AN: Chapter one is being retold from Edwards's point of view. The chapter from Bella's point of view was updated due to errors. Edward's personality is based on descriptions supplied by Stephenie Meyer on other sites where she has answered fan questions and on Alphie's portrayal in The Lion and the Lamb. I am hoping Alphie does not mind; I have immensely enjoyed her story. I hope this meets with everyone' expectations. Once again, these are not my characters; they all belong to the wonderfully creative mind of Stephenie Meyer. Enjoy.
Edited 9-12-07
After the Dance – Edward
The hardest part about the prom was resisting the urge to break the neck of every adolescent male whose mind lusted after Bella. Even worse were those minds that thought Bella was pretty. I wanted to yell, Bella is not pretty; she is ravishingly beautiful. Besides, pretty was an insult to her beauty, Alice's handiwork, and my choice.
As I drove Bella home, I surmised that Bella had a good time at the prom despite her boisterous protests earlier in the evening. As I gazed at her, seated next to me, a contented smile appeared on her luscious lips. Her lips were begging to be kissed, so I quickly leaned over and brushed them with mine. In response, she breathed a satisfied sigh. I quickly parked in the driveway and slowly, for me, walked around to Bella's side of the car, since I knew Charlie was watching from the window. As I gently lifted her out of the car, she nestled her head snugly against my chest, and I slowly carried her to the front door. I could tell she was tired because she didn't argue about being carried. Her scent was so intoxicating, but I was being to wonder which lured me more, the scent of her blood or her love and trust. The memory of her richly delicious blood still lingered in mouth, and every time I thought about that taste sensation I wondered if it was the same sensation many humans had when they allowed a piece of chocolate to melt in their mouth. Even with that memory still strong in my mind, I knew I would be able to resist draining Bella of her life giving fluid because of the deep love I felt for her.
As we approached the front door, I heard Charlie's concerns flooding into my mind.
It's about time. Why is he carrying her? Is she hurt? If he hurt her, there'll be the devil to pay.
I wanted to laugh at his last thought. Most humans, if they knew what I was, would consider me the devil. At least I was ready to calm his concerns. As he held the door open, I said with a smile, "She's just exhausted from dancing."
Charlie wasn't very happy about the fact that I proceeded to carry Bella up the stairs, but I wasn't going to allow her to walk up the stairs with that stiletto heel on her foot because to allow that was only asking an accident to happen. Besides, I enjoyed the warmth of Bella's soft body nestling next to my cold one. As I reached the top of the stairs, I halted and allowed Charlie to direct me towards Bella's room. There was no need for Charlie to know how familiar I was with the location of Bella's room.
Charlie's thoughts were bombarding my mind once again.
How serious is she? How far has this relationship gone? She looks mighty comfortable in his arms. Maybe we need to have a father-daughter talk about this. Would that be pushing her too far? But I'm the father; I need to know where this is headed. Why is being a father so complicated?
I could tell Bella would have some explaining to do and I wanted to overhear that conversation but from Bella's side. I was glad of his concern. A father should be concerned about his daughter's welfare.
As I gently set Bella on the bed, I heard Alice arriving, and seconds later she knocked on the door. I smiled at Charlie and said, "That will be Alice. She said she would stop by and see if Bella needed any help preparing for bed." Charlie promptly left the room.
Bella looked at me quizzically and asked, "What is he thinking right now?"
"Who?" I quipped back.
"Charlie of course." I knew she meant to give me a scathing glance, but I could tell she was too exhausted.
At that moment, I knew Charlie was opening the door to Alice. His thoughts were clear. She's gorgeous. Repeat, she's Bella's age. She could be your daughter. She's absolutely breathtaking. She's jailbait. Stop thinking along those lines. I pushed his thoughts aside; I didn't want to know if they went any further.
I smiled at Bella and said, "At this very moment he is thinking how beautiful Alice looks. I should let her in on his complement later." I laughed. I knew Alice would be pleased at his thoughts but Jasper wouldn't.
"That's not what I meant, and you know it." By her tone, I could tell she was frustrated with my reply. "What was he thinking when he saw you carrying me in and up the stairs?"
