The Fortune Cookie's Always Right
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination.
Author's Note: Sorry sorry sorry this one took so long to come out! Life happens, you know? Well, really, 21 credit hours happened, so I've been a bit busy. But I hope this chapter is worth the wait! I got a little pop culture crazy in this one, so check the Gilmore-isms on my profile if they left you utterly confused.
Oh yeah...and quick recap of the story since it's been soooooo long since I updated: We started with the episode "The Party's Over," except in my world, Logan didn't just play boyfriend, he gave Rory a helluva kiss, which Dean witnessed and therefore decided to give Logan a black eye. Lots of banter and a breakup later, Logan and Rory started to date, but he pulled away after a major blowout with Dean, and his friends convinced him to drop Rory in favor of playing the field. Logan tried it, didn't like it, wants Rory back, but she's not going to give in so easily. That brings us to... now!
CHAPTER 7: SHE SET ME UP!
Rory walked into her dorm and was greeted with a pungent smell.
"Oh my God!" she exclaimed in disgust, pulling her turtleneck over her mouth and nose and closing the door with her elbow.
"Paris! What the hell is that smell?" Rory asked, still holding her turtleneck over her nose.
"It's for a project for my alternative medicine class. It's supposed to balance my chi," Paris said, annoyed.
"Well I'd say it's working really well," Rory said sarcastically, dropping her keys into her purse. "Aren't you breaking some sort of fire code by burning that incense?" she asked hopefully.
"No, I checked all the rules," Paris said.
Rory sighed into her shirt.
"I find it soothing," Paris said, oblivious.
"Well, I find it rancid. Can't you get in touch with your inner Deepak Chopra somewhere else?" Rory complained.
"No, it has to be in my happy place. This is my happy place," Paris said, sitting down at her craft corner.
"Fine. I have to go to Friday night dinner anyway," Rory said, hurrying to her room to change.
She shut the door. "This weekend is going to suck," she said to herself. She rummaged through the pile of clothes on her desk chair, but noticed that they had all absorbed the smell. "Aw, man!" she said a little louder. "Great! Now all my clothes are going to smell!"
"What was that?" Paris called.
"Nothing!" Rory replied. She decided to toss any clothes exposed to the air in a laundry bag. She changed quickly and walked briskly to the front door. Before leaving, she turned around, one hand on the door. "When is your project due?"
"Monday," Paris replied, breathing deeply.
Rory made a face. "See you Tuesday," she said.
"Bye," Paris said, closing her eyes and inhaling.
Rory rolled her eyes and walked out the door.
Lorelai pulled up next to Rory in the Gilmore driveway. She got out to hug Rory and ended up giving her the two-pat distance hug. "Love your new perfume. Eau de Pepé Le Pew?"
"No, Eau de Paris," Rory said as they walked to the front door. "Apparently, I now have a balanced chi."
"Well, who doesn't want a balanced chi," Lorelai said, ringing the doorbell.
"Hello, girls. You're late," announced Emily.
"Two minutes, Mom," Lorelai said as she shrugged off her coat. "Wait a minute… why are you answering the door?"
"Oh, I fired Sophie. She was incompetent," Emily said flippantly, closing the door behind them and taking their coats.
"So it wasn't Sophie's Choice to leave?" Lorelai said in mock seriousness.
Emily rolled her eyes and tossed their coats on a nearby chair before going to prepare drinks.
"Did you see that?" gasped Lorelai to Rory.
"See what?" Rory said in a low voice.
"She just tossed those coats in a slapdash fashion!"
"I'm sure she didn't mean to toss them in a slapdash fashion," Rory assured Lorelai, leading her into the room for drinks.
"Yes, she did!" Lorelai said emphatically. "They were carelessly flung away, like Zsa Zsa Gabor's latest husband."
"Zsa Zsa Gabor's had the same husband for at least 20 years now," Rory said.
"Really?" Lorelai said. She paused to consider. "Well, still, nine husbands does not bode well, my friend."
