AN: Sorry this took so long, but the chapter ended up being longer than I thought it would be. I hope everyone enjoys it. As always, all characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer.
Update 5-11 for grammatical errors.
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The Meadow – Bella
Before we left the house, I stopped to pick up an old quilt from the closet. Alice told me the sun would shine this afternoon, but I doubted that the ground would be dry. I figured the quilt would protect me from the damp. The drive to the meadow was quiet; neither of us said anything, and besides asking me if I was ready, even the trip to the meadow was accomplished in silence. That silence gave me time to arrange my thoughts and put my questions in a tidy row. I wondered how many of them Edward would be willing to answer and answer truthfully. He claimed I edited my answers, but I knew he edited his also.
From his demeanor, I guessed that Edward knew I had an ulterior motive for going to the meadow. He knew how I felt about his mode of transportation, and the fact that I was willingly allowing him to carry me there was what must have tipped him off. Any other time, I'd have found someplace else for us to spend the afternoon, but I did have an underhanded purpose. I knew once we were in the meadow I could freely ask about issues that might upset Edward, but he wouldn't be able to flee from me because he'd never leave me alone and unprotected in an area surrounded by woods. He once told me there were things far more dangerous than him in the woods, and I always wondered about that. Did he mean other vampires or something I hadn't encountered yet? Whatever it was, I knew he wouldn't forsake me especially with my leg in a cast.
Upon reaching the meadow, Edward spread the quilt out and helped me find a comfortable way to sit; I'd be so glad when the cast finally came off. After I was settled, he sat down beside me.
"Now are you going to answer my question?" Edward reached over and took my hand gently in his.
"Which one?" I smiled into his eyes.
"The one that read, and I quote, 'I loved him the first time I saw him,' end quote." He searched my face for a reaction. I just smiled.
"There's really nothing to answer. The first time I saw you sitting across the lunchroom, you captured my heart. I hadn't been aware of it at the time, but looking back, that's when I fell in love with you. That angelic face," I ran my finger gently down his check and traced his lips, "those piercing dark eyes, and that crooked smile that makes my heart skip a beat. I was lost without even realizing it."
"Bella, people don't fall in love that quickly. And how about that first day in Biology class. You must've hated me for the way I treated you." He examined my face searching for the truth.
"Not really. I thought you were revolted by me. I thought," and I couldn't help but laugh, "Maybe I smelled bad to you. Funny, I connected even our first encounter to scent." I smiled realizing his scent first drew me to him but only partially.
"But not a bad scent. Instead, an overwhelmingly delicious aroma, but my thoughts were only about feasting on your blood, not falling in love with you."
"Then it's a good thing you were able to resist me because I'd never have resisted you. I still can't resist you or your scent." I ran my finger around his sensuous lips again.
"You mean when I breathe on you, like this," and he leaned over and breathed into my face.
I had to remind myself to stay calm and breathe, but I couldn't stop my pulse from quickening.
"Yes and when you walk near me or sit or stand in the same room with me, your heady scent fills my senses; even my bed is filled with it." At which I blushed, just knowing he shared my bed even in an innocent way made me blush when I talked about it.
"Even with my attitude that day, you wouldn't have resisted me if I'd have asked you to walk into the woods with me?" He nuzzled my neck playfully.
"No, I wouldn't have resisted," I replied as I enjoyed his cool lips on my skin.
"Because of my fragrance." It was a statement not a question. He was so close that every word released more of his delicious fragrance.
"No more than that. As I said, I was already in love with you without realizing it. I'd have gone anywhere with you." I sighed knowing I was physically and emotionally his.
"What if I'd been a mass murderer? Let's correct that. How could you fall in love with a monster, a murderer?"
"I'd still have followed, besides that's a subjective opinion. I don't see you that way." I looked up at his heavenly face and watched it sparkle in the sunlight. "I see you as an angel, and the only person I ever want to be with. As far as I'm concerned, the world can just pass me by because you're the only world I want. Nothing else matters."
