AN: The characters of Twilight do not belong to me. Edward, Bella, and the rest of the characters are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. The ideas may be mine, but the rest belongs to her.
I hope my offering is enjoyed.
Edited 9-12-07
A New Day & a Promise – Bella
After having Edward help me wrap my cast in plastic, I took my shower. I discovered it was good place to think without being distracted by Edward's presence or touch.
I noticed my thoughts were clearer when I was apart from Edward. I found positive and negative outcomes to this fact. It was positive because I thought more logically than emotionally, and I had time to plan what to say or do next in my relationship with Edward. The negative side was that I was away from him, and in my human condition, and this I thought about a lot, time was fleeting. I knew I was living on borrowed time and soon fate would catch up with me, and when it finally did, I wasn't sure if I would survive. Edward had already saved me four times, but what would happen if he wasn't nearby to save me? I could see that Edward would have to make a decision, either change me or lose me. It was important to me to know which he would do when the final confrontation with fate occurred. Edward was always asking me what I was thinking; I decided it was time I start telling him without editing, if possible, even if it made him angry. If I made him angry enough while revealing my inner most thoughts and feelings, he would either consent to change me or he'd leave me, and, if he left me, I might as well be dead because there would be no life for me without him. The question I had to ask myself was could I keep a clear enough mind to tell Edward what I actually thought while wrapped in his arms.
After my shower, I walked into the bedroom towel drying my hair. My decisive moment had occurred. Could I keep my resolve and truly tell Edward what I was thinking?
"I was just thinking." I took a pause to clear my head; no matter how often I was around him, his eyes and scent overwhelmed me. Then I jumped in, "I don't want you to change me. I realized . . ." but I stopped in mid-sentence because of the look on Edward's face. It was a very intense puzzled yet shocked look. "What? Did I do something wrong?" I stopped towel drying my hair and stared at him.
"No, not wrong, but did you just hear what you said?" He continued to look at me quizzically.
I walked over where he was seated cross-legged on the now made bed and sat down in front of him with my casted leg hanging over the edge. "Yes, I know what I just said because I have been thinking about the ramification of what could occur if you changed me now." Okay, I seemed to have his full attention and surprisingly my thoughts were clear. "If you changed me now, I'd have to disappear, especially for the three days while I'm changing. Charlie would become very suspicious of you and would demand to know where I was. Also, I wouldn't be able to finish out the school year, and I've missed enough school because of my last little incident." He laughed at that. "In addition, it'd be better if I wasn't living at home or going to high school when the change occurred because then no one would wonder where I was because we could make up some plausible lie that would be accepted." I stopped still watching his reaction. At least he didn't seem mad, just slightly taken aback at my unexpected revelation. "Am I wrong?"
"No Bella. These issues do need to be considered. The fact that you've taken time to think about them surprises me especially after the way you've been trying to convince me to change you. Why the sudden change?" Now he looked as though he suspected some subterfuge designed to make him change his mind.
I wanted to put his mind at ease, so I continued, "Rational thinking has returned. I've discovered if I do my real thinking while I'm away from you, I look at things more logically rather than emotionally. That can be rather hard to do when you're around."
He smiled, reached over, and pulled me toward him. "Oh, is that so?" He positioned him self so he could pull me onto his lap with my back leaned up against his chest. Then he moved my hair aside exposing the right side of my neck. Next, he began kissing my neck at the base and slowly moved his kisses up my neck.
As he kissed me, I said, "Yes, that's so." My breathing rapidly increased and so did my pulse. "When you do things like that, all reason vanishes and my emotions totally take over. It gets harder to breath, and my heart, well even you know what happens to it. Oh, Edward, how can I think like a rational person while you're sending electrical charges throughout my body?" My voice became softer, and I leaned more into his steely chest wanting to turn enough so his lips would reach my lips. I really hated the cast because it made it harder to shift myself; I wanted his lips to reach mine, and I so wanted to be kissing him back. Then, a still small voice in the back of my mind reminded me that I had not finished telling him what I meant to say before my emotions took control. I knew I had to force myself to regain some control. "Edward," I murmured, but I meant it to sound more forceful. I gathered up what resources I had; I was determined to make my voice more dynamic and said his name again, "Edward," but it came out in a shout.