I smiled knowingly at her. "Later, they're coming up."
As Alice walked in, I knew it was time to leave. I had enough time to drive home, change, return, and linger below Bella's window before Alice had even finished helping Bella prepare for bed. While I waited, I allowed my thoughts to dwell on the evening's revelations. First, my jealousy of Bella had only increased; second, she was as tempting as ever and not just her scent; third, Charlie wanted answers about our relationship; and fourth, I was more deeply in love with Bella than ever. Keeping my promise to protect Bella and let her live as human a life as possible become harder because I wanted her progressively more for myself. I did not want to share her with anyone, not even my family. I realized I was becoming possessive of her. Alice startled me out of my meditation by quietly saying, "She's all yours," as she passed me on her way home. I savored that thought, 'she's all mine.'
Then I focused on Charlie's thoughts and found him fast asleep; so, I quickly entered Bella's window and took my customary position beside her in bed. I found this a very natural and delightful way to spend my evening. Yes, I knew she would fall asleep, but just being with her helped fulfill some human desire I never realized I had before.
Bella whispered, "So, what was he thinking?"
"Who?' I intentionally blew in her face. Ever since she said I dazzled her, I had this desire to see how far I could go with the dazzle. I loved watching her reactions, especially those that surprised me. Yet, again, it amazed me that her mind was closed to me and I had no way of opening it; it all depended on what she was willing to reveal to me, but I always wondered what she was holding back and why.
"You know darn well who?" From her annoyed response, I knew I hadn't dazzled her.
Maybe her emotions played a part in whether or not I affected her. I would have to experiment with that possibility. I smiled as I thought about that and outlined the bridge of her nose with my finger then refocused on our conversation. I decided to edit Charlie's thoughts slightly. "Shock at first. He thought you'd been hurt. He had an image of you tripping over your cast while dancing and breaking your other leg. Not a graceful image I might add. Has he seen you dance before?" I laughed quietly as I remembered his comment about the devil to pay. If anyone hurt Bella, I would be the devil who would extract payment.
"Ha ha, and no, I've never danced in front of him, and he was spared the sight of my ballet recitals. What else?" Bella cuddled closer to me. I enjoyed the warmth radiating from her soft body.
"Umm, you smell so good. It's a good thing Charlie can't hear my thoughts. Although, he did think you looked too comfortable in my arms. He was also wondering how far our relationship has gone, and whether or not he should ask you some very pointed questions on the matter, but I don't think he'll do that before you wake up." I wanted to be comforting as well as informative. I also thought she needed time to consider her reply to Charlie's inquires. I still wanted to hear that conversation.
"Hum, maybe I won't wake up. I could lay here like this forever and never fall asleep. I wonder what that would be like just to lay nestled with you all night and never sleep but revel in your closeness. Tell me how that would feel." I heard the sleepiness in her voice but could tell she was fighting it.
I kept my voice as soft and soothing as possible hoping to charm her to sleep. "I'm not sure. I've never done that before. Maybe I should stay this way until you wake up. Then I can tell you how it feels. As you sleep, I'll just breathe in your essence and cradle you next to me. Of course, if Charlie should look in before he leaves for work, I'd disappear until he closed the door." Her suggestion though was worth a try. I planned to stay by her side all night and savor her aroma and warmth. From Charlie's thoughts, I already knew he planned to go to work in the morning. That fact encouraged me; it meant I could spend all morning with Bella nestled close to her. Usually I would stay until she was in a deep sleep, and then I would either sit in her rocking chair delighting in the sight of her sleeping form while thoughts of us together formulated in my mind, or I would leave to take care of pressing tasks like thirst. A few times, I went home to talk to Esme.
She murmured, "I could just lock the door."
I envisioned the look on Charlie's face when confronted by a locked door. "Won't that make him suspicious?"
"Of what?' Her voice became softer and the words flowed slower. I knew she was falling asleep.
"Of what might be going on behind the locked door?" It took little imagination to know what Charlie's thoughts would be if that happened.