"Martini with a twist, Lorelai?" Emily offered from the other side of the room.
"Yeah," Lorelai said. "Thanks."
"Yeah?" Emily said, drawing out the word. "It's so refreshing to know that people feel comfortable enough to use slang in any given situation these days. I cannot tell you how thrilled I am that we are such a casual society. Tell you what, why don't I go change into some hip huggers and we'll listen to Eminem while we have our drinks, hm?"
Lorelai made a face behind her mother's back while Rory couldn't help but grin and mouth "hip huggers?" to Lorelai as they sat down.
"Club soda, Rory?" Emily said without turning around.
"Yes, please," Rory said exaggeratedly. Lorelai stuck her tongue out at her.
"Wonderful," Emily said brightly, bringing the drinks to the girls.
"Where's Grandpa?" Rory asked, accepting her drink.
"Oh, he's in his study, something about one last business call before dinner. That man works entirely too hard," Emily said. "So, Rory, what's new in your life?"
Rory just exchanged glances with her mother. "Oh, you know, the usual. School, the paper, living with Paris… every day is an adventure."
"I can imagine. How about your love life? Does Annette still have her Frankie?" Emily asked cheekily.
"Ok, that was not a little bit creepy, Mom," Lorelai said.
"What?" Emily said innocently. "I'm only inquiring about Rory's love life, something I'm sure you two talk about all the time. So, Rory, how's Dean?"
"Um, we broke up, actually," Rory said, trying to keep an even voice.
"Oh, what a shame," Emily said, trying to sound disappointed. "Well, plenty of fish in the sea," she said brightly.
"Yep!" Rory said. She looked at Lorelai, desperate for a subject change.
"Hey, so, That 70s Show is gonna end this year, pretty sad, huh?" Lorelai said, blurting out the first thing that came to her mind.
"Excuse me?" Emily said.
"Yeah," Lorelai said, gaining momentum. "That show, you know, with the kids in the 1970s and they… um… live in the 1970s, and I think they smoke pot sometimes but it's still really sad that it's over, you know? Because two of the main characters left, and, come on, was the show really gonna survive without Eric and Kelso?" Lorelai said sensibly.
"What on earth is she talking about?" Emily said, giving Rory a truly baffled look.
"That 70s Show," Rory said, trying to be helpful.
"Yes, I got that much. It's a television show set in the 1970s about pot-smoking children, and we are sad this is ending, am I correct?"
"Well, when you put it like that," joked Lorelai. "A-hem." She cleared her throat uncomfortably.
"I'm going to go check on dinner. I'll be right back," Emily said.
As soon as she left the room, Rory spoke up. "A rant on That 70s Show? That's the best you could do?"
"Hey," Lorelai said defensively, "I could have gone on a rant about Howard Stern moving to satellite radio. Before you know it, two strippers and a midget would have wormed their way into the subject matter. Did you really want that to happen?"
"You're sick," Rory said.
"Well you're ungrateful," Lorelai countered. "If you had given me more time, I could have prepared something."
"Oh yeah? Like what?"
"Well," Lorelai said thoughtfully, "I could have prepared a monologue."
"A monologue," Rory repeated flatly.
"Yes, a monologue. Maybe something like… ooh! Like Lester Bangs, Almost Famous." She started ranting in what was meant to be a man's voice. "You see this? This is fatuous, pseudo blubber! You know...which is fine, but...to foist it off as art - Or The Doors? Jim Morrison? He's a drunken buffoon posing a poet. Aw. Give me the Guess Who. Come on. They got the courage to be drunken buffoons, which makes them poetic!"
"Lane would appreciate," Rory allowed.
"Ooh! Or a little Casablanca, more Mom's style," Lorelai said.
"Oh man," Rory groaned, sliding down on the sofa.
"I've got a job to do, too," Lorelai said in her best Bogart, imploring to Rory/Ilsa. "Where I'm going, you can't follow. What I've got to do, you can't be any part of. Ilsa, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world."
