I'm really sorry about how long this is taking. I hope that you guys enjoy the story though.
I have edited this chapter after wrestling to continue writing when I was unhappy with the previous version. This story is not abandoned but is definitely still a work in progress.
* I fixed some spelling errors
There might be triggers in this chapter but nothing explicit.
I don't own Naruto and don't make any profit from this story.
Chapter 2: How Nariko Became Naruto part 1
They were giggling again, thought Nariko dryly to herself, trying not to admit to the painful shards in her heart that betrayed her jealousy. It wasn't as if it mattered to her that she wasn't included. So, what if all the other girls were there? She didn't need to have her hair brushed gently, she didn't need to have it braided while singing songs and telling funny stories. Nariko was FINE. She definitely didn't care at ALL.
Besides, what did it matter anyway? Nariko didn't have long hair for the girls to braid, not when the Matron always shaves it so short. She couldn't even share her funny stories, not when no one wants to talk to her. She was fine with being left alone, sitting in the attic on her own, hearing them laughing without her. So, what if her chest feels funny like a bruise. She didn't need them, being a girl was far too troublesome anyway. The girls in the orphanage always had to stay clean and weren't allowed to climb trees or play with mud or be loud. Not that Nariko was allowed either, but she felt like she wanted to, it looked much more fun than the knitting lessons the girls had to take.
Looking out the window where a few men of the village were teaching the boys to be 'men' she sighed wistfully. What would it have been like if she had been born a boy?
It would probably not have made much of a difference Nariko winced. Nariko always tried at least to be honest with herself and being born a boy would not have made her any more popular than she was now. But people looked differently at little boys than at little girls and she liked to think this would have held true for her as well.
Except people do look differently at her, and not in the way with the expectations of a little girl's behaviour but as if she was 'wrong' as if she wasn't the same as the other children. As… as if she was worth less and her very presence tainted the people around her. Nariko swallowed. It was always a heavy thought, knowing that everyone around you thought that you were worth less than anything else alive.
Nariko was sure that no one even knew she was a girl. She once thought that the Matron had to know but had to acknowledge that the Matron didn't care, and since Nariko has been caring for herself for so long, she had probably already forgotten (if she even knew in the first place). Even to herself it sounds a bit ridicule, not one person knowing her gender but Nariko had been caring for herself for as long as she has been able. Nobody wanted to take care of her, so she did it herself. Sure, they gave her things like water to bathe with, but it was always the filthy water left over from the other children's bathing. And she always had this ratty dull grey shirt and holey grey pants (it did not look like grey was the original colour for either but after constant use, the colour had faded out and dulled to a muted shade of grey) to dress herself in. She didn't know if anyone has ever seen her naked. If Nariko was totally brutally honest, she had not known own her gender either. Constantly being referred to as an it, demon or monster had made her think she might not be either and may have been born a different species. She feels silly about it now, but she still remembered her confusion.
She had been sitting across the Sandaime Hokage at a ramen stand when the question came up. He sometimes comes and takes her for little walks around the village or, if he had time, to eat ramen. He could not do it often as he was Hokage and had a village to run, but Nariko always treasured the time they spent together. He has never been afraid to be seen with her and he has never, even before she knew him, glared at her with the cold hate-filled eyes of everyone else. It's why she had taken to calling him 'Jiji' as he is the closest thing to family that she has ever had. Sometimes she likes to pretend he likes it and that's why he never tells her to stop. He had been asking her about her day, how she was and what she's been doing when the question had tumbled out of her mouth.
. "Jiji" Nariko begins uncertain, "Am I a monster?" she wants to kick herself once the words are out, she cringes as she waits for him to scold her. She is pretty sure he wouldn't cause Jiji isn't like the others, but she can't stop her reaction. He looks at her like he's examining her from head to toe like he can see everything about her. She fidgets as she waits for his verdict. "Why would you think you're a monster?" He calmly asks her, yet his eyes are sharp and focused on her, taking everything into account as he waits for her answer. Nariko fidgets some more and tries to find the words. "I'm different" she finally exhales. "The best of us are" he replies his tone of voice calm and soothing.
"No! I'm different! Not like you different, different different! Different from the kids at the orphanage and the others in the village, people treat me different and so I thought maybe it's because I'm not the same as them, you know that instead of being a child, I am a monster." Nariko breaths nervously feeling her heartbeat rapidly as the tension at the table rises.
