Fred came to get me at the Leaky Cauldron close to five o'clock on Saturday. I kept myself from asking any questions until he had led me downstairs and to the back of the pub. We stopped next to the entrance to Diagon Alley and Fred turned to me. "We're going to need to Apparate, but I just need to make a stop first."
"Where are we going?" I asked quietly, noticing he seemed slightly jittery. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"I'm fine," he assured me. "I'm just anxious to get going. Like I said, I'm going to lose my nerve if I don't do this one thing soon."
I didn't say anything as he tapped his wand against the bricks of the wall beside us and they began to shift out of the way. I wanted to say something. I wanted to ask him what was going on, but he was insisting on being so elusive. I didn't know whether I should be worried or not, but that didn't stop me from feeling worried anyway. Not to mention confused.
The two of us made our way halfway down Diagon Alley before Fred stoped and pulled open the door to a shop on our left. A florist. I raised an eyebrow as he gestured for me to go in first. He followed me inside and walked around the shop, carefully inspecting each arrangement and bouquet.
"I wasn't expecting you to bring me flowers, you know," I blurted out awkwardly, after silently following him around the shop for a few moments.
Fred snorted. "I know. Besides, don't you think if I were going to get you flowers, I'd have bought them before showing up to get you?"
"No," I answered with a slight roll of my eyes. "Taking me in here with you to buy them is exactly something you'd do."
Fred smiled and let out a laugh. "You make me out to be so tactless," he said.
I shrugged as I shot him a teasing smile. "Sometimes you can be. But I like you anyway."
Fred gave me another smile before he reached out and selected a lovely bouquet of wildflowers in various shades of purple, yellow and white. I thought he was going to go pay for them right away, but he then stopped and selected another bouquet that was made up of sunflowers. Now I was really confused.
I watched as Fred paid for the two bouquets and then followed him as he stepped away from the counter.
"This one is for you," he said, passing me the bouquet of wildflowers with a smile.
"Thanks, they're beautiful," I said, bringing the bouquet to my nose as we headed out of the shop, the bell above the door jingling merrily as we left. I eyed the other bouquet in Fred's hand warily. "What about that one? Got another hot date after this?" I commented lightly. It was a nervous reflex to get some answers while trying to make light of the situation. I vaguely wondered if that was how Fred operated all the time. Trying to diminish any negative emotion with a joke to make the situation at least feel somewhat better.
"Not quite," Fred said with a tight smile. I could see that look in his eyes again—the distant one he'd had when I first met him.
I sighed and lowered the flowers from my face with a frown. "Fred, please talk to me," I whispered. "You're kind of scaring me."
He leaned down and lightly kissed me before pulling away just a bit. "I know and I'm sorry," he said, before going in for one more quick kiss. "Come on." He pulled back and took my hand.
I stayed where I was. "Tell me what's going on," I said quietly. It was a demand, but I kept my voice gentle as I looked up at him. "Why do you seem so upset? Why did you buy two bouquets and where are we going?"
"It's easier for me if I just show you at this point," Fred said. He paused. "Please just trust me, okay?"
He was looking at me so desperately that I found myself falling quiet again. I nodded and he leaned in for one more kiss on the forehead before turning on the spot and Apparating. When we came to a stop and I had opened my eyes again, my breath came out in a whoosh. We were at the gates of a cemetery.
Fred began leading me through the gates and up the main pathway and suddenly I knew what we were doing and I also suddenly realized how utterly insensitive every comment I'd made at the flower shop was.
"Fred," I said, tugging on his hand as I came to a stop. My chest felt tight as I looked up at him. "Everything I said back there...I'm so sorry. I didn't realize—I was trying to diffuse the tension, but I must have sounded like such a—"
Fred shook his head and cut me off by squeezing my hand a little tighter. "It's okay, you didn't know. And that's my fault because I didn't tell you. I should have, but I couldn't." He swallowed. "I guess I was afraid to say it out loud. And I think some part of me worried that if I asked you to come, you'd say no. And I needed you here. I couldn't do this alone."
"Fred, of course I would have said yes," I told him. "All you ever needed to do is ask. All you ever need to do is talk to me. I was more concerned about the way you were behaving and not knowing why you were behaving that way than the fact that you wanted to come here. I'm glad you wanted to come here, actually. I think it's a good thing."
Fred nodded solemnly. "I hope so," he said. "But for some reason, I'm still terrified."
My expression softened as I squeezed his hand and stepped closer to him. "I know. But it'll be okay. I'm not going anywhere and we don't have to stay long. The moment you want to leave, we can leave."
Fred nodded again and took in a deep breath before he turned and continued to lead me down the path. We walked for a little while longer before Fred took a right off the path and led us down a row of headstones until we reached the very end. We stopped a few feet from the last gravestone in the row, the one closest to the black iron fence, and Fred gazed over at it warily as he dropped my hand and took a small step forward.
"I haven't been here since we buried him," he whispered. He gripped the sunflower bouquet in both of his hands. "I remember one time when we were kids—Percy was probably about twelve, I was ten—the crazy prat would not shut up about sunflowers. They were his fascinating topic of the week. He always bounced from topic to topic and wouldn't shut up about them for days. He'd find something that fascinated him and would not let it go. He'd learn everything he could about it. That week it happened to be sunflowers. He rambled on all through dinner about them until George and I asked Mum if she would just turn him into a sunflower and save us all from misery. She told us off and I think she's forgotten about it now, but—"
"But you haven't," I said.
Fred shook his head. He suddenly resembled a little boy, the way he was standing there, holding the bouquet tightly in front of him and staring ahead at the grave, his eyes wide, sad, and a little scared.
"Go on," I whispered. "I'll be right behind you."
I pulled my jacket tighter around me in the chilly November air as Fred slowly made his way closer to the headstone and I followed until we were standing right in front of it.
Percy Ignatius Weasley
August 22nd, 1976–May 2nd, 1998
We cannot be sure of having something to live for, unless we are willing to die for it.
"I didn't know that quote was chosen until the burial," Fred said. "I hated it at the time. It made me feel worse. I wanted to smash the entire headstone to bits, but the only thing that stopped me was that I knew Mum would only be more heartbroken than she already was." He paused. "Although I broke her heart in other ways after that, so..."
"You don't hate it anymore?" I asked. "The quote?"