"Hey, I think dinner's ready…" Rory said hopefully.
"Wait, wait, come on, I gotta do one girl one! Ok ok. Save the best for last: Who am I?" Lorelai said, preparing Rory. "My aunt died of influenza, so they said. But it's my belief they done the old woman in. Yes, Lord love you! Why should she die of influenza when she come through diphtheria right enough the year before?"
"Poor Professor Higgins indeed," Rory said, shaking her head at Lorelai's horrible Cockney accent.
"I think I do a great Eliza Doolittle," Lorelai pouted before continuing. "Now, what would you call a woman with that strength in her have to die of influenza, and what become of her new straw hat that should have come to me? Somebody pinched it, and what I say is, them that pinched it, done her in."
"Ok, enough, I accept my punishment. I shall never put you on the spot again!" Rory said dramatically.
"So long as we're clear," Lorelai said.
"We are clear! Very clear! Brita clear!" Rory said emphatically.
"Alright then," Lorelai said. They were quiet for a moment. "Wanna hear my Dutch?"
"Nooooo!" moaned Rory, grabbing two pillows off the couch and placing them over her ears.
"I had a farm in Africa...I had a farm in Africa at the foot of the Ngong Hills. I had a farm in Africa..." Lorelai said dreamily.
"Dinner's ready. Richard's waiting at the table…what are you doing?" Emily said, pausing in the doorway.
"Bless you!" cried Rory.
"Nothing, Mom. You left us here to entertain ourselves, so I was just doing impressions," Lorelai explained.
"I see…" Emily said. "Well, come along, we don't have all night," she said, walking briskly into the dining room.
Lorelai and Rory dutifully stood up and followed her. "Yeah, cuz Friday night dinners never seem interminable," Lorelai said under her breath.
"Shh!" hushed Rory.
"Hello, girls," Richard said, greeting them as they sat down at the table.
"Hey, Dad."
"Hi, Grandpa!"
"What's new?" he asked once everyone was seated.
"Rory broke up with her boyfriend," Emily said.
"Un-believable!" Lorelai said. Rory just looked miserable.
"Oh, how terrible, he seemed like such a nice young man," Richard said.
"It's ok, Grandpa," Rory said, concentrating on eating her carrots.
"Yes, well, c'est la vie," he said.
"You know, Rory," Emily said, a gleam in her eye. "My friend Cindy has a son about your age…"
"No! Um, no, Grandma, thanks anyway, but I think I ought to concentrate on school right now," Rory said.
"Well, it was just a thought…" Emily said, returning to her salad. "I know!" she said excitedly. "This might get your mind off of your boy troubles."
Lorelai rolled her eyes, but Emily just ignored her.
"One of our friends gave us some tickets to a Broadway show tomorrow evening, and we have an extra. Would you like to go?" she asked.
"Um, maybe, what show is it?" Rory asked, searching for a hidden agenda but not able to find one.
"Well, I can't seem to remember it. What was the name, Richard? Evil?"
"Oh, I don't know, Emily, I'll have to check after dinner," Richard said distractedly.
"Wicked?" Rory asked excitedly.
"Yes, that's it," Emily said triumphantly. "Wicked. I hear it's quite the hot ticket."
Rory and Lorelai exchanged glances. "You could say that," Rory said with a smile. "Sure, I'd love to go."
"Hey, uh, I'm not doing anything tomorrow night, you got any more tickets?" Lorelai said jokingly.
"No," Emily said.
"Of course not!" Lorelai said, shaking her head and spearing a carrot.
"Um, do you want me to meet you here?" Rory asked.
"Oh, heavens no," Emily said, waving the comment away. "You just be ready and pretty at 4:30 at the dorm."
"Oh, uh, that might be a problem," Rory said sheepishly.
"Why?" Emily asked.
"Well, my roommate is working on a project over the weekend and the entire suite smells rather heavily of incense," she explained.