The Sandaime pauses as he thinks, still examining her with thoughtful eyes. His expression never changed but the air around him became charged. "Nariko, I assure you that you are no more a monster than I am." He calmly says before he focuses on her intently. "No one has the right to treat you different, you are a child of this village, and are valuable to us all."
The Hokage let out a sigh as he seems to sag slightly in his chair as if a heavy burden rests on his shoulders "Unfortunately not everyone acknowledges this, and even as Hokage I can't force people to follow my decree." He let out another sigh.
"Then why do they hate me?" Nariko asks a bit tearfully, her heart still hammering in her chest, but painful as if it was being slowly squeezed. She did not like this feeling as her throat felt closed and she started feeling warm. "I didn't do anything Jiji! I promise!"
The third closed his eyes in sorrow, seeing her like this, it reminds him of his failure to protect her. He can almost see Minato behind her glaring at him for the pain his village is causing his daughter.
"I don't know Nariko," he said quietly looking at the girl who was supposed to be the hero of the village. "I think you remind them of the terrible night 5 years ago."
"That's stupid" muttered Nariko glaring at the saltshakers. "I'm not a monster! I'm a child! Right, Jiji?" The Hokage smiled, laughing a bit under his breath. "Right Nariko, you are not a monster but a precious little girl." He relaxed his shoulders as the tense atmosphere around the table once more became relaxed.
"Um, Jiji…?" Nariko began uncomfortably again. "What does being a girl mean?" The Sandaime looked at her in slight disbelief before looking uncomfortable. Nariko has never seen Jiji this uncomfortable and wondered if she said something wrong. "You said I'm a girl, right?" She wondered aloud.
Sarutobi Hiruzen wondered how it had come to this and who is to blame. Staring at Nariko in disbelief he can't help but think of how bad her carers were failing her. He took a deep breath and while trying to think of a way to explain the concept. Thankfully he had his own sons, so he was not totally unprepared, but still how to explain.
"A boy is basically the same as a girl, they only have different body parts, which you don't have to worry about until you're older." He explained trying to keep it as basic as possible. "Usually, girls will have long hair and wear pretty dresses and boys will have short hair and be messier." He hoped that that would be enough explanation to explain the difference to her. She was only five years old; she didn't need more than the basics.
"So, girls have long hair and boys don't?" Nariko asked for confirmation. "Yes and no. Usually, which means most of the time, girls have long hair." Sarutobi explained. "So how am I a girl if I have short hair?" Nariko asked gesturing to her short-cropped hairstyle.
"Girls can have short hair too Nariko, it the body parts we can't see that make the difference." The Hokage patiently explained more at ease with the topic.
"If we can't see them, how do we know the difference?" Nariko was confused, how did invisible body parts fit into this? The Hokage chuckled at her confusion. "It's not invisible Nariko, it's just hidden under our clothes, no one is supposed to see those body parts, it's private." Nariko was still not sure she totally understood but she nodded her head and said "Ok" anyway.
The rest of the meal had gone more calmly, and no strange conversation topics had come up, but as they went their separate ways both had a lot on their mind. Nariko tried to find peace with the fact that it was not her fault, all the anger and hate, and that she wasn't a monster or demon. But that hurt more, to know she should have been treated like the other kids, so she rather tried to think of the ramen she had. The Sandaime was tired after seeing how far the villagers that Nariko was sacrificed to protect would go to see harm to her. For her to not even know she was a child! He could not let this go on. The orphanage was obviously not the best place for her, and she was five… He had to think about this.
Despite her initial confusion Nariko tried being a 'girl'. She tried learning to giggle softly instead of guffaw when she laughed, tried to sit primly when seated and to be dainty and soft-spoken. Except for no one noticed or cared and trying to do them felt wrong. Nariko liked laughing loudly, liked sitting comfortably and having to eat slowly when at any time her food could be taken made her anxious. She was just starting to decide being a girl is troublesome when she learned the truth. Being a girl is dangerous.
She had been locked outside again, it was a stormy and cold night even in the Fire Country. Nariko was briskly walking with her head down in the shadows not wanting anyone to spot her. Her heart hurt knowing that all the other at the orphanage were warm in their beds and that only she was locked out. She sort-of accepted it, in a resigned way of accepting her lot in life, and knew there was nothing she could do, so she pushed back her emotions and started searching for shelter. It was getting colder, and she was sure she heard some footsteps coming from the front, so Nariko quickly turned right at the next turn into an alley between two buildings. She was so focused on hearing if the footsteps came closer that she almost missed the scuffle taking place next to her.