"Bella, I don't want you giving up on life. You've so much life yet to experience. It's not right to steal that away from you." He pushed away from me a little and gazed directly into my eyes.
"Do you really believe that I'd miss any of that?" I stared back at him just as intently wanting him to know I meant every word I said. "Edward, the only thing I'd ever miss is being with you." I broke eye contact with him, leaned against his chest, and ran my hand up and down his arm. I needed contact with him; I needed to know he was beside me and that I could lean on him for strength and support. "Edward, tell me why you won't change me?"
"I thought you understood." He kissed the top of my head and played with a strand of my hair.
"No, not really. All you've said is you don't want me to miss anything, but what would I really miss. I haven't had much of a life, but what I've had would change very little if I were like you."
"No, Bella, you don't understand. You'd never sleep, you'd never have human friends, you'd never have children, and you'd constantly have to watch that you didn't give away what you were." He let out a deep breath. "You spend your life on the move. You're never able to set down roots anywhere. You can't settle down because you don't age, and people get suspicious and ask questions. You endure a thirst for human blood but learn to overcome that thirst and be satisfied with the substitute." He paused, "You'd have to give up the sunlight and your parents."
"Would I have to give up you?" I stroked his perfect cheek with my hand.
"No, but that's a poor substitute for life."
"No it isn't. Edward, you're my life, and I'm in the sunlight with you now. How would that change if I were like you? I've never had friends only acquaintances. Alice is the first person, besides you, I ever felt I could call a friend. As for children, I don't want any. The thought of being a parent terrifies me. Being as accident prone as I am, imagine what any child's life would be like with me as their mother." I couldn't help but laugh at that because I remembered the one and only time I babysat for my mom's friend. No, being a parent was totally out.
"What's so funny?"
"I made up my mind about children when I was fifteen. Mom secured a babysitting job for me, my first and last. It was a disaster. It's lucky either of us survived. That poor child must've been traumatized for weeks. Afterwards, she started crying every time she saw me, and it took me a month to recover from my own injuries."
"What did you do?" Concern entered his voice.
"Let's just say, that I endured almost every household injury, and Mandy, poor thing, sustained a few minor injuries I wasn't able to deflect from her to me." I continued to run my fingers lightly across his face outlining his eyes, nose, and tempting lips.
"Like what?" He took hold of me and set me gently on his lap.
"Oh, a scrapped knee when we tripped over each other in the backyard, a bump on the head when she fell off the swing set, and . . ."
He chuckled and his lovely crooked smile spread across his face. "Stop, I get the idea. Didn't they suspect you of child abuse?"
"No, I had more visible injuries then she did." I couldn't help but trace his crooked smile and he lightly brushed a strand of loose hair behind my ear and caressed my face with his hand.
"Really? Please enlighten me."
"Well, I skinned both my knees and hands when we fell. I had a deep cut above my eye where the swing hit me when Mandy fell off, I cut my finger while making her lunch, and I sprained my ankle walking upstairs to put her to bed. Plus, there were numerous other bruises and scrapes. I looked a mess. I think they felt more sympathy for me than they did for their daughter." Edward laughed outright about that. I loved his musical laugh.
"Okay, so you think it would be safer if you didn't have children, but what if you change your mind as you grow older?" His voice became more serious.
"Once I've made a decision about something, I very seldom change my mind. Other than the reasons you've given, which won't dissuade me from my choice, what other rationale do you have for not changing me."
"An eternity of being on the run from discovery. Bella, after the first seventy-five years, days blur into each other. It's as if you're offered nothing new just the same thing day after day. You get to a point where there are no thrills left, no surprises, no originality. You're constantly looking for something new and different, but it's all the same. Bella, it gets boring and you thirst for something more, but there isn't anything." A serious look settled on his divine face.
"So basically you're saying you'll get bored with me and go looking for someone more exciting. So, all I am to you is a diversion, intrinsically temporary entertainment." I wanted to cry, but I wouldn't let myself. I was deeply hurt. Was that really all I meant to him or had I misunderstood.