"Oh," Emily said shortly. "Well, we'll work something out," she said.
"Cool. Thanks, Grandma!" Rory said, genuinely appreciative. She smiled to herself. Maybe this weekend wouldn't be so bad after all.
"Do I look New York-y?" Rory asked, twirling around.
Lorelai surveyed her. "Hmm: all black, very pointy shoes, purse that can only hold the extremely portable Dorothy Parker and half a lipstick… yep, very New York-y."
"Thank you," Rory said, satisfied. She heard a car pulling into the driveway. "I bet that's Grandma."
"Yes. Have fun at the show; although, you know, I've been saying for years that Grandma and the Wicked Witch of the West were like this," Lorelai said, crossing her fingers.
"Not again, Mom!" Rory whined.
"I'm serious! How else do you think she got those tickets?" Lorelai said, hands on hips.
"Good grief," Rory said, shaking her head. She looked out the window, then squinted in confusion. "There are two cars."
"What?" Lorelai asked, peering over her shoulder.
"Two cars! Wait – Grandma's getting out of one," Rory said.
"Well who's in the other car?" Lorelai asked.
"Oh no," Rory said in disbelief, watching as a familiar blond got out of his car.
"Oh no what? Who is it?" Lorelai asked.
"I can't believe this! She's setting me up! Oh my God, she's setting me up!" Rory said, freaking out. "Why is she setting me up?"
"Aw, honey, don't you know? Yente's gonna make you marry the butcher," Lorelai said, stroking her hair.
Rory swatted her hand away. "This is not a time for Fiddler humor, ok? Why would Grandma invite him?"
"Well," Lorelai said slowly. "She apparently didn't know that you two had a thing. Well, except for that fake thing at the alumni party."
"Oh God, the party," Rory groaned, suddenly remembering the kiss that she had to explain to her grandparents. She sank back down onto the couch.
"And…" Lorelai continued, moving to sit beside her.
"And?" Rory said in despair.
"And they did a whole lot of commenting on what a cute couple you'd make while you were dancing at that charity ball," Lorelai said.
"Oh no," Rory said, "you're right."
"I usually am."
"So…" Rory said expectantly. "What are you gonna do about it?"
"Well, unless you really want to tell them all about your history with this guy, you're gonna have to suck it up and go," Lorelai said practically.
"What? No! There's got to be some other way," Rory said desperately.
"Um… Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!" Lorelai exclaimed. She went silent.
"Well?" Rory said impatiently.
"Sorry, hun, guess it's not gonna work," Lorelai said with a shrug.
"Argh!" Rory huffed, crossing her arms.
Lorelai gave her a pitied look, then began to slowly dance in her seat and sing quietly to herself. "Shake, shake, shake Señora, shake your body line…"
"Not funny!" Rory said sharply.
"Hush honey, never interrupt Mommy's Harry Belafonte. 'Shake, shake, shake Señora, shake it all the time…'"
"Oh, wow, would ya look at that? Daylight come and me wanna go home!" Rory said, tapping her watch.
"Come on, I'm Billy Idol over here!" pleaded Lorelai.
"What? I thought you were Harry Belafonte!" Rory asked in confusion.
"No, no, Billy Idol as in Dancing With Myself!" Lorelai said, pulling Rory off the couch, still dancing to the music in her head. "Come on, just one chorus?"
"Fine," Rory assented, yielding to her mother's whims.
"Jump in the line, rock your body in time," Lorelai sang, prodding Rory.
"O-kay, I believe you," she said, a frown still fixed on her face.
"Jump in the line, rock your body in time," Lorelai sang a little louder.
"Somebody help me!" Rory sang with a bit more enthusiasm.
Lorelai laughed. "Jump in the line, rock your body in time!"
"O-kay, I believe you!" Rory cried, starting to laugh too.
"Jump in the line, rock your body in time!" Lorelai and Rory sang together.
Suddenly, the doorbell rang, jolting them out of their song. Reality came rushing back.