Her back against the wall and her heart in her throat Nariko tried to see into the dark beside where she was standing. She could sort of see a shape in the dark, maybe a big man? And was there someone else? She had thought maybe it was a couple of drunks like she sometimes saw when she got locked outside, then she heard a whimper and a half-choked sob. Shocked she looked closer and saw that the big shape was pushing the smaller into the wall. It was a girl! A flash of lighting had streaked through the sky and for a split-second Nariko took in the scene. She wished she hadn't. There was a man chocking a girl against the wall, she was crying but he was smothering her. Another pained sound escaped her, and the man slammed her head against the wall. ''Shut up!" He snarled at her.
Nariko felt frozen, fear was choking her, and she couldn't breathe right. She wanted to run but the face of the girl kept staring at her in her head, kept begging for someone to save her. But Nariko didn't know what to do either, she was so much smaller than them. Still, Nariko remembered the fear of fighting for her life from the mobs, the absolute terror of thinking that no one would save her.
Taking a deep shaky breath to gather her courage Nariko yelled "Stop it!" at the top of her lungs hoping someone would hear her and come help. She jumped on the trash can before jumping on his back trying to force him back. The man startled before getting angry. Being so close to him she could smell the alcohol on him (It's not the first time she has smelt it). He reached up behind him and dragged her off his back. She kicked and scratched at him, but he was stronger than her and firmly got a hold on her. "Why you little brat!'' He hurled Nariko into the wall and started walking towards her.
Nariko's head hurt when she collapsed against the wall, it felt as if someone ran over her with a merchant's caravan. She could spot the other girl lying limp against the trashcan, could hear her crying alongside the ringing in her ears. Run! She wanted to yell but her head felt muted, and her lungs strained for air. She looked up at the man looming over her as he pulled his leg back to give her a kick. The girl was now in hysterics and Nariko was bracing herself for the pain.
"Not so fast," said a voice from behind the man. There was suddenly someone standing there, a weasel mask adorned their face, and they had a restraining hand on the man's shoulder. The ANBU Nariko thought in relief. They were safe now. She could see another masked ninja attending to the girl while the one in the weasel mask apprehended the man who assaulted her. Nariko heard a whoosh sound and suddenly the busy alley was startlingly empty.
Nariko sighed before winching, her back and chest hurt from where the man had hurled her into the brick wall. She got up and started heading out of the alley. She still didn't know where she is going to sleep tonight, and the storm was still building. She had almost made it out when there was another whoosh sound, and the ANBU Weasel was standing in front of Nariko. He crouched down in front of her frozen form.
"Hello, little one" He gently greeted her. Nariko sort of gave a nod back she wasn't sure, she was still reeling from the throw and the horror of the night. "What's your name little one?" Nariko blinked sure there was someone talking to her. "Little one?" He tried again. "Nariko" She whispered feeling as if her senses were covered in a thick fog. "Nariko, a pretty name. Why are you outside Nariko?" Nariko tried to shake off the disorientation as she tried to understand what he was asking. "Walking" She looked at him confused did he not see her walking before he stopped her? Suddenly he looked intently at her. "Nariko look at my eyes" he demanded gently before peering carefully at her pupils. "Are you feeling dizzy? Can you count my fingers?" He held up his fingers for her to see. Nariko tried frowning at him, of course, she could count, she was five, not two but she was a bit dizzy and try as she might she could not actually see his fingers. "Two" She lied, before blushing at his unamused silence.
"Why are you outside Nariko," He asked again, standing from his crouched position as he began leading her somewhere. "Orphage, Orph-o Orphan- ish – "She tried to explain. "Orphanage" he corrected her, "That one" She nodded wisely "It's locked," she said simply as if he should already know the answer. The fog was lifting from her; she started taking notice that he was leading her somewhere. "Where are we going?" she demanded trying to stop moving. "The Hospital" he stated now dragging her along. "Why?!" She started struggling harder than before. "You are injured" He stopped to look at her in question. "Why are you struggling?" Nariko was Indeed still struggling to getaway. She stopped "No reason" she mumbled, looking away from him. "Right" He started walking again. "Wait!" Nariko shouted, "I'm fine!" He paused in disbelief "Then why could you not count my fingers?" He was sure he had her there. "It was dark ok" she dared him with her eyes to refute the fact. "Ok," He paused under a shops light crouching in front of her again "Then count them now" Nariko glared at his stupid masked face before looking at his fingers. She almost sighed with relief. "Three" she gloated. "Right" He started walking again. "What?! Why?" Nariko squawked as she was pulled away. "I was right!" he kept on walking, now ignoring her. Nariko tried pulling away but found herself truly stuck, she tried to ignore her growing fear as she tried to convince herself it would be ok. But the Matron would often threaten her with the hospital telling her that is where they take the unwanted children to experiment on.