He cupped my chin and turned my face toward him, and my eyes fell into his. "No, but I may become that to you in time. In fact, I may be that already because I'm different than anyone else you've ever met."
He released my chin and ran his finger down my cheek but I kept my eyes locked on his and felt an ache in my heart. How could I ever be bored with him? "Edward, you're difference isn't all in your looks or what you are, it's in your demeanor. You're intelligent, witty, overbearing, and extremely lovable. Most importantly, you're not shallow like most of the guys I've met. You're real difference is who you are, not what you are."
"We still come back to the problem of regret. You feel this way now, but what if those feelings change. Don't you see, once you're changed you can't change back; there are no other options. We don't get to select whether we want to remain what we are; this is permanent, forever. There's no going back for any of us." His eyes filled with profound sorrow.
"What makes you think I'd want to 'go back,' as you put it?"
He closed his eyes, but I continued to watch his face. "Because we all experience regrets and wonder what if. What if I hadn't been changed? What if I'd been allowed to live a normal life? What if I'd been asked first, what would I have decided? I don't want you hating me for changing you, or looking at me with regret wishing I hadn't changed you."
I realized I needed to share my next thought with him, so I replied, "Don't you realize I'd never want anything accept you that my one desire and longing is for us to remain together forever." He opened his eyes, and I wanted the truth of that statement to be reflected in my eyes so he'd see how my whole heart longed for him.
Then another thought occurred to me. "Edward, I thought you didn't have a choice that Carlisle saved you from dying that every one of you that he changed was on the verge of death anyway."
"We were."
I leaned closer to him and asked, "So, if he would've asked you whether you wanted to die or become what he was, would you have chosen death?"
"No."
"Then what's the difference? I'm making a choice with a clear idea of what I'm getting into." I inhaled deeply of his fragrance and rested my cheek against his chest.
"Bella, it is different for you." He emphasized each word but didn't pull away from me. "You've your whole life in front of you. You're not at death's door. There's so much more waiting for you and I can't be the one who takes that away. One day I'd see the regret in your eyes and know you hated me for taking those things away and not being able to give them back."
"You see, that's what I mean. You keep saying I have a choice because I'm not at death's door, but I've been there numerous times, and each time you pulled me back. And as for taking everything away from me, Edward, you're the only thing I want nothing else matters. How could I ever hate you if you're the one who chose to keep me forever because that's what I wanted? My question basically remains unanswered."
"Which one?"
"Are you keeping me around for temporary entertainment because you know you'll become bored with me?"
At that, he did pull away and looked straight into my eyes. His hurt look tugged harder at my heart. "Bella, how can you even think that? You'll never bore me; in fact, you'll always surprise me. I want nothing more that to spend every minute of my time with you."
"But forever?"
"Yes forever. Never doubt that I love you, and I will always love you."
"But not enough to keep me forever." I couldn't keep the doubt out of my voice and shifted my face down and away from his gaze. I did have my doubts and I felt he should know about them.
Once again, he cupped my chin tenderly in his hands and tilted my head up so he could gaze deeply in my eyes. He spoke passionately. "That's not true. I want to keep you forever, but it wouldn't be right. I can't kill you just because I want you. I love you too much to make you suffer, and suffer you would. You don't know; you can't fully understand what it's like to live this way."
"But I'd be sharing it with you. Don't you realize that I'd endure any suffering if it meant we'd never be separated? No, I can see this is something we don't agree on, but maybe future circumstance will enlighten you to what I really desire. Until then, I'll just keep hoping, and I'll continue making myself ready for what will eventually come."
Edwards stared deeply into my eyes. "Bella, what have you done?" He paused momentarily, perhaps in reflection. "You wouldn't . . . you couldn't . . . you didn't." I saw shock in his eyes as the truth dawned on him. Then knowingly he added, "You did! Bella, how could you?"