"Did I hurt you?" He stopped kissing me immediately and withdrew from me a little, but not enough that I might have fallen over since I was leaning entirely on him for support.
"No, I was just trying to get your attention." I laughed slightly. I had been more forceful then originally planned.
"Well you have it, but you didn't need to shout at me." He seemed surprised and maybe a little hurt.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout. I was just trying to be a little more assertive and less emotionally engrossed in your touch." I disentangled myself from his arms and got up off the bed. "I meant what I said about changing me, but I want you to make me a promise."
"Bella, you know I can't deny you anything," he smiled and allowed his eyes to look deeply into mine.
"Edward, don't try to dazzle me, I'm trying to be serious. As to denying me nothing, you do deny me the one thing I truly want."
"But you just said . . ."
And I cut him off by saying, "Yes, and I meant that, but I still would like you to make me a promise." I sat down again on the bed, but this time not so near him.
"Anything." Now his smile did dazzle me. I began to wonder if his perfection and propinquity would ever stop having this result on me.
Would he feel like I felt when I made hasty promises to him? I'd only find out by asking. "Promise me Edward, that if I'm ever about to die, you'll change me. Don't allow me to lose you. Promise me that Edward."
From the look on his face, I knew exactly how he felt. He had said anything, but this promise was not what he had expected. "Bella, you know how I feel about stealing your life from you."
"But, Edward, it wouldn't be you stealing it. It would be something or someone else, and you would be giving me an eternity with you. I wouldn't be losing anything."
"No Bella, I can't." He turned his eyes away from mine, but this time I decided that I needed to do the dazzling. It was my life or loss of it that we were talking about.
I slid closer to him, took his beloved face between my trembling hands, and looked deep into his topaz colored eyes. "Edward, I'm not asking you not to save me if you can, I'm asking you to save me another way if my life is being stolen in some other manner. I have skirted death four times now. First when I sat down beside you in Biology class, second when Tyler's van nearly crushed me, third in Port Angeles, and finally," and I couldn't help but shutter at the memory, "in Phoenix. We've been cheating fate, Edward. What if fate refuses to give up? What if fate wins next time? Will you allow fate to steal me away from you forever?" I never once allowed my eyes to leave his because I knew if I did, he'd be able to look away and then I'd lose his attention.
"Please Edward, promise. Either you change me or allow someone else in your family to change me," I said that in the most beguiling voice I could summon from the depths of my heart. I was determined to hold eye contact until he answered me even if we had to sit there for the rest of the day.
Finally, after a long silence, Edward answered with a slight growl behind his words, "I promise, but only if it's the only way to save you."
"That's all I'm asking at this time. Thank you Edward," and I swiftly kissed him before moving away.
"Bella?" He got up from the bed, stood in front of me and held my face between his hands. He stared intently at me. "What is going on?"
He gently lifted me in his arms, carried me to the old rocking chair, and sat down settling me on his lap, but the whole time his eyes looked deeply into to mine as though he were trying to see my thoughts rather than hear them. There was long silence, and I felt as though I were falling into his eyes; they were so clear and deep.
Edward broke the silence by asking, "Why these changes? Like telling your dad about your feelings for me, telling me everything your thinking, and asking for this promise. This doesn't seem like the Bella I have grown to love and cherish. Why?"
I took a deep breath. "Am I not me any more? Do you suddenly love me less?" At least he wasn't mad because of the promise, and this time, he did not vanish from my sight.
"No. In fact, you are becoming even more desirable because of this new mystery. Your mind doesn't follow a track I can predict. It functions in some alien manner that I can't completely comprehend, and just when I think I've figured out where your thoughts are going, they completely change. I find you totally mystifying and surprisingly more loveable because of your uniqueness." All this time, all I could think was how glorious his face was when he spoke so lovingly to me.