Fred shook his head. "He died for a lot of things, not just me. He died fighting for what was right. He died fighting for what he truly believed, even if it took him a while to realize just what exactly he believed. And then, yes, he did die for me. But not just me, you know? Like I said. We were all fighting to live a life without You-Know-Who in control. That's ultimately what he died fighting for. He just happened to save my life in the process."
I was silent as Fred took the last few stops forward and crouched down, laying one hand on the top of the headstone, and setting down the flowers at the base of it with his other hand. Then, he traced over the letters in Percy's name, one by one. All was quiet as the sun continued to set, its weak wintery light shining through the trees, glinting off the fence beside us, and even illuminating the color of the sunflowers lying at Percy's grave, making them seem even more vibrant in color.
A moment later, Fred sank to his knees and ran his hand over his jaw. I saw his shoulders shake and heard a sniffle. I considered keeping my distance for a moment before deciding against it and stepping forward. I knelt down beside him and placed a hand on his back, gently rubbing small circles over the fabric of his coat. We stayed like that for a little longer until Fred sniffed again and composed himself, raising his head and swiping at his eyes.
"Sophie, meet Percy," he whispered with a watery chuckle. "And Percy, meet Sophie. I think you'd like her. She's quiet, unlike me and George. But she did bring her fair share of trouble along with her when she first showed up..." I let out a breath of laughter and nudged him as he let out a quiet laugh of his own. He looked over at me, smiled softly, and reached out to brush a piece of hair behind my ear. "And most importantly...I love her," he whispered.
I closed my eyes and let out a sigh as Fred leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my forehead.
"You really think Percy would like me?" I asked.
"Yeah," he nodded. "He'd actually probably wonder what some quiet girl with manners was doing with his terror of a younger brother."
I snorted. "Please, I was a complete mess when you met me. I'm still kind of a mess. You just said I brought along a whole bunch of trouble."
"And what am I?" Fred laughed. "I'm just as messy and just as much trouble."
"I suppose we're meant to be," I whispered, meeting his eyes with a slight smile.
We stayed for a few more minutes at Percy's headstone, just kneeling there in silence, holding hands with my head resting on Fred's shoulder. And then finally, when Fred was ready, he stood up, dusted himself off and then reached out to help me up as well.
We turned to leave, but at the last second, I stopped and look back over my shoulder at the headstone. I glanced back at Fred, who was looking at me curiously, and then I dropped his hand and turned back. I crouched down in front of Percy's grave again and pressed my palm against the cool stone.
"Thank you," I whispered. "For saving Fred's life. Because of you, he was able to save me. And I'm so grateful." I glanced back up at Fred to see him looking at me, an array of emotions on his face. I knew he'd heard what I'd said and I didn't mind if he did. But I had one more thing to say, and this I didn't want him to hear, so I lowered my voice even more. "And between you and me...I love him, too. I just haven't worked up the courage to tell him yet. They're three words that are so small but yet so big. And they aren't words I want to throw around lightly. Even though I'm sure that I mean them, and even though I know how Fred feels about me. It just still seems like a big deal, you know? I've never had to tell anyone I loved them before. Maybe if I had a bit of the bravery you had..." I smiled slightly and trailed off. "Anyway, I really just wanted to say...thanks, Percy."
I stood up and dusted myself off before rejoining Fred and slipping my hand into his.
"So what was that last bit?" He asked with a raised eyebrow. "I didn't quite catch it."
"It was a secret," I told him, swinging our hands back and forth slightly as I smiled.
"Percy was always good at keeping those too," Fred said with a sigh. "Even if he were alive, I wouldn't be able to pry it out of him."
"Not even by threatening him with a joke product?" I asked.
"No, those would infuriate him to the point where he'd go out of his way not to spill the secret." He smiled down at me. "So, whatever you told him, your secret is safe."
"I won't make you wait too long until I tell you what it is," I said. "You'll find out soon enough, I promise."
"I'll hold you to that," Fred answered, as together we made our way out of the cemetery's front gates.
The rest of the night was nothing less than I expected from Fred. He brought us to Hogsmeade and into Zonko's, which—big surprise—I hadn't been into before.
"This was where George and I pretty much got our inspiration," Fred said, leading me into the shop and grabbing something that looked like a small rubber ball off of a display. He turned and walked backwards, facing me as he tossed the ball between his hands and grinned.
"Inspiration for what, exactly?" I asked, following him with a slight smile on my face. "What you wanted to do with your lives? Opening a joke shop? The atmosphere of the shop?"
"Everything," he said. "All of it. The moment we walked in here our third year, we knew this was what we wanted. It was so clear to us that we wondered why it hadn't come to us sooner." He turned back around so he was waking forwards again and let me catch up so I was walking at his side. "George and I knew this shop like the backs of our own hands." I watched as he took in a deep breath and looked around us at the colorful, fully stocked shelves. "It even has that familiar smell that brings back memories. It still feels a lot like...home. Even after all these years. Familiar, you know?"
I smiled. "What about your own shop?" I asked, partially teasing. "That doesn't feel like home to you?"
"It's great," he answered. "Of course it's great. I'm really proud of what George and I have done. But this place—Zonko's—is what started it all, like I said. This place was to me and George, what we hope our shop is to someone else. A bit of light during a dark time. Or even just an extra bit of light during a good time." He stopped at a section of shelves towards the end of the aisle that was filled with various funny disguises. Bushy eyebrows, fake hooked noses, fake warts, wigs, and other similar items. He selected a dark, bushy mustache, a short, spiky, dark-haired wig, and a pair of dark sunglasses and then put them all on, one by one, before finally turning to me and striking a pose. "How do I look?"
"Oh, wow, way better looking than usual," I laughed. "What an upgrade."
Fred reached over and grabbed a large, pointy nose and a fake wart off the shelf. He stuck the nose over his own and the wart on his chin. "What about now?"
"Just when I thought you couldn't get any dreamier," I commented with a laugh as I shook my head in mock-amazement.
"It's the wart, isn't it?" Fred asked, lightly running his hand over said wart.
"No, it might be the nose," I said. "The risk of getting my eye poked out if you come any closer just really exhilarates me."
"Really," Fred said, lowering the glasses and smirking as he raised an eyebrow and took a few steps closer. "Tell me," he went on, stepping even closer, "just how exhilarated are you right now?"
