Here is my disclaimer mo'fo's : I have no rights. J.K. Rowling owns me.
Some characters have had their names changed. I have no affiliation with anyone. Nothing is copyrighted. What did you expect? A leather-bound copy? Come on now, no one here is an actual writer. They are just sad, sad people, who wish they were. And that includes me.
"AVADA KEDAVRA!" Harry watched as Anaxerete's limp body hit the cold floor.
Draco sighed. "There was no reason for that,Harry."
Harry twitched. "She kept looking at me funny today in Potions."
"Well bloody hell, maybe its because your a psychopathic candy-ass"
Draco stooped next to Anaxerete's body and poked it with his wand.
"Shes burning in hell by now."
At that moment Neville woke up and noticed Anaxerete's lifeless body on the floor.
"For the love of Merlin Harry! You've gone and killed another person for looking at you funny, haven't you?"
Harry twitched again.
Neville grinned slightly. "Well, at least this time the person you killed was a Mary Sue and not some poor unsuspecting muggle rap artist like the last one."
Harry jumped up and screamed, "MOMMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT!"
Draco scrunched up his nose, "Alright, lets go tell Dumbledore Harry killed another one."
On the way to Dumbledore's office they met Hermione who was whoring herself on the staircase.
"Two quarters each, 75 cents for two!" She yelled out.
"Have some self-respect woman!" Neville yelled.
Harry was fishing in his pocket for two quarters.
"What can I get for a nickel?" He asked.
"Nothing. But a nickel will give you an hour with Genital Measly."
"She raised her prices then?" Draco asked.
"Yup, and now she's stealing all the good customers by claiming she is disease-free.
The only customers I have left are Flitwick, Moaning Myrtle, and Crookshanks"
Hermione decided to accompany the trio to Dumbledore's office as business was bad and word on the street was Dumbledore had asked for change for a dollar at Gringott's today.
As they opened the door to DUmbledore's office a cloud of smoke billowed out.
They looked around but the room was empty and Dumbledore was no where in sight.
Neville called out tenatively "uh...Dumble...Dumbledore?"
Dumbledore popped out from under his desk, wearing a trucker hat and looking quite red-eyed and incompetent.
"YO."
"Uh... Yeah... We just came to tell you that Harry used the killing curse again." Draco stated.
Dumbledore fixed his eyes on Hermione.
"My, you've filled out nicely Harry."
"I'm Hermione."
"Oh right, the whoor."
"I've heard you got four shiny quarters today Albus, would you care for some of my services?" Hermione asked.
"Hermione", Dumbledore stood up straighter, as if he was about to say something of great importance,
"Everytime you touch yourself a puppy dies."
Hermione nodded thoughtfully. "That would explain why Fluffy's litter is dead."
"About this dead girl, she was a Mary Sue." Neville explained.
"Well then her body is of little importance to anyone, I say feed her to Hagrid!" Dumbledore exclaimed.
"Sounds good to me"
"Yup"
"Its the best solution"
'She looked at me funny."
Everyone seemed to agree. The Mary Sue's body was to be fed to Hagrid and never spoken of again.
As should be the case with all Mary Sue's.
"Are we done here then?" Draco whined.
"DUUUUUUUUUDE!" "My hand is huge!" Dumbledore said as he fell off his chair.
At that moment Marcus Flint walked in wearing a nurse's uniform and a pink wig.
"Are you ready for your spongebath Alby?" he said.
Draco heaved on the floor.
"Oh sweet Merlin I just had the most horrible mental picture! Get it out! Get it out of my head!"
"I'm good at extracting things!" Hermione said cheerfully.
Dumbledore took of his robe. "I suggest you leave now children, before you see something that would scar you for life and leave you in need of clinical therapy from highly-trained professionals."
They took his advice and left before they were blinded by the sight.
TO BE CONTINUED... unless I accidentally look at Harry funny; In which case, I may be dead.