Rory sighed. "So no way out?"
"I don't think so, hun. It might not be that bad, I mean, Grandma will be there and everything, plus you'll be staring at the stage for the majority of the evening. I'm sure it will be fine," Lorelai said reassuringly. "Ready?"
"I guess," Rory said, grabbing her purse as Lorelai opened the door.
"Hello, Lorelai," Emily said.
"Hi, Mom."
"You've met Logan Huntzberger, right?" Emily asked, gesturing to the young man beside her.
"Of course," Lorelai said. "Please, come in," she said in her hostess voice.
"Hello, Rory! My, that's a darling little dress," Emily said, looking Rory up and down approvingly.
"Thanks, Grandma," Rory said, eyeing Logan warily.
"Rory, nice to see you again," Logan said, a mischievous glint in his eye.
"Why, Logan, what a surprise to find you here!" Rory said, trying to keep her voice even.
"Well, you know Rory, it's the strangest thing," Emily said. "It turns out that your grandfather and I already had plans this Saturday night, and it completely slipped my mind! However, I found a suitable replacement, I hope you don't mind," she said with a smile.
"You could have called," Lorelai said pointedly.
"I was already in the car, and you know I don't talk and drive at the same time," Emily said, exasperated.
"Of course!" Lorelai said, barely containing her sarcasm.
"Well, we don't want to be late," Logan said, offering his arm.
Rory narrowed her eyes and took his arm, keeping her body as far away from his as she politely could.
"Well, you kids run along. Oh! And Rory, I almost forgot!" Emily said, scurrying out to her car.
Rory and Lorelai exchanged a look, shrugged, then followed Emily.
"Here you go," she said, lifting a bag out of her trunk.
"What's this, Grandma?" Rory asked.
"I took the liberty of packing you an overnight bag – we don't want you driving all the way back here so late at night with all those drunk drivers on the road!" Emily trilled, holding the bag out for Rory. Rory numbly took it, not knowing what else to do. "Separate rooms, Logan?" Emily warned in a teasing voice.
"Of course, Emily," he replied smoothly, taking Rory's bag. "Don't worry, your granddaughter is in safe hands."
Rory looked pleadingly at Lorelai, but Lorelai was in too much shock to offer much help. "Alright," she stammered, "well, you kids have fun, and call me tomorrow!"
"You'd better hurry – traffic!" Emily said, nudging them toward Logan's car.
"Ok, um, bye!" Rory said, resigned to her fate. She gave Logan a dirty look as he opened the car door for her. She slid in, tucking her skirt around her legs. This was going to be a long night.
Meanwhile, Emily walked back to the porch.
"So, Mom, I hope you fully stocked that overnight bag with everything Rory's going to need. Toothbrush, condoms, a dowry…" Lorelai said, trying to keep her tone light.
"Lorelai! Don't be crude. That boy is not going to take advantage of her – he's a Huntzberger! Besides, they don't even know each other that well, and I doubt Rory would let anyone, let alone a perfect stranger…deflower her," Emily said.
Lorelai decided whether or not to correct her mother on either of those statements, but she really didn't want to follow through with the ensuing conversations, so she let them slide.
"Right, so, I guess you better get to that thing with Dad, huh?" she said, arms folded across her chest as she stood blocking the front door.
"Actually, it got cancelled, so it looks like it's just us girls tonight! Feel like watching a movie?" Emily said, pushing past Lorelai and walking into her house.
Lorelai looked at her in astonishment. She sighed, then followed her inside.
Oh boy! An overnight bag? What was Emily thinking! Ok, so I know you guys had to wait entirely too long for this chapter, but I've already written the next one, it just needs some editing at this point.Oh yes, and helpful hint: the more reviews I get, the more likely it is that I will update soon. You know, prioritizing: write an English paper, or write a chapter in which Rory and Logan may have to spend the night together... I know which one I'd pick! So review please! Thank you, come again. :)
