A/N: This is Edwards chapter. Once again, these characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Hope every one enjoys Edwards PoV and let's me know what they think by reviewing.
Edited 9-12-07
A New Day & A Promise – Edward
After I helped Bella wrap her cast in plastic, she went to take a shower. While she was gone, I made her bed and savored her aroma on the sheets and blankets. Her scent even permeated my clothing. I realized all my clothing eventually would be Bella scented. I wondered if, while hunting, her human scent would warn off the prey. I realized I was beginning to make Bella's bedroom an extension of my home. I felt very comfortable spending my evening with Bella. I enjoyed the feel of her next to me in bed; her warmth tantalized my senses, as did her proximity. How was I going to give this up? When the time came, how was I going to give her up? No, for me the bigger question was 'was I willing to give her up.' If I was truthful with myself, the answer was irrefutably no.
Sometime, having acute hearing was an asset, but as I listened to the water running in the shower, I began to wonder if that were still true. My mind was focused fully on Bella, and knowing what she was currently doing created images in my mind of her actions – images I needed to repress because they weren't gentlemanly and they stimulated desires that needed repressing. Emmett had been right about one thing, there were many activities Bella and I couldn't share, but at least I could share my time with her. I had to remind myself that that would be enough. While I had Bella, I wouldn't feel alone.
Bella walked out towel drying her hair. Her scent was fresh and overwhelming; I loved the smell of her, but I loved the look of her ever more.
"I was just thinking."
I smiled at Bella's comment; it seemed she was always thinking, but not necessarily sharing.
"I don't want you to change me. I realized . . ."
I was astounded; I couldn't believe what she just said. Where had that come from?
"What? Did I do something wrong?" Bella gave me a quizzical look as she stopped drying her hair.
"No, not wrong, but did you just hear what you said?" This wasn't like Bella. Would she really stop asking me to change her? Had she changed her mind about me? I didn't want to investigate that thought because I couldn't envision an existence with Bella. So, what made her change her mind?
Bella walked over to me, I sat cross-legged on her bed, and sat down in front of me. "Yes, I know what I just said because I've been thinking about the ramification of what could occur if you changed me now."
Okay, she had my full attention.
"If you changed me now, I'd have to disappear, especially for the three days while I'm changing. Charlie would become very suspicious of you and would demand to know where I was. Also, I wouldn't be able to finish out the school year, and I've missed enough school because of my last little incident."
I laughed at that comment and silently acknowledged the maturity of her thinking.
"In addition, it'd be better if I wasn't living at home or going to high school when the change occurred because then no one would wonder where I was because we could make up some plausible lie that would be accepted. Am I wrong?" Her eyes gazed into mine looking for confirmation.
Absolutely not, I thought, she has given this careful consideration. I was proud of her for taking the time to contemplate this matter. "No Bella. These issues do need to be considered. The fact that you have taken time to think about them surprises me especially after the way you've been trying to convince me to change you. Why the sudden change?" I wondered if she hid ulterior motives. Had she decided she didn't want to spend eternity with me? Maybe her experience being hunted had affected her feelings for me. Could that be the reason for this change in thinking?
Bella smiled. "Rational thinking has returned. I've discovered if I do my real thinking while I'm away from you, I look at things more logically rather than emotionally. That can be rather hard to do when you're around."
If I still stimulated her emotionally, then she hadn't changed her mind about me. I felt I needed to find out how emotional I could make her. "Oh, is that so?" I pulled her onto my lap so her back leaned up against my chest. I slowly moved her hair aside exposing the right side of her neck, and then gently but methodically began to explore her neck with my lips. I wanted to ask how emotional she was feeling, but decided to continue my exploration.
I could feel Bella's pulse quicken and her breathing rapidly increased. I decided if I could really make her feel this way, maybe she wasn't thinking about leaving me or ending our relationship. This couldn't just be a physical experience for her; I didn't believe Bella could be that shallow.
Breathlessly Bella said, "Yes, that's so. When you do things like that, all reason vanishes and my emotions totally take over. It gets harder to breath, and my heart, well even you know what happens to it. Oh, Edward, how can I think like a rational person while you're sending electrical charges throughout my body?" Her voice became softer, and she leaned closer.
