AN – Disclaimer, all characters are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer.
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16-Study Time – Bella
The week after my cast came off, I began to notice some of the end of school activities that were taking place. The main one that caught my attention was the end of the year talent show. I thought of Edward when I saw it.
"So, are you going to try out for the talent show?" I smiled at Edward thinking about his musical expertise.
"Oh sure, Emmett and I could wrestle a bear and then suck it dry." He replied under his breath.
"Well, I actually thought you could play the piano, but the bear idea could be extremely interesting," I teased.
"I tell you what. I'll try out if you do." He countered.
I felt all the blood drain from my face. There was not an ounce of talent in my entire body, but I replied, "Oh yeah, I can perform my best skill."
He smiled broadly and asked teasingly, "And what's that?"
"I can hear it now. Watch the amazing Bella trip over air," I finished with a slight smile. "Maybe we should both skip the talent show since one of us has none."
"Bella, you have a lot of talent. I don't know anyone who can out blush you, and nobody has as many mishaps as you." I grimaced and then he swiftly added, "But those are two of the things I love the most about you." His crooked smile spread across his face and then he kissed her.
Too bad Coach happened to turn the corner at that moment because he promptly said, "Mr. Cullen, Miss Swan. Detention."
As soon as he walked off, I looked up at Edward and groaned, "Now look what you've done." I had never had detention in my life. "What I'm I going to tell Charlie?"
Edward only smiled in response. I wished I could read his thoughts at that moment.
I was fortunate; Charlie arrived home late and no one from the school had informed him that I had detention. I was hoping word of my misbehavior did not reach him because I didn't want to explain why I ended up with detention in the first place.
After another week safely passed and Charlie made no mention of the event, I felt I could breathe easier, but only about that incident. As the first week of June approached, so did my next fear – finals. I didn't really mind finals, and I felt sure I would pass all of them except for the Trig final. I feared only that exam. Trig was still hard, and some of the concepts still eluded me. I knew I would have to spend extensive time studying for that exam, and Edward had already reminded me, and probably everybody else, that I could not ask them what would be on the exam.
Jasper and Emmett had taken the exam last year; well, so had Rosalie, but I wasn't about to ask her for help. Cheating was not really something I did, and I would not have asked either Jasper or Emmett what was on the exam, but I was ready to ask their help to study. In fact, the more help I received, the better I felt.
The weekend before finals found me once again at the Cullen house seeking someone to help me study. I knew Emmett and Edward were gone hunting, so I decided I'd ask Alice to help me study. Charlie had given me permission to go to the Cullen's house only after I assured him Edward was camping with Emmett. He was still slightly uncomfortable with allowing me alone with Edward; it was a good thing he didn't know how often I was actually alone with Edward or that Edward spent most nights in my room. Alice offered to help, but also suggested that Jasper also stay and help, because, as she said, he was better at Trig.
I discovered that after two hours of study a person becomes mentally exhausted, so I suggested we take a break. I thought I could use the break to ask Jasper some questions that had been developing while we had been studying.
"Edward mentioned the other day that it was still hard for you to be around me sometimes," I commented to Jasper.
"He's right. I still struggle, and even though you're around quite often, there are times when you become a temptation," he admitted.
"Is now one of those times?"
"Right now is fine. Alice and I were just hunting yesterday. Besides, it does help when Alice is with me. She stabilizes me to some extent." He reached over and took Alice's hand.
"I guess I owe you an apology. Ever since Phoenix, I thought it was easier for you. During that time, it didn't seem like my blood tempted you. I thought you were becoming accustomed to it."
"Phoenix was different. You're life was at stake because of being hunted, and Edward's happiness was being endangered. I was able to focus on helping Edward and you so my concentration was fixed along different lines."
"Oh, I think I understand. Since you were more focused on keeping me alive, you didn't have time to think about bit . . . Oh, no, I didn't . . ." I hadn't stopped to think about what I was saying before I said it. I felt so angry with myself. I knew I was fiercely blushing and hung my head in shame for what I had said. "I'm so sorry Jasper," I whispered, "I really didn't mean that." I felt a tear escape and roll down my cheek; I was so angry with myself.