I fought to keep a straight face for as long as I could, but eventually I couldn't take it any more and burst into laughter. "I can't take you seriously looking like that," I gasped, holding onto my stomach as I laughed.
"Oh, yeah?" Fred asked, removing the glasses completely. "Why don't you try?"
"Fine," I laughed. "Turn around. Don't peek." I spun my index finger in a circle as I grinned. Fred rolled his eyes, but did as I asked, removing the rest of his disguise items as he did so.
I considered all the options in front of me before deciding on a long blonde wig, bright red cat eye sunglasses and a feather boa. Overall, it might have looked fairly normal, but for the finishing touch, I grabbed a fake nose with a giant zit at the end. Attached to the nose from the bottom was a pair of fake lips that would cover my own. The fake lips were a bright red color to match the sunglasses and they were opened to reveal the worst set of teeth imaginable. Giggling to myself, I put on the fake nose, then covered the lower half of my face with the feather boa, wrapping it around me dramatically before turning back to Fred. "Okay, turn around."
He turned and looked at me, giving me a once over with his eyebrows raised in amusement. "I thought the point was to try to not look good," he laughed, coming a bit closer.
"That's not the impression I got from how good you looked," I teased, smiling underneath the fake lips and the feather boa—not that Fred could tell, though.
"Well, in any case," Fred said, taking another step closer to me , "if you ever decided to go blonde, I wouldn't—"
I interrupted him by quickly lowering the boa from my face and lunging at him. "Boo!" I cried.
Fred visibly flinched and let out a few curse words as he stepped backwards into the shelf. He righted himself quickly and managed to regain his cool, but I was already dissolved into a fit of giggles.
"That wasn't very nice you know," I finally managed to say, putting a fake pout on my face. "It was the zit, wasn't it? You know, I'm very self conscious about it." I pretended to cry into my hands.
"You're starting to sound like Moaning Myrtle," Fred said, coming closer and lowering my hands from my face.
"Who?" I asked, looking up at him curiously.
"Ghost that haunts one of the girls' toilets at Hogwarts. Cries in the stall daily, occasionally floods the whole hallway."
"With her tears?" I asked, an amused smirk lifting up the corner of my mouth.
"No, with tap water," Fred laughed. "She overflows the sinks when she's really upset." He paused before his eyes drifted from the fake nose to the wig I still had on. "Can you take those off now?"
I reached up and pulled off the nose, then the wig, and then pushed the sunglasses up onto my head. "Better?" I asked.
Fred nodded. "Almost." He reached up and completely removed the sunglasses before taking the nose out of my hand. He put everything back on the shelf and turned back to me. "There," he said with a smile as his eyes wandered over my face.
"You didn't even like the sunglasses?" I asked. "I actually thought they were pretty cool."
"You're cool enough without them," he said, shaking his head as I blushed.
"I also thought you didn't mind me as a blonde," I said.
"I wouldn't, but I just think you're perfectly fine the way you are now."
"Perfectly fine?" I asked with a playful grin. "That's all?"
"I'm sorry, I think your beauty caused me to mix up my words," Fred teased. "What I meant to say is fine, you're perfect."
I laughed. "That's better."
The rest of the night was spent wandering through Hogsmeade. We went into a few more of the shops, and finally stopped to eat at the Three Broomsticks. It was a Saturday night and fairly crowded. I knew how it could get from the times I came here with everyone from work, but I didn't mind it as much anymore. That still didn't stop me, however, from glancing around the room instinctively, taking everyone in and trying to get some kind of sense of the people around me.
"Hey," Fred whispered, putting a gentle hand on my lower back. I stiffened and he pulled his hand away slightly. "Eric's not here," he murmured. "He's dead, remember? No one here is going to hurt you."
"I know," I sighed as we sat down. "I can't help it, though. Especially in crowded places where it would have been easy for him to blend in whether he was in disguise or not." I frowned and shook my head as I stared down at the table and traced my finger along the edge of it. "He disguised himself as so many people," I whispered. "And I was none the wiser." I swallowed. "As he was telling me about that, but before he'd told me who he'd disguised himself as, I panicked that he'd been you at one point. At any point. But especially the moments when you kissed me and when I showed you my scars. Finding out that was him would have killed me, I think. I couldn't handle that. Especially after finding out that he did disguise himself as Noah and put his slimy hands all over me." I shuddered and took in a shaky breath as I looked up at Fred. "I just feel so stupid for not seeing it."
"How could you have?" Fred asked. "Most of the time, he was disguised a stranger. Someone you didn't know and wouldn't recognize if they were acting odd. He admitted to studying Noah for information to use when he was disguised as him. He still didn't get everything right, but when you questioned it, he was ready with a reason why. He tricked everyone. And he killed the one person who he knew he couldn't trick. Noah's mother. The guy was mental. You can't blame yourself for not being one step ahead of a person like him. In fact, I think that attests to your own sanity." He smiled slightly. "You never considered he'd be disguised as so many people because the whole thing is absurd and you know it. Because you're of sound mind."
I actually laughed. "I'm glad someone thinks so. It doesn't feel like I am most of the time."
"Ah, well, you'll start feeling better," Fred assured me. "Day by day." He reached out and put a hand over mine. After a moment, he tilted his head towards the bar. "Will you be okay if I just go get us drinks and put in an order for food?"
I nodded. "Yeah, I'll be okay."
Fred smiled comfortingly and stood up, leaning down to quickly kiss my forehead before heading to the bar. I instinctively looked around the pub again, twisting and untwisting my papernapkin repeatedly before starting to absentmindedly tear it to shreds. By the time Fred came back, there was a small pile of white paper in front of me on the table.
"In a few months' time, we'll have real snow around here, you know," he said as he set our drinks down and sat back down in his chair.
I let out a quiet groan as I swept the pile off to the side of the table. "I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't even realize I was doing it."
Fred studied me for a long moment. "You're safe now, Soph," he reminded me. "I know you know that and I know that you're just dealing with after effects of what happened to you, but I'm going to keep reminding you anyway. You're safe."
"I know," I said, taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. "Thanks."
Fred was quiet for a moment. "Did you want to leave?" He asked. He didn't sound disappointed, even though I was sure he would be by cutting our night short. Instead, he asked the question kindly. Patiently.