Since he knew, I felt no obligation to answer. Instead, I replied, "Edward, one of the hardest things for me to do is make a decision. I can spend hours brooding over it. I can get frustrated, angry, and even irritated at myself, but when I finally make a decision, I'm resolved to carry that decision through, just as I did that day after La Push beach. I spent the better part of the morning deciding what I'd do about the information Jacob imparted to me. And like I once told you, my decision was that it didn't matter. It still doesn't matter. I don't care what you think you are, and I don't care what the Quileute say you and your family are. All that matters to me, as it did then, is that I love you."
"You should care. All these things should matter to you; it's all a part of your future."
"You've given me a lot to think about Edward, and I promise I'll think about them, but don't count on me changing my mind. Little of what you've said will alter how I feel, and I doubt I'll change the course I'm on right now. You see, for me you're my future, and more than anything, I believe fate's determined my outcome one way or another. The choice will ultimately fall to you because I know which choice I want. The question is which choice do you want?"
"Bella, you know what my choice is." I saw apprehension in his face.
I knew this was hard for him and I had no desire to cause him pain. He wanted it both ways but in the end, we both knew one outcome would dominate the other. "And what if that choice is no longer an option?" Before he could reply, I put my fingers on his lips. I didn't want an answer then; I wanted him seriously to ponder the question before answering me.
To give him time to think, I slid off his lap, laid my head on his lap, and pretended to sleep. I tried regulating my breathing, and then I listened to the quiet. I had no idea I was tired, but the next thing I knew I felt chilled. That's when I discovered I had fallen asleep.
"She awakes. Did you have a nice nap?"
"How long was I asleep?"
"About an hour or so."
"Why didn't you wake me?" I sat up and stretched.
"I love to watch you sleep. An inner beauty radiates from your face as you sleep. You're so at peace and few worries mar your angelic face, and I can stare at you all I want without interruption and enjoy your beauty." He took my face in his hands, leaned toward me and gently kissed my lips.
"You say the loveliest things, and . . . no, let's not go there. I think it's time we put aside changes for the moment and focus on other controversial issues." I exclaimed playfully.
"Okay, how about your comment that I was overbearing." He willing allowed the conversation to follow a lighter note.
"Well, you are. You want everything your way, despite what others want," I pouted.
"Well, I disagree. I think about what's best for you first. I call that being considerate." He laughed at me.
"But what if what you think is best for me isn't viewed by me in the same way." I got a little more serious.
"I thought we weren't broaching that topic again." He kept the laughter in his voice.
"You started it." I went back to pouting.
"No I didn't. You said I was overbearing."
"And you are. Right now for instance. Okay, truce. Let's pick another topic," and this time I laughed.
"Like what?"
A thought had been playing around my mind since we left my house, so I decided now would be a good time to ask about it. "How long were you in my room while I was writing my mom?"
"Not long, only about two or three seconds."
"Then you didn't see everything I wrote." I felt a sense of relief.
"Yes I did."
"How?" As quickly as I felt it the sense of relief left. I was thunderstruck, he'd read all of it.
"I read fast."
"How fast?" I inquired.
"Extremely. It's like running."
"So, you read everything I wrote, but do you remember what was in it?" I'd hoped he'd forgotten most of it.
"Hum. Well, it began, 'I won't tell you to sit down because I know you already are. So here is my news. Edward took me to prom last night, despite my overwhelming protests, and I surprisingly enjoyed the experience. It was not the prom I enjoyed, however, as much as the company.' But I especially liked, 'I have given this much thought, and I know what I feel for Edward. This feeling comes from deep within my heart, and if I admit the truth to myself, I loved him the first time I saw him.'"
He hadn't forgotten on single word. "You have a photographic memory." That wasn't a question but a statement of fact. I thought 'That could be helpful; in fact, it could be helpful to me.' "You're helping me study for finals."
"I won't give you the answers."
"I hadn't thought about that. You'll know all the answers for the tests. In fact you probably already know what'll be on the tests." Edward did have a definite advantage over us normal humans, I thought.
"I still won't give you the answers. I go through this every year with Emmett. He thinks I should help him, but that would be cheating."
"Does everyone in your family have a photographic memory?" This was a fact I didn't know before.
