A/N – Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of it marvelous characters; they are all the soul property of Stephenie Meyer.

This is still Sunday, the day after the prom. The next chapter will find Edward and Bella back in school, which doesn't end until June in Forks, Washington.

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The Meadow – Edward

I was positive, beyond any doubt, that Bella had chosen the meadow for a specific purpose. I waited for her to tell me; I wasn't going to force her to reveal what ever she wanted to share until she was ready. The more time I spent with Bella, the more I learned about her propensities. I knew Bella would tell me what this was about when she was ready. At least she was trying to be more open with me. Was that a good thing? Did I really want to know everything she thought? In a way, I did want to know because her mind was a closed book to me; no matter how much I tried to open it, it was only when she revealed its contents verbally that I knew what she was thinking. Her body language, on the other hand, was becoming easier to read, if I paid attention. I remembered her mother's comment about Bella's face being an open book, and that was true, but only to a point. Some of her facial expressions were easy. Her open smile, her musical laugh, her revealing blushes that I love the most, her anger that I tried not to arouse, and her sadness, which was the hardest to accept because I always felt like I was the cause of it were all easy to read. Then there were times when I saw furrows in her brow or wrinkles around her mouth like a grimace but I couldn't even guess at what caused them or what thoughts were behind them. I felt she heavily edited what she told me at those times.

I knew she picked the meadow for a reason. I wanted to laugh when she mentioned going there because I knew how she felt about the journey. I loved the speed, but it made her uneasy, so for her to be willing to be carried, I knew she had some motive behind her choice. I had decided I wouldn't ask, even though I wanted to. I'd wait for her to tell me.

Upon reaching the meadow, I spread the quilt on the driest spot I could locate. Then I carefully helped Bella get comfortable on the ground. I worried that the ground was not a good place for her to sit. I didn't want her leg to bother her. I wanted this to be a good day for both of us, and I decided to take Alice's advice. Whatever Bella asked, I'd try to answer as honestly as possible. I wanted to build a good relationship with her; I didn't want to drive her away. If she chose to stay around me, I wanted her to do it because it was her choice and not because of my persuasive personality or attraction. After I had her settled as comfortably as possible, I sat down next to her.

I had been waiting all through the trip to have my question answered, especially after her cryptic reply 'indubitably.' I waited no long and asked, "Now are you going to answer my question?" I took her delicate hand in mine in order to feel her warmth.

"Which one?" She looked into my eyes and smiled.

I loved her smile, and it was easy to fall into the deep brown pools of her eyes. If my heart were beating, it would have begun to race just as hers did at times. Did she realize she had this affect on me?

"The one that read, and I quote, 'I loved him the first time I saw him,' end quote." I scanned her face looking for a reaction, hoping she had meant what she said. I smiled encouragingly at her waiting for her response.

Her luscious lips turned up at both ends, and again I was amazed at how much I loved her smile. "There's really nothing to answer. The first time I saw you sitting across the lunchroom, you captured my heart. I hadn't been aware of it at the time, but looking back, that's when I fell in love with you. That angelic face," she reached out and touched my face with her finger and then lightly let it skim down my check before tracing around my lips, "those piercing dark eyes, and that crooked smile that makes my heart skip a beat. I was lost without even realizing it." My skin tingled with warmth as she traced my face with her finger, and I wondered how one brief moment in time could result in such an intense love.

I had to ask myself, Could she really have fallen in love just by looking at me? I knew, from having endured the thoughts of thousands of teenage girls over the years how divine they thought I looked, but none of their first reactions was love. In fact, most felt fear at first. "Bella, people don't fall in love that quickly. And how about that first day in Biology class. You must've hated me for the way I treated you." I was positive, at the time, that she loathed me for treating her so shoddily.

"Not really. I thought you were revolted by me. I thought," she laughed musically before continuing, "Maybe I smelled bad to you. Funny, I connected even our first encounter to scent."

She had noticed that, I thought. I was utterly amazed at how completely perceptive Bella was at things that occurred around her and the fact that she instinctively seemed to notice what others would miss. As to her smell, I replied, "But not a bad scent. Instead, an overwhelmingly delicious aroma, but my thoughts were only about feasting on your blood, not falling in love with you." I remembered that day perfectly. All I could think about was how delicious her blood smelled, how the lure of it threatened to destroy me if I couldn't control the urge to take it from her. I couldn't tell her how I had planned multiple scenarios for her murder, and one of them included the deaths of everyone in the classroom. I couldn't tell her that the thirst for her blood brought the monster out in me and it took supreme will power to escape from her vicinity as quickly as possible without killing her. If anyone had told me then that I'd find myself alone with her without taking her blood, I'd never have believed them. I never thought I'd find myself so completely in love with anyone as much as I loved Bella.

"Then it's a good thing you were able to resist me because I'd never have resisted you. I still can't resist you or your scent." She ran her finger around my lips again causing a tantalizingly warm sensation to ripple through me.

"You mean when I breathe on you, like this," and I leaned over and intentionally breathed into her lovely face. I enjoyed the affect I had on her. I wanted her love, I cherished her love, but I feared for her life whenever she was around me. I knew how much control I had to maintain so as not to hurt Bella. She was so fragile in many ways but my love for her helped me to focus on her soul more than her body or her blood.

I heard her heart beat faster and sensed the quickening of her pulse.

"Yes and when you walk near me or sit or stand in the same room with me, your heady scent fills my senses; even my bed is filled with it." She blushed a lovely shade of pink. Even without any human body functions, I knew her innocence and embarrassment touched my stone cold heart.