"Please" Nariko finally whimpered close to tears. The ANBU agent Weasel paused this time in confusion. He looked closely at her face trying to see if this was a deception. Seeing she really was scared he debated in his head over what to do. With a sigh he started walking again but this time in a different direction. "Come on," he said gesturing for her to walk beside him. Nariko sniffled and rubbed her eyes, she never cries, she can't believe she almost cried tonight. She hesitantly walked beside him. "Weasel-san where are we going now?" she questioned. "I'm taking you home" he replied. "Home?!" Nariko stumbled to a stop bewildered. "The Orphanage" he clarified looking at her confused again. "oh" Nariko blushed at her reaction. "Where else would you go?" The Weasel faced ANBU questioned her. "Somewhere" She avoided the question, not looking at his face. "Nariko please look at me" he paused again. As she hesitantly looked at his face he continued "It's not safe out here, especially for little girls. Look what happened in the alley tonight and she was only a few years older than you." Nariko looked at him trying to think on how to phrase her question. "Isn't the ANBU there to stop it from happening?" He stared back at her, his mask giving away none of his emotions but the air around him felt weighted. "The ANBU isn't always on time, we work more for the Hokage than the civilians" Nariko swallowed nervously wondering what's worse than being chocked to death but before she could question him, he started walking again. Nariko thoughts occupied her during the walk-through town. Being a girl wasn't just troublesome anymore, it was dangerous, and Nariko was sure that she didn't want to be a girl anymore.
When the Matron opened the door to find an ANBU outside, she went white as a ghost, she didn't even protest Nariko being inside, instead, Nariko was told to go to bed and then she locked the door with her hands shaking.
Nariko laid in her bed shaking slightly at the fact that she could have died tonight when he finished killing the girl, he would have surely killed her too. But more important to her was the fact that being a girl could get her killed or worse. And Nariko had no intention of that happening to her. Even though she wasn't sure exactly sure what worse was, if being a girl was so dangerous, she would just have to be a boy.
Hey thanks for reading, hope you guys enjoy the chapter. :)
I don't own Naruto and don't make any profit from this story.
This story is un-betad and all the mistakes are mine.
* Fixed some spelling errors
Chapter 3: How Nariko Became Naruto part 2
Nariko blearily glared at the sunlight stretching towards her. Yesterday's memories kept repeating itself in her head, making sleep impossible. Reluctantly, Nariko crept out of her futon, her determination to succeed in her task her only motivator. She was more determined than ever to stop being a girl, and that meant getting help from the one person that even knew she was a girl. Jiji.
Nariko knew that a lot of her determination and fear stemmed from what she witnessed, could admit that changing her gender at least hiding her gender, might be an overreaction. But Nariko could not block out that little voice inside of her that kept fanning her fear. If it is so dangerous being a normal girl, how much more dangerous would it be for her, the demon girl, the one no one would miss, that no one would help. If someone hurt a little girl, others would step in to stop it. For her, they might just join in if they did not walk away.
And Nariko was scared, the face of the older girl kept flashing in her head, the terror in her expression, the hopelessness in her eyes. She had been convinced that her fate was inescapable, and her struggle had been out of hopelessness. If Nariko had not been there that would have been true. But there is no one that would step in for Nariko and so Nariko would have to protect herself. And Nariko could protect herself. Nariko had sworn that she would never just accept her fate, never stop fighting for her right to live. But even she had to admit that the man had been much larger than Nariko, much stronger. Had the ANBU not arrived then Nariko might not have been here to even remember it. And that scared her, that being a girl means someone could hurt her before she could become strong enough to protect herself.
It felt as if her organs had turned to stone, weighing her down with the inescapable truth. A sense of urgency clawed at Nariko urging her to hurry up, to save herself. Nariko took a deep breath. She knew it was just the fear clawing at her, that no one even knew she was a girl. But it was difficult to banish the images in her mind. Escaping the dreams where she was in the girl's place and that everyone who passed by just stopped to laugh. Nariko glared at herself irritated at her vulnerability. So, what if they would laugh, so what if no one will help. She was going to help herself! She was Nariko Uzumaki, and she was no one's victim, Believe it!
