved his hands in his pockets. He began to walk away from the building of KaibaCorp for the last and final time. His head was filled but he couldn't make out what was in it. It was all jumbled together, static being made because of all of the commotion. Honda didn't think much as he walked a couple blocks. He finally found himself at Otogi's apartment. A light was on and Honda's heart filled with sorrow. Otogi did not know yet.

He knew what he had to do. He knocked lightly on the door and waited. Otogi opened the door, a bit shocked to see the other boy standing there, "Honda?"

Honda nodded, "Otogi." His face gave his mood away.

The boy with the black hair frowned, "Honda? Honda, Sweetie, are you alright?"

Honda shook his head, "Otogi." He held the other boy tight just in case he collapsed from the news, "It's Jou."

"What about Jou?" Otogi was confused by the sudden affection but embraced him back.

"He's…" Honda began to sob again, "gone, Otogi."

"Gone? What do you mean gone? He's perfectly fine. I was just talking to him a couple days ago." Otogi began to shake a little in his voice as well as his body.

Honda only held Otogi tightly, "He's dead and he won't ever come back, Otogi! I'm so sorry! I'm sorry!"

Otogi's legs turned into jelly as he was held tight, "Don't say things like that, Honda! It's not funny." He cried into Honda's shoulder.

"I wish I was lying to you, Otogi." Honda whispered softly. He sat down on the floor, holding Otogi in his lap. The two of them cried, Honda was silent but Otogi's sobs were muffled by Honda's jacket. In the middle of the front doorway, the door was wide open for the world to see. The two boys sat there with nothing to say at the other people that lived in the apartment passed by. They didn't want to speak, but the same thoughts ran through their minds; How could this be happening?

x-x-x

That be the end of chapter 21 everybody. I'm totally getting flamed for this. Thanks for all of your feedback.