Bella's reaction was nothing compared to mine. I enjoyed her closeness, but I consciously continued to remind myself of how breakable Bella was; I couldn't afford to relax my control even the slightest bit.
"Edward," Bella murmured and then she shouted, "Edward."
I instantly stopped afraid I had done something to harm Bella. I had been so careful, but maybe I hadn't been careful enough. "Did I hurt you?"
"No, I was just trying to get your attention," she laughed slightly.
"Well you have it, but you didn't need to shout at me." I had been surprised at the force behind the shout and a little upset at my inattention to her verbal tone. I should have known she wanted to tell me something without forcing her to find another way to capture my non-romantic attention.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout. I was just trying to be a little more assertive and less emotionally engrossed in your touch." She disentangled herself from my arms and got up off the bed. "I meant what I said about changing me, but I want you to make me a promise."
"Bella, you know I can't deny you anything," I smiled and looked deeply into her shining eyes.
"Edward, don't try to dazzle me, I'm trying to be serious."
I hadn't meant to dazzle her. Was it the smile or looking into her eyes that dazzled? Maybe it was both.
"As to denying me nothing, you do deny me the one thing I truly want."
"But you just said . . ." Did I miss something, or was she changing her mind. Bella was the only person who could surprise me by what she said. Total realization of how spoiled I had become from hearing people's thoughts became more evident as I spent more time with Bella. I couldn't prepare myself for what Bella was about to say because I never knew from one moment to the next what she would say.
She cut me off by adding, "Yes, and I meant that, but I still would like you to make me a promise." She sat down again on the bed, but this time kept some distance between us.
Okay, she was agreeing not to talk about being changed, so how bad could the promise be. I already assured her I would stay as long as she wanted me around. My love was steadfast; I wouldn't go back on that. To show her I was sincere, I gave her my best smile and said, "Anything."
"Promise me Edward, that if I'm ever about to die, you'll change me. Don't allow me to lose you. Promise me that Edward."
How could she ask that? "Bella, you know how I feel about stealing your life from you."
"But, Edward, it wouldn't be you stealing it. It would be something or someone else, and you would be giving me an eternity with you. I wouldn't be losing anything."
"No Bella, I can't." I couldn't even look at her, not because of what she asked but because my mind recreated the image of her dying in the dance studio.
She slid closer to me, held my face lovingly between her trembling hands, and looked deep into my eyes. I felt I could lose myself in her eyes; there was such depth in them that they held me spellbound. Her voice was amazingly alluring as she said, "Edward, I'm not asking you not to save me if you can, I'm asking you to save me another way if my life is being stolen in some other manner. I have skirted death four times now. First when I sat down beside you in Biology class, second when Tyler's van nearly crushed me, third in Port Angeles, and finally," I felt her body shudder and I knew she would bring up the near catastrophe with James, "in Phoenix. We've been cheating fate, Edward. What if fate refuses to give up? What if fate wins next time? Will you allow fate to steal me away from you forever?"
She never once broke eye contact as she held me mesmerized, but every word she said pulled at my heart. She was right, her life should've been snatched away each time but I wouldn't allow it to happen. The worst was with James since I felt responsible for that one. If she hadn't been with us, James would never have noticed her. She would have been safe at home and he would never have wondered into town. Phoenix was actually the closest I had come to losing her and if I hadn't been able to suck out the venom, she would definitely have been changed. I was ready to shudder at the thought of losing her in any manner. Didn't she realize how precious she was to me? Had I never told her how much she means to me?
"Please Edward, promise. Either you change me or allow someone else in your family to change me."
Her voice was so beguiling; it touched my cold heart with such warmth and love. I wanted to say yes, but I couldn't envision myself as the one to take her life. Her life was too precious to me, but she counted on me; I was her hope so how could I destroy that hope. Once again, my resolve was reinforced with the belief that I would never allow her to be in a position where her life would be threatened. I would keep her alive, so I made her this promise with the belief that I'd never have to follow through. Still, it was hard to say the words, so I had to force them out. "I promise, but only if it's the only way to save you."