"Even with my attitude that day, you wouldn't have resisted me if I'd have asked you to walk into the woods with me?" I playfully nuzzled her velvety neck. That day constantly played back in my mind, and I knew if I had released the monster, I would have ruined my existence because of destroying someone so pure and innocent.

"No, I wouldn't have resisted," she replied as she leaned more into my lips.

It was almost as if she was giving me the opportunity to finish what I had planned that day by offering me her silky smooth neck with her delicious blood pumping through her veins. I let my lips embrace her neck while keeping my teeth from piercing her delicate skin.

"Because of my fragrance." I stated. I was well aware of my powers that attacked my victims but I didn't want Bella to be a victim of the monster. Instead, I wanted her to be a victim of my heart, which burst with love for her.

"No, more than that. As I said, I was already in love with you without realizing it. I'd have gone anywhere with you." Her sigh engulfed me with her fragrance.

"What if I'd been a mass murderer? Let's correct that. How could you fall in love with a monster, a murderer?" I thought, How can I tell an angel a devil lives inside of me?

"I'd still have followed, besides that's a subjective opinion. I don't see you that way." Her eyes were so trusting, but I knew how unsafe it was for her to put so much trust in me. "I see you as an angel, and the only person I ever want to be with. As far as I'm concerned, the world can just pass me by because you're the only world I want. Nothing else matters."

I knew she had seen the monster I was capable of becoming because I saw him reflected in her eyes when our paths first crossed in Biology. That monster was still there waiting for me to slip, if only Bella could understand how dangerous I could be to her life. "Bella, I don't want you giving up on life. You've so much life yet to experience. It's not right to steal that away from you." He pushed a little away from me and gazed directly into my eyes.

"Do you really believe that I'd miss any of that?" Her deep brown eyes threatened to engulf me in their depths of honesty and trust. "Edward, the only thing I'd ever miss is being with you." She looked away, leaned against my chest, and ran her hand up and down my arm. My flesh tingled at her touch. "Edward, tell me why you won't change me?"

"I thought you understood." I wanted her to understand, but I couldn't force myself to reveal the monster that dwelt inside. I couldn't force myself to discuss the thirst that desiccated my throat or the craving that smoldered in a segment of my mind for a mouthful of her blood. To help stay focused, I kissed the top of her head and played with a strand of her richly scented hair.

"No, not really. All you've said is you don't want me to miss anything, but what would I really miss. I haven't had much of a life, but what I've had would change very little if I were like you."

"No, Bella, you don't understand." Maybe I could share the other bits of normal life she'd have to renounce. "You'd never sleep, you'd never have human friends, you'd never have children, and you'd constantly have to watch that you didn't give away what you were." Did she realize she'd sacrifice so much? "You spend your life on the move. You're never able to set down roots anywhere. You can't settle down because you don't age, and people get suspicious and ask questions. You endure a thirst for human blood but learn to overcome that thirst and be satisfied with the substitute. You'd have to give up the sunlight and your parents."

"Would I have to give up you?" She stroked my cheek, which made me aware of what I'd sacrifice by letting her go.

I found a deep longing building within to keep her with me, but forced the thought away. "No, but that's a poor substitute for life."

"No it isn't. Edward, you're my life, and I'm in the sunlight with you now. How would that change if I were like you? I've never had friends only acquaintances. Alice is the first person, besides you, I ever felt I could call a friend. As for children, I don't want any. The thought of being a parent terrifies me. Being as accident prone as I am, imagine what any child's life would be like with me as their mother." A musical laugh escaped her mouth.

"What's so funny?" I loved her laugh but couldn't fathom what she found funny about not having children. I thought every woman wanted children. I knew Esme saw children as special blessings, so why would Bella have no desire to have one. I still found myself amazed at some of Bella's reactions and revelations.

"I made up my mind about children when I was fifteen. Mom secured a babysitting job for me, my first and last. It was a disaster. It's lucky either of us survived. That poor child must've been traumatized for weeks. Afterwards, she started crying every time she saw me, and it took me a month to recover from my own injuries."

"What did you do?" I couldn't understand why any child would fear Bella. I wondered why the experience as so traumatic, and why it affected Bella in such a manner.

"Let's just say, that I endured almost every household injury, and Mandy, poor thing, sustained a few minor injuries I wasn't able to deflect from her to me." I tried to concentrate fully on what she was saying but she ran her finger lightly across my face outlining my eyes, nose, and lips and distracted me from giving her words my total attention.

"Like what?" I wanted to comprehend fully what she was going to tell me, but with her delicate fingers touching my face, I was in danger of losing control. I continued to wonder if she knew exactly what her touch did to my senses and if she did it on purpose to excite me or maybe distract me from what she wasn't telling me. I couldn't image that Bella would intentionally try to deceive me, so I accepted the idea that Bella didn't fully comprehend her affect on me. She continually reminded me that I dazzled her and others, but her touch, many times, dazzled me because of the new sensations it caused me to experience. So to refocus my thoughts on her words, I sat her on my lap so I could hold her hands still.

"Oh, a scrapped knee when we tripped over each other in the backyard, a bump on the head when she fell off the swing set, and . . ."

Okay, that did sound like Bella. If an accident was anywhere near at hand, she would find it, or it would find her. I couldn't help but smile at that thought. "Stop, I get the idea. Didn't they suspect you of child abuse?"

"No, I had more injuries then she did." Her hand once again began to trace my lips and I couldn't resist lightly brushing a strand of loose hair behind her ear and decided I would caress her face with my hand with the hope that I would distract her as much as she distracted me.