"Yes."
"I wonder if Emmett had the same teachers last year as I have now." That was a thought; I could ask Emmett what the trig test was like, if he had trig.
"Why?"
"Maybe I'll ask him to help me study." I usually did well on finals, but I always felt slightly nauseous while I was studying for fear that I'd fail.
"That's still cheating Bella."
"Not if he just quizzes me about information." I didn't really mean to cheat; I just wanted reassurance that I could pass.
"No he can study by himself or with Rose. I'll be your study partner."
He always wanted to know what I thought, so I told him. "Are you going to suck the fun out of everything I want to do? You see, there's that trait of being overbearing again."
"You call cheating fun?"
"No, but a little help wouldn't hurt." He was being particularly obstinate about this. I didn't want to cheat; I just wanted help.
"Emmett never took trig."
"Oh." How did he know trig was the subject I was most concerned about?
"And as to having fun, how about this?" And he pulled me closer and began kissing my shoulders, my neck, and then slowly moved up my face until he reached my lips.
As he worked his way up and before he reached my lips, I sighed, "Yes."
I was wrong; Edward didn't suck the fun out of everything because this would always qualify as more pleasurable than studying for final exams. Besides, we had almost a month before school was out, and I could always ask Emmett about his classes last year when Edward was busy doing other things. That could come later, for the time being I was enjoying the sensation of swapping kisses and caresses in the meadow with Edward. His touch always excited me, and the electrical charges always sent sensual vibrations throughout my entire body. I was learning to respond to him in acceptable ways because I didn't want him to draw away from me, and he was learning that sometimes I still slipped when he caused me to become too romantically elated.
Sooner than I expected, Edward mentioned that the sun was low enough in the sky to indicate it was time to go home. Charlie wouldn't be home for a few hours yet, and I was reluctant to release Edward. Of course, I didn't really want him to release me either; I felt safe and comfortable in his arms. Edward must have sensed my reluctance because instead of releasing me, he just scooped me up in his arms, retrieved the blanket and set off for the car. While he was running, I wrapped my arms more tightly around him, closed my eyes, and laid my head on his shoulder. I felt it had been a beautiful day even though we hadn't agreed on whether or not it was right for Edward to change me. At least we talked openly about it, and that made me happy.
The drive home was as silent as the drive to the meadow, but this time I laid my head against Edward's shoulder and just enjoyed inhaling his scent and touching him. Unfortunately, Edward arrived at my house sooner than I liked. If he drove slower, we could enjoy each others company longer, but he liked his speed and I decided not to say anything about it. In fact, I enjoyed his touch so much, I allowed him to carry me into the house. He took me straight to the living room and set me down on the couch, and then returned the old quilt to the hall closet.
"You're so quiet. What are you thinking?" he asked as he sat down beside me.
I reached over, took his hand, and kissed his fingertips. "How lucky I am, how much I love being with you, and how beautiful today has been."
"I love you too, but you seemed so deep in thought on the way home, I wondered if something else was on your mind." He caressed my face with his free hand.
"No, not deep in thought, I was just enjoying the feel of you as I laid my head against you and feeling that this is how I want to spend the rest of my life." I sighed deeply realizing I needed to call mom before Charlie came home.
Edward tensed at my sigh, possibly out of concern. I hoped he didn't think it was anything he had done.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing really. I just remembered I need to call mom and, if you don't mind, I'd prefer to talk to her alone."
"In other words, you want me to leave."
"Yes and no. Yes, because I need to speak to her alone, and no because I feel more comfortable and at ease when you're around, but I can't have both."
"I could hang around outside," he chuckled.
"Oh sure, and how would that look to the neighbors. I can hear it now, 'There's that Cullen boy hanging around again. Doesn't he ever go home?' No, there's no need for inquisitive neighbors to start gossiping, and I definitely don't want someone to suggest to Charlie that you look like a stalker hanging around outside." I laughed at that thought because in a sense Edward had been stalking me at first because of my blood's tantalizing scent.