"You tell me. You know what thoughts he's been having lately. Does he suspect any deep romantic inclinations on your part? Or on mine for that matter?" She sighed deeply; it sounded like her last breathe escaping and it intensified her aromatic bouquet.
"Well . . ." I paused briefly deciding whether to tell her, and then decided to reveal some of his thoughts. I figured she was half-asleep and would remember very little of what was being said. "It has crossed his mind. He was remembering, a while back, what he was like at your age, but he was hoping girls weren't like that. In fact, he'd almost convinced himself you couldn't be like that, but something made him unsure. I never clearly caught what changed his mind." I took a small strand of her hair and twirled it around my finger. Then I inhaled deeply drawing in her aromatic scent.
"What was he like at my age?"
I chuckled softly at the thoughts I had caught of Charlie as a teenager. Bella didn't need to know everything about her father, but, then again, she was falling asleep; her voice gave away that information. Besides, whatever I revealed she probably wouldn't remember. "Very physical." A picture of Emmett with Rosalie flashed quickly through my mind.
"I wish I could see that. I wish I could know what you're thinking right now."
I was glad she didn't know my thoughts at that moment. The image of Rosalie and Emmett set my mind on a path I was unwilling to follow. Those thoughts would lead to overwhelming desires I knew couldn't be satisfied or even considered while Bella was human. Instantly, I realized I had to rectify my thinking. I had to stop thinking 'while she was human' and start reminding myself 'she was human.' I had to keep my promise; Bella would stay human and live a normal life, but that only made me wonder where I fit into her normal life. I wasn't normal, nor would my staying with her help her lead a normal life. The need to refocus my thoughts forced me to return to the conversation at hand.
Bella wanted to know what I was thinking, but I refused to share the image I briefly had of Emmett and Rosalie or her and me. Instead, I whispered softly, "I'm thinking how good you smell; how your scent is a magnet that ensnares me and fills me with a desire to get closer to you." I ran my nose up and down her neck breathing deeply. I remembered drawing out her poisoned blood at the dance studio, and its taste suddenly filled my mouth. "How tasty you were, and how much I love you that I would never want you to suffer like you did in the dance studio." I needed to change the topic; my thoughts were headed down a dark tunnel of unacceptable wants, needs, and desires. "What are you thinking?"
A long pause caused me to believe Bella had fallen asleep. Then she stirred slightly in my arms settling her body closer to mine and finally whispered, "Remember, you asked. I was thinking how this is the way I want us to be forever. Never to leave each others side. To bathe in each others desires and needs, to be so close we become as one. I was realizing how alone I've been, relying only on myself and distancing myself from most people. How my only real friend has been my mother and how I've never felt the need to let anyone else in my life . . . maybe not even Charlie, until now. Now I know that you have to be in my life or I'll fade away into nothingness with no meaning or reason for existing. Edward?" Her voice faded on her questioning lips as she dropped into a deep sleep. I couldn't fathom Bella as a solitary person without any friends. Everyone here wanted to be her friend, and some in the male population wanted more than that. I wondered if she meant any of what she had just said yet I discovered, over the past few months, what she said while sleeping was never edited but were her true thoughts.
I replied as softly as possible hoping not to wake her up but also wanting to reassure her that I was still beside her holding her tenderly in my arms. "Yes, I'm still here."
As Bella slept, my mind wandered through avenues of various possibilities. If I changed her, I would never be separated from her. The possessive side of me wanted this, but the compassionate side wanted Bella to have a normal life with a husband, children, and a human future. My darker side hated that idea. For another man to have her was unacceptable, but in order for her to lead any semblance of a normal life, I would have to release her and allow someone else to love her.
I argued back, that was not possible. No man could love her as much as I loved her. No man was worthy of her, but then, I reminded myself, I too was unworthy of her. Here was the most innocent, trusting, loving person who was unsuspectingly thrown into my path. I lead her into this dark existence and she didn't deserve to be pulled from her sunlit world. She loved the sunlight; how could I subject her to a world of darkness.