"Really? Please enlighten me." I felt this could turn into an interesting story. I enjoyed hearing about Bella's life and the problems and mishaps that she encountered. I hoped, maybe, talking about her normal life would help her realize what she would be missing.

"Well, I skinned both my knees and hands when we fell. I had a deep cut above my eye where the swing hit me when Mandy fell off, I cut my finger while making her lunch, and I sprained my ankle walking upstairs to put her to bed. Plus, there were numerous other bruises and scrapes. I looked a mess. I think they felt more sympathy for me than they did for their daughter."

Bella proved me wrong about my speculation. I kept forgetting hers was not a normal life. If I kept her talking about her past, I would never lead her to a desire to resume a normal life because hers was too full of accidents. I couldn't help but laugh at myself for thinking that Bella ever lead a normal life.

"Okay, so you think it would be safer if you didn't have children, but what if you change your mind as you grow older?" I wanted her seriously to consider the fact that she'd never have children.

"Once I've made a decision about something, I very seldom change my mind. Other than the reasons you've given, which won't dissuade me from my choice, what other rationale do you have for not changing me."

"An eternity of being on the run from being discovery. Bella, after the first seventy-five years, days blur into each other. It's as if you're offered nothing new just the same thing day after day. You get to a point where there're no thrills left, no surprises, no originality. You're constantly looking for something new and different, but it's all the same. Bella, it gets boring and you thirst for something more, but there isn't anything." She needed to take this seriously. She needed to consider what she would lose. I knew I was pointing out many of the obvious concerns, but I couldn't bring myself to broach the subject of the monster that would grow inside of her and try to dominate her life. If I did that, I would have to reveal the monster in me that she had caught a glimpse of when we first met. A monster I still struggled to repress. It was the ugly side of me; the side I never wanted her to see again. I know Alice told me to be open and honest, but about this I felt ashamed and I didn't want Bella to see that side of me again - a side of me that given the opportunity would rip into her soft tender throat and drain her dry.

"So basically you're saying you'll get bored with me and go looking for someone more exciting. So, all I am to you is a diversion, intrinsically temporary entertainment." Although she tried to repress it, I could see tears welling up in her deep chocolate eyes.

I thought, How can she think that? How can she even believe I would ever feel that way about her? Haven't I made my feelings absolutely clear? Does she think so little of herself that I could ever be bored or unhappy with her? I needed to reassure her and make it crystal clear that I would never feel that way, so I tenderly cupped her chin, turned her heavenly face toward mine, and looked deeply into her eyes. I felt as though I could fall into her eyes and never return. With every ounce of tenderness I could call forth, I replied, "No Bella, I'll never get bored with you. How could I. You're everything I'll ever want, but, in time, I may become that to you. In fact, I may be that already because I'm different than anyone else you've ever met."

I relinquished her chin and ran my finger down her cheek but her eyes remained fixed on my and I could find no release. I desired no release. I decided I would just drowned in her and be at peace.

"Edward, you're difference isn't all in your looks or what you are, it's in your demeanor. You're intelligent, witty, overbearing, and extremely lovable. Most importantly, you're not shallow like most of the guys I've met. You're real difference is who you are, not what you are."

I'm over bearing, I thought. I decided I needed to come back to this issue, but not until we resolved the issue at hand. "We still come back to the problem of regret. You feel this way now, but what if those feelings change. Don't you see, once you're change you can't change back; there are no other options. We don't get to select whether we want to remain what we are or change back, this is permanent, forever. There's no going back for any of us." I couldn't understand why she didn't understand how lonesome, monotonous and monstrous this existence could become. Why wouldn't she except the fact that I knew what I was talking about concerning the regret that would eventually consume her and lead her to hate me because I made the choice to change her.

"What makes you think I'd want to 'go back,' as you put it?"

Didn't she realize that we all felt some type of regret? She should realize that some of us could be consumed by regret, a regret that altered our personality. "Because we all experience regrets and wonder what if. What if I hadn't been changed? What if I'd been allowed to live a normal life? What if I'd been asked first, what would I have decided? I don't want you hating me for changing you, or looking at me with regret wishing I hadn't changed you." I closed my eyes to break the contact with her eyes that were continuing to drag me into her own. I needed to clear my thoughts, which wouldn't happen if I continued to drown her in lovely piercing eyes.

"Don't you realize I'd never want anything accept you that my one desire and longing is for us to remain together forever," she countered.

I opened my eyes and I found her eyes boring into my inner most being. I couldn't help but wonder if she were seeking the monster within for some unknown reason. I felt deceptive as I gazed into her eyes because they were so open, honest and forthcoming, but mine were shaded and hiding my darkest secret from her.

She surprised me by asking, "Edward, I thought you didn't have a choice that Carlyle saved you from dying that every one of you that he changed was on the verge of death anyway."

"We were." Why would she ask that? I had explained the circumstances to her. I couldn't help but wonder what prompted that question.

She leaned in and asked, "So, if he would've asked you whether you wanted to die or become what he was, would you have chosen death?"

"No." Once again, I was astonished at her question.

"Then what's the difference? I'm making a choice with a clear idea of what I'm getting into." She rested her cheek against my chest and took deep breath.

Did she think she had won this discussion? Did she think I would allow her to make this choice without understanding all the consequences of such a rash decision? "Bella, it is different for you." I stressed each word. "You've your whole life in front of you. You're not at death's door. There's so much more waiting for you and I can't be the one who takes that away. One day I'd see the regret in your eyes and know you hated me for taking those things away and not being able to give them back." I knew she would regret her decision, and she would blame me. That would harm our relationship, and I had no desire to lose her because of a bad choice on my part.