"That's all I'm asking at this time. Thank you Edward." The relief in her voice was so evident, and her swift kiss enthralled me. My heartache at making that promise was worth the loving look on her face.
But a realization quickly came to my mind. Bella had done a number of odd things since I brought her home last night. She openly revealed her feelings about me to her father, she said she was going to email her mother about our relationship, and she asked me to make a promise a about changing her. I needed to know exactly what was going on in Bella's mind. If she wasn't going to keep her thoughts from me, then it was time to ask her to share them.
"Bella?" I rose from the bed, stood in front of her and held her face between my hands. I gazed deep in her eyes seeking answers. "What is going on?"
I wanted her to feel relaxed and comfortable, so I gently picked her up and carried her to the old rocking chair. I sat down and placed her on my lap. The whole time I looked deeply into her dark brown eyes. I thought if I looked deep enough, I would see into her mind, but an impenetrable wall surrounded her mind. An extended hush fell over the room, and I fell into her trusting eyes and I lost myself to her open and honest soul. I could spend eternity gazing into her soul and never want to return. Was this what she meant by being dazzled? Was she dazzling me? At that moment, I felt I would have done anything she asked, anything.
I finally broke the silence. "Why these changes? Like telling your dad about your feelings for me, telling me everything your thinking, and asking for this promise. This doesn't seem like the Bella I have grown to love and cherish. Why the change?"
She took a deep breath. "Am I not me any more? Do you suddenly love me less?"
"No." How could she think that, to me she was always a surprise waiting to jump out and excite my emotions? "In fact, you are becoming even more desirable because of this new mystery. Your mind doesn't follow a track I can predict. It functions in some alien manner that I can't completely comprehend, and just when I think I've figured out where your thoughts are going, they completely change. I find you totally mystifying and surprisingly more loveable because of your uniqueness."
She took another deep breath before saying, "Your eyes are such deep pools, I could lose myself in them, but I haven't really changed . . . I have . . . what is the word I'm looking for. Evolved? Expanded? Matured? No, those aren't right. You know the mind spends a vast amount of time once in awhile seeking the right word to say what it means. Edward, I haven't changed, I'm . . . I've got it . . . I'm opening up, blossoming, sharing the inner most part of myself with you. I want our relationship to be truthful, honest, and open. I don't want to edit my thoughts for you because I watch you sometimes trying so hard to see what is behind my words. I know it's sometimes a struggle for you when I talk, I can see it in your eyes, because you are so use to hearing what's behind everyone else's words. So, I decided if I tell you everything I'm thinking, then you'll stop frowning when I say something that puzzles or bothers you, but I must warn you, you may not like everything I'm thinking so there you'll have to run the risk of getting angry with me. Just remember, I only want to be open and up front with you."
I cradled her closer to my body. I reveled in the fact that she was sharing these feelings with me.
"And about Charlie, you said he was going to talk to me anyway, and as I said before, I just thought I would jump in on my own terms and time and tell him how things stood between us. But, you'll notice I didn't tell him everything. I don't know if he'd be thrilled, like I am, if I told him you stay with me every night and hold me while I sleep."
Because of how close I held her, I could not see the blush rushing into her checks, but I could feel the warmth of that blush as it crept through her body.
"I was just thinking how boring it would be to sleep alone, and how depressing it is when you're hunting and there's no one to hold me securely while I'm sleeping. You know Edward, loving you is the best thing that's ever happened in my life. I don't think I can ever go back to being the solitary person I was when I first came here. That Bella was incomplete, and now she has bloomed into a full person because of finding the only person she can ever love."
She was sharing my feelings of completeness; that thought thrilled me more than I imaged possible, but what she did next sent amazing sensations throughout my body. She laid her head on my shoulder and began to kiss my neck.
Then she whispered in my ear, "What are you thinking?"
How much more of this could I take and still keep control of my soaring emotions. I wanted to find out, so I said, "You talk too much," and wrapped my arms lovingly around her supple body and kissed her soundly on the lips. Then I moved on to her eyes, nose, cheeks, and neck.