I was a demon for even thinking she should exist as I exist. She had life before her, a full rich life that I was intruding upon, but oh, how I wanted to intrude and steal that life away from her and make her a part of my world forever. What she had just said were the same thoughts that constantly invaded my mind, but I continually argued against them. How could she want to live my life? Did she know what it really entailed?
I had to be the one who remained reasonable, but at times, I felt like I was fighting a losing battle. Had I not promised to remain all night with Bella, I would have left to work this demon out of my mind, but then I thought, what demon was tormenting me but me. I was the demon, the monster of the night who stole the lives of people. I was the demon who was tormenting her, and if I really loved her I would leave and never return, but I knew it was too late for that. She held my heart in her hands, and I didn't want it back.
I had no idea how long I argued internally, but I suddenly discerned a change in Bella's breathing; it became more labored and restless. At first, I thought I might've been holding her too tightly, restricting the passage of air into her lungs. I relaxed my hold slightly, but her breathing didn't return to normal. Then she began thrashing around on the bed, and I realized she was dreaming. I started humming her lullaby hoping to soothe away whatever was causing her to be restless. Her agitation only increased. I stroked her hair gently and whispered reassuringly that everything was fine and hummed some more, but nothing seemed to help. I felt inept at helping her.
At first, her voice was little more than a whisper as she began to talk in her sleep. "Edward, promise to stay . . . promise to stay forever . . . don't let me die. Promise . . . Promise, I'll never have to leave you . . . I don't want to be alone . . . I don't want to be lonely or feel the ache of losing the only person I've ever loved, or ever will love. Promise me Edward?" As I remembered what my thoughts had been, my first reaction to her comments was she had been reading my mind while she slept.
Then she became growingly restless, almost thrashing around in the bed. I held on to her, afraid if I didn't she would fall out of bed. Her voice began to rise the more restless she became. "Don't leave me." What was she dreaming? Was I hurting her or was someone else causing her pain in the dream.
"Please, Edward, don't leave me." Her voice was much louder. I tried harder to soother her. If she got any louder, Charlie would be able to hear her. Then she began shouting. I sensed Charlie waking up; he was disoriented but worried. I heard him leaving his bed and knew he was on his way to Bella's room.
As much as I wanted to remain, I knew I had to leave. Charlie could not find me in bed next to his daughter. As I went out the window, I heard Bella shouting, "Edward . . . Edward? No, don't leave." Did she sense I was leaving?
I stayed outside the window in the shadows; I couldn't leave with Bella in so much turmoil. I heard Charlie knocking on her door and calling her name. Once more Bella called, "Edward, don't leave." If only her mind was not closed to me, I would know what was happening, but the only mind I heard was Charlie's and he was envisioning us in bed together. Charlie's thoughts were in a rage. He'd better not be in there with her. What was she thinking; I can't believe she would do something like this. Where did we go wrong? When I get my hands on him...
I stayed as close to the house as possible so I could hear what was happening in Bella's room. I had to know what she was saying.
Bella called out one more time, but softly as if pleading with her heart, "Edward, don't leave." It took every ounce of determination I had not to race through her window and tell her I was still beside her.
Then I heard Charlie's voice. "Bella?" In his mind, he made a mental note that Bella was lying on her bed and that I was not hiding in any corner of the room. Then he noted that Bella was moving around in the bed like something was bothering her. Her movement didn't overly concern him, so I figured she was not thrashing around as much as when I was in the room. I began to wonder if she might be on the verge of waking up.
I heard Bella say, "Mom was supposed to tell you. She promised to tell you."
Charlie was more scared than concerned as he said, "Tell me what Bells?"
It was hard to follow what was happening in Bella's room. I had indistinguishable images and confused thoughts coming from Charlie, so I mostly relied on Bella's words and the tone of her voice. When she replied to Charlie's question, her tone sounded confused and disoriented. "Charlie? Mom was supposed to tell you. Why didn't she tell you?"
I heard Charlie's confusion and embarrassment in his thoughts. He realized he had come into Bella's room expecting to find us in a clandestine circumstance but found only Bella in the midst of a nightmare and talking incoherently. "Tell me what Bells?" I heard him asked her once more.