"You see, that's what I mean. You keep saying I have a choice because I'm not at death's door, but I've been there numerous times, and each time you pulled me back. And as for taking everything away from me, Edward, you're the only thing I want nothing else matters. How could I ever hate you if you're the one who choose to keep me forever because that's what I wanted? My question basically remains unanswered."

"Which one?" I felt I had answered all her questions, even if not fully. I couldn't see where she was going next.

"Are you keeping me around for temporary entertainment because you know you'll become bored with me?"

I was so shocked that she could still believe that, so I pulled away from her and looked deep into her eyes. It hurt to know she could believe I would behave so callously. "Bella, how can you even think that? You'll never bore me; in fact, you'll always surprise me. I want nothing more that to spend every minute of my time with you."

"But forever?"

"Yes forever. Never doubt that I love you, and I will always love you."

"But not enough to keep me forever."

I could tell she still doubted me because she shifted her face down breaking eye contact. The waver in her voice also revealed her doubt, concern, and fear.

Once again, I cupped her chin tenderly in my hands and tilted her head up so I could fall deeply in her eyes. I empowered my words with the passion I felt for her. "That's not true. I want to keep you forever, but it wouldn't be right. I can't kill you just because want you. I love you too much to make you suffer, and suffer you would. You don't know; you can't fully understand what it's like to exist this way."

"But I'd be sharing it with you. Don't you realize that I'd endure any suffering if it meant we'd never be separated? No, I can see this is something we don't agree on, but maybe future circumstance will enlighten you to what I really desire. Until then, I'll just keep hoping, and I'll continue making myself ready for what will eventually come."

I continued to stare deeply into her eyes. She told me something and I missed it. It was something subtle, something I should have picked up on; something she had done recently but what. I reflected back on the past twenty-four hours because I knew it had to be something resent. What had she done recently? I retraced the event in my mind. She had fallen asleep in my arms after the prom. She had that nightmare that woke Charlie up and brought him into the room. She talked to Charlie about us. No, she told Charlie how she really felt about me. It became a little clearer. She emailed her mother about her feelings. She openly confessed her love for me to her parents.

"Bella, what have you done?" I was shocked; I couldn't believe she'd done this. "You wouldn't . . . you couldn't . . . you didn't." I stammered. I realized she was burning her bridges and joining herself to me body and soul in front of her parents. She was preparing for what she saw as the final break from them. "You did! Bella, how could you?"

She didn't even deny my suspicions; instead, she stated, "Edward, one of the hardest things for me to do is make a decision. I can spend hours brooding over it. I can get frustrated, angry, and even irritated at myself, but when I finally make a decision, I'm resolved to carry that decision through, just as I did that day after La Push beach. I spent a better part of the morning deciding what I'd do about the information Jacob imparted to me. And like I once told you, my decision was that it didn't matter. It still doesn't matter. I don't care what you think you are, and I don't care what the Quileute say you and your family are. All that matters to me, as it did then, is that I love you."

I'd always wondered what her reasoning was for entering the woods, and she'd revealed the answer, but it made me wonder how resolved she really was about her decision. I couldn't understand how a human as innocent, sweet, delicate, and intelligent as Bella could forsake everything safe and normal and fall in love with the most dangerous predator of humans.

Bella needed to be more careful. She needed to care about what happened to her. "You should care. All these things should matter to you; it's all a part of your future."

"You've given me a lot to think about Edward, and I promise I'll think about them, but don't count on me changing my mind. Little of what you've said will alter how I feel, and I doubt I'll change the course I'm on right now. You see, for me you're my future, and more than anything, I believe fate's determined my outcome one way or another. The choice will ultimately fall to you because I know which choice I want. The question is which choice do you want?"

"Bella, you know what my choice is." Didn't she understand that I couldn't condemn her to this existence?

"And what if that choice is no longer an option?" Before I could reply, she put her warm fingers on my cold lips. I wanted to voice my reply, but her action warned me to stay silent for the time being.

Bella slipped off my lap and lay down with her head on my lap. I watched her as she regulated her breathing and pretended to sleep. I listened as she breathed and matched my breath to hers. I planned on listening for a few minutes before beginning our conversation again, but it took only a few moments before I realized she actually had fallen asleep.

As I looked upon her sleeping form, I allowed a number of emotions to skitter through my thoughts. First, I felt it was becoming easier to be around Bella but only because I constantly reminded myself of how breakable she was. I also continually reminded myself that one false slip on my part could instantly end Bella's life. I shuddered at that thought, but forced myself to remember how my actions could harm Bella.

In addition, my mind wondered back to the scent and taste of Bella's blood. That part of me that thirsted for her blood had to be kept under constant control. I could never allow that part of me to overrule the part that loved Bella more than my own existence. I knew when I kept my focus on my love for Bella that my thirst was easier to control, but that thirst never disappeared; it was a constant reminder of what I was.

My feelings of love for Bella created my next images and thoughts. I thought about my desires for Bella. I longed to touch her as I'd seen Emmett touch Rosalie but more gently like Jasper when he was intimate with Alice. At one time, I never believed I'd have these human feeling for anyone, but Bella's advent changed my whole world. Bella was like a light in the darkness; a sun that smiled down on me and radiated into my entire being. She brought warmth where I once only knew cold and joy where I only experienced sorrow. Bella was becoming the most important person in my existence. Everything I thought or did centered on Bella and her happiness; the one factor I tried to push aside was the knowledge that as long as I was around, Bella would never have the opportunity to live a normal human life. I hindered her from living, and I hated myself for not being strong enough to leave her.