Jasper put a finger under my chin and lifted my head so my eyes met his. I almost closed my eyes for fear of his look, but when our eyes met, his were dancing with laughter.
"Bella, you can be so funny at times. Why should you apologize? You didn't say anything that wasn't true. I should be the one apologizing for ever harboring thoughts like that."
"No," I replied quickly. "Why should you apologize for what comes naturally for you. I know it's hard, or at least I think I might understand how hard it is." He was still smiling at me. "Well, maybe I don't really, but I don't want to make things difficult for you or any member of the family. I guess I'm overly optimistic."
"Maybe, but I can understand how our time in Phoenix could confuse you. I was trying to be there for you to help keep you calm, which wasn't easy by the way."
"Why?"
"Because you refused to be worried about what you should've been worried about."
"Which was what?" His comment confused me.
"Yourself of course. You should've been worried about your own safety. That's the fear I tried to calm but quickly discovered it wasn't the cause of your overwhelming concern and fear. You were worried about everybody except yourself. Are you always like that Bella?"
I had to stop and think about that. In reflection, I couldn't come up with one time when I truly worried about my welfare. Even that night in Port Angeles, I was scared but I pushed the fear aside in order to face the situation and decide what to do.
My answer reflected my brief self-examination. "I guess so. It's funny you should say that because I've never noticed it. I don't deny the fact that I've been scared or experienced fear, but when faced with extreme situations, I seem to focus on how to escape or others who might be hurt."
"I pointed that out to Edward a while back," Alice commented. "It's one of your special characteristics."
I never thought of it as special, just how I was. "Don't other people think that way? Surely I'm not the only person who considers others first?" I found it hard to believe that other people didn't behave in a similar manner.
Jasper replied, "Most people, Bella, think of themselves first in almost every situation. They focus on what's in it for them, good or bad. Self preservation is a natural instinct, and when faced with danger, most people see their own life as more valuable to them than anyone else's."
"So this makes me special? I don't feel special." I hadn't meant to say that aloud, it was more of thinking aloud. It also mystified me that thinking of others first would be seen as something special, especially since I have always been that way.
"Bella, it's only one of the things that makes you special. I think you're an over-all special person." Alice offered.
"I don't mean this to sound like I'm looking for flattery, but I've always seen myself as plain and ordinary. Now you point out what I consider a normal trait and label it as special. How else do you think I'm special?" I really wasn't seeking flattery, just clarification. Edward kept saying I was special also, but I never saw any special-ness in myself.
"That's another one. Special people see nothing special in them. They are excessively modest and can't admit that there might be something unique about them. But, Bella, look at yourself. Edward is unable to read your mind, and he has never found anyone else whose mind was impenetrable; you constantly place other's welfare and safety before your own; you willingly sacrificed yourself to save your mom, and you're a very pretty young lady."
"No, Alice, I'm not pretty. I know what I look like, and I would never describe myself as pretty." I felt my face flush because I was embarrassed she'd even say something like that.
In reply, Alice looked at Jasper and said, "Tell her."
I looked expectantly at Jasper. What could he tell me that I already didn't know? I was ordinary and I willingly admitted it.
"Tell me Bella, what do you see when you look in the mirror?"
Is that all he wanted to know? Well, that would be easy to answer. "I see someone who is very clumsy, has a forehead that's rather wide and a chin that's too narrow, has large eyes spaced too far apart, has straight hair that seems lifeless, and has a mouth that looks too big. To top it off, I'm short and I bite my nails. Oh, I almost forgot; extremely pale skin."
Jasper and Alice both laughed as I added that last detail. "Bella, you're almost tan compared to Alice and me." Jasper offered through his laugh.
"Yah, well, that's beside the point. I still see an extremely plain person reflected in my mirror."