What I heard next shocked me. I knew it had to be Bella's voice, and yet it sounded a little like her mother. "Charlie, Isabella talks in her sleep."
Bella began to scream, but it was quickly muffled. I felt Charlie's shock and heard him ask, "Bella?" I focused intently on Charlie's mind and realized he had put his hand over her mouth in an attempt to stop her scream. Through his waves of fear, he said, "Bella? Are you awake?" But he thought, Is she okay? What if I shouldn't have woken her up? Didn't I read once it could be harmful to wake someone up . . . wait that was for sleepwalkers.
At some point, he must have removed his hand from Bella's mouth because I heard her clearly say, "What?" I guessed she was finally awake.
"Bella? Are you okay? Are you awake?" From Charlie's tone and thoughts, I knew he was very worried, but he was too shocked to think clearly.
I sensed Bella's confusion by the tone of her voice. Despite the fact that I could not hear her thoughts, I was slowly learning to read her tones. "Where's mom? When did she come?"
"Bella," Charlie said quietly, "Your mom isn't here."
"But I just heard her." Her confusion became more evident as she spoke.
"No Bella, that was you," Charlie's voice sounded puzzled and concerned. He also wondered if Bella was awake or if she was still talking in her sleep. Had I been able to, I could have informed him that Bella was definitely awake. Even from this distance, and listening intently, I could hear the slight shift in her breathing and heart rate.
"Me?" Her breathing quickened, as did her pulse.
"Bells, do you talk in your sleep?" Should I have known this before? Did Bella talk in her sleep as a child? Why didn't I know this? What kind of father am I? Charlie's thoughts revealed his concern for Bella and his role as a father.
"Mom didn't tell you? She promised me." There was a slight pause and I could hear someone shifting positions. "Dad, help me sit up." Charlie felt slightly uncomfortable; he was not use to close contact with his daughter. As much as I knew he loved her, he still felt awkward about displaying his feelings to her. He thought too much parental concern would erect a barrier between their developing but brittle relationship. "Dad, mom promised she would warn you about the fact that I talk in my sleep. She knew I felt uncomfortable talking to you about it. I do it quite often, but usually no one hears me. Why did you come into my room?"
"I thought I heard voices. I thought, now don't get mad, but I thought that boy was in here with you." Yes, Charlie's thoughts as he first approached Bella's door revealed a lot about his concerns and worries.
"Dad, he isn't that boy. His name is Edward, and if you think I'd do something like that under your nose, then you've no faith or trust in me. Besides, I've never, never done anything like that." Bella's tone had turned more serious, as did Charlie's thoughts. He hadn't meant to refer to me as a boy; he wanted to say man, but refrained. I knew a serious moment was occurring between Bella and her father, and that it wasn't right to listen, but since it concerned me as well, I felt compelled to listen.
Bella's change in tone made him more alert; he was deciding if he should ask some more pointed questions, like how serious was serious. Instead, he said, "Bella, I'm sorry. It was just that I heard voices, and I'm sorry I thought the worse." He thought he should apologize first before asking for more information because his thoughts had unquestionably been focused on what every father fears regarding their teenage daughters and boys.
There was a fleeting silence, and then Bella must have decided on her course of action because her voice became more indomitable. "Look dad. I'm serious about how I feel about Edward. In fact, I love him deeply. Maybe I'm old enough to think about things like that, but I would never put myself in a position where I would shock or offend you or mom. I know, you think I'm too young to know about love, I mean real love, but I'm not. I know how I feel about Edward. I ache with loneliness when he is not around, and I feel completely content and fulfilled when I'm with him. I know you at least like him, but don't change your opinion of him because I feel this way toward him." At first, I found it hard to believe she was telling Charlie all of this, but I could tell from her tone that she meant every word. She was committing herself to me in front of her father. A smile crept across my face. She was imparting herself to me. Then I frowned, she was handing herself to me; did she have any idea what that really entailed. Did she really understand what kind of existence I had? I couldn't allow her to do that with her life, and yet I wasn't able to convince myself to relinquish her.
