.: 3 :. An Esper Angel

Setzer pulled out a chair as he sent Edgar and Locke a shielded glance.

"I haven't seen her like this since Phunbaba attacked her and the kids. Man, was she pissed that day," Locke said.

"As I recall, she beat him soundly," Edgar reminded in a quiet tone. "What do you suppose she'll do to-- What was his name?"

"Ledo. Ledo Grikea," Setzer offered.

Locke flung a dagger to the opposite side of the ship with a scowl. "I don't really care what she does to this guy. She can flay him alive for all I care."

Edgar raised his eyes. "Locke, there are laws to follow. If we don't abide by them, then we are no better than the criminals for which we search."

Locke wielded another dagger and sent Edgar a hard look. "That's a crock, Edgar. Stealing kids? That's about as low as anyone can get, in my opinion."

"I agree," Setzer admitted as he calmly shuffled a deck of cards.

"This slaver needs to be taught a lesson, and I think Terra is just the person to do it." Locke emphasized the comment with another dagger hurled across the room.

"You gentlemen do not seem to understand!" Edgar stood. His blue eyes showed anger and annoyance. "If Terra does this she'll likely go mad, just as she did before. Remember the episode with the Esper in Narshe? She screamed off and destroyed many things because of her inability to control her power. It won't be exactly the same, I grant you, but close enough in any regard. She will be forever changed if she surrenders to the rage. She will become unable to control her anger, and it's our responsibility to prevent that," Edgar insisted.

Locke and Setzer lowered their gazes to the table. Edgar turned and slammed from the room.

"You don't think he may be right?" Setzer nonchalantly dealt a game of cards without glancing up. "After all, he's known her longer than I have."

"Yeah? Well I've known her longer than he has," Locke countered. "Deal, Setzer."

The gambler smirked and dealt the cards.

Edgar strode to the top deck and gripped the railing. Why won't they listen? Don't they see that who she is will be forever changed if she does this? Don't they realize that she will no longer be the quiet and compassionate woman of strength that we've come to love? Edgar was surprised that Locke seemed so oblivious to the problem. He'd always been so over-protective of her. Like he saw Terra as a sister. Why, then, is he being so blasted pig-headed!

Edgar let out a quick breath as he turned from the railing to stride toward the bow of the airship. His eyes automatically searched for Terra's full head of light green hair. She stood behind the wheel with a grim look of determination as she steered their course. Something in her eyes spoke clearly of the inner terror that one of her children might have been hurt.

He came to stand beside her, gently placing a hand on her shoulder. "Are you all right?" Her grip tightened on the wheel as she silently nodded. "Did you need a rest?"

"I'm okay, Edgar. I've been through tougher times than this." Her voice sounded strained.

"But never alone, Terra. We were there."

Terra sighed deeply and then glanced his way. "Do you ever miss it?"

"The battles? Hardly," Edgar said, slightly smiling. He clasped his hands behind his back. "Kefka? Definitely not. But the constant companionship? The laughter? The good times?" He watched her profile as the shadows of the sun through the clouds painted a heart-wrenching portrait of grief, terror, and innocent loveliness. He tightened his hands. "Yes, I miss that beyond a shadow of a doubt."

Terra refocused ahead. "Being a king is hard work, I guess."

"At times," he admitted, unable to look away from her face. The smooth skin that he so longed to caress... He cleared his throat and looked away. "Actually, most of the time, but the people of Figaro are in my blood. On some days they are my only reason for existing. They help me through the darkest times."

Through the ache brought by visualizing one woman's face while sharing his touch with another. Then the guilt. Through the loneliness of a cold bed, empty and unshared since realizing how only one woman would be enough. Edgar fisted his hand even tighter, his heart pounding at the possibilities he wouldn't let himself visualize, even as she stood so close beside him. Damn it...

Terra made a slight alteration to the course. "Your father would be proud of you, Edgar," she said quietly. "Of both of you. You're helping put the world right again."

Edgar caught Terra's glance toward him and released a slight, somewhat pained smile. "I appreciate the comment, Terra, truly I do, but I'm of the mind father would be less than thrilled with my handling of Figaro's relationship with the Empire." And my cowardice in relation to my relationship with you.

Terra's second glance was bright with surprise. "What? Edgar, you did what you could in a tough situation. You couldn't have gone against the Empire in everything. They would've known you were a threat and kept a closer watch on you. That would've put the Returners in danger."

Edgar lowered his eyes as he clenched his hands behind his back. He rocked back on his heels and then flat-footed again with a slight pursing of his lips. "Yes. That's true."

"But you did charm the Empire. And you did sign a treaty. And you did make it possible for the Returners to do their job a lot easier than if you hadn't been able to freely help them."

Edgar clenched his jaw. "Yes." Yet I'm unable to excuse myself to a very different duty of charming, Terra. Instead, I run to the touch and stroke of women who hold nothing to compare to you... My bravery means nothing.

Terra sent Edgar another glance. This time, she released one hand from the wheel and placed it on his arm. Her eyes met and held his. "You saw what needed to be done, Edgar," she told him softly. "You saw it and you did it. Never doubt that your father wouldn't have done the same."