Bella interrupted my thoughts by shifting slightly in her sleep and uttered my name. "Edward." It came out with such love and longing that I wanted nothing more than to scoop her up and tenderly smoother her with kisses, but I refused my urge so as not to wake her, but her utterance renewed within me the longing to make her a permanent part of my world. I didn't want to give her up, but I knew it was only right to return her to the world were she belonged.

The war within me raged as Bella slept. On one side, I knew it was right to surrender her to her real existence, but on the other side, the selfish side, I longed to keep her with me, and in one section of my mind, the monster waited for a weakness, a dropping of my guard when he could surface and satisfy his hunger for Bella's blood. My greatest fear was that one day the monster would win because I wouldn't be able to impede him from stealing Bella away from me.

I allowed the war in mind to rage as I searched for ways to repress my monster permanently. I also watched the sun inch across the sky. Finally, I noticed Bella's breathing change and I knew she was waking up. As I watched her face, I thought once more about how beautiful she looked to me. I also knew I would never find another person like Bella no matter how many decades I survived.

I smiled down upon her and remarked, "She awakes. Did you have a nice nap?"

"How long was I asleep?" she asked; her eyes barely open.

"About an hour or so."

"Why didn't you wake me?" She sat up and stretched. Her lovely form filled my eyes with unbidden desires.

"I love to watch you sleep. An inner beauty radiates from your face as you sleep. You're so at peace and few worries mar your angelic face, and I can stare at you all I want without interruption and enjoy your beauty." I couldn't resist her any longer, so I took her face in my hands, leaned toward her and gently kissed her luscious red lips.

"You say the loveliest things, and . . . no, let's not go there. I think it's time we put aside changes for the moment and focus on other controversial issues," she remarked playfully.

"Okay, how about your comment that I was overbearing." I needed the conversation to follow a lighter note after some of the dark thoughts I'd just wrestled.

"Well, you are. You want everything your way, despite what others want."

I noticed she had the cutest pout. Much prettier, in my opinion, than the sour pout I often saw upon Rosalie's countenance.

"Well, I disagree. I think about what's best for you first. I call that being considerate." I laughed because of the comparison to Rosalie. How could Carlisle ever have thought I could feel for Rosalie what I was feeling for Bella? I acknowledge to myself that no one would ever replace Bella in my heart.

"But what if what you think is best for me isn't viewed by me in the same way." The playfulness in her voice was replaced by seriousness.

"I thought we weren't broaching that topic again." I kept laugher in voice because I didn't want the conversation to turn serious.

"You started it." Her pout was back.

"No I didn't. You said I was overbearing." I thought, Let's not discuss changing you.

"And you are. Right now for instance. Okay, truce. Let's pick another topic," and this time she laughed, which reassured me that we would avoid our controversial topic of earlier.

"Like what?"

She totally changed the topic on me. "How long were you in my room while I was writing my mom?"

"Not long, only about two or three seconds."

"Then you didn't see everything I wrote." She seemed relieved about that fact.

"Yes I did." I wanted to smile but refrained. She was going to discover I had in fact read the entire email.

"How?" Her expression reflected disbelief and then shock.

"I read fast."

"How fast?" She asked.

"Extremely. It's like running."

"So, you read everything I wrote, but do you remember what was in it?"

"Hum. Well, it began, 'I won't tell you to sit down because I know you already are. So here is my news. Edward took me to prom last night, despite my overwhelming protests, and I surprisingly enjoyed the experience. It was not the prom I enjoyed, however, as much as the company.' But I especially liked, 'I have given this much thought, and I know what I feel for Edward. This feeling comes from deep within my heart, and if I admit the truth to myself, I loved him the first time I saw him.'" I smiled at the memory of the last comment.

"You have a photographic memory." She stated it as a fact. Then her expression changed and her face lit up. "You're helping me study for finals."

"I won't give you the answers." I wanted her to realize I wouldn't do anything to cause her to cheat on any of her test.

"I hadn't thought about that. You'll know all the answers for the tests. In fact you probably already know what'll be on the tests."

I didn't like where this conversation was going. "I still won't give you the answers. I go through this every year with Emmett. He thinks I should help him, but that would be cheating." Emmett could become irritating over this issue. Besides, it wasn't as if he didn't know the information; he had a photographic memory as well, so he didn't need to know what the questions would be in order to answer them.

"Does everyone in your family have a photographic memory?"

"Yes." I couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking at that moment.

And then she told me, "I wonder if Emmett had the same teachers last year as I have now."

"Why?"

"Maybe I'll ask him to help me study."

"That's still cheating Bella." I didn't believe it was possible that Bella was really thinking of cheating on a test.

"Not if he just quizzes me about information."

"No, he can study by himself or with Rose. I'll be your study partner." I liked Emmett, but I had no desire for him to spend time with Bella. Bella was mine, and I would help her study, not some other male.

"Are you going to suck the fun out of everything I want to do? You see, there's that trait of being overbearing again."

"You call cheating fun?"

"No, but a little help wouldn't hurt."

She was being particularly obstinate about this studying business; then it dawned on me why – trig, the subject she struggled with the most. "Emmett never took trig." Maybe that would deter her from asking Emmett for help, I thought.

"Oh." She seemed surprised that I had guessed her reason for wanting help.

"And as to having fun, how about this?" It hurt when she said I didn't enjoy having fun, so I decided I would engage in an activity I found extremely enjoyable. I pulled Bella closer and began kissing her shoulders, her neck, and slowly moved up her face until my lips found hers.

As I explored her neck with my lips, she sighed, "Yes."