"No, I want to stay." I shook my head. "I want to be here with you and I want to enjoy myself."
"Are you enjoying yourself?"
I nodded. "I'm just a little..." I trailed off and shrugged as I looked at him. "It's all after affects-just as you said. I'm not going to let it ruin my night. I need to move on from what happened and I can't do that if I never leave Tom and Martha's again."
"Okay," Fred answered, his eyes sweeping over my face, searching for any clue that I was more uncomfortable than I was letting on.
There was a pause as I spun my drink slowly in my hands. "So..." I finally said with a tiny smirk, "speaking of safety-you really thought you could bring me back to the place where you hit me in the head with a door and I wouldn't remember?"
Fred let out a scoff of laughter. "I was hoping that I'd hit you hard enough that you forgot the incident ever happened," he answered. "Besides, I apologized and got you ice, so I'm also hoping that I made up for it."
"You did more than enough," I said.
"I just did what anyone should have done," he said. "And I think most people would. If they have a heart, at least. And if they don't, you don't need them around anyway."
I smiled. "I'll drink to that." I held up my bottle of fire whiskey and clinked it's against Fred's before taking a sip.
"Look at that, barely even a wince this time around," Fred commented as he watched me. "No coughing, no spluttering...you're a pro now."
I laughed. "A professional alcohol drinker? Nice, Fred."
He smiled as he leaned back in his seat and studied me for a moment. "So how's your mother doing? You know, working for Tom and Martha and everything."
I shrugged. I was a little surprised that he'd asked, given how I knew he felt about my mother, but I didn't show my surprise to Fred. "She likes it. Martha was going to have her take over Noah's old position cleaning tables, but she actually started as a waitress instead and she's a lot more personable than I was when I started. That's for sure."
"Sophie, a lampshade was more personable than you," Fred laughed.
I rolled my eyes, despite the fact that he had a point. "You know, I actually told Tom and Martha that I wouldn't mind giving waitressing another try if they needed me. I think I can do it now without encompassing the personality of a lampshade."
Fred snorted. "I don't doubt that. Besides, you never truly had the personality of a lampshade. You just acted like you did for reasons I completely understand. But if you think you're ready for another go at it, than good for you." He took a sip of his drink. "What about things between you and your mother? How's that going?"
"Not bad," I answered. "We work together, which is...interesting, so we spend a lot of time together that way. And she usually comes upstairs to eat dinner with us. Her and Martha are getting along really well, which is also interesting. And kind of surprising. But in a nice way." I was quiet as our food came and then looked up at Fred as I slowly started turning my firewhiskey around in a circle again, the glass lightly scraping against the wood. "You know, you should really spend some time with her too. While she's here."
Fred shrugged and kept his eyes downcast as he became entirely too focused on his dinner.
"Fred," I sighed. "What's stopping you? You know I'm not leaving. So why can't you just stop avoiding her and maybe even just open yourself up to one conversation with her?"
"I'm still not sure if I'm over the fact that she really hurt you," Fred said, looking up at me. "You think I'm just going to forget all that you told me about how you felt about her leaving? Or about everything that happened to you in foster care, which was her fault that you ended up in?"
"Technically it was Eric's fault," I muttered, staring intently at my firewhiskey bottle again.
Fred ignored me. "You think I'm going to forget that we sat on the floor of that museum in Salem and you cried into my shoulder about being left there?"
I looked back up at him again and met his eyes. "Of course I don't think you'd forget, nor do I want you to, because I haven't either. I know what she's done and what happened. Don't you think I've gone over all of this in my head so many times that it's almost made me insane?"
"Then you can't expect me to like her," Fred argued.
"I don't expect that. And that's not what I'm asking of you. I'm asking you to give her a chance. That's what we're all trying to do here."
"I don't need to give her a chance," Fred replied decisively.
"It's not like she wanted to leave me," I said. "Things just got...complicated. We know the truth now."
"Doesn't matter. She still did so many things that hurt you and put you in danger. And I don't know why everyone else is so quick to forgot that."
"I've told you, nobody is forgetting, Fred. I've also told you that we're all just trying. It's not as simple as you're making it seem."
Fred sighed. "I don't know, it seems pretty simple to me."
"What would you do?" I asked him. "If your mother had done what—"
"She wouldn't, though," Fred interrupted. "Ever." He met my eyes fiercely, as if chastising me for even considering that possibility.
"I know that." I stared at him stonily for a moment and he seemed to have realized the sting of his words because he let out a sigh and reached for my hand.
"Look, Soph, I know it's a lot to grapple with, but-"
"It doesn't seem like you do know," I answered. "Or at least you don't even want to try."
"I can't help how I feel," he said.
I sighed in resolution and started on my dinner. "Fine," I said. "I can't make you do anything you aren't willing to do. But my point is that things aren't always so cut and dry. Things aren't always so simple. Especially when feelings get involved."
"I know that, Soph. I know."
"What about Percy?" I asked quietly. "He left you-by choice-and when he came back, you accepted him right away."
Fred inhaled deeply through his nose. "That's different," he said, slowly letting the air back out.
"Is it?" I asked.
"Yes," he said emphatically. "Percy didn't endanger our lives. Percy didn't lead someone who wanted to kill us straight to our home. In fact, he distanced himself to save his own damn neck."
"He still hurt you, did he not?" I asked. "You said he told your dad he had no ambition and blamed your financial issues on that."
"So?" Fred asked. His grip on his fork was tight, and he was glaring down at his food.
I exhaled slowly. "I'm just saying-maybe my mother's situation has more similarities to your situation than you think."
"There are hardly any similarities. Percy is not like your mother. He's not."
I set my jaw as I looked at him. "I didn't say he was like her. I was just trying to find ways that our situations were similar to help you understand where I'm coming from. But as I've told you, you do not get final say in what I choose to do. I do care about what you think and what you have to say, but if I want a relationship with my mother, then-"
"Fine, but don't try to force me to have one with her."
I sighed and closed my eyes. "Fine, Fred. Fine. Okay." I felt too tired to argue anymore. Too tired to discuss this. I just wanted one night with Fred away from all of the shit that had happened to me.
"Martha told me you're still having nightmares," he finally said, his voice quiet.
I groaned as I tipped my head back. And here we were, still talking about my baggage. "I asked her not to mention anything to you," I said, looking back at Fred.