"What's so funny?" He looked down lovingly at me.
"I just thought about when all of this started. Maybe you were a stalker at first, but I'm glad you fell in love with me. Unrequited love can be so depressing."
Edward kissed my forehead and slowly worked down to my lips. Upon releasing them, he said. "How long do you want me to stay away?"
"If I could plug up your ears so you couldn't hear, not at all, but since that's impossible, how about two hours."
He groaned. "What am I going to do for two hours without my Bella?"
Even though I knew he wouldn't feel it, I punched him in the arm for being sarcastic. "Why don't you let Alice talk some sense into you?"
He looked at me with a slightly shocked expression. "What do you mean by that?"
"Even though you have forbidden her to tell me, we both know she still sees me changed. Maybe she knows something she isn't telling either of us, or maybe she just knows what's going to happen in the future despite your obstinacy." I smiled while saying this, and then kissed him lightly on the lips and got up to walk him to the door, but Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me into his lap.
"You don't give up do you?" He laughed.
"No more than you, and Edward, no eavesdropping." I smiled back.
Then he kissed me, stood up with me still in his arms, and carried me to the door where he kissed me once more before saying goodbye. Then he left.
He left me absolutely breathless, but I needed to pull myself together, set my resolve, and call mom. I knew I had to stand my ground with her and not let her, for one minute, think I didn't mean what I was about to tell her.
I spent five minutes preparing myself for the call, then picked up the phone and dialed her number.
As I heard the phone ring, it hit me, 'What if she's not home?' I wasn't sure I could go through this again. So mentally, I chanted 'pick up the phone' hoping that would make her be home and answer. On the fifth ring, someone did answer.
"Hello?" I realized it was Phil.
"Hi Phil, this is Bella. Is mom there?" I thought, 'please don't let her be out shopping.' I remembered that when she was upset, she would sometimes go shopping to relieve her anxiety.
I heard mom in the background. "Is that Bella? Give that here." I couldn't tell if she was anxious, upset, or outright mad, but I'd learn soon enough when she took the phone.
"Isabella Marie, are you serious?" She was mad, that was a definite.
"Calm down mom. There is no reason to yell or get upset."
"After what you wrote, I think I have a right to be extremely concerned. This isn't like you. You've never been interested in boys before, but now you tell me you're in love." She definitely wasn't calming down.
"Well, that was before I meet someone who is different from the immature variety of school boys I've met." I could tell this wasn't going to be easy.
"How different can he be Isabella?" Oh, if she only knew, I thought. "All teenage boys are the same, and they all think about and want the same thing from a teenage girl. I don't want you being hurt. Edward may seem nice, but he isn't any different. He wants what they all want, and I want you to be safe. You have to be careful. How do you know he isn't leading you on?"
In the background I heard Phil say, "Calm down honey. Bella's more mature than that." Finally, I thought, someone on my side. Mom must have moved the phone away because I faintly heard her say, "No, Phil. Go away for awhile, this is serious."
I wanted mom to understand that Edward wasn't like other guys I'd meet. He wasn't like some of the guys she dated before Phil either. So, to set her mind at rest, I decided to tackle her concern. "Mom, Edward and I are very much alike. I guess the best way to say this is that we are both inexperienced at love, and that's saying a lot for a guy. Besides, Edward and I are in no hurry. We love each other, yes, but we are taking the time to talk and learn about each other."
"How can you be sure this is love? Isabella, you're only seventeen." She refused to be calmed down.
"Mom, love isn't limited by age. I could've asked you the same thing about Phil. How did you know it was love? You thought you loved Charlie when you married him, but you still left him. Was that love?" I discovered convincing mom that we really loved one another wasn't going to be easy.
"You see, that's what I mean. I was too young when I married your dad. I didn't know any better. With Phil, it was different. I was older; and I learned some things."
"Gee, mom, that's vague." I decided I'd have to take this from a more parental viewpoint. "How did you know you loved Phil? What happened between the two of you that convinced you it was love."