I wondered which of us would pull away first. I could hear the rapidity of Bella's heart; could it continue to beat that rapidly without damage. Could I actually shorten her life by over taxing her heart? I tried to remember if I had garnered any knowledge from medical school that would help answer that question. Before I could stop myself, however, Bella pulled away a little, rested her cheek on my shoulder, and whispered softly, "I'm going to get carried away in half a second if you aren't careful. Do you have any idea of the things I'm feeling when you kiss me like that, or how your touch affects me? I think about this a lot and wonder how long can I hold back, and what would happen if I just let go."
I chuckled very quietly because it thrilled me to know I had this affect on her. If my heart hadn't been a cold stone, it would have quickened its beating at the feelings swelling up in me that I could stimulate someone to such passion.
"I long for that more than you might imagine, but then I remind myself that I can't do anything that might drive you away. Maybe that's why I'm so afraid you'll leave me because I'll have pushed you too far, and you'll decide you can't be anywhere near me. Then I start thinking about the time when you'll grow tired of me and not be interested in me anymore. You'll stop loving me, and then I'll be alone. My life will be void of all meaning."
While she spoke, I caressed her neck with my lips and then moved on to her ears and her eyelids. I found it hard to stop even though I knew I should. My passion for Bella seemed to be the driving motivations behind my actions and every word she said tugged on my heart.
"And your lips are sending tingling sensations throughout my body; and I want it to continue and never stop or end, but a voice in the back of my mind keeps whispering 'this is only temporary. You'll grow old and he'll leave you. You'll be alone until you die. Death will be even more of a friend because then you're aching will end.' Then my hearts begin to ache and . . ."
I couldn't believe Bell was saying that. These same fears plagued me; the fear that our time together was only temporary because I felt Bella would regain her common sense and walk away from me forever. I hadn't realized she might be thinking along these same lines. How could she think I would break my promise? But, then again, what would happen as she aged and how could she accept death as a friend when it took her beautiful life. Her death to me was an enemy because it would do just that to her, steal her life, which I found overwhelmingly precious. I could tell Bella was crying. I hated myself every time I caused her to cry. She deserved better. I was a monster for causing her pain. She should never cry because of me. I became angry with myself and pulled away from her.
"Please don't be angry Edward."
"Bella, I'm not angry at you. I'm angry with myself because I'm the one who ends up causing you all this pain. I find myself, at times, wishing I had stayed away from you. If I had stayed in Alaska, you wouldn't be going through these feelings. You'd be happier and leading a normal life." I truly believed her life would be richer and fuller if I had never entered it. What she said next would have stopped my heart if it had been beating.
"No Edward. I would be dead. Had you stayed away, Tyler's van would've crushed me and no one would have been there to save my life. I'm only alive now because of you."
"But Bella . . ." I couldn't fathom were she was going with this thought; besides, I believed she would've survived the crash even if I hadn't been present. In my mind, I didn't believe I couldn't have made that much difference in her survival.
"Don't Edward. You know this is true; you know it as well as I do. You stopped fate; you changed my destiny. You're responsible for me being here now. I owe you my life, but it doesn't change how I feel toward you. Nothing will ever change how I feel toward you. I believe it's also part of my destiny to love you forever. Nobody can ever replace you in my heart or desires. Edward, don't leave me."
Was that what she really believed, that I made the difference between her living or dying. What was it that Alice had said? That I could return home because she saw Bella's death. I had promised to do everything possible to keep Bella safe, maybe I made a difference and played an important role in her life, but would she always feel that way.
One thing I did know for certain, I would not leave Bella and I would tell her that as often as she needed to hear it. "Don't cry Bella. I promised I would never leave you. Can't you believe that?" I kissed her precious tears as they ran down her lovely pale cheek.
"Yes and no."
"Why?" Why did she find it hard to believe me? What thoughts raced through that complex mind of hers?
"As long as I'm human, I'll age. The time will come when you will not want me around because I'll be too old. Even if you stayed, it wouldn't be enough. Just having you kiss me or hold me like now or as I sleep will one day not be enough. My feelings and needs will become stronger and harder to resist. One day I may force you to act in a way that will hurt both of us, and it might not be correctable."
Her tears continued, but I could also sense anger in her tone. What was making her mad, me or something else?