"Well, either your mirror is lying or you're failing to see the real you. Yes, your forehead is wide and your chin is narrow in comparison, but you have a lovely heart shaped face. Your skin may be pale but its smooth and clear. Your eyes may look too far apart, but when you smile or laugh, your eyes light up and add a glow to your looks. As for your mouth, it has the fullest reddest lips. It's no wonder Edward wants to kiss them every time he sees them. Plus, your hair maybe straight, but it is streaked with highlights, and when the sun hits it right, there is a shine to it." Jasper looked at me as if inspecting me for defects. "No, Bella, you are anything but plain, you just fail to see that when you look in the mirror."
"See, didn't I tell you, and this is from a male point of view." Alice interjected.
I responded in a natural manner, I blushed. I decided to swallow my pride and admit defeat. "Okay, so maybe I'm not totally plain, but I'm still clumsy to the point of threatening my life and the lives of others." There, I thought, let him argue his way out of the trait.
"Maybe you are, but I dare anyone to claim that doesn't make you special. Nobody can ever measure up to you in that department, and that does make you special." Jasper laughed again. I was noticing that his laugh had a musical quality not unlike Alice's, but the tone was lower. "And one thing that hasn't been pointed out, you blush better than anyone I've ever met."
That comment made me blush even more.
"Because you're so light skinned, your blush heightens you complexion and makes it look rosier rather than just red."
And that comment only made me blush more.
"If you don't stop Bella, I may need to leave the room." Jasper commented.
I had been looking down, but at that comment, my head snapped up, and I looked him directly in the eyes. "Why?"
"Because your blood is too near the surface of your skin and it's flaring up my thirst."
"Oh!" His comment not only caused the blushing to stop, but I also felt all the color drain out of my face.
Alice smiled and took my hand. "It's okay Bella; I wouldn't let him do anything to endanger you or himself."
As I looked at her, I wondered how petite Alice could stop Jasper if he were ever to lose control and come after me. Maybe now was a good time to focus my next question back on Jasper. "What does it feel like, this thirst?"
"Well, I guess to really explain it I'd have to put it in human terms. It might be compared to a hunger but not one felt in your stomach. Instead, it originates in your mouth and then triggers a response in your brain. It's almost like having a craving, but much more intense. The worst part is instead of satisfying the craving, we try to cover it up with a generic substitute. Maybe I could compare it to a deep craving for chocolate and then trying to satisfy the craving with a carrot or a piece of celery. I know that's a rather simplified explanation, but it's the best I can come up with."
I heard Alice laugh. "I like that, satisfying the chocolate craving with a piece of celery."
"I have to admit, that is an analogy I can understand. For Edward, I'm the piece of chocolate being held in front of him, but he must deny the craving and have celery juice instead." The thought was rather funny, and Alice must have thought so too because we both began laughing.
"Well, no more talk of chocolate, juice, or cravings. Let's get back to the Trig test." Jasper's comment reminded me why I considered him the practical one when compared to his brothers.
Two days before the Trig final, Jasper made me an offer I couldn't refuse, and one that even met with Edward's approval.
Since Jasper had graduated and didn't have to attend the last week of school, he suggested coming to school and using his ability to help me become calmer before the test. Then he would stand outside the classroom door and sending me calming vibrations while I was testing. If anyone asked why he was standing there, he planned to tell them he was waiting for me to come out because he had a message for me.
I loved the idea, so on the day of the Trig final, Jasper met me outside the classroom and helped me settle my nerves and become calm. I walked into the class calmer than I had been for the past two weeks. I don't know if his being there helped or if two weeks of studying did the job or if it was a combination of both, but I passed my Trig class with a B. I would have preferred the A, but I knew I worked hard for that B.
I passed all my other classes with A's, except for gym. I received a B in gym and I think coach was being generous considering how dangerous I was to the other students, and how much time I had to sit out of gym because of my broken leg. I could live with a B in gym; it was just too bad I would have to take it in my senior year. I think they should have given me a dispensation for my special life-threatening handicap.