I found this activity vastly enjoyable, and the sensations that rippled through my body were extremely pleasurable. If she were enjoying herself half as much as I was, then she would know that I did not suck the fun out of everything she wanted to do because I knew she also enjoyed this activity. I was also aware of the fact that it was hard for her not to respond in the way she desired to respond. Her restraints on her personal responses were amazing; it made me acknowledge how unique she was. She was able to enjoy the little I was able to give her without jeopardizing the safely of us both. I could never have indulged in this activity with any other juvenile females because they lacked Bella's integrity and determined control. Yes, Bella was a truly unique individual.

To my displeasure, I notice the sun was beginning its downward journey and I knew it was time to take Bella home. Bella was reluctant to release her embrace, so I decided I would just pick her up and head for the car. Bella would have to be in my arms anyway as I ran, so this seemed the easiest way to overcome her dislike of my running speed. We completed the trip to the car in silence. I felt this had been a special day, and Bella's silence reinforced that feeling.

The drive home was as silent as the drive to the meadow, but this time Bella laid her head against my shoulder. I enjoyed her closeness and I realized that even though I enjoyed driving fast, being fast shortened our time together. It seemed only moments passed before I pulled up in Bella's driveway. I knew I wasn't ready for the day to be over, so I carried Bella into her living room, set her down on the couch, and then I returned the quilt to the closet.

"You're so quiet. What are you thinking?" I asked as I sat down beside her.

She took my hand and kissed my fingertips. "How lucky I am, how much I love being with you, and how beautiful today has been."

"I love you too, but you seemed so deep in thought on the way home, I wondered if something else was on your mind." I enjoyed her sharing her thoughts, and I savored the sensations she caused as she kissed my fingers. In return, I caressed her face with my free hand.

"No, not deep in thought, I was just enjoying the feel of you as I laid my head against you and feeling that this is how I want to spend the rest of my life." She sighed deeply.

Her sigh was so deep, I thought, Was she tired of my company? Did I do something wrong? I was concerned about upsetting her, so I asked, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing really. I just remembered I need to call mom and, if you don't mind, I'd prefer to talk to her alone."

"In other words, you want me to leave." I knew this wasn't going to be easy for her. Would it really be anymore easy if I stayed around? I doubted that.

"Yes and no. Yes, because I need to speak to her alone, and no because I feel more comfortable and at ease when you're around, but I can't have both."

"I could hang around outside," I chuckled. If I stayed, I could hear what she said, and I could rush in and comfort her if she needed comforting.

"Oh sure, and how would that look to the neighbor's. I can hear it now, 'There's that Cullen boy hanging around again. Doesn't he ever go home?' No, there's no need for inquisitive neighbors to start gossiping, and I definitely don't want someone to suggest to Charlie that you look like a stalker hanging around outside." Her laugh brightened the room and her mood.

"What's so funny?" I inquired

"I just thought about when all of this started. Maybe you were a stalker at first, but I'm glad you fell in love with me. Unrequited love can be so depressing."

She didn't know how true her words really were. I did stalk her at first, but as prey not as an object of love. I wondered how she would feel if I revealed that information to her. Instead, I asked, "How long do you want me to stay away?"

"If I could plug up your ears so you couldn't hear, not at all, but since that's impossible, how about two hours."

Two hours, I groaned internally. "What am I going to do for two hours without my Bella?"

"Why don't you let Alice talk some sense into you?"

She knew Alice's vision about her changing; was she really thinking I would allow Alice to change my mind. "What do you mean by that?"

"Even though you have forbidden her to tell me, we both know she still sees me changed. Maybe she knows something she isn't telling either of us, or maybe she just knows what's going to happen in the future despite your obstinacy." She smiled, kissed me lightly on the lips, and got up to walk me to the door, but I decided I wanted more contact, so I pulled her gently into my lap.

"You don't give up do you?" She really thought Alice could change my mind. I laughed at the thought.

"No more than you, and Edward, no eavesdropping." She smiled back.

I didn't want to get into another argument about this issue, so I kissed her, stood up, but keep her in my arms, and carried her to the door where I kissed her once more before saying goodbye. Then I quickly left.

It didn't take me long to reach home, it never did. Before I reached the front door, Alice met me.

"Bella's mom is really up set."

"What did you see?" I needed to know that Bella was all right.

"I heard it more than I saw it." She was intentionally drawing this out. Why didn't she just tell me what she knew?

"What did you hear, Alice?" There was a slight edge in my voice.

"She called her by her full given name."

"Isabella?" I remembered Esme becoming very up set with me one day and using my full name, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. It sent chills down my spine to remember the disappointed tone in her voice. I realized I didn't know Bella's full given name.

"No. Isabella Marie." Alice smiled.

I thought, Edward Anthony and Isabella Marie. Yes, they sound right together. "I like that. It suits her." I noticed Alice's smile vanishing. "What's wrong?"

"You didn't tell Bella everything. You held back." Her frown deepened.

"I tried, but there were some things I couldn't reveal. They were too ugly." I couldn't bring myself to reveal the ugly part of myself to Bella.

"That was a mistake, Edward."

"Why? What do you see?" I reached out to her mind but saw only shadowy images.

"It's not clear, but your omission will lead to something. A decision which hasn't been made, but it could be harmful." Alice paused. I saw her searching deep but nothing clear appeared. "Why can't you just listen to my advice and follow it? Would it be so hard to tell Bella the truth about your thirst? Edward, Bella never saw the monster, she only saw you."

"No, Alice. I saw the monster reflected in her eyes twice that day. She would run from me, from us, if I told her all of the truth." I experienced emptiness when I thought about Bella fleeing from me never to return.