"Why not?" he asked with a slight frown.
"I didn't want you to know, I didn't want you to worry, and I don't want to talk about them. Living through them once is enough without having to re-tell every bad dream."
"That's not fair, Soph," Fred said, looking at me steadily. "It's not fair for you to push me to communicate, but then shut down yourself."
"That's different," I insisted.
"Is it?" Fred retaliated. He leaned back in his seat and took a long sip of his drink as he stared at me.
"Yes," I insisted. "Sometimes you leave me struggling to guess everything that's going through your head. You leave me trying to guess what or how you're feeling. You have no problem sharing your opinions on things or telling it like it is as far as other people are concerned, but the first moment that your own feelings come into play, you just leave me trying to read your mind. That's different than me not wanting to talk about my nightmares."
"Soph," Fred sighed, his demeanor softening. He set his drink down and leaned forward, resting his arms on the table as he met my eyes. "If you and I are going to do this,"-he gestured between the two of us-"then we both need to be completely open with each other, don't you agree? With everything. We have to communicate. I'm not saying that it's easy to do or that I'm not difficult myself at times, but I'd like you to be able to come to me about things that are bothering you. I want you to be honest with me. I'm certainly not going to judge you."
"You've seen me after one of my nightmares already," I whispered, picking at my food. "In Salem, remember?"
"Yeah, but we didn't talk about it," Fred said. "I could see all over your face that you were upset, but I didn't want to push you that night after everything that had happened. But now-"
"Fred, I hated that you saw it. The nightmares are awful. And even though they aren't real, and I know that, I feel embarrassed reacting so strongly to something that's fabricated in my own head."
"I've had nightmares of my own, Soph," Fred said. "And I know they can feel extremely real. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I don't want to see you so upset or in so much pain. I wish there was something I could do. But in the meantime, I feel like the least I could do is be there for you. Comfort you. Whether you talk to me about them or not...I just want to be there. I want you to trust me enough to come to me about them instead of trying to hide them. I know almost everything else about you. This is nothing."
I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment. He was right. I knew he was right. And he'd done so well opening up to me about his past and overcoming his hurdles one by one-we'd literally just overcome one of his hurdles together: visiting Percy's grave. The least I could do was talk to him about my nightmares. He was also right in saying he knew almost everything else about me. We'd already been through a lot together. The nightmares were practically nothing in light of everything else that had happened.
Finally, I let out a sigh and nodded. "Okay," I whispered. "I'll try. I can't promise I'll want to talk about them, but I promise I'll make an effort to at least...let you know they're happening."
Fred nodded, satisfied with my response. He leaned forward on his elbows and gently kissed my forehead. "I love you," he murmured.
I love you too. I found myself wanting to tell him right there and then. But those words felt like such a big deal to me. I'd never said them before. I knew how I felt and I was sure of how I felt. But those three small words seemed to carry so much weight. I wanted to say them when it felt right to me. Not here at the Three Broomsticks.
By the time Fred was dropping me off at the Leaky Cauldron later that night, I had been well fed, my stomach hurt from laughing so hard, and most of all, I was the happiest I'd been in a long time. Fred and I had dropped the subject of my mother during dinner and had successfully been able to just put it aside and enjoy ourselves after that. I hadn't even taken any more glances around the room, instead keeping my eyes solely on Fred the rest of the night.
"I had a great time tonight," I told him as we stopped outside the Leaky Cauldron's back door. "And thank you for the flowers, they really are lovely."
"I'm glad you like them," Fred said. "I know I caught you off guard with bringing you to the cemetery, but-"
"I'm glad you brought me," I interrupted. "Truly. I'm honored that you trusted me enough."
Fred nodded. "You're still coming to dinner tomorrow at the Burrow?"
"Yeah, of course," I said. "We said I'd meet you at the shop at three, yeah?"
"Mm," Fred answered. He rubbed the back of his neck as he let out a puff of air. "Look, if you want to-if you'd like to-erm...If you'd like to ask your mother to come with us tomorrow..."
"Did your mother tell you to ask me that or are you asking on your own?" I giggled.
Fred let out a breath of laughter and rubbed his hands over his face. "I think you know the answer to that," he said. "But, I'm trying, Soph. I'm trying to come to terms with everything mentally, but it's hard."
"Well, if you spend some time with her, I think that might help," I said. I smiled softly. "She said some nice things about you when I had breakfast with her in Salem."
"She did?" Fred asked in surprise.
I nodded. "She called you a gentleman."
Fred snorted. "Do you think we can ask her to repeat that in front of my own mother?"
I laughed. "Maybe if we get her to do it before she gets to know the real you. But seriously, Fred, you're a good guy. She's seen what you've done for me. She's already impressed and appreciative, and as I've said, things are just really complicated. We're all trying, here. Even I'm trying and she's my own mother."
Fred nodded. "Okay," he said. "Okay. I'll do it because it clearly means a lot to you. But I can't make any promises."
"I'm not expecting you to," I said. "But thank you." I leaned up on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow."
Fred reached out and grabbed my arm as I pulled away. "Get back here," he chuckled, gently tugging me back towards him.
"What?" I asked with a laugh.
"I was hoping you'd leave me with a little bit more than a kiss on the cheek."
I giggled as I pretended to think about that. "I don't think I'd object to that, actually," I said.
Fred stared back at me for a moment before he leaned down and gently kissed me. After a moment, he pulled back slightly and hesitated. I giggled, knowing what he wanted. So I leaned in and kissed him again. This time, he was quick to deepen it, one of his hands sliding around to the small of my back and just slightly pressing me closer as his other hand tangled in my hair. He gently backed me up into the brick wall and brought the hand that had been at my back around to my hip.
I was able to reach over and set my flowers down on a stack of crates to my left, and then both of my hands were on Fred's chest, my palms flattened directly over his heart. Fred broke away and trailed kisses over my jaw and down to my neck, where he continued to trail kisses over my skin. I let out a quiet sigh and tilted my head. For a while, my mind was almost blank, I couldn't even think straight. But then my mind suddenly wandered to that night with Noah where Eric was impersonating him. We'd been in a similar position to the one Fred and I were in now, except I was a lot more fearful back then. I had barely been ready for Noah to kiss me like that. Now, with Fred, I wanted him to. But I suddenly remembered the way I had felt when I realized that Noah had really been Eric. I tried to push the thoughts away, reminding myself that Fred wasn't Eric, Eric was dead, and he couldn't impersonate anyone else I cared for ever again.
