It was the day before Lizzie's birthday, and we sat in English class together, me half listening, her taking very careful notes about Julius Caesar. I was glad our teacher had chosen that play. I had almost been forced to read Romeo and Juliet. Gross! I mean its one thing to experience that sort of thing, but to read about it? Yechh, how bored could you be? Our teacher was reading that famous line "Beware the Ides of March" and I asked her what the Ides were. She said it was a term for the middle of the month. The Ides of March were March 15th. Lizzie made careful attention to put in her notes that her birthday was in part of a Shakespearean quote. It must be a girl thing. I was trying not to think about tomorrow. I had no idea what was going to happen. Well, I knew, I mean, I planned it! But the end result? It could go well or horribly.
It was the night of my birthday party. Our family (as in Mom, Casey, and me) had had a tradition for my birthday that I would get dressed up like it was my prom or something, and we'd listen to music, go out for my favorite meal, come back home, eat birthday cake and open presents. Now we were incorporating my new family into our tradition. We'd gotten through dinner okay, and were back home. Mom brought out a gorgeous cake baked and decorated by Casey (another of her million talents) and lit twelve candles. As I prepared to blow them out Mom said "Make a wish Lizzie!" And that thought I'd kept having about wanting Edwin to kiss me briefly ran through my head, but I pushed it away and wished that Casey and Derek could stop fighting for a whole week instead. We ate the cake and now it was time for presents. Mom and George got me some new rollerblades, which I had totally needed, since outgrowing my old ones. Derek gave me permission to kick him out of the bathroom if I wanted in there twelve times, one for each year of my life. This was actually quite an impressive gift from him. Marti had drawn me some sort of picture with me in a princess dress and a cat (which I assumed was her) which I put on my bulletin board. Casey gave me a new diary. Now it was Edwin's turn. He handed me a small box. I opened it and found a note. "Meet me upstairs in the attic after the party. My present for you is there." Mystery notes from the boy I knew so well? In giving me my present in secret, I felt he was only making our friendship stronger. We ended my party by playing my special birthday song, just like every year. And of course, it was even better this year. Edwin got into the music just as much as I did. He loved 70's folk music as much as I did, probably more, while everyone else thought we were nuts for liking such old music. And just like me, the Tapestry album, by Carole King, has always been his favorite.
My life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hues
An everlasting vision of the ever changing view
A wondrous woven magic in bits of blue and gold
A Tapestry to feel and see, impossible to hold
The song is reflective, even a little sad, but it, to me, anyway, is the perfect birthday song.
After it ended, I was given permission not to help clean up, since it was my birthday. I stopped in my room and looked in the mirror as if something were about to change and I wanted to see my old self before a new one was born. I tried to tell myself it was just a birthday thing, but truthfully, I had never done that before. Somehow I knew whatever it was Edwin had for me in the attic, was going to change the dynamic of our relationship. I don't know how I knew it, except maybe from the look he gave me when I looked up from his note. Well here goes nothing. And I started up the stairs to the attic.
I heard steps at the bottom of the stairs leading to my room. This was it, everything was riding on this. I had started with my room. Living in the attic definitely had its upsides. I was up here with the Christmas decorations, and I had strung the twinkly tree lights all around my room. Then I had somehow managed to get Casey to let me borrow her disco ball without too many questions, and I'd hung that from the ceiling. Once she made sure it wasn't for Derek she'd given it up without much of a fight. So long as she's keeping him unhappy, she doesn't really care what I do. I'd also actually made my bed for once, and gotten all my clutter put away or threw out. I plugged in the lights, but turned them off; making sure the room was totally dark. Lizzie knocked and I answered. She seemed a bit taken aback by the darkness, but then I flipped the switch and the room flooded in soft colored lights. You could tell that had earned me a gold star. She just sighed and said "Oh Ed!" like I'd done something really spectacular, and who knows, maybe I had. Then I pressed play on my stereo and our favorite song from the Tapestry album filled the room. Not the one from the party, a different one. She just grinned. What I did next I'm pretty sure shocked her. "Would you care to dance, Liz?" I said it all cheesy like they do in all those foreign movies. She just stood there for a moment, not moving, and I heard a quick gasp of breath before she wordlessly moved into my arms and we began to dance like we were the only people on earth.
When you're down, and troubled,
And you need some love and care
And nothing, nothing is going right
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest night
You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again
Winter, spring, summer, or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there, you've got a friend
If the sky above you
Grows dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind begins to blow
Keep your head together
And call my name out loud
Soon, you'll hear me knocking at your door
You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again
Winter, spring, summer, or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there, yes I will
Now ain't it good to know that you've got a friend
When people can be so cold?
They'll hurt you, yes and desert you
And take your soul if you let them
Oh, but don't you let them
You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running, running yeah, yeah
To see you again
Winter, spring, summer, or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there, yes I will
You've got a friend
You've got a friend
Ain't it good to know?
You've got a friend
Ain't it good to know?
Ain't it good to know?
Ain't it good to know?
You've got a friend
Oh, yeah now
You've got a friend
Yeah, baby, you've got a friend
Oh, yeah
You've got a friend
When Lizzie first moved in, she was very bummed about the move, and she kept playing this CD over and over. The first time I came down from my new attic retreat (at the time I had been thinking that living in the attic would just isolate me more, boy was I wrong) and heard the music I loved so well I'd just known Lizzie and I would become friends. I'd knocked on her door and asked her to come to my new room and I showed her my copy, told her I'd worn out five other copies, which she giggled at, and I think that was our very first friendly moment. Even though we loved other folk music, in the ten months since she's been here, we've worn out three more copies of this, our favorite album, listening together. Once the song was over we let the disc play through and lay on our stomachs, our feet moving in the air, propped up on our elbows, on my bed. It was our thing, chatting for hours about anything and everything, up here in my attic room, where nothing could get to us. Marti was afraid of the attic, and everyone else was old enough to know to respect our privacy, so the only time anyone came up here was to let us know dinner was ready. Everyone in the house, it seemed, had gotten very used to this. So when Nora knocked on the door just now I almost jumped out of my skin. I opened the door, and she seemed pleased that I had thought of something so special for my best friend. "Lizzie, you have school tomorrow, you kids need to get to bed." After Lizzie dutifully replied and I could tell Nora had left I caught Lizzie as she was going out the door. I wasn't sure if I should do this, but I would probably never rest if I didn't, and I pulled her into a clumsy hug. Tears were coming down both our faces, for some reason, and I said she'd saved my life when she'd moved in, that I wouldn't have a best friend if it weren't for her. And then I kissed her. It was my first kiss, not horrible, not perfect, somewhere in between, but just what a first kiss should be. It wasn't very long or anything, but she seemed to respond to it. And as quickly as it was over she bolted down the stairs as if she were afraid to stay a single second longer.
Last night was magical. I mean my birthday party had been nice and all, but it was Edwin's surprise for me that had made me feel as if I were living a fairy tale. I'd always said he always knew how to make me happy, but that was just general best friendly duties. Last night was amazing. And then the kiss…just what I'd secretly been hoping for and so much more magical than I'd thought it would be. So why was I so sad? Because since breakfast, he hasn't said a word to me, and he's seen me in four classes? Because he keeps looking at me like he made huge mistake? Or because I don't feel comfortable around him since he seems so uncomfortable around me? I knew it. I knew that us kissing could wreck everything. But I wished so hard. And for the first time in my life I caught a glimpse of what it was like to be Casey and Derek's age. A bit of understanding. And I understood it was the worst thing in the world.