Terra's voice and eyes seemed to work a miracle then, repairing a void in his heart and soul that had been steadily distancing him from the memories of his father. Memories he had once feared would prove he hadn't lived up to his father's expectations. Edgar pulled his gaze from hers and covered her hand with his. "Thank you, Terra. You will never know what those words mean to me."

Deepening his certainty that... he loved her. Her softness. Her dedication to duty. Her determination and strength. Her care and compassion. Her power and yet her weakness.

Terra's tender hold slightly increased, her eyes not looking from his as the warmth of her touch spread from her long fingers and through his arm. It made his soul tingle and his eyes see white.

"I think I do," she said in that still silk-soft tone. "You and your brother have always been strengthened by your family, duty, and honor. If you thought your father wouldn't have seen what you did as honorable or right or whatever, it would've made you doubt who you are."

Edgar swallowed hard as he watched her profile. Her insight into his family... Has anyone seen through me so well? "You are truly a good friend, Terra," he forced in a calm voice, "to understand me so easily."

Terra giggled, and the sound burst with innocence and joy. "It's been anything but easy, Edgar." She pulled her hand from his with another glance toward his face before placing it on the wheel. "Three years with children and nearly five relearning how to be human has been hard. Fun in its own way, but definitely a challenge."

"And a challenge that has dealt with you most kindly." Making her more desirable. More of a constant itch in the back of his soul and heart. An itch no other woman could satisfy.

Terra sent him a slight smile that seemed to shine and twinkle in her violet eyes.

Edgar watched her profile as she guided the ship. Her high, delicate cheekbones. Her pure skin holding a color of innocence and life. Her femininity and delicate spirit balanced with determination and strength. And a touch of naivety in the wisps of hair that curled and tickled her neck and ears. An intoxicating combination that made his chest tighten as he gazed upon it. Could someone such as she exist? he asked in disbelieving confusion. She must be of my imagination. This woman who understands my fears and comforts them away. This child of war who understands delicacy and kindness so completely. This Esper angel who protects those she loves with such dogged determination and zeal.

Edgar moved his focus to the horizon with a slow and deliberate inhalation of breath.

"I know why you're really here, Edgar," Terra said quietly.

Edgar moved his eyes back to the silhouette perfectly captured against the brilliant sky. To persuade myself to do something that has burned within for ages. To... "Do you?" To...

"You want a turn."

Edgar suddenly laughed. "No, no. I came to be a comfort, Terra. I haven't been a very able friend of late, and I'm attempting to change that." She turned her head to look at him, and a strange emotion flickered within her eyes. An emotion Edgar didn't remember seeing before.

"Thank you," she said softly.

Holding her gaze, he brushed a hand gently across her cheek before resting it upon her shoulder. "You're quite welcome."

Terra leaned against his hold for a moment before turning her head back to the view ahead of them. Edgar forced himself to release her shoulder and breathed in slow, the breath doing nothing to relieve the burning tingle.

"What if I don't find them, Edgar?"

The strain in her voice was clear as Edgar turned to watch her delicate profile. "We will, Terra. We will. There is no 'I' when you're among friends; only 'us' and 'we' and 'together'."

Terra sighed while giving a slow nod. "I know, but... They're so young. The oldest is only ten. What will this do to them?"

Edgar rubbed her back. His fingers burned at the warmth of her skin and, again, she seemed to lean against his touch. "Everything in life makes us stronger," he told her, gentle yet firm. "You know this. Look at your own life. You were fearful and unsure of everyone around you at one time. You were even troubled by your own identity. Now look at you."

"I don't feel I've changed," she confessed. "What if I do something that gets them hurt? Or... or killed?"

"Terra, during the pursuits, intrigues, and conspiracies of Kefka you were the consummate soldier. The reliable ally. The trustworthy leader. Don't doubt yourself now. Not when you need those skills most. You will be fine, as you always were."

"But, Edgar..." She turned her head toward him, tears glistening in Terra's unique eyes. "Edgar, I'm not the same soldier. I can't use magic. I'm not as strong. What if that's enough to change everything?"

Edgar's throat tightened around all the assurances he wanted to give her, and he choked on all the empty promises. Why can't I lie to her as I did before? Why can't I offer her the easy answers I know so well? All he could do was smile down at her in his most charismatic manner and lightly touch her nose with a finger. "Your beauty and charm are magic enough, my lady. The ruffians will have no chance of resistance." I lost strength to stand against it a long time ago...

Terra smiled, albeit a little reluctantly, and cupped Edgar's cheek with an almost hesitant touch. "I missed you, Edgar," she whispered as she lightly stroked his cheek with her thumb. "I missed you a lot."

Edgar couldn't resist. He took her hand from his cheek and pressed the wrist against his lips for a long moment, his gaze holding hers. When something sparkled within their violet depths, Edgar closed his eyes to kiss again her wrist and then her palm. Don't hope for too much, he told himself. You are her friend, and that is all she believes to be true. Do not begin to hope that she feels more, for she doesn't understand any love other than the love she feels for her children. Be her friend, he told himself firmly. But the hope was so easy when she looked at him...

"And I you," he said softly, finally meeting her gaze.

Terra very slightly shook her head. "Edgar... Edgar, don't stay away so long next time," she pleaded in a choked voice. "Please?"

Edgar lowered her hand from his lips, continuing to hold it as he caressed her jawline with a finger. Then he brushed some hair behind her ear. "This I swear, my lady. This I swear."