I managed to calm myself down quite a bit, but I still pulled myself away from Fred slightly. "Fred," I murmured, my voice holding that sad tone of disappointment as I shifted myself away from him.
He caught on at once and pulled back, noticing the look on my face. "Hey, it's alright," he whispered, taking my face in his hands and lightly rubbing his thumbs over my cheekbones. "Don't worry about it, okay?"
I nodded, but I knew Fred could tell I was still upset.
"If it makes you feel any better, you were fine with it all for longer than last time," Fred said. "You're getting closer and closer to not letting it stop you."
I shrugged. "I guess that's a good sign."
"It is," Fred answered. He tilted his head and smiled as he peered at the side of my neck and reached over to shift some of my hair out of the way. He let out a breath of laughter. "I think I left a mark, by the way. Just a warning. It's not too bad now, but by tomorrow it'll be worse."
I reached up and touched the side of my neck with my fingertips as I smiled wryly. "Your mother won't like it if she sees it tomorrow."
"No, I think she'll love it," Fred said with a snort. "She won't yell at me whatsoever."
I laughed. "That's a lie, Fred Weasley, and you know it. She'll blame you entirely." I shrugged. "My hair covers it anyway for the most part. We might be okay."
"Well, she'll probably still notice it if we rely solely on your hair," Fred warned. "She's got great eyesight, and I think also x-ray vision."
"I could cover it using makeup or even magic," I shrugged.
"Or maybe you could take a walk on the wild side, you know?" Fred teased. "You know, just rely on your hair and rest out how good my mothers x-ray vision really is."
I laughed. "I don't know if I want to test it," I said.
Fred laughed. "Then you don't have to," he said. "It's your call. But as long as you know that if it were up to me, everyone would see it." His eyes wandered slowly over my face and he smiled. "Even if the risk is at my expense and it'll be my head on the serving platter at dinner if Mum notices."
"Your head is far too pretty to eat," I said.
"Exactly!" Fred answered. He pretended to wipe sweat from his forehead. "Whew, I'm glad we're on the same page about that. You can back me up when Mum comes at me with the carving knife."
I laughed and leaned up to give him one last kiss. Then, I turned and reached for my flowers before dropping his hand and heading for the door to the Leaky Cauldron. "Thank you again, and I'll see you tomorrow."
"See you tomorrow," Fred answered. He waited for me to get inside and once I had shut the door, I heard him Apparate away. I leaned against the wall and sighed, bringing my flowers up to my nose again. And then I headed upstairs to put them in some water.
"I have to warn you, it's going to be overwhelming at first. There will be a lot of people and since it's so cold, we'll probably be inside most of the night, so there won't be much room. I was overwhelmed when I first went over for dinner and I had the benefit of meeting everyone outside where there was more space."
It was the next afternoon and I was in my bedroom, getting ready to head down the alley to meet Fred and George before going to the Burrow. My mother was perched on my bed, listening to me ramble with a raised eyebrow.
"So...tell me their names again?" she asked, watching me locate my hairbrush and run it through my hair. "I remember Molly and Arthur, but tell me all of the children's' names again."
I set my brush down, gently gave Buttercup the Pygmy Puff a pat on the head, and started to put on my shoes as I listed off everyone's names. "Bill is the oldest. He's married to Fleur and they have a six month old daughter named Victoire. Then there's Charlie, who isn't here. He lives in Romania and works with dragons, but he's supposed to come home for Christmas this year and also for Ginny's wedding in May. Then there's Percy, the third oldest."
"He's the one that-um-died?" my mother asked quietly.
I nodded. "Yeah," I whispered. I cleared my throat as I started putting on my other shoe. "Then after Percy, it's Fred and George. Then Ron, and finally Ginny."
"Bill, Charlie, Percy, Fred, George, Ron, Ginny," my mother listed.
"You got it," I said with a smile, straightening up and grabbing my coat. "I'm sure they'll all like you. They're very welcoming. Believe me, when I first met them I was practically shell shocked, but they acted like I was already part of the family."
My mother nodded, but I could see her wringing her hands nervously.
"You'll be fine," I said, buttoning my coat and opening my bedroom door. "Come on."
We made our way down the alley to Weasley's Wizard Wheezes and my mother looked up at it in wonder. "Even though I've seen it before," she said, "I can never quite wrap my head around it. It's amazing."
"I know," I answered. "I was apprehensive about being here when I first showed up, just like I was apprehensive about almost everything else. But Fred practically dragged me around the shop to give me the grand tour." I smiled at the memory as I approached the door and knocked. I knew Fred and George would be alerted of our presence through the security charms they'd set up, so it was only a matter of time before they came to answer the door.
"He doesn't like me very much, does he?" My mother asked.
I didn't have to ask who she was talking about. I stared through the glass window of the shop's door as I sighed. "He's just having a hard time getting past the ways he knows I was affected by what you did."
"I can't say that I blame him. Part of me wonders if I even deserve the kind of second chance I've been given. It's a pretty good second chance, you know? I sometimes haven't been sure if I've even deserved a second chance at all."
"I think you do," I said as I noticed Fred appear at the back of the shop and begin making his way towards the door to unlock it. "I don't think everyone is deserving of a second chance. Like Eric, or Voldemort, or even my father." I paused for a moment. "I think people deserve a second chance if they can prove that they not only want one, but that they'll do the work to take the chance, you know? And make the most of it."
My mother thought that over for a bit, but didn't get to answer because Fred was unlocking the door and swinging it open. "Hey," he said, a grin spreading over his face as he saw me.
"Hey, yourself," I answered as my mother and I stepped inside.
Fred leaned in to kiss me, then looked at my mother and gave her a half smile. "Hello." He awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck.
"Hello, Fred," my mother said quietly, giving him a small smile in return.
"George should be down in a minute," Fred announced, glancing at me and sticking his hands in his pockets. "And then we can leave."
"Okay," I said, raising an eyebrow in amusement at how uncomfortable he seemed around my mother. He didn't want to be around her and it showed.
But then he surprised me by turning to her and asking, "Do you...want a tour? Of the shop? It's a lot easier to take everything in with no one here. And not many people are lucky enough to get the private, VIP treatment, you know."