Walking down the streets in Konoha has never been as daunting as it was that morning. Nariko kept having to stop herself from flinching every time someone came near her. She felt like jumping out of her skin and was hyper-aware of every glare that came her way. Feeling like a bug under a microscope Nariko tried going unnoticed. But even shrinking into herself didn't help, it felt as if it provoked the glares into getting worse. Nariko could feel the tension in her shoulders, could feel the muscles straining as she hunched into herself wishing she could be invisible. She caught a glimpse of the blurry outlines of a ninja jumping over the rooftops and wished she was able to use that method. Nobody was even looking at them; they were so fast they blurred.
Nariko clenched her jaw. It couldn't be so hard to go unnoticed. Nariko squared her shoulders and focused on her surroundings. What can I use to go unnoticed? She eyed a few pieces of washing that could work as a disguise, but then there was the risk that someone might notice her taking them and having to run from a mob chasing her for stealing the clothes was the last thing she wanted. So instead, Nariko tried to stick to the shadows of the alleys and the buildings. It was an exercise in frustration. She tried blending into the shadows and it appeared to be working but then someone would catch a view of her, and the mutterings would begin. It got to the point that the villagers would chase her from the front of their buildings, accusing her of trying to sabotage their stores.
Nariko could feel their anger, and it caused a bitter taste to linger in her mouth. She felt hot and cold at the same time as she walked down the street, staring resolutely forward to not give them the satisfaction of seeing her affected. Her stomach churned fiercely, and it felt like at any moment she could start spitting flames as a warm acidy feeling pushed up her chest, pushing aside her lungs and making her chest feel heavy. Nariko swallowed down the feeling. She could not let them affect her. Breathing into heavy lungs she ignored her surroundings and just breathed. She could do it. It doesn't have to be today, but one day Nariko was going to be good enough to go unnoticed, where nobody would know she's there unless she wills it. With her feelings resolved and her goal set Nariko started paying attention to her surroundings again. She stopped short. The buildings around her looked familiar. And not in I see this everyday familiar, more in the I have walked past here twice familiar. Nariko tried to remember the way to the Hokage tower but came up blank.
Nariko could feel the heat rising in her cheeks as she remembered she has never been to the Hokage tower and therefore didn't know how to get there. She was pretty sure her head was on fire as even her ears felt warm. She was never going to mention this to anybody, ever. Embarrassed Nariko determinedly ignored her blunder and hurriedly made her way to Ichiraku Ramen, Old Man Teuchi probably knew the way.
The Hokage tower was a big looming building that was taller than all the buildings in Konoha. It towered over Nariko as she stood at the entrance. It was a fairly busy place; Ninjas were everywhere going in and out. Nariko has never actually seen so many ninjas before, she was a bit intimidated. She swallowed down her nerves and steeled her spine. 'I can do this!' she vowed.
Ten minutes later Nariko was standing exactly where she started. The building guard didn't even let her start talking before he kicked her out, and no matter how many times she tried she always ended up here. Glaring at the building in front of her Nariko sat on the floor. If she wasn't allowed in to see Jiji then she would sit here and wait for him to come out.
Meanwhile, the Sandaime Hokage was feeling his age. 'I'm too old for this' He frowned as he looked at the building in front of him. This was the fifth building he has visited and so far, as soon as his request was heard he could see the excuses pile up. Putting on a smile he wasn't feeling he knocked on the apartment manager's door. The door opened to show a heavily scowling man opening his mouth likely to shout at whoever was knocking. When he registered who was in front of him, he immediately dropped into a bow. "Hokage-sama" he stammered out. "Good evening" the Sandaime greeted.
Hiruzen Sarutobi walked to the Hokage tower ready to finish his work for the day. He was tired in a way that was all too common these days, especially when concerning his late successors' daughter. It weighed heavily on his mind how this village was treating little Nariko and hoped he had at least solved one of her problems.
'I'm tired' thought the man known as the god of shinobi. He has been working too hard, he was sure he had just imagined seeing Nariko. No, he had just seen Nariko. Nariko was, in fact, sitting cross-legged in front of the Hokage tower ignoring the activity around her. 'What did they do now?' wondered the Professor as he came to a stop next to Nariko. "Are we waiting for someone?" he asked looking at the door askance. "Jiji!" Nariko cheered, she jumped up and hugged him uncaring for the looks she is getting. "You took a really long time to come out you know" She pouted in indignation. He looked closely at her, and seeing how stiff her movement is, he knew she must have been sitting there awhile. Frustration bubbled up before the Hokage ruthlessly suppressed it. While it might relieve his anger to allow a bit of killing intent to leek in the direction of the building, he didn't want Nariko to think he is mad at her. Instead, he smiled down at her letting his affection towards her show. "Is that so?" He said mildly. "Well, I'm here now, aren't I?"