Since I had started telling him my thoughts, I figured I'd just forge ahead and tell him what was going through my mind at that moment. "Your eyes are such deep pools, I could lose myself in them, but I haven't really changed . . . I have . . . what is the word I'm looking for. Evolved? Expanded? Matured? No, those aren't right. You know the mind spends a vast amount of time once in awhile seeking the right word to say what it means. Edward, I haven't changed, I'm . . . I've got it . . . I'm opening up, blossoming, sharing the inner most part of myself with you. I want our relationship to be truthful, honest, and open. I don't want to edit my thoughts for you because I watch you sometimes trying so hard to see what is behind my words. I know it's sometimes a struggle for you when I talk, I can see it in your eyes, because you are so use to hearing what's behind everyone else's words. So, I decided if I tell you everything I'm thinking, then you'll stop frowning when I say something that puzzles or bothers you, but I must warn you, you may not like everything I'm thinking so there you'll have to run the risk of getting angry with me. Just remember, I only want to be open and up front with you."
"And about Charlie," I continued as he held me close, "you said he was going to talk to me anyway, and as I said before, I just thought I would jump in on my own terms and time and tell him how things stood between us. But, you'll notice I didn't tell him everything. I don't know if he'd be thrilled, like I am, if I told him you stay with me every night and hold me while I sleep." I smiled as I said that because warmth just enveloped me, and I felt my face flushing. "I was just thinking how boring it would be to sleep alone, and how depressing it is when you're hunting and there's no one to hold me securely while I'm sleeping. You know Edward, loving you is the best thing that's ever happened in my life. I don't think I can ever go back to being the solitary person I was when I first came here. That Bella was incomplete, and now she has bloomed into a full person because of finding the only person she can ever love." I laid my head on his shoulder and kissed his neck. I don't think I' ever done that before, but I knew how it made me feel when he did it to me, so I thought I'd see how it affected him. Then I whispered in his ear, "What are you thinking?"
"You talk too much," and he wrapped me in his arms and kissed me soundly on the lips then moved to my eyes, nose, cheeks, and neck.
I knew if he kept kissing me, I'd to lose it again and would respond in an unacceptable manner, so I pulled away a little and once again rested my cheek on his shoulder and whispered softly in his ear, "I'm going to get carried away in half a second if you aren't careful. Do you have any idea of the things I'm feeling when you kiss me like that, or how your touch affects me? I think about this a lot and wonder how long can I hold back, and what would happen if I just let go. I long for that more than you might imagine, but then I remind myself that I can't do anything that might drive you away. Maybe that's why I'm so afraid you'll leave me because I've pushed you too far, and you'll decide you can't be anywhere near me. Then I start thinking about the time when you'll grow tired of me and not be interested in me anymore. You'll stop loving me, and then I'll be alone. My life will be void of all meaning," and while I spilled all these thoughts, he caressed my neck with his lips and kissed my ears and eyelids, and I became increasingly disoriented to what I was saying but let my mouth run with the thoughts that were flowing through my mind.
"And your lips are sending tingling sensations throughout my body, and I want it to continue and never stop or end, but a voice in the back of my mind keeps whispering 'this is only temporary. You'll grow old and he'll leave you. You'll be alone until you die. Death will be even more of a friend because then you're aching will end.' Then my hearts begin to ache and . . ." I stopped. I felt my voice catch and tears began to run down my cheeks, and I was unable to stop them. Edward pulled away and looked shocked by what I said. "Please don't be angry Edward."
"Bella, I'm not angry at you. I'm angry with myself because I'm the one who ends up causing you all this pain. I find myself, at times, wishing I had stayed away from you. If I had stayed in Alaska, you wouldn't be going through these feelings. You'd be happier and leading a normal life."
With tears streaming down my cheek, I interrupted his comments by saying, "No Edward. I would be dead. Had you stayed away, Tyler's van would've crushed me and no one would've been there to save my life. I'm only alive now because of you."
"But Bella . . ."
"Don't Edward. You know this is true; you know it as well as I do. You stopped fate; you changed my destiny. You're responsible for me being here now. I owe you my life, but it doesn't change how I feel toward you. Nothing will ever change how I feel toward you. I believe it's also part of my destiny to love you forever. Nobody can ever replace you in my heart or desires. Edward, don't leave me." I was afraid I may have gone to far again and the tears refused to stop.
"Don't cry Bella. I promised I would never leave you. Can't you believe that?" He began kissing my teary cheek.
I tried to keep my voice from breaking, "Yes and no."
"Why?"
