Story Line: What happens when a spiky haired islander meets up with a giant retarded dog and a duck that has a speech impediment? He dies in every world they go to together.

Note for ye people: I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts… Diddle-le-Dee!

Chapter Three: Moogles!

I opened my eyes to have a dog lick me on the side of my face. I muttered something unfamiliar to me and every other human being. My eyes adjusted to the light and I saw a yellow dog with a huge nose breathing in my face.

"Eww… dog-breath!" I yelled as I pushed the odd-looking dog away from me.

The dog's eyes narrowed and foam started to flow from his mouth. My eyes widened as the dogs fangs penetrated my flesh causing blood to draw to the surface.

"Ahh! What the…!" I yelled as I held my hand against my chest.

I glared at the dog, and as I went to go kick him, he ran away. I would have chased after him but I staggered into a corner and hit my head on a crate. I stood up and walked out in the opening to see that I was no longer on my island. Cool. I walked down a set of stairs and saw a postbox thing to my left, a little boy who looked a lot like Tidus to my right, and a fuzzy thing in the middle.

"HOW CUTE!" I yelled before taking off to poke at the creature, "Aren't you just the cutest little thing ever?"

"Kupo?" it replied tilting its head to the side.

"What's this?" I asked poking at the reddish ball dangling over its head.

"That's my pompom, don't touch my pompom, WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT TO TOUCH MY POMPOM!" the once innocent looking creature was drooling heavily and panting.

"Alright…I'll see you later." I ran off into the Accessory Shop next to where I came in. "BEHOLD!" I yelled as I entered the store.

"What?" the man behind the counter asked as he cleaned out his ear.

The man was chewing on a toothpick. He had blonde hair and reminded me of my grandfather back home.

"Grandpa!" I yelled as I jumped over the counter and hugged his waist.

"Ge't off me boy b'fore I kick ya' out of heerre." The man started trying to push me off until I let go.

"You're not my grandfather!" I yelled running to the other end of the store, pulling the key out.

"I ne'vr said that I was yu'r grand'pa. Wattcha plannin' to do with that there key?" he asked pointing to the two inch house key I held in my hand.

"Woops," I said putting it in my pocket, "wrong one." I pulled the keyblade out of nowhere and started attacking the stove next to me.

"My name's Cid."

"Sora… or if you're Kairi and think I mentally retarded you can call me Sssooorrrraaa."

"A'right Sssooorrrraaa, there's be'n some weird…" I stopped listening to him rant as soon as I realized he just hinted that he thought I'm retarded.

I left the shop and started looking for something, but A.D.D. kicked in and I realized that my hand was swollen from that dog bite. I walked through all the distracts fighting random things popping out of only God knows where, trying to find a doctors office or hospital but all I did was end up back were I started. I walked back in the Accessory Shop and looked around then left again. Cid didn't ask the fifth time I did this. When I walked out of the store, this time some dude with a fuzzy jacket and brown hair that greeted me.

"Hey you…" he said pointing at me.

"Huh?" I asked as I licked my swollen hand.

"The Heartless will continue to come after, as long as you wield the keyblade."

"So… it's good exercise and I really enjoy watching them explode."

"Why did the keyblade have to choose you?"

"Because I'm a great dancer and I'm social?"

"Just give me the keyblade."

"No, this is the key to my new mansion. You'll never take it from me!"

I started fighting this dude to protect my house when all of a sudden he shot fire out of his sword/gun thing. Man that's cool! All I get is a friggin key he gets the gunblade thing that shoots fire and hurts people! At that moment, I was unconscious… AGAIN. Anybody seeing a pattern here?

I woke up to see Kairi… wait… that can't be right.

"Kairi?" I asked.

"Kairi? Who's Kairi? I'm the great ninja Yuffie!"

"Oh, sorry I thought you had red hair."

"Red hair… how'd you mess that up?"

"Donno."

"So who's Kairi?"

"One of my friends. She is fourteen, has short red hair, her neck is tiny and she dresses like a harlot. Seen her anywhere?"

"Wait… really… how'd did you mess that up? Clearly I'm older than she is, my hair is black, I'm wearing a scarf and my neck is in proportion to my body."

"Beats me."

"Beat you! Can I, can I, PLEASE!"

"Please."

"I think you over did it Squall." Yuffie said turning towards the dude who knocked me out.

"It's Leon." He answered.

"Wait a minute… before I get confused… is your name Squall or Leon?" I asked standing up.

"Leon." He answered.