"Bella, my little Bella. What am I going to do with you?" I felt apprehensive. I was confused at her reactions, tones, and thoughts. They seemed to be in a continual flex. Why couldn't I just hear what was going on in her mind. Even though she said she would tell me everything she was thinking, I felt she still edited or held back something, but I couldn't grasp what it could be.
"I thought it would be a good idea to tell you everything I was thinking, but this is becoming harder and I am becoming angry at myself for telling you all this. I hadn't meant to say things that would hurt either of us, but the more of my thoughts I tell you, the more I think and now I feel like I'm just rambling and if you don't shut me up, I'm going to end up . . ."
Her mouth was saying one thing but I notice her eyes and lips were pleading to be kissed; I couldn't resist their pull so I gave in and kissed her. As I allowed their warmth to soak in, I began to wonder if her mind was so complex that maybe even she didn't know how to tell me everything that was racing around inside of it. I began to wonder what I would say to her if I tried to tell her all of my thoughts and realized how truly difficult that would be because some of it was just random feelings rather than rational thought. It finally dawned on me how hard this must be for her, and I decided I couldn't make it harder by expecting her to tell me everything. It would be humanly impossible.
I had kept my lips locked on hers while I pondered on this issue, and realized she needed to breathe. So I momentarily relinquished her lips and said, "Bella, you don't have to tell me everything you're thinking. Maybe it's better if I don't know everything you think. In fact, the more you talk the less time we have for this," and to demonstrate I quickly kissed her again. "You've already said you don't want me to change you. Does that mean you'll stop asking?" She tipped her head slightly back revealing her neck and I couldn't resists it magnetic pull, so I gently began kissing it and enjoying her aromatic scent and the feel of her blood pulsing through her veins.
She gave an almost inaudible moan before replying, "I said now isn't the right time, but there's nothing better than having you with me. Life has no meaning without you. You're my angel. My world now revolves around you. I have no life and I want no life without you, and I definitely don't want any other man in my life, I just want you forever throughout all eternity."
How could she possibly see me as an angel, and what pubescent male was chasing after her? "What other man? Is someone else seeking your attention?" I didn't have any desire to stop kissing her neck and all her exposed skin in that vicinity, but I also felt jealousy building up at the thought that any other man would be allowed to put his filthy lips on my precious angel.
"No," she softly whispered, "but you said if you hadn't been around, I'd be living a normal life, which means, eventually, some man would try to attract my attention. Like Mike, Eric, and Tyler did . . ."
I abruptly stopped kissing her. The thought of any other man touching or kissing Bella was revolting to my senses. How could I ever imagine anyone else being this close to her, or touching her and creating these sensations in her? I may have said that to her at one time, but I didn't really wish it to happen. I didn't want her ever to leave me for someone else, especially any of the males wondering the school halls with lustful thoughts about Bella and themselves.
". . . but look what happened to them."
Inwardly, that comment made me laugh.
"I turned them all down, partly because of you, but also because they didn't interest me in any way. Friends yes, anything else no. I don't want to talk about this anymore. My emotions are taking over. Could you just kiss me?"
It sounded so much like a plea that I couldn't resist, so I happily acquiesced. After a time, I realized her leg might be uncomfortable, so I carried her over to the bed, gently laid down with her, and continued kissing her. It felt so right to have her in my arms, but I kept wondering if I really deserved her or the happiness I was experiencing with her. I felt so complete that it scared me because I knew I could lose it as quickly as I had gained it. Could I endure an existence that did not include Bella? I would seriously seek an answer for that question.
Time wasn't a master of my days, but upon hearing Bella's stomach growl, I remembered it did have an effect on her. "I think it's time to feed the human," I said as I carefully lifted her from the bed and carried me downstairs. Forays in the kitchen were still new to me, so I poured Bella a glass of milk while she fixed herself a sandwich.
As Bella sat down and commenced to eat her lunch, I reached around, hugged her and whispered, "So, besides sharing your inner most thoughts with me, what else would you like to do today?"
"Hmm. You know, I did give that some thought this morning."
"And here I thought you were going to tell me everything." So, she was holding back, I thought as I caressed her supple neck with my lips.
"You're right, but I got side tracked from this thought because of others you created, and I'll never finish my lunch if you keep side tracking me."