Nariko was so relieved when Jiji showed up she almost forgot what she wanted to ask him. "Um, Jiji?" Nariko hesitantly began "Is there somewhere we can talk? You know... Private?" Nariko could feel her ears burning again. Her stomach felt fluttery, and she was kind of nauseous. The Hokage looked at her and Nariko nervously wondered what he was seeing. "I might know a place" He smiled gently at her and Nariko felt her nerves disappear. This was Jiji if there is one person, she knew she could trust it would be the Hokage. For whatever caused people to hate her, Jiji never had. For that reason alone, she would love him, but he had never misused her love as others would have and therefor Nariko trusted him with her life. She would trust him now with her plans.
The Sandaime led Nariko to an apartment building on the outskirts of town. Nariko looked at him in question, but he just smiled at her and lead her to the lone apartment on the top floor. Nariko was ready to start questioning him when the Hokage opened the door with a key and led her inside.
Inside there was a small kitchen area and a living room dining room combo. Through the door on the side, she could see a bed, so that was probably the bedroom.
"Jiji?" Nariko questioned finally, no longer being able to maintain her silence. "Yes?" The Hokage looked at her in question, as if he had not just led her to a random apartment that she has never seen before. About to ask where they were Nariko paused before opening her mouth. As curious as she was, she had a more pressing matter. "Jiji, I need to be a boy." The venerable elder blinked slowly, opened his mouth and closed it again. "A Boy?" he asked slowly as if turning the words over in his mind. Nariko started feeling the flutters again so before she lost her courage, she recounted what had happened last night. As her story progressed the Sandaime face became grimmer and serious." … and I don't think they would help me if I need it, so I want to be a boy so that nobody gets the chance." For the second time today the Hokage acutely felt his age. There are things even a Hokage can't prevent, and crime is one of them. And while crime rates in a hidden village are much lower than elsewhere, these things still can happen. It saddened the man to know the little girl in front of him had witnessed such a heinous attempt. And worse still was her conclusions. A part of him rebelled fiercely at the notion that any human being would allow such attack to happen, the part that believed in people, the part that believed Minato when he said she would be seen as a hero. Sadly, that part was smothered by the knowledge that Minato's faith was misplaced. The part that had seen the depth of cruelty the village dealt towards Nariko, and he couldn't refute her claims as much as he wished to. So as much as it grieved him to hide a part of the girl he saw as a granddaughter, he sat down and helped her plan.
That night saw Nariko tossing on her bed. Yes, a bed. Nariko could hardly believe it. Jiji agreed with her and helped her plan, and then as she got ready to leave Jiji gave her the key and said it was hers now. Hers! As in a place where no one could lock her out of. No more running from drunken mobs because she would be safe in her bed. In her own apartment.
But the real treasure, the thing that made it priceless, was a small seal Jiji showed her that was carved next to the door. A seal that would prevent anyone not keyed in from entering. Nariko has never felt as safe as she did at that moment. She was still basking in the feeling hours later. No, the reason for her tossing had nothing to do with fear as it did the night before. No, it was the quiet that got to her. Even as far removed from the others as she was in the orphanage the noise was always present, and as much as she was despised, the noise created an illusion that she wasn't alone.
But here in this new apartment, there was no noise. No illusion. And as nice as being safe felt, it didn't hide the fact that she was all alone. Nariko stared up at her nice white ceiling. She was fine. She didn't care that she was alone. So, what if the others…
But lying there staring at the ceiling with no one around, all alone, she couldn't lie to herself. It wasn't fine. It hurt. A lot. And she did care, in fact, she cared so much that it felt as if the gap in her heart was a physical wound. And it has never been okay that the others had what she craved so desperately. Lying awake, still staring at her new ceiling, Nariko wondered what it would be like. To have others to hug and laugh with, someone to tease and play with. Someone who would care if she got hurt. And she wished it with her whole being, she burned with the desire so hotly she wondered if she would turn to ash. 'I will have that' Nariko vowed. Her throat felt thick and her head heavy, but her heartbeat was steady. She was Nariko Uzumaki and someday she will be loved, Believe it!