"As long as I'm human, I'll age. The time will come when you'll not want me around because I'll be too old. Even if you stayed, it wouldn't be enough. Just having you kiss me or hold me like now or as I sleep will one day not be enough. My feelings and needs will become stronger and harder to resist. One day I may force you to act in a way that will hurt both of us and it might not be correctable." The more I talked, the more I cried. I was becoming angrier with myself and the situation.
Edward held me tighter. "Bella, my little Bella. What am I going to do with you?" Edward sighed. But was his sigh a sign of frustration, acceptance, or resistance to the inevitable?
I wanted to be open and honest. "I thought it would be a good idea to tell you everything I was thinking, but this is becoming harder and I am becoming angry at myself for telling you all this. I hadn't meant to say things that would hurt either of us, but the more of my thoughts I tell you, the more I think and now I feel like I'm just rambling and if you don't shut me up, I'm going to end up . . ." and he did shut me up by pressing his cold inviting lips on mine.
When he finally let me come up for air, he said, "Bella, you don't have to tell me everything you're thinking. Maybe it's better if I don't know everything you think. In fact, the more you talk the less time we have for this," and he kissed me again. "You've already said you don't want me to change you. Does that mean you'll stop asking?"
I tried not to lose control as he kissed me, but the effort must have broken down a barrier I had erected or I would not have allowed the following to come out of my mouth. "I said now isn't the right time, but there's nothing better than having you with me. Life has no meaning without you. You're my angel. My world now revolves around you. I have no life and I want no life without you, and I definitely don't want any other man in my life, I just want you forever throughout all eternity."
As he continued caressing my neck and cheek with his kisses he said, "What other man? Is someone else seeking your attention?"
"No," I replied softly, "but you said if you hadn't been around, I'd be living a normal life, which means, eventually, some man would try to attract my attention. Like Mike, Eric, and Tyler did, but look what happened to them. I turned them all down, partly because of you, but also because they didn't interest me in any way. Friends yes, anything else no. I don't want to talk about this anymore. My emotions are taking over. Could you just kiss me?" And he obligingly did. At some point, he carried me back over to the bed, and we laid there and continued kissing. Time became irrelevant to me, all that mattered was that I was in his arms and his lips were on me.
Unfortunately, time wasn't irrelevant to my stomach. When it began to growl, Edward knew what to do. "I think it's time to feed the human," so he carried me downstairs where I slapped together a quick sandwich while he poured me a glass of milk.
As I sat down to eat my boring meal, Edward reached around from behind to hug me and whispered softly in my ear, "So, besides sharing your inner most thoughts with me, what else would you like to do today?"
"Hmm. You know, I did give that some thought this morning."
"And here I thought you were going to tell me everything." He caressed my neck with his lips.
If I was ever to finish my lunch, for it was now well after twelve, he would have to stop kissing my neck because it was just too hard to chew and swallow when other emotions were welling up inside of me. "You're right, but I got side tracked from this thought because of others you created, and I'll never finish my lunch if you keep side tracking me."
He moved my hair off the back of my neck and worked around to the other side with his lips. "Do you mean this?" And he caressed my neck even more with his lips.
"Um, that does distract. Who would want to eat when activities like this are taking place?" I put my sandwich down, totally forgotten.
"Well, then maybe I should stop," but he didn't, he just worked around to the other side again.
"Yah, maybe you should," there was little emphasis behind my words because I just leaned my neck more into his kisses.
"So, what do you want to do this afternoon?" How could he talk and not break the movement of his lips around my neck? For someone who claimed he didn't remember much about being human, he sure had the romance perfected.
"Well, I'd like to go to the meadow today." Lunch ended; I couldn't focus on food with his lips brushing back and forth on my neck.
Edward chuckled, "You know what that means."
I gave a little moan, not only because I knew he'd have to carry me, but because of the feelings that were swelling inside of me. "Yes, but I've already resolved myself to that fact. You go home and get transportation, and don't hurry on my account because while you're gone, I'm going to email my mother." That thought brought a groan to my lips.
"Are you sure Bella? Telling Charlie was one thing, but telling your mother?"
"No, I need to do this now while my resolve is set."