"Well, we were able to talk to each other and enjoy each others company. There was also a physical thing between us. Bella, this is embarrassing." She sounded a little calmer now that I turned the conversation to her feelings for Phil.
"Okay, forget the physical thing. Other than that, how did you know it was love?" If I caused her to examine her feelings, then I believed I could convince her that mine and Edward's feelings were the same as hers.
"Maybe it was the feeling I got when he wasn't there. I felt empty and lonely inside. When I knew he was coming over, I got excited, even more than excited. It was like butterflies in my stomach and a feeling of exhilaration knowing he would be with me soon. Then one day I just knew I couldn't stand to have him leave. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, and that thought made me extremely happy."
Mom provided me a good starting point for my persuasive argument. "I know those feelings mom. I experience them every time Edward leaves to go home or when he is out camping with his brothers. I get so lonely that I don't know what to do with myself. I ache inside just waiting for him to return. I want him with me always. I don't want to let go of him. I saw that same yearning in you when Phil had away games and you stayed at home with me. I felt so guilty keeping the two of you apart, even though, at the time, I couldn't fathom what you were really feeling. Now I know, and I was right to come and live with dad because I know it's right for you and Phil to be together. In the same manner, I know it's right for Edward and I to be together. Age has nothing to do with whether or not I love Edward, but my feelings toward him have everything to do with it."
"But Bella, you don't have any experience to base your feeling on. You've never even had a boyfriend before this." I knew she'd finally calmed down because I heard mostly concern in her voice.
"Mom, I can base my feelings on your experiences, and I never wanted a boyfriend before this. The boys were all so juvenile, but Edward's not like that. I feel like I've met my intellectual equal, and some one who's as mature as I am mentally. Remember how you said I was born thirty-five and I just got older each year. You were right and Edward's also like that. He may be seventeen, but he doesn't act seventeen. At least not like the ones I've meet. He's more mature than that. He takes time to think about important issues and reads something other than comic books and pulp fiction. Mom, he likes Shakespeare and understands what he reads. I can actually have an intelligent conversation with him about the ramifications of Shakespeare's treatment of women in his plays or the underlying multiple themes that are interwoven in his plays, and he understands what I'm talking about. None of those blank looks that I'd get from other classmates who had no inkling of what I was saying." I thought, 'Not like Mike when he asked about my lit paper a few months ago.'
"I still worry Bella. How do you know he is sincere? How do you know this is not some game he's playing and when he gets what he wants from you he'll just dump you?"
"First, Edward's not that shallow. Second, all he wants from me is to love him, be with him, and share my feelings and thoughts with him."
"And what does he mean by love?" It became easier to talk to her now that she wasn't yelling and sounding overly protective of me.
"With my heart mom, not the other physical activity. Our physical activity is limited to kissing, hugging, and holding hands. That's it. We don't even talk about the other. Does that ease your mind some? Look mom, it's time you realize I'm growing up. I'll be eighteen this year. In fact, my birthday is a little over three months away. This would be different if I told you I was getting married by Christmas or that I was . . . well you know, in trouble, but I'm not. I'm just telling you I have found the one person I want to spend the rest of my life with, and one day I want to marry him. Honest mom, I do know what I'm talking about. I never enter into big decisions without carefully thinking about them and weighing out all the pros and cons. After all these years, you should have more faith in me to know when I'm serious."
"Honey, I just worry about you. One day you'll understand what I'm going through when you become a mom. To me you're still my little girl; it's hard for me to remember that you're becoming a young lady, much less that you've meet the one person you're ready to commit the rest of your life to."
"I know it's hard for you mom, but remember I was the one who ran the house and kept you on track with appointments and money. I don't think I ever spent much of my time being a little girl, not because I didn't have the choice, but because I made the choice not to. That's my personality though, and I always liked taking charge."
"It's just going to take me some time to adjust. Please don't rush anything, give me the time to become better acquainted with Edward, and give me time to accept the fact that you've made your decision."
"Okay mom. I can do that. Besides, I want you to get to know Edward better. You'll like him."