Inside, the discussion continued. Charlie was worried now. He was sure Bella had no idea of what love really was, that she only imagined how she was feeling. He thought his and Renee's feelings would continue and grow, but he knew what happened to them; besides, he thought, Bella was still a child, what did she really know about love. "Bella, you're only seventeen. You haven't even met that many people. How can you know this is love and not a teenage crush? I mean, look at your mom and I, we thought we were in love too, but it didn't work out."
"Dad, I'm not you or mom," there was a slight pause, and if I hadn't know better, I would have thought Bella was able to read minds for she continued, "And I'm not a child. I don't look at the world or my life in a childish way. Ask mom; she knows I've always had a more mature outlook on the world. I know things didn't work out for you and mom; I don't know if it was because you didn't love each other enough or if there were other factors involved, but I do know how I feel. I know how I felt when I left after breaking up with Edward. I couldn't stand to be away from him, that's why I was in such a rush to meet him when he flew to Phoenix. Maybe that's why I was so careless, but despite the accident, I do know how empty my life would be if he weren't a part of it." There was a slight pause before she continued, "I promise, if we decide to get engaged or married, you'll be the first person we tell."
I'm not sure who was more shocked by that last comment; Charlie instantly saw Bella in a resplendent white wedding dress, but the backdrop was a deep red. I, on the other hand, was shocked beyond thought. Was she seriously thinking along those lines? I was thrilled and angry at the same time. I couldn't deny I wanted her, but I refused to take any steps that would condemn her to following my existence. Then I thought about the red background in Charlie's vision of Bella and wondered if that was what people meant when they said they were seeing red.
Intruding upon those thoughts was Bella's next comment, "I'll make him ask permission first, okay?" There was a hint of humor in her voice. Maybe she only mentioned the engagement and marriage as a way to lighten the situation. I couldn't tell if I felt relieved or disappointed by that fact.
The relief in Charlie, however, was evident from his thoughts. She's joking. I can accept that. "Bella, I just worry about you, and I only want the best for you."
"Believe it or not dad, Edward is the best for me. Now, if it's okay with you, I need to get up and wash my face."
"Do you need some help?" Charlie's mind was rushing through uncomfortable thoughts about helping Bella, and hoping she'd tell him she wouldn't need his help.
"No, dad. I can do this. I'll call Alice later if I need help. What time is it?"
"It's around ten," he said, but he thought, That's a relief. "I planned on going into work today, but if you need me to stay," maybe I should stay around until Alice comes over.
"No, dad. You go and do whatever it is you need to do. I'll be fine. Besides, Edward is coming over later, and Alice is only a phone call away. Oh, and dad, please don't tell mom what I just said. I think it would be best if I told her first. In fact, I'll email her later today, and as soon as she reads it you will probably receive a very heated call from her, but tell her to stop yelling at you and call me." She was getting serious if she was willing to email her mother about us. "You might want to be careful listening in on my sleep talking. You never know if what I'm saying is reality or part of some extremely weird dream I'm having." I wondered if I played a role in those extremely weird dreams.
"Your dreams can't be any weirder than mine, but at least I don't talk in my sleep . . .. It's a good thing I don't," and with that last comment, a picture of Alice in her prom dress flashed briefly in and out of his thoughts.
The minute I heard Charlie exiting the room with thoughts of getting ready for work, I instantly returned to Bella's room. She was attempting to maneuver her way out of bed, but I wasn't ready for her to leave yet. I wrapped my arms around her warm body and softly said, "Did you do that for me?" I couldn't help but caress her white neck with my lips.
"No," she murmured, and I felt her pulse quicken. I liked that I had that affect on her, but I hated myself at the same time for taking pleasure in that fact. Despite her reactions, she continued, "I did that for us. I thought I'd broach the subject on my terms rather than his. You did say he planned to talk to me; I just saved him the trouble of finding a way to introduce the subject." I could feel the blood racing through the veins in her neck. How close that blood was to my lips, and how sweet it smelled. Bella still failed to realize how tempting she was to my natural thirst, but the love I felt for her helped stop the monster within me from gratifying it voracious lust for her blood.