"Nuh uh! You're name is Squall. His-name-is-Squall-but-he-doesn't-like-it-so-he-goes-by-Leon-which-is-actually-the-first-part-of-his-last-my-Leonhart-so-instead-of-calling-him-Leon-like-he-wants-I-usually-call-him-Squall-or-Squalleon-so-we-both-win-but-if-I-call-him-Squalleon-his-name-would-be-Squalleon-Leonhart-which-is-a-tongue-tier." Yuffie finally took a breath then smiled really big. She didn't stop for a breath or anything… it was like one big word… that was confusing.

"What the…?" I was interrupted.

"Anyways… just call me Leon and disregard everything you heard if you could even understand what she just said."

"Ok…" I replied putting ice on my forehead.

"Anyways we took the keyblade away from you." Leon said.

"It turns out, that's how the heartless where tracking you." Yuffie added as she ran up the wall and did a back flip.

"As long as you wield the keyblade, they'll keep coming and coming." Leon added on to what Yuffie added on to what he said… yeah.

"Ok." I stood up and started attacking a clock as Yuffie sat on the bed singing in some other language and Leon…Squall…Leonhart…Squalleon… that dude stood by the door.

"Heartless!" Leon yelled as we ran out of the room.

We got out of the hotel and were now standing in an alleyway.

"Don't worry about the small ones, let's go find the leader." Leon said as he ran off.

"Small… these things are as tell as I am!" I yelled after him as Soldiers started appearing around me.

I went to run after Leon, but when I turned the corner he went behind, there was only a brick wall. I ran the other direction until I came to a little house. I walked through it only to see furniture and two Dalmatians. Who would leave their door unlocked like this anyways? That's just stupid. I went up to the Dalmatians and the words appeared again. AHH! Not again! The words said that their puppies were stolen and hidden around the worlds… What was that…? Around the worlds? No wonder why the puppies are gone the f-ing door was practically wide open. Anyways, I left the house and went into the third distract only to have a giant dog and fat duck fall on me.

"Get off of me!" I yelled as my mouth foamed and I bit the ducks wing.

"OUCH!" the duck yelled as he inflated and exploded.

"Hehe… neat." I said as the pieces fell. The dog jumped up and begged me to spare his life. "It's not like I did it on purpose… I think I have rabies." I wiped the foam off my mouth and smiled.

"Why'd you do that for!" a high pitched annoying voice yelled

"What the…?" I said turning towards the duck, "how'd you do that?"

"I always come back a few minutes after I die, but never when you actually need me." The duck smiled and I hit him in the face with the keyblade and he disappeared.

"Good, a few minutes of silence."

A giant suit of armor appeared behind us and the keyblade can in my hands by itself.

"Do I have to fight?" I wined as the keyblade shook and pointed itself towards the creature. "Is that a yes?" the keyblade shook some more, "No?" the keyblade stopped, "Yes?" shook again, "Fine I'll beat it up."

"Garwsh that there's sure one big Heartless." The dog said.

"What was that?" I asked completely forgetting about the Heartless which was about to step on me before it got interested and leaned in to eavesdrop.

"What was what?" the dog asked squeaking.

"That 'Garwsh' thing you just did."

"Really, I heard it all the way over there and I was confused too." The Heartless said shrugging.

"Ok look, let's kill him then we'll talk." I said hitting the Heartless in the face, "That's what you get for being nosey!"

"HEY STOP DOING THAT!" the duck said when he reappeared.

"Doing what?" I asked hitting him again, making him fall over dead. Hehehe… awesomeness.

In the middle of the fight, the head of the creature squished the dog. I screamed in victory when we were done.

"I didn't die! I didn't die!" I taunted as I danced in circles around the defeated duck and dog.

At that time, the author thought it would be a good idea to make that scene ironic and my hands started burning. I feel to my knees as the rabies slowly killed me off… it sucked because it hurt a lot. After I feel to the ground, I opened my eyes to see nothing but darkness. I looked over me to see a shiny pink heart floating. Is that mine? I stood up and grabbed the heart and looked around. I saw two rectangles: one said "continue" while the other said "load" Hmm… I walked over and poked the one that said continue and I appeared back on the ground in the third distract with Leon, Yuffie, the dog, and the duck leaning over me.

"Hehe… well… that was interesting." I said.

Hehe… I think I'll leave it here… I hope you enjoyed it and all that jazz. I'm having way too much fun with this fanfic… I feel loved that people actually like it, (other than my friends who have to say they like it or I'll go Gaara on them) Thanks for the reviews thus far!