I moved her hair off the back of her neck and worked around her neck with my lips. "Do you mean this?" Her neck was so fragrant and kissable that I couldn't help but caress it with my lips.
"Um, that does distract. Who would want to eat when activities like this are taking place?" She put down her sandwich. I wanted her to eat, but I also wanted her time.
"Well, then maybe I should stop," but I didn't. Instead, I worked my way around to the other side of her neck.
"Yah, maybe you should." Her tone didn't match her words. Her actions, however, encouraged me to continue.
"So, what do you want to do this afternoon?"
"Well, I'd like to go to the meadow today."
That meant I would travel my way with Bella cradled in my arms. I liked that idea and chuckled at the thought. "You know what that means."
She gave a little moan as she spoke, "Yes, but I've already resolved myself to that fact. You go home and get transportation, and don't hurry on my account because while you're gone, I'm going to email my mother." Because of the groan that escaped her lips, I didn't imagine she looked forward to that venture.
"Are you sure Bella? Telling Charlie was one thing, but telling your mother?" I tried to imagine her mother's response, but even after meeting her mother, I wasn't sure how she'd feel about Bella being in love. Considering how Bella accepted her mother's choice of a younger man, I would hope Renee would be as open-minded about her daughter's choice. Of course, Renee had no way of knowing my real age or what kind of a monster I truly was, and I didn't think Bella was going to supply her with that information. If she hadn't told her father, why would she tell her mother? This would be an interesting email to read; I wondered if she would allow me to see it before she sent it.
"No, I need to do this now while my resolve is set."
"You do have the courage of a lion, no matter what you say about yourself. I will give you ten minutes, and then I'll be back." I stopped kissing her neck and chuckled. Her determination was evident in her voice.
As I got up to leave she countered, "No, Edward, give me at least fifteen. Better make that twenty; it'll take me five just to get up the stairs."
I didn't plan on waiting any longer than fifteen minutes, so I swiftly yet carefully scoped her up and carried her upstairs. "Now you only need fifteen," I laughed as I put her down. I loved how expressive her face was, and I could tell my action was unexpected.
I raced home as quickly as possible. I had every intention of seeing what Bella wrote to her mom; for some reason I felt the need to know what she would say and what words she would use to express her feelings. My intent had been to change, jump in my Volvo and rush directly back to Bella's, but I found Alice waiting in my room when I returned home. She had a mischievous smile on her face, but I knew she had something important to tell me or she wouldn't have intentionally waited.
"What is it Alice, I'm in a hurry." I didn't mean to be short with her; it just came out that way.
"I told Bella the sun would come out this afternoon," she replied.
"And?" I focused on her mind to see what was hidden there, but didn't find any fear for Bella.
"Be truthful while talking with Bella today."
"We've already talked, and I was truthful."
"Completely? I mean, did you tell her what you were feeling."
"How do you know what I was feeling?" How dare she tap into my emotions.
"It wasn't hard. They must have been strong because they radiated into my visions. I honestly can't stop that Edward, so don't growl at me."
I hadn't realized I growled, but I felt she had invaded my privacy.
"Look Edward, all I'm saying is be open and honest with Bella even if she asks about some things that might upset you. And, please, don't lose your temper."
"I wouldn't lose my temper with Bella. I have better control than that."
Alice laughed. "Oh, come on. You and I both know your temper sometimes gets the better of you. Maybe it would be better if you got mad in front of her, then she'll know what to expect next time."
"What do you mean?" I wondered just where Alice was headed with this conversation.
"Bella want some questions answered. She wants to understand you, but unless you're open and honest, she'll think you're shutting her out. Edward, I like Bella, so do Jazz and Emmett. We like having her around, don't drive her away."
"Alice, I'm not changing her." This time I did growl. "What have you been telling her?"
"Nothing much," she let her gaze wonder around my room.
I growled slightly, Alice's vagueness became irritating. "Alice?"
"See, there's that temper. Look Edward, Bella is curious. She asks me questions you won't answer. Sometimes I answer and sometimes I tell her to ask you, but she's afraid you'll get angry with her and leave her. She doesn't want that Edward. She wants to be with you forever. She loves you deeply; she told me so, but she is afraid you don't believe her because you refuse to give her the one thing she really wants."