"You do have the courage of a lion, no matter what you say about yourself. I will give you ten minutes, and then I'll be back." He chuckled as he finally stopped kissing my neck.
"No, Edward, give me at least fifteen." As he got up to leave, I amended, "Better make that twenty, it'll take me five just to get up the stairs."
Instead of leaving, he scooped me up in his strong arms and rushed me up to my room. "Now you only need fifteen," he laughed.
I booted up my computer and waited for it to finish loading; at first I thought that would take my entire fifteen minutes, but while it was laboring to load, I began to write my message in my head, so that when it was ready, so was I.
Mom
I won't tell you to sit down because I know you already are. So here is my news. Edward took me to the prom last night, despite my overwhelming protests, and I surprisingly enjoyed the experience. It was not the prom I enjoyed, however, as much as the company. I really want you to get to know Edward better because I have come to a momentous decision – I'm going to marry him as soon as I can convince him to propose. Now, don't hyperventilate or scream, just hear me out. I love Edward more than I can explain, and yes, I remember your talk about the difference between love, lust, and teenage boys, but mom, this is love. It must be what you felt for Phil when you told me you were going to marry him, and I must admit, I didn't understand what you saw in him, but he was your choice so I accepted that you knew what you were doing. Be as understanding with me – please. I have given this a lot of thought, and I know what I feel for Edward. This feeling comes from deep within my heart, and if I admit the truth to myself, I loved him the first time I saw him. This is not something I would say if it weren't true. In fact, it would be easier to say it's only a crush, but mom, that would be lying to you and me. And don't blame this on Charlie. He had no way of knowing I would fall in love with anyone who lived in Folks, in fact, I'd never have thought it possible, but it has happened, it is true, and my heart has been given to Edward. If you ever learned anything about me in all these years, you must remember that once I have made a decision about something important, I do not change my mind. I'm not flighty like all of those other teenage girls I went to school with. Remember how we use to laugh over their weekly boyfriends and conjectured on who they would fall madly in love with the next week. Well, that is not me. And to emphasis how I feel, I will be happy to live in Forks for the rest of my natural life if that is were Edward chooses to live, and if he chooses to move to Alaska or any other remote area, I will gladly follow him. I am sorry this is coming as a shock to you and that it is in an email, but I thought it was better this way before I call you and talk about my feelings. And please don't call Charlie and start yelling at him. There is no way he could have seen this coming and no way could he have prevented it. I must go; Edward will be here in a few minutes to take me on a picnic.
Love Bella
I had the mouse poised over the send button when Edward interrupted, "Are you really going to send that to your mom?"
With profound determination, I clicked the mouse and sent the message. "Does that answer your question?" There was a touch of irritation in my voice. "How long have you been standing there?" I never meant him to read the message to my mom. He knew how I felt, but this was the first time I put it into words.
"Long enough. So, how are you going to convince me?"
I could feel the blush beginning at the tips of my toes and by the time it reached my face, it would be shockingly red. "People who invade the privacy of others may learn unsettling information, but that's the risk of being overly inquisitive."
That crooked smile I loved so much spread across his face. "And others turn a lovely shade of red when caught."
"Do you think it'll overwhelm her? I wanted her to know how serious I am; not like in the hospital when I was trying to soothe her fears. Are you upset about that comment?" Not only was I blushing, but also I felt extremely reluctant to look at his eyes for fear I would see rejection in them.
Edward took my chin in his hand and tilted my face up so my eyes met his. "Did you really fall in love with me the first time you saw me?"
"Indubitably." I turned off the computer, got up, and hobbled toward the door. "Can we go now?" I wasn't sure if I was ready to tell him more yet. Once in the meadow I could say things that might upset him, but he couldn't run away from me because he'd never leave me there by myself. Besides, I felt these were things I needed to say, to get them out in the open so I would stop brooding over them. I was very thankful, once again, that my mind was one he could not invade or over hear.
I hadn't noticed he moved, but I found him instantly in front of me asking, "Are you going to explain that?" His eyes held mine, but my resolve was set, and I was determined I wouldn't let him dazzle me this time.
So, in order to avoid the dazzle, I leaned toward him and whispered, "I'll tell you later," then planted a swift kiss on his lusciously scented lips.
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Next up Edward's PoV.