My mother blinked in surprise. "Um...yes. Yes, I'd love to see everything in more detail."
I smiled. "Fred loves any reason to show this place off. As he should."
"It's my pride and joy," he said, grinning at me. He turned to look at my mother. "Come on, we'll start over here at the Muggle joke products."
I trailed slightly behind the two of them as Fred led my mother around the shop, pointing everything out to her. She asked a lot of questions and showed genuine interest and amazement in each and every product.
"What were those products you gave to Sophie to help us get away from Eric?" My mother eventually asked. "They were truly brilliant. They worked like a charm-close to literally-and nearly helped us get away."
"Yeah, only nearly." Fred shrugged his shoulders.
"We would have gotten away if Eric hadn't had those watchmen working for him. Or if we'd planned for them being there." She glanced at me. "We didn't and we should have." My mother gently put a hand on Fred's arm. He stared down at her hand, but didn't move away. My mother continued speaking, seemingly encouraged by the fact he wasn't shaking her off. "Sophie is very lucky to have met you, Fred. You fought for her and you saved her life. And mine. I know my life probably doesn't mean much to you, but...I'm still thankful. Mostly because of the way you've treated my daughter. Like I said, you truly fought for her. Hard."
"Losing her was not an option for me," Fred said, his voice low as he raised his eyes to meet my mother's. "I don't know why it ever was for you."
My mother seemed to deflate slightly as she removed her hand from Fred's arm. "Eric wore me down. You don't understand. Being around him always felt so hopeless. He knew just how to manipulate someone into feeling like there was just no use in trying to fight him. He didn't have magic on his side, so he played with minds instead. And he was good at it."
Fred glanced at me. "That's kind of what Sophie's said before, too."
My mother nodded. "I couldn't get away from him, so I had to do what I had to do. I needed Sophie to know who she was and that she wasn't alone. That someone had been through similar things that she had. Even if it was a long dead ancestor. I was also hoping she might realize the truth about Eric and his relation to Judge Hathorne. I was hoping she'd figure out that Eric had been after us for quite a while. I was hoping knowing that would help her realize that it was nothing she had ever done that made him behave that way. That she was never the problem. And I suppose that I was also hoping she'd figure out that because he'd been after me as well, that I didn't leave her intentionally. That I'd never stopped thinking about her, that I was still alive and still loved her."
"You wanted her to figure all of that out, but you barely spoke to her," Fred said, narrowing his eyes and shaking his head. "If anything, it left her even more confused." He looked at me again. "I mean-I don't want to speak for you, Soph, but-I've been with you through all of it, and..." He shook his head again and let out a puff of air.
"No, you're exactly right," I whispered.
My mother nodded. "I know. And I'm sure Sophie told you that she also gave me an earful when she found out the truth of who I was. She told me everything. So I do know how she felt. I know I handled it poorly, but I was trying to do it all the best way I felt I could. Because I was afraid. I was afraid of what Eric would do to me or to her if I did anything too drastic. I knew he wouldn't hesitate to kill me and I didn't want to die knowing Sophie felt the way she did about me. I wanted the opportunity to at least talk to her as me. And I certainly didn't want Eric to kill her. Essentially, I was afraid to take any chances. And that's what I think you, Fred, do better than me. You're not afraid of taking risks. It's all a little twisted, but I did what I felt I could do within my limitations. But I'm no longer limited and I will do whatever it takes to fix this as much as I can."
Fred was quiet as he thought a moment. "I want Sophie to be happy," he finally said. "So ultimately, whatever she says she wants, I'll go along with. I won't stand in her way. I just don't want her to get hurt again. I don't want her to wake up one day and find that you've left. She told me you mentioned New York..."
"Then I'm sure she also told you it was just a thought, an option for the future. I just threw the idea out there because I wasn't sure how my presence would be received here. I'm sure she mentioned, too, that I'm in no rush to leave before she's ready and satisfied with how we're leaving things. And I certainly wouldn't leave without saying goodbye."
"Well, you've already done it once," Fred snapped.
"And I will never do it again," my mother promised. "I'm getting a second chance to try and salvage the damage made by choices I regret. I get a second chance to do things differently. And I don't plan on wasting that chance. Wouldn't you do the same?"
Fred was quiet again as he stared down at his feet. Finally, he looked up at my mother. "I would," he said, his voice a whisper.
It was silent for a moment until it was finally broken by the door to the back room opening and George stepping out. "It's awfully quiet in here," he commented, coming over to us. He noticed Fred's serious expression. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Fred said quickly, shaking his head and snapping out of his thoughts. "I'm fine. Sophie's mother and I were just talking."
"Getting to know each other a little bit, that's all," my mother said briskly, smiling at George. "We're ready to leave if you are. I'm very excited to meet your family."
"My girlfriend, Katie, is going to be there as well," George said. "I don't know if Sophie mentioned that. One more name for you to remember."
"I think I can handle one more," my mother said with a tiny smile.
"Okay, then let's get going," George said.
I looked at my mother and smiled encouragingly. She gave me a smile in return and then the four of us headed for the door.
Dinner at the Burrow went just as well as I'd hoped it would. My mother did just fine meeting all the Weasleys and didn't forget a single name. I made sure to introduce her to everyone, remembering how I felt when I'd first come here and Fred and George had left me alone. If it hadn't been for Hermione, I don't know what I would have done. I probably would have tried to leave.
Once we'd finished eating, my mother actually offered to help Mrs. Weasley clean up. Mrs. Weasley refused at first, but quickly gave in. I had a feeling that she actually wanted to spend some time alone with my mother. Mrs. Weasley, like Martha, had become somewhat of another mother figure to me while I'd been here, and I knew she was just another person who wanted to protect me. Which meant she was yet another person who was put on guard by my mother's return into my life after all that had happened. To my mild surprise, she'd been a little distant with my mother all evening, as if she wasn't sure what to make of her. Which was probably true. So now she had her chance to talk to her alone and she was going to take it.
"You think your mother will let mine live?" I asked Fred with a snort as we left the kitchen and headed to the living room with everyone else. "I get the sense that she's taken after you and Tom as far as opinions on this whole thing go."