I needed to stop thinking about her blood and think about something more neutral, but even as I said, "You really were talking in your sleep," I couldn't stop myself from kissing the other side of her neck. I had no desire to stop relishing the feel of her warm silky skin, or the human desires that were escalating within me. Her blood was not all I lusted after. The feel of her skin and the taste of her lips also filled my mind with an insatiable desire for more.
I knew the affect my kisses were having on Bella because her voice was richer and breathier. "I didn't know I fell asleep. Was I getting hysterical? I nearly died when I thought my mother was in the room, but Charlie said it was my voice even though I distinctly heard my mother's voice."
I enjoyed the fact that I could affect her in this manner, but she did need to know that her mother was never present. "It may have sounded like her voice to you, but it was coming out of your mouth."
I continued kissing her. She was addictive, and she responded to my every touch. I understood why Emmett and Jasper enjoyed their time alone with Rosalie and Alice respectively. I never realized what I had been missing all these years, but I needed to remind myself that it would not last. I had continued taking Bella away from life with the knowledge that I needed to restore her to her old life, but at the same time, I refused to return her.
Suddenly, Bella launched herself at me, but she nearly fell out of the bed because of the cast. An image of her sprawled on the floor with a second broken leg flashed across my vision, and I knew if it had happened, it would have been my fault. Once again, my actions nearly caused Bella more pain.
"Bella," I said anxiously. "Are you okay?"
"No," she moaned.
I gently scooped her up, placed her on my lap, and looked deeply into her soft brown eyes. I felt her heart race faster, but her breathing completely stopped. "Breath, Bella, before you hyperventilate," I smiled. Once again, I dazzled her. My lovely Bella, how was I ever going to resist her? I decided not to and kissed her luscious soft lips, and then I breathed her into my being. Every deep breath I took, was like taking a deep drink of her aroma, and I decided at that moment that that was the most I could ever take from her and not feel like the monster I knew I was.
Then, Bella released her pent up emotions and placed her lips firmly upon mine. She was as good at this as she said I was. I had meant to draw away, but instead I felt myself responding to her passion. It was heavenly to feel this way, but one of us had to stop before it erupted into something neither of us would be able to control, so I slowly and reluctantly began to pull away from her. "Where did that come from?" My shock at what almost happened was evident in my voice.
"From deep within," she murmured and buried her face in my chest.
"Bella, what am I going to do with you?" I laughed. Without a doubt, she wasn't aware of the total affect she had on me.
"Make me a part of you forever, never leave me, and love me beyond all imagination." She was getting better at this. She seemed to find the perfect time to say just the right words, almost as if she had read my mind. I almost asked her just that, but then she quickly said, "I need a human moment, if you don't mind," and got up off of my lap.
Oh yes, Bella was definitely getting better at this and I couldn't help but laugh at that bit of knowledge. I would have to be more careful in the future, or she would one day catch me at a vulnerable moment and I would give in to anything she asked. I began to realize that where Bella was concerned I was not as strong as I thought I was and that could be dangerous for us both.
Bella turned with a slightly graceful pivot, took my face gently between her delicate white hands and said with a coy smile, "And, Edward, I've decided to tell you everything I'm thinking."
My surprise must have been evident on my face, for she smiled slyly at me before she picked up her bag and hobbled into the bathroom. I had time to reflect upon her words, and I wondered what she had planned.
The one thing that surprised me the most about Bella was that it was impossible to second-guess what she would do next. At times, I found her the most unpredictable person I had ever encountered, and I knew beyond any doubt that I would never find anyone like Bella ever again. No, she was definitely unique. How could I possibly forfeit someone so special and rare? Everyday she was becoming increasingly more a part of me, but I couldn't convince myself to change her because I knew deep inside that I didn't deserve her and she didn't deserve to endure an existence like mine. In the end, were we going to hurt each other or just ourselves? I wanted her to hurt me by leaving. I deserved to be hurt, but she didn't deserve any pain. Her life should only be filled with the happiest of moments, and a love that would never cause her pain or heartache. I felt she could never have that with a creature like me.