"Edward, you're wrong. Bella is much stronger than you give her credit. She is going to surprise you by the depth of her love for you even though you currently don't believe that." Alice turned and gracefully waltzed into the house where I knew Esme was waiting for me.

I found Esme in the living room; she watched my entry.

"Edward," Esme began, "Come have a seat. I'd like to talk to you."

"Should I guess what this is about?" Even though I knew, I thought I'd ask to see if Esme would honestly tell me what Alice and she had been talking about.

"You already know it's about Bella, so humor me."

"Okay." I walked over and sat down. "What's on your mind?"

"Edward, you know Carlisle and I consider Bella one of the family . . ."

I gave a low growl. I didn't want to talk about changing Bella.

"Edward," Esme's voice was sterner, "Let me finish before you become upset. Dispute the fact that Bella is human, we still consider her part of our family. I see how much she loves you, and I see the love you have for her. What I want to know is how serious are you about the relationship that is growing between you two?"

"What do you mean?" I searched her mind, but what I saw was her desire just to know if I was serious about Bella. "I love her Esme. How much more serious is that?"

"But how much do you love her?" She looked into my face looking for an answer.

"I love her enough not to want her to be like us. I love her enough to give her up when she is ready to live a normal life." Was I being honest? Yes, I loved her enough not to change her, but could I truly give her up. The more time I spent with her the more I wondered how it would feel to lose her; not just for a while, but forever. Not just forever, but forever to someone else, to someone who wasn't me.

"And in the process of leaving her, what if you hurt her?"

"Esme, I'd never hurt Bella. What did Alice see? Does she see me hurting Bella?" Had Alice held something back? Alice walked into the living room.

"Don't bother looking into my mind, Edward. You won't see blood or death. I don't see that type of hurt. Esme means, what if in the process of letting Bella go, because you're not willing to commit totally to this relationship, you break Bella's heart. Can you honestly say you would not be hurting her?"

"Look, I promised Bella I'd stay with her as long as she wanted me around. When she finally realizes that she wants a normal life, I'll leave. I won't be breaking her heart." I didn't add that I'd only be breaking mine, but I'd do it to make Bella safe and happy.

Alice laughed. "Bella will never leave you Edward. Are you so blind that you can't see how much she loves you? Haven't you looked in her eyes and seen the love she has for you. No, Edward, Bella will never willing decide to leave you. When I look at her future . . ."

"Don't Alice. I don't want to hear that I change her that I steal her life from her." How could she and Esme believe that I'd kill Bella, for I knew if I changed her, I'd be killing her?

"Alice, why don't you go spend some time with Jasper. Edward and I need to talk alone." Esme smiled at Alice and then watched her leave the room. "Edward, without interrupting, let me have my say. Okay?"

Esme just smiled at me and I knew I'd stay and listen to whatever she said. "I'll listen, but that doesn't mean I'll agree with you."

"I didn't ask you to agree. I just asked you to listen. Some of what I'm going to say, you already know, but I want to tell it again so you'll understand what I'm going to tell you afterwards concerning Bella. Don't get upset." She turned my face to so I'd look at her.

Esme was good at reading faces; almost as good as I was at reading minds. She knew she was treading on tender ground when she spoke about Bella.

"When I was sixteen, I saw Carlisle for the first time. Today, people would say I was too young to know what love was at that age, but we were raised differently back then. You remember how it was. I knew I loved him the first time I saw him, and it wasn't just because he was the most beautiful person I'd ever seen. His beauty was nothing compared to his compassion, and that was the quality in him I fell in love with, but I knew he didn't feel that way about me, and I knew I'd probably never see him again."

Esme stared off into space as she was remembering her past. She had a lost look on her face that was very endearing.

"I had decided I'd never marry. In fact, I'd no desire to marry because I knew I'd always love Carlisle and that was due to one brief meeting. Of course, you know how the rest of this goes. My father convinced me to marry when I was 22, an old maid by some standards, and even though I tried to love my husband, I could never forget the one true love of my life. I couldn't find happiness and I was miserable trying to make due with someone that was not even second best. Edward, that kind of pain can cause more hurt than any other physical hurt a human can undergo in a normal lifetime. When I finally ended my life, or thought I had, all I could think was at least the pain would stop. I knew I'd never be happy so death was the next best alternative." She stopped and drew in her breath. If she'd been able to, I wondered if there'd be tears in her eyes.

"It takes a lot for a person to decide death is better than life, but what did I have left. The only man I ever loved was lost to me forever, and my child, who would have been a replacement in my heart for Carlisle, had been taken from me. I saw no life left to me. When I woke up and saw Carlisle, I thought I was in heaven until I felt the pain. Then I thought I was in hell and this was my punishment. I thought I'd suffer unendurable pain for eternity while I gazed upon the face of the only man I ever loved." Esme took a deep breath before she continued. "When I finally realized what had really happened I felt two things at once, disgust at what I was and overwhelming happiness at seeing the one person who I'd been longing for. My greatest fear, when I had discovered what Carlisle had done for me, was that he'd done it just because he was lonely and not because he loved me. I guess you have heard that unrequited love is painful, and that is what I thought I'd have to live with forever. Carlisle soon discovered that I deeply loved him, and had in fact been in love with in from that first meeting. Over time, he fell in love with me, and then a completely new world opened up. I was no longer alone, and I wasn't just someone to have around for company. You know how my heart felt, Edward. I imagine yours felt the same way when you learned to Bella loved you." She looked at me questioningly.