"Mum's tough," Fred shrugged. "And she adores you. So, like the rest of us, she's working through some feelings about your mother. It's been hard for all of us seeing her just show up again. We've all come to consider you our family here, you know? She gave you up, however unintentionally it was. We feel protective of you-maybe Tom and I more than others, I'll admit. And my mother too-like I said, she has a thing for orphans." He nudged me and laughed as I rolled my eyes.
"I don't think she's exactly mad that I'm not really an orphan," I scoffed. "That's not the problem here."
"No, it's not," Fred admitted. "Even though Eric attacked your mother and held her hostage, she did cause you a lot of pain. And she still led Eric back to you. I think most of us feel that she could have tried harder to help you instead of being so...vague. She could have taken some more risks. Done anything to protect you."
"But Eric-"
"I know what you've said about him messing with your heads," Fred interrupted as he collapsed into a large armchair in the corner of the room. He grabbed my arm, gently pulling me down onto his lap. "But she still could've done a lot of things differently, if you ask me."
"She didn't have the support I did," I whispered, tucking myself into the corner of the chair and resting my head in the crook of Fred's neck as I curled into him. "She was alone with him all the time, Fred. I was lucky enough to have so many people on my side, despite how much I tried to isolate myself."
"I'm sure we'll ultimately warm up to your mother," Fred assured me. "As long as she continues to prove herself, that is." He swallowed and put a hand on my knee, rubbing his thumb back and forth over the fabric of my jeans. "We're just trying to come to terms with the woman who is rightfully and biologically your family coming back into the picture. It's a little awkward and strange, you know? We're all really fond of you. It doesn't feel like she earned the right to be in your life-but I will say that I suppose I do agree that she deserves a chance. The situation isn't so cut and dry, like you said. You were right. It's complicated and I'm just struggling a bit."
I was quiet for a moment. "You know, my mother isn't the real bad guy," I said. "When we were locked up, she told me about my dad."
"She did?" Fred asked in surprise.
I nodded. "His name was Brian. He was a Squib. He and my mother were madly in love at one point. They got married, she got pregnant, they were both overjoyed. But they obviously didn't know what I would be like, you know? If I'd be like my mother or like my father. They did a test, shortly after I was born. They were curious. Well, my father was, mostly. It suddenly became so important to him that he know if I'd be able to do magic or not. Well, as you know, it turns out that I can do magic. My father left that night without a word. My mother woke up the next morning and he was gone. He left her to care for me entirely on her own. He completely disappeared and she was never able to find him again. Not that she wanted to. She was hurt at first, and then she was angry. But he never tried to come back. He never wanted a second chance. He is the one that really left me. Left us. Both me and my mother."
"I'm sorry, Soph," Fred sighed. "That's really shitty."
"It doesn't hurt as much because I never even knew him," I went on. "It makes me angry, but at the same time I don't even want to be angry and waste time on this man I never even knew. My point was that my mother knows what it feels like to have someone you love leave you without a word or an explanation or even a real reason. She like me, knows what it feels like to have someone leave by choice and to be left wondering what you ever did wrong. But the difference is that she wants to fix it, you know? She wants to explain herself and she wants to earn her second chance. Which is more than we can say for my father."
"That's why you're more accepting of her than we've been," Fred said. "Because you knew if she really didn't give a shit, she wouldn't bother trying. And you know that she knows what it feels like. Someone hurt her the same way she hurt you, but that outcome was entirely different."
I nodded. "Exactly. And it's better that way. Why would she or I want to take someone back who didn't want to put in any effort? My mother's been so uncomfortable coming back and meeting everyone-my entire unofficial family." I smiled and tilted my head to look up at Fred as I reached up and lightly ran a hand through his hair. "But she's putting her discomfort aside because I'm more important. Being with me is more important. And so is meeting the people I've grown to care so much about over the past six months and who have grown to care about me in return."
Fred studied me seriously for a moment, a frown tugging his lips downwards and his eyes burning into mine with such intensity, I almost wanted to look away, but I couldn't. And then, without a word, he leaned in and pressed a firm kiss to my lips. After a second he pulled away and looked down at me again. "Your dad's an asshole," he said.
I laughed, turning my head into his shoulder as I did so. "That's exactly what I said after I heard the story too."
"Well, it's true," Fred chuckled. "In fact, asshole may be too tame of a word."
I looked back up at him again and he was looking at me with a much softer expression now. I smiled and leaned up to kiss him again before pulling away and resting my head back into the crook of his neck. He continued to slowly trace his thumb back and forth over my knee and I watched the slow methodical movements for a bit. It was almost soothing, especially feeling the movement of his fingers on my leg and being curled up against his side. I was warm, content and even starting to grow sleepy.
"Fred?" I whispered.
"Mm?" he murmured quietly, sounding almost sleepy himself.
I snuggled closer into him and brought a hand up to rest on his chest, flattening my palm against his shirt, right over his heart. "I love you," I murmured. My heart was hammering in my own chest at this point and I felt Fred freeze for a second before relaxing entirely. He tilted his head down and turned it so he could press a gentle, lingering kiss to my forehead.
"I love you too, Soph," he whispered.
"That was my secret, by the way."
"What?" Fred asked.
I pulled back and looked up at him. "The secret that I told Percy. That's what it was. That I loved you and just had to work up the courage to tell you. Even though you'd already told me how you felt...I was nervous. I was afraid of telling you I loved you and then somehow letting you down. We both know that things happen beyond our control and that people can be driven apart or things change that we can't help. We're both tired of getting hurt, but we also can't help how we feel. So it's a risk, but one that we don't completely have a choice in taking. I could choose not to tell you, but I realized that would just hurt us both anyway. I had to tell you. I wanted to tell you-just when it felt right, you know?"
"Yeah, I get it," Fred said quietly. He smiled. "Thanks for letting me in on the secret. Percy wouldn't say a word. Trying to get it out of him was like talking to a rock."
"Fred," I groaned.
"Too inappropriate?" he asked with a snort.
I raised an eyebrow. "I'd normally say yes, but...you don't mind making that sort of joke?"/p
"If I minded, I wouldn't have said it," he replied with a shrug. When I continued to study his face in concern, he sighed and smiled slightly. "I'm fine. Honestly."
I studied him a moment more before nodding. "Okay," I whispered. I leaned up to kiss him once more and then lowered my head back to his shoulder, content to stay just like that for the rest of my life.