"Well, I'm hoping this is more than a case of falling for a pretty face and body."
"Trust me mom, Edward is more than just a pretty face and body. There is a lot more to him then meets the eye. You just need time to become better acquainted." I knew she would like him given time, but she would never know what I meant about more than meets the eye. I'd never tell her he was a vampire. I believed some things about the Cullens were better left unsaid to Charlie and mom.
"Well, we'll see. I just hope he realizes how special you are, and that he will always take care of you."
"Don't worry mom. Edward treats me like a piece of delicate china. He knows I'm breakable," I chuckled under my breath about the hidden meaning, "because of my clumsiness. He believes it's his duty to keep me safe from all accidents. No one is more careful of my well being as Edward is." I thought, sometimes overly so.
I felt I had relieved some of mom's concerns, so I turned the conversation to Phil's new job and how Phil and mom were liking Florida. We talked for over an hour, and then I realized I'd need to heat dinner for Charlie and me. Since there were so many leftovers from the pre-prom meal that Edward had fixed, I figured I wouldn't need to cook anything else tonight. After reassuring mom one more time that I was happy and fine, I finally hung up the phone and prepared dinner.
Charlie walked in just as I finished and we sat down and enjoyed a delicious meal. Dad spoke little; I knew he was enjoying the food. His longest comments were about Edward's cooking skills and the fact that mom had called him at work to discover how much time Edward and I were spending together. He had assured her that I had a curfew and that, when Edward was at the house, he left promptly at ten o'clock.
It was nine by the time I finished cleaning up and doing dishes, and I told Charlie I was going to turn in early because of how late I had stayed up last night. In fact, I actually was tired and ready to lie down. I was even more ready to lie down with Edward beside me because that would be the finish to a truly perfect day.
I expected to find Edward already on my bed waiting for me when I walked into my room. When I noticed he wasn't there, I decided I'd take a shower and get ready for bed. I figured he must have been held up at home by someone. Thirty minutes later, I found my room still empty. I started to worry; maybe he was upset with me because I had pushed him so hard about why he wouldn't change me. I decided I'd lie down and wait, but when it was quarter to ten and he still didn't show up, I was positive he was mad at me. All I could do was lay with my face in my pillow and cry. I was so mad at myself; I should have known better. I hurt inside so much thinking maybe this time I had pushed him too far and he was not coming back. I had no idea of how long I cried, but I noticed the moment he entered the room. I realized I'd never become desensitized to his scent. I had no time to react to his presence before he scooped me up in his arms and hugged me.
"Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."
"I'm not upset with you," I sob quietly, "I'm upset with myself. I thought I'd driven you away by being so pushy this afternoon."
"Oh Bella," he crooned, "I was late because Esme wanted to talk to me. I never meant to be late, but when I finally realized what time it was, it was already after ten. I got here as fast as I could." He cuddled me close.
I felt so safe and loved in his arms. Why couldn't I be confident of his love when he was absent? Why did I doubt him? "If I upset you Edward, then I'm sorry. I'm sorry I doubted that you would come. I need to have more trust in you, but sometimes I'm afraid you'll decide you've had enough of me and my temper and you'll just leave and never return. I couldn't stand knowing I'd driven you away." I nestled my face into his neck and deeply inhaled every ounce of his aroma that my senses would allow.
"Bella, I promised you I'd stay with you for as long as you wanted, and that I wouldn't leave you. You have to trust that I will keep my word." He began to kiss my neck and I just held him closer.
"If you left me Edward, I don't think I'd have any desire to live. I'd be so lost without you." I had almost stopped crying but the thought of a life without him brought a small sob back into my voice.
"I won't let that happen." He gently laid down in the bed with his arms still wrapped around me. "You need to sleep Bella. It's been a long day."
"Edward, I'll always want you, forever." That was the last thing I said before I drifted off.
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Please review if you enjoyed the story, and please review if you found it objectionable in anyway. Positive critiques are welcome. Thank you very much. I will try to get Edward's chapter out by the beginning of next week.