"I won't change her, Alice."
"But she wants you Edward; she doesn't care about anything else. The question really comes down to how much you love her." She fixed her eyes on mine challenging me to answer that question. "That is the question she asks me the most."
"And what did you tell her?" I searched Alice's mind for any vision she might be hiding, but found nothing new, just the same one about Bella being changed.
"I told her your snarl is worse than your bite," she laughed.
"Alice!" I was at loss for words.
"Just be honest Edward that's what she wants."
"I'll try," what else could I say.
"That's all I'm asking." She smiled and dashed out of the room.
I realized I had two concerns. First, would I arrive at Bella's in time to see what she had written to her mother, and second, what questions did Bella want answered. And, would I be able to answer them. Because of the first, I quickly changed, dashed to the car, and set a new record to Bella's house. My ascent into her room was so noiseless that she didn't even notice I was there. Her hand was posed over the mouse getting ready to send her message. I had just enough time to speed through the message catching two key phrases. The first was I'm going to marry him as soon as I can convince him to propose and the second, which I found the hardest to believe, was I loved him the first time I saw him. I wondered if that was before or after I first lusted after her blood in Biology class.
Just before she clicked mouse, I interposed, "Are you really going to send that to your mother?"
With a smug look on her face, she clicked the mouse. "Does that answer your question?" There was a touch of irritation in her voice. "How long have you been standing there?" The last question revealed her irritation.
Oops, I guess she really didn't want me to see that, but it was so Bella and I loved her for that. So, I just smiled and said, "Long enough. So, how are you going to convince me?" I wanted the answer to that one as quickly as possible. I knew she had something on her mind and I wanted to be the first one to whom she revealed her plans. I wanted her to trust me, and I wanted her to share all of these feelings with me. Did she really want to marry me even knowing what I was and how I lived? Did she really know what she was saying? I had so many misgivings about whether or not she really understood. Once she came to a fuller understanding of my life, I knew it would be the end and she would back out of this relationship as quickly as possible. I wanted her to understand fully, but even more, I wanted her to stay.
Then Bella did what she did best, she blushed so deeply that her face turned a deep shade of pink. I could smell the blood rushing through her body and rising to the surface of her face, but I could also sense the irritation that I saw as she sent her message to her mom.
"People who invade the privacy of others may learn unsettling information, but that's the risk of being overly inquisitive."
I couldn't help but reply with a smile, "And others turn a lovely shade of red when caught." Many times, I wondered if she knew how much I enjoyed watching her blush. Did she do it intentionally to please me, or was it really an involuntary reaction?
Bella looked away from me and with concern in her voiced asked, "Do you think it'll overwhelm her? I wanted her to know how serious I am; not like in the hospital when I was trying to soothe her fears. Are you upset about that comment?" Did she really think I was mad at her?
I had one fervent question that I couldn't refrain from asking, but I needed to see her eyes when she answered, so I took her chin in my hand and tilted her face up so our eyes met. "Did you really fall in love with me the first time you saw me?"
"Indubitably." And she turned off the computer. She then hobbled toward her bedroom door and said, "Can we go now?"
Was that all the answer I was going to get? No, she had to explain that answer even if I had to dazzle it out of her. As swiftly as possible, I put myself in front of her, looked deeply in her eyes and asked, "Are you going to explain that?"
I couldn't believe it; the dazzle didn't work. Instead, she leaned towards me and whispered, "I'll tell you later," then planted a swift kiss on my cold lips.
My Bella was getting better at resisting a dazzle, or maybe getting better at resisting intentional dazzles, but I still found I was hopelessly drawn to her and loved her more than I ever imaged I would love anyone. The question kept stealing into my mind 'how could I go on without her.'
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The next chapter may take long because it already seems longer. It will conclude this day, Sunday after the prom. I know this has been along day, but I felt I had Bella and Edward needed to discuss some things before going back to school, and then the start of summer vacation. For any one who is interested, the basic scenario is what happens when fate plays a major role in Bella's everyday life.
Reviews are extremely nice even if you only say "good job" or "boring, waste of time".