"Yes, I think I understand that feeling. It was like having the sunshine on my face in the middle of the night. I still feel that way when Bella smiles at me with her heart."

"Yes, you do understand. Then understand this, Edward. Bella will feel the same way I first felt if you decide to leave her, or as you say, let her go."

"No, she won't," I wouldn't accept that. Bella would never feel that way, "but she will feel disgusted with herself and me if I changed her. Like you said, her first reaction would be disgust at what she has become, and then she'll hate me for changing her." No, I refused to change her and she would feel relieved to be free from a life of death. I wanted to believe this because it would make it easier to let her go.

"Don't delude yourself, Edward. Bella is human, like I was. I see the same love in her that I felt and still feel for Carlisle. She sees you as her soul mate, her life, her one and only love. Edward, she'll never love anyone as she loves you. If you force her out of your life, she'll have no life. In fact, she'll want no other life because nothing can replace what she has shared with you. As to feeling the same disgust that I felt, I don't believe she will. Edward, I had no idea of what Carlisle was when I fell in love with him. I didn't ask him to change me. Bella knows what we are. She accepts us as no human has ever accepted us. She knows what she is asking for; she knows what our existence is like." I knew she meant every word she said. She hid none of her thoughts from me. Even in her mind, she repeated the fact that Bella would only love me.

"Esme, how can you know for sure? How do you know she'll accept everything this existence means or that, once changed she'll still accept what she has become. I don't want to see hatred or disgust in Bella's eyes ever. I don't want her hating me. How do you know her love would continue after she has been changed?" I wanted to believe her; I wanted it very much because it would mean that I was not imagining my angel being in love with me. I'd know that Bella's love was true and that she didn't and wouldn't hate me for coming into her life.

"I know because I can see it in her face. Edward, I watch her staring at you all the time. Don't you see what's right in front of your eyes? Next time you look at Bella, really look at her, read her face. Stop trying to read her mind. Look, I know this is hard for you because you have never had an experience like this before." She paused and then continued, "I know I've given you a lot to think about, but for Bella's sake and for the sake of the love you two share, please think about what I've said. And remember, the greatest pain any human can suffer is a broken heart; it never totally heals." Esme got up, kissed my forehead, and left me to ponder what she'd said.

Could Bella really love me that much? I knew she said she loved me, and I wanted to believe that she loved me almost as much as I loved her, but could she love me enough that if she were changed she wouldn't regret what she'd become. Maybe Alice was right, maybe I should've told Bella everything about our existence. Maybe I should tell her yet tonight. There was so much I wasn't sure about, but I was sure about how much I loved her. I didn't realize how long I sat and thought about everything Esme said, but finally I notice it was dark. I had to find out what time it was, and just as I was getting ready to look, Emmett walked into the room.

"Oh, I didn't see you there. I'm not bothering you, am I, and why aren't you at Bella's like you usually are?" He truly seemed surprised to see me.

"What time is it?"

"After ten. By this time, you're usually over there and we don't see you til dawn or later. In fact, I didn't think I'd see you at all after last night."

"What do you mean by that?" What was he suggesting?

"Well, Rose thought maybe you'd moved into Bella's bedroom permanently since you didn't make your early morning appearance today."

"Rosalie should know better than to make comments like that." I snapped. How could anyone dislike Bella?

"I told her you wouldn't be happy when you found out, but you know Rose, she says what she thinks and doesn't care if you get mad at her. Edward, I like Bella, and I'm sorry that Rose acts this way, but I'm trying to convince her to be cordial at least."

"I know, and I didn't mean to snap. Bella is going to think I'm mad at her. I told her I'd only be gone two hours." I got up to leave and then remembered. "Oh, Emmett, don't give Bella any answers for finals you took last year," and with that I rushed out of the house. I could only imagine the look I left on Emmett face by that cryptic comment, but his parting thoughts were, What's that all about? Oh, man! Finals are coming up...

As I reached Bella's house, I heard her crying. Once again, I caused her this pain. Would my carelessness always be the cause of Bella's pain? I hated myself for inflicting this on her, and I didn't want her to cry any more tonight because of me. I rushed through her window, swiftly sat down beside her, and embraced her.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"I'm not upset with you," she sob quietly, "I'm upset with myself. I thought I'd driven you away by being so pushy this afternoon."

"Oh Bella," I softly said, "I was late because Esme wanted to talk to me. I never meant to be late, but when I finally realized what time it was, it was already after ten. I got here as fast as I could." I held her closer.

"If I upset you Edward, then I'm sorry. I'm sorry I doubted that you would come. I need to have more trust in you, but sometimes I'm afraid you'll decide you've had enough of me and my temper and you'll just leave and never return. I couldn't stand knowing I'd driven you away." She nestled her face into my neck, and I heard her breathe deeply.

"Bella, I promised you I'd stay with for as long as you wanted, and that I wouldn't leave you. You have to trust that I will keep my word." She was so close; she smelt so tempting, so I kissed her neck, which made her hold me tighter.

"If you left me Edward, I don't think I'd have any desire to live. I'd be so lost without you." A small sob escaped her.

"I won't let that happen." I gently lay down in the bed with my arms still wrapped around her. "You need to sleep Bella. It's been a long day."

"Edward, I'll always want you, forever." Those were her last words before she drifted into a deep sleep.

As I looked down on her sleeping form, I realized Esme was right. I would have to decide. If I changed her, I would have to do it in the next few years because even though I wouldn't care how old Bella was, her age would make a difference to her. I had no desire to lose Bella or give her up, but I was also extremely reluctant to condemn her to my existence. I had much to ponder as the night wore on and Bella slept peacefully in my arms.

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